THE OTHER BOLEYN GIRL
Release Date: 2/29/08
The Story: Sisters Anne (NatPo) and Mary (ScarJo) Boleyn seduce King Henry VIII (ErBan), and plot to give him his male heir.When it ended, I turned to darling boyfriend and said that even the costumes were bad. He said, “I’d probably had enjoyed it more if I weren’t so tired.” I disagreed, even my 60 oz of Cherry Coke barely kept me in it. Apparently I wasn’t alone, there was one sole clapper in the audience – and it was half-hearted. I live in Minnesota, land of the clap; where we clap at even mediocre things on stage, and we clap at the movies.
I haven’t written a scathing review in awhile, because it’s mean. There’s usually something to like. Hmm… I think Eric Bana looks hot with a beard and a full head of hair. There. I said something nice.Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson had decent British accents. Ok, there are two things.
The colors were lush and gorgeous, kudos to the cinematographer. All hail the cinematographer for keeping this movie alive. That and they showed Scarlett looking very plain-jane more than half the time, and it made me think about how pretty plain can be. Ok. That’s all I liked about it.
I have problems with movies where people are conniving with no redeeming qualities: meet Anne Boleyn. (I like movies where people are conniving, and are intelligent and/or charming: go see Dirty Rotten Scoundrels). I have problems with characters who in a serious drama are so completely stupid and idealistic that they are saps: meet Mary Boleyn. I hate watching women tear each other down. I guess that comes to the heart of my problems with the story of this. I didn’t like the characters, and I hate backstabbing. I didn’t want either of them to succeed, and kinda hoped Anne would lose her head a little sooner.
So the costumes: This is the one thing you can always look forward to in a period piece, look at the lush costumes. The things that weren’t stolen directly from paintings (again, thank you cinematographer for lighting them exactly right), were full of really bad and modern patterns which looked out of place and were distracting. Even Elizabeth: The Golden Age had good costumes (and that was a crummy movie, too).
I guess I feel bad about Eric Bana. He’s a good looking dude, a good actor, and by all accounts a nice person. He just hasn’t had a hit movie in awhile, and this will probably flop, too. He’s only in this movie maybe 30 of the 120 minutes. And has less than 5 lines per scene, and not in the pensive Clive Owen way.
What it’s worth: I’m gonna go with 50 cents. It’s pretty to watch, but other than catching it between flipping channels I could have gone without seeing it. It’s a romance novel about women being cruel to each other. I didn’t read the book, so I don’t know how much was from it. My guess is, I probably wouldn’t have liked the book either.