World AIDS Day 2007

My Friend

Here is the post I wrote last year on World AIDS Day.

This year, I thought I would share something that has changed who I am as a person, and why I care just so much about bringing attention to AIDS, and to someday finding a cure.

In 1990 or 1991 I had this wonderful female co-worker who would made each day better than the last. She was gorgeous, loved to smile, and had such an incredible presence that everyone wanted to be close to her. One of her traits that I enjoyed the most was her habit of grabbing someone who was having a bad day, and taking them outside to see a rainbow or sunset, or some other incredible act of nature. Over time I met her husband, and he had that same spirit of life. He was the musical director of a group that criss-crossed the US playing to crowds of 10 or 10,000. They were just happy playing music. You would have loved this couple. Everyone did.

I became close to the couple and would often eat at their home or go to events with them. I honestly don't remember the circumstances when they told me they were HIV+, I just vividly remember a later encounter with the wife who told me how she had received the news she was HIV+. She had gone to get tested, and when she came back to the office to get the results she knew something was up. There were two people waiting for her in a room to deliver the news. She didn't remember anything they said after she heard the word positive. She didn't remember driving back home. She just remembers sitting in her garage, wondering if she should just end it all right then and save herself the shame (yes, there was still a great deal of shame and embarrassment then) and the pain, and just take her life, and get it over with. She sat there for what seemed like hours before some voice told her to get out of the car, and go inside the house. That everything would be all right. She never again thought of taking her own life.

Within about six months of her notification, she met her husband. He was already HIV+. He never told me, and I never asked how he contracted the disease. By the time I met the couple, the husband already had full blown AIDS. At that time AIDS was all about AZT and T-Cell counts. The husband had so many medications that did so many things to his body. His life was controlled by those medications, but you would never know it by being with him. He was so full of life and cheer. Even though he was living with AIDS, he knew there were countless other people who had worse lives, and his goal was to make those people and their lives a little better and a little more hopeful.

From his wife I would hear the stories of the night sweats so severe that sheets would often be changed two or three times a night. Uncontrollable shaking or the cough which would never go away. When the husband lost the sight in one of his eyes from AIDS, he laughed it off and said that was his bad eye anyway, and now he didn't need glasses.

I remember the first time I saw him in the hospital. He had some really bad infection and everyone thought he was going to die. He just said it wasn't his time yet, and spent most of his efforts on cheering the people who came to visit him in the hospital.

It was during this period that I became really ill. I was working 18 hours a day, 7 days a week, and my body finally quit. Who was there to take me to the hospital? Yep, he was. He was also the guy who snuck me in real food to eat, visited me everyday of the week I was in the hospital, and quizzed the doctors about every medication they were giving me and if they were really necessary. With all the medication he took daily, he was an expert.

I think it was about three months after this, that he was forced to quit traveling with the group because it was just becoming too difficult. He tried to make up for it by recording what I think he knew would be his last album. In between more frequent hospital visits he would find whatever time he could to record. He wasn't a singer, just a musician. A great musician who could make you feel every emotion through his work. When you listen to that last album, you can feel every range of emotion a human is capable of feeling. He takes you on that final journey of joy, and pain, and hope right along with him.

Within a week of the completion of the album, my friend passed away. His wife was much more fortunate. She is still alive today. For her, the drug cocktails came along soon enough to save her. After her husband died though, she didn't know there was a breakthrough in AIDS drugs on the horizon. She decided that if she was going to die, she was going to die on her own terms much as her husband had. She quit her job, sold everything she had, and decided to travel the world. She wanted to live life and she has. It has probably been close to five years or so since I have heard from her. I know she is alive though from mutual friends. When she finally realized she was going to be able to live with HIV, she decided that she needed to go back to also living a regular life. So, she lives a regular life, goes to work and to the mall. She goes out with friends, and does anything a normal person would do, with one caveat. The last time I spoke with her, she said that nothing could be truly normal because of that visit to the doctor's office so long ago. That feeling of a guaranteed death sentence never quite leaves you, and can never allow you to be completely normal again.

I have one tattoo on my body, and it is a tribute to this couple, their bravery, and their love for others, despite this guaranteed death sentence. I loved them then, and I love them now.

Notable People Who Are HIV+ Or Have Died Of AIDS--Courtesy Of Wiki

Name	Life	Comments	Reference
Amanda Blake	(1929–1989)	American actress best remembered for her role as Kitty Russell in the television series Gunsmoke.	[4]
Jim J. Bullock	(born 1955)	American actor who starred in the sitcom Too Close for Comfort.	[5]
Merritt Butrick	(1959-1989)	American actor best remembered for playing Captain Kirk's son in the films Star Trek II and III.	[6]
Ian Charleson	(1949–1990)	British actor whose best-known role was the part of athlete Eric Liddell in the film Chariots of Fire.	[7]
Brad Davis	(1949–1991)	American actor, played the part of Billy Hayes, in the film Midnight Express.	[8]
Robert Drivas	(1938–1986)	American film, television and stage actor.	[9]
Denholm Elliott	(1922–1992)	British actor; won three BAFTA awards as best supporting actor for Trading Places, A Private Function and Defence of the Realm, as well as an Academy Award nomination for A Room with a View.	[4]
Leonard Frey	(1938–1988)	American Broadway and film actor, earned an Academy Award nomination as Best Supporting Actor in the film version of Fiddler on the Roof.	[4]
Tom Fuccello	(1936–1993)	American actor, known for his role as Dave Culver in the television series Dallas.	[10]
Kevin Peter Hall	(1955–1991)	Tall American actor, played in Predator and Harry and the Hendersons.	[11] [12]
Rock Hudson	(1925–1985)	American actor, first major American celebrity to publicly disclose HIV status.	[13]
Michael Jeter	(1952–2003)	American film and theatre, won a Tony Award in 1990 for the musical Grand Hotel.	[4]
Irving Allen Lee	(1948–1992)	American soap opera and musical actor.	[14]
John Megna	(1952–1995)	American former child actor, To Kill a Mockingbird.	[15]
Cookie Mueller	(1949–1989)	American actor and writer who featured in many of filmmaker John Waters' early films.	[7]
Timothy Patrick Murphy	(1959–1988)	American actor, played the role of Mickey Trotter in the television series Dallas	[4]
David Oliver	(1962–1991)	American actor, played in Another World and A Year in the Life	[16]
Ilka Tanya Payan	(1943–1996)	Dominican born American actress, attorney and activist. She was one of the first Latino celebrities to publicly disclose her status.	[17]
Anthony Perkins	(1932–1992)	American actor best known for his role as Norman Bates in the Alfred Hitchcock film Psycho.	[4]
Keith Prentice	(1940–1992)	American theatre and soap opera actor.	[18]
Kurt Raab	(1941–1988)	German actor known for his work with cult film director Rainer Werner Fassbinder.	[19]
Dack Rambo	(1941–1994)	American actor who played Jack Ewing in the television series Dallas.	[4]
Gene Anthony Ray	(1962–2003)	American actor and dancer; best known for his portrayal of the street smart dancer Leroy in the 1980 motion picture Fame and the television spin-off.	[20]
Robert Reed	(1932–1992)	American actor; played the role of Mike Brady on The Brady Bunch.	[4]
Tony Richardson	(1928–1991)	British actor; received two Academy Awards (Best Director and Best Picture) for Tom Jones (1963).	[4]
Larry Riley	(1952–1992)	American actor; played the role of Frank Williams in the soap opera Knots Landing	[7]
Howard Rollins	(1950–1996)	American actor, nominated for the 1981 Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor for his performance in the film Ragtime	[21]
Tommy Sexton	(1955–1993)	Canadian actor and comedian.	[22]
Ray Sharkey	(1952–1993)	American actor; won a Golden Globe Award for Best Actor - Motion Picture Musical or Comedy for his performance in The Idolmaker.	[4]
Paul Shenar	(1936–1989)	American film and theatre actor; played in the film Scarface.	[4]
Stephen Stucker	(1947–1986)	American actor and comedian; best known for the Airplane! films.	[4]
Tom Villard	(1953–1994)	American actor.	[4]

Adult film industry

Name	Life	Comments	Reference
Mark Anthony	(born 1967)	British adult film actor.	[23]
Brooke Ashley	(born 1973)	South Korean born American adult film actor.	[24]
Bianca Biaggi	(19??-)	Brazilian adult film actress.	[25]
Jessica Dee	(born 1978)	American adult film actor; see Darren James entry.	[26]
Tricia Devereaux	(born 1975)	American adult film actor.	[27]
Karen Dior	(1967–2004)	American transvestite adult film actor.	[28]
Casey Donovan	(1943–1987)	adult film actor.	[29]
John Holmes	(1944–1988)	American adult film actor; one of the most famous male porn stars of all time.	[24]
Darren James	(born 1964)	American adult film actor; transmitted to Lara Roxx, Miss Arroyo and Jessica Dee, causing an international pornography-industry AIDS scare.	[29]
John King	(1963–1995)	American adult film actor.	[29]
Miss Arroyo	(born 1977)	American adult film actor; see Darren James entry.	[30]
Wade Nichols	(1946–1985)	American adult film actor and soap opera actor; committed suicide after receiving HIV diagnosis.	[31]
Scott O'Hara	(1961–1998)	American adult film actor, poet and editor/publisher.	[29]
Al Parker	(1952–1992)	American adult film actor, director and producer.	[32]
Johnny Rahm	(1965–2004)	American adult film actor.	[33]
Lara Roxx	(198?—)	Canadian adult film actor; see Darren James entry.	[29]
Aiden Shaw	(born 1966)	British adult film actor.	[34]
John Stagliano	(born 1951)	American adult film actor; best known for his Buttman series of films, which is credited with sparking the gonzo adult film genre.	[35]
Joey Stefano	(1968–1994)	American adult film actor; was a model in Madonna's book Sex.	[36]
Marc Wallice	(born 1959)	American adult film actor.	[24]

AIDS activists

Name	Life	Comments	Reference
Zackie Achmat	(born 1962)	South African AIDS activist; founder and chairman of the Treatment Action Campaign.	[37]
Rebekka Armstrong	(born 1967)	American former Playboy Playmate and HIV/AIDS educator.	[38]
Michael Callen	(1955–1993)	American AIDS activist, author and singer songwriter. In 1983 he testified before the President's Commission on AIDS and before both houses of Congress.	[39]
Bobbi Campbell	(1952–1984)	American AIDS activist and one of the first people to publicly acknowledge his HIV infection.	[40]
Paddy Chew	(1960–1999)	Singaporean AIDS activist. He was the first person in Singapore to publicise his HIV-positive status.	[41]
Dolzura Cortez	(19??–19??)	Filipina AIDS activist. She was the first person in the Philippines to publicise her HIV-positive status.	[42]
Joey DiPaolo	(born 1979)	American AIDS activist who won a court case to remain at his school. He co-founded the Joey DiPaolo AIDS Foundation.	[43]
Gugu Dlamini	(1962–1998)	South African AIDS activist stoned to death by her neighbors after revealing she was HIV positive.	[44]
Stephen Gendin	(1966–2000)	American AIDS activist involved in ACT UP and other groups; columnist for POZ Magazine.	[45]
Alison Gertz	(1966–1992)	American AIDS activist. She was voted Woman of the Year by Esquire magazine.	[46]
Elizabeth Glaser	(1947–1994)	American AIDS activist for pediatric causes, and wife of actor Paul Michael Glaser. She co-founded the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation.	[47]
Bob Hattoy	(1950–2007)	American activist on issues related to gay rights, AIDS and the environment.	[48]
Nkosi Johnson	(1989–2001)	South African child, who made a powerful impact on public perceptions of the pandemic and its effects before his death at the age of twelve.	[49]
Christine Maggiore	(19??—)	American AIDS dissident. The LA County Coroner claims that her 3-year-old daughter died of complications of AIDS. Pathologist and toxicologist Dr. Mohammed Al-Bayati concluded that she died of an adverse reaction to amoxicillin. Maggiore had not taken medication that some people believe will reduce the risk transmission of HIV to her daughter, as she does not believe that HIV causes AIDS.	[50]
Eliana Martinez	(1981–1989)	American girl whose mother appealed a court ruling that the girl would only be allowed to be in school if she would be in a glass cage during classes.	[51]
Simon Nkoli	(1957–1998)	South African anti-apartheid, gay rights and AIDS activist.	[52]
Agnes Nyamayarwo	(19?—)	Ugandan nurse, became an AIDS activist when the disease devastated her family.	[53]
Ricky Ray Robert Ray Randy Ray	(1977–1992) (1978–2000) (born 1979)	American brothers who were the subject of a federal court battle against the De Soto County School Board to allow them to attend public school despite their diagnoses.	[54]
Jorge Saavedra Lopez	(19??—)	Mexican AIDS activist and director of CENSIDA, Mexico's top AIDS agency, since 2003.	[55]
Beatrice Were	(born c. 1966)	Ugandan AIDS activist and co-founder of the non-governmental organization NACWOLA.	[56]
Ryan White	(1971–1990)	American teenager and AIDS activist. The Ryan White Care Act, a federal legislation that addresses the unmet health needs of persons living with HIV/AIDS in the United States, was named after him.	[57]

Business

Name	Life	Comments	Reference
Stephen D. Hassenfeld	(1942–1989)	American businessman best known for being the chairman and chief executive officer of Hasbro from 1980 until 1989.	[58]
Steve Rubell	(1943–1989)	American owner of legendary New York City disco Studio 54.	[4]

Criminal transmission of HIV

See also: Criminal transmission of HIV

Name	Life	Comments	Reference
Johnson Aziga	(born 1956)	Ugandan-born Canadian resident of Hamilton, Ontario, Canada, notable as the first person to be charged with first-degree murder in Canada for transmitting HIV, after the deaths of two women he had infected.	[59]
Henry Cuerrier	(19??—)	Canadian man convicted of aggravated assault for knowingly exposing two women to HIV.	[60]
Stanislas Kanengele-Yondjo	(born c.1960)	Congolese man jailed in Australia for having unprotected sex with two European tourists.	[61]
Carl Leone	(born c.1976)	Canadian businessman found guilty of 15 counts of aggravated sexual assault for not informing his partners of his HIV status.	[62]
Andre Chad Parenzee	(born c. 1971)	South African-born man convicted in Australia on three counts of endangering human life through having unprotected sex without informing his partners of his HIV status.	[63]
Trevis Smith	(born 1976)	American player of Canadian football with the Saskatchewan Roughriders, jailed for aggravated sexual assault.	[64]
Anthony Whitfield	(born c. 1971)	American sentenced to 178 years in prison for 12 counts of first-degree assault, after exposing women to HIV.	[65]

Film, television and radio

Name	Life	Comments	Reference
Peter Adair	(1943–1996)	American documentary filmmaker.	[66]
Néstor Almendros	(1930–1992)	Spanish born cinematographer, director and human rights activist; won the Academy Award for Best Cinematography for the film Days of Heaven.	[67]
Emile Ardolino	(1943–1993)	American film director and producer; directed the films Dirty Dancing and Sister Act.	[68]
Howard Ashman	(1950–1991)	American playwright and lyricist; along with music composer Alan Menken he received two Grammy Awards, two Golden Globes and two Oscars for best song for the films The Little Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast.	[69]
Rob Astbury	(born 1948)	Former Australian television sports presenter.	[70]
Dave Brindle	(19??—)	Canadian television journalist; anchor for CBC Newsworld.	[71]
David Brudnoy	(1940–2004)	American talk radio host in Boston from 1976 to 2004.	[72]
Kenny Everett	(1944–1995)	British disc jockey and television entertainer; starred and wrote in his own music and comedy television series The Kenny Everett Television Show.	[73]
Vincent Hanley	(19??–1987)	Irish RTÉ radio DJ and television presenter	[74]
Colin Higgins	(1941–1988)	American screenwriter, director, and producer; wrote the screenplay for the 1971 film Harold and Maude.	[7]
Richard Hunt	(1951–1992)	American Muppet puppeteer; played the character of Scooter on The Muppet Show.	[75]
Derek Jarman	(1942–1994)	British film director, stage designer, artist, and writer.	[76]
Peter Jepson-Young	(1957–1992)	Canadian medical doctor who promoted AIDS and HIV awareness and education in the early 1990s through his regular segment on CBC Television news broadcasts.	[77]
Melvin Lindsey	(1955–1992)	American radio and television personality in the Washington, D.C. area; pioneered the radio format Quiet storm.	[78]
Roy London	(1943–1993)	American acting coach, actor and director.	[79]
Lance Loud	(1951–2001)	American columnist; best known for his role in An American Family, widely considered television's first reality show.	[80]
Michael McDowell	(1950–1999)	American novelist and screenwriter.	[81]
Andy Milligan	(1929–1991)	American playwright, screenwriter and film director.	[82]
Marlon Riggs	(1957–1994)	American author and documentary filmmaker.	[83]
Max Robinson	(1939–1988)	American journalist; was the first African American network news anchor for ABC