Timmy Weekend Update

#1-To the best of my knowledge there is no book deal or anything like it. If there is, I'm not getting any money from it. I think it would make a great book and movie, but I think there is more potential for a movie with Gift Clement.

#2 It's not a simple answer. When I reveal it will be a long post explaining everything.

#3 Shimmy is NOT
Hattie McDaniel
Edith Evans
Josephine Hull

#4 Timmy was a very good singer. He was not A list. William Haines was a mentor to him. Katharine Hepburn adored Timmy.

This has nothing to do with Timmy, but just an observation. This site generally gets between 2M-3M hits a month and that's great. I'm perfectly happy with that and don't want to get much higher because then it would be much harder to fly under the radar. That monthly number translates into about 100,000 hits a day and about 50,000 unique visitors. It never really varies up or down much except on the weekends. Even with Timmy/Shimmy the comments increased, but not the number of people coming to the site.

Since the Vanessa Hudgens nude photo scandal, this site has been getting 200,000 hits an HOUR. Is seeing an 18 year old girl naked that exciting? At what point in the world has everyone seen the photo? If I get 3M people a day looking at it and all the other sites who have her photo get 3M hits a day at what point do you reach the population of the world?

The surreal thing about it also is that none of those 200,000 people an hour looking at her photo have any idea what the rest of the site is about. They are just following a link. They have no idea about Timmy/Shimmy or anything else. It's a very odd kind of feeling. It's like the rest of us are living in a separate world.

I just wish that those numbers of people could be turned into something more positive than looking at some really bad photo of someone barely B list. It seems like such a waste, so if anyone has any ideas, I'm open to putting a link, and idea, a charity, or anything on that naked photo post which would at least present the opportunity for something positive.

Four For Friday

#1 This A list actress was paid a substantial sum of money and got the rights to produce a movie which had been previously unavailable all for making some comments in a magazine interview.

#2 This dog loving B list film actor was shot down last night at a club by this A list (everywhere but America) performer when he tried to hit on her. She not only turned him down, but was heard to say, "I thought you were gay."

#3 This singer has never been known as the brightest tool in the shed, but even for her this is disturbing. At an after party last night for Fashion Rocks, this singer tried to buy some coke from a guy who took her money and promised to return right away with the coke. He never came back, so she went looking for him and found him. When she confronted him and demanded her money back, he refused. She then said, "I'm going to go find a cop and tell him you stole my drug money." The guy couldn't stop laughing.

#4 This follicle challenged former A list teen idol and now doing anything to stay young has always been rumored to play both sides of the fence. Well, what wasn't known is his apparent love of female garments. Last week while shopping, our actor bent over and when he did so, his pink thong was visible for the entire store to see.

Random Photos Part One

Jerry you just keep working out 24 hours a day if that's what it takes to make Rebecca happy. You know you married so far above yourself that you should get down on your knees and pray to whatever is holy that you got her. Not too many guys can make a movie with a kangaroo and still pull that off.
Fashion shows make for some great combinations, although I know all of you are just looking at Clive.
So, there he is all alone and waiting for you.
Not Christina Applegate's best look.
Christina Aguilera could have shared half her makeup with the other Christina and still had enough left over for
Zac Efron who is in Australia with his safe girlfriend Nikki.Molly Sims can't always be on top, but she looks great.

For all other parents, the calendar was free. For Angelina it cost $5,000.
Have you seen Maggie's new lingerie ads? Maybe later I will post them, but there has already been lots of nudity and partial nudity these past few days. Although, I'm sure if I had nude pics of Johnny Depp, no one would complain.

I still think Mischa is ugly as hell, but the outfit is better than the dress she wore last night. She should have just worn this.

Guess The Celebrity Friday Edition

C list film actress with A list name recognition best known for her long time television role
Fading B list film actress who at one point was on the verge of A list stardom.

B list film actress who thinks she is the greatest actress ever.
The last thing this performer needs is more pills.
This B list film actor used to have it all, now just memories of being with an A lister.
$250M for this?

Want To Go To Mt. Everest But Think You'll Be Bored?

I'm sure many of you have always wanted to go to Mt. Everest, but the only thing stopping you was for want of something to do when you get there. Well that is all about to change. On October 13th, 40 British musicians are going to be staging the first acoustic concert on Mt. Everest. By making that clarification, they seem to be indicating that someone was the first to have an electric concert on Mt. Everest. The violin concert above obviously doesn;t count for anything, but makes a good photo. Big crowd. I wonder how the t-shirt sales were.

The concert which will take place at 18,000 feet is expected to raise several million dollars for the Love Hope Strength Foundation which is a cancer charity founded by Alarm frontman Mike Peters.

There probably won't be much dancing at that altitude and October should be nice and frosty also for the performers who include Stray Cats, The Fixx, The Alarm, and Squeeze. The show will be available on iTunes, but haven't seen if it will be broadcast in any other medium.

Fashion Rocks--Extra Extra Snarky

I want you to remember this is Fashion Rocks which takes place during Fashion week, and many of these people want to be or have been models. Maybe the photographers were pissed at everyone because J-Lo didn't share what she had or something, but these people for the most part look awful. They should just be grateful it wasn't in LA and in the sunshine or they would even look worse.

With all that being said Alicia Keys looks amazing. She's lost some weight and love the long hair and dress and if I thought she could take all 400 hairy pounds of me I would go for it.

Carrie Underwood is nothing special and not as innocent as she would lead you to believe.
What the hell happened to Carmen Electra's face? Seriously. I like Carmen and it's like something happened since last week and she's aged twenty years.
Ashanti is hiding the 20 extra pounds well. It was about 30 pounds and she's been working like a mad woman to burn it all off. Weight gain will happen if you are living with a guy who has the munchies almost 24 hours a day.
Don't you feel like the last time you saw Ashlee Simpson smile was back in the 3rd grade when it was Jessica's turn with Daddy.
There are no words to describe this look. Remember, Avril wants to be a model, and someone told her ugly zebra striped ass that she looked good and then she agreed with them. She's got stripes on the top and the bottom and probably underneath also. This has to go in the top ten ugliest looks of all times at any show, premiere, opening, anything. It is horrible and can't believe she's even smiling. When she got home after everyone laughed, her husband probably got his tiny ass beat.
This look used to be artificially contrived, now I think it's what she smokes, and lots of it. Everyday, all day.

tick, tick, tick. Plus you wore that last year.
When Jessica Alba pulls her hair back it just makes her look even more skinny and bony because she's emphasizing the fact that she has no fat anywhere on her body. Not that I still wouldn't take a shot and not that
50 Cent didn't take his own shot also.
Glad to see Fergie is back to being her ugly, man looking self because if I had to be nice to her two days in a row, would probably have had to take whatever J-Lo's taking.
This dress Mischa's wearing doesn't even fit. I'm not even going to show you how hideous the back looks. Did she really tell the designer, "OMG, I love this dress."

Even one of my favorites Lee Ann Rimes looks terrible. What the hell is going on with her eyes? It's like she's got Avril's raccoon eye thing going on.
Who knew Kimora had six chins. Just recounting. There are six.
I read something last week that said Kat DeLuna was going to be bigger than Jennifer Lopez. Right now she's just a bigger mess, and take into account that Jennifer is one big freaking mess.
"Hey ladies, who wants to be first tonight with The Piv."
50, LL, and Ludacris look great. They really should be on the top with Alicia.

You know that it is a crap day when Teri Hatcher actually looks good compared to everyone else.
Tyra looks amazing. Finally a model who gets it and knows what to wear and how to wear it. Not that she does it all the time. She can be a big mess too.
If you are wondering what happened to Luka, Suzanne Vega ate him.
Nicole looks like a Brady Bunch episode, but it kind of looks decent. I always think she can be pretty when she tries. If she wasn't such a bitch since she gave up drinking and drugs, she would almost be a pleasant date.

Mary Kate Olsen Refuses To Swim In The Ocean

You would think that Mary Kate's hesitation would have something to do with being unable to swim, but it doesn't. The reason she refuses to swim in the ocean or anywhere even though she would love to, is because it's asking for a bikini shot from the paparazzi and she doesn't want that.

"I don't need to be on a 'Who's Skinny, Who's Fat, Who's Looking Healthy, Who's Not Eating?' list."

She went on to say that if she sees a pap coming she will do everything she can to hide her face so they can't use the photo. The only time she will happily pose is for premieres, openings, award ceremonies and when she has something to sell or promote, or her sister has something to sell or promote. Actually she just said the first three, but come on, who is she kidding. If she has something to sell or promote she's out there like everyone else doing what needs to be done.

I do feel for her on the bikini thing though. You know they would be plastered everywhere, each with their own headline about why she was dying, or her weight loss or some other kind of crap.

Luciano Pavarotti's Final Performance

Although I had advised everyone the other day that Pavarotti was near death, I was taken to task by several people yesterday for not doing something in tribute to him after he died. It certainly wasn't my intention to ignore him, but just felt you could get better coverage somewhere else. Here though, is his final performance from the Olympics in Torino.

Badgley Mischka Runway Spring 2008

DeBarge Family Begs Janet Jackson For Money

In the midst of another arrest of a DeBarge family member, this time Chico DeBarge, and the oldest brother El DeBarge still in jail, unable to afford bond, Janet's former husband and rumored father of her alleged child has been ordered to ask Janet for some money so the family can get the two brothers out of jail.

El DeBarge who was arrested two weeks ago on a domestic violence charge has not been able to come up with the $10,000 bail needed to get out of jail. His younger brother Chico was arrested over the weekend for allegedly possessing illegal drugs with intent to sell. He and a woman were arrested after they came to a complete stop in the left lane of a highway in Los Angeles so they could trade places.

When the police responded to the idiot stopped in the left lane of a highway, they allegedly discovered the drugs and cash indicating intent to sell laying on the seat.

The family was already unable to afford one bail, and now with Chico's bail and defense costs expected to be high, the family is turning to Janet to help them out in their time of need. If she doesn't help, look for the family to start spilling secrets about the Jackson clan in exchange for cash.

Ted C. Blind Item

Yeah, Hollywood's full of finagling femmes (and dudes), fer sure, but Bored Broomhilda sure takes the conniving cake. Not only has she used men in the past the way I go through adjectives, but now, Broomy's sweet guy has no idea she's, like, totally ready to dump him out with last night's leftover Caesar salad.

And after all this tawk that B.B. was done with her man-mangling ways, what bosh!

Thing is, Bored's babe, an okay honey by the mattress-movin' name of Buzz Thrill, really doesn't have any idea whatsoever he's 'bout to get a stiletto right where he used to get far more supple attention from Ms. B, a pro at the ersatz nooky thang if ever there was one. See, B.B. really does, in the end (as it were), prefer the romantic type o' partner with less protruding genitalia. Hmmm. Does Buzz know he's just been a pawn in B2's masterminding machinations, all along?

Of course he does—he's not that much of a doofus, contrary to popular gab. It's just that, eh, how shall I put this? Like so many women say about gay men, B.T. thought he could change Broomhilda's ways.

What a fool.

Thursday's Timmy Hint

Shimmy is NOT

Mercedes McCambridge
Judy Holiday

Timmy is NOT

Danny Kaye

Tomorrow night I will provide two more NOT's and also give big hint for Timmy

The Alice Ginger Letter

Hello,

I am miss Alice Ginger, 20 years old from ivory coast. daughter of mrs Sandra Ginger the Secretary Wife and Personal Assistant to former ivory coast president. I have 8.5 million USD which was made by my mother before she died in oct 2004 which is left in a suspence account in a bank here in my country. I seek your permision to remmit this amount into your account so that i could come to your country for investment and to further my studies. I have accepted to offer you 20% of the total sum for your desire to assist me. Please, i humbly seek for your assistance.

Best Regards. Miss Alice Ginger.

My reply

Hi Alice,

Nice to meet you. It's great that your mom left you so much money. It must have been hard to lose your mom at such a young age. Don't you think she would have been better off spending some of that money on a maid, a secretary and a hooker so she could live a longer life. I mean basically it seems like it's all your dad's fault that she died at such a young age.

What happened to your Dad? Did he get overthrown? I've never been to the Ivory Coast but I saw that Leonard DiCaprio movie about blood diamonds and that Nicolas Cage movie about gun running so I feel like I know everything there is to know about Africa.

I would be glad to give you my authorization so you can get your money. Hell, I'll authorize for anyone in the world. It's funny that a simple guy like me can control that much money in the world just by saying yes.

So you said you are coming to to the US to study. I think that's great. Do you need a place to stay? My mom doesn't normally let me have guests stay overnight but I think that for 20% of $8.5M she might make an exception. There's not much room in my room. I have a futon you can use. It's kind of old and the sheets haven't been changed in awhile, but hey, with as much money as you are going to have I figure you could spring for some new sheets and some air freshener. That's a must.

I've always wanted to date a co-ed, especially one from a foreign country. We always had exchange students in school when I was growing up, but I was more like Ricky in Better Off Dead and not even close to John Cusack. We never had an exchange student actually stay in our house. The closest I ever came to one staying with us is when I would have a party and they would pass out from drinking too much.

Do you drink? Know any good drinking games? You really should practice before you come over here. So where do you live? Do you live at home? Is your dad kind of cool or he is like Jessica Simpson's dad?

Anyway, just let me know what I need to do to get the money.

Ted

The Bank Sends Me An E-mail

Attn:
Mr Ted Casablanca
5750 Wilshire Boulevard, Los Angeles, CA90036
3236924880
Sir,

In reference to your personal informations received from Mrs Gift Clement presenting you as the BENEFICIARY TO THE FUND deposited by her late husband in a Diplomatic Suspense account with our bank we therefore want to tell you that before we can only approve the transfer on the presentation of the DIPLOMATIC A/c Number and Pinc Code of the said depositfor our verifications.

Thanks,

Mr Didier Jacques
International Remittance Manager,
Banque Nationale D'investissement
Abidjan Cote D'Ivoire.
Tel: (00225)04055012

My Reply

Dear Mr. Jacques,

I love your name. It's very provincial. I don't think I've ever met a Mr. Jacques. I've met people with the first name of Jacques, and obviously people named Jack, but I don't think I've ever met a Mr. Jack or Mr. Jacques. In the movie Hot Pursuit which I loved there was a Captain Jack but again I think it might have been his first name. Now that I think about it, maybe it wasn't Hot Pursuit, it could have been that Kurt Russell Martin Short movie that took place in the ocean somewhere. I don't know much about it, but I think Kurt's character might have been Captain Jack. I could probably look it up in IMDB, but I'm kind of lazy.

Do you ever look things up in IMDB or are you more of a Mr. Skin fan? Well I think we all are really and there's nothing to be ashamed about if you are a Mr. Skin fan.

Anyway, in your letter you are asking for a DIPLOMATIC A/c Number and Pinc Code. I have no idea what either of those are. Please let Gift know that she needs to get those to you as soon as possible because honestly, the sooner she dies and I get the money, the better and right now until she gets you those things, I'm having to be nice to her and pretend I care. It's kind of like Anna Nicole Smith and the old dude except Anna got a lot more money than I'm going to get out of Gift and at least J Howard got a little nookie before he passed. Have you seen Gift? Nookie is most definitely not on my mind.

So, write to Gift and get the information from her. I can tell you are a first class bank because you use Yahoo for your e-mail. It makes it much easier doesn't it? I love writing to Citibank@yahoo.com because I know everything is going to just the right place and that all my bank records are confidential.

Thanks also for providing me your phone number. I may have questions, but not about Gift. I may be calling you to talk about this girl named Alice Ginger. She's some 20 year old rich hottie and I want to know all about her. She lives right there in your country so you must know her.

Anyway, I have to go.Take care.

Ted

Gift Writes Back And Encloses A Photo

The letter from Gift

My Dear Ted

I thank you so much for your kind and wounderful informations which I received with thanks and respect to you with understanding.

I have contacted the Bank officials to see that everything moves fine with co-operation and understanding.

I can see that you are a Person of sincerity and I have given you all trust with all my heart believing that you will keep to your words and see that people around you are blessed through this funds, when it comes to your account.

I believe you know my health condition that I may die anytime, and I want you to have this transaction in your heart and do all things are yours, make sure you treat this transaction as your personal issue follow up and keep all instructions.

I am happy to inform you that I have forwarded your details to the Bank as to proceed immediately for the transfer.The Funds is with BANQUE NATIONALE D’INVESTISSEMENT and you have to expect the contact of the bank, please whatever you don't understand try to ask me as I want you to know that all trust are in your hands and you must keep to your words and put all assistance and supports to see the best of this transfer.

I need your prayers and I believe whatever you plan for my health will be the success to me.I am happy for you and will always expect to hear from you, the Bank promised to contact you for details.

I believe you know the acondition of my health, if you don't hear from me, never you be worried, because I know where I am going and I do these just to show my love and likeness to the people of the world, so follow up and I am happy that your Bank details have to presented to the Bank.

Always get back to me as to know your communication with my
bank director.

NB: Attached is my sick picture looking forward to see yours.

I wait for your email always.Mrs Gift Clement.

My response

Dear Gift,

Thanks for writing me back so quickly and getting the bank to write me that quickly as well. I wish my own bank was as speedy as yours. It's just amazing to me that a woman laying in a hospital bed with plugs everywhere in her body, dodging her husband's killers 24 hours a day has found the time to write to me, attach photos and also to contact a bank on the other side of the world from you and get them to write me, all within 24 hours.

But, mine is not to reason why, but only to spend all that money. I'm really looking forward to all the money Gift, but I have to be honest with you. I know it might be hard to hear, but I'm cheating on you. I know, I know, we just met and already I'm straying. It's just like with my 3rd wife and the caterer at the wedding reception. It's not that I don't think you are sexy because God help me woman, you are one fine looking woman even with the cancer and the tubes and the family members out to kill you.

Anyway I'm cheating on you with a woman who is offering me 20% of $8.5M and all I have to do is give her my bank account number. I don't have to worry about her dying or her relatives trying to kill me or making funeral arrangements. Plus she's only 20 years old and is the daughter of the former President of The Ivory Coast. Hey, isn't that where your bank is? Maybe you two know each other.

Anyway, her name is Alice Ginger and the money came from her dead mother. If Alice is only 20 and her mom died in 2004, then her mom must have been pretty young when she died. Do you think that your husband's killers could have killed Alice's mother? That would be some f**king coincidence. Anyway, she's only 20 Gift. I'm like 67 years old and so a 20 year old paying me money is kind of hot. Usually its the other way around which is why I want your money so badly, and to also help charity.

I know you probably don't know what f**king means and if your husband died in 2001 you probably haven't been getting much f**king anyway so it doesn't really matter.

The bank sent me a letter asking for some kind of Diplomatic A/c number and Pinc Code before they would release the money. So, you need to go ahead and give me that. It sounds really important and top secret and is way better than a regular checking account like we have here in the US. Do you get interest on that account? ATM withdrawals free?

I opened my checking account because the woman at the new accounts desk was hot and I wanted to spend 20 minutes talking to her. I think I was really making a good impression until she told me I needed $100 to open the account and I only had like $50. But still, good times.

I hope you and I will have good times Gift. There probably won't be very many with you on your last legs and your husband's killers thinking of new ways to do you in, but I want you to know, I'm going to treasure our memories and moments and will suck up to you as long as that cash is flowing.

I know you said you wanted another photo of me, but instead, I'm going to send you one of my very best friend Toothy.

Love Always,

Ted

(p.s) Hope you are okay with a little skin