Friday, May 25, 2007

Ted C Blind Item

Brood-Zilla Clump-Butt is so prime-time prancing on thin ice, and no, this is not a blind item about anybody on Dancing with the Stars—think I’ve already done enough plus-size derriere digging on that boob-tube offering. Agreed? Sure ya do, which is why we're zeroing in on one of the country’s other hottest offerings…

How to Happy Up Your Household! You all do watch every week, don’t you? Well, I don’t, but that’s certainly not enough to keep me from reporting the following:

Brood-Zilla, host of said offering (which appears on cable or network, hmmm, I wonder which?), is scoring myriad fan-backed points for her winning ways on camera making families bond ‘n’ beautify within themselves. It’s all so touching I could puke, and quite frankly, the only thing saving me from such is the delish scoop that Brood-Zilla is turning into a veritable broom-riding be-yotch who’s getting so friggin’ corpulent not even a luxury broom built for Star Jones-Reynolds, circa the pre-wedding years, could support her.

“She’s gone way up in her size,” snipped a Household source, who’s fed up with Brood-Zilla’s overly demanding ways on set. And he’s not the only one. Other Household-ers and insiders are starting to sass supreme with scuttlebutt about the big ‘tude terrible:

“The only thing bigger than her ass is her head,” bitched back another Household vet, “which is getting horribly out of control—she’s simply a nightmare and the biggest bitch I’ve ever worked with, and that’s saying something.”

Unfortunately for these TV toilers (at various levels on the fairly popular show), Ms. Clump-Butt doesn’t look to be getting any nice-it-up notes from the show’s top brass, as ratings are good. But, uh, if I were Ms. C.B., I wouldn’t exactly inhale the craft services table when I waddled near it.

‘Cause the (edible) knives are out.

34 comments:

Be Adequite! said...

Miz Rachel Ray!

Robin said...

Jo Frost, the Supernanny.

Twisted Sister said...

Agree with you, Robin. She makes families bond 'n beautify within themselves.

Anonymous said...

I was immediately thinking Tyra Banks. Maybe I'm off though.

Anonymous said...

I'm leaning towards Rachael Ray too. But he does say "you all do watch every week, don't you?" So is it only a once a week show? So, I'm not sure now....

Anonymous said...

The way this guy writes gives me a headache. Why can he not construct proper sentences? Its like reading a 13 year old girls text messages!

Your own BI's are often very good, this one just seems to be about a woman who's a bitch, nothing out of the ordinary there.

I don't think you need Ted C's nonsensical ramblings to be honest, it's much better without.

SP

Anonymous said...

Rachael Ray totally fits, but her shows are on daily.

Isn't there a cable show that makes over an entire family? Who hosts that?

Anonymous said...

I was thinking of Oprah, but I guess her shows are on daily, too...:shrugs:

Anonymous said...

I also think it's Rachel Ray. If it's not her, it's someone else on the Food Network. I think the last line of the BI when he writes (edible) knives, is a hint. Also "craft services table" - this almost made me think Martha, but everyone already knows she's no Mary Poppins.

Anonymous said...

I agree with the Jo Frost - Super Nanny guess.

The clue's are:

Brood = Kids

How to have a Happy Household = teaching horrible children to behave.

Weekly Prime time show offering = its not a daily show that is being talked about.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Granted Oprah and Rachel fit the size clues... but they don't fit the description of the show it self.

Anonymous said...

Rachel Ray for sure!!! Plus she has the BIGGEST ass on a little woman.

Random Ramblings said...

i thought it was Desperate Housewives - Eva L.

Anonymous said...

what about that horribly annoying lady from clean house on the style network? Apparently her name is niecy nash?

Robin said...

Don't forget 'prime time prancing on thin ice'...

SUPER NANNY

bmini said...

I don't think it can be Rachel Ray, she is on everyday. My first thought was the Supernanny

tigereye said...

10:11: thats exactly who I was thinking of. She's also in Reno 911, I believe. Since they just did a movie too, maybe its just soo much 'success' thats giving her the big head. ?

tigereye said...

also, Reno is on at around 9central, which would qualify for prime time.

Hez said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Who are the "and its not"s...

Hez said...

Anon @ 9:57, "craft services table" is not a clue, nor does it have anything to do with "crafts". It's called "craft service" because they serve those involved in the craft (i.e. the production).

If you've ever worked on any set, from the biggest blockbuster to the lowliest indie film or commercial, that's the standard name for the place where the snacks are laid out for the crew to munch on between takes.

The "crafties" are different from the caterers (who do hot food for breakfast, lunches and dinners, usually from a truck outside in the parking lot) -- crafties keep the cast & crew supplied with gum, candy, drinks (non-alcoholic) and sometimes a dizzying range of munchies including chips, chicken wings, bagel bites, sausage rolls, mini-pizzas, sandwich fixins and whatever else they can dream up/heat up (mouth watering yet?).

Crafties must also be certified in first aid - it is an important part of their job description - so they must always have band-aids and all that stuff there, too.

Good craft service is dangerous to the waistline at the best of times. It is the ultimate exercise in self-restraint.

I've often thought the world would be a better place if there were craft services tables on every block.

Anonymous said...

Don't say a word about Niecy Nash! I love her and that behind of hers on Reno 911! is a fake, anyway. Also, she just lost a ton of weight on some diet, so zip it!

Jules

P.S.-Ted's and it's not...are Katie Couric, Joy Behar, and Star Jones-Reynolds

Anonymous said...

Ted keeps repeating "Household," which brings to mind families in a house. It's been rumored for a long time that Rachel is a bitch, but Ted insinuates he was surprised to hear about this BIs attitude.

I'm on the Supernanny train. Fits nicely.

Tracee

Anonymous said...

Jules, I'm with ya. I love me some Niecy! She's hilarious on Reno911. I don't think it's her because the booty is fake and I don't think those producers would have a problem putting more junk in trunk. But her body is nice and curvy, nothing outta control there.
Tracee

Anonymous said...

I had a table next to the Supernanny and her posse of hanger-on-ers at a club in Chicago last year. Her attitude was off the hook. She is a tubby little bitchy woman. It MUST be her.

Anonymous said...

LMAO!!!
the nanny has a posse of hanger-on-ers...
i'm about to pee myself

michele

Anonymous said...

yeah the supernanny fits the clues pretty well.

Anonymous said...

I wonder if it's Nanny Stella from Nanny 911.

bionic bunny! said...

how does the "thin ice" comment fit in, though?

"I've often thought the world would be a better place if there were craft services tables on every block"

lol! ain't it the truth??

Anonymous said...

Are they called blind items because you'd have to be blind not to pick them?

Super Nanny known for her large 'stern'.

Wish ent lawyer was this transparent, then we could have some more clue to 'tantric massage' actress!

Anonymous said...

I has to be Niecy Nash because the name, "clump butt", has to be a reference to her fake butt on the Reno911 movie.

Anonymous said...

Thin ice = frost...

DA DA DA DUMMMMMMMM! Bingo!

Anonymous said...

I sincerely wish this is Tyra Banks. My hate for her doubles by the day.

F.

Anonymous said...

That's Rachel Ray and a half. It's been widely reported that she has become a major diva/bitch since she landed her boring little show. And look at her HIPS. They are spreading faster than Paris' herpes. Her thighs look like telephone poles and the happy husband thing refers to her allegedly "I like it when hookers spit on me" husband of hers, John Cusimano!! And of course, there are a million food/kitchen references throughout so it's definitely that phony windbag.

Anonymous said...

Hey hez-
Everybody knows what craft services are. Clues are hidden in the item, so it might just have some double meaning. Maybe, maybe not, but you can bet your booty that anyone posting on an entertainment site is familiar with the term.