Friday, June 01, 2007

ZX-St. Anthony Is Mad At Me

I am an idiot. It's confirmed. And Anonymous 3:14 or whomever was so nasty about my perpetual lunch break, I salute you. I was at a pool party at a girl's aunt's opulent mansion- I don't really know if we weren't supposed to be there, or if the aunt was just wary of the criminals who might inhabit her estate in her absence, but we were locked out and had to potty by the tennis courts. I don't mean cop a squat; This place was so posh, the more athletically bent had their own flush toilet.

Anyway, my friend and I convinced everyone to go bowling, and they said they would meet us there later. She had a blotchy face from too much beer and sun and I suggested we pop by the mall to try on some makeup samples. So we shot in there and were distracted by shiny objects- so many stores and interesting people on third street promenade, and by the time we were leaving, we were late and starving once again and bought two dozen Mrs. Field's cookies to assuage our waiting friends.

Got back to the rental only to discover that I didn't have my keys. Anywhere. Friend didn't have them either. So we called the friends who were thankfully just getting to the bowling alley, (which was closed,) themselves. I retraced my steps, but our whirlwind had covered about ten shops in as many minutes. I thought to myself, 'Come on, they're KEYS! They're the most important thing in the universe besides phones. Someone will see them and turn them in.' But no one did. Ever. The friends came by to laugh at us and eat our cookies, and ended up driving us home.

The next day, I called Enterprise and asked when I could pick up the spare key. "There is no spare key." Evidently, they keep all the spare keys on lock down in St. Louis. "Okay," I said. "Can I have them overnight it to me?"The girl started to get flustered and said, "St.Louis, MISSOURI," like she might've said Zimbabwe or Timbuktu and it was an impossibility. So I had to have a key made which costs hundreds of dollars and takes a long time and now have it rubber banded to my wrist.

Now, having admitted I may be a little preoccupied lately or have brain damage, all I'm saying is that if you got a hotel room and lost the key, they would magic you up a new one and tell you to enjoy your stay. So. Just don't lose your rent-a-key. Just don't. The Kiarrhea is having clutch/transmission problems, so my friend followed me as I drove it down to the Carson dealership, but it revved and choked and finally stopped completely one exit from the desired Avalon, so we Triple A'd twice in one day. The problem may not be covered by the warranty so my friend started crying and I took her to lunch and gave her some 1920's boots and perfume and a card. Turns out the man who sold it to her is a great person and is having it fixed. We're going to pick it up tomorrow, after the bed people deliver my bed.

My manager called me today and said he had "Good news," but then was in meetings every time I called to pester him. I don't think he would dare say good news wantonly because he knows what a rectal vortex I get in when I'm disappointed. I'll keep you posted.

33 comments:

Anonymous said...

hahaha.. too fun!

betsnup said...

I think the good news she's going to keep us posted on is a nice lead in to the BIG REVEAL on Monday.

Thanks ZX!

Anonymous said...

ZX,
Almost everyone on here has been called an idiot by some random poster. Comes with the territory of doing your own blog. But really you have some bad luck, gurl. I mean this coming from someone who gets her car dented every other month by some unidenifiable driver.

If the whole christianity saint medallions aren't working, give voodoo a try, or superstition, a penny can be as good as medallion, right? Have a great weekend!

Tracee

Hez said...

Rectal vortex!

Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!

That was awesome.

Here's my tip for the keys: get one of those climbers' clips and hook it on to the strap of yr purse. Haven't lost mine in yonks. It can hook on a belt loop too, but be careful if you have loose waisted pants and a lot of keys, cuz it's a one way ticket to Buttcrackville.

See you (and I mean that literally) next week!

Anonymous said...

What's the hurry in revealing ZX? This is to much fun.

mookie said...

lol @ "rectal vortex"! loved it!

yay, ZX! we so can't wait to "meet" you! (but pls. consider continuing to post after mon.)

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I find the not knowing rather fun. I don't even bother guessing anymore, I just think ZX is way cool.

mistik said...

Yeah, I may have to steal rectal vortex and magic it up... Wouldn't life be fab if you could just magic it all up? I'm up first for the Birkin bag. Yeah. Bourgeois as hell but I can live with that...

theflock07 said...

Dude, you've got car karma.

ptail said...

I am rather excited for the reveal. Sounds like you are having fun and have lots of cool friends. Thanks for letting us in on your life(style) and try to "stay in your body."

Anonymous said...

Once I locked the keys in a rental car (might have been Enterprise- don't remember). I called AAA. They were going to take 30min to hour, but there was this tow truck driver who had just came into the conveniece store I was stuck at, who said he could open it for $5. I was in a hurry so I agreed. Well he opened the passenger door, I got the keys and thanked and paid him. I got back to the hotel and then hours later was going to get something out of the car but he had apparantly broken the passenger side door. It wouldn't
open. I didn't say anything when I turned the car in and they never contacted me much less charged me for the broken door. I'm sure they chalked it up as a failed car theft attempt. I always felt a little guilty until now. Thanx ZX.

adore said...

Hey ZX, you were down by my neighborhood! Love reading your blog.

amy said...

zx--i hope that good news was *good* have a great weekend, and make your friends drive more. you've experienced too much bad mojo with vehicles lately.

Anonymous said...

Yes, yes I am quite certain that I am in love with this woman.

I wouldn't let her within 100 yards of my car, and/or any other material thing I hold dear. But, tis love indeed.

Rowan said...

imho....keys are more important than phones.

I accidentally threw my car keys in the garbage at a Wendy's in my first year of college...and only realized it three hours later. My parents never let me live it down.

Anonymous said...

Hey ZX!! Love reading your entries each day. Could EL possibly be your agent? Just curious...

Anonymous said...

"The girl started to get flustered and said, "St.Louis, MISSOURI," like she might've said Zimbabwe or Timbuktu and it was an impossibility."

ZX if the acting gig doesn't work out, you could always write...hilarious shit!!!

Groceries said...

I'm glad someone else has key karma. When I was in high school, I locked the keys in my car twice. My dad took my spare key, stuck it in a plastic box with a magnet on the back, and hid it inside my bumper. No more problems with the car.

When I got to college, I lost the key to my dorm room twice. House mother thought I was the biggest flamin' idiot. Parents were losing hope.

My current fix is to keep my keys on me at all times - either in my jeans pockets or my purse. I also gave an extra set to my sister who lives nearby. Hopefully this will appease the Key God...

Anonymous said...

"rectal vortex" of disappointment? OMG, that is hysterical. I'm using that phrase from now on.

Agreed to the poster above, ZX you really should be a writer. Your blogging is some of the most interesting I've read in ages.

Allison said...

i think hez and zx are going to meet in victoria next week for the big reveal.

and it was col mustard in the library with the candlestick.

i LOVE victoria. prob too early for the orcas to be around. oh well, enjoy!

Hez said...

Victoria, "home of the newly wed and nearly dead". Lived there once in university, never had any desire to go back. But I have some cool musician friends we could stay with if that's what's happening! ;)

I'd say I'll be Miss Scarlet, but I think I like the colour peacock better for me.

lec said...

Damn girl,

I think it is time to hire a driver, LOL. Would make your life a little easier and with the costly keys and insurance hike from car accidents it might just be cheaper that way, LOL.

Seriously, I hope it is great news from your manager and that you have a great weekend.

lec said...

oh and man did you get ripped off from Enterprise.

Note to self: DON'T lose car rental keys...EVER!

Jerry said...

From Hez...
I think I like the colour peacock better for me.

Peacock is a color? My favorite color is plaid. I think I'm in love.

lexi-con said...

you poor thing. i'm glad you weren't renting a benz -- those infrared keys can't be replaced either, you need to have a new one sent from germany (yes, i know from experience... although it wasn't a rental) honestly, if your rental is considered older and crappier (no offence) you can probably find some grease monkey who has a massive keyring of keys that fit pretty much every older crappier model made. and that would require a little flirting, but no $$.

AAA said...

Glad to see your skin thickened up there, ZX! You are saluting your detractors now - that's more in line with your "oh so wacky and lovably hair-brained" personality that everyone loves so!

What I have learned from your blog is: If you want to become an actress in Hollywood, expect never-ending car trouble and get yourself a good map!

hannahbelle said...

Good lord chick. I said it last time - NO MORE CARS FOR YOU!
You definately have some car karma happening. You must have committed a horrible greivance against one in a past life or something...

Anonymous said...

My guess for ZX is Rachel Leigh Cook. This is based on several earlier clues. She would have graduated high school the same year as Christina Ricci, she owns her own production company, which would explain her meeting with Dad's Bags to finance a new movie, She has several past films which little girls might have on DVD, she has several new projects, and she is friends with my guess for AP, Tara Reid, which would creat a link to Ent.

At any rate, I've enjoyed the posts, and I'm looking forward to the big reveal!

-Too much time on my hands.

Jem said...

This is maybe your last post ZX, so just wanted to say that I've loved reading you!

Anonymous said...

"rectal vortex" may be one of the funniest things i've heard in a long time!

your car problems could have been worse... i know of several people that have had their keys taken from the gym or lost them or whatever. all the bad guys have to do is wander the parking lot using the key fob until they hear your car beep. bye-bye baby!

i've only locked my keys in my car once. BUT hubby locked the keys in the car the morning i had out-patient surgery on my knee. how such a smart man can be so dumb...
just remembered. he also left the lights on when we had our daughter. this seems to be a trend!

bionic bunny! said...

crap! that was me ^ (10:04).
must be the damn oxies!

Anonymous said...

Zx you have terrible luck with cars!

What a brilliant writer though. You really kick that 'dumb actress' cliche out the door.

And who says actresses are dumb, vapid and self-absorbed? They need to read your posts which are witty, adventurous, free-spirited, fun-loving, and just kick-ass. Can't wait for the big reveal...

ZX 's identity is... said...

Find out on the CDAN message boards! ...They've totally nailed it AND provided the proof (for all you doubters out there.)

Here's the link:
http://p068.ezboard.com/fcrazydaysandnightsfrm9.showMessageRange?topicID=85.topic&start=61&stop=79