Friday, November 16, 2007

Ted C Blind Item

Time for an update on the world’s not exactly best-kept secret, the actual identity of Toothy Tile, the (now infamous) closeted homo actor who used to want us to know he liked diddling boys in parking lots and everywhere else imaginable. Our inbox is a curious, overflowing influx of both salivating and outraged disenchantment. Why are we delaying things, they scream in cantankerous unison, as if Toothy’s consulting us personally, like we’re the Columbia School of Homo-Outing Journalism or something.

We’ll leave that to other institutions of righteous indignation. We here at Awful still say it’s ultimately up to the celeb—not us—to say she or he leans closer to Rosie or T.R. (Isaiah, we are not.) Oh! Oh! Oh! Our fave reader stab—which are all over the friggin’ map these days—at T.T.’s real name? Joel McHale! Come to think of it, J.M. does linger in wardrobe when I’m trying on the latest Ben Sherman...though, it ain’t him.

But listen, Tooth, if you’re reading, and we know you are, just wanna give ya a little fairly heated heads-up: Heaps (albeit small heaps, we’ll admit) o’ your pals are contacting us. They’re complaining not only about this damn about-face on your self-proclaimed mission to take a strong stand at letting the world know how down you are to be queer, but they’re more personally peeved, too. Remember all those canceled dinners and parties and such, the ones where your “people” (who would sell their first adopted Chinese kid for a made-up, ass-kissing item in People) said, "Better not be seen with these fagola guys"?

Well, the guys are getting more than put out over your arguably ill-advised, sudden distancing. In fact, it’s prolly safe to say your old gang’s more worked up than a dog-lovin’ bitch after Ellen DeGeneres’ ass, and that’s no joke. Watch it.

9 comments:

Trix said...

Ah, so even more of Jake's little friends are getting pissed about his hypocrisy. This is getting juicy.

Alan said...

ted c's loopy-ass needs to move on past toothy tile. why do i bother reading his ridiculous writing style for more of the same tired news? c'mon. why bother posting these blinds if you aren't' gonna give us anything new or interesting? sheesh, about as predictable as phil jackson's jokes.

jax said...

oh looks like Austin Nichols got 'dumped' for Reese...lol.

Gay Rover, GAy Rover we call....JAKE over!

Miss X said...

LOL, Jax

Could it be any more obvious that this is Jake? I guess, if Ted had a pic of Jake up...

Hmmm...anyone else getting the feeling Jakey's gay friend are going to out him?

junglekitten said...

I agree Alan!! WTF??

wood1107 said...

And what's all this about Jake & Austin recently having a baby thorough a surrogate? Any news on that?

We love you Jakey! Come out, come out, wherever you aaaarrre!

ms_wonderland said...

And Ent posts a pic of Jake making cutesey eyes at Lance Armstrong in the next item. Subtle, that.

kellysirkus said...

Ent, perhaps you could get Austen to write for the blog ... "anonymously" of course

Miss X said...

kellysirkus, I love that idea.

Ent, how about it? Can you get Toothy's BF or even BFF to blog on CDAN? =)