Full Frontal Friday

Johnny Galecki as the Full Frontal Friday gateway. As we know, warnings are no longer necessary, so click here for the fun.

Four For Friday

#1 - One of the most frequent A listers to the blind items has a way to pick up women which is a bit unusual. Yes, beside the fact he is married this is unusual. What he loves doing is going to wash a load of clothes over on the east side of LA and finding women to take to hotels after. Free or pay, it really doesn't matter.

#2 - A lister? Yeah, he really is. I mean he is a franchise and an action star. Action star A listers are kind of like women who do horror film A listers. They meet the technical definition, but it can be a stretch. Anyway, everyone knows this guy and loves him. What they probably don't know is that on his most recent press trip, he spent more time hitting on guys than doing press.

#3 & #4 - Lunch break for the crew on The Hills allows this drug dealer to make his way unnoticed into the house of one of the male stars of the show. Oh, and he comes over everyday. Sometimes more than once a day. OK, he also takes care of one of the female stars as well, but the male star passes it along to her.

Random Photos Part One

The top spot today goes to Jack Johnson. Not because he is great, which he is, but because our very own jax took the photo of Jack last night at his show in Vancouver. She either had the biggest lens possible or was right up on the stage being pinned by security guards when the photo was taken. Either way, great job jax.

So, we had Guy Pearce yesterday and Don Cheadle last week, so really the only left to do was to combine the two. Can't really go wrong with that.

What I like to call a tennis train. Start off with some Andy Roddick.
Move on to James Blake
and then James Blake begat John Mayer. Hey, John likes tennis so it isn't like the tennis train just abruptly ended. I think he would let you dress him as a tennis player if that is what you wanted.

First time appearance for Jesse Williams. I'm sure it won't be his last.

This is totally new side to Jason Statham.
You know somehow, I think that someone would have been happy to take their photo.
See, I think Hilary Duff is thinking about 40 years of grocery shopping.
Uh oh. Ed Westwick is a biter.
It just would not be a Friday without Snoop Dogg. Just has a special place in all of our hearts. Well, my heart. Probably somewhere else for many of the rest of you.

Its kind of like Elton John in the 70's, but with better teeth.
Matt Walten is yet another first timer.
Max Mirnyi missed the tennis train earlier, but he seems to be popular enough to be invited aboard.
Kid Rock & Johnny Van Zant - New York
Both Will and John borrowed sport coats from two of the journalists there. Can't tell can you?

Unwritten Law - Adelaide
The Whip - Leeds, UK
Smashing Pumpkins - Boca Raton, FL
I guess everyone knows where Sienna Miller lives now.

Your Turn

So, this week I was watching television when lo and behold a Seinfeld episode came on. I know, I know, what are the odds that you turn on the television and a Seinfeld episode is on. Pretty damn good considering I think it is on 24 hours a day.

So, it was one of my all-time favorite episodes. The one where Jerry and Elaine feed turkey to a woman so she will fall asleep and they can play with her vintage toys.

My question is this. What is the toy you absolutely loved playing with growing up and the toy you always begged your parents for, but they never got you.

Daily Mirror Blind Item

Which celeb couple like nothing more than spending a quiet night in chopping out lines of coke and egging each other on to finish gram after gram of the stuff?

I Watched The Hills

I did it. Last night I finally broke down and watched The Hills. OK, I was in the mood for My Super Sweet 16 so turned it over to MTV hoping against hope that I could get a Sweet 16, or at the very least a True Life involving some kids who spent all their parents money on drug addiction or something.

But, what I got instead was The Hills. Now, of course I know some of the cast of characters, because hey, lets face it they are characters. And, I am not completely ignorant because I did watch Laguna Beach, back in the day. Not that that day was that long ago. It was more like back about a half day ago rather than a full day. I mean you really need to save that phrase back in the day for something, well, back in the day.

Honestly, it was like being in the dentist's office. You thought you would rather face death than to go, and when you were there you were not enjoying it, but when it was over you liked that really clean feeling on your teeth that your tongue can't stop plying with.

Well, all I can say after watching it is that Spencer needs to cut back on the X, Heidi appears to be getting meth face and this guy Doug who took out LC on a date really needs to have that tic of his checked out.

My favorite part of the show, other than wondering if Spencer can in fact actually open his mouth, was the date.

Lauren: I'll have a fuzzy dragon

Doug: What kind of beer do you have?

Waiter: Stella Artois

Doug: Oh, stop right there. I'll have a Stella

Lauren: You can tell a lot about a guy from his drink choice

Doug: And what does me having a beer say?

Lauren: That you are a guy's guy.

Doug:You are so beautiful

The camera then cut but the ended up doing it under the table because any guy who orders a Stella is worthy of doing. Of course if he had ordered a Schlitz he would have only got a hand job.

For some reason every person on the show has the annoying habit of saying a sentence and then jerking their head up. Saying a sentence and jerking their head up. It is like they have it timed to coincide with the camera of a photographer.

So Ridiculous It Probably Is True

I always love the crazy ideas of Amy Winehouse. Not the idea that involves hitting random people on the street or spending time with her god daughter, but her crazy ideas involving Blaaaaaake are always winners.

This latest one involves fireworks on November 5th. See, Amy doesn't want to wait an extra six weeks for Blake to actually get out of jail and enjoy them. Noooo. That would be too simple, and besides there will be too many drugs to do that day anyway for any kind of fireworks show. So, instead, Amy has made arrangements to have the fireworks go off in such a way that Blake by laying on his bunk in his cell he will be able to peer out of his window through two ends of a building, and catch a glimpse of when a firework goes off high enough.

See, this is just so ridiculous that with anyone by Amy Winehouse, I would say this is nuts. But, with her you just never know. Of course the problem is that she wants to light them off herself which could cause some problems if she is juggling her crack pipe and some fireworks.

The Real Reason Why She Named Her Son Zuma

Yeah, read what you want from all the baby experts about how Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale named their kid after Zuma Beach in Malibu or the Neil Young album of the same name. A bunch of crap if you ask me. Gwen and Gavin are children of the 80's and 90's. As such, they really wanted to name their kid Zima. Sure they did. Sitting there for the nine months of pregnancy, Gwen and Gavin would sit around and discuss all the good times they had sipping on Zimas with their friends.

Da Brat Is Da Gone

It's jail for Da Brat. You remember last year when she hit a waitress with a rum bottle because the waitress wasn't attracted to her? Well, Da Brat plead guilty to aggravated assault yesterday and was sentenced to three years in jail, seven years of probation, and just for good measure 200 hours of community service.

This to me, is one of the worst deals I have seen in a really long time. She plead guilty to this. This was her deal. This was the best she could get? Oh, and don't forget the lawsuit the waitress filed against Da Brat and also against the club which is owned by Jermaine Dupri.

Now, even though the waitress worked for the club and was bleeding and in serious trouble that night, the club refused to kick out Da Brat.

Wow. This is the longest sentence I have seen for something like this in a long time. I am all for celebrities standing up and taking their punishment, and I think Da Brat should be praised for that at least, but it seems excessive. You are basically talking ten years and ten million dollars or so. People who murder people don't always serve that much time.

I know, I know, I am usually really strong for victims, and I am here as well. I mean, the waitress was an aspiring actress and is permanently scarred on her face. Got it, but it just seems excessive. Maybe I am just being more lenient because it is Friday.

I Want To Be Cranky

I am getting to that point in life where I want to be the cranky old man who lives down the street. You know the one. The guy who would never throw the ball back, but would either keep it, or send it back over the fence cut up or shredded. I want to be the guy that all the little kids are scared of. The one house they cross the street to avoid because he is always outside yelling at nothing in particular.

Right now, I known more for the pain and misery I cause my parents by living at home, then for being the cranky guy in the basement. I do sometimes yell out the windows at people walking by, but lets face it, I can only see their feet, so they are not exactly terrified.

Celebrities are not immune to this crankiness. You get old enough and you have some money, then you are going to take care of your crankiness in ways most of us can't.

Bette Midler and those pesky tress at her house in Hawaii? Gone. Sean Connery and his neighbors in NY. Wow, talk about cranky on both sides. Now, comes word that Lily Tomlin did the cranky bit and chopped down trees belonging to her neighbor. Just chopped them down because she thought they might fall. When the neighbors called the cops, the lumberjacks split. When the cops left, the lumberjacks returned.

At some point I guess you reach that age where you just stop wanting to work things out or be sweet and amenable. Nope, when you hit a certain age it is just f**k it, chop em down. You figure what are the cops going to do if they come? Fine, they arrest me and I'm in jail for a few hours. Chances are you are retired so it doesn't really matter for job purposes. You know you are not going to prison for years over it, and hey, you got the damn trees down.

Uma's Going To Get Some Magazine Covers

Guess what? Uma Thurman doesn't mind the paps that follow her each day and stake out her house looking for guys she brings home. In her mind, the paps are just people doing a job.

"Sure it's intrusive. Sure it can be a pain. But, at the end of the day it is just people doing a job."

Of course if you are Uma and you have most of the ones who follow you on speed dial it makes things much better. The paps know they can be at home, hanging out and that she will give them a call before she goes out. She will tell them what time to be there, what she will be wearing, and where to meet.

It, is why for the most part you never see Uma looking the worse for wear when you see her photo taken in public. Hair generally looks perfect, makeup done.

You think someone with that close of a relationship with the tabs and the paps might leak a few things that maybe would put her in the best light. Uma really came out ahead in the whole Ethan Hawke thing. Yes, he was boffing the sitter, but you think Uma was just sitting at home knitting? Didn't hear about that part did you?

Ted C Blind Item

Hold on to your hetero panties, ladies, because quite unlike Crotch Uh-Lastic, we've got a far straighter (for real) predator in town. Humpy, quasi-gorgeous reality-star Dexter Lecter likes to lurk around the Hell-Ay club scene looking for his fix or fixes, we should say—for purposes of full-disclosure journalism, as we know that's real important to all you horny hon-pies!—for the night. And let me tell ya, this addict never runs out of willing victims.

See, D.L.'s minifame is rather new, but it's building faster than his body parts, as D.L.'s dating (ha!, doing is more like it) a rather standout character on one of those catty faux reality shows we all can't get enough of. Admit it. Right now. Of course, you live for watching this crap as much as we do.

Despite Dexty's shy game onscreen, he gets quite lucky, big-time when the cameras aren't rolling. His attractiveness is def a help in the female-fishing department, but look—and this is what we've really gotta dish 'bout—his not-so-coy pickup lines scream: SoCal slut of all time. Yum, yum, right?

Uh, not really. Think of it as desultory mix between Porta-Potbelly and Gerard Butler, take a peek: "I can only f--k you in a couple positions, but don't worry, it will be great," he whispered in the ear of one too-too gorgeous T-town hottie who was kind enough to run and tattle right to A.T.! And how lame can you get—only two friggin’ positions? So gay.

What sort of player can get away with such a crass statement? Better yet, what sort of gal goes along with this? Too many, 'cause neighbors see gals galore going in and out of Lecter's hills home 'round the clock. If only D.L.'s reality GF knew. Trust, she doesn't now, but will soon.

Today's Blind Items

#1 - This C+/B- list film actress with B+ name recognition is knocked up. Apparently the person who knocked her up is none other than a married director. That should all turn out well for everyone.

#2 - Speaking of pregnant. You know the American Idol participant who was weighing the Playboy offer? Well it turns out she needs to hurry because rumor has it that she is also in the family way.

Random Photos Part One

The top spot today goes to some of my all-time favorite people and, as far as I am concerned, one of the best bands ever. The Germs.
Shane West didn't get his photo taken with the band, but he is just as much of a part of them now, and he sounds great.
Garrett Morris would have got the top spot on any other day. I love him and I loved when he did the news with Chevy Chase.
You know it must suck when you are the only face on the poster of a nationally released film, and yet everyone is screaming out "Bruce, Demi, Ashton."
You can always tell when people are not used to flipping someone off. Bijou Phillips definitely needs some practice.

She might not still be the most beautiful woman in the world, but Aishwarya Rai still looks great.
"Move it along people."
"Demi. Demi. Demi. Pull my finger."
Amber Heard is actually looking decent here. I like this look much better than the cracked out, weigh ten pounds look.
It has been awhile since I had Devon Aoki in the photos so I will spare you the photos zoomed in on her face where she looks completely whacked out.

"Where's Catherine?" Yes, I understand it is a funeral for her grandmother, but sometimes you need to lighten things up. Did Michael Douglas not show up?
Charlize Theron does her best Meg Ryan impression from When Harry Met Sally.
"So, Carmen. We have an idea for a photo shoot that will appeal to 12 year old boys. We want you to ride around on a low rider bike." I'm sure this all makes sense to someone, but unless she is selling the shoes or the bike I don't get it.
Did Bruce Willis get really old really fast?

I'm going to have to knock Eva Mendes from the top spot. Maybe I just want Entourage to start again.

Yeah, yeah, I know you love him. I'll be quiet.
Anyone want to take a guess what Demi is looking at? Or who?
When Dave Grohl is in the photos it is always with Foo Fighters so, I never have a chance to make witty comments. Not going to be any today either though, because I don't know what else to say. Mentos. How is that? Would that have worked?
I think from now on all celebrities who are on the cover of a magazine should have to pose next to said magazine so we can see if it is really them. Actually Delta Goodrem looks fairly close, and besides, I think it is an album cover and not a magazine.
You get the feeling that Justin Long is scared the camera is going to take a piece of his soul? Yeah, probably just posing.

Want to know something sad. The Longshots had its premiere at the same time as House Bunny. Ice Cube and company had two photographers show up, and House Bunny had approximately 100. Which film do you think will make a bigger profit?
Guy Pearce has been in the photos before right? Can't find him.
Not a big fan of Fred Durst, but he looks good.
It must suck to be famous because of your character and to always have to wear a mask. This is El hijo del Santo. Of course he could just be wearing it because he had a breakout of zits.

That is a lot of legos. Hey, but $400, it will keep your kids busy for about 30 minutes. Then they will realize they can never do it and start throwing them at each other. But for $400, that seems a small price to pay for their enjoyment.

Kevin Smith gets an award and still does not dress up. But, I love him anyway.
The other Tisdale. I always love when Jennifer shows up because you can just see how excited she is to be let out of the house.
Get well Jean Reno.
It worked. John Lithgow wore a crazy hat and someone noticed that he too was in the same play as Katie Holmes and took his photo.
Rhys loves Kim until Sienna calls him for a booty call.

R.E.M. - Mannheim, Germany
A first time appearance for Paige Davis.
At the Sex And The City premiere in Japan, I think this was either Madonna's house boy as a special guest star or a typical Tom Cruise party. I'm not quite sure.
Hey, they must love each other. They are wearing the same clothes. Later they will switch like Tom and Katie.

Now how is Will Smith supposed to get that home?

The puffy shirt is back.
A man who should get more respect than he does is Tyler Perry. Genius.
Lesson #418 on when you have had too much to drink. You start taking your clothes off in the club.
Wow, Robin Thicke just looks completely cheesy here.

Did Keith Urban Write This?

I don't know who is responsible for this latest Nicole Kidman rumor floating around but it has to be a relative. Supposedly Baz Lurman has been getting pissed at the cast and crew of the film Australia because he has a very limited time to finish everything and instead of working, the entire cast and crew of the film spends all their time with Nicole Kidman and her baby.

Apparently the baby is so cute that no one gets any work done, and instead spends all their time spewing baby talk and wanting to be near it every second of the day. Uh huh.

This is the biggest pile of crap I have ever read. The next thing you know it is going to be like a potato chip that looks like Jesus and people from all over the world will make a pilgrimage to the set of Australia so they can get a glimpse, of the still yet unglimpsed to the world Sunday Rose.

Apparently there is no baby cuter than this baby. Yeah, the problem is the toy store is running out of fake babies, and so Nicole is going to have to produce a real one soon.

Daily Mirror Blind Item

Which popular TV personality is decidedly less popular with his production crew?

Not only is he incredibly rude, he also makes work experience lackeys do all his research for him.

He Does Seem To Like The Road

So, did you hear the one about Nicole Richie and Joel Madden breaking up? I don't think it has quite got to that stage yet, but they certainly are not getting along as well as they did prior to the birth of their kid. Let's face it, this was a rebound relationship for both of them and she got pregnant pretty soon after they hooked up. Joel probably had the biggest case of blue balls in the history of the world after dating Hilary Duff for so long and was probably grateful that Nicole does not really have many issues with that.

You know, they are in that whole new love thing and then she gets pregnant and so that keeps them going, but honestly, they are not going to last. They are two different people and she has been trying to change for him and he has been trying to let her do her own thing but they are just not on the same page. If you can believe it, Joel and Hilary had much more in common.

Nicole hates being at home while Joel is on the road because, she is the kind of person who would go through a cell phone log. Joel, on the other hand is glad to get away from her, although hates leaving his daughter at home. Despite the fact they are doing some good things with charity work, the problem is, they fight almost everyday, and it is not fun for either of them.

Lily Allen Has A Problem

In an interview with Paper Magazine, Lily Allen talked about how she is a horrible person when she is on drugs, but loves them too much to stop taking them. So, to me when someone knows they are a completely different person, and someone they don't like when they take drugs, but are not willing to stop, then they have a problem.

When I was reading the article, I loved a section where she insisted though that when she found out she was pregnant last year, that she immediately stopped taking drugs. Despite that, she had a miscarriage. Hell yeah it had a miscarriage. What? Do you think you can do a boatload of drugs every night for years and years on end, get knocked up, keep doing drugs, find out you are pregnant, and then stop and everything will be fine.

Come on. You can't possibly think that. I'm glad she made the effort to stop, if this is in fact true, but if that kid had been born, it probably would have been really messed up. I don't remember the exact details but I think Lily had said she didn't find out she was pregnant until she was a couple of months along, so basically she had been doing drugs during that first two months or pregnancy before stopping.

Of course after the miscarriage she went right back to using. Hopefully she has found some more effective birth control since then.

What Do You Think?

Headlining this what do you think kind of gives me some leeway here, because the impetus of the story is something Jessica Simpson said on a Nashville radio station this morning. As you know, I have instituted a ban on Jessica Simpson which is why you never heard me say "beer me" yesterday or asking the question, "how many beers does it take before you would sleep with Jessica Simpson?" Oh, and then for good measure I would have posted that crazy double vision ass photo that is making its way around the internet. You know, the one that gives you a headache the second you look at it. I'm not cruel enough to post it here, but I'm sure someone would be willing to post it in the comments.

Anyway, I got distracted. During this radio interview, Jessica Jealousy said that she knows for sure Carrie Underwood is not calling Tony Romo because she checks the call log on his phone. Setting aside the fact that he has two phones and that he could delete the calls after they talk, I want to know if you think this is right. I did not listen to the interview. I saw some quotes from it. The quotes make it appear as if she is doing this on the sly (not anymore) and being really sneaky.

I consider my phone to be the equivalent of a woman's purse. If I hand it to you and ask you to look something up while I am driving or find some contact really quickly, then to me it is the same as you telling a guy to go get your purse or telling him there is a condom in the zipper. Whatever. If he goes into your purse for any other reason, or starts digging around, you are going to be pissed. You probably don't have anything to hide, but it is your stuff and you honestly can't remember everything that is in there. Same with the phone. Do you think as the significant other of someone you can just start scrolling through calls and contacts and reading all the text messages? What gives you that right? I probably don't have anything to hide, but maybe someone sent me something they don't want anyone else to see.

In my opinion, when you are in a relationship, you either trust someone or you don't. If you don't, then move on. Are you trying to catch your partner doing something wrong? Why are you trying to catch them? If you want to catch them so much, then move on. Because I guarantee you that if you are trying to catch them, that even if they are not doing anything, you are making their life miserable because you are probably the most jealous person on the planet.

I can honestly say that I feel uncomfortable even with the idea of looking at the contacts or call log of a phone which is not mine. Let me know what you think. Fair game to look at your partner's phone and mail and e-mail and entire workings of their life, or, not so much?

Mooshki - Movie Review - Death Race

This is a Paul W.S. Anderson remake of a Roger Corman movie. For some of you, that’s all I need to say. For the rest of you, if you like gratuitous destruction, explosions, bloody violence, and bouncing cleavage, with a touch of humor, “Death Race” is for you. There is no subtlety or irony, and only a bare smidgen of social commentary. (The fact that the prison is named “Terminal Island” and all the prisoners wear jumpsuits with “TERMINAL” on the back is a nice touch, though.)
Happily, the movie has equal opportunity eye candy. There’s CDAN fave Jason Statham getting hosed down naked and doing pull-ups in his cell wearing nothing but a pair of gloriously low-cut pants. Tyrese Gibson as the rival tough guy hottie. A bevy of big-breasted beauties whom Paris was kind enough to lend a set of her miraculous push-up bras, in particular Natalie Martinez as the ultimate fantasy – a scantily clad, drop dead sexy gal who works magic with a car. (Enty, if you like Eva Mendes, you’ll love her!) For the over-50 crowd, cutie Ian McShane is great as the wise mentor of the good-guy team, and Joan Allen, although a bit “smoothed out” in the face, looks absolutely gorgeous, with a body I’d kill to have. Joan also gets the best bad line of the movie. I don’t want to spoil it for anyone who plans to see the flick, but if you’re curious you can find it here: http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=14nhhg7&s=4

Who's Writing These Press Releases?

I was reading about my fourth Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes story this morning about how he was so romantic for flying across the country to walk her to work when I realized there is a new theme to all the Tom Cruise stories that are floating around the internet. I think the Scientology folks must have decided to change tactics, and it involves throwing Katie under a bus, or at least a small mini-van.

In the last week I have seen stories that trumpet how Tom has the web on his side because of his cameo in Tropic Thunder and that his career is about to take off again. Then you have the Valkyrie story about it being the greatest film of all time and how it is going to sweep through award season. Then this week so you have him being romantic, and now, is the final nail in Katie Holmes' coffin. The stories yesterday and today say that Katie wasn't her usual cheery self at the Tropic Thunder premiere and that she is working too hard. But, instead of feeling sorry for her for having to fly to LA from NY after working all day, going to a premiere and then flying back to NY immediately after, the articles all spin like this:

Katie has been working so much lately that she is killing her marriage to Tom Cruise. They are saying that she only cares about her career and not Tom, and she should consider not acting anymore for the sake of the marriage. Ummm. Hello? Is that the Stone Age calling?

These articles don't write themselves. Who on this planet would honestly think that Katie working one time a year is going to drive a wedge in their relationship? Come on. But when Tom had to shoot for four months on his upcoming disaster it was ok for the marriage because he is the man. Look, I can be a sexist pig when called for, but these kinds of stories are designed to make Katie look like the person who is destroying the marriage. So, if and when it does end, all the stories will point to how insensitive Katie was to take a job in New York and leaving her husband and daughter behind in LA. How Tom did everything including flying across the country just to spend a few hours with her, ignoring the fact that she does the same thing every week.

How could she be so selfish to actually work? Think I'm crazy? Watch.

NY Daily News Blind Items

Which two perky Olympian teammates are really bitter rivals? One spiked the other's protein shake with laxatives before a big competition, but her plan backfired when her nemesis not only powered through the competition but beat her so-called friend anyway.

Today's Blind Items

Chances are, whoever pops in your head for this one is the right answer. Sometimes they are easy, but this one was just too fun to not share with you.

I always thought that one day these two female B list actresses (#1-tv and film equally; #2 primarily tv) with almost identical careers who are best friends would get married. Well, they still might actually, but for now they are on the outs. If I could cackle right now, I would. The two have been known to vacation with each other. However, when it came time to go this year, #1 thought she was going to have other plans, so #2 made plans with some other celebrities, because that's what celebrities do. They vacation together. Well, when #1's plans fell through she naturally thought she could tag along. Not so fast. Turns out #2, et al didn't want #1 around and #2 didn't hold back in telling her why. As in 30 minutes of telling off. Should have done that a really long time ago.

Random Photos Part One

R.I.P. LeRoi Moore


Dave Matthews Band - Los Angeles


Jesse McCartney - New York



Remember the famous, "I'm a Hearst, not a Hilton" comment?



I thought Simon Cowell and Louis Walsh hated each other. Am I wrong about that? Are they off to a duel or something because that would explain the large purse Simon is carrying. Of course it could be a gift for Ryan Seacrest. You know how Simon is a spoiler.



Tommy Lee Jones needs to give me another US Marshals film. I mean why not? Don't pretend you haven't been roleplaying with your partner and yelled out "I need a hard target search."

Staind - New York


I saw this photo of Jodie Foster in Tokyo yesterday and was going to post it, but I had posted the school marm photo the day before and so thought naaah. And then yesterday there was a photo of her kids who looked adorable, but then you get into the whole, should I be posting photos of kids if they are not in the public eye. Then when I came back to this photo, I started asking myself if this whole red carpet thing on the stairs thing is a good idea? I mean Jodie's heels aren't sky high, but lots of the actresses in this world are, and their heels too. Combine that with a set of stairs they have never gone down, and the next thing you know, you have a scene from Romancing The Stone.



Chubby Checker is still alive. I'm telling you as much as this guy has done the twist, you know that he has just got to be in some really good shape. You know, he had a couple of other modest hits, but this guy has basically made a career out of one hit. One song and he was set for 50 years. Of course he has to go out every night and sing that damn song, and pretend he is enjoying it, but it has to be better than working for a living.


Andy Garcia, on on the set of City Island. I didn't show you any additional photos after this because he takes off his tie, then his shirt, and just basically gets naked right there for the world to see. I was going to, but then I said, hey, treat your readers with some respect. They don't need to see bare chests everyday to be happy. They can appreciate a Verne Troyer tongue and are just as thrilled as a shirtless Andy Garcia.



So, does anyone know what happens in Hamlet 2? Instead of everyone dying, do they just all have a BBQ, or what happens. Anyway Phoebe Strole was there, but that was pretty much it. Every star above her on the list pretty much thinks this one is going to bomb so stayed home. Yay for Phoebe. Way to take one for the team.



Moby was there too, but this is all about the shirt. I know it's lame, but I have to. You just can't leave it sitting out there and not say something. "Flipper?" " I didn't even know her." Thank you, I will be here all week. Be sure to tip your waitress.

Michelle Ryan actually looks normal again. After that whole Bionic Woman debacle, I have to say she looked like she was going to have a breakdown.



The new Peach Pit. Sad. So does anyone else stay up really late at night and watch old Emergency episodes on Netflix? Yeah, I know, but I have no life. Anyway, there was one episode where the kid had to go to the emergency room because he ate too many peaches. The pits have cyanide in them, but I mean how many do you have to eat before it gets to that point? Plus the kid was like 8. How many 8 year olds are sitting around eating peach pits like popcorn?

Someone needs to have words with Kirsten Dunst because whenever she gets into the whole, look like crap, don't need a shower thing, rehab is like a phone call away.

Adam Gregory on the set of 90210.

Yes, that's Orlando Bloom. Yes, Miranda Kerr was with him. No, Greasy didn't join them for a 3some.

Jennifer Lopez Is Still A Diva

Remember when Jennifer Lopez was on Good Morning America earlier this week blathering endlessly about how she was going to do the triathlon? Well, as it turns out Jennifer thinks, quite seriously, mind you that her effort ranks right up there in the greatest achievements of sport.

According to a source over at GMA, after the interview was concluded, Jennifer Lopez had no idea what all the fuss or big deal was about Michael Phelps.

"I can't understand why everyone is talking about that swimmer."

She didn't know his name, and also thought that the top story on the program should have been how she, after giving birth just six months ago is training for a triathlon, and that the Michael Phelps story was just not that big of a deal, especially considering what she had done six months ago.

Ummm. You gave birth Jen. As far as I know people have been doing it for awhile now. And you know what? People have been known to go to work the very next day after giving birth. Hell, I bet back in the day, people had a kid in the morning and still went out and put in an 8 hour day. You know, Jennifer some moms, just weeks after their children are born, are working two, and sometimes three jobs to make ends meet. Sure, it doesn't involve swimming in a pool or jogging on a treadmill or riding a stationary bike for an hour or two, but I am much more impressed with their achievement than anything you have done so far.

Is the whole nation really supposed to turn its back on a guy who is in his 3 Olympics and has been training for this his whole life, just so that we can give you a standing ovation for not not falling off a treadmill in the past few weeks.

Come on Jen. See. This is why no one likes you and why they stopped buying your CD's and going to your films. They know you are spoiled, but what makes it worse is that you don't keep quiet about it, and you don't really have any talent. Sure, you used to look pretty good, but that kind of stopped for me as the credits rolled after Selena. Since then? Not so much.

Show some respect, and maybe you will get some in return.

Julianne Hough Found A Sucker

It took long enough and she had to search the world over, but Julianne Hough finally found someone who fell for her. Sure, she had to move her way down the ladder, but when she found a guy willing to do what she wanted, when she wanted, and to make sure she was well provided for, she took him. The unlucky guy is Chuck Wicks, who is a pretty good country singer. The pair met on a tour with Brad Paisley. Although Chuck had just broken up with his girlfriend, even if he hadn't, it probably wouldn't have stopped Julianne.

The one sticking point I see here is that Chuck is still on tour while Julianne had to go back to DWTS, which means that Chuck better hope Julianne's partner is not wealthier than Chuck, or Chuck will be singing those rosie palm blues. Of course if you believe anything Julianne says, which I don't, she is also a woman who intends to remain a virgin until she gets married. Uh huh.

Now you might be a fan of DWTS, and I encourage your fandom. This has nothing to do with the show, but rather just how, in my opinion, most of the dancers seem to think of this as their own personal meat market where they can move up the ladder from a nobody, to the girlfriend of a D lister, and then hopefully B, and then A. Oh, and it isn't just the women dancers on the show, the male dancers do it too. If they are given the opportunity, they are just as blood thirsty as the women.

That Explains Some Things

Because I love each of you, I try my best to keep photos of Verne Troyer from appearing on the site very often. I am here to make your day bright and sunny, and not fill it with images that will keep you awake all night. This prohibition does not extend however to FFF. Yes, you will all have Ozzy Osbourne's peen melded into your brain for all times.

But, just because I haven't posted it doesn't mean that Verne hasn't been photographed. He has been everywhere lately. At first I thought it was to counter all that bad publicity about the sex tape. Then, I thought it was because he didn't have a girlfriend anymore, so he was going to all these events to find someone who got drunk enough to give that viper tongue a whirl.

As it turns out though, Verne is filming a reality show. He hasn't sold it to anyone yet. He is just running around town with a crew of guys filming his life. So, do the cameras turn off when he gets home, because honestly I want to know how that whole thing with the ex is going back at his place. I want to know if she is still alive, and if so, are they yelling at each other all the time. Does she throw him a bone so to speak every now and again? Does he have a toilet in the living room and the kitchen, or just in one room?

So many questions about the home. Watching him go from club to club doesn't sound all that appealing. If it were appealing, I would post more of his photos, so buyers, you need to think about that. As for auditions, I doubt he really goes on many. I mean it isn't like he is going to replace Bruce Willis in Die Hard 5 - The Retirement Home.

Daily Mirror Blind Item Part 2

Which celeb had a hissy fit after a photoshoot? She demanded a host of A-list stars to pose with her in the picture but got a shock when all that turned up were a few minor boyband members......

Cate Blanchett - For Donna Karan

For the most part I have stopped posting fashion shoot photos or advertising campaign shots, except for maybe one from a shoot or if it is a really cool ad. Of course this does not apply to Johnny Depp or Daniel Craig so don't have a heart attack. I also decided to make an exception for Cate Blanchett. Not only is she stunning in the photos, but all of you seem to love her as well, so I figured what the hell, and posted the entire ad campaign from Donna Karan.

That's Disgusting

So Gary Glitter got out of jail in Vietnam but is refusing to go back to the UK. Well, I know he is a UK citizen, but if I were them I wouldn't want him. Currently he is stuck in Thailand where they don't want him, but only legally can deport him to Vietnam which is where he came from on the flight and where he served three years for molesting a 10 and 11 year old girl.

What I find disgusting is that this guy has been kicked out of several countries permanently for sex offenses against minors, jailed in the UK for possessing child porn, and doesn't even seem to care, and yet on the flight from Vietnam to Thailand, passengers on the flight were getting his autograph. His autograph?

You have got to be f**king kidding me. Who the hell would want the autograph of a paedophile. I don't care if he had some hit songs back in the 1970's. Who gives a crap? Do you know how many children's lives he has destroyed with his perversions? And you want his autograph? I don't care who he was or what he had done, there is no way I would ever want an autograph from someone who had been having sex with kids not even in double digits.

What? Are you going back home and display it proudly at the office? Show it to the wife and kids and say, "look honey, I got Gary Glitter's autograph and he thought the pictures of our kids were precious." You have to be one sick bastard to want his autograph. You would think there would be at least one person who would yell at him or cuss at him or try and kick him in the balls or, even cut them off. Nope. Just a bunch of a-holes who wanted to meet someone famous.

If you want to read a really excellent account on his travails, click here for the Daily Mail article on it.

Daily Mirror Blind Item

Which Tv star has developed an unhealthy crush on his assistant? He bombards her with inappropriate calls day and night, and even tells her about, er, special dreams he is having. ...

I'm Tired Of Being Treated Like An Idiot

I can't stand it anymore. I know why the world has turned to blogs and websites rather than magazines for their gossip. Sure advertisers will still head for the magazines and pay the ridiculous rates even though they are pretty much worthless for anything. US Weekly has a headline today that says:

Brad Pitt & Jen Aniston To Have Run-In At Toronto Film Festival

So, when you read that it looks to me like they will be hanging out and sharing a spliff behind the CN Tower and then walking across the glass floor to see who falls first. See? I love you Toronto. Oh, speaking of Toronto and failed relationships, apparently Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling were hanging out together in Toronto yesterday, so...

OK, I got distracted. Anyway, US Magazine knows the reader will see the headline and will assume that Jen and Brad are going to see each other. I mean it is what the headline says right? There are no qualifiers to the sentence. It says they will have a run-in. It is what every man, woman, and child who reads the English language would believe when reading the headline. In this case though, I think US is actually trying to say that each star is going to run into the film festival and then run right back out.

I have seen so many websites and blogs talking about how they are going to run into each other and plans to keep them separated. First of all who gives a f**k? What do you think would happen if they would? Do you think they are going to beat each other in front of the media, or go get a room and bang one out for old times. No, they would probably smile and hug and move on. Then of course there would be months of analysis about the body language in the hugs, not taking into account the fact that Brad was probably holding his nose because Jen smells like a dirty wet ashtray.

Yes, they are both going to be at the festival, but their films are premiering two days apart. Do you think they are going to hang out at Starbucks for two days hoping to get a glimpse of each other? Please. And for magazines to say they are going to is a bunch of crap and an attempt to fool every person who reads them. US is lying here and they don't even care. They know how 99% of the world interprets the word run-in, and so they feed on that, and don't care if the other 1% pick up on it because they are probably reading The Economist anyway.

Today's Blind Items

#1 - This C/B list television actress on a very hit CBS show is tired of no one paying attention to her. So, she did what any self respecting person would do in her situation. She hired a photographer who now follows her all day in his car and takes shots of her when she gets out, when she shops, shouting her name, drawing attention, whatever he can. He then tries to interest the magazines in buying them. Hasn't really worked well so far as no one ever posts any photos of her or talks about her.

#2 - This American Idol top 5 alum is thisclose to posing for a Playboy shoot in order to get her career back in gear again. Waiting in the wings? An alum from the same year who will only get the green light if the other alum passes on the deal.

#3 - Do you think the fact that this funnyman has an assistant who is a coke fiend and will sleep with anyone had an effect on the breakup of his marriage?

Random Photos Part One

No rhyme or reason to Amy Adams being on the top. She just happens to have the initials AA, and so she ended up here. Although, out of the many Ben Stiller films, Night At The Museum was one of my favorites. This is Amy on the set of Night At The Museum 2.
With the exception of her name, the Anna Faris of today is nothing like the Anna Faris of ten years ago.
Adrian Grenier gets us started on what for some reason has kind of turned into a bare chest edition of the photos.
I understand Balthazar Getty and Sienna Miller were caught in mid embrace, but it does look like Balthazar is checking his watch to make sure he doesn't move into the next hour and cost himself an extra $500. Yes, Balthazar is an ass for doing this to his wife, but Sienna jokes are just so much easier because she has been caught doing the same thing repeatedly. Balthazar on the other hand is just a blind item or four.

Sienna on her way to the airport.
Billy Bob Thornton - New York
Ben Affleck is just the like rest of us. And when I say us, I mean guys. And when I say guys, I mean guys who balk at the idea of taking a shower or combing what is left of our hair simply because we may have to go out in public. Sure, we wore these clothes the past few days, but hey, it isn't like we are going to someplace where we are going to be in a confined area. Sure, the jacket might be ten years old, but hey, who is going to notice. Of course unlike the rest of us, Ben gets his photo sent all over the world. Almost makes you want to shower. Almost.
Would this be an inopportune time to play Who Would You Rather Do?
"Drink Vitamin Water and you too can look like Corey Feldman in Lost Boys."

Ben Stiller on the set of Night At The Museum 2.
Playing catch with the kids on the playground? Priceless. Forgetting that baseballs break car windows? $463.28
I don't need to attend the Bacardi Mojito Masterclass. Lets face it. After about the 8th mojito, you are just chugging the rum from the bottle and chewing the mint leaves in your mouth because you are hungry as hell and forgot to go to the grocery store earlier.
Brett Lee demonstrates the latest in bar technology which takes away the guessing of whether some guy is managing to conceal 50 pounds of fat under his Spanxx.

Now, this could just be me, but are Katharine McPhee's breasts actually touching her waistline?

Kelly Brook is not doing Pretty Woman 2.
See, I learn something new everyday. Apparently in Germany when there is a photocall for a new television show, the actors and actresses, show the press what they want for Christmas. I know, I know, but it is tougher than you think to come up with a joke when someone is doing this. It would have been so much easier if some guy had been stuffing socks down his pants as well.
Normally I would think this was weird as crap, but this is Helena Bonham Carter. That ship sailed a long time ago.
Judging from the rest of the photos in this set, I'm guessing Fernando Verdasco plays tennis for a living, but if you told me he was a violinist, I would believe you because honestly I have no idea, and am too lazy to check.
Either this Rhys Ifans thing with Kimberly Stewart is just a friends thing or his peen is huge because I don't know how he could get away with wearing this to what seems like a fairly nice place for dinner with a girlfriend.

Nicole Kidman forgot to tuck it back behind her.
So, according to the Daily Mail, this tattoo is brand new. You will notice it says Nicole. Umm, wouldn't you want one of your daughter. Marriages are curious beasts, but your child is forever.
Sometimes when you catch Monet Mazur just right it is like looking at Madonna from 20 years ago.
Lily Allen winning friends and influencing people. Tough to get a lot behind a punch when you are wearing heels, drunk off your ass, smoking a cigarette and surrounded by paps.
"Look, don't you know who I have f**ked? I want a discount."

Shwayze - New York
" Bueller? Bueller?" I would have also accepted, "Is anyone sitting here?", "Did someone drop a quarter?", and "OK, who peed?"
Selma Blair with her acid trip inspiration.
I'm a masochist, what can I say. I just keep hoping it will get better at some point, but it really doesn't.

Daily Mirror Blind Item Part Two

Which female celeb befriended a young pal at V Festival after she discovered he could get hold of some quality gear? They were joined to the hip, and nose, all day......

Who Do You Choose?

Hey, I'm an American and and a guy and I love sports so I am just as big of a Michael Phelps fan as anyone out there. As such, I think I should tell him that if the rumors are true about Michael and Amanda Beard, he really should rethink that.

I also have no problems with his mother Debbie Phelps. by all accounts she is a wonderful person, an educator, a principal and a fantastic mother. With dollars in their eyes, Johnson's named Debbie Phelps "Mom Of The Olympic Games."

Hey, I know, you need to cash in while the cashing is good. In fact she is going to go film some commercials for them and Johnson's is going to donate some money in her name to some good causes.

Here's the thing. I think that the mom of the Olympics should go to Barbara Bachman, who along with her husband were stabbed in Beijing towards the outset of the Olympics. Barbara lost her husband in that attack and is just now showing signs that she will survive. Barbara and her husband were at the Games to see their son-in-law coach the US Women's Volleyball team. Their daughter was a witness to the brutal attack.

So, explain to me how Barbara is not the Mom Of The Olympic Games. Debbie Phelps doesn't need anything. Michael is rolling in the dough and can contribute far more to whatever causes Johnson's was going to donate money to in order to exploit the Phelps name. Perhaps Johnson's doesn't want to offend China and risk not being able to sell any of their products there and so doesn't want to mention anything bad or negative. No, instead they went with who could make their company the most money. They didn't go with someone who probably has incredible medical bills, a medical flight back to the US, a dead husband and a devastated family.

Way to go Johnson's. Be proud.

Might As Well Kick Him In The Junk One Last Time

As Kate Hudson continues sleeping her way through the Hollywood phone book, she has taken pause for a moment, to go back to a name she has crossed off several times. Apparently she likes to beat dogs, or beat down men, or just kick them in the nuts repeatedly. According to Star Magazine, Kate has been calling Owen Wilson and trying to reel him back in for some sport fishing. You know, just in case he would like to be crushed again.

Star says that Owen was frosty to the idea at first. Oh, not because she has beaten him down and broken him or even possibly was the result of his suicide attempt. No, the reason he was frosty was that she had been doing one of his best friends. Well, Kate managed to skate right through that one, and Owen did his awww shucks thing and now they are talking on the phone.

Now, we all know that talking leads to coffee which leads to dating which leads to Owen getting stepped on again when Kate takes a shine to some other guy that Owen is close to. I would say a brother, but she probably knows to stay well clear of their path. If you are Owen, you need to stick with that woman you were hanging out at the beach with last week, or go smoke with Woody or do something other than getting back together with Kate Hudson. If he ends up with her again, he needs to turn in his man card and go sit next to Zav Efron in the Ryan Seacrest Room watching Scarface on a continuous loop until he is healed.

At Least Something Is Real

Victoria Beckham is sending out her lawyer dogs against Now Magazine because they said that she stays slim through the use of pills and her sister smuggles them to Victoria from the UK. Oh sure, what? Our diet pills aren't good enough for you? Have you seen what our diet pills can do for you? Me either. I'm actually scared to take diet pills. I'll eat or drink anything known to man, but for some reason I just won't take a diet pill.

I know it probably will not be worse for me than a Red Bull, but I just have all these stories in my mind of people dying from ephedrine and so, rolling the death dice just to drop a few pounds off a 400 pound frame is just not something that is attractive to me. I mean, if I am going to go that route, I am going to go the coke route. At least if I went the coke route I would feel good, lose weight, have friends while the coke lasted. I would get to meet interesting people, and, I mean, who doesn't love a good nose bleed.

Anyway, Victoria says she is a role model to girls around the world and is hurt by the story. She doesn't want them to think that pills are the way to diet, but getting fake lips and breasts with permanently hard nipples is ok. See, that is what kills me about this. She is offended because she is a role model and doesn't want girls thinking she does it.

"Victoria takes her position as a role model to young women very seriously and is horrified by this hurtful, fabricated story. It is now with her lawyers."

I agree with that. So, why then, does she think that kids won't follow her example and get fake body parts? Has she ever come out against plastic surgery? Has she ever said anything bad about it or explained why she did it? So, she's concerned about a bunch of girls thinking they might take diet pills because she does, but she isn't concerned that she is encouraging girls to think the only way they can get a man is by making their body turn into some kind of anime barbie doll.

I'm sure it makes sense to someone, but not to me.

Hey Kanye? Just How Racist Are You?

So, while surfing through the various celebrity blogs written by publicists today, I came across Kanye West's site. Yes, and he makes a big deal of the fact that he writes EVERYTHING, including posting all of the photos. So, with that in mind, I hope he can explain to me how this headline is not racist.

MY FAVORITE WHITE GIRL!!!!!!!

He has this headline which in true Kanye style has the exclamation point permanently to the floor, directly above this picture of Scarlett Johannson. There were in fact an entire series of photos of her, but this was the top one.
Now, explain to me how Kanye can go around calling someone their favorite white girl, yellow girl, red girl or whatever and it is cool, and no one gets mad, but, if I were to ever put up a headline that said my favorite black girl or white girl or yellow girl I would have everyone coming down on me saying I was a racist. There would be a huge uproar to the extent that a blog can have an uproar.

In the same manner, I think it is disrespectful when people run around saying oh, he is my main gay. Why can't they just be your friend? Why do you have to predicate their relationship to you with an adjective like gay?

I think what Kanye said is shameful and racist. You would think that he would be mature enough and adult enough to see people without color or without qualifiers. Why can't Scarlett be your favorite woman, or better yet, your favorite person?

Does Kanye have a favorite Jew and Muslim person as well? Perhaps he has a certain Buddhist he holds close to his heart or that Seventh Day Adventist who really rocks his world.

When you have qualifiers, it sucks, and, Kanye, you suck. I don't need any kind of qualifier. You are not my favorite person Kanye, and never will be.

That's Reality Television

I know many of you have no idea who Jade Goody is, but she is a reality star in the UK who became famous one year on their Big Brother. Last year she became infamous for making some racist jokes about an East Indian and was vilified by the British and Indian public. Well, to make amends she entered the Celebrity Indian Big Brother House two days ago, and then was told live on the internet in front of millions of people today she has cervical cancer.

The way they told her was they had her go into the interview room and had her speak to her agent and her doctor who passed along the results of the test. She then broke down and immediately left the House.

Now, the producers say they will not air the footage on the television broadcast, but everyone who has a computer and was streaming online already saw the footage and watched it happen live. Was that really necessary? Are you telling me that there is no way those cameras can't be shut off? If you are not going to air it, then why film it? You must have known what was going to be said before she went in there. So, why not stop the cameras and let her decide whether or not she wants to share the news with the world.

Now, the cynic in me is really glad there was a doctor who was involved in this conversation with her, because if it had just been her agent, I would have thought perhaps the fix was in. Jade has had three other cancer scares, despite which she still drinks like a fish and is constantly abusing her body. She was immensely popular in the UK before her racist comments and as a result of those comments lost a bunch of endorsements. Now, she goes into the Indian Big Brother House to pay her bills and support her kids and wham, two days later she gets the cancer announcement. Now, the Indian people will be sympathetic, and love her. Sharon Stone of course would say it is karma, but that's why Sharon Stone has no hope of a career anymore.

I choose to not be a cynic in this case and pass along my best wishes to Jade and her kids.

What Else Is She Going To Say?

When newlyweds Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi were cornered yesterday on their way to lunch by paps, Portia was asked what she thought of married life.

Spoken like a true newlywed she said, "amazing." Well, unless you are Britney Spears, Elizabeth Taylor, or met a stripper named Fiona at the Crazy Horse in Vegas who said she would treat you really well until she found out you were broke, almost every newlywed is going to say that. You just got married two days ago. Of course you are going to say that. Hell, you are in the middle of opening presents or on your honeymoon so of course you love it. The crap doesn't start until you both have to go back to work, realize you never see each other and that your office spouse has better breath and makes better coffee.

Plus, what idiot is going to be standing in front of their spouse, and say, "Awful. Crappy. I wish I had never married. I thought the sex would be better. I thought there would be sex. I had no idea that men had that problem. For some reason I thought it would be bigger. Are you not supposed to be able to feel it?" OK, well there are some idiots who would do that but not Portia. So, of course it is amazing. Plus, People just came out with the pretty pictures so it would be a tad uncouth to take their dough while at the same time getting into an argument with your new spouse for the world to see.

Daily Mirror Blind Item

Which outrageous celeb invited both his ex-girlfriend and current long-term girlfriend to his film premiere and left them both in tears?

Why Creams Are Better

A typical day on the beach between lovers. In this case we have Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell. As we meet our couple today, Kristen is just arriving, while Dax has been baking for awhile. Kristen kisses him, and I feel all of you just threw up a little. It's ok. Just remember he also jammed that tongue down Kate Hudson's throat.

With the kiss out of the way and Kristen undressed, she decides she wants Dax to put some sunscreen on her. Before he will though, he makes sure that she has brushed and flossed.
Yes, because when you spray someone on their stomach, it could get in the eyes.
"here, lift your leg. No, twist it. Come on. Stop moving."
And just a little bit on your ass, because the sun could seep through and actually give you some color.

"Thats it. More Karate Kid. Come on.
"There you go. Mr. Mayagi would be proud."
"Watch the balls. Watch the balls."
And then they go down to the water to wash it all off.

Today's Blind Items

Apparently he just couldn't take it anymore. With the exception of the actress who took a knife to her husband, you really don't see much abuse from women in the blind items. It seems though as if this B list celebrity couple is done. He of the C- list films and she of the A list television and B list films. Turns out he finally got sick and tired of the verbal abuse he took from the wife everyday. Not talking about three or four days a week, talking about every day. Did she hit him? Absolutely. Although, her favorite thing to do was to try and scratch him with the engagement and wedding ring he bought her. He has had some lovely cuts as a result of this, including stitches more than once. He has walked out before, but she has always talked him into coming back. This time though he has been gone for ten days, and isn't returning any calls.

Random Photos Part One

For the top spot today, we have Nicole Patrick. The reason? She would like a couple of minutes to explain to CDAN why she chose to wear the short red dress despite the bazillion bug bites. She told me that the day before this photo was taken, she had been doing a photoshoot in a field. The shoot required she lay down in said field where she was swarmed by various biting insects for several hours. She knew it looked awful, but was contractually required to wear the dress at the premiere of the film. She did have a pair of hose she was going to wear to hide the bites, but her manager told her not to wear them because they didn't match the dress. I know this has been keeping you up at night, so hopefully you will all rest better.

Now, with that out of the way, we can move on to America Fererra, who has been in the photos way too often lately, even for someone I really like.
Normally when the government of Malaysia says that a performer is too sexy or too provocative to perform in front of the Muslim crowd, I tend to agree with them. In this case, I don't though. I think they just assumed that since Avril Lavigne was a western singer that she must dress and act like a ho. I present to you, the people of Malaysia, what Avril usually wears while performing. A more body shy performer would be tough to find, even in her personal life. Now, as for the quality of the performance, well, maybe the ban isn't such a bad idea.
The strangest thing happened at the ALMA awards over the weekend. It was like all of the actors thought that people around the world were idiots and would have no idea what the particular person, or people were famous for. Case in point.

Cheech and Chong - famous for getting stoned on film.

Helio Castroneves - famous for driving
and for dancing.
Oscar De La Hoya - famous for boxing. For your eyesight, I chose to not post the photo where he drops trou and shows off his thong.
Carlos Mencia - I'm guessing this means joke stealer.
I didn't know Luke Skywalker got married over the weekend. Hey, you know I am happy for them. Jealous of Ellen perhaps, but you have to admit, Ellen does look Luke.

Duffy - Telford, UK
Death Cab For Cutie - Sydney
Bill Murray sky diving. It's definitely random.
"Sir Bob. Are you sitting down? OK, since Peaches got married, she has apparently slept with her ex, and was spotted making out and groping some random guy at a club while on vacation with you. As for her husband, he apparently had a female house guest over the weekend who spent the night."

Frank Vincent and Antonio Edwards Suarez on the set of their new film.

It's like taking a step back in time and looking at high school prom photos. The cougar and the freshman basketball player.
Awww, Eric Winter gave Roselyn Sanchez his class ring. Guess they are going steady.
Then there was the guy who came with his cousin. (If you are playing along at home, I would also accept foreign exchange student, guidance counselor who was always volunteering to chaperone, and narc)
And the kid who skipped about 6 grades.Edward James Olmos and his mother. Edward is looking really good.
Want to know when someone has too much money? They get tired of going to a tanning salon, and so have a spray tanner installed in their bathroom at home.

I actually think this is the first time Jorge Garcia has been in the photos. Long overdue Jorge.
The only explanation is maybe there was a PTA meeting after.
You know what? Jessica Alba actually looks frazzled enough where I believe she might be taking care of her kid on her own most of the time.
Girls Aloud - Chelmsford, UK
Couldn't be the DIVA Awards without Maxi Pad making an appearance.

Macaulay Culkin for the first time in a long time. He and Mila Kunis have been together a very long time. Happy Birthday to Mila byt he way. I think she just turned 25 over the weekend.
Do you think the guy carrying LisaRaye Misick's bag has heard about the biting story and if he will complain if she doesn't tip him?
Lostprophets - Telford, UK
I like to check in every four or five months to see how Lisa Lisa is doing.
Rigmar Gustafsson - Her Xheim, Pfalz Germany

The obnoxiously good looking couple award of the day goes to Rande Gerber and Cindy Crawford. Isn't she like 100 by now?
He acts like he isn't getting paid enough.

New Kids On The Block? More like the degenerates down the street who couldn't get a job and are living back at home with their parents. Yeah, I know, I know, you love them. But, if they were just three guys in a photo, what would you think? And I swear if anyone tells me you would f**k Danny Wood if he wasn't who he was, then you are full of crap. He looks like Edgar from Men In Black. You know, the farmer who was taken over by the cock roach and couldn't get the face right.
Will Young - Telford, UK

The Stranglers - Chelmsford, UK
The Pogues - Telford, UK
"I'm Chevy Chase, and you're not."

NY Daily News Blind Item

Which very married '90s rocker who has been touring this summer has a penchant for the college-age girls who are still lighting incense and listening to his albums? According to our tour bus spy, he brings a different co-ed home just about every night he's on the road.

Anne Hathaway's Bulls**t Detector

Aaah, Anne Hathaway finally stuck her foot in her mouth. She has been traveling around the world doing press for Get Smart, and has never strayed much from, "I loved the role. Just a great cast. Great Script. Everyone got a long great. Wonderful experience and we all became such good friends."

Whatever. Finally though someone asked her a question which was unexpected and in response we got to see some of Anne, and why she is delusional. The reporter was talking to her about celebrities and people in their lives who only have use for them because they are a celebrity.

"I have a finely tuned bulls*** detector and I'm not the sort of person who trusts very easily."

Well you need a refund on it dear or the thing has been tampered with the past few years. Either that, or you just heard so much of it from Raffaello that you just can't tell the good from the bad anymore. So, is she telling us here that she believes everything Raffaello told her, because that's what it is sounding like to me. She is saying that he could never have got away with anything because she can tell when someone is using her and bullshi**ing with her. Please. If that is the case then, and she really can tell, to me, that means she was involved with him and knew exactly what was going on. She should have said she is really gullible and an airhead and has no idea of what goes on around me.

That would have been the route to go. Now, she seems like an evil genius, playing the puppet master. Not the key master, because that would be Ghostbusters. This is the puppet master.

What Do Will & Grace, Star Wars And Booze All Have In Common? My Saturday Night With Dad

Yeah, I know, I know, I could be spending thousands of words talking about the Ellen and Portia wedding, but you know I am never going to do that unless Calista Flockhart was there and ate some food or something. Anyway, I would much rather talk about Saturday night. Dad fired up the mini-van and since he can't actually drive the thing anymore, he unlocked the basement door and told me to drive him to the ArcLight (movie theatre) so he could see Star Wars. Somehow mom got out of this. I don't know if she had to put out or what, but she got out of this horrible duty.

Saturday night. Sunset and Vine. 99 Dodge Caravan. With my dad. Good times.

Oh, it gets better. The movie he dragged me out to see was Star Wars. Yep. See, dad has been going to these things since the beginning. He even has one of those shirts that says May 25, 1977 Grauman's Chinese Theatre. First Day, First Show. He actually was there I think. Maybe. Or thinks he was. Anyway, he has a shirt, not that it proves anything.

So, at the ArcLight you have reserved seating for every show. What that means is that if you don't believe in computers like my dad, you have to go drag yourself down to the show very early in order to secure seats you like and that are together. In my dad's case that is like three hours early. 515pm arrival for an 815pm show.

Lucky for all parties involved, there is a bar at the ArcLight and nice, strong drinks. The kind that make you feel all warm and toasty inside and make those words your dad is saying just float over you like a cloud on a sunny day at the beach. Six drinks and 2 burgers later, we made our way to the screen. It is still 30 minutes before the show starts, but my dad wants popcorn (with real butter) and enough candy to give him another heart attack. Of course, I match him calorie for calorie. As we like to say, 1,000 pounds of loving.

Because we got there so early, and had consumed so many adult beverages we pretty much blitzed our way through a large popcorn each and some of the candy. So, being the good son, I offered to get some more before the movie started. So, I go and buy enough to feed a group of school children and as I am leaving I see Sean Hayes (Jack from Will & Grace) walking into the line with two other guys. I then made a classic mistake. I did a double take. Frankly, you have that much booze and have bad eyes, you do the double take. If you do the double take, the celebrity will catch it and so I waited for the look. It was there. He knew I knew and then it was like he was daring me to come talk to him or take his photo. Well, I had my hands full, and I wasn't about to let go of popcorn and chocolate to take a photo of some guy who has had a grand total of about one hour of television and film screen time in the past two years.

I just thought that by this time, he would be wanting people to recognize him, and to not be forgotten. Instead he was giving me the death look. Well, f**k him. I hope he got mobbed later by a bunch of 50 year old playing bingo women.

Anyway as for the movie, it sucked. Don't spend your money. It was like a video game. I kept turning around expecting the film operator to have a game controller in his hand and that each showing turned out differently depending on who was running the film.

Dad of course wanted to stay and see it again along with the other 30 people who manged to stick it out all the way through. I told him I was leaving and since he can't fit behind the steering wheel, it was either that or walking. Nothing my dad hates more than walking.

Speidi - Your Opinion Needed

I told myself that I would never actually devote the time necessary to actually write a post about Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, but honestly, they wasted about 10 minutes of my life this morning that I will never get back, and I feel as if I owe them one. They were guests on Ryan Seacrest's show this morning as I drove to work. I live close to work and so don't spend a great deal of time listening to Ryan. I try and time it on Mondays so I can listen to him make a big deal about how straight he is and how many ladies he hit on over the weekend, and then usually an interview. Today it was Speidi.

Now, you can't go to any event in LA without running into the couple. It is impossible. You could go to the grand opening of a coffee shop run by people who speak no English and Speidi will be there smiling for cameras and then moving on to the next stop. They literally do this all day and night from what I can tell.

Anyway, I don't watch The Hills, so maybe they have discussed this before which is why I need your help. Oh, but before I get there, Heidi is going to record a Christian album as soon as possible because she has a message she wants to get out to everyone and she is filled with the spirit of the Lord. She just did pop to try and get a foothold. Well, they played her new song "Overdosing" which is totally a Christian title by the way, and I listened to about ten seconds of it, pulled to the side of the road and cried because I knew that I had reached the lowest possible moment of my life and that anything after that would be a positive experience.

So, back to the point of this post. Oh, wait. One more thing. Spencer Pratt is convinced that when he and Heidi get married live on television it will be bigger than American Idol. Uh huh. Well, considering that contractually it will be on MTV, it will be impossible to achieve a rating as high as American Idol, but thanks for playing anyway.

Now, Heidi starts going off about being a Christian and leading a Christian life and how Spencer just wants to marry her so he can have sex with her because she is saving herself for marriage and Spencer is saving himself for some cute boy from West Hollywood. No, not really. As far as you know. Anyway, in the world that is Heidi and Spencer, they sleep together every night, in the same bed, and Spencer says they place pillows between them so they don't touch.

So, here is my question. First you have to suspend all disbelief about Heidi Montag and just pretend she is being truthful about being a virgin. So, is it ok to live with someone, and sleep in the same bed as long as you don't have sex? Then it isn't a sin? Is it only a sin on the nights you do have sex, and then all the other nights it's like summer camp? I'm kind of fuzzy on the whole math thing here so if someone would take the time to give me a lesson in theological doctrine when it comes to the whole living together/not having sex thing, I would appreciate it.

Yeah, It Wowed Them

Last week when the announcement moving up the release date of the Tom Cruise film Valkyrie was made, I had just been on the UA website. I had been on there because I wanted to see if they had ever issued a press release about Paula Wagner that I could ridicule or mock. They didn't write one. I'm not sure they even have anyone left working there except Tom. Oh, sure Isabella and Connor will answer the phone every now and again, but it is just usually their friends.

Also not on the website was the new date of release even though apparently it had been in the works for sometime. In fact, it took them several days to get an IT guy to change the date on the site. I'm okay with them moving the date up. I know it was because they wanted some of that Showtime money they would have lost if they didn't get it released by December 31st. That is a business decision made on a film that is going to probably tank. Might as well get something for it.

However, now I am seeing a whole rash of stories that say the film was moved up because after editing and "wowing" test audiences all over the US, someone thinks it has a chance at some big awards during award season. Uh huh.

Unless they edited out Tom Cruise, replaced him with Will Ferrell, and have renamed it Anchorman Two - Stay Classy Berlin, this film is going to bomb. The only test screenings that have wowed anyone are the ones they held at SeaOrg where everyone filled out comment cards in triplicate. "Never seen higher scores for a film before." Uh huh.

You do realize that when this film is done, the entire cost including production, prints and ads is going to be about $200M. When you spend that kind of money, you will do or say anything to try and get an extra buck here, or an extra buck there. Who the hell is wowed anyway? Did they all write down on the comment cards, "I was wowed." "Wow" "Uh, uh, ummm, wow"

The Year Is Running Out

When Jennifer Lopez gave birth to her twins back in February she told the world, or at least those who shelled out $5 to see her airbrushed photos in People that she was going to complete a triathlon by the end of the year. Wanting to one up that other Scientology princess at her own game, a triathlon seemed best at the time. Now, there are just a few months left in the year, but apparently she is going to do it. The only thing that is holding the entire process up is finding a swimmer to replace her during the swim, a bicyclist to tow her and a weightlifter who will carry her during the run.

Now, she never promised us an Ironman Triathlon, but I will still be shocked to see her do it. I'm surprised she has even brought it up. She could have just ignored it and everyone would have forgotten until someone else brought up some stupid athletic promise.

"It's really tiring and like spending time with the babies... it's really challenging. But if I have to crawl across that finish line, I'm going to crawl across that finish line. It's for the kids. I keep telling myself that when I'm training, I'm like, 'This is for charity, your kids are going to know about this. Don't embarrass the family. Really get it done, Lopez'."

I don't think she has been training for it. Sure, she has probably got on the treadmill a few times, and maybe she has taken a spinning class or two, and even done a few laps in the hot tub while running away from Skeletor. The problem is, she never leaves her house and this whole triathlon thing takes place outside in real water and on real roads.

There is not a triathlon that takes place in indoor pools and on exercise equipment is there? Maybe the first annual Marc Anthony, "My Wife Did It" Triathlon, held in their Long Island Rec Room.

NY Post Blind Item

WHICH hunk in a summer movie is a violent, closeted homosexual? The heartthrob snuck into his ex's apartment a few months ago and raped him so violently, the ex ended up in the hospital - and the actor paid him $500,000 to keep his mouth shut .

WHICH oft-photographed socialite is being forced to get a job by her parents? She looks rich but is really broke, and is now looking for modeling gigs .

WHICH Mideast prince with a large posse is a bad tipper? The oil-soaked royal is leaving gratuities of just 10 percent in hot spots in St. Tropez.