Friday, October 19, 2007

Ted C. Blind Item

Sha-Sha Shimmy is one of the most beautiful babes in Hollywood. She’s also simply a doll. Hey, she’s not only a primo g-f to all her girlfriends (a rarity in this man-stealing, amiga-backstabbing enclave), but she, like, eats! Who knew?

And guess what? SSS looks divine, full of luscious curves that buttloads of hungry guys 'n’ gals live to drool (and more) over. Sha-Sha can even act, too, come to think of it, but that’s, uh, not really her forte. However, Ms. Shimmy is damn serious about getting her less paparazzied career more on the roll, which is why she decided to slim down a bit for a part (heaven knows women over 62.5 pounds don’t get hired for nada in this two-by-four town).

So, triple S did what a lotta ladies tryin’ to lose the pounds do: No, not barf or drug, thank heavens, but she took some laxatives, which didn’t seem to work. So, she took some more. Went to sleep, forgot about it.

Next ayem, Sha-Sha remembered she needed to run some errands at the local shopping mall, which she sped off to in her smart wheels. And there she was, near Beverly Hills, comparing pillows and baskets, when—suddenly—S.S. realized she better get to a can—and fast! But, SSS hates pooping in public loos, so she sped out of the parking lot and, being impatient as she was, hit the car in front of her.

A very unhappy, very large woman got out and screamed at the top of her triple-chin curdling shrill for Sha-Sha to get out of her car—now. Sha-Sha declined, which enraged the bashed driver even more.

Finally, Shimmy was so vocally attacked by this brittle broad that she reluctantly got outta her spiffy job and—of course—let loose all over her skintight (SSS wears nothing else) jumpsuit, all the loosened stools those laxatives were so late in jimmying leaking everywhere inside, and through, her chic outfit.

Oh, and—you guessed it—the jumpsuit was the most beautiful shade of...snow white. At least, it used to be.

36 comments:

jax said...

And good morning to you...

ashley said...

ahahah omg that's horrible

captivagrl said...

danica patrick?

Peggy said...

i read somewhere else that it said: hint: not queen latifah, tyra banks, or jennifer coolidge

wtf said...

Haa Haa Haa

Diva said...

hahaha.. that's a good one.

Cameron Diaz?

always there for her girls (Drew B. etc.) drives a prius, nice curves..

Bryn said...

"luscious curves" leads me to believe it's someone with a few pounds on her - more than the typical Hollywood actress. Cam Diaz is thin, to me.

I'm thinking along the lines of Kate Winslet, Jennifer Hudson (doesn't fit the "doll" reference) or others with that body type.

Jenny said...

If acting is not her forte, then it might be a singer, maybe Rihanna?

BTY-
jax, thanks for the laugh.

kellysirkus said...

"DOLL" - it's got to be someone who has performed with the Pussycat Dolls
Nicole Scherizinger (or w/e her name is)
or
Kim Kardashian perhaps - did some "acting" in that little "film" with Ray J
and definitely has "curves"
I know she's done something with the Pussycat Dolls
She's friends with Robin Antin

Diva said...

kelly- I got the DOLLS reference too, thats why i thought of cameron. when cam was w/ justin I recall they spent alot of time in Vegas watching the PCDs.

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,1154869,00.html

whimsicalrationale said...

Alicia Silverstone?

She drives a hybrid, has some curves (she is not stick-thin), isn't always followed by papparazzi, and is auditioning for a "bit" part...which would make sense b/c when was the last time she was in anything big or had any big roles?

Kim Kardashian is a good guess, but it said she is actually a good friend...and I think she had a falling out w/ Paris and Nicole not too long ago. Also Nicole Sherzinger (sp) is a good guess too since it references "doll" a couple times.

Jenny said...

kellysirkus: I think you got it with Kim K, somehow I feel like I've seen pics of her wearing jumpsuits and everything she wears looks like it's painted on. Plus she has that new TV show with her sisters, but she doesn't strike me as being a good friend. But who knows.

whimsicalrationale said...

Says Alicia Silverstone, "Ex-Lax has made me who I am today."

got this from:
http://thegildedmoose.blogspot.com/2006/05/stars-come-out-for-laxative-coalition.html

jax said...

Oooh im totally going with Kim K..she wears the tightest shit (no pun) ever...and she shimmy's that ass all over town (but not quick enough!)

"buttloads of guys"

Khemenu said...

I heard almost an identical anecdote about Missy Elliot and xenecal.

klown said...

ugh - didn't need that one while I was eating lunch. Thanks Ted - the only time I can actually understand your writing and it is disgusting.

junglekitten said...

The Prius thing makes me think of Cam. Then again who in Hollywood DOESN'T drive or own a Prius?? Cam. IS an actress so it Can't be her. I think maybe Beyonce!!! IDK this one is tough!!

tigerbeat said...

Maybe it could be Paulina Rubio. It has to be some one that wants a more "paparazzied" career.

Or maybe someone like Amanda Bynes, no one ever photographs her when she goes out.

I'm also guessing it's some one with a smart car from the "smart wheels" part.

Who drives a smart car?

jindi said...

curves men like to drool (and more) over: Kim K got peed on in her sex tape, didn't she?

Plus: triple s = triple K? Kim, Kourtney, Klohe?

Bryn said...

I'm on the Beyonce' bandwagon. She's known for her booty, she can actually act, but it's not really her forte'.

I read an interview with a SNL actress when Beyonce' was on, and she said she was so nice to everyone on the set. So the nice to her friends, "doll" fits.

She had to lose weight for her acting role, and if she's looking to act again, would have to shed a few pounds.

acetomato777 said...

I can't imagine a white girl running around in a skin tight white jumpsuit. Sorry, but I can't. (don't get all racist here, folks . . it's a fashion thing).

However, many famous black stars or latina stars wear white suits, dresses and outfits because it looks fab on their skin.

To be running around in a white jumpsuit sounds over the top - like something Mary J or Lil' Kim would throw on.

I can be completely wrong, because, well, I'm not a hollywood star with a laxative issue =)

acetomato777 said...

Beyonce is a great guess, but don't you think someone would have that on film?

I think it has to be someone with a well known name, but someone the paps don't follow around while they do their daily life stuff - just at events.

pusssykatt said...

Who did we see recently walking out of a store with tons of pillows?

jeff.tsang said...

It's Mandy Moore, she drives a hybrid, and although she's known mainly as a singer, she can act pretty well.

http://popsugar.com/106429

Fabiola Thing said...

pusssykatt said...
Who did we see recently walking out of a store with tons of pillows?
---------------
Renee Zellweger, I think...
And we know she doesn't need to lose any weight, and Renee in a skintight white jumpsuit? Um, not bloody likely.

Diva said...

oooh jeff.tsang... good guess!
I have seen her weight criticized lately, too.

Maria said...

It's Jessica Simpson. Curves men drool over and more. Gained weight and has lost lots but looks incredible. Sings and acts a bit.

Fabiola Thing said...

I just can't see Mandy Moore in a white jumpsuit...can you?

jeff.tsang said...

The "and more" comment gives it away...

captivagrl said...

beyonce and hilary duff are celebrity barbie dolls

brendalove@gmail.com said...

Okay, I'm usually easygoing as hell, but Ted steps over the line here IMHO. Do we really even need to know who this was? Yeah, she was stupid not to GO when she had to GO, but....come on!

sarah said...

Kim Kardashian can't act her way out of a paper bag. Mandy Moore is my guess.

jax said...

what about Juliet lewis? she's always wearing the skintight jumpsuits, acts but mainly plays with her band now.

the other thing i got from white jumpsuit was Uma in Kill Bill but not sure about that.

Jerry said...

I think the "shimmy" is a dead giveaway. One vote for Alice Brady.

Jolara said...

ROFLMAO - Jerry's comment!

Jolara said...
This comment has been removed by the author.