Full Frontal Friday

Yes, it is that time again. It is hard to believe there is this much celebrity d**k out there, but there is. This week's edition also examines some photoshopped fakes so you won't be fooled in the future when someone tries to pass off fake d**k as the real thing. I also wanted to let you in on a little something for July 4th. Not only is it mass reveal day, but, since it is a Friday, I am doing something ummm, big, yes, that's a good word for FFF. As always if you are under the age of 18, you really shouldn't be looking. I know you will, but you shouldn't. To see all the fun, click here.

Four For Friday - Old Hollywood Style

It has been awhile since I did one from old Hollywood so I thought I would do one here and then reveal it in the mass reveals. That way, you don't have to wait very long to see the answer. The answer is out there to be found by the way. Most of it. There is one new twist.



Four people involved in this. #1 and #2 were actors who made their fame in films, but both got their only real serious award nomination for television. Any movie lover will know who #2 is. #1, maybe not. #3 was an actress but gave it up when she married #1. Eventually she married #2 as well although the marriage to #2 was as a cover for #2 being gay. The twist to this story involves #4. #4 was an actor who also married into a really wild family. Everyone will know #4. #4 also tended to go both ways as well which must have made it fun when prior to #4's marriage, #1,#2,#3 and #4 used to periodically share one bed.

Random Photos Part One - With A Reader Photo

A few things here. First, there are no hats today. I know, I know. There were more hat photos available, including royal hats, but after awhile they all start to look the same. Except of course for the woman who had the blue cheese on her hat. That was unique. For those of you who think I dislike the Spanish Royal couple, you could not be more wrong. They completely fascinate me with how they work completely in tandem at all things. For those of you who added me to your Facebook, I am adding everyone as quickly as I can. Finally, there are several daytime stars in this week's photos. Some I know, and some I don't. With all of that being said, there are a bunch of photos and a movie review within the photos.



Abigail Breslin gets the top spot because, hey she brought the best looking date to the premiere. Yes, Julia Roberts is a producer on the film, but Abigail was the one smart enough to get her photo taken with Julia and end up in all the tabloids.

Anne Murray was a close second. I don't know what the hell you Canadians drink but this woman hasn't aged in like 30 years.
Speaking of drinking. This is Alfredo Palacias. He is the top film stylist in all of Mexico. To me he kind of looks like a gay Robert Evans with Melanie Griffith lip collagen injections.
The sickening good looking couple of the day award goes to Brandon Beemer and Nadia Bjorlin. Damn I wish I hadn't already used a Zoolander joke today. Damn you Mugatu.
I have always thought of Bernie Williams as a baseball player. I couldn't understand what he was doing at this songwriters award banquet last night.
Now I know.
Boyz II Men - New York
OK, now I posted another photo of the group because I have a rule that says no snark in band photos. Just the facts. However, there are just too many good ones to let this go completely. Shouldn't the band think about changing their name to Men II Seniorz? I think they are singing their new song, "If NKOTB can make some dough we can too."
The Barron Hilton checklist. DUI arrest? Check. Walks likes Paris? Check. Big ass feet like Paris? Check.
This is the cast from the new film Donkey Punch. Supposed to be great.

I thought it was a massage chair, but it looks like Don Diamont is getting ready for a prostate exam.
Danny Aiello. Love him.
Who would have ever guessed in a million years that Cameron Mathison enjoyed beauty products?

Why do I love Jane Krakowski so much?

I do love Joan Jett as well. Love her. You hear that Cari?
Gorden Ramsay was in Australia to do some promotional work. In case you haven't been keeping up there has been a big flap in Australia about Gordon and his swearing. So, in good fun, he was given this swear jar.
Which he promptly dropped. Let the swearing begin.
One daytime star I know is Finola Hughes. I used to have the biggest crush on her.


That's why you get the ladies Jack Wagner.

So another photo of our boy named Goo. Hey Goo Goo Dolls fan club. Not every photo is perfect. I post the ones I got. Hopefully you like this one better.
John Maybury is a hell of a director and has got a great sense of humor.
James McAvoy took about 1,000 photos yesterday doing press for Wanted and the premiere. There are about 20 in the 1,000 where he is smiling. Anyway, here is a mini-review of "Wanted" from our very own Mooshki.

Mini-review: It was a lot funnier than I expected. The first few minutes are straight out of "Office Space." I think this movie is going to move James McAvoy onto many people's hottie list. (I know he was already there for some of you!) Angelina was the usual Angelina - goddess-like but way too thin. Morgan Freeman was also his usual god-like self. The supporting cast was great. (I love Terence Stamp!) Some of the plot turns you could see coming a mile away, but some were surprising. It was very fast-paced - they stuck to the action instead of getting bogged down in motives or backstory. (That's what I want in this kind of movie.) There were parts where you could clearly see the comic book roots, but there were only a couple of hokey moments. Also, a couple of "Star Wars" shout-outs, which were fun. Angelina gets naked, which seemed to really be a plus to the guys in the audience. ;) (Full back nudity.) Warning: it is fairly violent. I'd happily pay$15.00 to see it.
John Legend just always looks cool. Always.
I love Loretta Lynn.

So, here is Lindsay Lohan on the set of her new film. I can imagine the conversation she had with producers, the director and the wardrobe person that in fact her character would wear leggings. And, oh, guess what, the production can buy them from this great place for just $5000 a pair.
Another daytimer I am familiar with. Kirsten Storms which is like the greatest name ever. Besides soaps she has done Kim Possible.
I don't think Kristin Hager has been in the photos before. The reason I put her in today though was I think this is just an amazing photo of the red carpet.
Looks like Kristen Bell just got a big whiff of Dax's pit.
I know it's a Jameson party and all, but that isn't Morgan Spurlock's wife.

Matt Morris - New York
I have no idea who Michael Easton is or if he is gay. Didn't read his IMDB. He could have a wife and four kids, but if he isn't gay, then he needs to make a change.
I have to say that if Minnie Driver wanted to be wife #7, I would probably go for it.
When is the last time you saw Lori Petty? Well here she is.
Rihanna - New York

Ooops. There was one hat photo. I couldn't resist. There are about ten photos of this kid playing with the hat at Ascot. That kind of smile doesn't last long.
Want a good drinking game? Go back to the first years of SNL and take a drink whenever Paul comes on the screen.
Happy 65th birthday Paula.
Natasha Bedingfield looking fabulous.
First timer Thomas Kretschmann. Brought his A game though. Nice sock.

Teri Garr doing something very familiar. Heading into Dave's show.
Where the hell have you been Siouxsie Sioux?
This is a really good photo of Sherri Shepherd.
Our lovely reader photo of the day. That is Bonnaroo. Notice the I hate Kanye posters everywhere. Oh, maybe I'm the only one who sees them.

Wallace Shawn always cracks me up.

The best name of the day goes to Van Hansis.
Where the hell have you been Twiggy?
Would you believe these are Will Smith's kids? They are.
One of the best. Terrence Stamp.

Daily Mirror Blind Item

Which Hollywood siren was caught, er, powdering her nose a little too often at a glittering event? The babe in question raised quite a few eyebrows by spilling powder on her dress...

No More Free Food For Paula

In case you were wondering why Paula Abdul was looking much more thin lately it is because the restaurant dude who was living with her moved out. I don't know what possessed him to move in with her to begin with unless he had just been kicked out of his parent's place and needed somewhere else to stay for free for awhile.

I mean she was probably so blitzed half the time he could have been living there with six other people and convinced Paula that it was just a rehearsal for Idol. She would have mumbled, slipped on her dog and just fallen back to sleep right where she fell.

Paula is of course now, ahem 46, and still wants to have a few children. I know, I know, and I'm not a biology expert, but I'm guessing she would have to adopt and hopefully there aren't any countries that are stupid enough to give her a kid. Just give her a doll that makes noises and she probably won't notice the difference.

She can bring it to Idol with her and prop it up on the judges table. Every year or so just switch it out with a new doll and she won't ever know. Lets face it. The woman doesn't need a kid. There really is not enough money in the health care system to ever fully treat someone for the trauma they would face as the child of Paula Abdul.

Anyone Want To Roll The Dice?

When Naomi Campbell plead guilty today to two counts of assaulting a police officer; one of using threatening, abusive words or behavior to cabin crew; and one of using insulting, abusive, threatening behavior or disorderly conduct likely to cause harassment, alarm or distress, I said to myself I wonder if there is someone out in the world who would be willing to do the exact same thing to some cops and see if they get the same sentence as Naomi Campbell. Somehow I think the person trying would be in jail for quite sometime.

Naomi on the other hand gets another slap on the wrist, an admonishment from the court and several dates with the judge. No, I don;t think there will be any dates. Do you? So what kind of sentence did Naomi get?

200 hours community service and fined $4,500.

That's it. No probation, no nothing. Go run some fashion shows for poor kids and she is done. If we tried to do something like this we would probably still be in solitary confinement with the police returning the favor once each hour like clockwork. Meanwhile Naomi is free to do it all again. This really isn't a punishment at all. She could have received six months in jail for each charge and a $10,000 fine for each charge.

I will say this though. I believe she is still a UK citizen. She has now been convicted of a crime in the UK that would ban "everyday people" from getting a visa to the US to work for sure and to visit maybe. I'm not sure how much money she actually makes in the US each year, but if she is treated like everyone else she won't be working in the US again for a very long time.

A Few Words About Justin Timberlake And Trace Ayala

For those of you clever enough to have found my Facebook page,. (Yes, it does exist and there is even a photo. Try enty lawyer) then you know that the situation between Justin Timberlake and Trace Ayala has been weighing on my mind heavily lately. Not like flooding in the Midwest or the inadequacy of our infrastructure here in the United States to handle rain, but still weighing heavily. I would say that on the scale it is about equal to deciding whether I should have Tommy's or In-N-Out for lunch today.

Justin and his "business partner" have basically kept quiet about their personal life until now. Seems that Trace gave an interview to In Touch and is not something you want to read while you are eating.

“I see the kid naked all the time, so if he is wearing a Speedo, I’m like ‘Yeah! He actually has clothes on!’”

The Speedo Trace is referring to is the one Justin is wearing in The Love Guru. That being said, do they take turns reenacting Zoolander without clothes on or something. Why on earth would Justin be walking around Trace naked all the time? Preening? Does Trace return the favor? Do they set up a webcam with Diddilypiddily and watch each other wax their balls?

Think this is bad? How about this? Jessica Biel helps Justin and Trace with their denim designs. Yep, the two are always running around squealing when they come up with some new denim design that will just drive the boys wild. They then call the boys over and have a runway show. The crotchless overalls are a big crowd pleaser. Not a big seller, but a big crowd pleaser.

Want To Lose A Few Million Brain Cells?

I think because Ryan Seacrest had Duffy on his show the other morning, I decided that I would give him another chance. That chance is now over. I'm sure by now you have heard about Brody Jenner's new reality show for MTV. I think it is called Bromance, because to Ryan Seacrest that's funny. Oh yeah, you didn't know? Ryan Seacrest owns a piece of this show as well. Sure. Anything remotely related to whores or their families he is all over. He also enjoys participating in the dumbing down of America. The dumber we all are, the more we will all watch his shows.

I don't really have a problem with Brody Jenner. He's a nice enough guy who I've met a few times and does not take himself or The Hills that seriously at all. The problem is that the viewers do take it seriously. How do I know this? Ryan Seacrest took some calls. They went something like this.

Ryan: Nicole from Burbank go ahead

Caller: Hi Brody. How are you?

Brody: Good. Thanks for asking.

Caller: OMG! Do you remember the episode of The Hills where like Lauren was in Paris and you had found a girlfriend here and she got soooo mad at you?

Brody: I remember it

Caller: OMG! I have seen that episode like ten times so far. Anyway, so Lauren got mad at you but is she still mad at you?

Brody: No

Caller: So, do you guys get along and are like best friends?

Brody:Everything is good.

Caller: So, OMG!, does Lauren like your new girlfriend?

Brody:Yes

Caller:Oh, that is sooo cool.

Ryan: Let's talk to Gina from Glendale

Caller: OMG! Brody. I'm shaking. Thanks for everything you do.

Brody:Thanks for watching.

Caller: OMG! I'm so nervous. Brody. Do you remember the episode of The Hills where you wore that red shirt?

Brody: Umm

Caller: OMG! You wore this red shirt and it looked so hot on you. I just wanted to go up and rip it off your body and wear it for the rest of my life.

Brody:Umm. Thanks.

Caller:Do you still have that shirt or know where you bought the one you were wearing?

Ryan:So that is Bromance coming to MTV and produced by yours truly. Of course I get to plug all my shows on the radio for free because I'm Ryan Seacrest and I don't pay for commercials like the rest of the world.

Tom, David & Will Play With Each Other's Swords

Play with each other's swords. How I wish it were somehow a euphemism instead of what it actually is. According to an interview that Will Smith did with The Mirror, Tom Cruise wanted to be able to bond more frequently with David Beckham and Will Smith and so he invites them over to his house to fence.

"Tom has a room for training.

"We don't get enough time to hang out, just us three guys, so this is his way of getting together and bonding. David and I go to his home and just do fencing. It's a lot of fun.

"We wanted an activity that was strenuous, but we're getting older - we have to think about slowing down."

After fencing and working up a sweat, they all take a shower and towel each other off. Then Tom sits them down, and with a straight face asks them if they are in or out. Of course since he is as naked, they aren't exactly sure what is meant by this statement. In the background they can hear Katie Holmes singing to herself as she goes round and round on her carousel. Ahhh. Male bonding.

Ted C Blind Item

No, not Toothy Tile. For a change. Ever since ol’ Tooth re-recommitted to Gray Goose and they got all hideously domesticated, our double-T seems to have lost his devotion to doing it in every open space he can manage. Like WeHo parking lots and the such. I mean, so many men just have sex the same way they pee, right? Let it fly (whatever the bodily liquid) wherever ya want! Morals be damned, a man’s gotta go—or go-go—when he’s gotta, right?

Right, squeals our latest boy wonder in the annals of Hollywood homosexual clandestine coupling. Dude’s name is Public Thrust. He’s a star of considerable rising proportions, is on some huge-ass projects. Huge. P.T.’s career is certainly humming along just fine, thanks much. And isn’t it fascinating, P.T.’s peeps, who supposedly have his best interests in mind, are doing their best to steer Mr. Thrust away from any gay projects that come dancing his way (‘cause, let’s face it, the guy looks as queer as my hair), all the while Public-babe is hitting some H-town parties that don’t exactly cater to the beer-and-football type o’ guys.

More specifically? Let’s just say that while Thrust’s managers and such are doing their best to keep their star out of anything remotely Brokeback Mountain-esque, P.T.’s performing, quite impressively, I must say, at some H'wood dos where doing each other is the point of the gathering. Orgies, gay ones—in case you’re having trouble reading my totally homo cryptospeak.

You know what this means, don’t you? It’s the same with Toothy. It’s the same with married men who cheat. It’s all about getting caught, in other words. Public, just like Tooth, wants to be found out. They desire to be out. But they just can’t seem to find the guts to do it. So they let their peckers do the walking, or talking, as it were.

Congrats on your Blind Vice badge of Honor, Public! Welcome to the chubby clubby!

Today's Blind Items

I guess this guy is A list. I really dislike him though so if it were up to me I would make him B list. He definitely fits the A list definition. Probably calls himself an A lister. Film. Without looking him up on IMDB, I can't be sure, but I don't remember him doing anything for television. In that harsh light he would look horrible. Not that he is all that great looking now. Anyway, our married actor gets a few massages each week. Nothing scandalous or anything like that. He actually has someone who comes to his house and that's that.

Well, around the beginning of May his masseuse went on vacation. Our actor needed a massage and made some calls and the next thing you know our actor is getting massaged out in West Hollywood. Well, it turns out our actor was enjoying this massage quite a lot and the next thing you know our actor is getting orally serviced by his male massage therapist. Our actor pays for the massage, but doesn't leave a tip. Now, the question here is how does anyone know this happened? Well apparently the massage therapist films everyone who comes in for his safety. Well, I guess he was a little pissed about there not being a tip so the next thing you know he is having a party and shows the tape to all his guests. There hasn't been a copy made, but there have been three parties since and the rumor is spreading fast. The funny thing is our actor has no idea what could potentially be coming.

Random Photos Part One - With A Reader Photo - And One More Hat

I think it's fitting that the very last hat of the season should also belong to someone who I think did it the best. Dame Helen Mirren is just about perfect here.

Ben Barnes was a really big hit last week so why not being him back for more. I do aim to please here.
While every other site posted those Gisele Bundchen GQ photos, I am firmly in the Team Bridget Moynahan camp here and would much rather post Bridget's photo.
You would almost think this is the very first time Matthew Broderick has seen a pair of breasts up close. Apparently he finds Brittany Snow's fascinating. Please take note for later how Matthew has his tie firmly place in place, hair to perfection and appears to be sober.
"Ladies and gentleman of San Francisco. I bring you my d**k."

"Wait for it. Just got it caught. Happens sometimes."
"There you go. A five story d**k*."
Chloe Sevigny. I actually have nothing bad to say about her today. She looks great.

Let the Hilary Duff pregnancy rumors begin.

Guy Forget looks great.
Fergie on the other hand looks awful. It isn't even that she is standing next to Eva Mendes.
Ethan Hawke on the set of his new film.

Unlike when Lindsay Lohan tried to duplicate Marilyn Monroe, Kelly Brook does actually look like Rita Hayworth.

Hugh Jackman with his hand way down in that pocket.
Now that I don't see Haylie Duff out and about everyday, she is starting to grow on me.

From left to right - Funny as s**t, drunk off his ass, and funny as s**t.

The drunkneness was yesterday. Today it is the hangover.
Kirsten Dunst has done a very good job since getting out of rehab. Keeping to herself, and keeping quiet. Proud of her.
I think this is the first time I got a really good look at John Mayer's tattoo.
Yes, yes, she had the baby. There has been more coverage of her having the baby than with the Cedar Rapids flood. Speaking of which. If you go back to yesterday's Kindness Plug, Brooke's uncle who is taking care of the animals wrote a comment late last night describing what he has been doing to take care of all the animals. You may want to check that out.
I think this is the first time Natasha Richardson has been in the photos. I'm glad that oversight has now been corrected.

For the premiere of Narnia over in the UK, they obviously were expecting lots and lots of people.
Another first timer is Monica Seles.
Merle Haggard - Austin
I really like Liam Neeson. I don't think he gets enough credit for his acting.
The gorgeous Rosario Dawson with some huge bling.

Huge bling. Sorry Kanye, but really bling is the best word here. Ginormous would also work.
You can tell it has been a week or so since my favorite royal couple have been out in public. The Princess and her timing are just not quite in sync with the Prince. She was flogged when they got home.
Once again, the clap just not quite there. Seriously. Do these two practice this crap at home all day? I have never seen people who do everything completely in unison like this pair. When they have sex it must be like watching a metronome.
Much better Nicole.
Terry Serpico has some of the coolest eyes I have seen.

I am actually going to use the word People here because they have an interview with Tim Russert's wife. To me, this is much more important than baby photos of Jamie Lynn Spears and I am going to be sure to actually go to a bookstore and read the whole interview. Buy it? I don't think so. I might consider giving them money if someone can convince me that if Jamie Lynn Spears' baby had been born on the same date as Tim Russert's death that People would have still gone with Tim on the cover.
Tom Petty - Newark
Our lovely reader photo of the day.

Lainey Blind Item

Not that she was destined to become the next Angelina Jolie – not even close – but since B List and reality stars are all the rage these days, who’s to say she would not have had a career revival as the matriarch for a new generation? Or a movie of the week once every few weeks?

The problem is her love life. She is in love with a man who has a wife. A man who comes from a legendary family. A man who is supposed to be a bastion of fidelity, with strong values and a wholesome image. This is not the man who should be carrying on an affair with an actress, hidden away in hotels, picked up on the sly by his security team, given a code name by his people. Her birthday is noted in his assistant’s organiser, it’s as official as it gets, only it’s also the best kept secret, and he intends to keep it that way which is why she’s only allowed to work sparingly. Which means guest appearances only and no long standing commitments, lest she reappear on the radar and invite a little curiosity, potentially blowing their cover.

She lives by his rules because she thinks what they have is real and forever but not surprisingly, he has his eye on someone else. Almost her doppelganger. Some say she will be replaced. Is cheating hereditary?

Darren Day Is The Scott Baio And Wilmer Valderrama Of The UK

I had no idea who Darren Day was. Sorry. Didn't know. I do now though.

Darren Day was arrested on suspicion of DUI in Cardiff yesterday and although it was interesting, it was hardly sponge worthy. But, as I read it again, I realized that this guy has lived with or been engaged to or had sex or dated just about every actress on the planet. How about lots?

OK, well a few though. For a guy I had never heard of, he sure does get around with actresses that everyone has heard of.

The list below only consists of those he has lived with or been engaged to. These are not just dates. I should have made the connection between Darren and my new found love Suzanne Shaw but I didn't. I'm shamed. I will go back to my room now. This guy is classy. The list comes courtesy of wiki.

Andrea Boardman - lived with the children's TV presenter daughter of comedian Stan Boardman for three years, until they split up in January 1994.

Debbie Gibson - American singer/actress (I think the word actress is being kind of generous here. Remember, I'm a Tiffany guy so every chance I can, Deborah gets it. )

Malandra Burrows - actress

Anna Friel - actress when she was 18 in 1994. Day ended the engagement in 1997, saying he was too old for her.

Tracy Shaw - actress. Day started the relationship before ending his relationship with Friel, and supposedly used the same engagement ring for both announcements. Shaw fell into a deep and depressive state, including a high level of cocaine consumption, as a result of her relationship with Day.

Isla Fisher - actress. Met while both were starring in a production of "Summer Holiday."

Tara Newley - actress, Joan Collins daughter

Sophia Thierens - musical theatre actress

Adele Vellacott - dancer who he met while both were performing in a pantomime.

Suzanne Shaw - singer, formerly of pop band Hear'Say. They met while both were appearing in Summer Holiday (play), eight months after Day got engaged to Vellacott. Day allegedly cheated on a then eight months pregnant Shaw with dancer Cecilia Carneby.

The couple vowed to struggle on and son Corey Mackenzie Day was born in the December 2004. Day however walked out in March 2005, uttering the now immortal words "I don't do family."

Stephanie Dooley - actress, she has one son, Jordan aged 7 and they have a daughter Madison, aged 1. Like his two previous fiancees, he too met her while appearing on stage. They married in May 2007 at a castle in Scotland.

Another Word For "Kind Of Engaged" Is Dating

As someone who has been engaged even more times than I have been married, I consider myself an expert on what defines being engaged and what doesn't. If there is a ring on a finger, then there is an engagement. If there is no ring, then you are dating. Oh sure you can call it a relationship or you are going to get engaged or talked about getting married and he or she is the one, and blah, blah, blah, but until there is a ring, there is no engagement.

As a guy, I wanted to avoid having to buy that ring because once you get into double digit times buying a ring, you will look for any excuse not to. Promise rings are great because they can be $5 and it is considered cute, but it doesn't make you engaged.

Well on the red carpet last night, Kimora Lee Simmons told Kneepads that she and Djimon Honsou were "kind of" engaged. When asked if she had received a ring, she said, "not quite."

Well, then you are not engaged. When Djimon decides he wants to give up his masculinity and marry Kimora then he will buy her a ring. Until that time which I hope never occurs, Kimora will just have to face the fact that she isn't engaged and that while she might be thinking "kind of" in her mind, Djimon is thinking, "hell no."

Katie Holmes And Mario Lopez Not Swapping Spit In The Shower

One person who will not be on Mario Lopez's holiday list is Katie Holmes. Katie Holmes all by herself has managed to halt production on "A Chorus Line" and thus cause Mario Lopez to lose his job. How did this happen? Well Ms. I can't act, but deserve to be paid the most is getting paid more than anyone else in the cast and would only commit to a very short term contract. I'm assuming she did this either to make sure she could run away quickly if she or the play bombs or if some studio head gets drunk off his ass one night and offers her a film. I would love to see Katie Holmes, Lindsay Lohan and Jennifer Aniston in a film with Jessica Simpson in a cameo, and Mariah Carey as the Fairy Godmother. Just put all the box office disasters in one film and that way the studios could just throw away lots of money on one film and know the rest of their films would be safe for the year.

Anyway, Katie is getting paid such a huge sum that the production needed to find a bigger theatre to help pay for her. Normally her production would just be in a playhouse, but because she is costing such a huge amount they are having to move into a musical theatre because they have more seats. The theatre they got is the theatre that has A Chorus Line. So, bye bye Mario and don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way back to Celebrity Big Brother UK. Oh, or he could go do Dancing With The Stars in Australia with Tara Reid.

Oh, and although I am just mentioning Mario, let's not forget all the other cast members from the show that she is putting out of work also. Have a nice day.

$275,000 For A Cameo?

Queen Latifiah is not pleased and when the Queen is not pleased then her lawyers get busy and get suing. Apparently Queen Latifah was in a film called "The Perfect Holiday." I didn't see it and had never heard of it previously despite the fact that it starred Terrence Howard and Gabrielle Union. I thought I had seen every film that Gabrielle Union had made, but I guess I was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Anyway, I don't think any of you saw the film either because as of today it has grossed about $5.8M.

Well the Queen sued because she was not paid what she was promised to show up in the film for a minute. She was supposed to be paid $275,000 for that minute of screen time. I am no rocket scientist but if you were to extrapolate that out to a 90 minute film, then the Queen would be asking for almost $25M.

Now, I know she is popular and I enjoy her films, but there is no way on this earth that she is worth $275,000 a minute. If she was that popular and that in demand, then this damn film would have made more than $5.8M. I mean Lindsay Lohan's bomb of a film made more than that. You can make $5.8M just by opening in enough theatres on a busy weekend because people will go see your film when everything else is sold out.

$5.8M is like getting that first 400 points for free on your SAT. Everyone gets it. That is not to say that the Queen is not due her money. I mean a deal is a deal is a deal, but I'm guessing this film lost a bunch of money. I know the Queen is going to probably get married soon, and has some extra expenses headed her way, but I don't think she is going to get a dime from this effort. She will end up paying her attorneys way more than she will ever recover.

David Beckham In Touch With His Feminine Side

David Beckham is quite possibly one of only a handful of athletes that I have ever heard talking publicly about his feminine side. In the launch of his new porn, I mean underwear campaign, he was asked whether he actually wore the Armani underwear he is seen posing in. His reply?

“I always wear the Armani underwear,” Beckham said. “I’ve worn it in every game since joining the Galaxy.” He loves the Emporio Armani underwear “because it is comfortable. It’s masculine but it has that feminine side.”

Wow. The guys in the locker room are going to give him crap about that last part. I'm happy that he is happy. I didn't know he enjoyed the feeling of wearing a feminine pair of underwear. Perhaps he and Victoria share clothes at home? Maybe he wears his hair so short so he can wear wigs and they can play dress up together.

Perhaps I am jealous of his body? Oh, I am for sure. Not just of his body. Hell. His life. I do know that if I wore those underwear though that I would look ridiculous and that wearing clothes over them wouldn't help. I do think someone should find a bunch of guys my size or just average size and have them all pose the same way Becks does and then see how many pairs they sell.

I know none of you are actually reading this because you are all right clicking on the photos. I got it, I got it.

Thong Causes Permanent Injury

If I saw this woman wearing a thong, I would suffer a permanent eye injury. The woman in the video above was trying on a thong. Hang on a second. You can actually try on thongs? Seriously? Because to me that just seems nasty. I mean I know on bikinis they have that little band aid thing to keep a woman "protected," but I have never seen such a thing on a thong.

Can you imagine if guys were allowed to try on underwear before purchasing it? Yeah, not going to happen. So, I know women are probably more likely to be clean than a guy, but still it just seems like no one would ever want to go second or third or fourth to try one on.

52 year old Marcrida Patterson said she suffered permanent eye damage when she slipped on a low rise v-string causing a decorative piece of metal to fly off and strike her in the eye. She assured the world she was not using the thong as a slingshot when it happened and was not having any kind of dressing room sex. The thong was part of the Victoria's Secret "Sexy Little Thing Line."

She has not asked for any specific monetary damages as of yet. I'm sure she will want tens of millions of dollars. When the interviewer asked what the thong looked like, Ms. Patterson got up, flipped up her dress and showed everyone. No, not really, but that would have been pretty funny.

Also, if you are going to play up the whole eye injury thing, then get an eye patch. Eye patches are cool and people feel sorry for you when you wear one. You might also want to have your attorney give you a black eye before you go on national television and then you slowly lift the eye patch and America pukes up their coffee and Victoria's Secret just writes you a check right there.

Daily Mirror Blind Item

Which disgusting celeb sent his people running around town trying to buy, er, "desensitising toilet tissues" only to go mad when they got the wrong ones?

Today's Blind Items

#1 - To me, this one was a little heartbreaking to hear. This once troubled actor who has peaked and valleyed between A and C list his entire career depending on his drug use was thought to be clean and enjoying some big success once again. However, it is just that success that may have caused his most recent slip. Oh, he slipped alright. Twice is what I hear. Separate nights. The question is going to be whether it was truly just a slip or if this is going to be another long, twisted spiral downward.

#2 - What mullet haired singer cheated on his current wife and ex-wife with both males and females?

Random Photos Part One - With Lots More Hats

Just don't know how, if you are going to post a photo of Vanessa Redgrave that you can't put it at the top. The woman just gives and gives.
If I hadn't found the photo of Vanessa Redgrave I was actually going to post Jennifer Lopez on top. I know, I know. But, for once she actually deserves it. This photo was taken by a mother of a student. It wasn't taken by some PR person and Jennifer didn't bring along a bunch of people with her. These students who are all autistic, performed a Jennifer Lopez song for their end of year party. They had been practicing for months and had written Jennifer Lopez about why they liked her and about their song. Jennifer apparently got their letters and decided to show up for their performance. I can't believe I just wrote an entire paragraph about Jennifer Lopez that had no snark.
Andie MacDowell and her daughter. That is a good looking family.
One of the most amazing people I know. Amy Yasbeck.
Carly Simon & Benjamin Simon - New York

Almost any other day and Cloris Leachman would have made the top. No matter. She is still the bomb.
Colin Hanks looking completely different.
I need to stop spiking my coffee because this is about the best I have seen Cameron Diaz look in a very long time.
So go with me on this one. When I look at this photo of Brian McFadden I see Eddie Izzard when he had the blond hair. No?

Hats

More hats.
George Michael - San Diego
The UK Gladiators showed up at the UK premiere of Hancock. Just thought you might like to see.
Ginnifer Goodwin and Chris Klein. Do you ever get the feeling that Chris Klein just has a Bee Gees tune that keeps running through his head. He always looks to me like he is about one second away from breaking into Night Fever.
Hey, look. It's a hat.

And another one.
No matter how big the hat, I am distracted by the scar or branding above her breast.
How far forward does that hat come?
Someone wore this one yesterday. Scandal.

You know what is amazing about this photo of Jada Pinkett Smith? She is in LA and let Will Smith be in London all by himself.

Uh oh.
Who wants to volunteer to tie James Franco's shoe?
That will poke an eye out.
I think this is the last one.
Definitely drunk when I think Meg Ryan looks hot.

Well 18 months and it is over. Matt Lucas and Kevin McGee have called it quits. What does Kevin McGee get for his 18 months? Probably around $10M.
You all know I love Kathleen Turner, but I swear to you when I just was running through the photos I thought Sam Kinison had come back from the dead; or it could be Gallagher.
Kate Moss showing off her breasts and va-jay-jay in public is nothing new. However, she chose to do so this time in Turkey and as you may know, Turkey is a Muslim country. To say they were upset is an understatement.
Rosamund Pike has something I have always wanted. No, not breasts. Hell my man boobs are bigger than hers anyway. She has great posture. I've always wanted good posture. It seems dumb doesn't it, but when you actually look at thousands upon thousands of photos and someone sitting up straight sticks out, you know it is rare.

This is kind of unfair to Najwa Nimri because she might have great posture, but this is the typical pose of people. I know our parents always used to bug us about sitting up straight, but take a look around your office or wherever and see how many people do actually sit up straight.
Rachel Bilson looks really good.
So seriously. This whole 70's thing with the fondue and the swingers party look has to stop and stop now. If you think Nicole Richie has taken it to the extreme, you are wrong.
Debra Messing is one sash away from joining in that swingers party.
Sigur Ros - New York

Keira Knightley looks great and Sienna Miller is trashed out of her mind. Trashed. Wasted. Blitzed.
Salma Hayek can pull this outfit off but everyone else would look like they were remaking 9 to 5.
If I see one more magazine tell me how much Rumer Willis looks just like her mom I will scream. To me she looks more like Pete Wentz than Demi Moore.
When is the last time you saw Willem Dafoe smile like this? Ever?

Thalia. Just because I know there are tons of Latin music fans who read this site.
Teri Garr visiting the cast of Young Frankenstein.
Steve Winwood- New York
Sam Waterston just because I don't think he has ever been in the photos.

Daily Mirror Blind Item - Part Two

Which ageing Hollywood pin-up is now more of a down 'n' out drunk? He's still well-known in the industry but spends most of his afternoons in a South London boozer, drowning his sorrows...

Lots And Lots Of Non-Denial Denials

Yesterday I wrote about Jennifer Aniston and her fear of being photographed next to someone who can actually act. The fact that her ex-husband thought the actress in question was a hottie just added to the drama.

This honestly wasn't that big of a deal, and now it has become such because Jennifer's publicist answered the phone. This whole thing would have been over quicker than Paris Hilton opens her legs for a video camera, but now it is going to get dragged out until the world hears from two people. Jennifer Connelly and someone from Marie Claire.

Here is what Jennifer's publicist (who is usually very good) had to say:

"Marie Claire wanted Jennifer alone. It was our idea to make it a group cover."

"The magazine only wanted to put three [actresses] on the cover, and definitely wanted Drew Barrymore. We recommended Ginnifer Goodwin because she is basically the lead role in the film... Jennifer got along great with Jennifer Connelly."

So how did the magazine go from only wanting Jennifer A to also definitely wanting Drew Barrymore? A group of three huh? I'm not buying it. Are you honestly going to sit there with a straight face and tell me that if Marie Claire also had the chance to put Jennifer Connelly on the same cover they would have said no? First of all she looks better than any of the other three. Second of all, if it had been a women of the film theme, maybe Scarlett Johansson would have wanted to get in on it as well. You think Marie Claire would go for a group of five if they could get them or would they settle for what Jennifer Aniston's people offered?

Come on.

Now, last night, Ginnifer Goodwin was interviewed by Kneepads magazine and she didn't deny that it happened. The only thing she said was that "it's absurd." It is absurd that I have spent all this time talking about something that I don't really care about except that I want someone to have the huevos and come out and admit they were jealous and wanted to be the best looking person on the cover. Well that didn't work. She is still third even in this group.

How hard would it have been for Marie Claire or Jennifer Connelly's publicist to make a statement yesterday? Crickets.

Billy Ray Cyrus Gets A Rant

I saw the headlines yesterday but kept telling myself to ignore it and that it would just go away. I didn't need to read about Billy Ray Cyrus and his excuses about Miley Cyrus and the naked photo shoot. I had heard the excuses before. Didn't need to read new ones. I just let it go and kept chanting "serenity now." It worked.

Then today I was flipping through news articles and it just popped up and I couldn't help myself. I read it and just couldn't control the rant although it is in the form of a letter.

Dear Billy Ray,

I noticed when the Vanity Fair scandal first broke that you threw your mom or your mother-in-law under the bus as well as Miley's tutor her publicist and anyone else you could think of to escape blame for you being a neglectful and lying parent.

Instead of just letting the scandal die a natural death with your pu**y comments alongside it, you decided to open your big fat one hit wonder mouth and defend yourself again. Why? Need some attention? Exploiting your child to get the career you couldn't get on your own isn't enough to keep you busy?

You might be able to get away with stupid ass statements with the ass kissing shows on television and no doubt People will have a line of employees prepared to blow you whenever you walk into their offices, but that isn't the way things work here.

I noticed this time you only threw Miley's publicist under the bus. Apparently throwing family under the bus did not lead to good familial relations at home. You also fail to address the proofs which were sent to you in advance of publication. You know proofs? The pictures the magazine sends you in advance so you could pick the ones you want used. Perhaps you just missed the one with your daughter naked. It happens. You were probably just in that post coital daze, or it looks like you are anyway in those other photos you took with your daughter. I'm presuming that is you in the photos.

I guess you could say that you actually took the photo in a separate location, they then had Miley take a photo in a convent and somehow they photoshopped the two of you to look like you just had some kind of intimate moment. But of course that would be a big pile of bulls**t just like your career.

Sincerely,

EL

Kindness Plug

For the most part, I have relegated kindness plugs to Your Turn, but this one is too big, and too important to be combined with lots of others. As always, the words below are from the reader who sent this in. I did remove Brooke's last name, her identifying information, and I added the photo above.


Dear ENT,

My name is Brooke, and I'm a loyal CDAN reader. I currently reside in the Bay Area, but I was born and raised in Cedar Rapids, IA. I'm writing to see whether you would be willing to promote an upcoming auction that I've organized to raise funds for the animals displaced by the recent devastating flood of the Cedar River. As of June 16, damage estimates have exceeded ONE BILLION ($1,000,000,000) dollars. In a town of only 120,000 people, this is beyond catastrophic. In fact, FEMA described the devastation as the equivalent of a 9.2 earthquake, and has classified the Cedar Rapids flood as the third-biggest national disaster in recent history (after Hurricane Katrina and 9/11).

Thousands of animals have been left homeless by the flood. The Cedar Rapids animal shelter has been completely destroyed. Many people had to abandon their pets when they evacuated their homes, and it is unclear when--if ever--they will be reunited. The situation is dire, and support is desperately needed.

The auction will be held at http://www.iowafloodreliefauction.com/ from June 25-July 2. All funds raised will be directed to a special "Friends of the Animal Shelter" fund via the Kirkwood Foundation (tax ID 23-7076632), which is the fundraising division of the Kirkwood Community College, currently serving as the temporary shelter for displaced animals. There are several hundred dogs, even more cats, and other companion animals being housed there, and many, many more animals are still stranded in the tens of thousands of abandoned homes.

The Kirkwood Foundation and Cedar Rapids Animal Shelter are working together on the evacuation center--the animal shelter's building was completely destroyed in the flood, so they are hoping to rebuild on the Kirkwood campus.

More information about both organizations is available at http://www.kirkwood.edu/foundation and http://www.cedar-rapids.org/animal/.

I have consulted with the directors of both the Kirkwood Foundation and the Cedar Rapids Animal Shelter on this project. Also, my uncle, the Kirkwood grounds supervisor, was instrumental in transforming several campus buildings into makeshift care centers for the animals, so I have a unique insight on the magnitude of this tragedy. My city is gone, and countless lives have been forever changed.

The theme of the auction is "Indulge Yourself to Save Lives." So far, 40 companies have pledged lot contributions to raise funds for the evacuated animals. The participating companies are primarily run by independent artisans of bath & body products, fragrances, hair care, gourmet food, pet products, and jewelry. Today, I started a campaign targeting family-run wineries in Napa and Sonoma, and have already received two magnums of blanc de blancs, donated by Schramsberg. I feel that your loyal readers will be very interested in the items available through the auction, as well as the welfare of the animals who will benefit from it.

I would love to have this cause considered for your upcoming "Your Turn" posting on Friday. All of the lots will be going up on Friday and Saturday, so the timing would be perfect to drum up interest in the site. You can also post a countdown clock to the auction with the following code:




Thank you for your interest! Hopefully, we can work together to bring attention to this important event, and bring hope to a community so desperately in need.

Warm regards,

Brooke

iowafloodreliefauction@gmail.com

Mario Lopez - Jackass Or Honest?

Mario Lopez was giving an interview about his breakup with the vodka lady. What is her name? Oh yeah Karina Smirnoff and somehow the subject got around to Eva Longoria. Let us set aside for now any dislike I have for the woman or whether or not she and Mario have done the nasty since she got married. For now, that is not what we are talking about. For now, the only thing that matters is that Eva is married and Mario is the guy from next door who likes to peek through the windows late at night.

In the interview, Mario says that for now he has had to "reluctantly settle for being friends with Eva." "I would have liked to have dated her, but now she is married." He also made it clear that if given the chance, he and Eva would be more than friends.

Now, to me this seems like Mario is being the biggest ass on the planet. You know she is married and you were in her wedding. Not as a guest, but actually in it. Eva's husband lets Eva and Mario hang out, presumably because Mario has always said the two are just friends and he has no feelings for Eva. Also because Eva tells Tony what to do, but again, not important for right now.

So now Mario has given this public interview and said, hey if Eva wasn't married I would be all over her. I hate just being friends with her. I wish it were more. Meanwhile they continue to hang out and I guess we are expected to believe he never says these things to Eva while they are hanging out? Knowing what she does and has known, is Eva cheating on Tony when she goes out with Mario? Is Mario a home wrecker just by making these statements?

Put this into your own life. Make Mario someone you thought was just a friend and your significant other was just a friend. The friend at a dinner party says the same comments to everyone that Mario says to the press. What would you do?

DNfromMN - Movie Review - Get Smart

GET SMART
Release Date: 6/20/08

The Story: Maxwell Smart (Steve Carell) is promoted to being a secret agent for CONTROL after the evil KAOS breaks in and steals/starts killing agents. Smart and Agent 99 (Anne Hathaway) are tasked with rescuing the world from KAOS’s stolen nuclear weapons.

I’m in the process of moving so we’ll make this quick.

Dwayne Johnson – hot, clothes fit well (VERY well), no shirtlessness, sorry ladies.

Steve Carell – Funny, does a little bit of a Don Adams (original Maxwell Smart) voice at times, but plays it like Steve Carell. The man won’t win an Oscar for his schtick, but he can read his lines funny. (Also, I find him kinda hot.)

Anne Hathaway – The girl is beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. Again, no acting awards here, but pulls her weight.

The ending is kinda lame.

What It’s Worth: $7.50. I won’t go full out on a weekend full price ticket on this one. You’ll feel like you were entertained fully, but while I was entertained, I don’t know that I would put it as something I’d watch multiple times.

Quit Drugs Or Die

I have to say that I love tabloids. I love the dramatic headline which bellows out that someone just has a few weeks to live, and then when you look inside it qualifies it by saying if they don't stop their current behavior or get better from their tragic illness or if things take a turn for the worse they will die. Sure they will. All of us would.

I was reminded of those great headlines with this one which is referring to Amy Winehouse. "Quit Drugs Or Die."

Ummm yeah. So the headline is there to make people think that Amy is thisclose to death. In reality all it says is that if she doesn't quit abusing drugs at the pace she is currently setting then, she will probably die an early death. Now that is some f**king insight huh?

You could put the headline on just about any activity and make the same case. "Stop Taking The Bus Or Die." What the article doesn't say is that Jane Doe is going to possibly die very soon if she doesn't stop taking the bus because it is possible that the bus driver might get into an accident one day and Jane Doe might die. Sounds ridiculous, but it is the same exact thing as said about Amy Winehouse. The headline above is accurate and here is a quote from the article.

"Doctors have reportedly presented Amy Winehouse with an ultimatum: she must quit abusing drugs now - or risks heading to an early grave."

Doesn't sound so dire now does it. Besides it isn't drugs that are her biggest problem.

Daily Mirror Blind Item

Which delusional celebrity begged his lady to let him bed another woman - the night before their wedding?

There's no question about it, this lanky fella has no shame...

Today's Blind Items

#1 - Apparently if I wish and wish and wish, then sometimes they do come true. This is an A list couple with an A list lifestyle. If I give you their description it would give it a way. Does A+ name recognition help? Anyway they haven't been doing much lately. Oh, they make noise and it appears as if they are doing something, but in reality. Nothing. No money is coming in but lots and lots is flooding out. It has got so bad that the couple only have one employee. One. I take that back. They do have a gardener at one of their houses, but not for long. They are trying to sell that property and just about everything else they own. I don't know if anyone has said it out loud, but the bankruptcy word has been whispered. She wants to call some famous friends for a loan but his pride won't let her do it.

#2 - Speaking of financial messes, this other celebrity couple is in even worse shape. Actually the male half of the couple is a celebrity in the sense that he is married to the female actress who was once at the very top of the world and has slowly, but steadily just about crashed to the bottom. In one more year, people will be "who?" It has got so bad financially with their raging drug habit and his legal problems that they have started making sex tapes which are going to be "stolen." Outrage will follow and then hopefully enough money from the distributor to last until she can find someone willing to pay her what she used to get for acting.

Random Photos Part One - With A Reader Photo And A Ton Of F**king Hats

The Arkin's, both Adam and Alan start us off today. There are very few things that either one of them have been in that I didn't really enjoy, and some things which are just unfrikking believable. As good as they are, and as much as they have contributed to film and television, I would really be surprised if either one of them were in any tabloid, magazine or other blog today. Of course there will be 20 of Audrina Patridge though because she has contributed ummm.
Maybe it is because I have seen Anne Hathaway everywhere today and grown tired of the dress, but I have to admit that she has never really done it for me.
Ashley Olsen comes in third today because I've decided that the reason she has looked halfway decent of late is that she has managed to keep the same boyfriend for awhile and he probably told her that if he wanted to date a homeless person he would go out with her sister.
Wow.

Carlos Santana - New York
Coldplay - London
Look at those guys behind Carla Gugino just checking her out. I understand guys. I also understand that each of us has about a 0% chance with her.
Brooke Burke and David Charvet. They look good. Too good. Let's hate them from afar.
Probably my favorite hat of the day.

This one freaks me out a little. It's like snakes coming out of it.
Creativity is a plus. Betting slips in the hat give it a nice touch.
That is just a whole mess of color.
One of my favorites, Chow Yun-Fat.

Heidi Klum definitely has a way of guys doing almost anything.

Would you even recognize Christian Siriano on the street without his glasses?

Dwayne "I'll kick the crap out of you if you mention the Rock " Johnson
You remember last year about this time when DJ A.M. was everywhere? Ask yourself when is the last time you saw him before today.

Has Jon Hamm been in the photos before? I think he has. If so, he knows he doesn't need to sweat. All of you will be nice to him.

Just like I will be very nice to Jenna Fischer.
Obviously Gong Li finds John Cusack's learning to be short lessons humorous. Now you know the secret to Katie Holmes' life.
I'm glad to see Joan Allen find someone. She's great.
Another hat.
Mandy Moore is two for two the past week.

I get requests for Kevin Sorbo, but honestly, not sure why.
I must have gone to the wrong damn summer camp.
Another John. Not as in a trick John, but another John as in we just had a Jon which I guess isn't really a John, but more of a Jonathon. Anyway, this is John Slattery.
And a Josh Lucas who looks like he is losing weight very quickly.
Royal hats.

You think Queen Elizabeth still gives Prince Andrew crap? Do you think he has ever said the words awww mom. Do I have to?
Didn't Nina Garcia just have a baby?
I will give all of you Nick Cohn, and that will leave me Julia Stiles all to myself.
She's back. It's Muffie.
Stephen Colbert

Robbie Williams doing his 70's porn star look.
Our lovely reader photo of the day.
Rilo Kiley - Austin
Princess hats. By the way, I think people should stop giving Princess Eugenie a hard time about streaking the quad. Let her do what every other kid did. Just because you are sixth in line to the throne doesn't mean you can't streak.
This is Zara Phillips and her hat.

Zara also brought as her date the dude from Monopoly.
Victoria Hervey belongs up with Robbie Williams and some shag carpeting.
Tina Fey looking great.
The Bachelor and the llama. Actually that would make a good reality show wouldn't it?

Rod Stewart's Swimmers Are Drowning

Rod Stewart is trying to get his wife pregnant again, but is ummm, having difficulties. "Trust me, I am trying my very hardest to have another child. But I am not quite Superman like I used to be. I am in my 60s now."

He is in his 60's. I don't know how I feel about people having children when they reach their 60's. Rod is 63 now and so even if his swimmers could swim and Penny got pregnant tomorrow, chances are he would be 64 when the baby was born. Figure 18 years until the kid graduates from high school and that makes Rod 82 years old. Doubt he is going to be out there kicking a soccer ball with the child.

I know Penny is young, and she will definitely have enough money to raise whatever children they do have, but is Rod or someone his age being selfish when they have children that old? They know that the chances of them being around for much of their child's life is slim. I'm sure celebrities are not the only ones doing it, but at least once a year there is some celebrity who fathers a child in his late 60's or early 70's and claims that now he will have the chance to be the dad he couldn't be the first time around. He then of course breaks a hip while skateboarding and dies.

I'm curious about what all of you think about this. Is it selfish for a man in his 60's or 70's to have a child, knowing they won't be around for much of the child's life. To me it is different from divorce because you are not consciously being selfish.

I Thought The Guy Was Supposed To Romance The Woman

I know I am very old fashioned in my thinking, but I always just thought that the guy should do the pursuing and the woman should be the pursued. Sure, I like to know there is some interest, but I don't know if she should take it as far as Naomi Campbell.

According to Naomi Campbell she has been romancing a Brazilian businessman named Marcus Elias. She met Marcus back in February when she had that d**k removal or whatever she did to have babies. Since that initial meeting, apparently Ms. Campbell has become enamored and has focused her death ray eyes on capturing Marcus. Either that or she is going to steal his soul so she can live forever.

Whatever it may be, it seems that when Marcus takes a little trip and shows up in another country, Naomi isn't far behind. She apparently calls Marcus frequently and if he says, "I'm going to Cannes," the next thing you know Naomi comes. This week he is in Capri and like a witch on a broom, here comes Naomi.

I'm sure the guy is flattered that Naomi is spending her own money to come see him, but it must also be a little disconcerting, especially when he sees all the voodoo dolls with needles and cellphones poked into their heads.

Gwyneth Paltrow Blind Item

Don't believe that celebrities don't enjoy blind items. They do. Here is one that Gwyneth Paltrow wants everyone to figure out.


"When I was younger I fell in love with someone. He wasn't married, but he was in to drugs. So he wasn't around when I needed him because of that.

"I became quite obsessed with why he didn't turn up when I wanted him to. I was raised by people who love me and I always felt good about myself, but I still got caught up - during that relationship - with thinking that he wasn't there because there was something wrong with me."

Dont Believe The Hype -Anne Hathaway Still Rocking The Criminal

I don't know what in the hell she sees in him, but the rumors about Anne Hathaway breaking up with her boyfriend are not true. Let me make this clear. He would break up with her, but she would never leave him. I think people ask her and plead with her everyday to break up with the douchebag, but when she tries to leave, he just sucks her back in. She gave up a long time ago trying to leave.

Plus, I think he is really cool with her side activities if you know what I mean and she is okay with his. I will say that I'm not sure of the exact hold he has over her. I don't know if it is a bad boy thing or if there is something more sinister or if he owes her a bunch of money and so she is staying until she has a chance of getting paid.

Just know this. That despite what you may read or even hear from PR people in the next few days, Anne is totally into this guy and isn't leaving. Wish she was, but she isn't.

Diddy Waxes His Balls

Actually according to Sean Combs he waxes everything except the hair on his head. He feels that all men owe it to the ladies to not have a hair on their body and that women appreciate it. According to an interview he just did with The Daily Mail he has a new regimen.

If you will recall I believe he said once that he would invite women over to help him get ready and that he would make an evening just out of getting ready.

Now, he has apparently modified that.

"While I'm getting ready I like to relax with a drink - vodka and lemonade - and listen to some James Brown.

Then I'll have a manicure and pedicure - and yes, I wax as well. Men owe it to women to make sure they are well-groomed."

To make matters worse, the Didster, splashes on his cologne all over his newly waxed genitals. That is going to sting, and also give whatever unlucky male or female is down there a really bad taste in their mouth. I mean I enjoy the smell of perfume on a woman, but I don't want to open my mouth and have you just spray it in my mouth. To me, Diddyliddy makes it seem as if no one has bought his damn cologne and so he is personally taking it upon himself to slather as much on as he can on his hairless, female like body.

Hey, for all I know, I could be wrong and Diddilypiddily could be right. I mean he has more money and chicks than me, although the chicks he tends to have sex with seem to be willing to have sex with almost anyone and are probably very complimentary so maybe they are just telling Staypuffmarshmellow what he wants to hear.

Ahhh, who gives a crap. The sad part is I don't think he is making any of it up.

Johnny Depp Does A Good Thing

I would probably relate this story even if it was not Johnny Depp, but because it is, then it allows all of you to go awwww, and to make your significant others wish that Johnny Depp were dead, or at least not so damn nice.

I have had a few photos of Johnny Depp from his Wisconsin film set where he has been shooting Public Enemies. Apparently at some point during the filming this 12 year old kid came up to Johnny and asked him for the hat he was wearing in the film. Johnny said yes, but only after filming.

Well after filming, Johnny was gone, but the kid's parents decided to take matters into their own hands so started nagging Johnny's sister who is also his agent and informed her of the promise Johnny made. The kid has four siblings so the parents nagged and nagged until they got something for each of the kids from Johnny's films. The 12 year old who is called Jack Taylor by his parents, but you know he is a JT to his friends got the hat, a signed note from Johnny and a bunch of stuff from Willy Wonka that the studio had laying around.

Look, I am all for celebrities keeping their promises, but if you read this article it sounds to me like these parents were going to chew Johnny a new one if he didn't follow through. They were going to the press and going to say bad things about him. They barely say anything nice about him even though he came through for all of the kids.

The parents seem to me to be the kind that are never satisfied about anything, and always complaining. Dad probably dislikes mom and vice versa. They have so many kids because it allows them a bigger buffer between the pair so they don't actually have to interact on any kind of intimacy level. The mom realizes this and so takes out her frustration on customer service agents and the kid who opens the door for you at Olive Garden. Meanwhile dad spends a lot of time in his garden and with his porn collection which is locked down in the basement with his hunting rifles where he whispers over and over to himself about one day his wife is going to push him too far.

Purity Ring? What Purity Ring?

I've never been a big fan of the purity ring, and even less so when the wearer makes a big deal of it in public. Combine all that with the wearer being a celebrity and it just all gets to be a bit too much crap one has to wade through.

Purity rings aren't new by any means. I mean they were around when I was growing up and the people who were wearing them were not any more pure than a person not wearing them. The only difference was that the wearer usually had their parents fooled so if you were going to have sex with one you needed to do so someplace other than the wearer's house.

The fact that the three Jonas Brothers have gone out of their way to remind us repeatedly about their purity rings has been annoying. Not as annoying as Britney Spears repeatedly claiming she was a virgin, but close. The problem I have with the rings is that even if one of the guys does decide to have sex, do you think he is going to shout out to the world that he had sex with as much vigor as he has been proclaiming his abstinence? Hell no. He will keep wearing the ring and will be a raging hypocrite.

Hey, everyone is a hypocrite at some point, but all of their fans will see the rings and wonder how they can stay so pure while their fans cannot seem to. Their fans start feeling bad for themselves and think they are somehow inferior to the band, when in fact the band are running around getting laid left and right, but in order to keep their image, are pretending otherwise.

The reason I brought all this up is that one of the brothers, I believe it is Joe, although I don't know which one that is, gets all hot and bothered thinking of Cheryl Tweedy Cole Tweedy Cole.

"Oh my God, Cheryl Cole! All of Girls Aloud are beautiful but Cheryl is just like, wow!"

Yeah, let me know how long that whole purity thing lasts if Cheryl decided to do Joe Jonas. Cheryl standing there naked, and Joe Jonas reminding himself to be pure? Please give me a f**king break. After he has sex, do you think he will still proclaim his purity? F**k yeah which makes it all the worse. If you want to be pure or abstain, fine. Do what you will and what makes you feel good, but keep it to yourself. Just like you wouldn't run around calling yourself a slut, you don't need to advertise that you are Mr. Purity either.

Daily Mirror Blind Item

Which TV neurotic presenter insists on direct eye contact at all times?

If any of the production team fails to do so, she instructs the hapless director to give them the boot...

Today's Blind Items

#1 - I just have to say that some of my favorite gossip are the items where we have someone who was all sweet and innocent and on a tween show and now they are just up for absolutely anything. When they can be a home wrecker to boot it is just that much better. We are going to have to go C list for all three of these people, but it is a really fun one. #1 is an actress who was the co-star of a huge tween show on a network. Makes it better than the tween shows on all the cable channels. Even though she was on the tween show and played a tween, the funny thing is she was already well out of her teens. Since then she has done a little of this and a little of that and got married. For #2 we have another actress. Foreign born. Parents are very famous dramatic actors. #2 really has not done a whole bunch, but then again she is really young. Legal, but young. #3 is an actor. Not much of an actor. More known for his body and his on/off celebrity girlfriend. I would describe the celebrity girlfriend but that just seems like too many people. Most of you would know who she is though. So, #1,#2, and #3 had themselves a little on set romance. Yes, all three are in the same film. Makes it easier. Started with #2 and #3, but then when #1 and #3 got involved he got all three of them together. #2 was not very good at keeping this discreet and so now #1 is in the middle of a divorce and #3 is on double secret probation for the 20th time with his celebrity girlfriend. #2 just got fake breasts.

Random Photos Part One - With A Reader Photo

I am aware of the little glitch when the website loads. I hate it as much as you do. After taking things off and adding them back, I think, and hope it is the vintage clothing ad in the middle right. That ad is scheduled to say adios tomorrow I think so hopefully things will go back to normal. If they do, then at that time I will put back the technorati widget which I really love. I'm glad that was not the culprit. Now, on with the photos.



Ben Affleck gets the top spot. Not so much for him, but just because I like the photo, it was for charity, and it looks like he is having a great time. Plus, hey, it was in Canada, so you know, have to suck up to all of you Canadians.

I have no idea what Alesha Dixon was thinking when she posed like this. Some kind of gang sign? Sharing with the world her love for shadow puppets?
Christine Baranski talking smack to the photographers on the red carpet. When I first typed this, I went too quickly and it read taking smack. As much fun as that would be to see someone doing it on the red carpet, I don't think Christine is a likely candidate for doing it.

Boyzone - Liverpool
You know if I were Bradley Whitford's wife, Jane Kaczmarek, I would think that perhaps my husband was being just a touch too handsy and intimate with Molly Ward. Am I out of line?
This is probably the best Brooke Shields has looked in some time.
I think Laura Linney is telling Barry Bostwick to remove his hand from her ass.
Sometimes Daniel Radcliffe looks 25 and sometimes he looks 13. This is a 13 kind of day.

If I'm Debi Mazar's kids, I definitely do not ever want to have her pissed at me.
Dave Foley hasn't missed too many meals. Remember how skinny they all were on Kids In The Hall?
Death Cab For Cutie - Manchester, TN
Chris O'Donnell looks really good. If I had as many kids as he does, I would be even closer to death than I already am.
James - Isle Of Wight

As much as I love Idina Menzel and Taye Diggs, I must admit I am more fascinated by how the hell that necklace stays in place.
Herbie Hancock - Los Angeles
I don't think Gabriel Byrne has ever been in the photos and that is a damn shame. Love him. With him is Ana George who I don't think has ever even been mentioned prior to this.
The one and only Duncan Sheik wearing his famous Julio Iglesias suit.

Mel C with what is possible the world's biggest umbrella. See, if they were all this big, then you would need someone to carry an umbrella for you. Damn that is huge. It is almost as big as Jennifer Aniston's ego.

Two of the funniest women ever. Hell, not just women. Two of the funniest people ever. Lily Tomlin and Andrea Martin.
This wasn't the best photo of Liza Minelli from the night and I hope she will forgive me. I just love the look on the face on the guy from Extra. They all look like they are auditioning for Kneepads Magazine though.
You know, I think I actually like Laurie Metcalf's dress. At first I was going to make some kind of comment about a kilt factory in Scotland blowing up, but I have to admit it looks ok.
Patrick Stewart with someone over the age of 20. Scandalous, I tell you.
Pierce Brosnan without a shirt. I know, I know but you have to take things slowly. You just can't show peen on a Monday, you have to wait for it and work through to Friday.

New Kids On The Block is not really appropriate anymore is it?
Best I have seen Marisa Tomei look in a long time and I heard she laid off the booze at the after party. Good for her.
Mandy Patinkin has one big bush on his face. It needs some serious trimming.
Mary McCormack and Gina Gershon together for the price of one. Not that you could buy them. I mean maybe you could but you would have to be a billionaire or something.
Didn't we see a Captain Kangaroo jacket on someone else a few weeks ago? Are they making a comeback? Jada has turned Will Smith into a guy who looks like he is pushing 60.

You know I love Virginia Madsen. Love her, love her, but this just does not look good at all.
The Police - Isle Of Wight
It has been awhile since we have seen Salma Hayek.
This is an interesting photo. The person on the right is a reader circa 1990. She is also one of the site's spies. Her idea, not mine.

Daily Mirror Blind Item

Which hairy lothario woos women with his nerdy knowledge of the internet, then invites them back to his room for nookie?

The Whore Opens Wide Again

I told myself that I wouldn't talk about the Whore aka Kim Kardashian again. She doesn't deserve any attention. The problem is that people continue to watch her show and then believe everything she says and want to live the kind of life she lives. Thanks to Connie though and others who send me excerpts, I just couldn't stop myself today.

When we last checked in with W, she was bitching about her Bentley and other stupid whiny stuff. Today though we see just how ridiculous W's life is.

This is from her website. "We just had a very long press day in France... It started at 8:30 a.m. in the morning and lasted until 5:00 p.m.!

All in all, it was very exciting because we got the awesome opportunity to meet with almost every radio station, television show, newspaper and magazine in the country! They are still in season one of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Isn't that funny!?

I wore a cute yellow Black Halo dress and Guiseppe Zanotti shoes, while Kourtney wore a lilac-colored Michelle Mason dress. Both of our dresses are from DASH!"

So, let me get this straight. 830am to 5pm is a long day? I checked their schedule by the way and they did have a 90 minute lunch and at least three 15 minute breaks over the course of this 8.5 hour day.

Ummm, W. Do you know how many hours most people work each day? I know you don't actually have any workers in your store even though you plug it every chance you get. But, if you did have something worth selling and your stores were open, most of the people in your stores would work an 8 hour day.

I don't even want to guess how many hours the people in the sweatshops are working to make the ugly clothes you are wearing, but I'm guessing it is more than 8.5 and I'm also guessing the last time they had 90 minutes off for lunch was probably when they were being forced to have sex with their supervisor to keep their job. OK, maybe that is too far. They could have had 90 minutes off while they took a bus or walked from one horrible job to another so they could keep their family fed while you fretted about whether or not Reggie is really cheating on you and whether or not you should go ahead and buy another $100,000 car.

Well one thing you need to do is start looking at more recent fashion magazines because everything you are wearing on your site is at least a year old, if not more. Are you shopping at celebrity garage sales for your clothes?

What I want from you W is to just shut up. I don't ever want you to write anything else on your website. You embarrass yourself and you embarrass me when you write because we both happen to live in the same city, state and country. Find a publicist to do your writing and you just concentrate on tricking Reggie into marrying you. You have nothing worth writing about or talking about and even your biggest fans know you are nothing but a gold digging idiot.

Instead of just linking to the 830-5 post, I linked to the entire website and I encourage each one of you to leave as many comments as possible on each of her posts. I know you will have trouble deciding which one you hate most, but give it a shot. I do especially enjoy the one where she tries to convince herself that Reggie isn't cheating on her all the time. She doesn't do a very good job of selling it though. There is no way she is throwing away Reggie. He could f**k half of New Orleans right in front of her and she isn't going to give up that money.

I've Lost All Respect For Victoria Beckham

Victoria Beckham goes up and down on my whether or not I like her meter. Not up and down on my meter as in something sexual because that would be wrong. She's married and has kids and would probably pop and blow up like a balloon if someone actually touched her.

No, what I'm talking about is that sometimes she does such a good job of selling herself that I start to like her. I do this in spite of the fact that she continues to be the worst tipper in LA, is friends with Katie Holmes, blamed everyone but herself when her clothing line bombed, and never smiles unless she is getting paid.

But now I don't think there is any way she can be redeemed because, get ready for it, she had sex repeatedly with Corey Haim. I know. And guess what? He dumped her. I didn't even know they had a serious thing and she had been f**king him on a daily basis and took him to meet the parents and everything. I guess this story first made the rounds last year, but I didn't see it. I think Corey wasn't happy either because he is the one who is running out giving interviews everywhere just talking about this and their relationship.

Haim says they were soul mates even though he couldn't stand the way she kissed, hated her band, hated her friends and hated anything she liked. Yep, that is the definition of soul mates. Looked it right up in the delusional addict dictionary.

This all took place in 1995 and as I recall Corey Haim was probably at his most f**ked up at that point so to think Victoria was doing the nasty with him is pretty damn sad. Did the other Corey come watch? God I hope she used protection. No, not for her sake, but if they didn't, then when she and David finally do break up he is going to be forced to date people who have whatever Corey has/had and have to sleep with people like Lindsay and Paris. Can you imagine David and Paris?

Paris could have four kids with that Benji dude and have been married for years and if David Beckham made a move on her she would walk out on all that in a second with no turning back.

This Is Why All Of Her Films Bomb

Publicity for a film is what gets people into the seats. I know it's hard to believe, but most people are not as informed as you and find out about films when the participants pose for magazine covers or show up on television to a talk show.

As you know, Jennifer Aniston probably has the worst ratio of dollars spent to dollars earned in the history of film making and so you would think besides f**king John Mayer for the cameras that she would want to do anything at this point to have one of her films make a buck.

Well, not really. According to Life&Style this week, Jennifer and the female cast of He's Just Not That Into You had a photo shoot for Marie Claire. The one tiny issue was that even though there are at least four female leads, Jennifer Aniston wanted to be the focus of the photo. She also refused to pose if Jennifer Connelly was there.

Just because Brad Pitt had the biggest crush on Jennifer in the past is no reason to exclude her. Or are you excluding her because she can actually act? Are you jealous because there is no way on this earth that you will ever win an Academy Award except as part of a divorce settlement? It just isn't going to happen and you need to realize it. Maybe if you would allow her to be on the cover someone would actually want to come see the film and not be instantly repelled.

I hate when people do this s**t. What the f**k kind of ego have you developed where you want to dictate who is in a photo with you and who isn't. That is the worst kind of childish diva behavior and anyone doing it should immediately be placed on whatever shame pile there is and all their movies should be consigned to being an insert in a Girls Gone Wild goodie bag.

Can you imagine being at your office and the boss wants to get some photos of the office personnel for the website and you refuse because you don't want to be associated with someone in the office. Can you say fired? Instead with an actor, the people just coddle and agree with the actress and demand the other one be removed. If you can think of a whim, someone will fulfill it. They might not make you any money and your trailers may ever smell like pot, but you will still get a full blast of diva for your money.

What Would You Do For $2M?

There isn't that much I wouldn't do for $2M. I do know that no matter how f**ked up in general I was, I would show up not f**ked up because I wouldn't want to do anything to jeopardize that $2M and the possibilities it would provide for future f**kups.

I also know that I would have more respect for my fans than keeping them waiting for two hours after they had been outside watching performances for 12 hours already.

Over the weekend there were two instances of performers who just think they are better than everyone else and therefore don't give a s**t about their fans or the people who buy their records.

Originally Kanye West had been scheduled to play Bonnaroo at 815p on Saturday night. Then, in the last week he said that he wouldn't play unless he got to go on last. This of course was after the lineup had already been set for everyone else.

Kanye was originally scheduled to go on at around 145am. However, Pearl Jam was having such a good time that they played an extra hour and didn't even get off the stage until 115am. Kanye being Kanye said that he wanted his full stage setup even though it would take three hours to set it up. Three f**king hours when it is already 115am?

Kanye West went on stage at 425am. By that time the only people left to see him were people who had taken so many drugs they were catatonic, people who only wanted to yell Kanye Sucks during the entire set, and those who wanted to throw crap at him. When it is 2am, I think the fans would be okay with just performing. They don't need your entire ego boost to be happy. The thing about festival crowds is they usually like music and not the self gratification that Kanye needs each night.

Now, on to Amy Winehouse. Not actually on her mind you because if you were to get on her, I think that immediately body parts would start to rot. Plus, I bet her breath is something awful. Some Russian dude paid her $2M for twenty minutes in Moscow. No, not for a quickie, but rather to sing and perform. He would have been better off with the quickie. She was late, stoned out of her mind and nearly fell down half a dozen times during her set. No one could understand a word she said or sang, and one wonders how the hell she even got into the country.

Organizers wanted to cancel her, but it seems that Amy wisely had been paid upfront and so they were stuck with her. I hope she enjoyed that payday because she is never going to get another like it. When you don't respect your fans or understand that $2M for 20 minute paydays don't grow on trees, then you deserve whatever you get. If you are so f**ked up in general that you can't even stay somewhat sober for four hours or so then you seriously need to be somewhere else besides a stage. You also better save that money because you are going to need it if all those rumors about your health are true.

Sex, A Broken Toe, And The Tony's.

I don't know if you noticed it last night at the Tony Awards, but Mary Louise Parker had a broken toe. I know, I know, you didn't watch them either. Honestly, I bet most everyone didn't even know they were on. You may have flipped through all the channels and said to yourself, "hey, the Tony's," but you didn't know they were there before you flipped.

I actually used to enjoy watching the Tony Awards, but then I realized all the awards went to the most popular shows. If something like that happened in the movies, you would see Star Wars and Spiderman and Adam Sandler cleaning up. Last night I think South Pacific won something like 7 awards. Ummm. How many times can one play win awards. What? It goes away for five years, and then can come back and win some more and do that for eternity? Hardly seems like a ticket to finding new and original shows for audiences.

Anyway, I digress. Ahhh who cares. I had this big long thing planned about Mary Louise Parker and her broken toe because there just is not much going on today. Oh, you want to know how she broke it? Well she was filming a sex scene for Weeds and was into it so much that she slammed her foot up against the bed frame thereby breaking her big toe.

If she is this into it in her show, can you imagine what she's like in real life? The director used the footage and if he's smart he should time it and wait for that scream which you know must have come out of her mouth when she broke the toe. Now that's acting.

NY Daily News Blind Item

Which starlet with an often-troubled boyfriend actually plays for the other team — and puts up with her boy toy's habits to maintain hetero appearances?