Friday, April 25, 2008

Ted C Blind Item

Isn’t shopping for real estate in Hell-Ay just so fun? It really is the new Sunday to-do in the City of Fallen Mortgages. Now that houses for sale are more abundant in T-town than overpriced Fred Segal tees, everybody’s looking to make a killing, celebs and noncelebs alike. ‘Course, Fanny Fecal-Farmer is so successful already with her reality boob-tube career, she’s gone ahead and bought herself another swank Hollywood compound before unloading her present one. But uh-oh! Fanny first purchased back when the market was considerably more flush, and she was just beginning her rise to the top of the cheeky heap. She overpaid considerably.

Now she’s stuck with a million-dollar-plus job that’s probably going to take at least half that price tag to fix up. See, FFF’s a busy, horny girl. When she’s not off parading as a new, terribly authoritative star of her show, she’s back home making love to her girlfriend and letting her hillside house essentially rot to pot—not to mention allowing her adorable pooches to prance, poop and prowl all over the property, wreaking canine havoc. And since Ms. Fecal-Farmer so adores her g-friend (and the sweaty, time-consuming, mucho-athletic things they do in bed), she simply has no time to clean the damn place up. Another prob being Ms. F.F. abhors reprimanding her doggies for crapping and urinating everywhere just as much as she does training them not to. Therefore, Fanny had the most brills idea!

Since the rather attractive gal knew fixing up her pad would take more care and money than she preferred to provide, she authorized her Realtors to splash “Secluded Celebrity Retreat!” all over the advertising campaign, effectively luring additional looky-loos. And just when potential buyers are about to flee, due to the urine and dog excrement collections everywhere, Fanny just happens to come home, unexpectedly, and—voilĂ !—the “celebrity” is revealed, thereby assuring some sort of purchasing incentive.

Hasn’t worked, so far. House ain’t movin’, and it’s stinkier than ever.

(Though, must admit, fooled lookers have enjoyed the sex-toy display in the bedroom, very impressive, Fan-hon!)

27 comments:

jax said...

tila tequila?
tyra?

Rachael said...

and it ain't Rachel Ray, Heidi Montag, Kim Kardashian

Katy said...

I so got a Lauren Conrad feeling about this.

Rachael said...

Jackie Warner?

Kristen S. said...

I don't think LC is a big animal person. I'm-a google Tyra, although I have no idea if she has pets.

madameks said...

Kimora Lee Simmons, anyone?

IndigoBlue said...

I'm down with that chick from that Workout show on A & E. She's bossy, athletic, a lesbian and I can see her not picking up after her dogs. Jackie Warner.

canadachick said...

Serial househopper Denise Richards has put her newest Hidden Hills home on the market for $3.9 million. Richards listed a home last year for $4.3 million also in Hidden Hills and then moved into this one. She then moved into another one in the same area which cost around $4.6 million.

I'm just saying........

melcon80 said...

I second Kimora Lee Simmons

Ice Angel said...

Kimora and Tyra make LOTS more money than $1 million dollars.

I'm going with the Denise Richards guess.

Ice Angel said...

OK wait...I take back the Denise Richards guess. I really don't think she's a lesbian and I don't think her show is meant to make her look "authoritative."

I don't know who the workout woman is, but that sounds like the best guess so far, because of the reference to the athletics involved in her bedroom activities.

canadachick said...

ok i'm changing my mind - hoping on the Jackie Warner band wagon..she has 2 dogs, and a house in the hollywood hills....and she's gay ......so yah i'm in even though i really haven't a clue who she is - but i googled her !!

KS said...

definately jackie warner.

parisss said...

It's Jackie Warner from Work Out.

Ed said...

Jackie Warner

CeCe said...

I'm going with Jackie Warner, but I think her fan base is kinda limited due to the show only running on Bravo TV, so randomly appearing at her home when prospective buyers are there, unless they are gay, they really wouldn't know who she is unless she tells them she is some sort of star. I have no other guesses though.

captivagrl said...

yes, sounds like Jackie. what a pig.

JohnyStarr said...

Uhhh - hello Kim "Fanny" Kardashian

Burgundy said...

It's Jackie Warner, with her GF being Jillian Michaels from The Biggest Loser.

p m said...

i totally thought of jackie warner... but would she be enough of a celeb to help sell a house? don't think so, maybe thats why it hasn't sold.

Judi said...

Exactly, PM. WTF is Jackie Warner? And wtf watches Work Out? And why would anyone write a blind about her? My first thought was Ebola.

dancersmom said...

Sorry to admit, I'm addicted to Workout. HOT, HOT, HOT personal trainers, male and female. Lots of drams, lots of skin, what's not to like. Due to the success of the show, Jackie Warner has income from her health club and spa, speaking engagements, clothing line, health food products, etc. She has a big following in the gay community as she supports many gay causes. She is also popular with straight women, she says every straight woman in Hollywood is one cocktail away from being bi!

Sylvia said...

I thought it might be Britney since I read that her chihuahua or whatever dog she had would poop around the house and she wouldn't pick it up.

dancersmom said...

Jackie is one of those crazies that makes her girlfriends and ex-girlfriends kiss her dogs. She takes them to work with her.

Lynn said...

When I read this my first thought was that Tila Tequila chick or "New York" from VH1.

Lisa said...

I love love LOVE Workout and Jackie... but it does sound like it could be her....

Joy said...

I think we established on a past Ted C blind that Fanny is Paris Hilton....