So as you know AP took my car Tuesday night when I was too drunk to drive
. I was under the impression she was going to return it on Wednesday. Well it turns out I was under the wrong impression. My car and I were not reunited until Friday night. Throughout the latter part of the week AP said she was enjoying driving it and since she didn't have an SUV was seeing if it was something she wanted to buy. She did mention that I could walk to work because it is not that far. I mentioned to her that this was LA and no one walks anywhere. The only people walking are the tourists because they are too scared to drive. I also mentioned that she could just rent an SUV if she truly wanted to know what one was like. She said only tourists rented cars in LA. Touche'.
Anyway she showed up on Friday night and somehow invited herself to go along to Largo to see Glen Phillips. I guess I had mentioned it in passing to her and either I invited her and didn't remember or she just decided she was going to go and get me drunk again and get to keep my car. All week I had visions of her getting into a wreck or hitting a pap and me being sued out of my mind. If you have never been to Largo it is something you really should do when you come to LA. It is a sit down club for the most part. They do have a bar you can stand at, but it doesn't hold that many people and you really have to get in line early for popular bands and comedians. I had not planned on sitting, but rather just hanging out at the bar or partaking of the Jagermeister that I knew Mr. Phillips would have on his rider. Getting a seat is not easy, especially when you had not planned on sitting.
The best way to get a seat is to make a dinner reservation. Actually that is about the only way to get a seat unless you know someone like the singer. I love Largo for shows, but the food is just so so. Not bad at all, but not I would go there just for the food. It feels like all the food is just appetizers which is fine if you are going to a tapas place or just some munchies at a bar, but this is supposed to be dinner. Anyway, Friday night I turned the tables a bit and got AP drunk. Really drunk. Like falling down drunk. Like she was making Toad The Wet Sprocket jokes and puns all night. But, it was a funny kind of drunk and not homicidal rage kind of drunk. When we went out Tuesday she did not drink that much because she had been drinking during the afternoon. Yea, I know tough life. So, I got her drunk and got her to spill some tales.
So this actor she worked with before is very C list, but, EVERYONE knows him for one very important relationship. She says he is neither gay nor straight. She says that he is kind of asexual rather than bi-sexual. He is just so shy and afraid of hurting someones feelings that he will go out with whatever sex asks. She also said he is definitely not a take charge kind of guy and doesn't care about anything except making the other person happy. She said his non-sexual relationships are just the same and it gets really annoying after about a day and she just has no desire to work with him again. He just refuses to answer a question or make a decision and you just want to scream when you talk to him.
There is this other guy she knows who EVERYONE would also know even though he is not a celebrity. He has been with lots and lots of women including lots of celebrities and celebutantes. LOTS. The thing is that he has a very tough time performing and just prefers watching. Watching other couples or the girl he is with or two girls. He pretends he is all manly and virile, but the only way he can be that is with Viagra and lots of watching. She says the only way he can usually finish is to do it himself. Figures.
So after the concert and a quick hello to Glen we left. Did I mention what my car had turned into? Clothes, makeup, perfume everywhere. It was like she had been living in it. It was incredibly messy with food wrappers everywhere and some mega pack of Altoids looked as if it had exploded in the car. They were everywhere. Everything had that kind of white powder dust. OK, that would explain those Lindsay Lohan photos from this weekend. She was sucking down the Altoids. That's why she had the white powder all over her face. I understand now. She had an Altoid explosion also. Well, AP lives to hell and gone from LA and so I dropped her off at someones house (not a stranger, but I can't say exactly or it would give it away). I went home and went to sleep.
When I woke up on Saturday morning to get my car and go get it cleaned, it was gone. AP snatched it. I walked to work this morning.