Miley Does It Again

I thought the sleepover pictures were just photos that someone took of Miley Cyrus and her girlfriend and then leaked out. Now, I'm not so sure. Maybe this is all a big plot within the family. I'm not a big Billy Ray Cyrus fan, but maybe he has a little more of the Pimpa Joe inside him than I originally thought. You know he had just one hit and now he is living his dream through his daughter. It is kind of like a dad who makes his son a star athlete to achieve the things he didn't achieve on his own. It kind of sucks to be a one hit wonder and so maybe now he is making sure Miley is never out of the public eye for long. The problem is she is immensely popular even without this crap. It's obvious she took the photo herself so someone either got into her camera or someone very close to her is releasing it. Why would they do it? I don't know, but do know if she keeps going like she's going, she is just three years away from a Playboy pictorial. This just seems like someone close to her wants to exploit or remake her from a Disney princess into a Hustler hag.

**Update** The photos below were obviously done at a different time and place. I agree you see you much worse on MySpace but they also are not trying to protect a multi-million dollar image. I can't imagine Disney wants another one of their stars involved in anything less than 100% wholesome. I don't think these are less than wholesome, I just wonder what people are trying to accomplish by releasing them, and who is releasing them. To see the topless photos, click here. To see her showing off her bra and ugly boyfriend, click here. To see her at her sexiest, click here. To see her sleepover photos, click here.

Full Frontal Friday - With Video

I don't know why I ever started this because this has definitely taken on a life of its own. This week it is all celebrities, although one is a reality star, but hey, it's free. Yes, Javier Bardem is included and there is even a video for you to watch. I stopped watching after about 20 seconds so I really can't tell you how it ends. I have a pretty good idea though.

All of this is NSFW and if you are under 18, there is better porn on the internet for you to watch than this so go find it. The website for the video is often blocked from workplaces or your local Starbucks. If you like looking at porn at your local Starbucks, you probably are going to have a much more exciting weekend than me. Just remember to be Wrapped With Love.

Click here to start your journey. If you want to share in the comments how your journey ended, I'm sure Les Suckno would love to hear about it.

Four For Friday

For some reason known only to them, this site is very popular in India. So, as part of the Four For Friday I am going to go ahead and post one of maybe two blind items I know about Indian stars.

#1 One of our India's biggest actors _____________, had an affair going on with one of India's most famous beauty queens turned actress ________________ However, after some time, the actor convinced his son to marry the actress - which he did, and the father now tags along to almost all the events with the son and mistress/daughter-in-law with the son looking like the third wheel. Our actor's wife, was an actress in her own right back in the day and acts as if she knows nothing. To make this even more interesting there are other rumors that the son has something on the side going on with another actor, who is the son of the chief minister of one of the Indian states.

Got it? Yeah, but in India it's gold baby.

#2 Here is another one from the perverted dad's file. Our father who is just a regular guy has a daughter who is a B list television actress/"singer" who plays much younger than she really is. In the back of the house is a hot tub. Our actress has been known to have her girlfriends over and whenever they use the hot tub, within five minutes dad comes out in his bathing suit and gets in with them. Somewhere along the way, he adjusts his suit so that when he stands up to get out, the girls in the tub get an up close and personal look at Mr. Winky who is standing at attention and waving hello. This is not a one time event.

#3 Mom's aren't perfect either. Do you recall our actress who drinks the bottle of vodka a day and has it delivered by the same guy everyday. Well that guy is now renting out the guest house. At least that is what she tells her friends and the father of her child(ren). In actuality he spends every night with our actress in her room. Hopefully he is getting some very big tips or is half blind because no one would want to wake up next to her in the mornings.

#4 This B+ list award winning film actress has been sleeping with her agent. It was slimy enough that he kept taking his 10% of her earnings, but now he wants to just manage her, and all for the low discount rate of 15%. In order to make as much money off of her as quickly as possible he has convinced her to sign up for roles that are totally opposite anything she has ever done before, just so she can get a bigger paycheck, and him. I wonder if she knows about the other actress he sees when our B lister is out of town.

Random Photos Part One

Usually someone would have to pay as much as $2 or $3 to have their hair look this good. Somehow Amy Winehouse has done it for less.
Are the dogs on Brandy's feet still alive? It has to hurt them.
So do you think that Heather Locklear is grateful she wasn't the one knocked up by David Spade? How would you like to be hearing about that 40 years from now? The poor kid in school is going to get it worse than Britney's kids.
Gwyneth Paltrow makes an appearance. Someone whispered near her and it blew her down on the ground.
Not having those weight problems is Eminem who obviously just can't stop with one.
Donny Osmond was at the Hannah Montana movie premiere. I guess he wanted to remember how it felt to be famous.
Grumpiest Old Men
Simon Rex was the guest on last week's FFF. Who will make an appearance this week?
This photo and its possibilities just scare me. In case you can't tell your Olsen twins apart that is Mary Kate Olsen.
Miley Cyrus in her monthly appearance on the blog. She was on Ryan Seacrest's show yesterday and I didn't ever think I would hear anything more painful. Then he had Britney on.
Lisa Rinna giving you reason #432 not to use Botox.
From the top of the photos to the bottom in one day. Even for Lindsay Lohan that is remarkable. What is even more remarkable is that someone was actually selling what she is wearing.

The Reviews Are In

Somewhere between Pieces Of April and now, Katie Holmes has gone from a promising actress who was pretty damn good to one of the worst actresses ever. I don't know if Tom Cruise makes her take acting classes at home, or if she has no confidence or if it is the meds or the prison or what, but this is really getting into Jessica Simpson territory. Here are a sample of the reviews for her in Mad Money. In full disclosure, most critics didn't really like the move but they thought Queen Latifah and Diane Keaton did a good job with what they were given. Not so Katie Holmes. Enjoy.

"And the cinematic comeback of the year award goes to…somebody other than Katie Holmes,” NY Post. The Post went on to say this about Katie's return. “the most cringe-making return since Love Boat: The Next Wave.“Holmes, with Alice Cooper hair and crazy Jim Carrey eyes, looks terrible and acts worse, unless this movie is unintentionally a lobotomy documentary,” the reviewer writes. “Whatever could have happened to her in the last couple of years to zap the talent out of her like this?”

The New York Times says Holmes is “the movie’s weakest link.”

Variety adds that throughout the film “Holmes is awkwardly upsetting the balance” between Latifah and Keaton.

Wall Street Journal-“Their heist is only the pretext for jinks that range from medium high (as played out by Queen Latifah and Diane Keaton) to painfully low (as perpetrated by Katie Holmes, who pops her eyes, scrunches her nose and shakes her booty in lieu of acting),”

And Katie Holmes comes across as an immature actress trying desperately to be taken seriously. Holmes' movie career has been spotty at best and she hasn't done anything noteworthy since 2003. Her work here indicates her best role might be to stay off the screen and play wife and mother. - Reelviews

Holmes (who looks anorexic) mugs annoyingly. - Seattle Post Intelligencer

Wrapped With Love Is Not A Condom

All I saw were the words Hilary Duff, sale, and Wrapped With Love. Of course I'm thinking to myself Hilary is starting her own condom line. I think that is pretty cool. As she shakes off that teen image and dates a pro hockey player, she is showing the world, hey condoms can be branded and I am going to sell them.

Then, I looked a little closer and saw that she is hawking her second brand of perfume. Who the hell came up withe the name Wrapped With Love for a perfume anyway? How do you even fit it on the damn bottle. Maybe sideways or something, or really small print. I am not sure why or how celebrities designing their own fashions or perfumes or dog food bowls became news. Despite what any of them say, with very few exceptions, most of the celebrities just do what the company says. This is no different from endorsing a product 10 years ago. Now though, the companies make it seem like the celebrity was involved.

With a name for a perfume as idiotic as Wrapped With Love maybe that is the part they gave Hilary to do. I just don't think of perfume when I hear that. Maybe that is the idea. Maybe guys will buy it for their ladies and think if I buy it, Hilary will jump out and wrap me with love, or at least my grateful girlfriend will wrap me in love. And when I say wrap, I think we all know what kind of wrapping I am talking about. No, not the plain brown wrapping. Although that has gone by the wayside now. If you go to the Hustler store for sex toys and videos you aren't coming out of there with a brown paper bag. Nope, they give you a huge bag with Hustler written all over it, and in the light you can see right through it and see all your fetishes.

Would You Date An Accused Sex Offender?

I saw an article in Star that says R. Kelly is dating Trenyce Cobbins. If her name sounds familiar it is because she was a finalist on American Idol a few years ago. She is 27 and R. Kelly is 40. According to Star the couple has been carrying out a secret long-distance relationship since April after meeting through a mutual friend - both jetting across the country to spend time together. A source said, "He was drawn to her immediately. He loves it when someone is both talented and beautiful and Trenyce is definitely that".

I think she is also about 12 years too old for him. Hell she is going to be 30 in a few years. If you add up the ages of his last two girlfriends they don't even add up to 30. I have no doubt they are going out, or went out. The point is she must have known that he has these 14 counts of sex with a minor against him. Do you just say, that doesn't matter and I like him anyway, or do you say the 14 charges are crap. If it had been 30 charges, ok, then I will believe, but 14, is just a bunch of lies. If you have a career you are trying to get off the ground, are you with him for that, but also do you risk being associated with him and having what is left of your 15 minutes go down with him?

I would say that as a perv I would probably be willing to go out once or twice with some of those skanky female teachers who hit on their students. I would not however ever in any circumstance go out with that law student who kidnapped her boyfriend. Now, me saying I would go out with those teachers is more of a curiosity factor. I want to see if they are normal or appear to be normal, or are just bearing down on teenage boys. I think it would be pretty disturbing to actually date one of the teachers or sleep with them, and would be a little bit sick and twisted, and not really in a good way.

If you say you would go out with R. Kelly is it because he is famous and you would never give Joe Blow a chance, or do you just say no to everyone? How do you even know if the person you are dating is a sex offender or not? Do you look them all up before you go out?

Here is Trenyce singing on American Idol

Happy Birthday Connor

Dear Connor Cruise,

I just wanted to say Happy Birthday. I wrote a letter to your stepmom on her birthday and figured I could do the same for you. You got to see your dad last night huh? Well sorry he had to ruin your birthday like that by taking you out to dinner. Kind of sucks that on your birthday he makes you dress up in a suit and tie just to go get something to eat. It is your birthday after all. I guess he didn't want to take you to the Lakers/Suns game or something fun like that. Instead he took you to a cold, formal dinner and probably lectured you on how he personally made it possible for the food you were eating to magically appear on your plate.

I know he likes sports. I saw him at a Washington Redskins playoff game. They lost. I blame your dad. Every time he shows up they lose. I'm sure he has lots of ideas how they could possibly win, but honestly after he starts that crazy ass laugh of his, I stop listening and just run and make sure all my doors are locked and that everything in the house is unplugged.

People make a big deal out of the fact that you and your sister (she is still alive right?) live with your aunt. If I had the choice between any aunt on the face of the earth and your dad, I would pick the aunt. I don't care if it was Aunt Esther from Sanford and Son or the crazy one from Bewitched, at least they would be better than your dad. Am I right? Right.

Don't worry about your dad not spending anytime with you over the past year. I think it is because he has to pretend that he has a biological child and being the perfect family man. After awhile when Suri starts to realize just how crazy her dad is, she will be forced to go live with her aunt also. By that time your stepmom's contract will be up and she will have earned a nice chunk of change to boot. Once she is out of the picture, then maybe your dad will allow you to see your mom. I heard you only get to talk to her through e-mail and webcam. I use webcams also, but I think you are too young to use them for what I use them for. Ask your dad if he ever uses them.

Anyway, if your aunt lets you use the internet, and you read this, feel free to e-mail me back and tell me what your dad bought you for your birthday. I would love to know.

EL

P.S. Tell your sister I will send her a letter on her birthday too.

Night Shift 2 - Starring Lindsay Lohan

When I heard that Lindsay Lohan was going to have to work at a morgue for a whopping total of 8 hours the first thought that popped into my head was the early 80's move Night Shift. It starred Michael Keaton and Henry Winkler and had Shelley Long as the hooker and neighbor of Winkler's character and of course his true love.

With Lindsay's penchant for hooking up with guys just after meeting them and the ample space to achieve such hookups, I thought that Lindsay might take this opportunity to engage in her own version of Night Shift. Of course she will probably work during the daytime and sign autographs for the entirety of each of her four shifts, but it is a nice thought to have. Hell if she did a Night Shift 2 it couldn't do any worse than her last few movies, and lets face it, Henry Winkler could use the work.

Incidentally I think the fact that Lindsay is going to have to spend time in a morgue and in a hospital emergency room on an overnight weekend shift a great punishment for those caught drinking and driving. It seems to me that instead of 46 minutes in jail, all offenders would get more out of such an experience and make a much larger impact than an hour seeing the inside of a jail.

To actually see the impact of a drunk driver is probably a much bigger jolt to the system and a much bigger deterrent than getting booked into the front door of the jail and immediately being escorted out the back with time served.

Daily Mirror Blind Item

Which reality tv star was caught with a bleeding nose in a West End club? She had been snorting the white stuff all evening....

I'm Guessing These Aren't Regular Touristy Type Photos

When most people lose their camera or have it stolen on a vacation they cuss for a few minutes, blame the local population and if they are American probably go and eat at a McDonalds to get over their misery. That's what normal people do. What Penelope Cruz did was get on the phone to her lawyer and quicker than you can say naked photos with Javier Bardem, Penelope's attorney fired off a letter to the tabloids warning them against publishing any photos of Penelope they may think are exclusive.

While I understand what he is doing, and why since Penelope would obviously like a piece of the pie so to speak, I think he is going overboard. There must have been thousands and thousands of photos of Penelope on her recent vacation taken by the paps. What pictures could she have taken they didn't get? More photos with her sister doing even more crazy things? More photos with Javier? Perhaps the three of them together. I don't really know, and I wouldn't have suspected they include any of those things if this massive attack had not been launched by her attorney.

Now this also causes any photos of Penelope to come under scrutiny even if they were obtained legally because the tabloids will not know for 100% sure that a pap took them or if they came from the lost camera. What photos could possibly be so important?

Getting Shot To Sell Albums

Not content with regular promotion tactics to create anticipation for his upcoming album, German hip-hop star Massiv has been accused of staging a drive-by shooting in a bid to boost album sales.

The rapper was pacing back and forth on a street in a neighborhood known as Neukolln which is known for its violence. As he paced back for about the 20th time a man pulled up and fired four bullets at Massiv, one passing straight through his right shoulder, according to a statement released by his record label No Limits Music.

A spokesman added, "Massiv is totally shocked. He lost a lot of blood and was near death."

The police see it much differently though. Yes, bullets were fired. However, they describe Massiv's injury as a mere graze to the skin. Cops are also suspicious because there was a ten paragraph story up on Massiv's website within 4 minutes of the attack and Massiv's brush with death.

A police spokesman says, "Several shots are supposed to have been fired at the singer from close range, so we are rather surprised that only one bullet grazed his arm. However, there is no doubt that there was an incident." Massiv has vehemently denied allegations the incident was a publicity stunt to promote his new album One Man One Word, due out next month. Of course he is going to deny it. If it happened in the US he would go to jail for it. I am guessing it must be some kind of crime in Germany as well. Plus, how big of an idiot do you have to be to let yourself get shot. I know they probably hired a pro, but even pros make mistakes. He did get his headlines though.

Like I Need Another Reason To Dislike Beyonce

Last time I checked, Beyonce was a member of the Screen Actors Guild. Although the strike may be settled by the time the Grammy Awards air in early February, as it stands now, SAG members are not crossing the picket lines of the WGA to perform or to present. Except of course for Beyonce. Beyonce has made it clear that she is going to perform at the Grammy Awards and that she doesn't really care if there is a strike or that the entire membership of SAG is united in the effort.

Beyonce has made it perfectly clear that the only person she thinks of is her. 50 Cent and Jon Bon Jovi are also members of SAG and have made it clear they will not cross the picket lines but Beyonce who was so proud to be cast in films is turning her back on the entire membership. I hope her four minutes of airtime are worth the fact that she should not ever get another role in another film or television show ever again.

If a musician who is not a member of SAG wants to play the show then that is fine. I know Foo Fighters are still going to play and there will be others. BUT, the key difference is they are not members of an organization which have told its members not to cross. Beyonce will be the ONLY member of SAG to cross the lines. She has no noble reason for doing it. She is not doing it to help CBS or the awards themselves. Beyonce is doing it for Beyonce and because she figures that the spotlight will be focused on her. It will be focused now, but for all the wrong reasons.

I guess Beyonce is a SAG supporter only when it helps Beyonce. I have also decided that from now on in this blog Beyonce only talks about herself in the 3rd person so that way she can hear her name more often.

Ted C Blind Item

Well, we were going to blab all about pee-happy Super-Duper Cooper’s nasty-ass demand that his (ex) blondie ditz dame get an abortion—most men are simply hideous, straight and gay, all there is to it—but after last week’s pooch-offing Blind left us in a very bad mood, just had to offer up something, uh, a tad more festive to ponder this week. Hope you don’t mind. Promise, back to the desultory trash soon!

So, remember Bravado Boom-Cocks, the star with the overly loud, potty-mouthed manners who chewed out a poor party host? He’s just gotten himself a fabulous new mansion. Ain’t entertainment money just devilishly over-the-top? The pad’s as huge as the boy’s rumored endowment, promise. And he was bragging about the spread’s size to an amigo recently. And said amigo was quite aware of BBC’s fondness for masturbation. So, he asked the award-winning celebrity if he had yet autoerotically christened the new mansion yet.

“Are you kidding?” bellowed the outspoken pisser. “Every room.”

Jeez. He hasn't even moved in to the joint yet. That sex addict works fast.

Today's Blind Items

Who would have thought that the death of a Japanese tycoon could have an effect on a Hollywood marriage. About two months ago a Japanese tycoon died. About two weeks ago the husband of our gorgeous, foreign born, B list film actress answered the phone to discover that the tycoon had left his actress wife almost $5M in his will. The husband had never heard of the guy and assumed there had been some mistake. Yes, his wife was a famous actress but no one just leaves that much money to someone they have never met. Well, when he mentioned it to this wife he could tell she did know the tycoon. How did she know him and what made him leave his wife $5M? Turns out that the wife had met the tycoon when she was just starting out in the business and had spent some time with him on several occasions. When I say spending time, I think you know what I am getting at. Apparently our actress must have left quite an impression with her interpersonal skills. The husband wasn't really that upset about his wife's past. He may have been more so if he knew that she had seen the tycoon once or twice after her marriage.

Random Photos Part One

I didn't think Lindsay Lohan would ever make it to the top of the list ever again. See what happens when you try. Or not?
This is my conspiracy photo of the day. Click on the photo and make it nice and big. Is that a booger in her left nostril or something else. Of course it could be just freckles. She has them everywhere so why not inside her nose.
Felicity Huffman needs much better lighting. Don't you wish that you could just walk down a street and automatically be photoshopped.
One Hills cast member a day is all I can stand. Today the lucky person is Audrina Partridge. Not for anything special like her new boyfriend or the fact that she has joined the world of women who have been photographed getting out of a car with no panties. It is instead because she obviously did or ate something on the way to the premiere and just spilled it all over her. They are some very odd stains, but you have to love that she showed up and smiled anyway.
Adnan as a 17 year old. He is without a doubt the oldest looking 17 year old I have ever seen. You want to talk about back hair, you just know he has tons and tons.
Prince William after his first solo flight.
If you out a horse mouth on Ashlee Simpson then she could pass for Julia Roberts with that new hair color and all that work. Maybe that is what she is going for. Maybe Pete Wentz always wanted a shot at Julia and so he is having Ashlee slowly morph into Julia.
Some kind of Army roleplaying perhaps?
Your Jeopardy Question of the day. "What has Tom Cruise never felt?"
I'm guessing that Jesse Metcalfe lost some weight.
Maybe the Scientologists want a church cookbook.
The Snake Queen performing in London.
Whenever you are feeling down just go over to YouTube and type in Rex Lee and you will feel much better.
With all the reality shows around, how come Ron Jeremy doesn't have his own one yet? I think it would be great.
I was getting worried, but it turns out that Paris Hilton can still look whorish with the best of them.

Brad Pitt's Sister -- Not An Angelina Fan

So when Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt went back to Missouri for the holidays, they of course brought presents for the whole family. So what did one of the highest paid actresses in the world buy for her future nephews? One video game. Yep. That's it. One video game to share. Not the game system. One game.

But wait. It gets better. I wouldn't suck you in this far and not give you some kind of payoff. It's not like we're dating or something. I mean at that point I will promise anything, and you may or may not get a payoff. Hell, I might not even be able to step to the plate. I have issues. Anyway, as I was saying, it gets better.

The game in question was a Nintendo Wii game called Ghost Squad. When Brad's sister Julie saw the gift she immediately returned it to Angelina with a note that said 'We don't promote violence in our house.' Julie and her husband Ron have a very strict policy about what they believe is right or wrong for their kids. I agree with that, but Angelina thinks the couple need to get a life. Angelina thinks playing violent games and acting out that way is a normal process in a child's life. She is such a strong proponent of it in fact that she bought Maddox a knife-throwing set for Christmas.

Does he practice throwing at mommy or daddy?

Jeremy Piven Wants Dita von Teese

Showing that he is not afraid to go where Marilyn Manson has been before, Jeremy Piven has been acting like a school kid with a gold star to take home to mommy. It seems that the great actor and prime jackass has a little thing for Dita von Teese. Must have seen some of her new porn photos that have been passed around. If you haven't seen them I will spare you the actual photos. Lets just say that she and another woman are sharing some quality time with a tool they are using simultaneously.

Anyway, Piven was running around gifting suites last week looking for dresses for her thinking it would impress her or something. He obviously doesn't know about the other multi-millionaires who are always buying her things to wear. Still, it is kind of endearing and kind of romantic in a stalkerish kind of way. I say stalkerish because they have only met once. Dita found out about the whole getting free stuff from Jeremy because he didn't know what size she wears. Dita's lawyer encouraged Piven to step up and be a man and basically told him that Dita was available for the right man. "She is single, and she's not dating, so he should step up to the plate because there's a lot of guys interested."

One guy who is not interested is me. Oh, I think she is gorgeous. I just think Marilyn cursed her vayjay before he left or did something else or left something else, and I just don't want to have those images in my head. Make them stop. Jeremy has no qualms about anything having to do with sex so I will let him fill the breach or whatever else he wants to fill. Hopefully Dita will give him a chance, and also while she is at it, get him to stop being such an ass.

The World Of WD

Short and hopefully sweet...

It's such an up and down life. That's what I love about it, and also what drives me crazy.

I took the advice all of you were so kind to give me and I went into my agents office last week. After all your encouragement and motivating comments I went in there with a plan. I have to tell you that we had a great talk.

Of course they brought up the strike first thing, and I was prepared for the "so thanks for coming in" speech. But, then they surprised me. They said that although the strike is going on they told me that there were a number of movies
being cast right now and they working and working for me to get some of those movies.

In anticipation of the strike, the studios stockpiled movie scripts. So no pilot season, plenty of movies. Things are definitely picking up.

I had a VO audition for audios books that teach Korean children English. My 2nd and 3rd callback for another webisode AND (drum roll please) an audition for the newest Jared Hess film. You guys are research experts so I'm sure I don't need to tell you who that is.

My agents were so excited to have an audition for me that I was called twice to be told about it. Yay! Now the description of the part is for someone totally different than I am, but it's my job to try to change their minds, and I think the visit to the agency is what got me the audition.

Oh and one last tidbit, I donated my hair to Locks of Love. www.locksoflove.org It was such a cool feeling sending that off, especially after seeing the kids on the website so happy with their new wigs!

Hope you guys have a great week. Thanks for riding the roller coaster with me.

George Michael Gets Huge Book Deal

Except for JK Rowling, George Michael got one of the biggest publishing deals ever in the UK. Reports are that just for the UK rights he was given about $6M. The reason he was given that much is that George has promised that he will spill all and tell all about his life and that everyone will want to read what he has to say.

"George has promised HarperCollins a no-holds barred biography, and it's certain to be just that," the singer's manager, Andy Stephens, said in a statement Wednesday. "People aren't stupid, they're beginning to notice that the truth is more interesting than the stories the press come up with!"

The truth is mush more interesting because we all know it is fact. However, after skimming through the Boy George biography again the other day because I wanted to re-read the bits and pieces about Gavin Rossdale, I am not sure that we will get the truth from George Michael. Oh, I'm sure we will get some good stories but I don't think it will be as honest as Boy George's book. Boy talks a lot of smack about George Michael in his book and it will be interesting to see if George just glosses over things or if he will give us what we want to know.

I want it to be good and think it will be one of the very best tell all type of biographies if he spills. I'm just not sure that he will given his past and how private he has always been. Time will tell.

I Hate Justin Timberlake

Lets just pretend for the sake of argument that Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake are really a couple and soooo in love as their publicists would lead you to believe. They want you to know that Justin adores his Jessica and that despite the recent freakishness of Jessica's hair and lips, Justin is happy and content. Again, for the sake of this post we are assuming all of this to be true, even if it is not close to being true because I don't think either one can stand being with the other. Got all that? Good. So wtf was Justin Timberlake doing in the club Villa the other night making out with Kate Hudson? If you will recall, Kate was his number one looks like a man choice after Cameron Diaz and they swapped some spit about a year ago. Now, with Jessica off filming in the UK, and Justin anxious to prove he isn't an Eddie Murphy boy toy, he makes his move on Kate Hudson.

Of course Justin's people deny it all and say the usual crap that he and Kate are just friends and that friends always shove their tongues down other friends throats. I don't know if they are denying it because they really believe it never happened or if they want the world to think Jessica and Justin are still together, or if they don't want Justin portrayed as a cheater, or if Kate is too old or too ugly or they just don't know what to do or can't get Justin on the phone.

All I know is that this is one guy who only cares about himself. He has proved that he doesn't care about his fans, and doesn't care about the people he works with. The only people other than himself who Justin cares about are people that can do him a favor. If they can't, then buh bye. For an example see N-Sync. Also, this is the second time I have said buh bye today. Shoot me if I do it again.

Lets Talk Eddie And Tracey

First of all they were never married so how could their marriage be over? I hate all the headlines that say the marriage ended after two weeks. There was none. It was like if you and your significant other did the same thing and broke up a few weeks later or months later or years later. You were just in a relationship and broke up. Not divorced. Divorced involves paperwork and lawyers and depositions and ex-wives coming in to say nasty things about you, and you shutting them up by paying them off and telling them to go away very, very quickly and then going off and doing some films that are completely awful but pay really, really well.

Anyway, that is either here nor there. I think what happened is that Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds came to some type of arrangement or deal. If you think about the fact what has been going on during their dating and engagement and all the jackass behavior that Eddie engaged in during that time frame, there is no way that a new relationship is going to survive that. Weren't you all surprised that Tracey never left despite all the crap that went down with Mel B? With Eddie acting crazy in Europe and the never leaving his side presence of Johnny Gill?

So, Eddie wants what he wants and Tracey isn't married to Babyface anymore and so she could be persuaded. The only thing no one wants is to be actually married. Not a problem the lawyers say. Just head to a foreign country and do it there. While you are there, make sure you don't follow their laws either or you will end up married in that one country. Everything worked great. Sold the photos, guests came out, everything was great, except for one thing. The wedding wasn't legal. It is no big deal. People do it all the time. BUT, in this case someone from Tracey's people made a call and said yes, it is not a legal marriage, BUT they don't plan on getting married in the States when they get back.

Now, everywhere you look, all the stories just concentrated on the fact that the marriage wasn't legal and that they would have to get married back in the States. The very first article and I am not even sure where I saw it at this point said they don't plan on getting married legally. If that article had not come out and then created this furor, Eddie and Tracey would have presented themselves as married without actually doing it. When they were forced to say they would be getting married legally, they couldn't come to an arrangement, and thus are just going to be friends. Friends until Tracey can find someone who doesn't come with man baggage, and is willing to spend more on her than him.

As for Eddie, he needs to find some other woman now and get her pregnant so he can prove how masculine he really is.

No More Justice League

All the cast members for the Justice League of America film were all on set and ready to begin filming when Warner Brothers decided to pull the plug on the film. All of the contracts of the actors were allowed to expire. Although Warner Brothers claims they were halting filming because of tax issues and whether Justice League would qualify for tax discounts, the real reason it was halted is because the script sucks and it needs to be fixed. One problem is that you can't fix it without writers and so the project says buh bye for now.

Warner Brothers did tell the cast that the film would be made in the future and that all of the cast would be brought back as well. If I were the cast I wouldn't believe that line for one second. The cast doesn't have any contracts, they weren't pay or play so they probably didn't get paid very much, and they gave up other work to take this work. A year from now when Warner Brothers has fresher faces in the roles all these cast members can at least say were the original choice which will be really nice when they are sitting in the theater watching someone else on the screen in their role.

The George Miller-helmed production was rumored to star former OC actor Adam Brody as The Flash, alongside Armie Hammer Jr (Batman), rapper Common (Green Lantern), Megan Gale (Wonder Woman) and Scott Porter (Superman). Wolf Creek actress Theresa Palmer was also lined up to play Superman's love interest Talia al Ghul.

NY Daily News Blind Item

Which rising actor with a celebrity girlfriend has been sending "dirty, flirty" texts to a slew of young ladies in Hollywood? At least that's the gossip ...

Why Heart Conditions And Cocaine Don't Mix -- The Ike Turner Story

I doubt if Ike Turner was the oldest person to ever die of a coke overdose but he has to be right up there.

The San Diego County Coroner released its report today which stated that "Ike abused cocaine, and that's what resulted in the cocaine toxicity," said Paul Parker, chief investigator at the medical examiner's office. The medical examiner's office also listed hypertensive cardiovascular disease and pulmonary emphysema as "significant and contributing factors" to Turner's death, Parker said.

So, if I am reading this right, Ike suffered from some severe heart problems and was hacking up his lungs yet he still was doing coke enough to overdose. That is living like a rock star. To knowingly take a drug that jacks up your heart about a million percent while suffering from severe heart problems is really just asking for trouble.

Ike was 76 and so you can't say that he didn't lead a full life and maybe this was how he always dreamed of going. I'm sure Tina Turner would have preferred him dying by some type of slow agonizing torture, but being the class act she is, only acknowledged that Ike had indeed died and wasn't coming back.

In an interview he gave a few years before his death, this is what Ike had to say about drugs. "My experience, man, with drugs — I can't say that I'm proud that I did drugs, but I'm glad I'm still alive to convey how I came through," he said. "I'm a good example that you can go to the bottom. ... I used to pray, `God, if you let me get three days clean, I will never look back.' But I never did get to three days. You know why? Because I would lie to myself. And then only when I went to jail, man, did I get those three days. And man, I haven't looked back since then."

I guess something changed to make him start looking back. Turner died on December 12th.

Today's Blind Items

#1 On one of his recent benders it seems as if our former A list film actor picked up a present that isn't the kind you really want to bring home to your wife. The problem is that you can expect those kinds of presents when you are picking up strange women every night and not using protection. No word on whether he actually tried to give the present to his wife, but chances are that is a big no, and he will be very lucky to ever get to visit that special place again. Word is also that his most recent bender included his very first effort with a needle.

#2 I'm lazy, but you really need to go back and find the blind item about the singer who is pregnant but got so by someone other than her significant other. When you read it again, things start to fall in place.

Random Photos Part One

Brad Renfro's story is not that uncommon with actors who come out to LA young. He just happens to be a name someone everyone knows. One of the reasons I had delayed talking about Brad is that I had hoped to have a post today from one of his best friends. She has promised to do so at some point today or tomorrow.
Brendan Fraser was definitely enjoying the single life last night. Definitely.
Andy Garcia should be glad he didn't bring his daughters last night because Brendan was enjoying himself immensely. Maybe that is why Andy left them home.
Ben Affleck with the clear white eyes. Oh wait. Not so clear. Should have used Visene Ben. It gets the red out.
Jennifer Garner was at the same event but I can't find a photo of them together. Anyone? Anyone?
Harold and Kumar premiere is set for April 4th. You might pretend you are above that kind of humor, but come on, you know you love it. The people attending SXSW in Austin will get to see it first.
Double JB. Sounds like my drink order.
I think Queen Latifah is telling Katie Holmes that she enjoys being a spectator while Diane Keaton just repeats the word fuck over and over again.
Wow it must be three whole days since I have had a photo of Ellen Page. One hit movie and the next thing you know you are everywhere.
I am going to spare everyone the photos of Sarah Michelle Gellar displaying her ribs which you can see when she has her back to the camera. How skinny do you have to be for that to happen?
Wow she is thin.
Well maybe Seth Green thinks his mustache looks cool. That would make one person.
Michael Douglas asks the lady standing next to him who she is again.
Lindsay Lohan wore a disguise to traffic school so when she put out with some random guy during a break, he wouldn't go run off and sell the story to the tabloids.

Worst Performances On American Idol Last Night

I didn't watch American Idol so I am going by people who told me these were the absolute worst. If any of you are readers of the site, feel free to rebut. No, rebut doesn't mean the same thing on here as it does when you are hanging out alone with Ryan Seacrest.

This Should Work Well

Marc Anthony is going to step up and control even more of Jennifer Lopez's life. Not content to simply interfere with 80% of her life, Marc wants to make sure he has his tiny skeletal fingers wrapped around every last little bit of Jennifer's life. So much so that I wouldn't be surprised if he pulled a Kidman and delivered the twins on his own just so no one else could ever look at Jennifer's vayjay.

Anyway, Jennifer's current manager Irving Azoff quit last week citing Marc's interference and Jennifer's habit of being unprofessional. What probably happened is that Irving scheduled things after first checking with Jennifer. Then, of course Marc grills her and tells her she can't do anything of the sort, and that she instead has to give him a pedicure. So, Jennifer calls Irving and explains to him that she has to clean Marc's toenails and so can't go do the thing which would have made her a zillion dollars. Irving, who has already told so and so that Jennifer is going to do it now looks like an ass and that he doesn't actually have control of his client. Happens enough time and no 15% is worth that. Especially 15% of less and less. So, Irving said bye bye and Marc Anthony said hello to his new client and his 25% cut.

Of course Jennifer says Irving was fired, and Irving says he quit. Either way I think we can all agree that Marc is the culprit behind all of this, and someday when Jennifer stops taking the Katie Holmes meds maybe she can go back to being a spectator and get on with her life.

Scott Storch Is A Jackass -- And A Deadbeat Dad

I think we already knew Scott Storch was a jackass, but I just wanted to drill home the point that a guy who spends thousands of dollars a night on parties but decides not to pay his child support is the jackass of jackasses. Storch allegedly made $17M in 2006 but somehow can't manage to find the $7500 a month in child support he owes to his ex girlfriend Dalene Daniel.

Because Storch failed to provide child support in December or January, Dalene was unable to give their 21 month old son Jalen much of a Christmas. Obviously Scott didn't care as he was spotted out numerous times in December having one party after another. Storch has another child with a different woman as well, but she is not involved in the current court proceedings. I am guessing though that Scott's track record with his payments to her are probably just as crappy.

So why do these women allow themselves to get impregnated by this guy? Is it because he is rich? He is without a doubt one of the ugliest guys on the planet and probably is about 5'2" and weighs 100 pounds tops. Maybe they think if they have sex with him, he will pass them along to a singer or someone in a band and then they can raise Scott's baby together.

Whatever their reason for sleeping with this jackass, the point is he needs to pay. For someone who makes $17M a year, he should be grateful he is only paying $7500 a month in child support and should pay the whole year in advance each and every year. He didn't and so now when Dalene goes back to court she may as well ask the court to jack that amount up each month to something more commensurate with his income. I'm thinking if the $17M is accurate our jackass could be paying over $20,000 a month now. Jackass.

An Original Spice Girl Bitch Slaps Me

On December 3, 2007 I wrote a story about Lianne Morgan who was one of the original Spice Girls before being replaced by Mel C and all of her feminine charms. The reason given for Lianne's replacement was that she was too old. I then blathered on and did my whole snark thing and moved on to other things. Well, Lianne had something to say about it, and so here is what she wrote to me. Word for word.

I would just like to say how much I enjoyed reading the info about me, very nice. I am very surprised that you are a lawyer, I would have thought that you would be more intelligent than to believe everything you read. The press in this country say what they want and there is nothing that can be done about it. So what I am trying to say is don’t believe what you read. They want me to be bitter as it makes a better read I suppose. I don’t know what interview you are referring to but I have only ever done one interview and that was in 1998 and I was 27. It has been very hard for me as I have been singing since I was 12years old, and when I did the audition for the spice girls my ex boyfriend was with me, he told the press about me being excepted into the group which was touch, the press went crazy and they were writing what they wanted too about me. since 1998 I have just continued to live my life, got married opened a few businesses but what I am at heart is a songwriter and a singer. So just a month ago I realised that the spice girls are hear forever and does that mean that I should not pursue my career. Through fear of the press. I am signed to a management company, but as soon as do any thing the spice girls link just completely takes over and it explodes in my face again. So it is very hurtful to read thousands of nasty comments about me. I am simply someone who is a singer/songwriter I am a mum of two young children and I am getting on with my life. This time I will not be beaten down by the press. What the press don’t write is that I am a Spice Girls fan and I think they are amazing because I knew what there capabilities were, and I can see how they have grown.

I just want you to know that I think I speak for myself and my readers in wishing you the very best of luck with your career and hope you will continue checking in and letting us know how you are doing.

Fabio Still Wants A Piece Of Clooney

No, not that kind of piece you pervs. Besides it's not Friday yet. Back in November if you will recall, George Clooney and Fabio started yelling at each other in a restaurant. In this month's Details Magazine, Fabio talks about the incident in detail and how he really, really, really regrets not kicking the ever loving crap out of George Clooney. I'm not saying I agree with fighting or that pretty boy Fabio could do the ass kicking, but I think George could use an ass kicking IF what Fabio says happened is true.

Fabio says that he was dining with some women and one of the women overheard George Clooney calling her "a fat cow." Fabio then got up and confronted George who thought that the women had been trying to take photos of him. Fabio also alleges that George was drunk off his ass.

Fabio apologized to George if he thought the women were taking photos which they weren't. Here is how Fabio puts it exactly. (with accent) "I apologized and he started being rude so I put him in his place... I went back to my table and as soon as I sit down he paid his bill, got up and he started insulting the girls. He called the women names. At that point I lost my temper. I went after him and he ran out of the restaurant."

"I could have f---ed him up. Oh my god, I could have beaten the s--- out of him. I am still so p---ed at him."

Well, if what you say is true Fabio, then yes, you should have kicked George's ass and when you got sued or arrested or both, the truth would have come out, George's career would have gone into the toilet and you could do a guest shot on next year's Surreal Life. Seriously though, I am glad you gave him a scare, and it would have been fun to see Clooney running away like a little girl.

Rent Says Goodbye

I'm not a big fan of musicals. I will go see them if someone is desperate to go, or if I have a friend who is starring in one, but for the most part they just don't interest me. I do like the opera though, and I remember about ten years ago or so, someone told me that I had to go to New York and see this brand new musical based on La Boheme. They said it was called Rent. About two months later I was in New York and someone asked me if I wanted to go see Rent. I had completely forgotten about it, until they mentioned it, but said sure.

I have now seen Rent about 15 times live and watched the movie countless additional times. To some, Rent is just music and a good story, but if you read my posts on World Aids Day you know that Rent can be very personal and very moving and very identifiable. In 1989 and 1990 when the story is supposed to take place, AIDS was a death sentence and you saw how different people coped in different ways. Those people with AIDS came from a wide variety of backgrounds and had a variety of friends which all intertwined. Added to the hopelessness of AIDS, was the homeless issue and the stark background of New York smack in the middle of an economic recession. It was real, and therefore is also the problem with its long term survival prospects.

People who are in their early 20's now have no idea how to relate to any of those issues which I mentioned above and so to them it is just a story. They might not even catch on that some of the characters have AIDS. This is not their reality. It doesn't affect them. It is way to serious to just see lightly on a Sunday afternoon. It is not going to numb you like two hours at Mamma Mia. It is going to hit you head on and confront you. It is going to make you think and reflect about what was and what you lived through. The problem is younger audiences never lives with it and so don't get it, and aren't confronted and aren't reflecting. They should.

If you want to see Rent before it closes you have until June 1st. Take someone who has never been before. Take someone younger than you. Talk to them after. Tell them what it was like. Tell them how you had friends just like those in the play. It is a part of our history that is already being forgotten. Try to do your best to make sure it isn't.

Lets Talk BAFTA's And Spies

With no Golden Globes, a scaled down Grammy Awards, no Academy Awards, and a cable only broadcast of the SAG Awards, what is an award show freak supposed to do? I know you want to see the best and worst dressed and want the special reports of which you have grown so accustomed. Our award spy actually was so depressed that she couldn't spill everything Sunday night, and wants to make sure you don't forget about her and that she promises that she will go make dirt if she has to at the next show she is at. (Probably the SAG Awards).

To get us through our withdrawals, I have found someone who is willing to do the same thing for you, the reader for the BAFTA's which are the British equivalent to the Academy Awards and will be awarded on February 10. The person who is willing to give us a report from the BAFTA's has never blogged before, so I am excited about the possibilities.

Because I want all of us to enjoy the BAFTA experience as much as possible, I think it is imperative that we at least know who the hell is nominated, and that the depressing photo I had yesterday of Kelly Osbourne was her reading the nominations. I don't think that has anything to do with the awards themselves, but rather the presenter herself so don't mistake her general grumpiness for a bad feeling about the awards, but rather the fact that she is always miserable and has to go dress up in a 1920's style dress today for Kate Moss' birthday tea party. And when I say tea, I mean crack. No, it really is a tea party. The crack comes later.

Here are the nominations. Wagering is allowed.

FILM

AMERICAN GANGSTER – Brian Grazer/Ridley Scott
ATONEMENT – Tim Bevan/Eric Fellner/Paul Webster
THE LIVES OF OTHERS – Quirin Berg/Max Wiedemann
NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN – Scott Rudin/Joel Coen/Ethan Coen
THERE WILL BE BLOOD – JoAnne Sellar/Paul Thomas Anderson/Daniel Lupi

BEST BRITISH FILM

ATONEMENT – Tim Bevan/Eric Fellner/Paul Webster/Joe Wright/Christopher Hampton
THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM – Frank Marshall/Patrick Crowley/Paul L Sandberg/Paul Greengrass/Tony Gilroy/Scott Z Burns/George Nolfi
CONTROL – Orian Williams/ Todd Eckert/Anton Corbijn/Matt Greenhalgh
EASTERN PROMISES – Paul Webster/Robert Lantos/David Cronenberg/Steve Knight
THIS IS ENGLAND – Mark Herbert/Shane Meadows

THE CARL FOREMAN AWARD

for Special Achievement by a British Director, Writer or Producer in their First Feature Film

CHRIS ATKINS (Director/Writer) – Taking Liberties
MIA BAYS (Producer) – Scott Walker: 30 Century Man
SARAH GAVRON (Director) – Brick Lane
MATT GREENHALGH (Writer) – Control
ANDREW PIDDINGTON (Director/Writer) – The Killing of John Lennon

DIRECTOR

ATONEMENT – Joe Wright
THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM – Paul Greengrass
THE LIVES OF OTHERS – Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck
NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN – Joel Coen/Ethan Coen
THERE WILL BE BLOOD – Paul Thomas Anderson

ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY

AMERICAN GANGSTER – Steven Zaillian
JUNO – Diablo Cody
THE LIVES OF OTHERS – Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck
MICHAEL CLAYTON – Tony Gilroy
THIS IS ENGLAND – Shane Meadows

ADAPTED SCREENPLAY

ATONEMENT – Christopher Hampton
THE DIVING BELL AND THE BUTTERFLY – Ronald Harwood
THE KITE RUNNER – David Benioff
NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN – Joel Coen/Ethan Coen
THERE WILL BE BLOOD – Paul Thomas Anderson

FILM NOT IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

THE DIVING BELL AND THE BUTTERFLY – Kathleen Kennedy/Jon Kilik/Julian Schnabel
THE KITE RUNNER – William Horberg/Walter Parkes/Rebecca Yeldham/Marc Foster
THE LIVES OF OTHERS – Quirin Berg/Max Wiedemann/Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck
LUST, CAUTION – Bill Kong/James Schamus/Ang Lee
LA VIE EN ROSE – Alain Goldman/Olivier Dahan

ANIMATED FILM

RATATOUILLE – Brad Bird
SHREK THE THIRD – Chris Miller
THE SIMPSONS MOVIE – Matt Groening/James L Brooks

LEADING ACTOR

GEORGE CLOONEY – Michael Clayton
DANIEL DAY-LEWIS – There Will Be Blood
JAMES McAVOY – Atonement
VIGGO MORTENSEN – Eastern Promises
ULRICH MÜHE – The Lives of Others

LEADING ACTRESS

CATE BLANCHETT – Elizabeth: The Golden Age
JULIE CHRISTIE – Away From Her
MARION COTILLARD – La Vie en Rose
KEIRA KNIGHTLEY – Atonement
ELLEN PAGE – Juno

SUPPORTING ACTOR

JAVIER BARDEM – No Country for Old Men
PAUL DANO – There Will Be Blood
TOMMY LEE JONES – No Country for Old Men
PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN – Charlie Wilson’s War
TOM WILKINSON – Michael Clayton

SUPPORTING ACTRESS

CATE BLANCHETT – I’m Not There
KELLY MACDONALD – No Country for Old Men
SAMANTHA MORTON – Control
SAOIRSE RONAN – Atonement
TILDA SWINTON – Michael Clayton

MUSIC

AMERICAN GANGSTER – Marc Streitenfeld
ATONEMENT – Dario Marianelli
THE KITE RUNNER – Alberto Iglesias
THERE WILL BE BLOOD – Jonny Greenwood
LA VIE EN ROSE – Christopher Gunning

CINEMATOGRAPHY

AMERICAN GANGSTER – Harris Savides
ATONEMENT – Seamus McGarvey
THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM – Oliver Wood
NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN – Roger Deakins
THERE WILL BE BLOOD – Robert Elswit

EDITING

AMERICAN GANGSTER – Pietro Scalia
ATONEMENT – Paul Tothill
THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM – Christopher Rouse
MICHAEL CLAYTON – John Gilroy
NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN – Roderick Jaynes

PRODUCTION DESIGN

ATONEMENT – Sarah Greenwood/Katie Spencer
ELIZABETH: THE GOLDEN AGE – Guy Hendrix Dyas/Richard Roberts
HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX – Stuart Craig/Stephenie McMillan
THERE WILL BE BLOOD – Jack Fisk/Jim Erickson
LA VIE EN ROSE – Olivier Raoux

COSTUME DESIGN

ATONEMENT – Jacqueline Durran
ELIZABETH: THE GOLDEN AGE – Alexandra Byrne
LUST, CAUTION – Pan Lai
SWEENEY TODD: THE DEMON BARBER OF FLEET STREET – Colleen Atwood
LA VIE EN ROSE – Marit Allen

SOUND

ATONEMENT – Danny Hambrook/Paul Hamblin/Catherine Hodgson
THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM – Kirk Francis/Scott Millan/Dave Parker/Karen Baker Landers/Per Hallberg
NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN – Peter Kurland/Skip Lievsay/Craig Berkey/Greg Orloff
THERE WILL BE BLOOD – Christopher Scarabosio/Matthew Wood/John Pritchett/Michael Semanick/Tom Johnson
LA VIE EN ROSE – Laurent Zeilig/Pascal Villard/Jean-Paul Hurier/Marc Doisne

SPECIAL VISUAL EFFECTS

THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM – Peter Chiang/Charlie Noble/Mattias Lindahl/Joss Williams
THE GOLDEN COMPASS – Michael Fink/Bill Westenhofer/Ben Morris/Trevor Woods
HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX – Tim Burke/John Richardson/Emma Norton/Chris Shaw
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: AT WORLD’S END – John Knoll/Charles Gibson/Hal Hickel/John Frazier
SPIDER-MAN 3 – Scott Stokdyk/Peter Nofz/Kee-Suk Ken Hahn/Spencer Cook

MAKE UP & HAIR

ATONEMENT – Ivana Primorac
ELIZABETH: THE GOLDEN AGE – Jenny Shircore
HAIRSPRAY – Nominees TBC
SWEENEY TODD: THE DEMON BARBER OF FLEET STREET – Ivana Primorac
LA VIE EN ROSE – Jan Archibald/Didier Lavergne

SHORT ANIMATION

THE PEARCE SISTERS – Jo Allen/Luis Cook
HEAD OVER HEELS – Osbert Parker/Fiona Pitkin/Ian Gouldstone
THE CRUMBLEGIANT – Pearse Moore/John McCloskey

SHORT FILM

DOG ALTOGETHER – Diarmid Scrimshaw/Paddy Considine
HESITATION – Julien Berlan/Michelle Eastwood/Virginia Gilbert
THE ONE AND ONLY HERB MCGWYER PLAYS WALLIS ISLAND – Charlie Henderson/James Griffiths/Tim Key/Tom Basden
SOFT – Jane Hooks/Simon Ellis
THE STRONGER – Dan McCulloch/Lia Williams/Frank McGuinness

THE ORANGE RISING STAR AWARD

(voted for by the public) – nominees announced on Tuesday 8 January

SHIA LABEOUF
SIENNA MILLER
ELLEN PAGE
SAM RILEY
TANG WEI

DNfromMN Move Review - Cloverfield

CLOVERFIELD
Release Date: 01-18-08

So we saw the first preview back in May ’07 in front of Transformers, before the movie was even finished filming. And it’s been hyped up the wazoo with fun internet viral marketing games, web widget stealing, Facebook ads, and even text marketing (any other Virgin Mobile subscribers). This movie’s been marketed to hell and back. So is it worth it? Since this is a movie you probably don’t want spoiled, I’ll give you my judgment up front:

On my “what it’s worth” scale of $0 (televised bowling is a better option) to $18 (full price ticket + buy your dinner from concessions), it’s probably only worth about $6.50 (aka – matinee/wait for DVD and nuke yourself a bag of Orville Redenbacher).

Why so low, Joe? Because, really, if it weren’t shot in the style that it is (handheld, supposedly by the actors ala Lonelygirl15), it’d be about as good as the Matthew Broderick GODZILLA. And if it weren’t a monster movie, but shot in this style, it’d be something you’d see go direct-to-DVD. Two mediocres don’t make fantastic. It just stays mediocre.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed it. I was fully engrossed with a few exceptions (noted at end of review), but when it was over, I knew New York hadn’t been attacked and decimated, I knew it was all (well) acted. I think the audience I saw it with was kind of in the same boat, since everyone was silent for the bulk of the movie.

I liked the characters, and like ABC’s LOST you never know when something’s going to happen to them. First off there’s Marmaduke… ok, so that’s his character’s name on ABC’s CARPOOLERS, Hud in this movie, and Marlena, the girl he lusts after. There’s the hot brothers Jason and Rob, and their respective girlfriends: token minority Lily (who’s now on CSI, I find out from IMDB.COM), and Beth. Rob’s got a job in Japan, there’s a going away party, there’s a brownout, TV News says something’s up at the Statue of Liberty, everyone runs to the roof to see if they can see anything different than the helicopter shots on TV, there’s explosions, everyone runs downstairs and out on the street, Statue of Liberty’s head rolls down the street, aaaaaand: commence escape/running/screaming.

There are some twists, but most people are going to see this and I don’t want to take the surprising elements away. This is not a startle horror movie like ONE MISSED CALL or a gory horror movie like anything Rob Zombie puts out, it’s a thoughtful one, that has tense moments, but didn’t leave my muscles sore from tension like THE DESCENT or 28 DAYS LATER have in the last couple of years.
So yeah, I was pumped, but I’d accidentally stumbled upon a non-review (more a checklist of the movie’s flaws, few of which I agree with, since it ignored my chief complaint – still coming, don’t be impatient like a kid who needs his Ritalin®), which dampened my expectations. So I expected the movie to exceed my lowered expectations (like on MAD-TV), and I’d say it met my lowered expectations.

Oh, and you know how I’ve annoyingly been dropping names and brands throughout this review. That’s what bugged me the most about the movie: non-subtle product placement. Time to call you out: Sephora, Mountain Dew, Aquafina, and others which I’ve thankfully forgotten.

Great idea for a movie, smothered with money.

So your weekend options:
New Releases:
Cloverfield (Marmaduke! Ok, kidding, no well known actors)
Mad Money (Katie Holmes, Diane Keaton and Queen Latifah)
27 Dresses (Katherine Heigl & James Marsden)
Darling boyfriend went to the 27 Dresses screening last week, and his one line review was: “Eh, it’s good for what it’s trying to do.” About what I expected, which is why I opted for book club (even if it deprived my adoring fans another week of my reviews).

Last Week’s New Releases:
First Sunday (Tracy Morgan and Ice Cube – )
The Bucket List (Jack and Morgan’s Not-So-Excellent Adventure)

Sadie Frost Must Be Deaf

There were so many headlines I could have written with this story, but the thing that sticks out the most is that Sadie Frost must be deaf, or just totally oblivious to her surroundings. For the second time in about a year, the house that Sadie shares with her three children she had with Jude Law.

Now, lots of people get their house broken into, and once you are broken into, you are even more likely to get broken into again. So, at this point I am just feeling sorry for Sadie and thinking of a headline that says something along the lines that she needs to move. Then I start digging and I realize that Sadie was at home during each of the break ins. OK. You are saying to yourself, people are very heavy sleepers and that is not uncommon. You would be correct except for the fact that both break ins happened between 7 and 8pm while Sadie was wide awake and puttering around the house.

How big is your damn house if you can't hear someone going through your house stealing crap while you are wide awake and then have it happen again a year later? Someone is not saying everything here because this is just not possible.

I don't know if the kids were home during either break-in, but hope not because that would be traumatic. I was going to throw in a snide comment about it being more traumatic than seeing their dad naked, but it would get off the point I was about to make.

What everyone always wants to know is what items were taken, so lets go over the list.

Last year the thieves stole signed pictures of Sid Vicious, the family Range Rover, cash, a check book and personal photos.

This year cash and credit cards were stolen, as well as a laptop which is thought to contain personal photos of Sadie's friends, children and boyfriends. That was the polite way of saying that Sadie is freaked out about what is on the laptop. Allegedly it has lots and lots and lots of photos of Sadie and her boyfriends. Yes, plural, not singular, and not good wholesome Disney type photos either. The laptop also contains contact information for just about every celebrity living in London as she used her laptop for her Christmas card list this year.

We are not getting the full story here. I might believe one break in while she was wide awake, but not two. My guess is the first one was real, and that this one was not. If it were the same people they probably would have tried to take the new car, and not just left it. I think this was someone who wanted the laptop and wanted what was in it, or it could be that Sadie lost it and the money gambling and so concocted the break in story. Who knows, but I think we will definitely hear more about this very, very soon.

NY Daily News Blind Item

Which doe-eyed young TV star is attracting attention for his indiscreet way with cocaine? "He will do it absolutely anywhere," says a source. "Don't tell anybody!"

Today's Blind Items - Blind Item Breakdown

The question I get asked most about blind items other than answers is, "how do you find this stuff out?"

It is honestly not that difficult, but I thought I would take a minute to explain. I want you to think about your own life and this is true whether you work or stay at home or if you go to school or even if you don't even gossip as a rule yourself.

I want to do this by showing you your own life. Have you ever gossiped at work about someone, or heard gossip at work about someone? Like Sally is sleeping with Jeff over in Accounting even though he is married. There is absolutely no difference between that and the gossip that spreads on every film set in the world. The film set is work, but it is also revolving work. You will probably remain at the same company for years and years, but in Hollywood everyone moves in to something else after a few months and gets an entirely new group of employees to work with and gossip about and it just goes on and on. No one outside of your company or their respective families gives a whoop about Sally and Jeff, but if you turn the names into Jen and Ben everyone wants to know.

The same holds true even if you don't work. Have you had a dinner party at your house and gossiped about mutual friends or Bill's new weave? It is the same thing. People are people and no matter who they are or what they do for a living they talk, and talk and talk. It is just in this case, the people are not talking about Bill's weave, they are talking about whether John Travolta is completely bald or still has some hair left.

Let me give you an example. I was at dinner about six weeks ago and people were talking about this and that, but nothing gossipy per se. At one point I asked the waitress if she was an actress which is always a yes and asked her what she had been in. She told me and it was actually a pretty impressive list and probably made her wonder why she was still waiting tables. Someone at the table overheard what the waitress had worked on and immediately talked about the A list star of the hit network initials drama and how even though he was married he was always hitting on her. The waitress jumped in and said that the guy had actually made many passes at her and one time wouldn't let her leave his trailer until she had kissed him and agreed to have dinner with him. Then when they went to dinner he said he wanted to eat it in his suite and not in a restaurant. After dinner she thought she was going to have to beat the guy off, but the phone rang and it was his wife and when she figured that out, she spoke up really loudly so the wife would hear, said "thanks for dinner, I'm going to go now, " and got out.

Well that story led to another and another about when this had happened before and by whom and to whom and it went on for twenty minutes. In those twenty minutes I had enough blind items for a week. They don't usually come that easy and that plentiful, but almost any question can lead to a blind item.

If you ask your significant other how work was, and they say, it sucked. Jack is an ass. He did this and this and this and said this. Again, no one cares except the people involved, but if I ask one of my friends how work went, Jack may be Jack Nicholson and now you care.

Allegra Versace

Thanks to everyone who sent me photos. So Allegra Versace does look much better in the bottom two photos which are from the show, especially compared to the top photos which are just heart breaking. The problem is that she is all bundled up in the photos from the show and so it is really hard to tell which is probably a good thing because she just needs to eat and not worry about how she looks. Her face does look more full, and so hopefully she is on the way to recovery. Now if we could just get her to smile.

Gwyneth Paltrow's Hospital Visit

I have some theories about Gwyneth Paltrow's trip to the hospital. I think there are a few possible options, all of which I am sure will be disabused by Mr. Huvane as quick as he can hit send on an e-mail.

1. Shock at seeing Chris Martin - As long as it has been since they spent more than a day together, his sudden appearance at home set off a mild heart attack. OK. that is probably the least plausible reason, but it could have been related to it somehow as in she saw that he is quite possibly the only person to have paler skin than Gwyneth and so she was blinded by his paleness, fell down, bumped her head and suffered a concussion and couldn't regain her balance.

2. She had a miscarriage - I think this is probably the second most likely scenario. My guess is that she has been trying to get pregnant again and a miscarriage could necessitate the spending of the night in a hospital and the fact that she needed to be wheeled into the hospital.

3. She had been fasting - When she noticed that her post-Christmas weight had ballooned to 95 pounds she immediately went on the Cabbage Soup diet or some type of fasting equivalent and after two weeks of this finally passed out and was taken to the hospital. They gave her a piece of bread and she felt better and went home. Going with this train of thought, it is possible that she broke down and finally ate one Christmas cookie or some leftover candy from Halloween and her body went into some type of toxic shock from her eating that many calories at one sitting, thus the need for the hospital visit.

4. Publicity - Everyone has forgotten about Ms. Paltrow. She used to be on the covers of the tabloids each and every week and she may be wanting some of that attention that used to come her way. Now she has the opportunity to get at least a Kneepads Cover out of this little fiasco and possibly an appearance on the King Kneepad show as well talking about some type of stress or imagined malady or malaise that her husband and her career are helping her overcome. At the same time she can promote whatever the hell she is doing now and even give five seconds to her adoring husband to plug Coldplay's new album. He will be beside her during the interview on television and in the magazine interview will pop in holding the baby and going off to play with her like a good father. For the perfect example of how to play this little game, just read a copy of Elle with Victoria Beckham on the cover. Other celebrities should take lessons.

5. Drugs - Unless it is life threatening, celebrities try and avoid out in the open hospital situations for their drug issues. Not saying of course she has any. Just saying if she did, she wouldn't have been rolled into the hospital in a wheelchair like this. Hospitals leak like sieves. We would have already heard something if it was drug related.

Random Photos Part One

Are you guys tired of Johnny Depp yet? I think it will be very interesting to see those Academy Award nominations next Tuesday and see if Sweeney Todd was nominated.
As bad as Ellen Pompeo looks I would say that marriage isn't agreeing with her. I wonder if she has any money left.
I haven't heard anything lately about Donatella Versace's daughter and if she has been gaining weight. I still can't get the photos of her out of my head. Has anyone seen new photos of her?
This photo of Carol Alt is from last month's issue of Italian Vanity Fair. Still trying to figure out what the bubble is supposed to represent or if the photographer was just on crack.
When I first looked at this photo of Tom Cruise really quickly I actually thought he was holding this guy's hand.
Turn on camera. Open mouth. I'm telling you it is Pavlovian.
A little goodbye present from Mark Ronson to Amy Winehouse for being a good performer in the studio all day.

I know there are no pictures to be found anywhere if I'm showing photos of Kelly Osbourne. Does anyone really care about her? I mean seriously. Do each and everyone of us wake up in the morning and say to ourselves, "I can't wait to find out what Kelly Osbourne did today." "I wonder if she will smile or what she is wearing." To me she always looks constipated. That's just me though.

Tom Cruise Video -- Just In Case

I know most of you have seen the Tom Cruise Scientology video that was criss-crossing the internet yesterday. The problem was though that as soon as it would go up again, the Scientologists would find it and have YouTube take it down. Well, for those of you who have not seen it, the great people over at TodayTonight in Australia have made a news report out of the video and thus have escaped being taken down by YouTube.

Although it is not the entire 9 minute Tom Cruise rant, it definitely includes the good parts and some great editing to make Tom look even more crazy. The report also discusses Andrew Morton's book. If you haven't seen it and still think Tom Cruise is the lovable guy you see in films, this should wake you up. You could also go see Magnolia because it is basically the same character, only real. You may also want to lock your doors at night.

Daily Mirror Blind Item

Which celeb kept rubbish piled up in her house because she feared that if she threw it out, binmen might find her drug gear?

If You Are Bored Today

I have watched this behind the scenes video of Katie Couric twice and I think it is cute and harmless. I wouldn't want Katie to ever be mad at me because she seems like she would be a screamer and not an avoider, but other than that, I just thought it was a bit interesting slightly cute, and interesting in a DVD commentary kind of way..

That is what I thought. It turns out I am completely wrong and that the video below is actually filled with subliminal messages for Democrats and against Republicans and even though none of it made it on air, it just shows how Katie Couric is trying to bring down the Republican Party all by herself.

Look, I am a right down the middle guy and the great thing about being a right down the middle guy is that you get to see the wackiness on both ends. This is just a video. It is not life changing, earth changing, or indicative that Tom Cruise wants to get Katie Couric pregnant. He gets his Katie's confused. Now, I want to see some behind the scenes video from Good Morning America. That would be good. How about any tape from the green room or what the pre-interviewer went through. Anyway, if you have a few minutes, you should watch the video and make your own choices and conclusions. The video is from My Damn Channel which I think, but am not sure is owned by Harry Shearer. I do know he introduces this video.

What Idiot Thinks Britney Is Getting Married This Weekend?

I told myself I would stay away from Britney Spears, and instead focus on the rest of the trailer park, but this is just too much. I have seen at least five headlines today that are all screaming that Britney is about to get married for the third time. Of course two days ago, these same places were all shouting how Adnan is still married and that he still lives with her. So how are a marriage and divorce going to happen all in one week? It can't. Have people become so desperate to feed the Britney hype machine and generate buzz from their readers that they just throw this out expecting it to be swallowed? Maybe they think it is all part of a big plot and are preparing their readers. I guess Adnan and his wife could be pulling some elaborate scam where he tells Britney he really is married when he isn't and so they can have some fake wedding which really turns out to be real.

The thing is that I am writing about it and thus contributing to the overall situation that is Britney. I think when everyone banded together towards the end of last year and stopped writing so much about Paris Hilton, the world became a better place and Paris became more likable. Not lovable, and not invite to your home likable, but more of a homeless guy who isn't in your way when asking for your money likability. I think the same thing could happen if you left Britney alone to her own devices. Deprived of attention it is possible those devices would include things to kill herself, but it also might pull her back from the edge.

Britney is either going to kill herself or write a book about this period of her life. Either way she is going to be famous. The question is does she want to be here for the fame? I just want her to maker that decision on her own and to not feel the pressure or madness of the world surrounding her. If people stop reading, then the paps will stop taking photos and maybe she can breathe. Of course if she would go check herself into a mental health facility she would have a few days alone there until people could find her and start reporting on her.

So, no more Britney for awhile. I am going to do my part. I will wax rhapsodic about the rest of her dysfunctional family, but no more Britney.

Oprah Is Stealing From Me and Getting Richer

I stole the word OWL from JK Rowling and used it to describe Oprah's school in South Africa, and now Oprah is stealing from me for her own television network. Oh yes, you heard me right. Next year the Discovery Health Network will become OWN - The Oprah Winfrey Network. That's all this world needs is more Oprah. It is going to be all the rage. Every celebrity is going to want their own networks now. D list celebrities will pool their quarters and nickels to get one of their own and other celebrities will buy their own network and just show their movies and television appearances 24 hours a day. William Shatner will be available to host any and all of these networks for one small monthly fee.

I know all of you love Oprah and think she is the greatest person known to mankind. I don't. Oh, I think she does good things for people, even great, but I also don't think she does it for them as much as she does it for ratings. When she busy someone a new home, why does it have to be done on television. When she bought everyone in the audience a new car, why couldn't she have announced it before taping. The car thing is pretty simple. Buick would have been pissed since they were the ones who really made it possible.

Oprah does these things to feed one of the largest egos on the face of the planet. There is nothing wrong with having a huge ego. Most successful people do. The problem is that she is trying to feed her ego by pretending to be something she is not, and that is what I don't like. I am not the world's foremost expert on women's television networks, but I think there is at least Lifetime and Oxygen. Is there really a need for another network that is going to be exactly similar? More made for television films and Oprah, Oprah Oprah 24 hours a day. I imagine they will show each and every Oprah episode repeatedly. The ticker at the bottom of the screen will let you know exactly what or who Oprah is doing at any given point. I don't need to see Oprah sleeping, or Oprah eating running across the bottom of my screen 24 hours a day. Four hours daily will be devoted to Dr. Phil and another four hours to Rachael Ray. 30 minutes will be given to Rachael Ray's husband for the deviant sex questions of the day show which will run late night, right after the How To Open Your Own School infomercial

"Push Harder" ----- "Yes Daddy"

If the headline doesn't scare you on its own, I want you to just sit back in your chair and imagine this. I know many of you have children and judging by your comments, most of you must drink the same get pregnant juice as celebrities because you just keep on keeping on. I think that's fantastic, and if everyone wants to have ten kids, then even better. Imagine getting to the hospital on the day of your delivery. The contractions are really setting in now. The nurses are convinced you are actually going to go into labor so they take you to a birthing room, delivery room, labor room, or a 7 Eleven if you are named Britney. Anyway, there you are in the room. Everything is being connected to your body, your significant other is bitching about not being able to find the remote control or not enough channels. You know it's time to start pushing. Normally the nurse would start, and then the doctor would come in a bit later. Cool right? Well what if the nurse was your mom and the doctor was your dad?

That's right, your dad wants to deliver your baby. I know this is something Pimpa might like or Thora Birch's dad, but most fathers would not want to be reaching in to their daughter and saying push a little harder. Well you obviously have not met Nicole Kidman's family. They do that kind of thing. He already delivered Nicole's sister's baby and now he is going to handle the honors in this one. I can just hear the comments now. "Wow, you have been working this thing a little hard. Is this all Keith, or did Lenny have something to do with it?" "I remember like it was yesterday. Me showing you put on a condom and you kept practicing and practicing."

So when you are in that hospital room about to start pushing, and a head drops to between your legs to see how the head is coming, at least when the head pops back up, it won't be your dad telling you to push a little harder. I know I know. Try and fall asleep tonight thinking of that huh?



Thanks Twisted

Lie To Your Wife And Pay $1.5 Million

I don't know who the bigger idiot is, so maybe you can decide for yourself. In one corner you have DMX (aka Earl Simmons) and in the other corner you have Earl's wife. I like calling DMX Earl. Anyway back in 2003 Earl met Monique Wayne at a nightclub. This is while Earl was married. Everyone agrees that Earl met Monique at a club. After that point, Earl claims that Monique took him back to his hotel room and then raped him all night long. He even alleged this in an interview with Sister 2 Sister Magazine in an October 2006 article. This all night raping of him led to the birth of a child which DNA says is his.

Earl told this concocted story to show his wife that he never strays and is never cheats. His wife believed him and also hates Monique for raping her husband and forcing him to get Monique pregnant and then getting child support for the baby.

Monique decided to sue when Earl made this little charade public in the magazine interview.

In the interview — which ran as a cover story in the October 2006 issue of the magazine that featured Simmons and his wife, Tashera, on the cover — DMX was quoted as saying, "She raped me. ... That might sound like some bullsh--, [but] is that the only thing in the world that's not possible? Because when I sleep, my [penis] be out. ... DNA says it is [my child]. I don't know. ... If I did [have sex with her], I would remember. It ain't like she's a pretty girl."

The judge in the case awarded $1.5M to Monique which included $518,400 for compensatory damages and another $1M in punitive damages. I'm not sure how much money Earl has, but it has to be running out so Monique should hurry if she wants to try and get her money. If you are looking for Earl, look for a group of malnourished, mangy looking dogs and you will probably find him.

Diane Sawyer Can't Be Trusted

Two months ago Diane Sawyer decided to only throw Jennifer Lopez softball questions and didn't even ask if she were pregnant. Instead Diane Sawyer kissed Jennifer's ass and made a fool out of herself as a journalist. Now, Diane Sawyer decided to give Katie Holmes a free pass by not asking Katie any questions which might even really be considered real questions. There were no Andrew Morton questions, and absolutely no personal questions at all.

Good Morning America's producer fell on his sword but the fact is that Diane Sawyer "interviewed" Katie Holmes for eight minutes. The producer says he cut off the interview at that point because he didn't think it was going anywhere. Later, he changed his tune and said that Diane had wanted to keep going, and that it was the producer's fault for stopping it.

How much longer could the interview have gone? Go watch any of the morning shows or late night talk shows and see how many minutes of actual talk time they give each guest. Go ahead and put a stopwatch to it. If you want answers, you know you are going to have to get them quick.

I have a few theories as to why Diane Sawyer drops to her knees so quickly. The first is that Jennifer Lopez and Katie Holmes are both Scientologists. I don't think Diane Sawyer is, but you never know. Maybe her husband, Director Mike Nichols is a Scientologist or wants to be able to work with Tom or Jennifer or Katie in the future so Diane intentionally doesn't do anything to piss off and actor or actress or screenwriter she comes into contact with on the show. All I know is that this has got to stop. It has nothing to do with Scientology, or anything like that. I have been just as pissed off at Larry King for his interviews. These anchors try way too hard to become the friend of the celebrity and not hard enough at doing their actual job. Everyone wants to know what questions we want asked and answered and if you are too afraid for yourself, your job, your husband, your fame, or your associations, then let someone else do it.

If you want to see the GMA interview, click here.

Below is Katie's appearance on Letterman last night. I know I have posted her Batman interview a few times, but just wanted you to get an up close perspective of how she looked then and now.


Now



Then

NY Daily News Blind Item

Which acting legend in a current release once offered a national beauty queen a vial of cocaine during a daytime golf round? While the lady declined, he seemed not to realize his coke had been clogged with moisture and sticky globs fell out of his schnoz the rest of the afternoon.

Today's Blind Items

#1 This B list film actor from some all-time biggest hit films has a new mentor and daddy. And when I say daddy, it really could be a granddaddy. There is an almost 40 year age difference between the couple. Of course our actor keeps insisting he isn't gay.

#2 This A list actor's daughter was recently spotted by dad making out and groping some random guy in a corner of a bar. Dad went over and scared the guy off. Not to be outdone, the daughter got back at the dad by repeatedly walking up to him and crying whenever he was engaged in conversation with another woman.

Random Photos Part One

I love this photo of Alicia Keys winning an award Saturday night.
On the other hand, Justin Timberlake looks like the ass he is as he heads into a club.
Giuliana Rancic as she prefers to be called now. When the divorce happens in the next year or so, she will probably start referring to her ex as Rancid. Not like the group though, because unlike Rancic, they are actually cool.
Judging by the way Denise Richards is dressed, she thought the Boom Boom Room gifting suite was an entirely different kind of Boom Boom Room.
Chris Noth looks like he could be cleaning up some Boom Boom soon as Tara Wilson looks like she is ready to give birth at any moment.
Cameron Diaz reacts to the news that Botox can probably do something about those crows feet of hers.
I'm not exactly sure why Victoria Beckham even wore a top considering how many times she popped out of it.
Tori Spelling obviously thinks that as a blonde Lisa Loeb she could get some work.
Why people get divorced. The wife carries only a drink while the husband juggles 85 different items. As a bonus, the husband was forced to juggle the 85 items while the wife went to an entirely different store to get the drink she really wanted.
Melissa Joan Hart was another Boom Boom Room visitor, and another about to explode.
With no one interested in buying photos of her upcoming wedding, and the loss of her record deal, Katharine McPhee stocks up on freebies she can hock on E-Bay.

Like I Need Another Reason To Love Australia

If you thought the air seemed fresher in the US the past few days, and the sun just a little brighter, I don't think it is your imagination. It is actually due to the fact that Brandon Davis is not currently in the country, but is instead giving Australia some of his greasy kind of love.

Since his arrival into the country a few days ago, Brandon has been detained by Customs, (yay Customs), abandoned by his girlfriend at the airport (yay girlfriend), and ignored by the press (yay press). Brandon Davis is dating an Australian model named Cheyenne Tozzi and so he accompanied her to Australia and got an gent in Australia to try and take advantage of knowing her. He was hoping to get some gigs as party host or to sell some secrets to the tabloids, but so far he has got nothing. He makes himself available everyday at his hotel just in case someone wants to pay him a couple of bucks for anything. Hell, he will even take you back up to his room probably if you go for that kind of thing as long as there is some money involved. But, alas, for now, our greasy one was sitting in the hotel lobby and noticed some press coming his way. He started to sit up, and thought this was going to be his lucky day. Unfortunately they ignored him as did the 200 other reporters and photographers who walked within 2 feet of him as they paraded to a Kylie Minogue press conference in another part of the hotel. No one even bother to turn around. Thank You Australia. Just make sure you keep him, because we really don't want him back.

Jenna Jameson Retires From Porn

Over the weekend at the AVN Expo, 74 year old Jenna Jameson announced her retirement from porn. Yes, I know she is only 33 in actual, physical years on this earth, but calling her 74 is being generous. Jenna Jameson has not been hot for a very long time, and her addiction to plastic surgery has basically ruined and scarred and ravaged her body even more than 15 years of having sex with thousands of people each year.

Like any famous athlete who is well past their prime, Jenna had to announce her decision in front of the world. Since the world didn't want to come she just did in front of other porn stars and pervs. To view the announcement, watch the damn video below, and then go take the damn tour. The boos you hear in the audience are from doctors who have not had a chance to work their scalpel magic yet, and probably won't get a chance.

Jenna who was the star of such classics as Cum Dumpsters I, On Her Back, and Swallopalooza will best be remembered for, well nothing actually. She is a porn star. People were crying at this damn press conference like Jenna was the second coming or something. The only difference between Jenna and a hooker is that hookers aren't usually on film unless you are watching COPS.

You Don't Want To Mess With Bjork

You should know that anyone who has the guts to wear a swan outfit to the Academy Awards is probably not a woman you want to piss off. Of course if you don't think that, you can just look at the fact that she has been in trouble before for assault, and she drinks one liter of vodka each and every Friday whether she needs it or not. Her drinking the other days can be less or more, but on Fridays, she always drinks exactly one liter of vodka.

So with this knowledge in mind, a photographer from the New Zealand Herald should have expected the ass kicking he got from Bjork when she asked him to stop taking photos of her. Jeffrey ignored her and continued taking photos. He then made a fatal mistake. He turned his back. Never turn your back to a Bjork.

Here is what Jeffrey had to say about the incident. "I took a couple of pictures and I got about three or four frames of her... and as I turned and walked away she came up behind me, grabbed the back of my black skivvy [sweatshirt] and tore it down the back. I don't see being assaulted as I'm working as a press photographer as an acceptable thing. If anybody assaults anybody you have the right to a legal recourse, whoever they are."

With all that being said, Jeffrey says he is not going to press charges. The scene below is the 1996 beating Bjork gave to another reporter.

Would You Consider Sarah Michelle Gellar "A List"?

This weekend I gave a bunch of thought to the whole A list B list thing and how it really should be defined. In one post somewhere on the site is a way of defining A and B list television stars which makes everything cut and dry. Film though is so much more fluid. I know there are various definitions on this site and others, but what truly makes someone A list?

In my mind, A list is someone who can open a mainstream film all by themselves. When I say mainstream, I mean a film that opens in the 1000+ screen category. I think that is the one true measurement of whether someone is A list or not. The question should be, am I interested in going to see this movie because so and so is in it and I don't care what the movie is about. To me, there are many more male A listers than female A listers and to prove it, just go through any list of female or male actors in your mind and ask the question above. There are just not that many women who can open a film, or even given the opportunity to do so. Most people would say there are about 10 A list female stars. I say that is true, but that there are A list women within A list women.

In one of my blind items I called Kirsten Dunst A list because she was the female lead in several of the highest grossing films of all-time, and she has opened a mainstream film on her own. The problem is that when I stopped to think about it. Almost anyone could have played her role in Spiderman, so why should that give her A list status. Plus, Bring It On, was more of an ensemble film and she just happened to be top billed, but was she the reason everyone went to see the film? No, of course not. No one went "OMG, Kirsten Dunst has a new movie out, we have to go see it." Instead it went like this, "There is this really cool movie out right now and Kirsten Dunst is in it. We should go." There is a big difference.

So, then we get to my other beef with my own theory which is Sarah Michelle Gellar. I actually like SMG and she fits the criteria, except for one thing. Horror films should be excluded from the list. Most horror films have a female lead, but it is the story, not the actress that brings in the audience, and thus, although technically opening a film, they are not the reason the people are going to see the film. Yes, there are people who love SMG. I know this. But you have to be objective about it. I have also thrown Nicole Kidman into this mix now. The only film she has done which did well on its own with her name alone lately has been The Others which was a horror film. She is only making money because she is Tom Cruise's ex. She doesn't deserve A list status or money.

Here are the top ten highest paid actresses from 2007.

1. Reese Witherspoon
2. Angelina Jolie
3. Cameron Diaz
4. Nicole Kidman
5. Renee Zellweger
6. Sandra Bullock
7. Julia Roberts
8. Drew Barrymore
9. Jodie Foster
10. Halle Berry

If you have a franchise, then you are automatically A list, so Reese, Angelina, Renee, and Sandra automatically move on. (for now)

Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore have a franchise, but it is not on their own. Drew however is so A list it isn't even funny and can't believe she is only the 8th highest paid actress. She needs a new agent. Cameron Diaz is someone who will drop from the A list eventually, but people will go see a film solely based on whether she is in it. Julia Roberts is Julia Roberts and so will always be A list. Jodie Foster is in the same category as Cameron Diaz. The only difference is Jodie has been A list for much longer and has probably achieved A list status permanently. Halle Berry is almost there. If she had a franchise like Cameron does, she would be a shoe in. As it is though, she is right on the edge every year of A list B list.

So now you know.

Daily Mirror Blind Item

Which singer has banned his girlfriend from mixing with a notorious model for fear she will cheat on him?

Just the thought of losing her to another man is enough to turn him blue.

Joaquin Phoenix - Nylon Guys Magazine

This is one hell of a pricey magazine and Joaquin Phoenix's scar still freaks me the hell out. How's that for commentary. I know, I know. You want your porn with no talking. I get it. Enjoy.

In Case You Are Bored Today

As I was clicking around looking for something to write about, I clicked on to TMZ and saw they had to streaming cams running to try and capture Britney Spears if she shows up for court today. I don't really care whether she does or not, because she isn't going to get the kids anyway. But, I thought everyone might like to see the parade of people, so you can click here. There is even sound which is kind of cool, and definitely uncensored. I get addicted to watching these things, and I know there are lots and lots of sites that list every possible live cam out there, but in the comments section, if you have a favorite one, post the link so we can all kill time today waiting for the clock to strike 5.

Want to Kill A Friend And Almost Kill Your Wife? Have A Drink And Then Drive

Roger Avary is the latest celebrity to decide he would rather kill someone than to take a cab after having too much to drink. In this latest incident, the Academy Award winning screenwriter of Pulp Fiction was arrested Sunday on suspicion of vehicular manslaughter and felony drunken driving after a car accident in the Ojai area in which another man was killed and Avary's wife was injured.

The other man killed was a passenger in the car named Andreas Zini who was visiting Avary from Italy. Welcome to America Andreas. Oh, in the backseat was Avary's wife who was completely thrown from the car. The only reason she is still alive is that she was thrown so far out of the car that she landed on the grassy shoulder on the side of the road. If she had hit the cement she would have been dead also.

Luckily Avary's car was the only car involved in the accident. Otherwise he could have tried to add to his death total. I mean that must have been what he wanted when he allegedly drove under the influence right? Why else would you do it? To show you are a man and tough to your Italian friend? To not lose face in front of your wife? Too proud to admit you were allegedly drunk? Of course you could go the whole Hulk Hogan route and blame it on the fact that neither passenger was wearing a seatbelt. Can't wait to hear what you told your wife, and what you say at the funeral. Oh, you probably won't show up will you? Maybe you will be off in a bar drinking, and then can take a little drive home afterwards.

Golden Globe Winners

As you can see, there are hundreds and hundreds of photos her of all the big winners, the red carpet dresses and accidents. There is Ryan Seacrest being embarrassed again by Angelina Jolie as she mentions his 20 percent body fat and he goes to a corner to have a good cry. Hope you enjoyed all the glitz and glamor, and here are the winners. 31 minutes from start to finish is how long it took to announce the winners. Just remember that the Academy Awards has fewer awards, but takes over four hours to televise. That is a lot of fluff.

65th Golden Globe Award Winners

Hollywood Foreign Press Association
2008 Golden Globe Award Winners
for the year ended December 31, 2007


BEST MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA

ATONEMENT

Working Title Films Limited; Focus Features

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA

JULIE CHRISTIE

Away From Her

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA

DANIEL DAY-LEWIS

There Will Be Blood

BEST MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

SWEENEY TODD: THE DEMON BARBER OF FLEET STREET

Parkes/MacDonald and Zanuck Company; DreamWorks/Paramount Distribution /
Warner Bros. Pictures

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

MARION COTILLARD

La Vie En Rose

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

JOHNNY DEPP

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM

RATATOUILLE

Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures; Pixar Animation Studios

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM

THE DIVING BELL AND THE BUTTERFLY – FRANCE AND USA

A Kennedy/Marshall Company and Jon Kilik Production; Miramax

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE

CATE BLANCHETT

I’m Not There

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE

JAVIER BARDEM

No Country for Old Men

BEST DIRECTOR – MOTION PICTURE

JULIAN SCHNABEL

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

BEST SCREENPLAY – MOTION PICTURE

ETHAN COEN & JOEL COEN

No Country for Old Men

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE – MOTION PICTURE

DARIO MARIANELLI

Atonement

BEST ORIGINAL SONG – MOTION PICTURE

“GUARANTEED” — INTO THE WILD

Music & Lyrics by: Eddie Vedder

BEST TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA

MAD MEN

Lionsgate; AMC

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA

GLENN CLOSE

Damages

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA

JON HAMM

Mad Men

BEST TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

EXTRAS

BBC and HBO Entertainment; HBO

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

TINA FEY

30 Rock

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

DAVID DUCHOVNY

Californication

BEST MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

LONGFORD

A Granada Production in association with Channel 4 and HBO Films; HBO

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

QUEEN LATIFAH

Life Support

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

JIM BROADBENT

Longford

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

SAMANTHA MORTON

Longford

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

JEREMY PIVEN

Entourage

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Jessica Simpson Destroys Another Career And The Hopes And Dreams Of Millions

I think Jessica Simpson envisioned herself going to Dallas Cowboys games and cheering on her man in much the same way that Eva Longoria cheers on Tony Parker. She must have seen Eva always being shown on camera at games and how she it was nothing but a positive for her. So when Pimpa told Jessica that he had pimped her out to Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo for a few months or until the money ran out, she was probably thrilled.

What Jessica forgot though is that everything she touches turns to dust, while everything Eva touches turns to gold, or at least shines for awhile before turning green. The main difference is that Jessica Simpson is just bad luck, a jinx, or whatever else you want to call it, while Eva Longoria is one of Satan's minions so she has that going for her. I mean how else do you explain the hit television show and boy toy who makes millions. Satan of course. I mean it's obvious. I don't really mind though because I'm a Spurs fan. So Eva could be off sacrificing chickens on Tony Parker's head. I don't really care as long as it gets the team where I want it.

Jessica on the other hand destroys everything she touches. Jessica touched and destroyed her marriage. She destroyed a film career, not only for herself but for several people who have been in films with her. Since appearing with Jessica, most of the people she co-starred with have had nothing but lukewarm films or even bombs. Jessica destroyed not only her own singing career but that of Nick Lachey. It was only after he got rid of her that he had any success at all again. Jessica touched John Mayer and he couldn't get it up again for three months. Jessica touched Bam Margera and shortly thereafter his uncle got thrown in the clink for assaulting teenagers. She touched Johnny Knoxville and within six months he got divorced. Jessica even touched her sister Ashlee on the night everything went to hell on Saturday Night Live. As people burn Jessica Simpson CD's in the streets of Dallas and her image is burned in effigy, she may seriously want to reconsider this whole "reconnecting" with Texas thing she has been trying, because honestly, they don't want her anymore. I don't think anyone wants her anymore actually.

NY Daily News Blind Item

Which candidate's daughter recently went on a date with an ardent Ron Paul supporter? "The date became all about him trying to convince her about Paul," laughs a friend. Finally, she said, "You know my dad's running for President. You're not going to change my mind!"?