Friday, September 28, 2007

Ted C. Blind Item

Oh, it was such a gay party, and by that definition I don’t mean gay gay, just a good time. A typical Hollywood do, the festive bash was at a posh residence. Stars from both screens were mingling right next to the Diet Cokes, the boozy cocktails and the pigs in blankets. And in the middle of it all, nonfamous babes ‘n’ hons were oh so casually just la-dee-dah-ing it up, pretending like mad they weren’t desperate to be the human blanket around Dewbie Stammer’s very own little piggy.


Oh, that Dewb, such the charmer. Never a classically handsome dude, D has nevertheless—like many not exactly stunning guys, Owen Wilson, for ince—always managed to keep the gals fretting by his side. Alas, to no avail. No one woman has ever seemed quite fretlicous enough to warrant being by Dewbie’s side for very long, quel crap.


But that certainly didn’t keep the femmes from following Mr. S round the above party, as (pathetically) discreet as they thought they were being. So very ironically, it turned out to be a guy who made the following discovery:


A fellow guest got bored. After all, it was late, and a lot of the major players, not to mention the soiree’s staff, had gone home. Said guy went to the coat check room, which had been abandoned, and he headed back into the furthest interior space inside the long closet. He heard moans. And he heard slurps. And he realized Missy Coat Check might just still be around after all, getting a very nice tip from a fellow departing reveler.


But when the dude got to the back of the check area, looking up from his crouched position and staring back was a superflushed Dewbie Stammer, having just finished servicing a guy lying down on the floor. No wonder Dewbie never seems to meet the right girl!


(He’s always looking for the right trick in a box.)



And it ain't



Luke Wilson, Jim Carrey, Jeremy Piven

25 comments:

Angela said...

I'd say Vince Vaughn. Not a classically handsome dude, a girlfriend he didn't keep very long and a few movies with Owen Wilson or Luke Wilson.

__-__=__ said...

Why am I thinking Justin Timberlake??

pokrchick said...

Maybe it's the "trick (dick) in a box" comment that's bringing JT to mind

GammaGirl said...

I think JT comes to mind becuase of "dick in a box", but I'm thinking its andy samberg.
Hes not classically handsome, but he's always linked with some young actress/

Cho said...

samberg is a great guess.

Cali Girl said...

I was thinking David Spade (initials DS = Dewbie Stammer), but Andy S seems like a really good guess too.

Murphyzlaws said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Angie said...

I agree, Gamma -- "trick in a box" made me think Andy Samberg right away.

Angie said...

I agree, Gamma -- "trick in a box" made me think Andy Samberg right away.

hannah said...

Nooo! Not Andy! He's my secret crush... I immediately thought Zach Braff, but Andy is a much better guess, especially with the clues Ted dropped.

Amanda said...

Nah not JT, it says "no woman has ever seemed quite fretlicous enough to warrant being by Dewbie's side for very long"

JT and Cameron were together for years. Same with Brit.

Adam has got to be it.

wood1107 said...

Sigh. I agree it's Andy Samberg.

lwall7 said...

I like the Vince Vaughn guess. He was recently heard complaining (loudly) about not being able to meet the right woman. Maybe he did that on purpose to try and dispel those pesky rumors that keep circlating, meanwhile, what he's *really* looking for is....

JustinD said...

Trick in a box is one of the bigger clues he's ever given. I don't know how anyone else can think any differently. Honestly.

JustinD said...

Another clue is that both Owen Wilson and Andy Samberg have wonky noses.

d said...

make sure you look on the eonline site as well - I read there that Ted says that this is a television guy, not a movie guy.

mulder said...

David Schwimmer

ljvedder said...

the three "and it aints" have been on SNL.

white lorelei said...

I'm on team Andy for this one.

Miss X said...

Upon reading just the first sentence, my thought was "this is about David Schwimmer"

Though Andy Samberg is a good guess (too bad, I LOVE him) or Vince Vaughn (I LOVE him, too)...David Schwimmer just isn't a loss for us hetero girls. But, Andy and Vince I'd like to keep for us girls! ;)

(I hope that wasn't non-PC of me...I certainly mean no offense to those of you whose preferences are different from mine). =)

Mia said...

the 3 'and it aints' might have more in common than being on SNL, don'tcha think? I mean, soooooooo many actors have at this point...

Virgo74 said...

I am gonna go with Adam on this one.

K said...

A Ted C item and *kinda* makes sense, finally!

I know the Beckhams were at a JT concert last week, and I heard they gave a party afterwards... As mentioned above, JT's longterm relationship with CD doesn't fit this blind, so...

Team Andy!

Caroline said...

This... "No wonder Dewbie never seems to meet the right girl!"... makes me think of Wentworth Miller, as he is always saying this in interviews.

MinMN said...

What about Zach braff?