Eric Wins The Lottery -- Part 4

Over the next two weeks, I checked in with the guys almost everyday. It was unusual calling them. Here I was, working everyday, and when you called them it was like talking to someone on a vacation. It's not unlike when you are dealing with actors and actresses. When they aren't working they tend to forget that other people do actually have 9 to 5 jobs. It is one of the reasons why they tend to hang out amongst other actors or people who don't have regular jobs. As a 9 to 5 worker it's tough to just be able to walk away from your job at 11am and go shopping or to the ocean for a few hours. Like to, but it just doesn't happen. Therefore, when Eric and his friend would call me at 2am and tell me to meet them somewhere, most of the time I would be asleep or tell them I had to be up at 7am to go to work.

With what I do now, 2am calls generally are because someone has got into trouble. It wasn't always that way. At one point I had a job that required me to interact much more and therefore calls at 2am were the norm rather than the exception. If you have a problem with your phone you expect the phone company to help you with your problem or issue on your time. There really isn't any difference with actors or musicians, except their time to deal with issues is not usually 9 to 5. It's one of the reasons I don't do what I was doing anymore. You had responsibilities to deal with during normal business hours, but you also had responsibilities at 3am. No social life and no sleep leads to burnout and multiple divorces.

Eric and his friend were really good about telling me what was going on and would get incredibly excited when they met anyone who they had always wanted to meet. It wasn't just big stars. They were just as hyped when they met Randy Jackson as they were when they met Jenny McCarthy. It's not as if they were hanging out with A listers or anyone even close. Their encounters were just like anyone else who hangs around LA long enough. Their whole time in LA they probably hung out with only 7 or 8 people any of us would easily recognize. They loved that, but the whole experience was about living like a rock star. Funny enough, even after two or three weeks in LA, they really weren't spending that much money. With the exception of some clothes, they really hadn't spent that much. At clubs, someone was always around who would buy them a drink or two and their food intake was primarily of the fast food variety. After their first blowout party, they rarely bought the good stuff, because no one really noticed or cared.

What blew me away was how many people they had met in such a short time. All they did day and night was meet people. I went out to dinner with them towards the end of their third week in town. Eric was with his B lister although the clock was ticking. As I said earlier, when she found out that Eric didn't have a job or money and this was just one long party, she started looking for her next victim. Eric's friend still had the Playmate although I remember she wasn't there that night. Two of Eric's friends had also flown in from New Jersey and so there were 6 of us that night at dinner. I think we ate at Matsuhisa that night, and even though they had never eaten there, it seemed as if they knew all of the wait staff, and a good number of the other diners. What many people don't realize is that Hollywood is a small town, and the circle of people who are on the same schedule as Eric and his friends with the same agenda is even smaller. It doesn't take many degrees of separation to get back to the beginning.

That night, after dinner we went to a party fairly close to Bel Air where they had been invited. I think it was a Thursday night because I remembered telling myself that I would only need to suck it up through one day of work to make it to Saturday and sleep. Like most houses in that neighborhood, they are built into the hills and have many levels, but each level is usually fairly small. Parties tend to take place on each level because if you get more than about 20 people, there just isn't room for them on one floor. The other thing that sucks is there usually is no parking anywhere close to where your destination is. You usually end up parking about a 1/4 mile away, and if you are smart, you park below your destination, because nothing sucks more than being drunk and dragging your ass up a hill 1/4 mile. Hopefully when you get to your car it hasn't been sideswiped by a driver who couldn't see anything because the streets are so damn dark and you have to park almost in the street.

That night, in addition to the straight couples making out throughout the house, I saw two guys making out. Nothing unusual at all about that except that one of the guys was and is a very A list director. Very A list and at that time in a well publicized relationship with a very strong female celebrity who I'm sure would have been shocked to see him swapping spit with the tiny Asian guy in the corner. I was actually surprised enough to see him at a party without her, because they had been glued at the hip all summer and fall. In case you are curious he is one of the black book directors I mentioned in a previous blind item.

It was actually the kind of party I enjoyed. No loud music blaring from every corner. It was just people enjoying some cocktails and having quiet conversations with 2 or 3 other guests. It was for exactly that reason that Eric and his friends hated it and wanted something more. Here is a tip for those coming to LA to party. Take separate cars. Yes, hard on the environment, but parties move, change locations, and everything else during a night, and at some point, someone will get left behind or will want to go home. There is absolutely nothing worse than having to take someone home all the way across town, and then making your way to the next party. Distances can be huge, and even if not a huge distance, traffic can be a nightmare. Even though it might only be like 5 miles between Bel Air and Sunset and Highland, it can be the longest five miles of your life. Even at 11pm at night you are basically one lane of traffic each way because the right lane is given over to valet parking. You can always take the lesser roads, but cops love to hang out on those tiny streets just waiting for you to go over 30 and to give you a sobriety test.

Final Party -

For their last party, the boys had something special in mind. For almost the entire time they had been in town, they had been inviting people to this final party, although they hadn't told many people this was their final act. If it was up to them, Eric and his friend would have invited all of LA. The party was to start Friday night and would be over sometimes around dawn on Monday. They were flying back to New Jersey on Tuesday afternoon. From my phone conversations and discussions with the guys it seems as if they already had a permanent camp of about ten or fifteen people who pretty much never left the house. Their timing could not have been any better. Musicians take a break right before Thanksgiving, television people take the week off, and so this was almost a perfect storm of partying. They spent much of their remaining money on booze and even had valet service, although they said they got it for free from some guy they had met.

I showed up about 11pm Friday night. At that point, there were only about 50-60 people at the house, but you could sense that it was going to be big. It wasn't crazy yet. It was kind of like an appetizer before dinner or warming up before a game. No one was wild, no one was naked. There was no screaming, but at the same time you could sense this wasn't going to be a Sunday brunch either.

It was one of those parties where you lose track of time and expect it to be 6 hours later when you check the time, but in fact has only been an hour or so. More people began arriving, and the buzz grew louder. At that time it didn't seem like the party was all that noisy but that was because the noise had built up gradually. It was kind of like driving through the rain. When you have your wipers on so you turn the radio a little louder. The sound of the rain makes you turn it up another notch, but it all seems normal to you until you leave your car and come back and wonder who in the hell f**ked with your stereo and turned it up to maximum while you were in the 7-11.

Unusual for LA also was the fact that people were been bringing their own liquor and beer. Because of that, it seemed there was never any shortage of anything you wanted. Except food. I remember there was absolutely no food at all. No chips and dip. Nothing. It seems cliche, but the people who were doing coke were doing it in the bathroom, and there was a very large contingent down by the pool who were enjoying a spliff or 6 or 25. I remember this huge half circle around the deep end of the pool. About twenty people, maybe 25 and there was just this back and forth, back and forth with about five or six groups of people sharing within this greater circle. At the shallow end, people were playing water volleyball. In the game room, people were playing pool and betting. It was as if there were ten or more parties all going on simultaneously, and were just all enjoying themselves. There were just so many people that there was literally something for everyone.

When I left around 4am, there were no signs of anyone slowing down or anyone leaving. I came back on Saturday around 3pm and expected to find five or six people asleep or with glorious hangovers. Instead, there were even more people than the night before. From what Eric told me, there was a mass exodus around 630 or so when it began to get light, with only about 30 people remaining. Then, around noon, everyone came back, having slept, changed clothes and someone had even brought food. I didn't stay that long Saturday and actually didn't see the guys again until Tuesday morning when I brought the real estate guy by to do a walkthrough.

Eric told me the party didn't make it until Monday at dawn, but did make it until about midnight or 1am, and then it was if someone just turned on the lights after a concert, and everyone got up and left. They guys made $300 in recycling cans and bottles. At $.05 a bottle or can means that about 6000 beverages were consumed over the three days. They had filled 100 big black trash bags, and at one point had counted about 250 people on Saturday night.

On Tuesday, it was like no one had ever been there. Surprisingly there was no damage to the house except for that stain on the red love seat. Even though the guys had wanted to live like rock stars, at least they were wise enough not to trash the house like a rock star or Britney Spears' family. Instead of renting a house on the Jersey shore for a summer, they had instead done something which most of their friends could only dream about. They had taken LA by storm and had a blast. There are no life lessons to be learned. It was just a couple of guys who found a new way to have fun, and one of them even got to fall in love. They did learn that perception is not the same as reality when it comes to the people they see on the screen. They also did get hooked on the dream. I know Eric has been trying to sell a script based loosely on his month in town. Both Eric and his friend though are working at a very large law firm and are no doubt being forced to bill 2300 hours a year to keep their jobs and get one of those lovely year end bonuses. One of those bonuses would be plenty for a part two to their adventure, but so far, they haven't returned. If they do, I'll let you know because it will be one hell of a party.

Eric Wins The Lottery Parts 2 & 3

As the Playboy party wound down, a nice size group of people had been given directions to the house, and plenty of contacts made for Eric and his friend to have a glorious month. To make this first party a memorable one, the liquor bill was close to $5000.

I'm not sure if Eric had ever done coke before, but within about 20 minutes after returning to the house, he was enjoying the affections of #1 and her unlimited supply of coke. Unlimited because she would screw the makeup artist and her extremely large black boyfriend on a fairly regular basis. Eric disappeared into a bedroom with both of the ladies and wasn't seen again until the next day.

Back in the day, you could really get your freak on at a Playboy party, but now it was almost as PC as Chuck E Cheese. OK, maybe that is going to far, but because of a fear of lawsuits, drugs have to be hidden, and there really isn't any sex going on. Lots of teasing and flirting. All that had been building up and so for the thirty or so people that made it to the after party, this was their chance to get crazy.

It was a typical party. Lots of people trying to break into the business mixed with established people who were basically using the new people. It's a cycle that has gone on for generations. There wasn't really anyone I recognized there except for this goofy guy who was nailing some girl from The O.C. They weren't being discreet about it either. Yes, they were in a corner of the living room on a red love seat. They seemed to enjoy people watching. I'm just grateful that the cushions were able to be turned over, and no one ever will want to throw a UV light on that couch. It wasn't like they were naked or anything, but let's just say that the parts which needed to be uncovered were uncovered.

The only other person I clearly knew was a guy who was in a boy band. All night long he had a mantra for anyone who would listen. "That f**king bitch." Literally it was the only three words I heard come out of his mouth the whole night. The more pot he smoked, the less violent the words became, but it was clear that despite the comfort some 18 (hopefully) year old girl was trying to give him, his mind was clearly elsewhere. From what I gathered when speaking with people who knew him, it seems as if his ex ( B list actress--brand new hit show) who had taken up with someone new a few months earlier, was running around town telling anyone that would listen that our boy bander (not Lance Bass) could never get it up, and that even when he did, it was nothing to write home about.

Closing in on 4am, my last contribution to the party came in the form of some bouncers and managers from some of the better clubs in town. Always a good thing to ply them with booze, drugs and women and to introduce them to their one visible host. There wouldn't be any waiting in lines for these boys during the month.


The First Week

Although I checked in on the boys during the first week, I couldn't spend every minute with them but they seemed to be doing well. After enjoying #1 for the first few days, she had gone back to her boyfriend to try and makeup, but had introduced Eric to another B list film actress who never saw a party she didn't like, and even looking like a cheap whore with a raspy voice, was certainly a fantasy to a guy from Jersey who had always just seen her on film. She became Eric's companion for that first few weeks, and until she finally realized he didn't have any money, I think she actually liked him. Eric was whipped. It's a good thing he didn't really have any money or he would have been writing checks to her every day.

Each day was spent at the pool and it seemed like the people who came for the after party never really went away. People would just drift in and out. Nights were spent at clubs, and because of the generosity of the first night and some generous tipping, our boys found themselves in the VIP rooms every night.

I want to say that it was Thursday night when I next saw the boys. It was I believe in Mood, but hey, it was two years ago. I do know that Eric was not with his new companion, but his friend had the Playmate everywhere he went. So, VIP room, and lo and behold there is a celebutante. Eric is enamored. I'm just nauseous. This celebutante is someone who can be charming or a bitch, and that night Eric got to see both. At the club, she was flirty and funny and touchy feely. She mingled and laughed and seemed to spend more and more time with Eric as she made her decision for the night. Let's go to a strip club she said. A group of about six people said sure. So the six plus the celebutante made seven and it was off to a strip club. There were four guys including myself and three women. At the strip club, it was straight to a private room. The celebutante was in charge and clearly had been here before and knew exactly what she wanted. She had about ten strippers line up in front of her. No one else was allowed a pick until she had made her own.

Our celebutante was wearing a tiny skirt and I'm assuming no panties although, honestly, I wasn't going to look, and probably would have died from the smell. Anyway, the words out of her mouth were, "I want my pu**y licked. Who's going to do it?" I debated about relaying this next part because it is so cruel, but it is what happened, so needs to be said. A black girl stepped forward, and our celebutante said, "hell no, no (N word) is ever going to couch me. I just want blondes. Everyone just dropped their jaws when she said it, but the dancers must have heard it before from her. It seems that sometimes she would let a black girl and sometimes she wouldn't. This night it was a no. One blonde agreed to do it and for the next 30 minutes or so, our celebutante kept up a running conversation with everyone else who was in the room while the dancer was down on her knees servicing the celebutante.

When I say running conversation, it was primarily with herself. No one had fun after her outburst, and all the fun was just sucked right out of the room. Eric saw the true nature of the celebutante and no matter how much she tried to turn on the charm, he wasn't having any of it. I know that I left after about 30 minutes, and Eric told me later that Eric, his friend and new girlfriend all left together shortly after me. The celebutante had apparently done enough charming to get the others to remain with her a little longer, and had set her sights on the lone remaining guy who was trying to fight the fight between big and little head.

Technical Difficulties

There are some technical difficulties in transferring the Word document containing Eric Wins The Lottery to Blogger. Therefore, so you can enjoy your shopping or getting your drunk on and not have to bother about coming back every five minutes to check if it is up, parts 2&3 will be posted tomorrow at around 1230p PST.

Busted

Picture me at my desk at work. Wednesday afternoon. Shirt untucked, tie undone. Remnants of lunch can be seen on my collar and tie. Windows open because lunch didn't really agree with me if you know what I mean. In comes one of my assistants who drops off a a nice sized Tiffany box with a card attached. My real name on the outside. No one ever sends me anything but nasty letters so this makes a nice change.

I took a photo of the writing in the card, and was just going to post it, then realized someone might recognize the handwriting, and so will just reproduce it word for word here.

Dear Ent, (real name on outside of card, Ent on the inside)

Yesterday I got an e-mail telling me about a really funny Sesame Street article I should read. I clicked the link and found your site. After reading the Sesame St. article, I decided to take a look around since I had never been. At one point, I came across the most amazing story about the time I got stuck in traffic and how you came to my rescue. I'm happy to know that you find me so enticing and presume that our shared secret will stay just that.

Love,

__________(her first name)

P.S. You drank way more than me. Enjoy the gift.

Inside the box was a flask with both sets of our initials.

This was definitely a first, and this is why I tend to stay away from talking about myself except as to events that happened further in the past. The good thing about the letter was the shock to my heart was such that I think some arteries became unblocked.

Random Photos Part One

The day after Thanksgiving, and of course Amanda Peet is going to be on top. Well she and her daughter anyway in this new ad from GAP.
GAP also let Angie Harmon and Jason Sehorn do an ad which kind of ruined my Amanda Peet moment.
Avril Lavigne gets into the holiday spirit.
In this game of anything slutty you do, I can do sluttier, the next step will be displaying inserted sex toys. Short of just going without anything on, I don't know what the next step would be. Britney Spears has clearly won this round of sluttiness and is looking for a knockout.
I think someone requested some Christian Bale the other day.
I know everyone has seen the front of this photo, and I am going to try and just remember the front, because Reese Witherspoon looks much better coming than going.
The naked wedding. Yes, that is the actual father of the bride. He must be so proud. Actually, he is probably pretty happy because the wedding was free as part of a radio stunt. He's also probably shocked his daughter got married and didn't end up doing porn. So, really it is kind of a win/win for everyone, except for the people who had to stand next to the groom.
It's always awkward when the pap catch you in the middle of a swallow. Katherine Heigl is probably just happy that it was only water. Arrowhead water too, so she knows how to save her pennies.
Heath Ledger gets an early start on next year's Halloween with his daughter.
I'm sticking with the whole Gwen Stefani pregnant thing.

Sarah Ferguson Happy To Be A George Clooney Booty Call

Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York has admitted to having a crush on George Clooney during an interview on Radio 2, but claimed she stood no chance of attracting the actor because of her looks.

She said: "Clooney is so good looking. He's lovely!

"But the thing is that these men all go for wonderful, young, blonde women, don't they?"

Now obviously she didn't come right out and say that George should call her when he is horny, but face it, I'm guessing she wouldn't hang up on him. Hell, I wouldn't hang up on him. Now I'm not saying he wouldn't have to take her to dinner once. No matter what she says, I don't think she's going to let him just come over in the middle of the night and do her. Actually, when is the last time she went out with anyone? Maybe she would let him come over without buying her food first.

I know there would be no relationship because she really seems like a big pain in the ass, and very high maintenance. That is definitely not what our narcissistic, commitment phobe actor is looking for. He likes women who think of him as a father figure and are willing to let him come in and out of their lives when he is ready to use them. Not really The Duchess at all.

Amy Adams Is Full Of Crap

Let me clear from the beginning. I love and adore Amy Adams and will always love Amy Adams unless she does something stupid like have sex with Patrick Dempsey or something along those lines. However, with all of that being said, she is utterly full of crap when she says that she is relieved she didn't win the Academy Award for her performance in Junebug. She says, "I wasn't prepared for the kind of attention that would have brought. And I'm terrified of public speaking. "(During the ceremony) ...I turned to my boyfriend (artist and actor Darren Le Gallo) and said, 'What if I win?' I think I'm the only person in Oscar history that looks relieved at the announcement of somebody else's name."

This might be some great rationalizing, and make a good sound bite for her Enchanted promotional tour, but it also complete crap. Everyone wants to win. Even if you don't think you have a chance in hell of winning, you want to win. I didn't hear Amy running around last year telling everyone, "I hope I don't win. I can't handle the pressure if I win." Did any of you hear her say that? No, because it didn't happen. How do you think Rachel Weisz feels? The winner of the award probably is saying, "I don't give a f**k. No matter what happens in the rest of my career, I won an Academy Award. No one can take that away from you. Just ask Marisa Tomei."

Nicole Scherzinger Loves Dressing Like A Stripper

Nicole Scherzinger says she was shocked when she first saw her stage outfits for a Pussycat Dolls show because they looked so cheap and revealing. The singer says she almost didn't even go on because she felt uncomfortable showing so much skin, and having guys stare at her like a piece of meat. A source says that no one cared what they sounded like, they just wanted to see some T&A.

Scherzinger blames her strict childhood for her prudish attitude towards the band's sexy costumes but insists she managed to put her initial fears behind her. She says, "I come from a very religious, strict upbringing in Hawaii. My grandfather is a preacher. The first time I saw one of the stage outfits I had to wear for the Pussycat Dolls I screamed. But now, I really love doing this, and couldn't imagine being dressed any other way."

So basically I guess she has seen the light and loves being gawked at, or maybe she just likes the fact she gets paid a great deal of money now to look like a stripper. She needs to have some kinf of gimmick, because to me she is not attractive at all. She always looks orange and wrinkled to me.

"Lost" Shutting Down Next Week

By next week at this time, Lost will be halfway through their filming schedule for this season. Unfortunately, they will also be out of scripts. Next week, when filming is concluded on episode 8, everyone will be sent home, and production shut down. A party scheduled for next week in Hawaii to celebrate the Season 3 DVD launch of the show has been canceled. Even when the writers do come back to work, there will be a significant delay between script delivery and the resumption of production. The logistics of production on this show are such that unless the writers come back very quickly, we might just see a half season now, and then the rest next fall. If the writers stay out until after New Year, the plan would be to film one, or perhaps two episodes for a cliffhanger during May sweeps, and then just have a full season next fall.

Laura Vandervoort -- Hello Magazine

A Reveal

Somewhere in the blind items is a story about Michael Buble chaeting on girlfriend Emily Blunt. I actually thinks it involves more than just cheating, but haven't had a chance to go through and find it. The Globe has an exclusive interview with Tiffany Bromley who Buble has been having sex with for about ten years. Since Bromely is 28, no one wants to actually say he has been boffing her for eleven years. Call it approximately ten years and it makes it all good.

Anyway, even though he is living with Emily Blunt, Buble still finds the time to have sex with Bromley in the bed he shares with Blunt.

Bromley told The Globe: "Michael is a cheater and a rat. We've made mad, passionate love a couple of times since he and Emily have been together. The last time was August 17 in the apartment they share in Vancouver."

She also revealed that the Canadian singer had once asked her to take part in a threesome, saying: "I told him, 'No way!' He said, 'Don't knock it till you've tried it. You don't know what you're missing.'"

Now raise your hands if you believe that Ms. Bromley hasn't had a 3some. This is a woman who is knowingly having sex in the bed Buble shares with his girlfriend. If she hasn't, then is Buble having 3somes with Emily or without her.

Jennifer Aniston Gets Ego Boost

With all of her friends fading away on a wave of neediness and insecurity, Jennifer Aniston went to the one place where she was sure to find people who would kiss her ass and tell her how wonderful she is. Her high school reunion. Jennifer went to her 20th year reunion this week. Everyone who attended says Jennifer was delightful and would just sit there and let the other person go on and on about how wonderful Jennifer is in everything she does. When the person ran out of nice things to say, or wasn't as flattering as could be, Jen would make her excuses and find the next person.

the Rudolf Steiner School in Manhattan is where Jennifer attended school from the ages of 11-18, so you know these people probably know her well. Hell, maybe she found an old boyfriend, and got laid. Then she can drag him out in public for a few days, so the world knows who he is, dump him to make him feel miserable, and then just move on.

Do you think maybe if she just got a chance to kick Brad Pitt in the balls, she would get over all this? Do you know what a pain in the ass you must be if David Arquette doesn't want to hang out with you? Look at his family, and what he puts up with, and he doesn't want to hang out with Jennifer anymore. Speaks volumes baby. (Said in a Vince Vaughn voice)

Daily Mirror Blind Item

Which comic lets his dogs foul the pavement at London's South Bank?

He refuses to pick the mess up as it's "beneath" him...

Eric Wins The Lottery

All of this happened two years ago this month. That being said, in order to deduce who is whom, you will need to consider what their status was two years ago this month. In some cases, if I can't remember if they had just broken up with someone or had just come out of rehab, I will use their present description and indicate as such. Originally this was going to be two parts, but instead, because of its length, it is going to be four parts. Thursday-Sunday this week.

Around Labor Day of 2005, I go a call from a law school classmate who was living in New York. He had a favor to ask. It turns out his much younger brother had won some money in the lottery. Not multi-millions or anything, but about $50,000 or so after taxes. His brother, who was 25 at the time decided he just wanted to blow it all on one glorious month in Los Angeles. The friend called me to see if I could help find his brother a place to live, and also to make sure that he got into the right clubs, and just introduce him around.

My friend made it sound fairly tame, and so I agreed. When I first spoke to Eric, he put it more plainly. "I want to live like a rock star, or at least like the guys in Entourage." Eric had just finished law school, taken the bar, and now just wanted the blowout of a lifetime before he started his new job in January. He was planning on bringing one friend, but maybe others would fly out during his visit. Eric didn't want to hold anything back. He wanted to find a house to rent and just live the life of a star for one month.

Eric planned on coming out the last week of October, and planned on staying until just before Thanksgiving. The first order of business was to find him a place to stay, and the second was to get he and his friend into the Playboy Mansion Halloween Party. After talking to another friend who is a real estate agent, I managed to find a house right next to Yamashiro, which had the most incredible view. It was a house that is used for filming, has a pool, was furnished and was a bargain at $15,000 for the month. I think Eric almost backed out when he had to wire that $15K. The house should have gone for probably $25K, but this was a guy who was used to paying $600 a month for an apartment he shared with three other guys. I actually didn't think he was serious until he put that money down. Then, I knew I had to make sure he at least got his $15K worth.

To that end, I found he and his friend two former Playmates who thought it was a cool idea to help someone live like a rock star, although I think to this day they are convinced it was for a reality pilot that never got picked up. They kept looking for cameras and asking if they had to sign a release or something.

When the boys arrived in town, we went over to Beverly Hills Rent A Car which I highly recommend. Instead of just getting one car for the month, they planned on changing cars every week to make it seem like they had an unlimited source of funds for new cars.

The look on their face when they saw their house was priceless. It is kind of like when kids go into a hotel room, and realize their parents aren't going to say crap if they start jumping up and down on the beds and acting like crazy people. They had seen the photos of the house on the internet, but now, they had the car, and the house, and you could just feel their excitement. It was contagious. Not like herpes contagious, because that kind of sticks with you forever. This was one of those new love, or new car smell kind of contagious excitement feelings. Just smiles, not doctor visits and lengthy explanations to the 400 people you slept with.

The pair had bought some clothes back in New York and looked like extras from The Sopranos. I really wasn't worried about their clothes because they would soon realize that Nutley, New Jersey isn't Beverly Hills. They had agreed to meet their dates at the party. I talked myself into going, rationalizing that I could make sure they mingled and got noticed. The fact that divorce #6 had just become final a few months earlier and I needed a wife #7 had nothing to do with it.

I think they thought they were just going to drive right up to the front doors of the Mansion. I don't think they realized a shuttle was going to be involved. But what a shuttle it was. On the shuttle was this B list film actress (#1) who had just got engaged for what seemed like the 20th time, or maybe she had just broke up and found some other guy. Even the tabs couldn't keep up with how much this actress changed true loves and bed partners. When she finally did settle down she stuck with it though for better or much worse. Well, our actress who was wearing practically nothing and was instantly recognizable to the pair decided to sit right down on Eric's lap and introduce herself properly. One thing you have to realize about actresses and flirting. Even a B list actress can make you feel like you are the only person on the earth for that time you are speaking to them. It comes from the fact they are always selling themselves and having to be "on." It also comes in handy since most producers in this town are men. If you have never experienced this sensation, you would swear that she was totally in love with you. Eric was hooked, and she knew it. He hadn't developed that immunity or sixth sense yet. It is tough to describe in words. Once you have seen it a few times and see how quickly they can turn the switch on and off, you get used to it and realize it is all for show, and there is rarely a tell.

When the shuttle stopped, the show and tell turned off like a light switch, and Eric got his first lesson in Actress 101. This one had determined from his reactions, that he was new or had won the tickets on a radio show and was not someone worthy of more time. Don't worry though, #1 will return later.

At the party itself, your senses are overwhelmed by costumes, nudity, and guys with big grins from ear to ear. It is even more overwhelming when this is your first night in town, and one of you has basically been given a partially clothed lap dance by someone you had only previously seen in films.

Eric and his friend had decided their cover was