Friday, June 13, 2008

Ted C. Blind Item

“He’s in the bathroom doing coke, and he will not come out!” screamed exhausted old colleagues of Fart-Coif Cretin, who used to be a mucho famous member of a celebrated Hell-Ay comedy house. And just to torture his former fellow actors, Fart-Coif recently decided to revisit the theater where he hasn't exactly been encouraged to perform onstage. Didn’t stop him from pulling a real Morgan Mayhem in the men’s room, now, did it!

Similar to our darling Morg, who’s known for not only doing the blow but the ladies, too, when she visits the loo, Fart-Coif leans toward same-sex nookie. But these days, F.C. is so damn effed up, getting it up is about the last thing he’d be interested in accomplishing. So there he is, finally deciding to come out of the john, high as a Kurt Cobain kite. Decides to sit down for the show. Doesn’t listen much. In fact, F.C. ends up disrupting the performances so imppressively he’s kicked out and, now, wholly unwelcome to revisit the comedy theater.

The fact that F.C. raided the fridge, insulted his former TV costars, smoked pot, stole drinks and insulted everyone he came in contact with while there prolly didn’t help, either.

Does Dr. Drew do comics who were never funny in the first place? Have to find out about that one.

39 comments:

Big Sur Expedition 2008! said...

Andy Dick?

westward ho said...

andy dick's a great guess. or pauly shore?

Lisa said...

Yeah I think it's Andy Dick.

And then there's another confirmation in there that Lindsay Lohan is Morgan

Canada Chick said...

what comedy club was he mucho famous iN ?

irishstayc2 said...

Doesn't Pauly Shore's mom Mitzi (i think) own a huge comedy club?? I remeber reading a while ago how everyone was dreading the day she left it to him to run...

I second(or 3rd) Pauly Shore for this one

Damn wait - was he on TV??

gossipmonger said...

why would andy dick be a blind item? & the only shows andy dick was really on, was newsradio & less than perfect.
so do we think dave foley & joe rogan or sara rue & sherri shepard & will sasso were in the club as well?

captivagrl said...

if the Dick fits............

Spicey said...

Pauly Shore had a reality show about running the comedy club that his parents owned.

Spicey said...

Oh, also he was in Encino Man, and wasn't that about a cave man? "Cretin" could refer to that.

Lisa said...

I don't know if any of you watch the current season of Real World.... but anyway, their job this season is to do improv shows at a comedy theatre in LA. I can't remember the name of it. But the first episode that they went to the theatre and found out what their job was, Andy Dick was there and introduced them to their new job and teachers. He said he that theatre was where he has started out... but I can't remember the name....

~crazy peanut~ said...

The Comedy Store or Shop is PS mom's place.

Lisa said...

Dick was in the Groundlings in the 80's, and also at the Laugh Factory I think. I wish Jon Lovitz would beat the shit out of him again.

Kate said...

Ted always gives the aliases the same number of syllables. (Slurpa Something = Paris Hilton; Morgan Mayhem is Lindsay Lohan.)

I say Robin Williams. That's who first came to mind.

And at the Laugh Factory in LA, whenever he showed up, they would turn on a red light to alert comedians he was there, because he was known for stealing their material.

jax said...

totally Andy Dick as Lisa said he's on real World Hollywood in the theatre group thats mentoring the houseguests.

Ed said...

Im onboard with Pauly Shore

The Robin Williams guess is good but I dont get the mo vibe from him at all

Nina said...

Holy shit Kate, I did not know that.

I think everyone knows about RW and coke and the obnoxious behavior.....

but insulting?

I don't see Robin Williams as one to go around insulting everyone. Disrupting yes, insulting no.

What about Andrew Dice Clay?

Canada Chick said...

IO West has an Andy Dick black Box theatre.....but i just don't see him as MUCHO famous -drunk, high, idiotic sure...but famous.....i'm thinking more like Robin Williams or someone from SNL

The ain'ts are David Spade, chris rock and Bill murray

Zeke said...

Andy DIck sounds good, but I first thought Michael Richards? The coif could refer to his crazy Kramer hair.

Rebecca said...

Andre Dice Clay is a very good guess. Especially the Coif thing, since he's always combing his hair. And I don't think he was that funny. He is trying to make a comeback.

Canada Chick said...

rob schneider ?

ali said...

Based on the "Does Dr. Drew do comics who were never funny in the first place?" comment, I'd have to say no to Robin Williams. I can't imagine there's anyone out there who's never thought Robin Williams was funny. Andy Dick and Pauly Shore, though, make more sense with that line.

brainypirate said...

Kate said...

Ted always gives the aliases the same number of syllables. (Slurpa Something = Paris Hilton; Morgan Mayhem is Lindsay Lohan.)

So does that mean Toothy Tile is NOT Jake G?

DNfromMN said...

Robin Williams is always funny, and I think he's calmed down. He was in Mpls a month ago to workshop his comedy routine, and he was a perfect gentleman to everyone from people who ran into him.

Pauly Shore was my first guess, b/c of his mom's comedy store, but he's married iirc and never did a tv show (reality show doesn't really have "costars").

Pinky said...

How about Jamie Fox? He was on "In Living Color."

KS said...

Tooth-y. People call him Jake G.
Tooth Y Tile. Jake Gyllenhaal.

Kinda a stretch but it fits.

Harriet Hellfire said...

I thought Pauly Shore too, but Andy Dick kinda fits....

jw12 said...

I was reading somewhere that Toothy Tile might be Sean William Scott.

ms_wonderland said...

gted's discounted Sean William Scott, along with every other actor in Hollywood - except Jakey G.

Get a Life said...

Jimmy Fallon

cee ehm said...

I was also thinking Jimmy Fallon. According to Wiki he studied in LA at the Groundling Theatre and did sets at the Improv.

janele said...

Eddie Murphy

L1 said...

Robin Williams definately had drug and gay issues.

I think he went to rehab recently, although they said it was for booze.

And he is mentioned several times in The Andy Warhol Diaries. Back then, he was on Mork & Mindy and Andy made a few diary entries about partying with him. One of them said something about Valerie (Robin's wife at the time) not allowing Robin to go to Fire Island for the weekend. Implying of course, that she didn't want him involved with 'that scene'.

I wish Ted would start writing in English.

Mia said...

have all 3 of the 'and it aint;s' been regular cast members of SNL? What's the clue there?

Andy Dick works with the IO West, but that's relatively new news, but the fact that Pauly Shore's family owns the Comedy Store in LA has been known forever, as he was practically raised there. (You'd think he'd be funnier) And even has a house on the street that backs up right behind it. Recently he even went on some show trying to sell that house because he wanted the cash, so I could see him miserable and stubling around the corner to a place his family owns and thinking he could get away with whatever he wants.

My vote is on him, unless this is someone from the groundlings, which would be super vague, since most/all most all the other comedic talent streams through that place.

I think the 'celebrated comedic family' clue is the big tip off.

Mia said...

**I must note- part of me secretly wishes that this was Seinfeld, lol**

Cheryl said...

My vote is for Chris Kattan. Groundlings Theater.

Caroline said...

How about Dennis Miller? He was never funny and his Wikipedia bio mentions his "frequently primped hair." He was at the Comedy Store.

Tea Lady said...

Don't suppose it could be Pee Wee Herman, could it? He broke out at the Comedy Store in LA...

p m said...

for the first time, a Ted C blind didn't piss me off at all.

am i entering his world, is he starting to make sense, or is this just great smoke?

sarah said...

I don't know what Ted could have written ot give anyone more of a hint to this being Andy Dick unless he just wrote the guy's name n the blind.

Andy Dick.

Robin Williams, besides being super talented, is dating a Connecticut artist and on a set all summer. He's not an a hole either the way Dick is.