Thursday, September 25, 2008

If I Started A Cult

You know, if I was going to start a cult I wouldn't be the leader. No, I would be kind of like the executive producer of the cult. And the first thing I would do is go and get that guy above walking with Natalie Portman. I think it is pretty obvious why she broke up with him. I mean you know that everyone else must have the same idea I have. If someone showed you a video of a cult where everyone killed themselves and then said this guy was the leader, you would believe it.

If you ever go this guy's house, please make sure to not drink the Kool-Aid. I think this relationship was kind of doomed from the start. Natalie always pretends she likes these bookish kinds of guys, who seem very intellectual and probably are, but I think the ones she really likes are the bad boys. If Snoop wasn't married, I would like to see him dating Natalie. I think Natalie smokes pot, but I think she does in that esoteric kind of way where she tries to discuss hidden meanings in the words of Voltaire. She seems kind of uptight in a lot of ways and I think dating Snoop for a few months would just kind of relax her.

As for the ex, there is a log cabin in Idaho just calling our your name buddy.

21 comments:

Harriet Hellfire said...

I'm sure she smokes weed, but only from handcarved wooden pipes, and accompanied by a glass of Merlot that she bought for the artistic label.

A Pimp Named DaveR said...

I would be happy to volunteer to investigate the issue.

not a famous adrian said...

He does remind me of the Unibomber. But I do love Natalie. I think she has a good head on her shoulders, & keeps herself as private as possible.
She grew up in the same town as me, & her parents are still here. Everytime I go to Whole Foods, I think maybe I'll catch a glimpse of her!

A Pimp Named DaveR said...

That's the Natalie issue I'm volunteering to investigate. Just to be clear....

Also, I think the ex has a future as a professional Crispin Glover imitator.

Cheryl said...

At least she has a type. Drew Barrymore has a type. Renee Zellweger's taste in men is totally random. We need to start a celebrity matchmaker service where people on gossip forums are the counsellors.

not a famous adrian said...

good idea Cheryl--
I want to start with Natalie & Mark Ronson. I think they would look really good together. Right size, age, religion, both single....Who do I contact?

Mooshki said...

My friend Steve has already put his stalk-Natalie-until-she-marries-him plan into effect.

Grace said...

ENTs scenario of Natalie's esoteric habits reminds me of that scene in Animal House with Donald Sutherland. Funny!

Kevin said...

Ent, I am suprised you a dogging so hard on the Banhardt. I thought you would be a supporter as he is helping keep the whole late 60's Laurel Canyon vibe alive in LA (without all the freebasing that is). I know you have heard about those jam sessions and all, and that you are a rock'n'roller at heart.

Marnie said...

He's got a bunch of rich high school hippie girls who want him buy them absinthe and make out in front of him giggling calling out his name.

She's got to figure out how to stop dating these delicate man-children. She could do better than these faux exotic feebs. But for a long time I've had the suspicion that she's much less cool than many people think.

West End Girl said...

Ahem, I have claimed Mark Ronson and I'm sure if I dig enough, I'm Jewish somewhere along the line.

That said, I still don't get the attraction about Portman. She seems vapid more than intelligent.

brendalove@gmail.com said...

But hey! this guy is friends with Lindsay Lohan, as he pimped out to every freaking music mag that interviewed him when his last record came out.

not a famous adrian said...

West End Girl, if you release your claim on him and my match works, I will split my match-making commision with you.

p m said...

I like both of them, and I hope it wasn't a nasty breakup, because they were kinda cute together, and I love the video (they met b/c she starred in a music video of his)

BUT... sometimes it feels like Natalie Portman is always going out of her way to show the press and paparazzi that she's OH SO different and interesting.

like;
"i'm not beautiful, i'm not hollywood, see - SEE - just look at who I'm dating! See? I'm a totally serious, thoughtful actress."

and I'm getting sick of this bs from her.

Then again, maybe I'm reading too much into this, and she really is a freethinking woman.
That would be so nice and refreshing.

Judi said...

Love Natalie but hate her taste in men. Delighted she's dumped this one. I don't think she's uptight; she just doesn't give a shit about tabloids. Good for her.

not a famous adrian said...

From what I understand, Natalie has also hidden many of her real realtionships by using someone else as a cover. She did this most of the time she dated Gael. Who knows if she was really involved with this missing link, or was quietly with someone else, & no one caught on.

bionic bunny! said...

adrian, if you're going to start a matchmaking service, could we PLEASE find someone for "mac" justin long?
such a cute boy.

bionic bunny! said...

RESUME

NAME:Ent Lawyer

2008-
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
CULT



i love it. i'm going to have to use that.

not a famous adrian said...

buns--Justin Long seems a bit too needy at this point, but I will keep my eyes open. We'll just keep him away from the Olsens. How's that for a start?

not a famous adrian said...

Madame bunny!--I thought of someone for your Justin--how about Kaley Cuoco from "The Big Bang Theory"?--she's young, cute, & perky.
Not yet jaded, it could work.
And I am taking back my Natalie Portman/Mark Ronson match--he has apparently hooked up with someone.
I am now going with Natalie/Seth Rogen. But he needs to maintain his weight. She is very petite.

slappywhyte said...

im sure he is a very intense "artiste"

btw, natalie portman without makeup and stuff is pretty much just ... meh ... plain and short