Friday, October 05, 2007

Four For Friday

Don't forget about the meth dentist.

#1 I don't even know how you define what list someone is when they are on some ensemble show watched by teens and pre-teens, so go with the above, and make her a female. Make her pregnant which is causing the producers to have a heart attack because they really don't need anymore scandals. But wait, there's more. One of the producers who is old enough to be her grandfather shouldn't be having a heart attack because of shock, because he is the one who knocked her up. New boyfriends are being lined up as we speak.

#2 You remember the sisters who aren't speaking right? Well not speaking implies mild discord. They hate each other, and it is getting worse. The sister without the boyfriend, managed to track down boyfriend's phone number and has been filling him in on details about other sister's past boyfriends and what she may or may not have picked up from said boyfriends.

#3 "What wife? No, I think you have me confused with one of my brothers." So sayeth this married actor brother as he groped and fondled the woman he met in the bar for the first time just 30 minutes earlier.

#4 This oh so demanding curvy top 40 singer with the famous pipes, has a bit of a towel problem. Seems she makes one of her people go buy fresh towels daily. Yes, brand new towels must be used everyday irregardless of whether a towel was used the day before or not. Seems that our singer thinks that towels that have been hanging collect too much dust, and so wants fresh ones daily so she is always clean. I guess no one has bothered to tell her that they are gathering even more dust sitting in the store, or on the shelves of her home awaiting their first use. Hey, at least all her staff, their friends and family have more towels than they know what to do with.

Random Photos Part One

Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton. I was going to say Jack and Diane, two American kids growing up in the heartland, but hey, it's already been done.
From this angle, Jack just looks like a crazy old man who isn't making any sense to the Amish lady next to him.
"I thought this water was supposed to make you smart."
I'm sure Barry Bonds is enjoying this public appearance with his wife, the same day his ex-mistress says in a Playboy interview and pictorial that Bonds is an awful lover, violent, and a tightwad. "And what do you have to say about that Mrs. Bonds?"
Lady Victoria Hervey is not being very lady like. But I kind of like that. So is the Chanel bracelet just a simple f**k you to the rest of the world who can't afford one, or is there some specific beauty appeal that I'm missing?

It's not often I feel sorry for Kirsten Dunst, but she has to be thinking that maybe she should just start buying her own clothes instead of letting Lagerfeld's coffee and cigarette breath wash over her like that while being groped and pawed.
Jason Scott Lee here seen at the Pusan Film Festival has obviously watched the sly middle finger salute so carefully crafted by Simon Cowell.
I don't care if Janet Jackson exercises, starves herself or does lines of coke for 10 days straight, she can look amazing when she wants too. Damn.
Of course her brothers remind me of N'Sync whenever they get in the same room with Justin Timberlake.
It's been awhile since Victoria Beckham really got to let it all hang out again. But on the mom front she did take her youngest son Cruz with her when she went to Paris.

I am having a very tough time saying this, but Sarah Michelle Gellar looks pretty. That was like passing a stone. The only thing worse would be actually going out with Denise Richards. You know, I take that back, I would go out with Denise Richards because I want to know everything. So she stalks me for a few weeks and leaves dead mice on my doorstep. I think it would be worthwhile to hear what she has to say. Of course half of it wouldn't be true but it would still be fun to see those eyes get all beady while she sucks down the chapstick and rambles on about Charlie Sheen.
I didn't know they made Toughskins anymore, but Stephen J Cannell of A-Team fame seems to have found a pair. Either that or the bottom half of a leisure suit which he was wearing before his date Vanessa Williams was even born.
See what happens when you go to In-N-Out. Rebecca Gayheart gained a few pounds this week and now is getting back to being her amazing self.
Michelle Williams transforms into Mia Farrow.

In Case You Haven't Seen It

Here is the new Britney Spears music video.

This Is Disappointing


It probably has happened to all of us. We go to a bar or a Christmas party and get a little drunk and the next thing you know you have spent the night with that person who everyone avoids due to either smell, dandruff, or looks. You then spend the next month praying to everything that is holy that no one ever finds out and do your best to never look into the eye of that person. It happens. It's not fun, but you darn well make sure that in the future that you avoid that spiked punch from accounting because despite the fancy name it is just Kool-Aid and Everclear.

What you never do, no matter what, is go back for another round with the unmentionable. No matter how lonely you are and no matter how desperate you are, you just never make that phone call. Unless of course you are Britney Spears. The fact that she went back for a second round with JR Rotem is enough to show me she needs rehab. Forget everything else. If there is something inside your head that says, "It's 2am, but I think I will give JR a call and see if we can go spend 3 hours in a hotel room together having sex, and get caught by the pap" then it is time for rehab.

The only saving grace is that she did take him to a hotel room instead of her house. The only bad part is that no matter how you spin it, going to a hotel at 230am and leaving 3 hours later means either sex or drugs. I think it is a toss up as to which makes Britney look better in this situation.

Jessica Alba In EGO Ukraine





Johnny Depp From Finding Neverland And A Little Bonus






Now, if those were not enough for you, then click here to see a lot of Johnny Depp if you know what I mean. NSFW if you can't see naked butt.

As Rachel Predicted


Beyonce has been given permission to put on her normal show when she takes to the stage in Muslim Indonesia on November 7th.

The singer cancelled a recent gig in neighbouring Malaysia, in protest against the strict rules imposed on performers there. Instead she will perform in the Indonesian capital Jakarta, where authorities have ruled she can dress and perform as she pleases.

Concert promoter Nia Zulkarnaen says, "I expect Indonesians to see this in a positive light. She is a great singer and her stage act is entertaining. Why should we say no to the way she dresses? "Praise be to God, there has been no such demand. They realize it's positive entertainment for the youth."

I don't think even here in the US, we would say that Beyonce is positive entertainment for the youth, but it makes for one hell of a bumper sticker.

Kindness Plug

As always the words are those of the reader who sent this to me as well as in this case, several other readers and writers. Anyway, someone must know someone.

Hi Ent,I've got a fellow blogger who is desperately trying to save the life of a horse in California. I thought I'd forward this to you in hopes you could help get the word out. I imagine a lot of your readers are in CA. Since I'm in Canada, there's not much I can do.

http://wwwguilty-with-an-explanation.blogspot.com/2007/10/calling-all-animal-lovers.html

Please help?
Thanks.
Carrie in Canada

Calling All Animal Lovers

My daughter, who lives in Los Angeles, rides at a horse ranch in the area. She has sent the following letter to everyone she knows, which I am posting in the hope that someone can help her save a horse who is being sorely neglected by his owner.

I have met Shane, and he is a lovely animal.He needs a new home. He will die if that doesn't happen soon. Please take a few minutes to read Catie's letter, and if you know of anyone who can help, let me know. Thank you all.

**********************************************************************************

It sucks to depend on humans for your care.

Hi, all-Apologies for the spam, but I need to get the word out to as many people as possible, quickly. The last time I sent out an email to my whole address book was after 9/11, so please believe this is serious, and cut me a little slack since i've put up with years of chain letters, personality tests, stupid animal tricks, find-your-porn-star-name, and god knows what kind of emails in an effort to communicate with you people. (I'm saying that in jest, if tone doesn't come through. Point is, we all have things we care about enough to get others involved with, and if you've ever sent me a "hey, lipstick is cancerous! pass it on!!" email-o-gram, this one's for you. :) Seriously.

So, basically-- my barn has a wonderful horse named "Shane" who colicked (basically a stomach upset that's very serious for horses and can twist the intestines so badly everything vital is cut off). Because he has a bit of a quirky personality and is getting on in years, the owners don't want to try to save him-- they're leaving him to rot in a dirty stall and ignoring him until he dies. They are neither feeding nor walking him-- and movement is crucial in this situation. There are animal cruelty issues here that must be dealt with, but the more pressing need right now is to save him, and time is truly of the essence. He is not suffering right at this moment-- I've been giving him Banamine for days and walking him as much as possible, but there isn't a lot of time he can exist like this.

My request is that you please help me save this beautiful horse if you can. It doesn't cost you anything.

Why? Because he hasn't yet given up on himSELF, he still has a lot of life in him, and sick as he is, he still pricks up his ears and looks right at you, as if he is trusting that someone cares. He is not a mean horse, but he is high spirited and mischievous, and people don't like him because there are easier horses to ride. That's why he's been left to die. They said it isn't "business-minded" of them to save him. This is not some communist missive that will end with "down with the rich people!"-- we all of us make sound business decisions every day. But someone else's life shouldn't fall under that same rubric. And saying it costs more than a being is "worth" to treat him just deep-down fundamentally bothers me.

Without being overly anthropomorphic, please consider for a moment how easy it is to be misunderstood, and just think if your life depended on that misunderstanding. He's a good horse. He just needs a chance, and someone with a little patience. Imagine if you needed urgent medical care, and no one wanted to help you because sometimes you're a little crabby. Shane has taught a lot of people a lot of things, but at the end of the day, just wasn't bred to be a lesson horse. Someone abandoned him many years ago after spending a ton of money to buy him-- his original owner saw a pretty horse and had to have him, but had no real idea what to do with him, and wasn't experienced enough to deal with his spiritedness. The barn management made him a lesson horse so he'd earn his keep, and for many years now he's been doing a job decently well that he shouldn't do at all-- but it isn't his nature to be ridden by amateurs all day, and every so often he sort of acts out. He is NOT dangerous-- he just has some tricks to riding him that a confident rider can quickly sort out. But rather than just accept they made a mistake trying to make money on this one, they've decided to let him die so they can get more docile animals any junior can ride. Most of us have at one time or another found ourselves in a situation at which we arrived purely by circumstance. But because we are beings with free will in a free world, we're able to generally wiggle ourselves out. Animals aren't so lucky. This is a trapped spirit reliant on humans to fight for him, and I hope you will help get him on the better path he deserves.

2 ways you can help. Neither involve money.I have struck a deal with the barn owners not to put him down while i try to do what i can to help him-- I've got vet care under control, but if he makes it, I will want him rehomed.

So---

1. If you know any horse lovers in SoCal who could give an excellent home to a nearly 20 year old Arabian gelding who is otherwise sound... please let me know immediately. He very much wants a person of his own with whom to bond. Arabians are not bred to be ridden into the ground by many people- they are loyal and loving and trusting when it's earned, and this particular horse needs someone kind who will shower him with personal attention, and not push him to heal too fast so they can keep making money. He will need a good 3 months solid time off from work, but I am betting he will again be sound and a great riding companion for many more years. He just needs an honest chance, and someone to watch over him and not throw him back into work with idiots as soon as he clears medical. I have ridden him extensively myself, and am more than happy to give a thoroughly candid assessment of his abilities, personality, etc. if you know anyone interested.

2. That said, IF he pulls through is still up for debate. This is somewhat more personal than asking for a new home rec.... but please. If you can find a quiet moment, or better yet: several-- please just send your best and most healing thoughts, however you conceive of that. I do believe that helps tremendously. He has a heart and soul. I know it's probably corny, but if you saw him, you would know that. This horse has really no one on his side, and every bit of attention he gets seems to be helping right now. Like people, they get sad when they're sick and no one cares.

So that's really it. Long explanation, but it boils down to helping find him a new owner, and please just adding him to your prayers, good thoughts, and positive energy. Everyone at the barn expects him to die, and I want to counteract that somehow. This horse has really touched something in me.

Cynics among you, what can i say.
Philosophy friends: just think of this as a combination of a prayer wheel and pascal's wager.
Psych friends: am i over-personalizing this? have I over-identified with this animal? -No.
Old friends: have i gone and completely lost my mind? Maybe. I just don't think that putting forth good energy to this can hurt. I hope you'll help.

Thank you..
Catie

Like I Needed Another Reason To Like Reese Witherspoon


I have noticed lately that I have become something I never though I would and that is a Reese Witherspoon fan. Not a fan of her acting really, although I think she is a really great actress. I am becoming a fan of her, and finding out she likes to take a little nip or two during the day and perhaps suggestible to a nooner is kind of endearing also.

In an interview with Elle magazine, Reese said, "I think it's great to drink in the middle of the day, but I have to be sensible because I normally have to pick the kids up from school.
But I'm fun. I can be really funny."

I bet she is a fun little drunk. She probably saves that moodiness that always put me off for the days when she can't drink. The problem for me when I drink in the afternoon is that I end up taking a nap and then sleeping until about 10pm and then you are not tired after your long nap, and so you are forced to get drunk again so you can go back to sleep. But sometimes on that second time around you don't get sleepy drunk, you get drunk dialing drunk and I have a lot of interesting phone numbers to dial and if you think I can be snarky here, well just get me drunk and on the phone with someone.

Another fun thing Reese mentioned is that when people come over to her house and touch her Academy Award, they have to make an acceptance speech. If she just lets me in the door, I would make an acceptance speech.

One last thing and you know I think it is hot. Notice the tip in her hand for the valet guy. That is a $20, and exactly what an A lister should be tipping. $2 or $3 for the rest of us, up to $20. I don't care how rich you are, $20 should be the top tip for valet.

Darjeeling Limited Premiere

the people in the background have that horrified look on their face because Adrien Brody just started doing his Robot dance.
That picture of Gandhi in the background is really ruining some pleasant flashbacks and fantasies I used to have about Kelly Lynch. I thought she quit acting after they made her pretend to be in love with Jim Belushi in that damn Curly Sue movie.

James Van Der Beek and his wife Heather McComb. I was going to say something snarky about the boots, but they both look so stoned, I think we should be lucky they managed to find clothes to wear at all.
Wow, make Jason Schwartzman take a shower and spent $99 on a new suit and he can look pretty decent.
On the other hand. A $99 suit isn't going to be enough for Jonah Hill.
All I want for Christmas is to get Angelica Huston drunk and hear everything she has to say about everyone, especially Jack Nicholson.
All Wes Anderson wants for Christmas is a yellow suit to match this one so he can be the new spokesperson for Sprite.

Shiva Rose. Nothing to say really. Just when Shiva shows up, I love to type her name. She has the best name ever. Isn't she getting divorced? I couldn't go out with her because I would just keep repeating her name over and over with a Rainman head nod and she would flee. Quickly flee.
Phoebe Price. The fluffer girl of Hollywood Premieres.
Before I even clicked his lames ass picture, I said to myself, I bet that jackass Peter Bogdanovich is wearing a damn bandanna.
I know I am probably alone in this, but I just can't get into Natalie Portman. I know, I know, there is no way I am going to get in Natalie Portman, I just cannot get into liking her or her movies and don't really see what the big deal is.

Would You Pay $1M To See Demi Moore Naked?


I know I wouldn't and most of you who would want to see her naked are going to want to see the Demi Moore from ten years ago, and not the Demi now. This is something a French taxi driver is learning very quickly. Seems Ashton Kutcher left his cell phone behind in a Paris taxi, and on that phone were 35 photos of Mrs. Kutcher nude, and almost nude in a variety of poses. The taxi driver has been trying to sell the photos for $1M. The most he has been offered so far is $32 and a gift certficate for a free Big Mac.

What cracks me up about this is why Ashton would want them on his cell phone. Is he walking around movie sets saying, "hey everyone, check out what Demi was doing last night. Yep, that's vegetable oil. We find it works better than peanut oil."

There were also several photos of Ashton in various states of undress but they were all taken by Ashton himself in a bathroom mirror. In the poses he is flexing and trying to show off some kind of muscles, while in others he simulates his orgasms with a variety of expressions which clearly indicate why he has not been nominated for an Oscar.

I Got You Babe



So Lindsay Lohan is done and gone with rehab, but she may be bringing a little piece of rehab home with her. It seems as if Ms. Lohan has found a new love in rehab. No, I am not talking about the stupid idiot married to the billionaire who decided to give up the money, the wife, and the two kids just to have four minutes of sex in a bathroom with some freckled girl 20 years his junior.

This is not even the guy who has smuggled her in vodka, or the one she apparently bought beer with, or even the one she slept with at the beginning of rehab.

No, this guy is special. His name is Chesare and he is the 19 year old son of Sonny Bono. Chesare was admitted so he can try and rid himself of his addiction to pain killers. I guess he was so infatuated with Lindsay that he forgot that she had been passed around more than a joint at Snoop's house.

Chesare who likes to go by Chez has been telling everyone who will listen that he and Lindsay have something special and they plan on moving in together when his time in rehab is up.

I hate to tell you this Chez. But you should just enjoy the fact you had some rehab sex, and let it go because Lindsay isn't going to move in with you.

Ted C Blind Item

This one’s about everything you’ve come to expect in Hollywood: bad outfits, dubious hairdos and even worse manners.

Tanya Tush-Tease and Bubba Hubba are such the H-town spoiled stars. Sure, they like their swag out the wazoo (who doesn’t, besides moi?), but we can’t exactly crucify the very beautifully bottomed couple for that Debra Messing-esque behavior alone now, can we? Well, we could, but it’s better than that. Read on:

T3 and B.H. and their fancy-bummed set o’ pals, like a lotta petunia-obsessed jokers out here, live to send extravagant flower arrangements (mostly to each other). This fierce flora set is sorta the same as those deranged women—and men, too—who think just because a guy’s majorly endowed he’s gonna be big-time fun in bed. So wrong!

Nevertheless, TTT and B-boy keep sending bigger and bigger arrangements, courtesy the loyal florist who has been tirelessly servicing the often ridiculously outfitted couple for years. But what’s interesting—and pretty mother-effin’ sick, if you ask this sicko mother-effer—is that the more millions this Tinseltown couple makes, the less often they pay their damn fleur bill.

In fact, it’s gotten so bad lately the polite flower arranger had to ask for payment, only to be told, “Well, couldn’t we pay you less money for recommendations?”

Stupidly, the woebegone wisteria arranger agreed.

Guess who’s getting paid even less often than before? Uh-huh, Tanya and Bubba’s poor put-upon florist, who’s now so ingrained with this couple’s decadent set she’s loathe to bolt for fear of losing the rest of her posh clientele.

What’s the matter here, you two (often) bad-acting, money-grubbing dilettantes? Is stealing from other people’s livelihoods as exciting to you as swinging with those same-sex partners you two hotties are so burnin’ for? Don’t think for a second we don’t know to whom a ton o’ those phallus-shaped buds are being delivered.

And it ain't Tom Hanks & Rita Wilson, Rebecca Romijn & Jerry O'Connell, Nicole Kidman & Keith Urban

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Today's Blind Items

So other than a Fatal Attraction type situation, what is the worst thing that can happen to a guy when he's having an affair? I am probably not the right guy to ask since I couldn't get sex inside 6 marriages so you know that no one is giving it to me outside of marriage.

How about if you are a very big star. Very recognizable. A list. In fact A+ list actor. Huge films, huge star, and very married. How about if you are having an affair. Maybe you go over to her place or you meet somewhere, and people never see you together so it's good. So what happens when she gets a little antsy and wants to go to dinner with our huge comic actor. He says fine, but not in LA. So maybe they take a little drive out towards Santa Barbara. Things are good. They eat, she's happy, and they come back. Maybe on the way back they get into an accident. A bad accident. Our actor and date aren't hurt, but the other driver is very badly shaken up and when he recognizes the actor, here comes the pain. With the pain comes the ambulance and the policeman who starts taking names and witness names and who was in each vehicle. Now what if our actor had told the Mrs. that he was going to play some poker with some friends over in Silverlake, not all the way out here in Santa Barbara. The accident is easy to explain. The location, the ticket our actor received and the police report with passenger name. Big trouble. So far the actor has kept it secret but it has only been four days. Four very long days. Let's see how much longer this will stay a secret.

Random Photos Part One

I didn't think it was possible for Jessica Simpson to wear anything shorter than what she did yesterday...I guess I was wrong.

Dita Von Teese is starting to cross that fine line between vampire and burlesque dancer...


So this is Gweneth Paltrow exiting a restaurant after filming the first episode of her new reality show about eating her way through Spain...I wonder if she brings her own bucket or throws up anywhere.

Paul Bettany visits his wife Jennifer Connelly on the set of her new movie-I guess the rumors of them breaking up aren't true.


Courtney Love or Olsen twin?? You decide.



Courteney Cox on the set of DIRT...You can tell she's not like other celebrity bosses...she actually lets her assistant eat.


Brad Pitt - Stepford Husband



1. "When is your mom coming back?"
2. "Mommy lets you have coffee, right??"



Sofia Coppola and Ashley Olsen compare their worst moments in acting...it took all night.

Eva Mendes Not Pregnant, Just Fat




I know that I suggested that Eva Mendes was pregnant. Hell, look at her. She has all the classic signs. Baby bump, coming out of a prenatal yoga class, and she wasn't doing her Starbucks strut. Well as it turns out, Eva is tired of all the pregnancy rumors, which is news to me because it's not like the whole world cares whether she is pregnant or not. Blogs aren't screaming OMG, Eva is pregnant with love child.



Eva wants the world to know she (a) isn't pregnant, (b) "I don't wanna have kids... I love the little suckers; they're so cute but I love sleep so much and I worry about everything. (And) I feel like the institution of marriage is a very archaic kinda thing. I don't think it fits in my world today."



I don't remember anyone asking her views on marriage, but I guess it was on her mind or something. When asked why everyone thinks she is pregnant, she said, "I'm off season right now. I'm having the pasta, I'm having the dessert."



I think what she means by off season is that she can't find work because everyone thinks she's pregnant so she's drowning her sorrows in pasta and bon bons. Pregnant, fat, it doesn't matter. Just think of her at Starbucks showing off her plumage, and that will make you smile.