Friday, May 11, 2007

Four For Friday--Mother's Day Edition

All of the answers have a mother. Too difficult? OK, how about all the answers are mothers. (not as in difficult, but as in are a mom)

1. This sometimes brunette A list movie actress gave up her child for adoption twelve years ago while she was still struggling. Now the child wants to meet the mom, but the mom is freaked out by what the public may say.

2. This B list television actress mom who moves from show to show caught her then 17 year old daughter having sex with her then mid 40's husband.

3. This former A list movie actress, now struggling B list television/film actress never gets to see her teenage children. The reason is that she made Mommie Dearest look like a saint.

4. This mom of the century raised a lawyer/blogger who wants her to know how much she means to him and that he appreciates her struggles as a single mom. Yes, he was an ass as a teenager, "borrowed" money until his mid 20's, and maybe doesn't express his love enough, or call enough, but she's never stopped loving him which makes her the greatest mom in the world.

Bartles And Jaymes Poolside BBQ

You just can't hope to have a poolside BBQ without Alexis Arquette and Candy Ass.
Adam Brody and Mark McGrath just look like two guys having fun. No frat boy crap. Just fun.

Bijou Phillips back to being beautiful after last week's disaster.


Carmen. Carmen. Carmen. Wished three times but all I got was Candy Ass.
Everyone thought Cris Judd was working as a waiter there.

The only possible explanation is a hickey.

Are those Laboutines?

Woodstock was a very long time ago.
Another popular ZX guess is Taryn Manning.

More Links

LOST info and spoilers.

Bobby is suing Whitney. I'm trying to remember the last time Bobby was actually doing the suing. I'm sure he must have sued his New Edition manager or the record label he was on at the time, but other than that he has always been on the other side of the v. Bobby wants more time with his daughter. He says that he's been homeless at times since the divorce. Well sure, he and his daughter should spend some time homeless together. Good bonding experience. Maybe they can both get signs saying will work for food and hang out at an off-ramp. It could be his own version of take your daughter to work day.

Bruce Willis in a chat room. Hey, there was a non-believer. I know the feeling Bruce.

One family thinks the case of Jett Travolta should be investigated by the state of Florida.

Robbie Williams knows how to go online also.

Paris Hilton Looks Like Crap Photo Of The Day With Bonus Photo

When I first saw this photo of Paris from Coachella I was going to post it with a comment such as when Paris sees a video camera she just automatically assumes its porn and opens her mouth because she knows it's time to perform. But, then I said to myself one photo with a brilliant caption doesn't necessarily make it so.
Until today.

Pete Doherty Blood Art

So I can't decide what's more disturbing. The thought that Pete Doherty makes art from his own blood, or that he's splattering his diseased blood all over when he's making these concoctions. Do you really think he's precise and careful with his blood? Now, with the disgusting part out of the way, I have to say the bottom one isn't half bad. His art show opened recently and includes 10 pieces of work.


Mother's Day

As I do at every holiday or pseudo-holiday I try and find the very best spoofs that make a holiday special. Mother's Day shouldn't be an exception. I do want to say that I know many of you who read this are mothers and I hope that someone takes the time to give you special appreciation on Sunday. You deserve appreciation everyday of the year, but am glad you get your very own day so it's enforced. It's kind of like Valentine's Day in that regard. I also want to thank ZX for telling me what I should buy my mother and then making my gift look like crap in comparison to what she bought and made her mother. It doesn't matter though because all moms (well most of them) simply love the idea that you had to devote time to thinking of a gift and therefore were on your mind even more than usual. For the most part they don't really care what they get as long as it's given with love. This is why my mom was able to put up with 13 consecutive years of Charlie perfume.



The following video is one of the best tributes to moms I've seen.

Lyric Culture Launch Party

Who is this man?
Whoops. It's not a man it's Fergie. Actually, I must be losing my mind because she actually looks good here.

I know I'm losing my mind now because Kim Kardashian continues to wear less makeup and to look less like a porn star and actually looks good. This is the third consecutive time I haven't trashed her.

I've never thought Rachel Hunter was all that hot and it just gets worse as time goes by. She always looks like she's squinting which then gives her face that puckered fish look. She rarely smiles and just seems incredibly high maintenance. Hey, but Jarrett Stohl likes her and so I'm happy for them.


The reason I watched Fresh Prince. Oh, and DJ Jazzy Jeff also.

Have I missed Tracey Edmonds and Eddie Murphy together somewhere? My perception is they haven't been photographed together in a few weeks.

Sophia Bush does the mock fake tuxedo t-shirt. If she was wearing a coat and all you saw was the top you would be like hmmmm.
The good Brittany. Relatively speaking of course. But just for the shirt she's going to move up a few places in goodness.
I love Amerie's dress and look and just about everything else about her. Did I mention her legs?

Wendell Baker Story Premiere

Eva Mendes is always at the top. I need to be careful how I write that because a word or two difference makes me seem perverted. I am of course, but like to keep that side hidden.

Johnny Knoxville shows his love and affection for Luke Wilson.
He even did a drawing of his beloved.

I hate Owen Wilson. I think everyone knows why.

Pete and Bridget Sampras. Pete should just shave the head. When there is more hair on the brows than the hair, it's time to say buh-bye to the hair.

The Wilson Brothers. These are three guys who can probably down a drink or two.

Of course excessive drinking can lead to this.

Phoebe Price makes the list simply because she took the chance to wear what she's wearing. She's starting early with the Susan Sarandon route.

Can you tell that I really like Eva Mendes?

Morning Links

Jaime Pressly has a son.

More Halle Berry pregnancy rumors. This time with photos.

Spencer Pratt wants to sleep with Paris. He's the guy who started the free Paris petition and the guy who convinced Heidi Montage to get the boob job.

LaKisha Jones speaks out. (She was on American Idol. I don't watch, so I didn't know who she was.)

CityRag charts the progress of the Olsen nose jobs over the years.

Ted C. Blind Item

Where do we start? When are folks gonna realize that blowin' out your brain cells with booze, dope and doofus doings ain't exactly the best way to go? Prolly never. But what the hell, that's not gonna stop me from tellin' on Whore-tense Past-tense, the country's latest glossy victim in chemically enhanced career descent.

Whore-hon—such the doll. Well, I never thought she was, but lotsa other folks sure did. Always found W.T. to be a bit o' a fake onscreen, not to mention in real life. I mean, who else would date a gay man for years just to get herself more in the tabloids? I know, I know, half of Hollywood's female population, but you get my point. Also, forgive moi, but I never really found Ms. P., with all of her kooky outfits, to be all that attractive—and I think that's largely because, deep down inside, Whorey was projecting nothing but a desperation to find the next heroin fix.

Which she always has found—much to the chagrin of Whore-baby's current group o' hangers-on. And, trust, when a bunch of nobody poseurs who leech on to a star's fading wattage just to get attention start worrying for their so-called friend's welfare, that amiga's gotta be in pretty pitiful shape. And Past-tense sure is.

So much so, in W.'s increasingly notorious state of euphoric Hell-Ay horniness, she's screwing busboys here, waiters there, car parkers, too—and she never stops to think that these (almost always skinny) dudes just might talk. 'Course, they haven't (yet), but W.T.'s buds sure as ef have. And the only other thing that's got these ultraclassy hangers-on—not to mention W.T. watchers—gabbing as much would be Ms. Pee's skeletal frame. For your next meal, hon, you might try a noodle, not a needle.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Jackass v. Kindness

JACKASS

So, this former sex siren, aging B list actress on a hit network show was at a MAC Cosmetics recently. Well the brand new clerk recognized our actress and was very much wanting to help and make a big sale. Our actress proceeded to spend almost an hour with the clerk. Our actress wanted to try everything. She refused to use any of the testers on the counter and made the clerk open brand new packages of several different bottles of perfume. When the clerk began to say that she didn't know if she could do that, our actress did the "Don't you know who I am routine?" and that the store always let her do it because she spends so much money there.

Our actress then proceeded to try every kind of makeup and perfume imaginable until there was a pile of about 40 different items all opened and worth about $3000. At about this time the boyfriend of our actress shows up and our actress tells the clerk she has to go. The boyfriend asks if she's going to buy anything and the actress says, "Nope. It's all junk. I was just killing time waiting for you." With that, the actress walked out the door. Luckily, the clerk didn't get fired and now the actress is banned from the store.

KINDNESS

**This one came to me yesterday, is barely blind and will probably be public before the end of the day so guess quickly.**

So this once married singer and his girlfriend were getting on the elevator at their apartment when an older gentleman was coming out. As the gentleman exited the elevator, he stopped, grabbed his chest and fell down in front of them. The man managed to whisper to the singer that he had left his medication in his apartment. Our singer grabbed the keys and headed to the apartment while his girlfriend dialed 911. Our singer came back and gave the elderly man a pill and stayed with him until the paramedics arrived. The man was hospitalized overnight and then released.

How About Some More Links And Photos Of Jake G.

Almost midnight and Jake G and his friend Austin Nichols out at Borders. I guess Reese was busy.
Thanks to Henry and outofsightmedia for the photos.


Val Kilmer enjoys his food and a beer or two or 34 judging by these photos.

The American Idol producers want you to spend more time in front of the television. They are searching for the next great American band.
Britney's tour headed to Europe? Well if she only spends 15 minutes in each city, she could perform almost everywhere. Look. I like Britney, but I just don't think doing a 20 minute lip synch show is worth a tour.

Fantasy Island: The Movie starring Eddie Murphy???

ZX Never Has A Dull Day

I went to Home Depot and got lumber to make shelves. After having it cut and picking the stain, I found them prefab for a quarter the cost. But, if you're going to make shelves, you kind of HAVE to sand and get dirty, don't you? Isn't that the fun of being alive?

I went to meet a friend for lunch at Papa Cristo's, which is a hole in the wall market serving the most scrumptious Greek food this side of the Mediterranean. My favorite waiter told me they'd hired a new bus boy and he was telling him how as an infant he'd been separated from his family in the Greek earthquake of 1953 and sold by a scandalous judge. THE BUSBOY WAS HIS LONG LOST COUSIN!!! He just got back from meeting his mother and five brothers for the first time. If you ever lose faith, this is the kind of thing that will give you a good old fashioned poke in the peach cleft.

Anyway, the friend I was meeting is a director. He was telling me about all the exciting projects he's working on, and every time he would get particularly het up, yoink, I would snag an errant lamb chop and he would look perturbed, but go right on talking. I interrupted him to tell him that someone had contacted me about starring in his late father's comic book movie. Suddenly, I got a lot more glamorous and important and the disappearing lamb chops were no longer an issue.

I got rear ended on the 101 yesterday. No matter what is going on in your life, in a fraction of a second, WHACK! It gets exponentially worse. My best friend just suffered a hit and run, so I basically clogged up the freeway and suspiciously wrote down the license plate number before I glanced up to see the cutest little 16 year old girl mouthing horrified, "I'M SOOO SORRY!" It was her first accident and I wanted to let it go but the rental car she was in was destroyed, so I gave her a hug instead.

In regard to the Russian actress I'm working with and her accidents. All three of the drivers she rear ended WERE named Mike. The girl who hit me was named Mika, so maybe there is something to her theory.

Christina Fulton Charity Event

Aaaah. Nicolas Cage looks like the picture of health doesn't he? His wife looks pretty though.
Nicolas Cage's ex and their son. My family is a hugging family, but thankfully, my mom never hugged me like that or I might have decided to grow my hair like Cousin It and wear makeup. Whoops. Too late to help here.

I haven't seen Marla Maples in, well forever.
Shar Jackson looks really pretty. Hard to see what she saw in Mr. K-Fed.

More Links And ZX Later Today

Jamie-Lynn Sigler in Vegas Magazine.

In all seriousness, Amy Winehouse is rumored to be in the running to be the new Bond girl. What that says to kids is this:

Do meth, lose your teeth, become a movie star. Or, in Fergie's case a singer with a very deep voice.

Kim Kardashian sans the normal ten pounds of makeup. Stick with this look Kim. More photos here.

Kylie Minogue's having a mental affair. Well I'm sure that will make his wife much happier.

Beastie Boys have a new record coming out. It's entirely instrumental.

Dr. Phil about to be cancelled.

Nylon Magazine Young Hollywood Edition (in NYC???)

OK. The way I read this photo is that Lindsay Lohan and Calum Best are about five seconds away from full on sex and that Dina's excited to watch.
Tag-A-Long isn't happy about Lindsay's pick-up for the night.

Damien Fahey and Michael Strahan. Hmmmm.

NY Daily News Blind Item

Which married-with-offspring designer has been regularly leaving the office for dangerous liaisons with his much younger, reed-thin, male paramour?

Morning Links And Some Pics

You know you look like absolute crap when I say that Eva Longoria looks hot compared to you. Jessica Simpson has transmuted into some god awful Las Vegas cross-dressing parody of herself with a tan that looks worse than the old woman from There's Something About Mary. Also, the way she is posing her right fist is very, very strange.

Brittany Murphy wedding photo. Don't they look like the happy couple? He looks thrilled. Maybe he's really a zombie and Brittany has some kind of voodoo doll she uses which makes him always look that stiff. The man knows no other pose. Brittany, on the other hand knows exactly what she wants the world to see. Look at her show off that ring.
And a big ring it is. But remember, she has another one in case she gets bored with this one.

Angelina Jolie talks to Reader's Digest. It's actually pretty revealing.
Jared's porn past. Not as lurid as it sounds, but catchy isn't it?
The Hoff's former nanny holds the power. Which parent was nicer to her? Which one sang songs to her in German and called her Apple Strudel?

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Today's Blind Items

So I've had a jackass ready for a week or so, but didn't have a kindness until about an hour or so ago. It's been awhile since I did a post like that and so I called around and found a good kindness. So tomorrow at this time will be the latest installment of Jackass v Kindness so hope you will check it out.

Anyway, I know you want something for today, so here it is.

I've been trying to avoid the gay and lesbian items because they are so prevalent everywhere else, but this one was too good to pass up. So, this very soft spoken A list actress in theory, but in reality couldn't open a movie in her name hasn't had the best luck when it comes to guys. All of her relationships have been in the public eye and have had disastrous results. I don't want to make it seem like she goes from one guy to the next, because she doesn't. Over the past few years there have only been three by my count and they were all long term relationships. Well, it seems as if our actress found someone on the set of her latest movie. The thing is the person she found was a woman. She can't possibly go public with it and as far as I know its her first time being in a relationship with a woman. There's no pressure on our actress from her lover, and so the two are spending some time together away from prying eyes while they decide whether it's real or just a fling. This one is a really big shocker and would probably make your mouth drop. I actually think she deserves some happiness whether with a man or a woman.

Lindsay Lohan's Daily Intake

From tomorrow's National Enquirer.


Lindsay Lohan's drug and alcohol use is escalating out of control. The troubled actress is snorting massive amounts of cocaine mixed with Ecstasy, taking downers to sleep and boozing daily, insiders say. As The Enquirer already reported Lindsay already suffered a secret drug overdose on November 12th. "Lindsay's drugging and drinking is out of control! She learned nothing in rehab," a Lohan friend reveals. Lindsay's substance abuse kicked into high gear when she hit the Coachella music festival in Indio, California in late April. Her friend says, "Lindsay bought six tablets of Ecstasy “ three with an imprint of a blue Smurf and three with a pink diamond. She also bought an eight-ball of cocaine (about 3½ grams). Lindsay did line after line of coke all weekend. She was always the last one to leave all-night parties because she was still flying high." Lohan's friend says Lindsay also drank heavily. "One morning she ordered a $400 breakfast; two bottles of Ketel One vodka, one bottle of Belvedere vodka and a bottle of Patron tequila. Since that weekend, Lindsay has been drifting a near-24/7 haze. Lindsay crushed Ecstasy into the coke and snorted it to get a hardcore rush. Her favorite alcohol is vodka. She pours it into a 16-oz. water bottle and drinks it straight or mixed with some soda. But she also drinks tequila and champagne."

Time Magazine 100 Most Influential People Party

Has anyone ever seen America Ferrera not smiling?
"I'll trade you Jessica for Oprah straight up."

One of my favorite couples.
Matt Lauer and his wife have matching haircuts. Hey, at least they don't dress alike. Well in public anyway.
So do I think she looks like a Queen because she is or does she really look like a Queen?
Yes, Tina. You and Alec will keep working together.
Ziyi Zhang is absolutely stunning.
I wonder who she blogs for?