Full Frontal Friday will be later this afternoon. I appreciate everyone sending in photos so this should be a huge edition.
#1 So there is this sports bar at Times Square and it is Super Bowl Sunday. At this bar you had to buy tables in order to get in (for the game), but this regular person talked herself in anyway and hung out at the bar. There ended up being an empty table, so she approached the guy who "owned" it. (B- list film and television actor who used to be A list back in the late 70's early 1980's) She said from out of town and it's my birthday and I was wondering if I could buy the table from you if you're not using it. The guy looks over and says no problem, I don't need it but you'll have to arrange it at the bar. The woman says thank you so much, you're so great etc - can I tell the waitress your name? Guy stops and says You don't know who I am? She says no. He says just for that you can't have it, Fuck off...turns his back and that was that. No table. She ended up getting drunk at the bar and calling him an asshole every time he walked by to get to the bathroom.
#2 When the wives are out of town, things happen. So what happens when a married socialite who everyone knows gets drunk with a married B list film actress and model. Well turns out that they both liked the same guy they found at the bar in the hotel where they were getting drunk. Instead of fighting over him, they decided to share him for the entire night. And when I mean share, I mean share as in everyone gets naked and shares, not sharing like holding hands sharing.
#3 This foreign born A list actress in her own country and probably C list here in the US. English is not her first language and her only chance at an American film came as a result of her first language. The film was a blockbuster. She wanted to go to LA as she got lots of offers after that first film, but her boyfriend wouldn't let her. He has become so controlling and so jealous of her career that she is not allowed to own a cell phone, and he goes with her everywhere. No one understands why she stays with him, but she doesn't allow anyone to speak bad about him. Of course he has alienated most of her friends anyway.
#4 This new mom who happens to be a B+ film actress shouldn't be counting on the father for the support. He is already choosing from a group of actresses and models and deciding who will get to be with him next. Lets just hope they don't get pregnant also.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Full Frontal Friday will be later this afternoon. I appreciate everyone sending in photos so this should be a huge edition.
For some reason since I saw all those Dirt episodes I have been on a Courteney Cox is cool phase. Are those new breasts?
Angela Kinsey is always cool, and very, very pregnant.
I think that Fuck and Off are probably James Franco's favorite two words in the English language.
Joe Cole is my obscure foreign person of the day.
I cannot wait to hear Jessica Biel's British accent.
Him - Amsterdam
Sometimes Eva Longoria makes it too easy.
I have to give Mandy Moore some credit here. She had just got off a flight from Los Angeles to Sydney and she stopped and took photographs with each and every person who came up to her, so I can forgive her if she didn't smile brightly for each person.
Except for the cankles, I have to say that Mischa Barton is having a very good week in the not fug department.
Wow. I love the book, but I'm thinking that perhaps the two years of celibacy Kathleen Turner was not really as much of a one way decision as we were all led to believe.
Don't you just love when you have two vices so important to you that you can't choose between the two so you do them both.
At first I thought this was the lead singer from The Commitments. Kelly Clarkson does have nicer teeth though.
I don't really have anything to say about Zac Efron except that they are filming this movie at the Gaiety Theatre.
Wyclef Jean with the new look. I like it.
The Vivians - London
I guess having the Queen open your store is better than having Jerry Mathers.
I must be in a good mood because I think Mena Suvari actually looks good here. Her boyfriend looks 12, but she looks good.
I have a problem with Sharen Turney. Who you ask is Sharen Turney? She is the woman who is the Chief Executive of Victoria's Secret and she thinks her company is too sexy. Ummm. Lingerie is supposed to be sexy. That's the point. And last I checked your sexiness has turned into lots and lots of sales and a brand known the world over. Hell, women use the bags to carry their lunch in. I really hate that by the way. Not the fact that women carry things other than their purchases in their bags, but when I see one, I am always trying to figure out what they could possibly have bought, and to be fair, there are times when I have seen someone and said, "oh dear God, please don't let that woman have bought a thong."
I'm guessing Sharen wants to get back to the glory days of Sears catalogs and JC Penney Sunday inserts. For those men who really don't remember a time before VS catalogs, videotapes, or the internet, let me tell you what life was like when you were a teenager and looking for a little porn for yourself.
Basically you could hope that someone in your family had some hidden magazines in the house or that one of your close friends would lend you one of his. If that didn't work you could always use your imagination, but that doesn't work well if you haven't actually been with someone. You could go through all the Sidney Sheldon books your mom had around the house or if you were lucky a copy of the Thorn Birds or some other author who would throw in a sex scene now and then. If you were too lazy for any of that though there were the women in the the catalogs and the Sunday inserts who were attractive enough to be sure, but were wearing bras and panties that were more akin to body armor than anything sexy.
Back in 1977 Roy Raymond realized this was a problem and started Victoria's Secret. Yes, I know he started it because he was embarrassed to shop for his wife at most lingerie stores, but I also like to think he started the company because he had a vision. A vision that one day his models would be dressed in heels and lingerie and shipped for free to every home in this great country so teenage boys would not suffer the shame of trying to make out a breast on a scrambled television, but instead show them from an early age what was unattainable, but to at least have a dream.
That dream has made lots and lots of people rich and famous, and lots of acne scarred youngsters easy access to soft porn.
At last night's NME Awards which are the UK's version of the Billboard Awards, but better, Alexa Chung and her boyfriend Alex Turner lead singer for The Arctic Monkeys were making out by a set of elevators. When I say making out, I mean that if there was no one else around they probably would have gone ahead and just did it right there. They are all over each other, when Alexa, overcome by "food poisoning" became violently ill all over Alex's shoes. Apparently he must have had some warning, although since they had their tongues down each other's throats I hesitate to even think what could have been his warning. One second they are full on, and the next thing that happened is that Alex jumped back and only got his feet soiled.
All of this took place about a minute before the group was supposed to perform. Instead of just leaving his girlfriend to deal with the mess herself, Alex took her to the bathroom, held her hair for her so she could finish puking, and then cleaned her up as best you can when you have puked all over yourself, and then went and performed while Alexa went home and called it a night.
THE OTHER BOLEYN GIRL
Release Date: 2/29/08
The Story: Sisters Anne (NatPo) and Mary (ScarJo) Boleyn seduce King Henry VIII (ErBan), and plot to give him his male heir.When it ended, I turned to darling boyfriend and said that even the costumes were bad. He said, “I’d probably had enjoyed it more if I weren’t so tired.” I disagreed, even my 60 oz of Cherry Coke barely kept me in it. Apparently I wasn’t alone, there was one sole clapper in the audience – and it was half-hearted. I live in Minnesota, land of the clap; where we clap at even mediocre things on stage, and we clap at the movies.
I haven’t written a scathing review in awhile, because it’s mean. There’s usually something to like. Hmm… I think Eric Bana looks hot with a beard and a full head of hair. There. I said something nice.Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson had decent British accents. Ok, there are two things.
The colors were lush and gorgeous, kudos to the cinematographer. All hail the cinematographer for keeping this movie alive. That and they showed Scarlett looking very plain-jane more than half the time, and it made me think about how pretty plain can be. Ok. That’s all I liked about it.
I have problems with movies where people are conniving with no redeeming qualities: meet Anne Boleyn. (I like movies where people are conniving, and are intelligent and/or charming: go see Dirty Rotten Scoundrels). I have problems with characters who in a serious drama are so completely stupid and idealistic that they are saps: meet Mary Boleyn. I hate watching women tear each other down. I guess that comes to the heart of my problems with the story of this. I didn’t like the characters, and I hate backstabbing. I didn’t want either of them to succeed, and kinda hoped Anne would lose her head a little sooner.
So the costumes: This is the one thing you can always look forward to in a period piece, look at the lush costumes. The things that weren’t stolen directly from paintings (again, thank you cinematographer for lighting them exactly right), were full of really bad and modern patterns which looked out of place and were distracting. Even Elizabeth: The Golden Age had good costumes (and that was a crummy movie, too).
I guess I feel bad about Eric Bana. He’s a good looking dude, a good actor, and by all accounts a nice person. He just hasn’t had a hit movie in awhile, and this will probably flop, too. He’s only in this movie maybe 30 of the 120 minutes. And has less than 5 lines per scene, and not in the pensive Clive Owen way.
What it’s worth: I’m gonna go with 50 cents. It’s pretty to watch, but other than catching it between flipping channels I could have gone without seeing it. It’s a romance novel about women being cruel to each other. I didn’t read the book, so I don’t know how much was from it. My guess is, I probably wouldn’t have liked the book either.
I hate when stars try to rationalize bad behavior, use every excuse in the world, and blame everyone but themselves. Shia LaBeouf, in an interview with the UK magazine Empire talked about his arrest last year and took all the blame which I wish everyone else would also do.
"That was complete and utter insanity. I was an asshole, and it was a mistake I'm still completely embarrassed about.
"I was in the middle of a strange mind state, having just come off a three-month window of focus. I can't diminish what happened at all. But I can say this: I'm not the first 21-year-old to be arrested for a misdemeanor.
There are lessons in life I need to learn, and I'm learning all of them in front of the public".
Most celebrities would have just gone with the middle paragraph and probably also added the last sentence as well. There just are not very many who would admit to the world they acted like an asshole. Everyone probably acts like an ass at some point. I don't have a problem with someone acting like an ass once, as long as they also own up to the fact they were one.
Too often a celebrity hems and haws and throws out crap that their publicist thinks will spin it the best way. Then, as a result they come off appearing like they really don't care about what they did, and are just trying to skate by. When someone takes the Shia approach, you just confront it, admit your mistake, move on, and people forget. When you start spinning, then you have to keep spinning and then the story stays front and center longer.
When you have two cheaters in a marriage maybe the couple should not have got married in the first place. In the newest edition of the National Enquirer they allege that what was once an open marriage between Pink and Carey quickly went downhill when she began hiding all of the women she was dating, and that led to confrontations and Carey going off and not telling Pink when he was with other women.
Seems to me that since both liked women so much, why not just have one big house with a whole bunch of bisexual women to choose from each night. Carey and Pink could have walked around the house in pajamas like Hef and talked to each other in mock British accents as they chose their companion for the evening. Everything out in the open, and everyone is happy.
Instead, according to the Enquirer, Pink was out almost every night for the past six months with different women, and Carey wasn't much better. Although they did love each other, it seems they were both happier being with other people and they split.
The Enquirer goes on to list a bunch of women that Pink hung out with and all the gay clubs she hangs out in almost nightly. I guess Carey was more discreet because all they ever say is that he was a womanizer. I love that word. It is kind of like martinizing.
When you read as much gossip as I do to find something to comment on, most of the time you realize when something is a piece of crap. I say most of the time, because even I screw up and talk about something that has already been debunked or whatever. It happens. There is so much crap out there that you can't read it all, and so it is not uncommon to see some site writing about an event that took place a few weeks ago because they just didn't see it the first time.
Anyway, OK! must have been really desperate for filler this week because they wrote a story that makes absolutely no sense on any kind of level. The article is about Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson. The gist of the article says that while in Hawaii, Tony said that his ex-girlfriend Carrie Underwood was a better singer than Jessica and that he thought that Jessica's new country CD would bomb.
First of all, I'm not sure that Tony and Carrie ever dated. She says no, but then again she is the wicked witch so who really knows. Maybe he just screwed her and so that doesn't really count as dating does it? Let us pretend for a second that Jessica and Tony are just a regular couple. I know that as a member of the male gender that we can be a bit dense about relationships. However, if you have been in at least two relationships, you know from very painful experience that if you have to mention an ex-girlfriend, and I advise all men to really think through whether you should mention them at all. However, if you do mention them, you do so very sparingly, and you speak of them in positive terms even if you poke pins into a doll of her image nightly. The most important thing though is to never, ever, never say the ex was better than the current girlfriend in any form. You just don't do it and every guy knows this. Every guy knows the surest way to misery is to say the ex was better at something. I don't care if the ex was better at everything, you just don't verbalize it.
Tony has been in a relationship or two in his life, and I know as a guy he wouldn't say Carrie is a better singer. Also, unless he really loves fighting, there is no way he would say Jessica's CD is going to bomb. Why would he? Even if he thinks that, just say it will do great. She doesn't want his honest opinion about it, she wants affirmation. She has her dad and producers and everyone else in the business to give her honest opinions. So, to me the story is a bunch of crap and just a way for OK! to take some digs at what we all know will be an awful album and the fact that Carrie Underwood despite my loathing of her is a much better singer than Jessica Simpson.
And in a side note. I just found this photo above which I guess was taken last night. Is it possible that your teeth never stop growing because hers are getting larger I think. Click on the picture and make it bigger. Maybe her lip injections have reduced or something, but the teeth look huge.
So, I know we aren't really talking about one daughter in the Spears family, but you have to admit that the relatives on both sides of that very narrow family tree are hilarious. They all speak their mind, and are willing to speak it to anyone who waves a wad of cash or a microphone in front of their face. The latest relative to speak out is Uncle Willy. I actually think Uncle Willy may have opened his mouth before, but there are so many relatives it is tough to keep them straight.
Uncle Willy who is Jamie Spears' brother actually lives in a van down by the river. Seriously. I don't know if he gives inspirational speeches, but I love the fact that there is someone who does actually live in a van, down by the river.
Willy told the world yesterday that it is fitting that Jamie Lynn Spears' pregnancy is an accident (although I'm not sure it was an accident at least on the part of one of the participants) because Jamie Lynn herself was an accident. So, if you are reading this for the first time Jamie Lynn, you may want to stop, because it gets even better. Uncle Willy said that Jamie Spears went into a rage, and for the entire pregnancy accused Lynne of cheating because Jamie had a vasectomy after Britney. I think now we all know why.
It was not until there was a DNA test after the birth that Jamie finally acknowledged paternity of the child. Seems like we might have that same kind of situation very soon. Unfortunately we won't be able to get our own DNA test of Jamie Lynn's child, so when they tell us who the baby daddy is, we will just have to baaa like sheep and say ok. At some point though, the truth will come out, so they better be upfront and honest about it from the beginning, because if the truth comes out when the kid is 4 or 5, and they find out the person they have been calling daddy isn't really daddy, then we will have another generation of messed up Spears kids.
NEVER BACK DOWN
Release Date: 2/29/08
What’s the Story: I’m sure the pitch line was “Karate Kid meets Fight Club.” (In going to the website, that’s exactly how it’s described.) Troubled teen (Sean Faris) moves to Florida with family (mom is Leslie Hope from “24” with a bad blonde dye-job), sans dad who died after drinking and driving. Comes across underground fighting scene, gets beat down, and meets his sensei (Djimon Hounsou), girlfriend, and sidekick who all give him conflicted motivations.
I think I’ll just grab some photos, and give you the eye candy. That’s what I enjoyed about the movie the most.
Sorry I couldn’t find any screen shots from the movie of Djimon other than his face, so here’s his CK ad, enjoy.
I was entertained, for the most part. It has zero depth like Karate Kid, but it’s about as entertaining. The fight sequences were well done, and appropriately bloody. Someone got to play with some special effects in the final showdown (look for x-ray flashes on the bare chests), but otherwise they’re realistic as far as action movies go.
It is good for getting your wound down if you’re feeling punchy. I wouldn’t put it quite up there with singing along with Nine Inch Nails’ The Downward Spiral for letting out my aggression, but I did feel remarkably calm after the movie.
It’ll hold up about as well as Karate Kid, so you probably won’t be watching this one in twenty years either.
What it’s worth: $2.50. Catch it when it airs on cable, or rent it from a Redbox. I probably wouldn’t have seen it if I had to pay for it (I think of it playing to the same market as Step-Up 2: The Streets, which is already in theaters). I can see spending a lazy afternoon cleaning the house with this popping in and out from between commercials.
What did we say last week, that H-town’s full of nervous Nellies too ‘fraid to come outta the closet? Yep, that’s what we declared. And now, darlings, we’ve got Chumpy "Shepp" Impaled to prove it. Poor thing, he just doesn’t have any idea whatsoever he’s helping us with our little goss class project. Too bad.
Now, Chumpy’s not predictably handsome, but he is—we assure you—wholly doable in the sack (not that many folks would know, really). Terribly shy and certainly not out, this lad is. Kinda dorky, too. But like, girlfriends, when you nuzzle that boy’s neck and work the tasty dough down below just right, this baby’s slightly pudgy cookies are yours for the taking, trust!
Case in point: A terribly untrustworthy journalist, who shall remain nameless in this already anon tally of salaciousness, befriended CSI at a fairly small but awfully popular Hell-Ay gym. Chump-babe and the journo—let’s call him Schlong Wad, just for good measure—befriended each other in—get this—the showers. How romantic, eh? Let’s leave the dropped-soap analogies (they’re unnecessary, just read on) and mosey on over to the most fascinating fact. It’s that Chumpy, known for his lovable character work on the boob-tube, had never before had sex with a dude, though he’d always been curious. Oh, who the hell isn’t? (Shut up right now, B. Pitt, we so know you are.)
Next thing ya know, Schlong’s workin’ overtime with the compliments on Red’s many talents, which are, to be true, average. What a fabulous actor! How handsome! Such a gorgeous smile! All this poopy-cock that you chicks have been seein’ through for centuries, but Chump nevertheless totally bit, pickup line and sinker.
Right into S.W.’s Hollywood Hills digs and onto Mr. Wad’s mattress, which is precisely where Chumpy found out what it’s like to be the pea in Wad’s pod. Ouch! But Yum-O, declared Chumpy, like some sort of Rachael Ray orgasmic new naughty discovery. Such the shame that Wad, prick he be, is busy telling everybody he can.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
#1 Sometimes a bad habit is a tough thing to shake. Sometimes an old relationship can be too. This television actress/model who has a very well known face, but is probably just a C+ when it comes to her spot on the list had one of the oddest relationships on record with a B list television actor. Over that she moved on and found something normal and stable with a movie industry professional. Despite her apparent happiness and public loathing of her ex, she was spotted not too long ago leaving the house of her ex at about 5am. Now, I guess she could have been there to just drop him off some breakfast, but that is a big long shot.
#2 This one is good and really bizarre, but you will need to put your thinking cap on for this one. We have a foreign born C+ film actress who once was B+. I say once, but she is not that old. In fact she is fairly young, but has already had a long career. Only one television appearance that I know of. All the rest is film. Oh, did I mention gorgeous? OK, she is the instigator for a live in 3some for a recent film she did. When I say live in, I mean these 3 all shared one place during filming including one bed. There was one other actress who was almost twice as old as our foreign born actress. The aging actress was never A list, but has always been right on the edge for her entire career. Known to be a little crazy, but always sexy, and 95% of the time in film roles. The third member of our 3some is a B+ list film actor who is good looking and talented enough to be A list, but because of personal problems, just never has quite got to A list. He generally plays the lead in smaller films, and is always the 2nd billed male in bigger films. Since filming ended, our actor tried to hookup with our foreign born actress but she told him she only dates people she works with. At least she is honest about it.
Now how much exactly do you think Motorola is paying David Beckham to stand up on that stage and pretend he is going to use that phone? Enough to pay for that suit which is in my top 5 suits of the year so far.
Santana - Sydney
Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer pay tribute to Katie Holmes. Most of the time when I think of Jon Cryer I think Pretty in Pink, but I have to say that my two favorite roles for him would be the movie Hiding Out, and as the star of one of my all-time favorite shows, The Famous Teddy Z.
Whenever I see Graham Norton, I am thankful for BBC America.
You don't suppose that Mickey Rourke has asked Evan Rachel Wood that if she is willing to sleep with Marilyn Manson, how come she won't sleep with Mickey.
The pervert in me is ecstatic that Elle MacPherson is willing to wear this outfit and not be shy about it.
This is a good looking couple. Esai Morales and Valerie Cruz.
Delia Smith was signing copies of her new book, "How To Cheat At Cooking." I'm looking at the cover carefully, but I don't see Jessica Seinfeld anywhere.
Do the eyes on Katie Holmes' outfit freak the hell out of anyone besides me?
Stop the damn presses. Julia Roberts is smiling at a pap.
Congratulations to James Marsden for being honored at the Tourette Syndrome Champion of Children Awards here in LA last night. Keith Collins, one of my best friends, is standing next to him, and does more than anyone I know to try and raise awareness and money for Tourettes.
You know Jemima. No one made you stand there and take a photo, so if you don't want to, then don't. The Gift is something very important, and if you can't even toss in a smile, then don't bother coming next time.
As much time as Bill Cosby spends promoting Temple University, the least the school could do for him is to send him a shirt that fits.
Vivica Fox just doesn't look very friendly does she? I mean, I know she isn't, but she just looks mean too.
Rihanna - Dublin
When Mariah Carey actually wears some clothes she can look almost pretty.
Late Of The Pier - London
If you didn't know this was Lindsay Lohan, how many of you would guess this woman was working the streets?
With all the talk today about Lindsay Lohan being offered a Playboy shoot, you may have missed the fact that KT Tunstall has decided that she is willing to pose nude for a photoshoot as long as one condition is met. The condition is the magazine needs to airbrush the hell out of her because she doesn't think she looks perfect.
KT should probably know that Playboy will have to use a team of computer experts to have Lindsay Lohan look good, while some guy with an iPhone could probably make KT look good.
KT has been asked numerous times by magazines including Playboy to pose nude, but has always declined.
"I've said in the past that I wouldn't (pose naked) but I would. I'm not a model and I don't have the body of a model, so it would have to be done in context. "But it is amazing what can be done with photography these days."
I agree, and I think that instead of subjecting the world to more Lindsay Lohan freckles in another slam to the memory of Marilyn Monroe, Playboy should instead concentrate on someone who everyone will want to see, wasn't just naked two weeks ago, and doesn't wear leggings as far as I know. Plus she's Scottish. Put her and James McAvoy in the same room and see if you understand a damn thing they talk about. I so don't want to see Lindsay in Playboy and have to talk about it and post the photos and listen to her dad say how he won't look at them and despite what we all may think that he doesn't fantasize about her.
I don't need the followup stories about how Ali is counting down the days until she can get naked and is thinking of moving to Europe so she can pose naked sooner, and how Dina is going along with her to do her hair and makeup for the under 18 naked photo shoot, and that the next thing you know Dina also got naked to earn a few extra bucks.
So, all you have to do Playboy is use KT instead of Lindsay.