Friday, July 20, 2007

**Updated** Tyler Atkins Thinks Paris Is Amazing--See What He Calls Her When He Is Filling His First Valtrex Prescription



Yes, you know when someone is in it for the publicity when they start yammering away to anyone who will listen. In this case, Tyler couldn't find anyone who wanted to listen so he called up a gossip website in Australia and begged them to write about his relationship with Paris. They cared so much they wrote about 100 words.

I really don't care except this has got to be the slowest news day in a very long time and it is Friday and I don't want to write about Lindsay because there are literally 100 stories about her turning herself in and that she lost that movie. I actually think losing the movie was a good thing because if you are in a movie with Shirley MacLaine, then it is going to bomb. Lindsay bombs movies without any extra help. She needs to go suck up to Will Ferrell and beg to be in his next movie so at least she can say she has been in one hit in the last five years. With all that being said, I am beginning to get on the Lindsay bandwagon. I think she had a messed up childhood with terrible parents who are doing an even worse job with the younger kids. You and I know that if we had the same chances to do the things she has done we would probably do them.

Yes, Lindsay might still be drinking and partying but at least she is likable. One meeting is not enough to form a lifetime impression but at least I can see in her what a casting agent or director sees. I've met Paris more than once and have always disliked her and everyone who has known her for longer than a week also dislikes her. Her sister is the only person who hangs out with her longer than a month except for guys who want to f**k her.

So back to Tyler and Paris. You know the thing that amazes me about Paris is that she was at an event for BPM Magazine last night and the people from Ford Motors wanted her to pose with their latest hybrid. Companies are still paying her to promote their products so someone, somewhere is saying that she has an impact on what you and I buy. Ford wants a jail serving, herpes carrying, porn movie making, colored contacts wearing, Joe Francis (ex-convict) blowing, Suge Knight (ex-convict) grinding, lap dancing, fake smiling, pot smoking, no talent, Larry King lying, fake hair wearing, N-word slinging, taking it in the butt for coke-whoring, wonky eyed, fake bible reading, heir dating, Greasy bear friend having, Britney crotch baring, bad music creatin, Scott Storch doin, (shudder) name droppin, drunk drivin, small dog havin, in and out burger eatin, ho for a mother havin, size 12 wearin, Hybrid ridin, bad neighbor bein, fug sister havin, racial slangin, taco bell eatin, simple life havin, valtrex takin, leopard wearin, man hands person who was jailed for DRIVING on a suspended license schlepping their cars. I think Robert Blake is probably looking for work, why don't you call him next.



Why the hell would I want to buy something Paris Hilton promotes? Does Ford really believe that young women or men are going to rush out and buy the new Ford Escape Hybrid because Paris Hilton is posing with one? The only way that would happen is if she got in the back and demonstrated how she manages to have sex easily and comfortably in its roomy interior and how there are places for toys, cameras, and condoms in easily accessible locations. THEN, a guy might buy one. Might.

26 comments:

Hez said...

Methinks Ford is cruisin for a boycott from the Minivan Majority!!

Wouldn't that be rich!

Lindsay's only chance is to get far away from Hollywood, her mother and the toxic friends she's got applauding and enabling her every move. Screw Shirley MacLaine - Rachel Cory needs to give her a good talking to (sorry, to me she'll always be little Alli Fowler from Another World)...

Tracee said...

Uh-oh! It seems like Tyler isn't the only one dipping into Paris' herpes cest pool. Check out the guy's hand in the first photo of Tyler. -Barf-

april said...

I didn't notice the ..thing.. on the guys hand. Yuckittyyuck! He probably shook Paris' hand.

Ent, I'm so glad that you're getting on the 'Lindsay bandwagon'! I agree with Hez that she should get away from the toxic life and people in Hollywood. She should move to Norway (my home country) for a year and star in a small Norwegian film. He he.

Hez said...

Enty, add to that "colored contacts-wearing" "Joe Francis-blowing" and "Suge Knight-grinding"...

jax said...

Heir dating, Greasy bear friend having, Britney crotch baring, bad music creatin, Scott Storch..shudder..namedroppin,drunk drivin, small dog havin, in and out burger eatin...

jax said...

Larry King lyin, ho for a mother havin,size 12 wearin.....HO-oooo!

Shit i can go for days Enty.

Nicole said...

Did this sound familiar to anyone else? In his paragraph about Lindsay, Ent said:

"She needs to go suck up to Will Ferrell and beg to be in his next movie so at least she can say she has been in one hit in the last five years."

Doesn't that sound like one of the BI's (one hit film in the last 5 years).

I have to investigate....

april said...

How very clever of you, Nicole! Does that indicate that HE is the one with the pretty, Mexican nannymistress?
And Ent; N-word slinging! Taking it in the butt for coke-whoring!

jax said...

hahah El my words in lights..lol.

"Loves it!"

Hybrid ridin, bad neighbor bein, sheriff blowin,fug sister havin,racial slangin, taco bell eatin,simple life havin, valtrex takin,leopard wearin...ok i give up.

ykkstuck said...

Brilliant description nice work! It's beyond my why anyone would buy something that girl is "selling".

In good news the Hilton hotels were sold recently ... it would be nice to think it was a result of their darling daughter and the negative publicity she creates.

Connie said...

Be brave Ent, make your blog a Parisite free zone.

I for one don't want to see her ever again. I'm terribly sorry for Taco Bell and In & Out Burger that she ever was pictured eating their stuff.

littleoleme said...

Who is Tyler Atkins?

kellysirkus said...

hey, you leave In-n-Out out of it. They are waaaaaay too good for Parasite. Now, Toxic Hell, that makes sense

jax said...

Haha you left out Sheriff blowin..but then you know what side your bread is buttered..

Sorry Connie we are having none of that,this is too fun!

Happy friday y'all!

Twisted Sister said...

I thought the hint was two hits in the past five years.

At any rate, I was watching the out takes for The Landlord on funnyordie.com and noticed that Will was wearing a Mexican shirt and called Pearl "Pearlita" at one point.

Just sayin'....

some said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
some said...

What the fuck, don't be talking shit about in-n-out. As long as that skank wears a shirt and shoes they legally can't refuse to serve her. The California legislature unfortunately did not specifically exclude skanks from the anti-discrimination laws.

noel said...

Go ENT- loved the rant...

Just set it to music and your single will be bigger than Stars are Blind!!

Hahahaha!!!

Cougarific said...

HA HA HA HA. That was the best, funniest, most accurate rant I have heard in AGES. Spot on!

DeborisAnna said...

Here's some advertising for Ford: build mini-trucks with heels and the skank wears them as shoes; her feet are big enough to drive a couple of trucks.

charlie said...

Wooooo..you REALLY hate her EL! :D

charlie said...

And April, LiLO wouldnt like´it in Norway or here in Sweden, here her looks is just ordinary, not stunning! ;)

ChasingHeaven said...

I work for Ford and I'll be turning in my 2 week notice soon. Do you mind if I quote this post as a reason why I'm leaving? :)

P.S. Speaking of setting it to music...I think this fits well to the tune of 'It's the End of the World as We Know It!'

__-__=__ said...

I can't stop laughing - really! That was an excellent rant and I don't believe there is anything left to add.

I'm on the Lindsay bandwagon too. I think she's the new Liz Taylor. Remember all the wild things Liz did in her day. I think Lindsay will rise above it and hopefully sooner than later!

parisss said...

Enty..... that was hot.

Absolutely made my morning reading that!! Kudos!

april said...

Ent,
That was great! Thanks!
Tjenare Charlie! :-)