Full Frontal Friday

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Four For Friday - Quick And Dirty - Mostly Dirty

#1 - Besides being a drunken buffoon, this A list actor has caused quite the stir at one of the gated complexes in which he lives. Seems he is a big fan of long walks at night. The thing is, his walks seem to always call for a break whenever he sees an open window that he can peer through. Doesn't seem to be all about sex. He just likes walking up to open windows and looking in. Neighbors don't appreciate it very much, although so far it has only involved private security and not the cops.

#2 - Mild mannered on and off screen, this aging, but not old, former Academy Award winning actor has a favorite haunt. He loves this S&M club. Although his name is on the membership records, when he is at the club or an event he always wears a mask the entire time and has everyone call him Steve. His favorite activities always have to include redheads. Don't know why, just one of his kinks apparently.

#3&4 - This male television A-lister and C+ film lister has a unique game. How many different women he can have sex with in 24 hours? No hookers allowed. Has to be women he picks up. So far his current record is 7. His male co-star with a steady girlfriend keeps track. Oh, and the girlfriend knows and thinks it is hot. Her word, definitely not mine.

Random Photos Part One

I figure why not start out with some of your favorites, although I think we will all admit that when Jeremy Piven takes a better photo than Gerard Butler your weekend might not be starting off as well as one could hope. But look you can have Guy Ritchie or Ludacris if you prefer.

Dick Cavett almost made it to the top, because, well lets face it, he is Dick Cavett.

Someone who will never make it to the top unless he is caught on film naked in a men's room in a park is Dane Cook.
Carmen, Carmen, Carmen. I thought we were beyond the whole need to look hot even though 40 is around the corner thing. I mean this is just not classy. This screams Mariah Carey and not in a good way.
Obviously Jesse McCartney is showing us how many brain cells he has left which is his only excuse for whatever the hell he is wearing.

See, this is a reality couple I can get behind. I mean Jenna Morasca and Ethan Zohn have been going out forever and unlike Speidi, you would probably want to hang out with this couple.
Jennifer Lopez's first experiment with making her own clothes was not the fashion success she hoped it would be.
"So, then the goat said to me, grab me by the horns and I will make you a king."
Feist - New York
Well if she doesn't stop stealing other boyfriends, Green is going to be the next black & blue. Seriously. Shanna Moakler will beat Kim Kardashian down, and now it looks like Reggie won't be there to help Kim back up.

Kelsey Grammer looks remarkably good for a guy who said he died two weeks ago.
Hell, I must be in a good mood because Kevin Costner looks good.
And then he ruins it by hiring out himself to play at his own after party. Remarkably, four or even five people stayed to watch him play.
Jessica Simpson looks nice. There I said it. She does actually though. Must have found out John is going to be over at Pete's place this weekend.
Wow, someone who doesn't look so good. Damn Quentin.

Well the wig looks just as fake as the rest of Paula.
Swear this is true. Nicole Richie wore this to yoga class.
This man is by far the bravest man on the planet. He is dating Naomi Campbell.
Awww. I miss Mare Winningham. Does anyone know if she ever made it into double digits with kids? I could look it up, but laziness runs through my family. I blame sugar.

About ever six months I like to post a photo of Victoria Silvstedt just so I can see what alterations she has made to her body. Entire teams of plastic surgeons can buy countries based on what she has spent.

The Music - Incheon, Korea
The Go! Team - Incheon, Korea
She'll have a boyfriend by mid-August, and if not the tabs will find one for her.
Rush - Noblesville, IN

Daily Mirror Blind Item

Which mis-matched celebrity couple hate having their photo taken in public because of their ridiculous height difference?

Ask Elizabeth Berkley

MTV has apparently taken an interest in the workshops that Elizabeth Berkley does all across the country for teenage girls to help them with their self-esteem and also to answer questions they may have which they don't want to ask their parents. MTV is going to shoot a pilot based on the workshops. Now, from what I understand, Elizabeth's workshops are actually quite useful, but I'm just thinking that with the tendency of MTV to spice things up, that the questions will tend to be how shall I say spicier?

Of course, these are all imaginary, but since the girls involved in the questioning only know Elizabeth through a few projects, I can just imagine what she will be asked.

"When you rub makeup on your nipples to make them stand out, what shade should it be?"

"When you film a sex scene in a swimming pool, are there any special things I should know about first?"

"Did Screech ever make a pass at you?"

"Did Al Pacino tip you well when you played that hooker in Any Given Sunday?"

"In Student Seduction you played a teacher who was accused of being sexually attracted to a student. Has a teacher ever hit on you?"

"Have you ever picked up random guys to have sex with like you did in Meet Market? Why do you keep playing these roles?"

Ummm, so why again are these girls supposed to be looking up to Elizabeth Berkley?

Randy Pausch Revisted

I know that I posted Randy Pausch's last lecture a few months ago, but with his death today, I thought it would be a good time to share it again. If you haven't seen the video, or even if you have, I think it is something that everyone can benefit from repeatedly. I give Oprah a whole bunch of crap, but I will say that she could have pulled the video off of YouTube from her show, but has chosen not to. I appreciate that, and hope that you will take Randy's lessons to heart. RIP Randy, and to his wife and three kids, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

$40,000 Is What Lil Kim's Life Is Worth

Although I'm sure my biography would probably bring me an advance sufficient enough to get me a McDonald's kid's meal, it is funny to see how much book publishers think celebrities are worth when it comes to book advances. You always hear about the multi-million dollar advances and the amounts paid for baby pictures to the stars is always crazy.

So, it must come as quite a shock to Lil Kim and Foxy Brown that their lives are worthless in celebrity terms, at least according to book publishers.

Both Kim and Foxy were sued yesterday because Simon & Schuster had given them some money in advance for the to write their biographies. Kim was given $40,000 and Brown was given $75,000. That's it?

To me it seems kind of insulting. Although I'm sure I wouldn't know half the people they would spill about, you would think that their stories would be much more interesting than say what Madonna's brother had to say. I mean both of these women have been in jail multiple times. They have had some crazy ass relationships, and in the case of Foxy Brown appear to actually be crazy.

I would love to read about what the hell they had to do or who they had to do to get their records made. I don't care if I don't know who the hell they are talking about as long as it's good. If I were them and got that chump change I wouldn't bother writing the damn book either. To me its saying, hey if I was some white chick celebrity who gave birth to the 600th celebrity kid I would be worth $1M, but because I'm going to tell you about the four guys who made me blow them in the recording studio to get a good song then you just aren't going to pay. Personally I've seen enough baby photos. Let me hear about Kim and her take on the East Coast/West Coast rap wars and who the hell she thinks killed Tupac.

$40,000? That's like Foxy Brown's legal bills for a week.

At this point I think the whole world is tired of the same kind of gossip and I want to hear some really good juice. If Karrine Steffans can keep me interested with her book, then I know both of these would even be better. So, instead of suing the women, promise them even more money if they do come through and write the books and give me some damn dirt.

"A Giant F**king Orgasm"

Well we know how Christopher Ciccone feels about his new book about his sister Madonna. The above quote was given to MSNBC in an interview he did about his new book. Apparently he wrote it because he needed the money and had not originally started to write it for anything other than money. But, then something happened.

He said the thought of making her squirm was what kept him going throughout the process of writing the book.

Here is what I think the whole damn thing is about. I actually think that he and Madonna are not as much on the outs as everyone has been saying. I think it is way too much of a coincidence that all these Madonna stories flooding the internet right as she launches her tour just happened to occur.

I mean what does his book reveal? Not really all that much we didn't know in the first place. Oh sure, there have may have been some detail to the stories we all heard before, but the thing is we had heard the stories before. Christopher said he had to leave out the juicy stuff because of the lawyers and editors. I'm not buying it. Truth is a defense to defamation and if he was there, and saw it, then he doesn't really have anything to fear. How did he time the book to coincide with her tour? If they were so on the outs how did he know she would be touring? I think the whole A-Rod thing, the book, the marriage and all of the other goodies that have been floated out there are just one massive PR blitz to sell tickets. One last masterful manipulation of the press by Madonna.

The problem is it still isn't working and ticket sales suck.

Has anyone else noticed that Madonna has ignored the book? Madonna ignoring free press? No statements condemning it or her brother. Nothing. Just crickets.

I wouldn't even be surprised if in the next month or so there is some Kneepads cover with both Christopher and Madonna talking about how all of this controversy has brought them together and reunited them as a family. Throw in some mystery illness of their father and you have a real tear jerker to give the world as a finale.

Ted C Blind Item

OK, was going to do the Blind Vice story on the Academy Award-friendly actress who thinks her cats can read, which is why she has their names written on their separate litter boxes, but that tale simply pales in comparison to Toothy Tile, who’s back and gayer than, like, ever! Dude’s losin’ his recent, overly prissy, shy shit and gettin’ his non-Nellie nerve back on (much to everyone’s surprise, just not mine).

See, ol’ Tooth, our fave partner in sex-in-public crime is being just as brazen, only with words, not his crotch. The pretty boy (man, on occasion) is gleefully telling more than a few gossipy girls—which means boys, natch, in highly exaggerated fagola speak, but then, I’m sure you already knew that, hon-cakes—that he’s quite aware the hunt for his identity is on. And has been for sometime. Says he enjoys it, even. Who wouldn’t, really? Especially if you’re dead certain your identity will never be revealed. Yep, that’s right.

T2 says he’s havin’ such a fab gay ol’ experience of it all because he’s “sure,” as it’s been relayed to this columnist, that the true identity of Mr. Tile will never, ever be discussed by yours truly. Oh, really? Is that so?

Just don’t count on it, bud. What with the myriad lies to the public (I mean, really, you’re as bad about your true sexual persuasion as Cathy Douglas is with her age), you're on thin vice, babe, so watch it.

Today's Blind Items

#1 - This former female reality star and now just a D list wannabe decided to make a move on the mahogany one also known as Ronaldo. She offered her services to him for the evening at a reasonable $5000 at which point he laughed and laughed and said, "Look around. Look at me. Why would I pay for anyone?"

#2 - Speaking of reality stars. I've heard this twice today, but since it isn't Christmas I can't believe it until I see it. Could it be that our athlete has finally seen the light and broken it off with the reality star I cannot stand.

Random Photos Part One

It takes a special moment for a music photo to get the top spot, but this seems to be so random and so unusual that it is definitely worth the spot.

Fergie & Slash - Las Vegas

Three different brands of spray tan for your selection. Adrian Grenier's looks the most natural. Jamie Pressley's looks outrageous and Kevin Connelly, well lets just say I'm glad Kevin finally got some sun or its chemical equivalent.
I know Amanda Peet upset some of you last week, and so feel free to say what you have to say. That is her mom Penny by the way. Yes, Amanda is my friend, but hey, she is a big girl and she can handle what you have to say.
Now, I don't mean to be a party pooper. Does anyone use that term anymore? Anyway, this is the second consecutive year that Bindi has got this big birthday party at Australia Zoo. Great, fantastic, but what about the little brother? Is he stuck at home with some brownies and a DVD of Crocodile Dundee?
Happy birthday Daniel Radcliffe. I'm guessing the woman behind him isn't going to be buying him a gift however.

See, X-Files means I get to see photos of Diane Kruger everyday for awhile and that is never a bad thing.
Well I'm looking forward to X-Files so much that I'm actually not even going to say anything bad about David Duchovny. In fact there is a little tribute to him later in the post.
Cafe Tacuba - Mexico City
You know I have to admit that it doesn't surprise me one bit to find that Bai Ling has that tattoo there. Instead of the tiger though I did expect maybe like a McDonalds logo with the words over one billion served or something.
Apparently no one told Joanna Angel that pens are the preferred way to autograph books.

Keeping Up With The Kardashians Ten Year Reunion Show
How can it be X-Files without Gillian Anderson.
So, you get her twice. I really wanted to keep running with that thought, but hey, it's Gillian and so that would be wrong of me, at least in writing.
At some point, I think there needs to be a federal agency entrusted with the job of determining at what point in age and weight that the following can be worn: Spandex; thongs; and leather pants.

Linkin Park as you probably have never seen them.

Luis Guzman looks like the front runner for the 2008 Jack Black Belly Challenge.
Don't worry about it puppy. You aren't the first creature that hasn't wanted to go home with Lily Allen. Although, I will admit she does look good here.
Thrilled aren't they? Have you read the reports about the dinner? Apparently they kept feeding each other bites of their food. Well as you all probably know by now, guys don't feed anything to women or offer any of their food to women after about date 3. Sure, if you guilt us into it we might let you taste something. Might. So, the idea of Justin doing it all throughout dinner willingly just shows me it is all for show.
Garry Shandling and David Duchovny together again. Don't remember? Shame, shame.




No visible leash or collar for Nick Cannon. Do you think Mariah has some kind of electronic thing which gives him a shock if he strays too far from her?

Hey, if you win Miss Universe, I think that you should get at least one shot in the photos.
Mitch Pileggi how I have missed you.
Molotov - Mexico City
Martin Landau almost got the top spot because, well lets face it, he's great. Love him.

If you have to suffer with a photo of Fergie by herself you should at least get Slash in a bathrobe to make up for it. I think that is in the Constitution somewhere.

Sheryl Crow - Nashville
Lloyd!!! I know I always say the same thing when there is a Rex Lee photo, but all of you are thinking the same thing anyway.
Perry Ferrell and his lovely wife Etty.
OK GO - Los Angeles
Yevgeny Sudbin - London

Xzibit may want to get those pants lengthened just a little.
You know Tommy Davidson is just one hell of a guy. I mean when you go to a club, the first thing you think of doing is showing off your chest too right?
Botox or just a smile that won't quit?
Well at least the wax Tyra and the real Tyra have the same personality.

She's Got To Make A Living

The NY Post is reporting today that The Hooker was back to her old tricks on Tuesday as she and a married father of two spent the day together, and then decided to go ahead and get a hotel room together for the night.

Now look. I am all about Ashley Dupre needing to make a living and honestly, if she wants to run tricks I think that is much better than being some kind of personal slave to Joe Francis which appears to be her other option.

This post is more directed to the guy involved here who the NY Post says is TJ Earle who lives just two miles from Ashley and did all this while his wife and kids were at home wondering where Daddy was. I don't know if this guy just decided he could afford it so he was going to see what the Governor found so fascinating about Ashley or that he doesn't care about his wife and family any more or what? Unless he is the dumbest ass wad on the planet he must have known that being out with the most famous hooker in the world in the middle of the media capital of the world at the swankiest hotel in New York was probably going to get you noticed and blasted on the front pages of the paper.

So, that little lie you told the wife about playing some golf or the asphalt conference in Hoboken is going to be pretty much shot when the wife opens up the paper or has one of her million friends call her and tell her. She's going to look stupid and all you are going to have to show for it is a lighter wallet and a sex date who was famous for having unprotected sex.

Good times.

But Did Screech Get Some?

A Dustin Diamond tell all about Saved By The Bell "promises to detail sexual escapades among cast members, drug use, and hardcore partying."

Cool. So you know I am in, and will be reading it, but I think we all need to really carefully think about whether we should be reading it or not. Do you really want to know if Screech got some during filming, and does the person who let him really want to live with the shame and embarrassment for the rest of their lives. Oh, I think for the rest of the post it is going to be using their Saved By The Bell character names.

Does anyone think Mr. Belding got some? From Screech maybe?

Zach and AC definitely did it, and I'm guessing Jessie did everyone as did Zach.

Now what is most interesting to me is wondering what if anything Leah Remini did while on the set for 8 episodes and if we can expect some COS smackdown if word gets out about what she may have done and if she confessed them all to COS. Oh, wouldn't it be sweet and she didn't and she would have to give up her Royal Xenu post to Jada.

Lets not forget that Tori Spelling was on the show for a few episodes and Scott Wolf. Bridgette Wilson was on it and Patrick Muldoon.

Good thing Dustin didn't really have any kind of career going for him anyway because this book will put a nail in any kind of coffin to try and make a comeback. He'll be doing stand up and sex tapes with ugly groupies for the rest of his life.

Mindy McCready Is The Dana Plato Of Our Time

Whenever I see another story about Mindy McCready I am constantly reminded of Dana Plato. Both celebrities reached a level of success at an early age that gave them a taste of both fame and money, but they could never duplicate it again. Dana had Different Strokes and a bunch of meaningless stuff where she was forced to strip and make out with women on film to make a buck. Reality television was not as prevalent in her time or else I think we would have seen her take that road for awhile. Unfortunately there were not very many choices available and it seemed like when she did have a chance, drugs would bring her back down again until they finally took her life.

Mindy is on the same path. I think it is only by good luck that she has not already died. She is chasing the fame that she achieved so easily and as a consequence is shocked when it doesn't keep coming. Apparently Mindy had taken up with some random guy over the past few months and got pregnant, had a miscarriage and is now back in a rehab facility. I'm not actually even sure how she can afford it, but apparently there must be someone willing to take a chance on her and so is paying for a celeb rehab place instead of some court ordered one which is where she was definitely headed.

There isn't any snark here because I just think it is just a tragedy. Sure, it is played out in every home or neighborhood all across the world, but it just seems so worse when you see it play out right in front of your eyes and to watch them become something you would have never imagined them to become when they first started.

Maybe A 25 Year Old Man--Maybe

Wow two in a row about Star. The cover of Star this week says that Matthew Broderick has been cheating on the mole-less one Sarah Jessica Parker with some 25 year old redhead. Oh, they say the redhead is a woman.

Not buying it. You tell me that he is doing a man dressed as a woman then I might believe it. Forget everything about anything you have ever heard or speculated about SJP and Matthew Broderick. Open marriage, beard, loving committed marriage, whatever. Doesn't matter for the sake of this post. What does matter is this. What is one of the best indicators that a man is having an affair whether it be with a man or a woman?

He changes his style or appearance or starts buying new clothes. Something that indicates he is actually trying again. I know you ladies might find it hard to believe, but some of us men have been known to kind of give up after we get into a relationship. I know, I know, that hard, youthful body with a full head of hair has given way, well to something that makes you want to cry yourself to sleep at night.

Have you seen the photos I have been posting of Matthew Broderick over the past six weeks? If anything the guy has got more lazy, not less. His clothes are horrible and his appearance makes him look like he gives up a little more each day. At this point I'm wondering how come he hasn't broken out the sweats or the Zubaz pants. (BTW, they are making a comeback)

What I do think is that people forget that during the run of The Producers, Matthew was photographed out with a young redhead then. Or was she a brunette? Who the hell cares, but he was. Now, maybe he is allowed to get a little on the side, or maybe it is all made up to make him look more manly, or maybe he finds them and brings them home to SJP. The thing is the facts of this are just really similar to the story from last year.

You read the article here, and then you decide.

Kissing Your Grandmother Isn't Dating

I'm going to give you a description of a kiss knowing that the description is heavily weighted in favor of supporting a story that a couple is newly dating.

'_______ kissed _________ with a closed mouth on the corner of his lips.

'There was definitely a bit of caressing going on. She was clutching his arm. The body language was very romantic.'

Now in those blanks I want you to insert Grandma kissed grandson. Then if grandma stroked your arm or patted you on the back would it seem odd? Hell no. Now if grandma slipped you the tongue, then that would be odd. Not for the Hogan family, but for the rest of the world it would be.

Of course if there had been tongue, then I wouldn't be writing this now would I? Star Magazine is reporting that Michelle Williams is dating Spike Jonze. Now, honestly they very well could be, but if some lame ass kiss is all they have to support it then this is pretty flimsy. This happened in NY, so maybe things are different there. Here in LA, people kiss their damn garbageman. I really shouldn't say damn garbageman, because honestly I don't need trash dumped all over my car again. I don't think it was intentional, but then again, I also don't think they were too happy about me continually throwing garbage from my car everyday on to the set of Chuck last year either so maybe it was.

In any event, if I were Star and was trying to sell this as romantic I would have left off the closed mouth thing. Just say she kissed him on the lips and was caressing him. That's the way to sell romance. All you are doing with this description is saying that Spike is a friend. You show me a brand new relationship and then show me a kiss like this and I'll show you a picture of Reese and Jake.

I think Michelle deserves some happiness and I'm all for a new relationship. Hell, I love Spike also so I think it would be great for both of them, but this? This doesn't sound like it.

What Is In The Diaries?

Everybody is making a big deal about the fact that the feds have seized Anne Hathaway's diaries which she had over at Raffaello Follieri's place thinking they will provide the answers to everything, from what he did, to whether or not there is life on other planets. It's a crock. I know that as a guy and a a curious bastard that if my girlfriend left her diaries out in the open at my place it would only be a matter of time before they were screaming at me to come open them. They would be beckoning me with all of their secrets and insights. I would read them and then feel guilty for hours but it wouldn't stop me from reading them again when something new was written or to bring up what I read in a fight.

Yeah, yeah, I'm an ass, but you can't tell me that you wouldn't do the same damn thing and everyone knows that. So, my guess is that these diaries are probably appointment planners or something as generic and boring. If they were the big bang, don't you think the feds would have taken them in their 20 other searches of the place?

What I found way more interesting in the NY Daily News article today, but seems to have been glossed over is the fact that Anne may have got lover boy to come back to the US to be arrested by the feds.

The article states that Raffy boy was over in Italy from which he probably would not have been extradited, but was talked into coming back to the US by Anne.

“He was in Europe, working on a deal,” says a source. “He didn’t have to come back to New York. He knew he was being investigated. But she kept calling him, saying they needed to resolve their future. A few days after his return, he was arrested.”

Nice huh? Wonder how that will play out in the film. Did she do it because she made a deal with the feds or did she do it out of revenge or, was it simply that she wanted to break it off with him in person? I'm going with the revenge thing, although making a deal with the feds to save your own skin is not a bad way to go. I mean she is a famous actress and he probably was growing tiresome so she dumps him to save herself, continues to make tons of money and achieve fame and laughs silently as he stews in prison. The problem with that theory is that Raffy isn't going to prison for life for this and if she did sell him out, he is going to be one unhappy dude when he gets out of the clink and will probably sell his version of the story whether true or not to the tabloids. No, hang on. He seems more of a book person. Ghost written with lots of photos of Anne in really compromising positions.

This trial will be really, really good. I think it will easily eclipse the Christie Brinkley thing for juiciness.

Lainey Blind Item

Which actor has been much too egotistical and much too energetic on press tour recently? Let’s start with the ego first:

He’s not exactly Brad Pitt or the GMD on fame terms and still he travels with a crazy security team and insists on sweeping every location before he will enter. Who the f&ck are you??? Even his own management is snickering at his grossly exaggerated sense of entitlement – hit movies don’t necessarily equate to international superstardom, and while his box office might be lucrative, his celebrity status is decidedly modest.

Still…he insists on super stealth, secret service style maneuvers, and has hilariously mandated that while in public he be referred to by “code name” only. It becomes even funnier when the newly single megalomaniac happens upon an attractive woman. The woman is hustled through stairwells and hallways before their tryst – a procedure so elaborate that last week, his chosen partner for the evening ended up so rattled by the time she arrived at his room, she was no longer in the mood to participate.

And his paranoia is getting worse. It started out as a quirk - several weeks ago he was enthusiastic and perhaps a little particular, but not a paranoid freak. A little blow here and there for extra energy though has become more of a habit and he is getting CRANKED at work. To the point where more than a few journalists have remarked about his over-animated behaviour, as a timid reporter from Asia was frightened and confused during an interview when he became angry at her for refusing to sing karaoke with him. Sorry…I’m a bitch. I had to laugh about that.

Be thankful, dude, for a good publicity team. And for the fact that at the end of the day, it’s really only you.

Today's Blind Items

#1 - This one really shouldn't be a blind, but I told them I would keep it kind of secret. Didn't say how hard the secret would be though. These two actors are on an NBC dramedy and think they are keeping their relationship hush hush. Nothing juicy. I mean she is divorced and he is single. It's just funny that the only people on the set who think it is a secret are the couple themselves.

#2 - Now for something juicier and we will stay at NBC. This time a comedy where the two stars of this hit show used to laugh and get along and just be best pals. Well best pals to the extent people can fake being best pals. However now it is to the point where the only time they communicate is through their lines on the set. The other problem is that other cast members are having to pick sides and if you speak to one, then the other won't speak to you. Yes, these are adults.

#3 - Juiciest is that a certain reality winner is supposed to get married. Problem is that his affianced is ignorant of the fact that he has a guy that he has been with since before the show even aired. They had great fun watching the show together, but now don't know what to do about their situation.

Random Photos Part One

Classic Shirley MacLaine pose. It just says Shirley to me. I don't know what it says to Shirley or who is actually saying it, but it is Shirley and as such she is most deserving of the top spot. Oh, and judging by the posters over her shoulder it looks like Daniel Silva has a new book coming out. Love him.
Alicia Arden probably said to herself, "but the sweater makes it look demure and classy." Sure it does. It also says that your inner voice is tuned into the Paris Hilton channel.
Blondie - Liverpool

Kindness items are always welcome, and especially so when they are as lovely as Alicia Witt.
The people who makes these wax things are really, really nice. How about a wax museum devoted to celebrities on their worst days ever. See, that would be worth my time.
Normally I would probably spend a good 300-400 words railing on the City Of Los Angeles for taking liquor money and giving them a star, but I would be hypocritical. After drinking a bottle or two of Absolut, I too have found the cool, smooth tiles of the walk of fame pressed against my cheek to be my friend as well.
You think Alice Cooper looks bad? Imagine if he didn't spend four hours a day in the sunshine walking and playing golf.
Hey Josh Brolin, I still like you. I think going to aid a friend in a bar fight shows that you care about your friends. And hey, who hasn't maybe slipped once or twice out of rehab and wanted to get a little touchy feely with Robin Wright Penn. I mean, I don't understand why Sean got so jealous. I mean, was he thinking of her when he was screwing the two Russian hookers in the hotel with her also staying there. I did notice that Diane didn't make it to this premiere so I hope she's cool with everything. If you need me to, I could talk to her for you. You know, a little dinner or even lunch, just to kind of talk things through.

Dear Calvin Klein.

Genius!!

Sincerely,

EL

Would you believe that is Erykah Badu? I didn't either, but it is her.
So I guess we the permanently brain dead children of the world are supposed to believe that Cheryl Burke and Kelly Monaco just happened to come up with this idea and then the paps just happened to be there.
Because some of you have apparently missed seeing Cisco Adler. I don't know why, and don't know if you have some other issues that you may have in your lives, but here he is.
For those of you who didn't want Cisco Adler, here is Laird Hamilton.

Twice. The second is purely for scientific purposes so you can see how the human body and it's muscles work when you are climbing out of a boat, or holding onto a headboard. Hey now. I just post the photos, what someone is doing in the photos or you think they are doing in the photos is entirely up to each reader's discretion. I don't judge.
Jay Sean - Tokyo
The only time we all can agree we like Jeremy Piven is now, when he is onset and in his Ari Gold character.
James Horan has been a working actor for almost 50 years and I bet this is the first time you have ever seen him or heard of him. He is the definition of a guy who just loves to act. Almost gave him the top spot.
Think Matthew Perry is looking for his new gal-pal. See, just doesn't work does it? Feel like I'm writing for Tiger Beat back in the 70's talking about Shaun Cassidy.

"And then I beat up a homeless guy."
A first time appearance for Melonie Diaz. Very lovely.
I don't think Maria Bello has ever been in the photos and I'm not sure why. She should have been, and I apologize.
Congratulations to Kenneth over at the NBC page office for not only getting that NBC umbrella on the set of an ABC program, but also getting it in photos seen all over the world.

Ronaldo obviously has no fear of skin cancer.

"You shouldn't have cats. We used to have cat, but then she died after scratching our mom to death." wonk, wonk
Paul Blackthorne is another first timer.
Honestly, the very first thing I thought of when I saw Olga and Valentine Rei was that I think we are overdue for a Children Of The Corn sequel.
Twice in a week for Jet Li in the photos must be some kind of record. Of course if you are photographed with Michelle Yeoh your odds improve dramatically of making an appearance.
Trevor Wright demonstrates two of the three things I hate most to see on a red carpet

The third would be a woman blowing a kiss.
The Stranglers - Liverpool
Pregnant dude. That baby is going to be confused as hell.
Today's photo of the couple that makes me feel inadequate goes to Sophie Dymoke and Mathew Goode.

Can't Say That I Blame Her

Lindsay Lohan is still drinking and it isn't even rumor, innuendo or speculation. She actually said it herself. In a recent interview she stated, "these days I drink buckets of green tea and a glass or two of champagne at night."

I honestly can't say I blame her for trying to get a little drunk before heading to bed. I would have a tough time falling asleep if I knew there was some skinny Bob Geldof looking chick in a hat sleeping next to me also. I also suspect that if she is saying a glass or two of champagne, what that translates to is a liter of vodka, straight in order to make that falling asleep process as painless as possible.

The problem with the whole glass or two of champagne theory is there are a hell of a lot more than a glass or two of champagne in a bottle and I don't see Samantha sipping on a glass in the evenings which means they are either throwing away a lot or saving it for the next day. Now, of course she could be referring to the Champagne Of Beers which is of course Miller and highly presumptuous on their part. As far as I can tell the only thing Miller has in common with champagne is they both are slightly yellow, bubbly and will give you a vicious headache if you drink too much. I do however, see Sam sitting back enjoying a cold one and only having one or two of those.

Naaah, lets stick with the liter of vodka thing and them acting out scenes from Freaky Friday.

Daily Mirror Blind Item

Which celebrity hides her booze problem by pouring vodka into a Starbucks coffee cup when she's out shopping?

Pseudo Ex-Sex

Does anyone else think the whole John Mayer/Pete Wentz thing is a little strange? I mean does John Mayer want to have a shot at Ashlee or another shot at Jessica Simpson? Did he see Pete on FFF and so wants a shot with Pete? Does Jessica call Ashlee or Pete and ask how John is doing? Does she find excuses to come over when she knows John is there? What does Tony Romo think? What does Jennifer Aniston think? Do we care what Jennifer Aniston thinks? Does this turn Pimpa on at all?

I mean the possibilities are endless. I have heard of and enjoyed ex-sex, but this kind of seems to be taking it to the extreme. Maybe they are just legitimately fans of each other and friends, but at some point you would think that paths are going to start to cross and things could get awkward. It becomes even more awkward when you realize that Pete Wentz has admitted to kissing guys and then there is that story about Mayer making out with Perez.

It seems to me this just has the making of one big free for all orgy when everyone is sitting around a room watching old episodes of Newlyweds drinking everytime the camera focuses on a puzzled look on Jessica's face. Try it and you will be drunk faster than you ever thought possible. The next thing you know, Pete or John is playing the center and Tony Romo is searching for an imaginary ball between their legs while Jessica and Ashlee sit in a corner and Pimpa is just walking around with a camera or two thinking about how much money he can make if the whole country thing doesn't work out.

Yes, it's crazy, but you have to admit that it is fun to think about.

Justin Was A Rebound

You know it sucks to be a rebound. Really, really sucks. Sometimes you put up with it because you think you can be the one in a million person who can make a rebound relationship work, but they never do. Oh, you might think it is working, but deep down the other person is still thinking of that former lover, and yes, they are even thinking of them while you are doing the dirty.

The other downside is that when you are the one being rebounded with, you are the one who works hardest at the relationship because most of the time the person who has rebounded with you is probably dating down or at least the person feels that way. So, what inevitably happens is that person just gets their heart crushed like no other.

The National Enquirer is reporting this week that Drew Barrymore wants to get back together with Fabrizio Moretti and that the whole time she was with Justin she was thinking of Fabrizio and just wants to be with him marry him and have babies with him.

"Drew just couldn't get Fabrizio out of her mind. She says Justin was great, but what she had with him just wasn't as strong."

"Drew told me, 'I want kids, and I want them pretty soon, and the more I am away from Fabrizio, the more I realize he is the one'."

Justin must be thrilled to know that he was just being used as a plaything while Drew decided what she really wanted. Meanwhile, Justin gave it all and now he is so depressed he is sticking to Kirsten Dunst. I mean, you must be suicidal to contemplate that one because you know she is like flypaper.

Meanwhile, Fabrizio says what the hell, he'll take Drew back. Sure, because there is no downside. It's obvious Drew wants him so he gets her back on his terms and he gets the devoted, do whatever he wants person. This is the opportunity for him to get back at her for any slights she may have done to him during their relationship and totally changes any kind of dynamic they may have had the first time through.

F**k em, I got my own problems and so do you.

Brooke Hogan Is An Idiot

I know the headline kind of says duh, but you know what? She really is an idiot. Did you hear what she had to say in her show about females and voting? First of all she said she really isn't in to voting. Well, I don't know if it is because she is an idiot who doesn't know who is running for things or because she is an idiot who would be confused by what you actually have to do to vote. But honestly if you are a candidate running do you want to know that Brooke Hogan supports your campaign?

Oh, and you think that her comments on voting were bad, well in true Hogan tradition they make things worse everytime they open their mouth.

"You know what? I am actually not that much into voting. I think it's kind of crazy that [Hilary Clinton was] running because I think that women deal with a lot of emotions and menopause and PMS and stuff.

"Like, I'm so moody all the time, I know I wouldn't be able to run a country because I would be crying one day and yelling at people the next day, you know?"

No, I don't know, but it does sound like you need to boost your estrogen because you shouldn't be that moody and I'm worried that hair will start growing again on your chest and back. You do realize of course that there are thousands and thousands of little girls all over this country who hang on her every word and think that Brooke Hogan is just the best person in the world and believe everything she says. So your goal today is to find one of those girls or boys and tell them that Santa will never be set free unless they promise to stop watching Brooke or listening to her, although they can watch when she gets the peen chopped off.

Reading Between The Lines - Kneepad Style

It has been a few weeks since I have taken apart a People article and when I read this puff piece about Ali Lohan I knew it was time again.

So, I'm referring to them as People here just because I am about to copy and paste the article and so might as well give People Magazine as much credit as possible for the following travesty.

***

Ali Lohan's new single "All The Way Around" has emerged as a hit on iTunes, maintaining a steady spot on the iTunes Top 100 since its debut July 14.

Whenever you see a line that refers to the Top 100 and not Top 20, or something like that, it is always best to check. Currently Ali's song ranks 98th on the list, but it sounds much more impressive the way Kneepads writes it. I mean if they said something was a hit and then said it was at 98 they would look like idiots. Oh, Ali's song is 27 spots lower than Jessica Simpson's hit song.

Just as important to the 14-year-old is a vote of confidence from her singer sister Lindsay Lohan, and her deejay gal pal Samantha Ronson.

I guess gal-pal is People code speak for gay. Either that or People is using writers who once wrote for Laugh In. Who the hell uses the term gal-pal?

"Lindsay loves it," Ali told PEOPLE in an exclusive interview. "It was nervewracking to hear from her because she's so hugely successful, so I was like 'No, don't listen to it!' I ran out of the room when she listened to it. She's really proud of me."

Umm. Unless you have a sibling that actually hates you what do you think they are going to say about your song? And umm since when did Lindsay Lohan become an authority on all things music. Also, have you watched that Living Lohan show? Tell me honestly if you think that Ali Lohan would ever use hugely successful in a sentence. The only time she is doing the whole multiple syllable thing is when she is ordering at Starbucks or getting a manicure and pedicure.


As for Ronson, "She likes it a lot," says Lohan, adding that "it would be really cool" for Ronson to play a remix version of the tune at one her deejaying gigs.

It would be really cool and I doubt it is going to happen kid. Oh, sure if it is your birthday or she and Lindsay get in a fight and she needs some action you might hear a sample, but other than that I don't think Samantha is going to take a chance and get laughed out of the room.

Lohan's next single will be called "Close That Door," which the singer-actress says "is about closing the door to the past, and all the negativity you went through in the past." Lohan, who's currently recording additional tracks for her upcoming album, also says she's "looking at back-up dancers" for an upcoming video and tour.

That is from the press release about the song and are the exact same words everyone uses to describe the song. Of course since Ali didn't actually write that song and only heard it for the first time the day she recorded it, I'm sure it is very meaningful to her. The only looking at she is doing is trolling through MySpace photos of guys she thinks are hot. Or girls. Nothing wrong with that.

In fact, if her E! series Living Lohan, also starring her manager-mom Dina, continues for a second season, it will likely focus on Lohan going on tour. "If anything, it'll be me on the tour bus. I’m not sure yet."

Wow, when People can't spin the part about your show getting picked up you know it must be in some serious trouble. If it is picked up we can see ten episodes of Ali Lohan sitting on a tour bus whining about everything and how life isn't fair and why she is so ugly and everyone is beautiful. Wait that last part is me not her.

Also on the horizon: Lohan may head to China and Italy this fall to film the movie Troll. " I got the role, but I'm still thinking about it," she said.

Well thanks for ruining this week's episode for me. Yeah you keep thinking about it. Damn I can hear this kid whining even in this puff piece article. I have never heard such a whiny spoiled brat in my entire life. She is even worse than the kids on that MTV Sweet 16 show. God, I need a drink and it is barely 10am.

Now That's Creative

Honestly I don't even care sometimes if a publicist lies to the world if it is as good as the one Peaches Geldof has. You know that alleged drug overdose from the weekend? Well we were all wrong. Yeah, she didn't die because of drugs, she died because she colored her hair with the windows closed.

I know, I know. Now when I bust out the Grecian Formula I am going to have to make sure that window is wide open and the fans on because nobody is going to come check on me down in that basement.

According to Peaches' spokesperson/agent because lets face it Peaches doesn't really need a full-time spokesperson, they said "Peaches' recent collapse was due to her accidentally inhaling ammonia fumes from hair dye. She simply forgot to open a window while she was doing it, collapsed and the paramedics were called in." Now, the spokesperson didn't have any answer for why Peaches had to be revived, but my guess is that as she fell due to the overwhelming ammonia fumes her foot slipped on the CD cover to either the best of the Boomtown Rats or Band-Aid which caused her newly dyed head to smack into the corner of the bathroom sink which then caused her to fall backwards into the already running shower which had filled up because someone had tossed the box to the hair dye and it was blocking the drain. Her head then fell under the surface of the water where she drowned, but luckily her friend just happened to be there and was wholly unaffected by the window not being open because she has super human powers. While reviving Peaches with one hand, she speed dialed paramedics with her toes.

When paramedics arrived, Peaches was already up and alert and didn't want to go to the hospital with paramedics not because of the publicity but because when she fell into the water her dye ran out so she had to start again and wanted to finish before supper.

Simple isn't it. And here we all thought she had a drug overdose.

NY Daily News Blind Item

Which reality TV has-been can't even go to paid appearances anymore? His manager is too worried about how trashed he gets when he's on the payroll.

Today's Blind Items

Seems like every woman on a reality show just loves their gays. Well I love my concierges. They are the greatest. Now that isn't to say that I don't love my gays, because I do, and if you are a gay concierge, then that is just a bonanza. Do they still have Bonanza's? I remember there used to be Sizzler and Bonanza and now I think it is just Sizzler.

#1 - A certain Northwest city - Several weeks ago this not married actor who is involved in a relationship with an A list actress was staying at a hotel and he was all alone or so everyone thought. The concierge got a call from the gentleman in the room asking if the concierge could get him some company for the evening. Well the concierge asked some preferential questions and arranged for someone to be sent over. The woman was only there for a few minutes and was sent away, but with a little cash in her hand. The concierge receives another call and then another as this act plays itself out over the course of five or six women until finally one stays. And stayed all night and left the hotel with the actor and lo and behold his actress squeeze as well.

#2 - A certain Southwest city - This male talk show host had just a few too many to drink or to smoke or to snort but was crazy out of his mind, and made his big eyes even bigger. Well the talk show host decided that at 2am he was going to make a raid on the lobby furniture because it was moving. Oh yeah, it was moving and trying to surround him. So, our talk show host spent about an hour taking a fire ax to various pieces of the furniture. When management was notified they said they didn't care since no other guests were awake and they would get paid for it anyway. After an hour, the talk show host said the furniture was dead and fell asleep right there in the middle of the lobby.

RIP Estelle Getty

You can't just give Estelle Getty one photo at the top of the photos section. You need to give Estelle her very own group of photos and thank her for creating such wonderful memories and being such a warm, wonderful woman. You will be missed my dear. Very, very much.

Random Photos Part One

***WARNING*** The last two photos are slightly NSFW. One shows a bare breast, and the other a nipple.



Whenever Allegra Versace is somewhere that she gets her photo taken I like to put her in the photos, and if possible at the top because I think it is important to follow her progress and encourage her to keep doing what she's doing. Does she read the blog? Probably not, but I guarantee you that she knows someone who does. Plus, look you get some Maggie G as a bonus.

Estelle - Brooklyn

Dinosaur Jr. - Chicago
I still think Alexandra Paul has remained the best looking woman from Baywatch.
Like you will be pissed at me for giving you extra Aaron Eckhart this week.
Wow, it's Leeza's Place. Must be nice to have a red carpet everytime you walk into your own home. Step on the carpet and the lights go up and the automatic cameras start popping. Must be a pain in the ass though if you are just going out to get the newspaper.

Lou Christie - Woodbridge, NJ
John Legend - Brooklyn
Wow, they name a freeway after a lawyer. Maybe instead of courtesy phones when you break down they will just install direct hotlines to his office so he gets first dibs on those personal injury claims. Yes, I know Joel is an ent lawyer, but it is a lawyer joke.
Wow. Jen Garner f**ked Jimmy Kimmel and all she got was a lousy t-shirt.
Since all of you keep raving about Mad Men, here is a little mini-tribute in honor of their second season.

Aaron Staton, Rich Sommer and Michael Gladis

Christina Hendricks
January Jones and Jon Hamm
The cast and crew
And the after party where the drinks were flowing and Vincent Kartheiser looks like he is in for a rough night with Jon Hamm

I really believe that Rainn Wilson could bust a move.

I don't even look that good after a hangover. Peaches Geldof looks like this 48 hours after allegedly dying. Must have those rocker genes.
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that Mr. T probably has already got his nuts. Lots of them.

Spoon - Chicago

Love Paul Giamatti. Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson both seem to be transforming into entirely different people and I don't think it is all about age.
Because where the hell else are you going to see Talia Shire?
Somehow I don't think Zara Phillips is going to be able to fit that into her house.
The douche in the blue bathing suit on the far left is James Blunt. He probably told the women he wrote Beautiful about them even though he probably bought them the night before.

Daily Mirror Blind Item Part 2

Which comeback star is harassing his publicist for a date? The pretty girl has resisted his advances for the sake of his wife and kids...

No Photos No Baby?

So, I'm convinced, despite what she may think of Tom Cruise, that Nicole Kidman learned a few things about business and publicity from him that she still uses today. One lesson which I think she picked up really well is building suspense for something.

Lets review because, well I need it.

When Nicole and Tom were married they adopted two kids. Mimi Rogers had always said that Tom didn't have any swimmers

When Nicole Kidman announced her pregnancy no one believed her. It wasn't until about the 8th month or so that there was even the slightest bump. I think I posted some photos around the 7th month that looked like she had something hidden under her outfit but all of you shot me down.

So, Nicole gives birth, BUT there are no photos and I don't think anyone has actually produced a birth certificate yet either.

We all gave kudos to Nicole because she wouldn't sell out her kid to the press despite the money offers. If they gave Matthew McConaughey $3M you would think Nicole could probably get in that ballpark. Probably.

So, now we have photos everyday of Keith and Nicole who looks exactly the same as before she got pregnant. Hell, she's skinnier and she still doesn't have any boobs.

Now, when Suri was born there was the big hoopla because no one had seen the kid and there were no photos, but Tom was being a crafty bastard and got hype and buzz and a crap load more money in a really good magazine for his first photos.

Now that people are wondering if there is a Nicole baby, that same buzz is happening. She has a great relationship with Vanity Fair and Vogue and so I wouldn't be surprised if Sunday Monday ends up in a magazine more known for high fashion than high chairs. That last bit is nice. Admit it. Came out of nowhere. Just like this zit which wasn't there when I went to sleep last night. Where the hell do they come from?

Of course all this could be moot because if you look at this photo long enough you will think Nicole is a guy anyway.

I Thought She Was On Vacation

When I went on vacation with my parents, it was all about mosquitoes, bad food and lots of screaming and yelling by my dad. Then, when my mom would finally stop trying to have sex with my dad things got much better. Obviously these things haven't scarred me even though I can remember being kicked out of a tent, thrown a flashlight, handed some bird seed and told that nature walks at midnight are the best way to spot birds and that it would be like camping out on my own. Uh huh.

Anyway, Peaches Geldof and her family must not take the same kinds of vacations because mine didn't usually end up in a drug overdose. Oh sure there would be too much drinking and not enough sunscreen and there would be some getting sick, but not actual overdosing. Unless of course you count my cousin who once had sex with some guy she met and thought if she took two months of birth control pills at once things would be ok.

So, according to the Sun, Peaches actually died over the weekend of a possible overdose, but luckily a friend was there who revived her before the paramedics even got there. When the paramedics got there, they of course wanted to take Ms. Geldof to the hospital but she refused saying she didn't want the press to find out.

"She started mouthing off and told the ambulance crew, 'You have to respect my privacy'. She then told them to get out. And she refused to go to hospital to have further treatment because she was worried about it getting out."

Ummm. Peaches it got out so now everyone in the family will know why you were a scratch in the family miniature golf tournament.

Khloe Kardashian Illegitimate Or A Liar

You know I admit it. Kris Kardashian had me suckered last week and so did Ryan Seacrest who I blame as well. They had me convinced that Khloe Kardashian had learned her lesson and gave a wonderful sob story about how the only reason she was drinking was that it was the anniversary of her father's death and blah, blah, blah. I could understand why someone would drink that night. Doesn't excuse drunk driving, but hey, she was stepping up to the plate, and taking the blame and any other cliche you can think of.

Ummm. One problem. As TMZ reported yesterday, Khloe was busted on March 4 and her dad died on September 30. So, this leads me to believe there could be a few possibilities. We can believe that Khloe Kardashian is actually an illegitimate child and that she has a different father than the other two sisters. If you told me she did I would probably believe you, but I am never good at seeing features in kids of their parents, except for Shiloh because that kid is scary Brad Pitt.

So, if we assume Khloe is in fact the daughter of Robert Kardashian then we have to assume that Ryan Seacrest, Kris Kardashian, Khloe Kardashian and the entire family including former Olympic Gold Medal Winner and Wheaties Box cover boy Bruce Jenner deliberately lied to the world in order to attract sympathy and increase viewers. During the show that the Kardashians reenacted the arrest it explicitly states that Khloe was arrested on the anniversary of her dad's death.

I don't remember what she said to the judge at the time she was sentenced but if she said the same thing in court she could have committed perjury as well, although nobody would do anything about it. The fact that the whole family and Ryan Seacrest lied deliberately and probably laughed about it while all getting their nails done really pisses me off.

I think the American public are very forgiving people. If you make a mistake and admit it we move on. It is just our nature. What we hate is being lied to or feeling like a fool and having you rub it in our faces even when the facts are staring right in front of you.

Now, what I want to see from Kim Kardashian who is always saying that her blog is the truth and only the truth is to go on her blog and admit to the world that she and her family lied, kept lying and that Ryan Seacrest was also part of the big lie as well. Her family used the sympathy of the American people for their own personal gain and profit. To me it is no different from someone raising money for someone who really didn't die of cancer. Their lies got people to watch their show which in turn will make them more money. Each is a fraud. There is no difference. And yes, that includes you as well Seacrest.

What Happened To Going To Disney World

You know, in the old days after something successful happened to you, a camera would be put in your face and someone would ask what you were going to do next and because you were getting paid a gazillion bucks by Disney, you would reply that you were going to Disney World.

Christian Bale obviously wanted to take that into an entirely new direction. Instead of Mickey and Minnie and a parade, Christian prefers fists and a trip to the pokey. Allegedly on Sunday night, Christian assaulted both his sister and his mother. Police, ever mindful of not letting justice stand in the way of celebrity decided to hold off arresting Christian until after the UK Batman premiere which were where the above photos were taken. The top photo was in random photos yesterday.

Now, from what I understand, mom and sister were not seriously injured in the assault, but I'm assuming that if they had been near death that presumably the police would have arrested Christian before the premiere of the film. It is pretty sick when the police actually say publicly they didn't want to upset the premiere of a film despite the fact a guy allegedly assaulted two women.

So why mom and sis? The only thing I can think of is that perhaps Mr. Bale was taking one too many substances he shouldn't have been taking and mom and sis tried to intervene and allegedly got laid out for their troubles. Where was the wife when all of this occurred?

Daily Mirror Blind Item

Which iconic supermodel wolfed down a sneaky KFC - and had to hide her gastronomic blow-out from her eagle-eyed agency bosses?

Today's Blind Items - Animals Were Harmed In This Blind Item

#1 - Strangest Breakup #567. This is going to be tough because the people involved have only one job each and in my opinion both do it badly. I guess the female (A list name recognition) in the story could be considered doing things professionally, but hasn't done the first well, for over 20 years and that is assuming it wasn't come kind of electronic miracle. He was a nobody until he started dating her. Now I guess he would be a celebutard and there are rumors he is about to get a dramatic boost to his 15 minutes. Anyway, the reason for their most recent breakup is apparently the woman in the relationship has some birds. Not too many. Not like Heidi Fleiss and her parrots. This is just five or six, but our woman likes to let them be free and fly around her house. Well anyway, they fly free and crap free and one day our guy was at her home in a new suit and a bird crapped on it. He went into a rage, rolled up a magazine and went after the bird until it was dead. He then walked out of her house and never spoke to her again. Oh, she's been married before. Does that help?

Random Photos Part One

Grease is done on Broadway. Seems pretty fitting for a top spot moment. Now, I'm not going to say the reason it closed on Broadway is because Taylor Hicks got added to the cast, but hey, it survived Debbie Gibson and Rosie so I think we need to find someone to blame.
A vision of loveliness, is Ali Larter. I always love when I come up with a new adjective. I would come up with more but I've been trying to memorize all the two letter words that are legal for Scrabble.
Amber Tamblyn would have probably got the top spot, but for the fact she chose to share the spotlight with Noah Hawley who just released his book and Joshua Close who if he were a true fan of Noah would be holding the damn book up to the camera so people would know what the hell the book looked like.
Ashes Divine - Camden, NJ
Kabbalah may be for lovers, but apparently they don't carry bags. I bet the Scientologists would have been there to carry Anthony's bags. Hell and they would have brought some complimentary Tom Cruise misting spray to refresh you after a long flight.
Yeah, she's gaining it for a role. Whatever you say. You know, you don't often see blue shoes like that except at Elvis conventions and Tom Cruise's closet. Jeez, I've already mentioned Tom Cruise twice. I need a vacation. I'm thinking of Edmonton. When the hell does hockey season start anyway?

You get the number one movie opening of all-time you get to be in Random Photos twice in a week. When he's not smiling Christian Bale is a scary looking guy.
In case any of you don't know who Bar Refaeli is or who the hell is responsible for putting her on television, the guy holding the sign is nice enough to tell you. When he wanted the sign autographed at the end of the day, Bar just ignored him.
Quite honestly and with no hesitation, I can say this is the best photo I have seen in the past few months. There are just not enough words in the English language to describe what is seen in this photo. I could write a book based just on this photo, but then Brittany Murphy would probably try and sue me for a piece of it. A little background to the photo. This is immediately after they entered the car from their home and before the engine was even started. Would you want to be driving anywhere near this guy? Before getting in the car, Brittany yelled at him for five minutes, then got in the car, lit a cigarette and the whole world just stopped. It really does look like they both think they are driving, but will be in the same exact place in an hour. I encourage you to click on the photo because it blows up really big and you can see all the detail and misery that can follow you back down the career ladder.
So, I'm guessing Dean McDermott doesn't like having sex with Tori Spelling. Now, I base this entirely on the fact that during my one episode of viewing the show I clearly heard Tori tell Dean that he would not get any sex unless he was scruffy or had a beard. Infer what you like from that.

I just really like Daisy Lowe and Alexa Chung seems pretty nice also.
Does anyone know if there is a Christian Slater bobblehead doll?
Guess Brooke Mueller got her golden ticket. Think that's why Denise was pissed?
The lovely Cheryl Hines and her daughter.

Ehhh, but Jonny Lee Miller looks good. Wow, you think there could be a part for him in that Billy Bob/ Angelina Jolie film. Hackers 2 would be cool.

Jay Z - Glasgow
Jarvis Cocker - Chicago
Jim Carrey must have been so proud when his daughter came home and showed him that tattoo.
Don't worry Hayden, I'll buy your CD. I promise.
And a gust of wind came along and we all did find out that it was Saturday because that's what the underwear said. Lame huh? I know. I was going to say something like the design on her dress kept multiplying until it took over the world, but it is tough to envision without a picture of attacking someone.

Maggie Gyllenhaal looked really good last week. This week. She's ok, but its kind of like she isn't that thrilled with being in a number one film and it was a big effort to get dressed. Who knows?
I know all of you love Matt Goss. Daisy Fuentes looks great too.
I'm hoping that Lady Victoria Hervey didn't actually plan on running in the race. I think its pretty obvious that she doesn't need any activity that is going to burn calories and lets face it, one heavy step and her leg is just going to shatter anyway.
Kellie Pickler - Twin Lakes, WI

!!! - Chicago

A first time appearance for Nacho Figueras who appears to have grown up normally despite the intense beatings he must have received as a child because his parents decided to name him after a snack.
Michelle Shocked - Detroit
Definitely random. Molly Shannon, Selma Blair and Alison Sweeney.
Mark Ronson - Glasgow
While some in Sarah Silverman's situation may have turned to drink or drugs to cope with depression, Sarah instead, became Amish.

Go with me on this. Samantha Ronson from this angle looks exactly like Bob Geldof.
Who here thinks Salman Rushdie must have a foot long peen?
I wonder if Stefanie Powers has any interest in finding out for us. She looks fabulous.
So Rose McGowan decided to celebrate her victory by rushing out and stealing a burlap sack from some kid and turning it into a dress. Somewhere some kid is either standing alone at the starting line of a bag race while everyone else hops away in their bag, or quite possibly some kid is getting plastic burns as he slides down a slide at a fair because there are no bags left.
Zelda Williams is probably long past the embarrassed at what dad wears kind of thing. She and Coco Arquette are co-presidents.

This is what happens when an 11 year old gets a birthday party which has a red carpet.

Get your minds out of the gutter. It's an award. I think.
Because everyday is a great day when it involves The Veronicas.

Elvis Is Still Alive

I'm telling you that Elvis is still alive and Marilyn Monroe is still giving bj's to JFK. This has to be the only possible explanation because it appears that Billy Bob Thornton and Angelina Jolie are trying to find a movie to star together in.

Now, I know about Billy Bob and his bragging a few months ago that Angelina was never going to be satisfied with any peen other than his, but lets face it, I'm not sure Angelina needs peen to be happy and if she is going to do just do the breeding thing, I think she knows that a room full of Brad Pitt look-a-likes is going to go over better than a bunch of Lil' Billy Bobs.

However, in an interview this month with Maxim, Billy Bob actually sounds coherent when he says that "We've talked about it plenty of times. I'm sure we will. We want to be really careful that we pick the right one. Maybe a comedy. In other words, we wouldn't want to do another movie about a husband-wife relationship. That probably wouldn't be very good."

Well, I for one think Bad Santa 2 would be a good choice for them. Angelina Jolie can be the evil mall manager this time and then she and Lauren Graham can start making out in Bed Bath & Beyond and then Billy Bob comes in with a Santa hat on both of his heads and...Sorry.

Do you know how much publicity the film would get? It would be huge and the rumors, oh man, the rumors would be great. The entire crew of the film will make a fortune selling crap to the tabloids about every conversation or action the pair takes. If Angelina smiles its because she just got nailed in her trailer by Billy Bob. If Billy is scowling its because Angelina won't leave Brad and the tension between Brad and Billy Bob almost led to blows. Wow it would be a fun few months.

Make the damn movie and then on the red carpet they can announce their engagement.

Daily Mirror Blind Item

Which sexy TV presenter is two-timing her fella with an even hotter model?

The brunette babe was unaware of being spied on when she sneaked into a hotel with the hunk...

Nooooooooooooooooooooooo

That's the sound that escaped my mouth as I read the NY Daily News blurb about Kim Kardashian being on the short list for the next edition of Dancing With The Stars. I say we kidnap Tom Bergeron right now and just nip this in the bud.

This is my worst possible nightmare coming true. Seriously. Look you and I and the people who read the internet know about Kim Kardashian. People who are New Orleans Saints fans know who Kim Kardashian is. That's it. Oh, I know she has her show on E!, but lets face it. You me, and about ten other people even know where E! is on their cable.

As I saw it, the show would play itself out after another year or so of Kim eating Hostess and trying trap Reggie any way she could. She then would fade away, only turning up every six months or so on QVC twenty pounds heavier trying to sell some crap people will want to buy because of her name.

She would be gone. Done. Now though there is this. DWTS is a popular show and it is on a network. One week on DWTS will attract more viewers than she has had watch her reality show since it began, combined.

People who don't know that she won an award for worst porn performance by someone still alive will just trust that ABC will only put people on television they can get behind. And they will certainly see that behind. If they let her on this show, I swear to you she will be around for years. Our only hope is that she thinks the show is beneath her and doesn't do it or that Disney comes to their senses and decides they don't want a porn star on their network in prime time. Her blog will attract new fans and new blatherings. I won't be able to take her talk of hard work and sacrifice for the show and how she broke a nail but still soldiered on until the distraction became too much even for her and had a team flown in to put a new nail on and how Reggie was so happy to pay. Each week we'll be forced to look at all the sisters and Bruce Jenner with a dazed look and drool puddling at the side of his mouth.

We just can't let this happen.

Are Photos Included? - Warning - Extra Snarky

If you are a pedophile and have been drooling over Miley Cyrus' photos, now is your chance to finally meet her. Of course you have to be rich. Apparently Miley Cyrus is selling herself to the highest bidder. No, it isn't another get rich quick scheme from Billy Ray, but rather an auction to raise money for a charity named after Billy Ray's dad.

So, if you have the funds you can accompany Miley as her date to the premiere of her new film "Bolt." From what I've read so far there are no age limits she has imposed so if you are some 40 year old guy who has always wanted to pay for a date with a 15 year old but couldn't figure out how to do it legally, now is your chance. Whoo hoo. Just make sure you take a shower.

Now, if you spend so much time locked up in your house that you can't afford a date with her, she is still going to let you get close to her without actually risking a trip to jail or a restraining order. She is auctioning off some of her already worn clothes. Now, there is no word whether any of the clothes are the ones she has worn in some of her photo scandals, but hey, let's be honest with each other. She has taken so many photos that the odds are good that someday you will see a photo of her wearing what you bought.

Now the sale starts tomorrow on eBay and goes through next Tuesday so make sure you get your bids in early and often. Stop all your kiddy porn subscriptions and just roll the dice on this one. Oh, and bring your camera on your date because you just know she loves to pose.

Joss Stone Settles For Nelly

So since Joss Stone was basically laughed at in public by Mark Ronson last week, she of course had to prove that there are guys who are willing to date her. I mean Joss hasn't exactly had good luck when it has come to men. She was allegedly turned down by Mark Ronson despite throwing herself at him and she of course was the object of affection of Mr. Tom Cruise. You forgot about that didn't you? I believe it was before Tom had made the decision on Katie or maybe it was right after so he gave Joss the consolation prize of some free publicity and a coupon for a complimentary stress test.

She also went out with a guy named Beau Dozier. I know, I know, you just want to call him bulldozer.

Anyway, the Mirror is reporting that Joss and Nelly have been possibly doing the horizontal mambo for a few weeks now. I think the timing of the story is kind of convenient, and I know I'm kind of slow with these things but aren't Nelly and Ashanti still going out? Does Ashanti know that Nelly is doing the dirty with Joss? Meanwhile Joss' friends say that "It's early days but we haven't seen Joss this happy in quite a long time.

"It's great she has met someone as successful as she is and who understands the pressures being a performer can put on your life.

"And it helps that he is hot too - he is just her type."

Well from these quotes you can tell it is a set up job. Either that or her friends are high because there is no way on this earth that Joss Stone is as successful as Nelly is, and as for her type? Who the hell knows. It seems like almost anyone who breathes is her type. The bone her friends or PR people threw to Nelly is calling him hot. They hope he will just forget the rest.

I can just see her people brainstorming about who they could "hook Joss up with" to make her look attractive and wanted. They settled on Nelly because it is an entirely new market for them and even though it is totally ridiculous it did get the world talking about her for five minutes this week as someone who is wanted rather than rejected by a guy for being plain and boring.

Lil Scrappy Stabbed - Shaggy Safe

Apparently there is a rapper name Lil Scrappy and he was involved in a stabbing in some kind of fight in Atlanta on Friday night. I guess the fight part is kind of redundant if you think about it. I mean I guess he could have been just out to eat somewhere, and felt really full and decided that a good stabbing was just what he needed after a good meal. Anyway, even though he is the one who allegedly brought the knife to the party, he was the one who ended up getting stabbed, and arrested. Not really a good way to begin the weekend. I mean I know Atlanta traffic sucks, but getting stabbed just to avoid it kind of seems a bit much.

Anyway, I had no idea there was a rapper named Lil Scrappy. From the name I guess we are all to presume that somewhere in the world there is a Big Scrappy. I can only hope there is a Scooby. I know there is a Shaggy, but don't think there is a Daphne or Velma, although I wouldn't be surprised if there were a pair of female rappers somewhere in the world with those monikers. Come to think of it what were the names of them women in En Vogue?

I honestly can't keep track of all the names. There are just way too many and it seems to me as if they all have the prefix Lil'. I don't know that I would want to be called Lil'. Oh sure, if you are a kid that kind of fits, but if you become famous it is kind of hard to drop the Lil' I mean you don't see Lil Wayne all of a sudden running around screaming "Just call me Wayne dammit." It doesn't happen.

I mean there are lots of Waynes. Wayne Newton, Wayne Brady, John Wayne, and if you don't have spell check you even have the Wayneons Brothers. Kind of a stretch I know, but I bet you didn't think I could go this long talking about a stabbing that no one outside of the families really care about.

"But His Teeth Were Really Shiny"

So a couple of my friends were at the Maritime Hotel in New York over the weekend and were accosted by a couple of frat boys who got out of the fraternity about ten years ago, but hadn't quite left the frat behind if you know what I mean. Anyway, they went up to these two women and were making some moves that basically were the equivalent of "hey baby, you want to touch these muscles?"

Well it turns out that instead of being the main course they were just the appetizer because just as the women were reaching for their pepper spray, the guys pulled out their hole card. No, it isn't a euphemism for their peen. They instead said that Andy Baldwin the winner of the last Bachelor or the one before it or who the hell knows was in the back and the women should come say hi. Well, one of the two women is a sucker for reality television so just had to say hi. The other one just decided to judge. She's good like that. Makes you feel inadequate actually, but when directed at someone else it's gold.

You could almost see the guys rubbing their hands together as the women went to the area where Andy was holding court. Well the reality television fan said hi, and the two got to talking. Our judge while fighting off the glare from Andy's teeth did manage to catch this lovely nugget come out of Andy's mouth.

"There were a lot of really deep conversations the viewers didn't get to see."

Yeah, I can imagine they went something like this.

Andy - If I keep you around for another week, you have to have sex with me.

Woman - OK, but this time could you take your socks off.

Ahh, the life of the Bachelor. Andy kept puffing out his chest and beating it, but alas it just wasn't going to happen so he sent forth new minions to reel in someone who would truly appreciate a guy who has served his country and "dated" Marla Maples.

Asked about her impressions of Andy, my very judgmental friend said, "He's incredibly cheesy and a big player, but his teeth were really shiny."

Well I know marriages that have been based on less. I mean he'll probably be great for you during a blackout, or at night if you need to see to go to the bathroom at a strange house or hotel. It will be like having your very own lighthouse. Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy just thinking about it.

"It's Crap"

Those two words best summed up Jessica Simpson's first country concert which was on Saturday night in Twin Lakes, WI. Look, I know there are lots of Jessica Simpson fans who read the site. You should also know that although it may seem like I give her a hard time most of it is directed to her dad and his antics. I will say though that in every article I have read so far about the show, there was only one positive comment from a fan. I clearly think that fan had been drinking because she called Jessica adorable.

Jessica's country songs are not that bad. Honestly, I know all of you have heard worse. Here is the problem. She tries too hard. "I don't know what your perception is of Jessica Simpson or what tabloid you buy, but I just want you to know that I'm just a girl from Texas; I'm just like you. I'm doing what I love and dating a boy."

You know? Who says that stuff? She also made it a point to dedicate a song to Tony Romo who was there, and even tried to talk with more of an accent than she normally does. I think the problem she is having is that country fans are not ignorant and know when they are being played. Pimpa and Jessica are trying to force the idea that Jessica has always been country and the fans aren't buying it.

Another issue was although Jessica was opening for Sara Evans, she actually played AFTER Kellie Pickler and the fans were pissed about that because Kellie is more popular and has been a country singer longer. Plus there isn't anyone on this planet who doubts Kellie's country roots. And in full disclosure, Kellie is my buddy and so I kind of tend to stick up for her.

As one fan put it, "Just because she's dating Tony Romo it doesn't make her country." Tell that to Jessica who as often as possible wears something with the Dallas Cowboy logo on it. I'm surprised she hasn't tattooed the damn star on her forehead and changed her name to Patsy. She will do anything to be accepted. I also get the feeling that Tony Romo is expendable and if some guy with more country credentials popped up that she would run faster than Kim Kardashian after a guy with a wallet.

NY Daily News Blind Item

Which newly married diva recently went bananas after reading flirty text messages from her new hubby's ex on his BlackBerry? She locked him out of their (her) house for two nights. Memo to ladies everywhere: If you don't want to know, don't start snooping.