Thursday, April 17, 2008

Evan Rachel Wood Is An Ass


Evan Rachel Wood is just not having a good week is she? First, with the exception of Marilyn Manson disciples, the entire world goes off on her for her Dita von Teese tribute. Now, she is after whatever remaining fans she might have. Turns out Evan doesn't appreciate any fan who mixes up her name.

"People always call out, 'Hi Rachel.' I hate it. I'm not Rachel. That's my middle name. They're all dyslexic. Can't they see Evan comes before Rachel?"

Wow. Maybe they could call out things like, "hey, you. Yeah you. The chick who has sex with a guy old enough to be your dad."

Or, maybe the fans could try, "Doe s he call out your name in bed or Dita's?" "Does he like it that you have a boy's name?"

I know why you have the Rachel in your name. It is so casting agents will know you are a woman. Plus, if you put Evan and Wood together it sounds like Ed Wood which would suck, because he's dead. It could also be confused with Evinrude which is a boat motor. The thing is though, your name is confusing, and I hate typing it. I'm sure others are just excited to meet you until they realize it isn't Rachel Bilson they are meeting.

One thing you need to realize as you reach drinking age is that without your fans, you will be nothing. See, the entertainment business works by fans either buying tickets to see you in a film, or caring enough about you to watch you on television when they have hundreds of other things from which to choose.

The parents of all your fans are already scared of your boyfriend, and if you go around pissing off the rest of your fans by calling them dyslexic, there won't be anyone left who even gives a good damn about you anymore.

17 comments:

Trix said...

Bleh. Triple names are so freakin' pretentious. She's JAW to me. Just Another Whore.

Cougarific said...

I really admire her work but it sounds like she is getting a little too high and mighty. I am sure she lost a LOT of fans by being with Manson and turning into Dita 2.0. I feel like she needs to do some growing up and find her OWN identity, not Dita's.

GammaGirl said...

I need to preface tis by saying that I think Evan Rachel Wood is one of the best young actresses today, but WTF is she thinking?!!
I'm worried, she's is far too talented to get mixed up in shenanigans like this. I hope this is just a phase.
Oh, and the body makeup has got to go!

unicorn jones said...

she kind of bums me out, b/c I really liked her when she was the antihollywood chick, but not the projected-by-publicist "antihollywood chick!" and now she'll always be second-best to dita.


I guess I'll only have jena malone, now.


-uj

kris_r said...

trix, too funny!!! love JAW...

adrian said...

How come SHE'S Evan & HE'S Marilyn?
They need a name-switch.

Lisa said...

Um, Evan hon, "Drained of Every Ounce of Blood" is not a good look for you. What's it feel like to have your boyfriend want you to TRY and FAIL to look like his ex?

Condolences,

jax said...

funny..i don't give a damn about her now.

Sylvia said...

She should have kept the image she had before she met Marilyn. But than again she still is a homewrecker.

nothingsacred said...

the tattoo that she used to cover up her MEANINGFUL one is hideous.
and she was great as the lolita in MM's video. not the sex scenes, but the other parts.

ew. manson sex. IS HE EVEN RELEVANT ANYMORE?
We have the blond blue eyes shocking us, Marilyn, you're not shocking or confusing us anymore.
go back to being the long haired headbanging Brian Warner. Obscurity is better than a can of bloated baked beans sitting in the cabinet.

Dave said...

Triple names are reserved for mass/serial killers

Marnie said...

God I hope this is just drugs and will eventually end.

Ellebee said...

hmm....wait like 20 years girlie, it will be "you kinda look like that girl who used to be ------(or was in -----)"

yeah

janice said...

lol to "JAW"

MonkeyHelperL said...

First, I'm dyslexic and am offended. Second, she seems like she'd be absolutely insufferable to be around for more than a matter of minutes. Third, who the hell would actually choose to have sexual intercourse with Brian freakin' Warner? Three strikes. You're out. Now, go be the poor man's Dita elsewhere you twit.

Judi said...

^ AGREE, Monkey!! And let's call her Rita.

someone said...

Where is this dita von tesse tribute?