Thursday, January 31, 2008

Katie Finally Issues A Denial


Two weeks after the National Enquirer brought forth a totally unreliable witness to corroborate the long held rumor that the father of Suri Cruise is Chris Klein, her reps have denied the story as "false." Wow. It took them two weeks to come up with that? I guess you can tell they must generally must be spokespeople for Tom Cruise and for the Scientology folks. For the past two weeks they have been a bit busy repairing the earthquake like damage their number two has caused to Scientology throughout the world. Tom has been trying to hold onto power while Leah Remini and Nancy Cartwright nip at his heels, and John Travolta cackles to himself while adjusting his wig, and waiting for Tom to fall.

So, when Katie duck walks in to the room and says, "The Enquirer thinks Suri is Chris' baby. What are we going to do?" she was probably ignored. Ignore and ignored, until finally some guy made a call to MSNBC and said the story is false.

Meanwhile no one from the folks over at Scientology has denied the whole L. Ron story yet. They have evaded it, and gone around it, and lumped it in with other accusations made in the book, but no one has said that Suri is definitively not L. Ron's baby. The thing is that Tom and the Scientology folks better have Suri completely within their fold at all times for the rest of her life. Because, if she does decide they are nutjobs, all she has to do to make millions and millions of dollars is to agree to a DNA test on live television. All three networks. It would be like a Presidential address. Wouldn't you watch it? I know it would make for some damn good television. I wonder how long they could tease it. An hour long show or could they drag it into a three hour biography with a little countdown clock in the corner.

25 comments:

mngddess said...

I still think this kid is Chris Klein's.

And I would LOVE for katie to break away and write a tell-all book. She's make enough money to support her and Suri for the rest of her LIFE.

wtf said...

I still think the kid is Josh Harnett's.

GammaGirl said...

I have to agree with mngoddess on this. That Chris Klein rumor making the rounds is compelling.
I hope she comes to her senses and gets out before any more of her "personality" gets drained my GMD.

How about that donation to Scientology by Nancy Cartwright?

Twisted Sister said...

Cyn, she'd probably be killed if she even indicated she was going to write a tell all book. Those scientologists are whack.

captivagrl said...

geraldo rivera would bust his ass to host that one! it would be a three part, drag out mess!(with the largest ratings ever)what cable channel? oxygen?

Perez Hilton said...

I think you're on to something, Ent. This could be bigger than the Paris Hilton/Lindsay Lohan danceoff's of lore (and oh how I miss the excitement of it all; those two were such fun before they went into rehab. Oops, wasn't supposed to tell you that Paris has been to rehab.). We could hold the offshore gambling franchise for this reveal, and make a fortune. This would be like Geraldo Rivera, whom I love because he's a fellow Cuban, opening Al Capone's cave.

Perez Hilton said...

BTW, I have it on good authority that Suri's father was a best boy on Katie's next to last film, whatever that was.

Trix said...

Actually, "Perex Hilton" I've heard similiar whispers. I bet the rumors of her baby daddy being a super star are a relief to her, in light of the truth: that it was just some camera man or something...

Liz said...

My My! A genuine Perez Hilton troll! How did we mere CDAN'ers get so lucky?

Sylvia said...

What is a best boy??

crichmond1000 said...

Wait...Bart Simpson is a Scientologist?

mngddess said...

Twis, Scientologists, are some crazy-ass mother fu#@ers, that's for sure. However, with enough media attention she could probably pull it off.....

Man, if I was her parent, I would have cornered Tom and told that Wackentologist that if he or anyone who supported him laid a finger on my daughter, there wouldn't be a place for him to hide on this planet.

Then again, I guess he could just get in his spaceship and fly back to where ever he came from....

mngddess said...

WTF:

Too bad we can't do a CDAN "Baby Daddy" pool. You know like the one you have in work around Superbowl time? Winner take all!

SeekHer said...

"what is a best boy?"

Whoever will knock you up when your crazy ass crazy midget Scientology husband can't get it up without a male surrogate in the room.

Gossip Monger said...

Speaking of Parisite- that little but well publicized make out session with her House of Wax costar and her recent trips to the lesbian bars- would that have just about everything to do with trying to get her name out there again due to her movie being out- how lame.

Aren't we done seeing her, reading about her and letting her make money off of us yet?

I will do my part- I pledge not to mention her again in any of my comments.

Twisted Sister said...

Sylvia, best boy indicates the level of a person, not really what he or she does. Like 'key' is the top level, so when you see 'key makeup artist', they're the top level makeup artist. Best boy indicates they're on level two, but it doesn't tell you what they do. The title could be something like Best Boy Electrician or Best Boy Grip.

Jennifer said...

Katie's husband's whackjob youtube vids are NOTHING compared to what happens in the Scientology world. Ent, if this is bad form leaving another URL, plse remove, but if you don't all want to grab katie and her little cutie and run for the hills nothing will: http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?t=1935

God help her

Twisted Sister said...

Or what seekher said...lol.

Cyn, if you were her mother you never would have let her near that psycho to begin with!

Les Suckno The Great said...

I think that as a reward for my good behavior, we should all just ignore Parasite Hilton. Don't report on her, don't type her name, don't even think of her. If we ignore her, she will go away. And if elected President, I will revoke her passport and deport her to the Republic of Palau.

michele said...

jennifer, visited the url you posted. umm, wish i didn't. CRAZY shit.

janele said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
michele said...

here's another link
http://theunfunnytruth.ytmnd.com/

Twisted Sister said...

Holy crap, Michele, that's truly frightening. These people will burn in hell. I honestly don't know how they get away with this bullshit.

Thanks for posting the link.

brendalove@gmail.com said...

LOL - the way you know for sure that the above poster is NOT "the" Perez Hilton....he actually used a semi-colon in his post. Does Perez even know what punctuation is?

selenakyle said...

ISN'T SCIENTOLOGY NOTHING MORE THAN A PYRAMID SCHEME? DIDN'T LRH SAY HE WANTED TO START HIS OWN RELIGION TO MAKE MONEY BECAUSE A PENNY A WORD AS A SCI-FI WRITER DIDN'T CUT IT? AND DIDN'T HE SAY ONCE THE "RELIGION" WAS STARTED THAT HE DID NOT WANT HIPPIES TO JOIN BECAUSE THEY WERE TOO POOR?