Friday, January 18, 2008

Happy Birthday Connor


Dear Connor Cruise,

I just wanted to say Happy Birthday. I wrote a letter to your stepmom on her birthday and figured I could do the same for you. You got to see your dad last night huh? Well sorry he had to ruin your birthday like that by taking you out to dinner. Kind of sucks that on your birthday he makes you dress up in a suit and tie just to go get something to eat. It is your birthday after all. I guess he didn't want to take you to the Lakers/Suns game or something fun like that. Instead he took you to a cold, formal dinner and probably lectured you on how he personally made it possible for the food you were eating to magically appear on your plate.

I know he likes sports. I saw him at a Washington Redskins playoff game. They lost. I blame your dad. Every time he shows up they lose. I'm sure he has lots of ideas how they could possibly win, but honestly after he starts that crazy ass laugh of his, I stop listening and just run and make sure all my doors are locked and that everything in the house is unplugged.

People make a big deal out of the fact that you and your sister (she is still alive right?) live with your aunt. If I had the choice between any aunt on the face of the earth and your dad, I would pick the aunt. I don't care if it was Aunt Esther from Sanford and Son or the crazy one from Bewitched, at least they would be better than your dad. Am I right? Right.

Don't worry about your dad not spending anytime with you over the past year. I think it is because he has to pretend that he has a biological child and being the perfect family man. After awhile when Suri starts to realize just how crazy her dad is, she will be forced to go live with her aunt also. By that time your stepmom's contract will be up and she will have earned a nice chunk of change to boot. Once she is out of the picture, then maybe your dad will allow you to see your mom. I heard you only get to talk to her through e-mail and webcam. I use webcams also, but I think you are too young to use them for what I use them for. Ask your dad if he ever uses them.

Anyway, if your aunt lets you use the internet, and you read this, feel free to e-mail me back and tell me what your dad bought you for your birthday. I would love to know.

EL

P.S. Tell your sister I will send her a letter on her birthday too.

15 comments:

Kat said...

Poor kid. That whole situation is messed up. It's like he and his sister are a couple puppies that seemed like a good idea at the time, but became way too inconvenient when the novelty wore off. I like Nicole far better than the android, but why on earth is she allowing her children to live on another continent without her?

jax said...

i dont understadn why people adopt children only to fob them off on a relative?

as for the birthday gift- im sure he got a dvd collection of his dads movies also and a new Scientology video that we all know the ending to. how sad.

Tom you SUCK!
(and not just the dicks you drool over)

Sylvia said...

LOL@EL

brendalove@gmail.com said...

How come when Ellen DeGeneres decided to get rid of her dog, she has to notify the adoption shelter, but when Tom Cruise gets tired of his kids, he's allowed to just send them where?

Also, I think there is a BI answer in here somewhere but I can't find the damn thing....

Tracee said...

Please they ARE pets. When the kids were younger they paraded them everywhere. Now? They've been replaced by a cuter and younger puppy.

Wait til Suri's 10...then we'll have no idea if she's alive too.

RagDoll said...

"...Ask your dad if he ever uses them..."

Oooooh...nifty, Ent!!!!!! A scurrilous little gem hidden in within the velvet folds of a little Tom-Snarkery...sweet.

OK, guys...who does Tommy webcam with? What do they do? Who's got the vids, when are they coming out, or is the playmate in question gonna "suicide" soon?

Kara said...

As horrible as it sounds, I bet if Bella was really pretty, we'd see more of her shoe shopping with KatE.

Doesn't the whole Cruise fam (including Tom's Mom & Sis) live in a huge Beverly Hills mansion together? Just in different wings or something. I think I read that somewhere.

RagDoll said...

BrendaLove:

Yup, I hear a RE: the Blind. Is it a new item or a reveal (webcam reference??) going to check out past blinds regarding tomfoolery with webcams....

PS I dunno why I'm RagDoll now, I was "Helena" for a long time, even pre-Timmy

Alice.W said...

Very good point Brenda...How come when Ellen DeGeneres decided to get rid of her dog, she has to notify the adoption shelter, but when Tom Cruise gets tired of his kids, he's allowed to just send them where?...

I really feel those children too.

I'd love to know what TC has on Nicole, it must be heavy stuff to be able to stop her seeing the kids.

captivagrl said...

the letter is funny but, i think i'll leave the kids out of it.(and hope they're cared for by someone who loves them)

brendalove@gmail.com said...

The BI I am thinking of is a Hollywood couple that had a child or children and they didn't know how to care for them and were neglecting them....something like that? I still can't find it.

jax said...

the alsit couple that adopted "just to adopt" and got blackballed..EL has said they don't getmuch work becasue of it..doesn't fit.
Tom and Nicole both had thriving careers until he went mental on Oprah.

lschnei713 said...

My understanding is that the Aunt ,Marion, and her children live in the house with Tom, Katie,Bella Connor Suri and his Mommy. I also believe they were over visiting Nic not too long ago, though I could be wrong about that.

bionic bunny! said...

according to the morton book, tom, his sister, mom, connor and bella live in one wing of the the house, katie in another (forgot where suri lives). bella and connor are being home-schooled in the scio-way, and were sent away for the summer to scio camp.

he also speculates that the kids MAY have been adopted from sea org moms (sea org women who get pregnant are encouraged to have abortions, because they have signed "million year contracts" in order to belong to the "elite" sea org), which is how they were able to adopt so quickly.
yeah, i finished the book this morning.

Liz said...

I agree with captivagirl, just leave snarky kid stuff out of it. If you want to write an open letter to TC that is one thing, but to do it to the kids? What are you Perez? I am waiting for the doodles to come along next.

If they all live in the same house I don't see the big deal of "living with the aunt". It is just a twist on words.

And no, I am not a TC or Kidman fan.