Friday, March 14, 2008

Fake Tans And Leggings Are The Secret To Success


So I just read like the millionth article about Lindsay Lohan not having any money and at this point I have no doubts she is running out of money, simply because there is no income coming into the bank. What none of the articles ever say is how much is left. Obviously you are "running" out of money if you are spending more than you take in.

There are two actual quotes in the recent article though which explains a great deal about Ms. Lohan. The first is that she spent $70,000 in the past six months on fake tans. $70,000 is more than most people in the world make in a year and she spent it on something that makes her look like a circus clown. The only difference is that people generally pay to get into the circus.

Since no one wants to actually give her a job acting, how does Lindsay plan on making money? Leggings. Yep. She wants to conquer the world leggings market. "It will be a while before it comes out, but I'm going to do it. Some of them will have prints and some will have patterns. I just love leggings."

I want to see Lindsay film an infomercial selling her leggings. "Ladies, are you tired of wearing pants? Do you want to show the world how big your ass truly is? Then my leggings are for you."

"If you order now, I will throw in a bottle of specially formulated self tanner."

19 comments:

jax said...

somewhere out there George Hamilton just called his agent.

mandythegreat said...

How do you spend 70K on sunless tanner? Mystic Tan is only like $75-$100 a session. That's like 900 sprays.
That's enough for one spray session every day for 2 1/2 years. My tiny little brain simply cannot grasp.

jax said...

have you seen Dina???

Marnie said...

An interesting new twist for the Lohan(tm) brand.

Marnie said...

Also: I assume these are crotchless.

p m said...

I'll pick these up @ nordstrom's rack with one of rihanna's umbrellas.

captivagrl said...

marnie - how about a bright red crotch zipper?

captivagrl said...

lindsay - if you use my idea, i want my cut of the profits.

DNfromMN said...

jax/mandy: I think both your comments fill the hole here. Lindsay's obviously paying for her family to spray tan as well (since none of them have any money coming in outside of her).

Twisted Sister said...

Cheetos girl looks worse every time we see her.

Hey, is this the answer to a blind?

Gayla said...

Oh, Lindsay. How cute of you, assuming that leggings will still be in style by the time your line comes out.

shiny_special_one said...

LMAO @ jax and marnie!

Infomercials are totally Lilo's future. She's the next QVC Queen. (Is QVC still around? If not, she'll bring it back!)

Miss X said...

LOL, p m!

This is a fashion trend I'll be skipping. Not that I didn't participate in it 15-20 years ago. I was younger and, clearly, dumber then. ;)

Miss X said...

LOL, p m!

This is a fashion trend I'll be skipping. Not that I didn't participate in it 15-20 years ago. I was younger and, clearly, dumber then. ;)

bionic bunny! said...

gawd, jax, you're killing me today!

Amber said...

Well good luck with that girl.

I've noticed that in North America leggings are seen as a trend, but in Paris it's a staple. There's no end in sight!

acetomato777 said...

That photo of Leighten M is pretty fabulous.

I suspect Lohan only needs one credible role to restore her career. Seriously - the cat has nine lives. Somehow she is in the Hollywood collective conscious as the party girl who really can act if she would just get it together. That may or may not be true - but she has that chip left.

loveshoes said...

i think i might smell "pop fiction" at work here...but i could be wrong

Kat said...

Lindsay needs to lose the fake tan. I can't imagine paying $70K let alone $70 to get something applied to me that makes me look like a roast chicken. (ie. greasy and brown.) It also ages you faster, which is especially not a good thing when you have ingested as many varied substances as Ms. Lohan.

She looks infinitely better without it.