Full Frontal Friday

Yeah, yeah, I know. But, you are still going to click.

Four For Friday

#1 - So what do you do if you are a C list actor from film and television with B+ name list recognition. You have been through several marriages, one of them extremely high profile, and have suffered through battles with drugs and alcohol and are apparently losing them again. Why, you go on sets and badger co-stars, former co-stars and others to buy Amway or whatever the hell they are calling themselves now. Our actor specializes in victimizing people with bit parts who don't want to upset him and possibly get fired so invariably buy things.

#2 & 3 - Some new information about one of the bigger breakups of the year. It was an A list actor and a wannabe. Apparently the A list actor found out that the wannabe had stopped taking birth control. He found this out when she told him she might be pregnant. Apparently he felt that her purposefully not taking the pill in order to get pregnant violated a rule and showed her the curb.

#4 - This A list actor who had some serious health and emotional issues last year, but was allegedly on the straight and narrow either doesn't care or had a huge slip over the weekend. At the same party that brought us two blinds from yesterday, our actor managed to consume almost an entire bottle of vodka all by himself. Sweet and very quiet was how the spy described him.

Random Photos Part One

I didn't look this good at 18. Andrew McCarthy is almost 46 and if you look this good at his age, you get the top spot. Last night I counted 36 separate rolls of fat and he looks like he could pose in GQ.
I didn't even know Claire Danes could smile. Hugh Dancy must be doing something right to get her to react like that.

A viewing of "Bones." Judging by the skeleton in the background, it appears the screening must be sponsored by People.
So, last week Mary Kate Olsen does the whole no pants thing and has set some sort of trend. If you are Blake Lively, do you really want to be following in the fashion footsteps of Mary Kate?
Don't think Brad Garrett has lost some weight? Check out the photo that fan has.
If this photo of Andrea Bocelli was taken in the US, it would freak me the hell out. But, it was taken in Australia so I can relax.
Ummm. Ellen. You need to bake the dough before they become cookies. Actually though, I don't have an oven in the basement, but I do have a Costco membership and have tubs of cookie dough that are really just as delicious, with none of that cleaning stuff after that you need to do with cooking.

Hey guess what? Dianne Wiest is also in the play with Katie Holmes.
I'm guessing that my Spanish Royals must have had all European royalty over to their house for some Twister and martinis or something because now the Danes have the whole synchronization thing going on.
Dana Delaney doing her best Velma impression while Josh Lucas doesn't even seem to mind.
Charlize Theron looks pretty damn good.

A man who knows how to exercise right. John Ventimiglia.

I think this might be the very first time Johnny Rotten has been in the photos. He is on set for a butter commercial in this photo. Yeah, I know. Times change.
So do you think Ashley Judd did the whole Ebony & Ivory necklace thing on purpose?
Jimmy Buffett - Wantagh, NY
"How many balls do you have?"
Would this be an inopportune time for Michael Phelps to yell, "shark?"

So, this weekend, I want everyone to get into a bathrobe and go to your favorite airport and try and pass through security.
When is the last time you saw Fran Drescher and Lynn Whitfield together? I bet most of you didn't even know if Lynn was alive did you?
Lykke Li - New York
Katy Perry - New York
Reese Witherspoon looks really good here. Really good.

Pay attention kids. If your goal is to grow up and be a reality star, you to can look forward to being paid $100 to open sushi restaurants.
You know what? I don't really like Jessica or Jennifer, but to see Rosario, Jennifer and Jessica all in one photo is still pretty cool.
Pussycat Dolls - New York
Just doing our monthly Michelle Williams check.
Now Will Arnett on 30 Rock I can handle. Good thing to since he is filming here for an episode of the show.

"Pssst. Victoria. Typically when you pray, the hands go up. I know you probably owe your career to the direction you are pointing, but still, it looks bad."
Sneaky Sound System - Sydney
I believe this is a first time appearance for Sam Rockwell in the photos.
And this is Sienna Miller actually coming OUT of a hair salon.

Your Turn

Here in the US, we have a holiday on Monday. This is basically the last gasp of summer and people will be hitting the roads to enjoy that last bit of freedom before the reality of school or work comes crashing back down on their heads. Lots of people will be doing so in a car, and I am remembering some really cool road trips I took in my first car. Of course it couldn't go far, because it went through a battery every three days, and was always leaking air in the tires. So, really the best road trips were when I "borrowed" the parents car.

Even though my car was a pile of junk, I remember it fondly. Never had sex in it though. Other people did. It was big, and cheaper than a hotel room.

So, for today, I would love to know what your first car was. Whether you got it at 16, or 60, it is something you remember. You can tell a road trip story or whether you christened the back seat, or just jammed ten people in the trunk so you could go to the drive in theatre on the cheap.

Daily Mirror Blind Item

Which supposedly clean celeb gets her pals to check up her nose for fairy dust before leaving her trailer to mix with her public?

No. Please Don't Let It Happen

I think I have made myself clear before about my love for 30 Rock. But, just to reiterate, I love the show. I love every part of it, and to follow along with that childhood taunt, yes I would marry it. I would marry 30 Rock. I don't care that Alec Baldwin is an ass of epic proportions in real life because, honestly, his assiness is what makes him so good for the show. The writing is great, the characters are great. And now they are going to ruin it. They are going to destroy it for one big publicity stunt, ratings week spectacular. They are going to put Jennifer Aniston on the show.

I don't care if it is for 15 seconds or 15 minutes, I do not want her to spoil that show. I already think it borders on the criminal that the producers of The Iron Giant have never taken my advice and found someone to replace her on that film. I consider that film to be one of the greatest animated films of all-time. It would probably be the greatest, but Jennifer Aniston is in it. Sure, after the first time you can mute her whenever she comes on the screen, because her character does nothing, much like the real Jennifer Aniston.

30 Rock doesn't need a ratings boost. Show people having sex or something if you need ratings. Tell Alec and Tracy they need to do a shower scene and show some ass. Anything. What you don't need is Jennifer Aniston and her publicity machine taking over the show. And you Tina Fey. Yes you. I want to hear your explanation and it better not involve anything that has the word great in it when it comes to Jennifer.

Tom Cruise Calls His Wife Katie

Liz Smith of the NY Post got to interview Tom Cruise recently. It was by phone, which dispelled my notion that he did all interviews using some kind of magical power that implanted into the brain of the interviewer all the answers to any potential questions. Now, Liz gets some congratulations for getting Tom to talk, but in order to do so, basically sold herself out and just lobbed softball after softball at him. So, courtesy of the NY Post, here is the interview with a few of my comments. Unlike Liz though, I don't need to kiss his ass.



'I LOVE Paula Wagner, but she wants to produce elsewhere and in her own venue, and I don't intend to stand in her way. I'll say this of her leaving United Artists - whatever Paula wants is what I want her to have! And I hope we'll continue working together on future projects."

Umm, Paula Wagner got canned. Sure they might call it leaving under her own terms or whatever, but lets face it, she got canned, and Tom must have known she was going to get canned and didn't do anything. For years and years and years she stood up for him and defended him when the entire world was against him. He didn't do anything. Yes, she was not the best choice for the role, but when you are putting out Tom Cruise flops, how willing would you be to greenlight them very quickly. That last line of his about working together on future projects is a big load of crap also. He isn't going to go near her, and he can always say that nothing has ever materialized while still trying to look good.

So spoke Tom Cruise on the phone with me this week. He added, cryptically: "I don't run United Artists; I just own it."

Well then you need to find someone to run it a little better or else you are just going to own a bunch of empty property.

IT'S ALWAYS fun to talk to Tom, who tells me that his now "controversial" film about the German resistance attempt to assassinate Adolf Hitler in World War II is coming out on Dec. 26. All those critics who have panned the project, "Valkyrie," in advance, should know that nothing can deter Tom from his belief in this story. He says, "It's original. It's suspenseful. The writers Chris McQuarrie and Nathan Alexander are just great, and I can't say enough good things about the director, Bryan Singer. I first met him at the 'Mission Impossible' premiere, and we've been hoping to work together ever since." (Singer is the man who did "X-Men" and "Superman Returns." He will direct the next "Superman" as well.)

I already talked about this quote earlier this week. The only thing I will add is that Liz gets to her knees kind of quickly here.

WHEN I asked Tom why he felt so many people in the business have gone after the Valkyrie" project as if it's a bad idea or something historically obscene, he sighed: "It just doesn't make sense to me either. The moment I read the screenplay I knew it was an important story, and as it's a true tale of heroic resistance to one of the great villains of history, I can't imagine that people won't want to see it."

I ASKED Tom if he will continue doing comedies on the heels of his "character" impersonation as a fat, horrid studio executive in Ben Stiller's "Tropic Thunder"? He laughed, "Well, I'm always looking for something new, and Ben's movie is hilarious. He and I are old friends, and he is a really good director, so originally I said I'd do it just for friendship. But it turned out great. I actually love comedy, and I did it in 'Risky Business,' so I'll do more if it presents itself. I'm also always looking for a good love story, and I think I have one in a coming international thriller called 'The Tourist.' I believe I will be doing that."

First of all I don't think of Risky Business as a comedy, but whatever. So, that was 25 years ago, and he says he loves comedy. Well actually now that I think about he has been in a lot more comedies than he gives himself credit for. When I saw him playing an Irish guy in Far and Away I nearly cried from laughing so hard. Oooh, and I always thought Days Of Thunder was a comedy. Either that or some really bad acting. But, to show that I am fair and impartial, or pretending to be, he was in Austin Powers with the cameo and it was pretty funny to see him there.

I told Tom I was looking forward to his wife's debut on Broadway in the revival of Arthur Miller's "All My Sons." He said, "Things are going really well for Katie, and we'll see you on opening night, Sept. 18th."

He called her Katie. He did he did, he really , really did. Going to need to get audited for that slip up. Nice of him to plug her opening date.

I congratulated moviedom's big star on his little baby girl. He began to burble: "Oh, yes, she's so charming; she's so beautiful; she's just great!" (That was Daddy talking, not the formidable icon who has made billions of dollars for Hollywood since 1983.)

Moviedom's big star? Guess Tom was having a little trouble keeping it up or something. Is that burble or burp. Goodness she is trying hard here to get that nose deeper.

AND THE Fox News Channel's "Lips & Ears" gossip show should be interested to hear that Tom Cruise watches it. I told Tom I'd done an on-air bit last week about "Valkyrie," asking why it can't be accepted in the same way World War II movies by Tom Hanks, Clint Eastwood and Francis Ford Coppola are viewed.

Tom said, "Yes, I'm aware of what you said on air. I saw it, and I appreciate it." So, "Lips & Ears," you are being heard.

What he saw was a clip some SeaOrg person gave him because he probably gets everything that mentions his name to see if he can sue them, or in case someone actually says something nice about him. Oh, and the reason they are treating his movie differently is because it sucks.

Rumer Willis Got Another Job

Only with Rumer Willis would these kinds of roles make news. Rumer is going to be in an episode of Army Wives over on Lifetime. She is going to play the wife of a soldier injured in Iraq. To all the other actors and actresses in the world, these kinds of roles are used as building blocks to bigger things and also as a paycheck so they can afford rent.

Now, I didn't see House Bunny so I don't know if Rumer is any good in it at all. Maybe she is. Maybe she leaves so stunned at her talent that you walk out of the movies in a daze. If so, then I admire her for doing what every other actor does and using these small bit parts to learn her craft. If, on the other hand she sucked balls in House Bunny and has no hope of ever amounting to anything other than a familial oddity, then it kind of ticks me off that she is taking these smaller roles for herself and depriving someone else of a paycheck. She doesn't need the money and if she knows she sucks, then she shouldn't let producers offer her roles simply for the publicity she will bring, while depriving someone else who is good, but doesn't have famous parents.

As for the acting gene. You know, Bruce Willis is a star, but he only has one character. One. Demi Moore. She is a little more versatile but I don't think any of us would say she is one of the best actresses of this generation. Anyway, I know lots and lots of you watch Army Wives, and Rumer's episode is supposed to air on October 12th.

No Breast Feeding For Jessica Alba

Apparently Jessica Alba has decided she couldn't be bothered with breast feeding. Normally I wouldn't care about writing about it, but didn't she make a big deal while she was pregnant about how she was going to spend time with the baby and was looking forward to breast feeding and that her career was going to come second, and blah, blah, blah. Well I guess that promise lasted just as long as it took for the ink to dry in whatever magazine it was printed in.

Since giving birth, the actress has done her very best to lose as much weight as possible, as quickly as possible to get back to work. She has also been enjoying getting her drink on. Most recently at the DNC in Denver she enjoyed the special Svedka martini so much that she had several. I guess someone at the convention was just as concerned as I am about a breast feeding mom getting hammered on vodka martinis, but according to my spy, Jessica was said to have muttered something like, "breast feeding just isn't my thing."

Hey, it isn't for a lot of women, and I don't have a problem with that. I do have a problem though when you make yourself out to be some kind of saint and that you are telling everyone while you are pregnant how it is the right thing to do and she can't wait to do it, and it's part of being a mother. Then, right after the birth, you leave the hospital, collect your baby picture check from the tabloids, drop off the kid with a nanny and then head off drinking and getting back on with your life.

A Pregnancy Test Might Be A Good Idea

I have never heard of Virginia Couperie but she is the latest woman who has probably been impregnated by Salma Hayek's ex boyfriend Francois-Henri Pinault. Virginia is a French equestrian, so forgive me if I am not up to date on who they all are. I know it is shameful and you expect me to know everyone in the world, but unfortunately it just isn't possible. I do try though.

Apparently the happy couple were photographed on Francois' yacht, swimming, getting naked and then going on shore to eat dinner. I am presuming the pair did manage to put clothes on before dinner, but with Francois you just never know. His baby makers seem to be ready to go off at all times so he may have just decided to keep everyone naked for the sake of expediency. He is a billionaire after all. Time is money and all that.

I wonder if the guy just keeps a stash of pregnancy tests wherever he goes, and has the instructions enlarged and framed and placed in every bathroom he owns. I will give him credit for one thing. He waits until after the woman gives birth before he dumps them. OK, not so much credit. At this point, I'm wondering why any woman would be with him, and then I remember the whole billionaire thing.

David Duchovny Enjoys Sex

Actually I guess the headline is wrong, because a true sex addict wouldn't really enjoy the sex act because he would always be thinking about the next time and the next time. Michael Douglas found the key to dealing with sex addiction is finding someone 30 years younger than you who will literally maim him and then kill him if he cheats. You think it is the money in the pre-nup? Hell no. If he wanted he could make that in a year or two of working. It is Catherine Zeta Jones and what she has said to him, or the way she cuts carrots. All I know is that Michael has been meek and in a corner since she came into his life.

Eric Benet? Please. He probably is still screwing everything he can find. I'm not sure he is actually an addict. I think he might just be a dog. There is a difference. Take for an example, someone who has not admitted to being a sex addict, like Peter Cook. I mean come on. $40,000 a year on porn is a sex addict. He may not have called himself one, but it's what he is. Sex addiction was not as prevalent before the internet. There were just as many, but it was much harder to "use." The internet is like crack to sex addicts.

A sex addict goes through a 12 step program just like AA, and so even though it is sex, and I think a lot of married guys, use it as an excuse when busted, I have to give David Duchovny the benefit of the doubt. That being said, I wouldn't make fun of him if he went in for drug addiction and I won't make fun of him just because his addiction is sex. Now, not making light of his situation does not preclude me from revealing some blind items he was in which deal with his sex issues. I just need to read through them first because some involve other people as well.

First And Last Date

Carrie Underwood has been taking a lot of crap lately and deservedly so. I mean come on, she has got to be one of the most self absorbed, narcissistic people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. She loves herself so much that she cries when she has to go to sleep.

So, if you are Carrie and you take this crap, what do you do? You scream and yell at your manager, agent, publicists and Simon Cowell and tell them to get Michael Phelps' phone number. I mean why not right? Most famous man in the world right now. Then you start texting Michael and leading him on and saying that they should hook up in Nashville when he gets done doing what he is doing. When he agrees, then one of Carrie's people lets the National Enquirer know, who then report it breathlessly.

Please. This is just another put up job in a long line of put up jobs. I think the actual genre kind of jumped the shark at the Lisa Marie/Michael Jackson thing, and it has been moving fairly steadily downhill since. Actually, now that I think a moment, it is a put up job in the sense that Carrie knows it is fake, but Michael might think it is real. So, she is going to have to fake it for awhile. Not that she has a problem doing that.

Let me go out on a limb here. Michael Phelps will find some hottie to date but it will not be Carrie Underwood. Oh, sure she will hang out with him for a bit because she is a fame whore and will stick to him while he is in the spotlight. By about Christmas or when she exhausts all the magazine covers it will be bye bye Michael and back to loving herself to the point where I think she probably has had sex with her mirror.

Ted C Blind Item

Quite surprisingly, life is unfortunately ugly right now for Ooma Offspring, talent-less terror 'bout town. See, certain Biz dealings can be a tough swallow for the mucho rich, wannabe actress, not that you'd even know it.

O2 is very much the black sheep of her quasi-famous clan, as she's not exactly as gifted as the rest of her fam members, certainly not as fetching. Celebrated life is cruel! And sometimes poor Double O has to bullishly bear the brunt of nasty-ass jokes, but the latest one is happening behind the scenes and behind 'Ma's back (until now of course).

O.O. has been gearing up to go on a publicity tour for her latest pro endeavor, which is coming out soon, so like any "star" on a project, the corporation usually fronts the green for its talent's hair and makeup.

Natch, Ooma's peeps have been insisting on the best of the best in necessary beautifying professionals, and the suits are very reluctant to dish out the moola required. In their opinion, Offspring's not worth the makeover dough because she's just too unfortunate looking, and no Ken Paves is going to change that (highly biased, admittedly) fact.

So sad, 'cause members of O's equally famous extended fam are all devastatingly gorge with solid acting careers to match. What's a wannabe to do? (Pay for it yourself, sister, like, hello?)

Today's Blind Items

#1 - Like father, like daughter? Despite being a couple of years underage for drinking, this B- list actress from a top rated network drama kept downing shot after shot after shot after shot at a party this weekend.

#2 - At the same party, these two related celebutantes shared a few joints with their bad girl hero. Of course the bad girl hero is now about 15 years removed from her height of fame, but hey, she has another chance again starting next week. I'm trying to think if the trio have slept with any of the same people.

Random Photos Part One

I think that it kind of goes without saying that if you get Ellen Burstyn and Susan Sarandon in the same photo, there is some kind of imperative to make sure they get the top spot.
Dredg - Aschaffenburg, Germany

Hey, the photo made me smile, and apparently Brendan Fraser made Luke Ford smile as well.
Wow. I don't think it is Alexis' good looks that are getting the guys, so I hope he didn't get that peen chopped off.
Ashanti - Los Angeles
There just seems like there is something off about Annette Bening. Love her, but something seems different.
Speaking of different, Jennifer Lopez goes for the Beyonce look.

I think this is one of the first pap photos of Jonah Hill I have seen.
You know. I told myself I was not going to post any more photos of Heidi and Spencer, but come on. How can you pass up this shot which you know they planned in advance.
George Daniels - Chicago
Venice in late summer is incredible. Throw in Eva Herzigova and it just gets that much better.
I have come to the conclusion, that while Michael Jackson is in face a pervert, I don't think he is as crazy as people think. I mean I think he acts that way so he can go shopping in a tuxedo jacket and pajamas. Wouldn't we all like to do that? With him it is normal.

Maria Conchita Alonso is the one who should be ashamed. Maybe she is going to act out Gladiator at home later or something.
Lee England Jr. - Chicago
Jesse Spencer in his first appearance to the photos. I think.
Jaclyn Smith at the Shear Genius party celebrating the winner. Notice I didn't say the winner just in case you are going to try and watch the whole season on TiVo or something.

Do you think Nina Garcia signs all her letters and checks and autographs with an "N" like that?

Just because I like typing in the name Nas. Sure, I type in nasty, but never got to type in Nas.
The gratuitous Olympians of the day today belong to Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh.
Where else are you going to see Matthew Modine and Angela Bassett?
Mario Lopez and his friends out and about looking for homeless people to torture.
Whether you see Rashida Jones after being away for two days or two weeks, this is the reaction you get.

Didn't realize that Rihanna was 8 feet tall. Guess she won't be marrying Tom Cruise.
This is the best I have seen Rebecca Gayheart look in a very long time.
"I f**ked the entire crew and all they gave me was this hat."
I think it has been like two weeks without Neil Patrick Harris in the photos. That is much too long.
It has also been forever since I had Stacy Keibler in here. Of course it has also been forever since she had a career, so I think we are even.

If I only have to see Star Jones every few months I can handle it. If I had to actually live with her or something, I would probably die.
Because of the delicate condition of Samaire Armstrong, and because I am happy to see her, I will at this time refrain from commenting on what she is wearing.
Hey Rachael. I heard Oprah gets pretty pissed when you say that to her.
Rachel Leigh Cook and Alan Cumming. I wonder how many orgasm jokes he hears a day?
It's a Zooey.

And this is why Whitney Cummings doesn't get to walk very many red carpets.
Over or Under. Valentino's shoes $5000.
Interesting choice here. Anne Hathaway and Tim Daly. Apparently they got along very well.
Because he let her borrow his pants.

Guess He Doesn't Like Fake Breasts

Some guy from Ventura County California has crashed his car into the locked gates of the Playboy Mansion twice in the past week. He was arrested and released last week, and this week fled before police got there. No one knows why he has been doing it, but I have my theories. See, this is a guy who has been a long time subscriber, and like Santa Claus he thought all the breasts he had enjoyed over the past twenty years were real. When someone told him they were fake, he went ballistic.

Or, maybe he is trying to get to Holly Madison to tell her to stop wasting her time. Another possibility is that lesbian AC/DC cover band needs a new lead singer and so he was trying to get Kendra.

A final possibility could be that he just likes to test out the bumpers on his truck and picks a new gate to crash into each week.

MacKenzie Phillips And Diddy Have Something In Common

I know you think that I am going to write something about Diddy and MacKenzie Phillips both smuggling drugs onto a plane or something, but that's not it. Actually I just wanted to write another MacKenize Phillips story because I like writing about people that I don't have to write about continually. MacKenzie is like a breath of fresh air. Well, as fresh as the breath can be of someone who allegedly does heroin. Bad breath. Whoo. You don't know bad breath until you smell the breath of someone who injects heroin all day long.

Anyway, from the photo above which was obtained by TMZ it looks like MacKenize was flying First Class, just like Diddy. Kind of a lame connection huh? Now you know the disappointment people must feel when they read every tabloid headline and then read the article. Except for The Enquirer. They are on my good side right now, and so I'm willing to kiss a little ass. I mean they offered to buy me lunch. Anyone who has seen me and seen what I can do to a restaurant will then appreciate how much that offer means to me. But, then again, it is The Enquirer which means I haven't said yes. The offer is nice though Philip, so thanks. Make it dinner at CUT with all the food and drink I can handle, and maybe it would be a yes. Not that CUT is the best steak in town. It isn't. It just happens to be the most ridiculously overpriced steak in town and tastes pretty good.

Anyway, according to TMZ, in addition to the drugs allegedly found on her body, the cops also found 32 syringes. That was going to be one hell of a busy flight for her. 32 syringes? You would think that after awhile she would get tired of walking back and forth to the bathroom and would just ask whoever is sitting next to her in First Class to help her tie off her arm while she finds a vein. I hope she had a wheelchair waiting on the other end.

Honestly though they were probably for when she got to where she was going. If it is all hers, this is a woman who has been a junkie for a long time and comes prepared for new cities where you don't know where to buy drugs. That withdrawal period kicks in and you are going to be deathly ill. Bring your own with you and it gives you the time to find a connection before getting the "flu."

Maybe The 25 Attendants Can Visit Him At Burger King

When American Idol Ruben Studdard got married last month, it seemed that almost all of the people at the wedding, were in the wedding. I'm too lazy to go back and check, but Ruben and his now wife spent some bucks on this wedding. The US Government probably would have liked Ruben to spend the money on something else like the $200,000 in back taxes he owes the government which dates back to 2003. At the rate that interests and penalties add up with the government that $200,000 could be a million really quickly.

The situation has got so bad that the singer has also been stiffing the local tax entities. As such, all of his properties now have liens on them from the various federal, state, and local governments. But hey, everyone at the party got their very own cake, and a personalized Clay Aiken bobblehead doll so that's nice.

I'm thinking that maybe Ruben needs to either get back out on the road and try and earn some money or get a job at Burger King or something, because the tax man does not go quietly. In fact they come in loud and noisy and will sell off all that property and the next thing you know, Ruben and the wife are living at her parent's place and Ruben is waiting in line to use the bathroom.

Because It Sucks

Tom Cruise doesn't understand why people are being critical of the film Valkyrie. "It (the criticism) just doesn't make sense to me. The moment I read the screenplay I knew it was an important story, and as it's a true tale of heroic resistance to one of the great villains of history, I can't imagine that people won't want to see it."

Hey, just because it is an important story doesn't mean that people will want to see it. I think people don't want to see it because it sucks balls, not because the story isn't any good. Maybe the don't buy you as Nazi. I know, I know. If anyone can pull it off you can. Hell, all you had to do was go into your little time machine thingy and go back and talk to some real Nazis. Another strong possibility is they don't really like you very much Tom. I know, I know. Again, it seems odd considering all the good will your spread to the people of the world and how we are either with you or against you.

You did bring Eddie Izzard into the film which is cool so I will definitely have someone chop it up for me so I can see his scenes. I don't think he is in enough stuff. I know you used to be the thing, but those days are long gone. Your movies cost way too much and with the exception of the Mission Impossible series, and War Of The Worlds, it has been a long time since you had a hit film. You don't get to count Tropic Thunder for your column. When I think of Tom Cruise films I think of epic disasters that had a whole lot of hype, and were just awful. I bet if I went back and looked at your quotes about Lion for Lambs you would have said the same thing. Did real well didn't it?

You Just Know It's Haunted

Want to live in the apartment where Heath Ledger died? You can. If you have $26,000 a month you can rent the 3 bedroom 2.5 bathroom apartment where Heath Ledger died. For the privilege of living where he died, you will be paying $4000 a month more than he did. Hell, it does come with a wood burning fireplace so that extra $4000 is probably worth it.

Look, I know apartments are tight in New York and I'm sure someone will rent it really quickly, but it wouldn't be me. If I had $26,000 a month, I think I would find a different place to rent. Sure, people would want to come over and have a morbid curiosity, but they are not the ones who have to spend the night there. I don't know if Heath would haunt the place, but from what I understand, don't people who have been murdered or killed themselves or died under unusual circumstances in their homes come back to those homes? I mean it isn't like they would decide to hang out at a Motel 6 on the side of an interstate. I mean if ghosts could haunt wherever they wanted don't you think the women would go to Daniel Craig's house and the guys would go hang out with their favorite porn star.

And, just for the sake of argument, lets say the apartment wasn't haunted, don't you think that every night when you were trying to sleep, that you would be listening for that kind of thing. Every bump, or groan or strange sound is going to cause you to jump up and turn on the lights. You will talk yourself into it being haunted. Images of The Dark Knight will run through your head constantly because you know every friend who comes over is going to want to watch the film right there. They aren't going to watch something light and fluffy like A Knight's Tale. Nope, they are going to want full on intensity, while you just curl up in a corner in the fetal position and mumble "don't kill me Mary-Kate." (Satire people. Satire)

I Don't Understand

Since I know all of you are big readers, you no doubt have seen what happened in Houston Texas yesterday when Hilary Duff's mother and father were in court yesterday. In case you didn't hear what happened, here is a rundown. Hilary's mom wanted $25,000 from dad to spend on Hilary's 21st birthday. She was also there to complain that the $10,000 a month she gets from Hilary's dad isn't even enough to cover her basic bills and so Hilary has to give her money each month. She also thinks Bob is hiding money.

Hey, I think Bob is hiding money, and the court even sent him to jail for ten days because he was selling things without asking permission of the court first. My guess is that he is running out of money and wants to keep as much as he can for himself and his girlfriend, and away from his ex-wife.

Apparently the judge thought $25,000 for a party to be spent on a daughter who is a multi-millionaire was a bit much and so just ordered the dad to pay half. So now, Hilary's mom said she won't be able to use the 24k gold napkins and will instead have to use Bounty paper towels and get an ice cream cake from Carvel. Yeah, because $12,500 just isn't enough for a birthday party. $25,000 is what the family spent on Haylie's birthday party, and so the mom wanted to be able to spend the same amount on Hilary's party. I see her reasoning, and appreciate her wanting to treat them equally, but that isn't what is going to happen. You think mom is really going to spend that much on Hilary? Hell no. Mom is going to go buy a card, and keep the rest. This is a mom who borrows money from her daughter every month so she can live like a millionaire. I guarantee you that when she gets cash in her pocket, it stays in her pocket. This is a woman who invested everything she had into a Hilary Duff film and was surprised when it tanked. Oh, what film you ask? Material Girls. Yeah, that's what I thought.

I don't have a lot of sympathy for either side in this case. Mom sounds like a money grubbing leech and dad sounds like a jerk. From a question that was asked in court and then withdrawn, it also appears Hilary and her dad do not like each other. In fact, they may hate each other. Haylie on the other hand, appears to be the apple of Daddy's eye. Interesting. Interesting.

I really want this whole thing to be over because Hilary's dad has promised that he has lots and lots to share, but the judge has ordered him not to speak to the press.

Daily Mirror Blind Item

Which 70s pin-up got himself into a rather sticky situation during a recent amorous encounter when his partner forgot to remove her chewing gum...

Today's Blind Items

This one was a shocker. This A list country singer who is really outspoken and appears to be morally on the straight and narrow, has some business interests he probably hopes his fans never hear about it. Turns out that he owns about a 30% interest in a group of brothels in Amsterdam as well as in Bangkok. According to person who told me about it, the singer sees nothing wrong with it because they are legal in those countries and he says it is much better than getting free drinks at some club you own. Nice.

Random Photos Part One

I mean why the hell not. Everyone else is showing Brad Pitt and George Clooney, so might as well join the party.
And another of them checking out Tilda Swinton. You can tell she knows they are checking her out.
Don't worry. Your kids are safe. This is as close as the photographer dared to get to Annabelle Gutman.
At this point, Paula Abdul must just have the liquor injected directly into her veins. She has got to be wondering what she can do or who. Notice the new judge copping a feel of Paula too. Nice.
Chris Daughtry - Denver

The Coen brothers because, well they are the Coen brothers. Everyone shows Brad and George, but not the Coen brothers.
Ariana and Charlie. Sounds like a talk show.
Brody Jenner on his 25 birthday sponsored by LG. Can't wait until celebrities have their funerals sponsored by companies.
Bryan Clay is our gratuitous Olympian of the day.
On the set of Entourage.

Eva Mendes in Australia. Enjoy her while you can. We want her back. However next time Paris goes over you can keep her.
David Banner - New York
I just have this pet peeve about dresses that could double as tablecloths or curtains. Yes, it is Claudia Schiffer, and yes she is gorgeous, but I feel like there should be a set of china on her dress.
Honestly, how would you like to be Carey Hart right now and have Pink slamming you everyday on the radio with her song?

Does anyone not like Jenny McCarthy at this point?

"No honey. I promise. Go ahead and wear it. No, you don't look trashy at all."
Eva Mendes and Jamie Lynn Sigler on the same day. This calls for a drink. Hello Jose.
I still am unsure about the US version of Life On Mars, but Harvey Keitel in it makes me breathe a little easier.
The only days that Gabriel Garko doesn't get laid are the days he stays at home. Seriously. Just give me one day like that.

Yeah, I know. But honestly there are lots and lots of Hills fans on here and so they like to stalk from photos.

Today is a great day. Laura Bennett and Tim Gunn and Eva Mendes and Jamie Lynn. Damn, might have to move up the tequila scale today.
Katie in the morning before the drugs wear off.
Either that or this is a different person from the morning. They just are two different personalities.
The obnoxiously gorgeous couple of the day award goes to Jake Wall and Jennifer Hawkins. You know what Hawkins I miss? Sophie B. Hawkins. I love her.

Even the way Miley Cyrus holds her dad's hand creeps me out.

I guess Bradley Walsh, who is the guy on the right, didn't move that little stick well enough because he got voted off the show.
Lindsay Price. Hasn't she been a blind item or something?
No shit. She did it again. This is Lola Ponce and if you will remember, yesterday she wore a gold Michael Jackson glove. Apparently she is doing the glove Olympics because today is silver.
Luis Fonsi - Miami

Ryan Seacrest really needs to stop getting wasted before work.

And during work.
In case you were wondering what happened to Rebecca Loos. She got into a fight with a Van Gogh painting and lost.
MacKenzie Phillips tried to board a plane with heroin and coke. Allegedly. It could have just been white powder. Wow, I would not have been wanting to sit next to her if she had got them on. She would have been going to town on those tray tables.
Ben Affleck on the other hand, just gets his shoes taken.
Last week we had Isla and the baby. Today Sacha Baron Cohen.

Just because I think this is Clown Day in the US.
Haven't set congratulations to Vin Diesel and the baby. So, congrats.
Yeah, yeah. Because I know one was not enough.
And because George Clooney looks like an ad from a Sears catalog, circa 1978.

A Threesome For Kirsten Dunst

It seems as if a tug of war has developed between the US and the UK. No, it isn't anything serious, but rather a fight between the tabloids as to who Kirsten Dunst is f**king. As you know, here in the US, no one can even breathe because they are so excited at the possibility of Kirsten f**king Justin Long. I mean people are losing sleep planning her shower and wedding in their minds and how she will finally wear clothes that have been washed.

Meanwhile, over in the UK, they have Kirsten f**king Andrew Vanwyngarden who is in the band MGMT, and who used to have a girlfriend who f**ked Kirsten's ex boyfriend Johnny Borrell. All sounds like one big pile of STD's if you ask me. One big, messy, bacteria infested love circle. But, no matter, their life, their private parts.

So, as it stands, I don't really care who Kirsten is with. I find it interesting that anyone really is that hot for her. She's skinny, doesn't shower much and seems to always have a very confused look about her. Kind of like the female Keanu Reeves. See, now they would make a great couple. They could go for weeks without showering or saying a word. Drink quietly together in the dark while watching Bill & Ted.

DMX Has Way With Words

I once had a client who got arrested four times over a two week period. He was trying to raise money and so was taking a few more chances than he normally would. As a result, got busted a bunch. I thought his record would stand, but honestly, DMX has been arrested so many times over the past few months and has been to so many hearings, arraignments, courthouses and jails, that I don't know where he is at half the time. Oh, I know he is in jail, but there are so many to choose from at this point, that it is tough to decide. This is a guy who had everything going for him. Music, films, everything. Now, it is all going to slowly slip through his fingers like water. Between attorney fees, lawsuits, and no time to make any money, he is going to be just another guy we will remember.

I will say this about DMX though, he certainly has a way with words when it comes to judges. Apparently he decided that courtrooms were a great place to drop a F-bomb. Lucky for all of us, it was filmed.

Diddy Needs To Stop Drinking So Much Coffee

You know that even if I dislike someone immensely, if they do something interesting or funny or amusing, or really just about anything if it is a slow day, I can be nice to them. I'm a nice guy. So, Sean Combs, aka, The HeyDiddleDiddle, posted a pretty funny video on YouTube about how even he hates high gas prices. Now, his definition of hurting the pocketbook is different than ours. In the video he talks about how it costs him about $200,000 to fly two round trips between NY and LA on his private jet, and so for now he is going to fly commercial. Specifically American Airlines which, knowing them has probably already dropped to its knees and opened wide at the chance for serving The Diddinator. For Oprah they just usually bend over, so this is different for them.

Anyway, you know it must be killing Diddy inside to have his jet just sitting on the ground at some airport. No more, "let's go for a ride Sienna in my jet." "Now, it's hey Cassie, make sure you get me a Cinnabon on the way back from the bathroom."

I love Cinnabon. They are like the crack of pastry.

In the video, Doody, wants us to feel sorry for him that he is having to go to the airport and see regular people and fly next to someone else in an airplane, and eat really bad food. It kind of comes out sounding hollow and untrue, much like the rest of his life. In addition to the superficiality of his life, you also have to endure what appears to be about a 50 cup of coffee a day habit from Diddily Piddily because the camera just will not stop shaking. Blair Witch was shot on a tripod compared to this. Anyway, with all that being said, it is 2 minutes of your day. What the hell else are you going to do today? Work. Haha (voice of Nelson from The Simpsons)

This Is A Tell-All Book

I don't care if you like rap or hip-hop or not, I know you love gossip and dirt and juice and great stories and really that is what a tell-all should do for you. You should be saying, "seriously?" all the way through the damn book.

Faith Evans's book just came out and it is incredible. Now, for those of you who don't know who Faith used to be married to B.I.G. and in her book she tells about all the time she caught him cheating and how she would track down each girl he cheated with and kick their ass. Not yell, but kick their ass. Man, you have to love that. What is even better though is her describing the beat down she gave Lil Kim for doing the same thing.

"I got to Big's bedroom door, turned the knob, and went inside. As soon as I saw a small lump next to Big's large frame, I flew into a rage, ran over to the side of the bed, and pulled back the covers. I grabbed some chick out of the bed and started beating her ass.

"I stopped throwing punches for a minute to get a good look at the chick I was beating up. It was Lil' Kim. She was completely butt-naked, yelling as I pushed her around the room."

"I have to say I actually felt some pity for Kim. Big had a wife, and she settled for messing with him. Kim still settled for being the other woman. It seemed pretty sad to settle for that."

Now, the flip side of that is course that Faith stayed with B.I.G. even though he repeatedly cheated on her, flaunted it, and never stopped. So, as much as she trashes Lil Kim which I thoroughly enjoyed, I think she needs to wonder whether she was much better in the situation by enabling it all to occur.

Maybe The Crack Pipe Should Have Been A Tip Off

It's been awhile since I wrote a post about Kate Moss. I remember back in the day when she was dating Pete Doherty, it seemed like there was a post or a photo once a day. Amazing what a break up can do for a drop in interest from the public. Anyway, Kate gave an interview to Interview Magazine. Cute how that works. Kate was droning on and on about how she has dated the most awful men and that men can't be trusted.

"They're c***s! Absolute b******s. Men are not to be trusted."

The ** are not mine, but I think the first word is a male rooster, and the second are all of Brangelina's kids. Well, technically it is true. I'm not the one who invented the dictionary. Now, as a guy, I would take some offense to her blanket statement that all men are as she described. I would say it comes down to the guy you are dating. Lets see. She dated Johnny Depp at his drinking and drug using peak, when a hotel room trashing was par for the course and part of the daily agenda. We all seem to forget what Johnny Depp used to be like before he found fatherhood, Vanessa, and France.

Oh, then she dated Pete Doherty. I'm going out on a limb here and say that perhaps heavy, habitual drug users are not necessarily the most trustworthy of boyfriends. You know, pilfering your purse for cash, selling the plasma television, hanging out with your daughter in her room, whatever. Yes, the men she dated were roosters and illegitimate children. However, I think this says more about her choice of men and her need to repeatedly search out the guys who will treat her badly. At some point you need to get off the bad boy express, and get on the local train. If you don't, then you will continue to make the same mistakes, and I will continue to have to watch you turn into some horrible shell of a woman who used to be a model.

Take Note Of The Day And Time - I'm On Michael Lohan's Side

My original plan today was to talk about the idiocy of Erin Muller, who is now affianced to Michael Lohan. I know, I know, someone is actually going to marry the guy. He popped the questions just as soon as the box from QVC came in the mail. Free shipping.

Anyway, when Michael was doing all the press about his engagement, and when I say all the press, I mean he was making calls, and then some guys came over from the school paper. Anyway, while he was doing press, the story came out that Samantha Ronson has a book deal. The same Samantha Ronson who no one had heard of outside of LA prior to her sleeping with Lindsay Lohan.

What is the book going to be about? Her life with Lindsay of course. What she and Lindsay do from morning until bed. So, basically she is going to be making money off of her relationship with Lindsay. There is not going to be anything in the book other than some talk about her siblings. Michael is pissed. He thinks Lindsay is being exploited and I agree.

Yes, I think we can all agree that Samantha has kept Lindsay in one piece. Maybe as a reward Lindsay is going to let her write all this stuff about her. No one would buy a book only about Samantha Ronson. Of course she needs something to make people want to buy it, and right now all she has to offer is Lindsay. Maybe she will out Lindsay in the book, or maybe she will say that Lindsay sleeps on the couch alone surrounded by empty boxes of wine.

I don't know, but it does seem highly suspicious that she is writing the book about Lindsay and making money off it. I think we all had this vision of Samantha as some kind of savior of Lindsay. What I think she is doing is planning for the inevitable breakup by having a book deal in place, ready to go, and will just be able to come right out with a book after they break up. Of course it could just be a book about hats and the women who wear them.

Daily Mirror Blind Item

Which football star is a favourite in the dressing room for supplying his team mates with Viagra?

Today's Blind Items

It's been awhile since I went juicy on all of you, so figure now is the time. How juicy? Pretty damn juicy. How about in the past few days this B- list television actor with the horrible reputation and famous name, spent three hours at the apartment of an extra from his television show. How does anyone know? Well she has two roommates who were home at the time that the moaning and groaning was going on. Apparently the people in this town are even crazier than I ever imagined.

Random Photos Part One

Why the hell not start with Martha Stewart. Sure she can be cranky, but I can relate to that. Haven't you ever wanted to just go hang out with her for a day? I think it would be pretty cool. Plus, I could use some help with my crafting skills. I'm not good for much except, making beer cap necklaces.
Aerosmith - Boston
Since she was so popular last time I put her on here, I figured what the hell, might as well put Adriana Lima back up again.
Carmen Electra does something we all wish we could do. Smack Vanessa Lemonjello.

You will notice that despite the blood and emergency room and the near death experience she suffered to her toe, Kim Kardashian still managed to squeeze it into a pair of heels two sizes to small for her.
Brad and the boys.
So how exactly did Beyonce earn those pilot wings? Hmmm?
I don't think I have ever had a photo of Blair Brown on the site. Damn shame if you ask me.
James Hetfield certainly drew a crowd in Berlin.

Janice Dickinson and her son. Man, I want to hear those stories.
George Michael - London
Earth Wind & Fire go to the US Open.
Dave Stewart - Las Vegas

Maria Sharapova is ok looking, but the way people act as if she is the best looking thing since free Krispy Kremes really puzzles me.

You know, I had an entire spiel here all planned, but basically it came down to whether or not with all thing 80's returning (I have my parachute pants all ready to go) if Michael Jackson gloves would also be returning. Apparently the answer is yes, and in colors to match your clothes.
Macy Gray and her son.
Apparently Marcia Cross has a d**k.
This is the first time in a really long time that I haven't seen Joshua Jackson's girlfriend hanging on to him like she was drowning in a pool.

Snoop Dogg - Las Vegas

Stray Cats - Amsterdam
"I thought the tennis players did such a good job grunting. They have such a bright future and they looked amazing."
Room number or how many guys she has slept with?
A first time appearance for Mark Valley.
"Daddy make the noise stop."

"Xenu won't be quiet daddy."
A line of bikinis from Tara Reid. Tops, bottoms and really bad plastic surgery optional.
Tracy Morgan teaches us, that even when no one else loves you, you can always hug yourself. Oh, and lotion is your friend.
I know it is a trick of the camera, but it does appear that Shawn Johnson is actually shorter than the car.

This Is Funny

I'm not usually much for posting trailers and things because there are other sites that do it much better. This one though will make you laugh a little and so it is worth the two minutes. It is the trailer to Babylon A.D.

Do We Really Need To Know Everything?

Hey, guess what? Courteney Cox got into a car accident over the weekend in Hawaii. Some guy was driving a truck and was backing up, and they hit each other. No one hurt, no one ticketed, no one drunk, and no one getting serviced in a front seat. So, why the fuss? Why is this story in newspapers literally all over the world? Are we that starved for celebrity news that we care if a celebrity got into an accident while going 5 miles an hour in a parking lot. There are probably several hundred thousand accidents each day throughout the world, and the only ones that consistently make the news are celebrity ones. Why?

Yes, the Shia LaBeouf one was a news story. I mean he was with the girlfriend of another guy, allegedly drunk, eating pizza, and almost got a finger amputated. That's a story.

Amanda Bynes over the weekend in Hollywood gets into an accident. No one hurt, no one drunk, no one being serviced, and I think Amanda might have got a ticket. Who cares? I have seen the Amanda Bynes story literally all over the world like the lives of people will end because she had an accident. Her message board has thousands of posts about the accident and whether she is really ok. What I wanted to know was did the airbag go off, and if so did it pop her saline implant? Is that possible by the way? Anyone? Will an airbag do it?

I think we as celebrity watchers need to concentrate our attention on stories that matter like whether John Travolta always wears long dresses when he dresses as a woman or if he will occasionally go with a skirt and blouse?

Daily Mirror Blind Item Part 2

Which Premiership footballer is dating a woman 15 years his senior... behind his young wife's back?

What Do You Think?

So, earlier this week it looked as if Snoop Dogg would get to join Ice Cube in a concert tour of Australia. Now, though the gin and juice might need to be put on hold as several victim's groups have complained about Snoop visiting the country. Snoop had been barred from visiting the country because of drugs, weapons, murder charges and whatever else Snoop likes to do on weekends. But, after wearing the government down for years, they caved and Snoop got his visa.

Now they want to take it back. Australia is not alone in this. If you want to play in Japan, you better not even have one pot arrest on your record or you are not going to get a visa. The US? Think Amy Winehouse will be back here anytime soon? Lily Allen got here, but not to work. At least not to work that anyone knew about. If you think she just came here to hang out with Lindsay and Sam for a week, well that would be wrong.

Anyway, here is my take on this. These are not visitor visas. They are work visas. Amy Winehouse would be allowed to come to this country to visit, she just can't get permission to work here. So, in other words, come spend money, but don't take money. I would be more sympathetic to the rules if they applied to anyone, but lets face it. The average crack head with a full body rash, and an arrest record is not really likely to be applying for a work visa so he is free to enter the country and do what he wants. But, if for some reason there was an opening at a Best Buy and they wanted him, he couldn't work there.

I say, just let them come in, take our money and leave. It just seems kind of hypocritical to let them come in for two weeks to travel the country, but for some reason if they wanted to stop at a club each night and play some music that somehow this becomes banned or troublesome.

How Can You Boycott Something You Have Never Seen?

Look, I think most of the readers here would agree that the only thing we care about in the new 90210 are the old 90210 people. Let the old 90210 people do their thing and have the camera cut to the new people having sex or working or going to school just so we know they are alive, and move back to the old cast.


But, we don't really know what the show will be like. Hell, we all might love it or hate it or wish that Donna would be forced to work at The Peach Pit because she has eight kids to raise by herself. Of course since Tori Spelling can't get along with the people in charge, this is unlikely to happen and she will watch from the sidelines and then go sell some more jewelry on HSN, and try and convince the world that Dean really does love her and not just the money.


Anyway, no one has seen the show. No one. No critics, no one. So, how in the hell does the Parent's Television Council get it in their head that advertisers should boycott the show? How can you call for a boycott if you don't know what the hell you are going to see? For all they know, the new 90210 could take place in a church and they all devote themselves to good works and ridding the world of Spencer Pratt.


I think what happens is the group looks for potential boycott announcements, because it is the only way they get attention. Someone picked 90210, and they called for a boycott. Then whoops. The press showed up and asked them how they had seen the show when no one else in the world had, and they realized they might have a teensy problem.


Instead of just taking a wait and see attitude, they just said it was the network and it is evil and that it should be punished for the sins of Gossip Girl. Uh huh.


Good luck on that. How many people actually belong to that Council anyway, and what do you get for joining? Do they have a monthly newsletter? I love newsletters. I have a feeling they sell their mailing list though, and, I'm guessing they are not selling it to Emily's List. Do you get a sticker that says, I don't watch television that people put in their cars so people can laugh at them and their kids can be humiliated in school because they have no idea what exactly a Fairly Odd Parent is?


I actually think they are worried because they noticed there is one black guy, but no black girl and that he will have his way with Lori Loughlin. Maybe not.

Sienna Not A Slut - Just Friendly

I think it is kind of humorous that the first interview Sienna Miller has had published since her latest scandal is with a magazine called S. I think we can all guess what the S stands for. OK, well I don't know either, but for purposes of this post, we will assume that they find the slut of the month and interview her. Next month is Kim Kardashian, and the month after is Diddy who has also done Sienna, so the circle is complete.

I'm guessing the interview was done prior to the whole Balthazar Getty thing, because they didn't ask her about it. So, think about that. They did the interview PRIOR to the Balthazar Getty thing and yet, they still asked her about her reputation as a slut.

"The biggest misconception of me in the press is that I'm a slut. Apparently I've slept with half of Hollywood."

Well, you are the one who said it. I don't actually think she has slept with half of Hollywood. I think it is more like several hundred. Of course the people that she has sex with are not exactly virgins and so I guess if you do the math and multiply how many people they have been with, then lets see, carry the six, yep, she has been with a ton.

Balthazar's wife would be crazy to take him back at this point because his peen has to be toxic. Sure, he probably used a condom, but when you are talking about that level of toxicity, I don't think a thin layer of latex, ribbed for her pleasure is going to stop what she has going on.

"I'll invite journalists into my house to have a cup of tea, and then they'll write about my appallingly messy sink and how my knickers are on the floor."

Why don't you pick them up then? You just throw them on the kitchen floor? I'm actually surprised she wears them. When you have a turnover rate like she does, you would think she would just find them a waste at this point.

Tell me again why she is famous. Have you really loved her in any role?

An Open Letter To Denise Richards

Dear Denise,

August isn't really your month is it? First came the official announcement that your reality show and only source of income outside of Charlie Sheen and Bollywood is drying up. I'm actually kind of sorry that your show won't be on television anymore. Not because I won't get to see you anymore, but because I really like your sister and her husband. I was hoping that if the network gave you another year that they could just move in with you also. I mean they were the best part of the show all year.

Then comes the news that Charlie is having a baby with his new wife Brooke Mueller. That one kind of stung huh? You wanted Charlie to get you pregnant again, and instead he got Brooke pregnant, or she tricked Charlie into getting her pregnant. I'm not sure exactly how that worked. All I know is that Brooke managed to get the golden ticket. Now that Charlie is going to have a baby with Brooke, a lot of the attention is going to swing away from you.

Charlie is going to be in the cover of People with Brooke and the baby. Not you. Charlie will be out and about looking like a great dad for all the world to see. No one will be listening to you whining about how he is a bad dad, because he will be out in public so much showing what kind of dad he is.

I figure there will be only so much of this you will take so you will plot, and plot and either end up sleeping with Emilio or Joe Francis. I haven't quite worked all this out in my head yet. With all of this free time you can at least get your dogs trained and let your assistant go. I mean what does he really have to do? He cleans up dog crap and listens to you whine about the quality of the free clothes people are giving you.

Hopefully the lack of television cameras will not be the demise of your dad living with you. He seems like he needs the company, and without him, I'm not sure your daughters would have any family around because it appears as if he is the only one who watches them. Oh, and the multiple nannies we always see in the background.

Anyway, next month you probably won't have any work or a job or anything, but at least it won't be August. Hey, and you still have that big Bollywood opening to look forward to and the return of the Surreal Life.

So Much For Rehab

Do you remember last week when I posted the photo of Kirsten Dunst looking like her ratty old self and how I made a comment that when she looks like that, rehab is just around the corner. Well, it won't be long now.

According to the NY Daily News, Justin and Kirsten were making out with each other while waiting in line for margaritas. The Daily News was more concerned with the fact that they were all over each other.

Meh, who cares? Should we care that Justin Long is rebounding with someone who looks a great deal like his ex? Call me when Justin starts making Kirsten do Charlie's Angels poses in the bedroom, then there will be something to talk about. I guess we could talk about the fact that when you are in a line, in public, on the street, that as much as you want to swap spit and grope each other, perhaps you should actually get out of the line to do it. Either that or offer complimentary gropes to those in line next to you. What was once uncomfortable, then turns into which celebrity would you like to grope.

I guess we could also talk about how Justin has now had two consecutive relationships with blond haired women who have drinking problems, and while he was with them, they really drink. Kirsten had been good until Justin and now she is drinking like crazy. Drew went really overboard with her drinking with Justin. What is he doing to them to make them want to get drunk so bad? Is it his whining? The fact he has a small peen? Do they like PC more than Mac and so feel guilty?

So after Justin gets done using Kirsten, she will be off the wagon, sloppy and lonely. Hello rockstars and rehab you are going to get some Kirsten Dunst loving.

Daily Mirror Blind Item

Which supposedly clean-cut Wag has a white powder habit she can't shake? She's forever nipping into the ladies on nights out for a quick fix...

Today's Blind Items

This B list film and television actor from a famous family and an infamous marriage really doesn't like to be bothered. How much so? Well in a hotel he was staying at, he decided he wanted to work out in the hotel gym, but only if no one was in the gym with him at the same time. See, he can't be around everyday people. So, when he walked in to the gym to work out and saw two teenage girls there, he freaked out. Instead of perhaps asking them when they were going to be done, or if he could have the room to himself, he instead, picked up the phone, called hotel security and had them removed so he could be alone. Nice huh?

Random Photos Part One

Today's top spot goes to Toad The Wet Sprocket. Hey, I have lots and lots of love for guys who have let me drink their booze, puke in their tour bus and make some of my favorite music.
Bruce Springsteen - Kansas City

Never heard of them, but you know I have to include the Basement Dance Crew.
Even though she isn't in the top spot, I still do love Ali Larter, and she looks fabulous.
Anna Faris said that when she met Hugh Hefner that all he did was stare at her breasts, and she couldn't figure out why. Forgive me if this is blunt, but what is the purpose of this style of dress except to display your breasts.
Andrea Bocelli - Sydney
Iggy Pop - London

I really do not get what the big deal is about Hilary Swank. I know many of you think she is gorgeous, but I am not seeing it.
Bet if you asked where Courtney Love got that shirt around her waist she would tell you it was one of Kurt's and that she wears it to keep him close. The fact she bought it last week at Target probably won't come up.
Chic - Halton, UK
I think this photo, if you look at it carefully answers a blind item.
New guy lineup. Instead of scattering new guys throughout the blog, just going to give them to you all in a row.

Jay Karnes

Kim Coates
Taylor Sheridan
Theo Rossi
Benito Martinez

Kasbian - Halton, UK

Judas Priest - San Antonio
My anti Katie Holmes watch continues. John Lithgow on the streets of NY going to the same damn play rehearsal as Katie Holmes.

Sticky? Sure. Sweet? Umm, not so much.

Lori Loughlin at the 90210 party.
Lucy Liu always looks good. Always. Well, except when she was filming her television show. Those were some awful outfits.
Kate Walsh actually looks normal. Must have had some work done.
Katey Sagal just gets better and better with age.

So, any chance of the new Melrose Place?

I got nothing. Little help from all of you please.
Who would you rather do. Add to it though that whoever you do will marry you and you would get half.
I'm telling you that if I tried to bring those medals through airport security they would take them away.
Motorhead - San Antonio
Tom Cruise learns to play tennis.

I know that 99% of you would favor Jennie Garth over Shannen Doherty, but I just like Shannen better.
I'm a pleaser though so here is Jennie.
Steely Dan - Saratoga, CA
It is probably my imagination or perhaps some blurred vision, but Rumer Willis doesn't look bad here.
And to think Zachary Quinto actually trims his eyebrows.

I don't know what Taryn Manning has been injecting, but I want some because she looks ten years younger.
While Taylor Momsen has gone from 15 to 40 overnight.
The Lowe Family
The Hives - London

Daily Mirror Blind Item

Which fallen TV host and one-time pin-up is so desperate for work, he's resorted to becoming an 'extra' in the porn world? The poor lad is terrified someone will recognise him...

Mom, Constance Marie, And Canadians

All week, whenever I would come home from work, I was getting the evil eye from my mother. Not the drunk eye which is kind of glossy and glazed, but the evil eye which usually is reserved for my dad or when I pay my rent late.

I think what made me ask her about it finally was the thought that she was home all day and knew how to use tools, and that she would not be above loosening a few stairs and watching her 400 pound son injure himself seriously on his way down to the basement.

Turns out mom was kind of pissed that I took out dad last week and had not made any plans for her this week. Well, that could easily be rectified. Plus, when you take my mom out it is all about the three B's. Booze, Buns, and Beano. To save time, I will be skipping the final two of these, because after four hours of listening to my mother say, "look at the ass on that guy," I realize I will never earn enough for the therapy I need. Beano? Well, that is really more of a problem that my dad must face after a night of my mother drinking. Although if I were him, I really wouldn't be facing her. See? Just not appropriate for a family oriented blog such as this.

So, my mom doesn't have much use for any restaurant that was built after about 1990 which means there is no hoity toity food as she puts it. Anyway, so Friday night, after we ate dinner, she wanted to go boozing. Ever been boozing with your mom? A mom who likes to tell stories and embarrass her kids? Yeah, good times. So, for some reason we ended up at the Pig N' Whistle. If you can fight your way through the homeless, drug addled, tourists, and Scientologists at the front entrance there are pretty decent drinks, and it is dark, so no one notices if mom decides to take a nap.

While we are there, some tourists came in who were from Canada. Victoria to be exact. I love Victoria and am not just saying that because they bought me drinks. OK, it helps that they bought me drinks, but I have been to Victoria. Twice. I had the opportunity to go three or four times, but for some reason or other couldn't quite do it. Lovely place. Need to go back there soon.

Well, with this group of tourists drinking so heavily, there was quite the line to go to the bathroom. Well, instead of waiting, I decided to go next door. No, not to the Scientology folks who are always hanging out on the sidewalk there, but the opposite direction. Went over to the Egyptian theatre. Well, they were having some type of premiere or film festival or something, and as I am sneaking my way in to use the facilities, I look up and it is Constance Marie. Now, all of you might be saying, "so what?" or "who is she?" but to me, I have had a crush on this woman for 20 years. I had never met her before Friday which is surprising, because usually my crushes turn into restraining orders and court appearances. I acted like a total idiot, and I'm pretty sure the six drinks, and doing the pee pee dance had nothing to do with it.

"Are you Constance Marie?"

"Why yes, I am."

"Oh, I just loved you in_________." I rattled off like 10 projects.

I'm sure Constance was thrilled to be accosted by a half drunk, giant, sweating bald man who was hopping from foot to foot like an addict looking for his next fix while blathering about how wonderful she is, and I even think I told her something about if she ever got divorced to look me up or something equally as horrible. Well, somehow I did manage to stop her from bolting long enough to let me take a photo. Horrible photo. I have to stop drinking doubles because I am starting to get the shakes something fierce.

After I took the photo, security started to walk over and so I thought I best retreat and so did so and managed to not piss myself, but, instead held it until I got back to the bar. After I took care of business, I dragged mom away from the bartender and his "hot ass" and took her home.

All A Big Misunderstanding

I will be the first to admit that I like Hayden Panettiere. I know her and she has always been wonderful to me. But, at the same time, I feel like I have to go a little Dutch Uncle on her. Can you be a Dutch Uncle? I know there is Dutch Aunt, but I am really not into the whole dressing up thing. I chafe easily.

Anyway, Hayden has been trying to do some damage control in regards to the arrest of her dad for suspicion of felony spousal abuse. "It was blown way out of proportion by a sheriff who wanted his 15 minutes of fame. My family is wonderful, so very happy. We're all great."

Honestly, the sheriff in this case is already pretty famous and has had way more than his 15 minutes. Plus, he wasn't the guy who was making the arrest. The police at the scene made the arrest.

Hayden's parents when they were on television called it a "big misunderstanding." Uh huh. So, when Hayden's mom called the cops it was just because she thought her husband was going to beat the crap out of her, but he didn't and so when the police came they should have let him stay? Or perhaps, he slipped while fixing himself an ice cream sundae, and popped her in the face as he fell. She thought he was abusing her and so called the cops, and didn't realize it was an ice cream incident at the time. Just a big misunderstanding. It was a fake fight. Hayden's dad told her to move right, and she moved left. Just a big misunderstanding.

The next time it happens, I am sure it will be an accident. If it happens after that, it was probably just because he had a bad day at the firehouse. The time after that is just because he had a little too much to drink. After that? Hey, I could go on all day.

Honestly, this all makes me a little sick. Hayden's mom called the cops for a reason. Sure, she could have meant to dial 411, but when the cops came, they arrested Hayden's dad. Why? Was that just a misunderstanding also. Did he think he was going out on patrol with them when they handcuffed him and put him in the car? How about some people taking some responsibility and not being a statistic.

Bye Bye Paula

Despite what the public pronouncements may be coming from American Idol about a fourth host, what it really means is that it is bye bye Paula. Enjoy her this season, because the goofy, is she or isn't she drunk game will bid us adieu.

American Idol announced that songwriter Kara DioGuardi will be joining the show as a fourth judge. Idol tried to spin it by saying that international editions have four judges and that it benefits both the contestants and the viewers. Uh huh. If I seem to recall from my early experiences watching the show, didn't they used to have a celebrity judge each week? And if I recall, the practice was dropped, not for a lack of volunteers, but because they were always running short on time.

Well, if you noticed, this year's show has already been given a reduced time slot, yet they are adding more minutes of talking from a fourth judge. So, at the end of the year, the producers are going to realize there is simply not enough time for four judges and that Paula's contract will not be renewed. They will probably invite her back now and then, just for the humor, but this will be the last season of Paula.

Ricky Is Icky

I was going to start off this little masterpiece with a Cincinnati Bengals reference, but, figured it would be lost in the shuffle. (See, if you get it, you got that last part) Anyway, the NY Daily News is reporting that Ricky Martin has been trying to peddle his baby photos, because hey, he has shopping to do and nannies to hire. What? You thought Ricky was sitting at home changing diapers and cooing La Vida Loca to them? Please. I have a feeling they are going to be his very own Menudo from the time they can sing.

Anyway, as Ricky peddles his kids for cash, it seems as if none of the magazine editors are biting. "We aren't jumping like we usually do," one editor said. "We don't think he is going to tell the back story, so the whole thing just seems kind of icky."

And of course the back story would be why a self professed 100% heterosexual man who could have any woman in the world he wanted would instead choose to pleasure himself into a cup while watching the Mr. Universe competition and inserting said results into a surrogate who cannot be found. Mark my words Ricky. You think she won't be found, but she will be. I don't know what she will contribute to the story except to say that she got paid and impregnated and that she never saw Ricky's peen.

I guess I don't understand why someone like Ricky Martin who is not much of a sex symbol any more, cannot just come out. Be proud and show that parents of any sexuality should be free to have a surrogate and exploit their children for cash. Instead he has chosen to take the route of Michael Jackson and Clay Aiken.

See, now that could be a reality show. Michael, Ricky and Clay all raising their kids while trying to score chicks. It would follow the zany adventures of our three bachelors as they look for love and marriage with that special lady. Season after season would air, yet our available bachelors would just not quite seem to be able find the lady of their dreams. Oh sure, they tried, and in Season 3, one of them actually kissed one of his dates. Sure, it was an accident as he slipped, but America gasped anyway and thought for sure this was it. Alas, it was not to be, and our unlucky bachelor sashayed his way home to "everyone in the same bed night."

This Will Make The Divorce Look Even Worse

Remember when Mel B and Stephen Belafonte got married last year. Well no one else remembers it either because they did it in secret. Even Mel B's mom didn't know. So, what do you do to correct that little problem? Well if you are 99.99% of the people in the world you just leave it alone and go on with your life.

But, if you happen to be a money sucking leech then you go ahead and renew your vows for cash. A magazine is paying the former Spice Girl $400,000 to get hitched again. Considering how the couple have been getting in horrendous arguments almost daily, this should be one hell of a party.

There are some conditions to the money though. Mel B has to invite celebrities, and keep family limited because, hey, weddings are all about celebrity and families can just look at photos (for a fee). It doesn't matter if Mel B knows them or doesn't know them, she has been given an invitation list to follow.

In my opinion I think this is more Stephen's doing then Mel B. Since he is the one renewing the vows with her, then presumably $200,000 is his simply for showing up and looking like the dufus he already is. Whether they get divorced the week after or not, he still gets that $200,000.

Can you imagine if this renewal of vows thing takes off? We will go from babies on covers to people getting their vows renewed every year for cash just to sell magazines. Hell for money, Pamela Anderson might even marry Kid Rock again, get divorced, and then marry Tommy Lee, get divorced and just keep going. Seems a hell of a lot easier to just get married every year then to actually have to work for a living.

NY Daily News Blind Item

Which newly single TV personality tried out his sonorous baritone on young co-eds while vacationing in Mexico? "He was bouncing between college girls like a pinball," says our spy. "His son was there, and it was embarrassing to watch." Even worse, we hear there were no takers.