Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Now when Ben Affleck compares a colonic to losing his virginity should I read something into that? Last I checked, I used a different part of my anatomy when I lost my virginity. Did he use something different? Just asking.

In the world of Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson there are three camps. No, I am not talking about Pimpa Joe and his ladies. I am talking about those who want Nick and Jessica back together and so all news of either of them being single makes their world a happy place. Then there are the Jessica fans who complain loudly when I say she looked like a drag queen last week. She did. She can be beautiful, but last week she looked like a drag queen. Get over it. Finally, there is the third set of fans who adore Nick and so whenever I say Nick and Vanessa are done, I get a whole bunch of comments from them. SO, you can see whatever I say about either of these two makes someone unhappy. Not to mention you my daily reader who enjoys Pimpa Joe stories as much as anyone, but is tired of Nick and Jessica. So, now, let us go through all the possible combinations.

Jessica and John. Are they a real couple? She thinks they are a real couple. Every guy she has been with since Nick has been the next true love. Jessica goes from relationship to relationship. She is not a dater. John, who I actually think is NOT gay, is having some fun and enjoying the sex, but is the kind of guy who has something to do early the next morning. You can see the look on his face. I loved you last night, but not here in public in front of the cameras. I think his relationship with J. Love Hewitt was real and I actually think he got hurt and is getting back at Jessica now. When he is lonely, he will give Jessica a call. They will NOT be together next year at this time.

Nick and Vanessa. Yes, it is a real relationship. No, they are not getting married anytime soon. They are both having fun when they see each other and it could turn into something serious if one were willing to move. If one of them does not move across the country, then it will fade. I think there is a 20% chance they will be together next year at this time. Look, I like Vanessa. She is always nice to me and I think she is incredibly attractive. They make a good couple, but that does not always mean it will work out. Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz - Hey, you just told the world you go both ways. What do you expect to happen? Pimpa Joe likes watching the ladies. I do not think he into that extra guy thing. I could be wrong though. Ashlee, unlike her sister is a dater and this will probably roll right off her. Can you ever see Jessica dating a guy who admitted they go both ways? Yes, I can see the comments section about John. I do not think Ashlee and Pete are a "couple" and so I think they will still be hanging out next year.
Pimpa Joe and Mrs. Simpson? I think the drawing says it best people. Of course the collage of other photos doesn't hurt either.

26 comments:

bionic bunny! said...

jessica simpson = serial monoganist. i kinda feel bad for her, and someone should seriously get her away from pimpdaddy. poor girl has no clue.

Anonymous said...

I think EL just revealed a few BI's in this post. Yes?
Mrs Mo

Anonymous said...

YOU ASSHOLE

Since when did you have the right to analyse peoples relationships EL?

SHUT THE FUCK UP and sort your own life out. Pretending to be a lawyer is low enough, now youre a relationship councillor?

ASSWIPE

anon1 said...

I think EL just revealed a few BI's in this post. Yes?

My thought exactly!

betsnup said...

Hmm...I need bright lights and flashing stars to remind what BI were just given away. I am blanking, and too lazy to look at old ones. :)

Oh, and Hi! to anon 10:59.

Cali Girl said...

yep, definitely some confirmation on some BI's.

Cali Girl said...

Betsnup, this BI is worded very similarly to the notes about Jessica/John.
http://crazydaysandnights.blogspot.com/2007/02/this-sometime-actress-and-i-am-being.html

hez said...

Oh hooray, the fanatical Denise Richards fan is back!!!

Just when I was getting bummed about this stupid holiday... (Thanks, Santa!)

Get out the electric cattle prods and fondue forks, kids! This should be good.

bmini said...

I kinda hope Denise, as I will from now on refer to this crazy anonymous person, sticks around and rants a little more. It is highly amusing and pathetic. Bring it on Denise!!!!

betsnup said...

Thanks, cali! I probably should have remembered that one since it was posted yesterday, but I was too excited to see our anonymous friend was back.

Anonymous said...

I don't understand why someone would subject themselves to reading this blog if they hate the blogger so much. weird. Seriously, that can't be good for your health to get all worked up about it.
Mrs Mo

kchal11267 said...

Yeah, we should just ignore 'Denise' (love the nickname you created bmini!)... humorous to read but other than that... blah...

Anyways...
Papa Joe is one SICK individual - I don't even want to think of what he did to those girls growing up - isn't he some church guy too -

Anonymous said...

Denise my dear, if you are gonna go off on EL you should at least learn how to spell:

Analyze

Counselor

~SisterMaryHotPantz

brendalove@gmail.com said...

Don't laugh but I thought John Mayer was looking pretty good the other night.

I know, I know.

mngddess said...

Hez, let's all refer to the fanatical Denise Richards fan as.....
Denise Richards!!!!

Cyn

Dorothy said...

I like John Mayer. I saw him on Dave Chappelle's show and figured anyone that could do that is OK in my book.

And brendalove, I agree... I thought he looked pretty good the other night too. I'm a huge fan of the not-so-put-together look.

Pimpa Joe gives me the creeps. EL, I think, in the future, you should do warnings of pics of him like you do for NSFW. :oP

Frenchie said...

Messica: 'Til St. Patrick's day? I'm just askin'. ;)

Anonymous said...

they are all whores
Jessica
Ashley
especially vanessa she is waitig to trade in Nick and date up to A-list when the opportunity comes her way

hez said...

I dunno, she's pretty ass-backwards -- I say we call her Renise Dichards.

Anonymous said...

Denise = Demise?

Anonymous said...

for all the people creeped out by Poppa Joe - you'll love this video. It's really rotten, but hysterical. Found it on Lainey's site.
http://www.ifilm.com/video/2814513

Anonymous said...

Everytime I see that picture of John, I just thing "Edward Scisorhands". What an odd looking duck.

Anonymous said...

Please more stories about Joe and Tina Simpson. Their marriage is a front. He's a pervert.

Anonymous said...

Can you please shed some light on Tina and Joe. It's pretty obvious that these two are done...but where is Tina? It's like she disappeared into thin air. Joe Simpson is such a shady guy...wouldn't surprise me at all if he ended up in some kind of legal trouble.

Anonymous said...

You said that Vanessa and Nick would be over, so when is it?

Anonymous said...

I can't wait for some random chick to come out and expose Joe as the scum of the earth that he is.