Friday, October 10, 2008
#1 - Don't be fooled by the rumors. They are a distraction. You may have heard this former A list singer has been dating a hockey player. Nope, not the one in the stories. A married one. She doesn't need the bad press and so the other name was floated out there.
#2 - C+ list actress co-star on a Top 20 network show. You would know her face if you watch the show, but doubtful you would know the name. But not for the reasons you think. Anyway, you would think since her boyfriend can't get a job he would at least find time to help raise the baby while our actress is at work. I mean it is his kid I think. But, no, he makes the actress get a nanny so he can go hang out at strip clubs all day with her money.
#3 - Foreign born B lister who is the lead in his Top 20 network show. Umm, if you are going to do some work on our actor's house, you may want to consider insurance or a lawyer. A group of people were repairing our actor's roof. One of them slipped on the roof and fell to the ground. Hurt badly. Our actor would not let the man into his home, and said that because the hurt worker was an illegal immigrant, no one would care about him one way or the other and to just get him off the actor's property.
#4 - Want to know the new lover of our fake bride? Not going to back and rehash. Someone help everyone else out. OK, our actress is probably C+ list, because everyone on these ensemble shows makes some dough and they are on television every week, but they are not household names. Well, our actress has been on several hits, but this is her biggest and she is a co-star on it. She is a little older than our fake bride but they have been inseparable for the past two months.
To all my readers and friends in Canada, enjoy your Thanksgiving weekend. I hope that all of you get to spend time with your family, your friends, and those close to you. I'm actually getting impatient for Thanksgiving here because it is my favorite holiday. I actually thought about flying to Canada this weekend and just crashing a house of a stranger for some turkey. But, with my luck it would be probably be some student or something who couldn't go home because they had too much studying to do and they would be going out to dinner for some Chinese food and I could have that just as easily here. Well, in any event, make sure that whatever you don't finish on Sunday, go ahead and send it to me. Don't know if I can wait six more weeks for Turkey.
Ummm. They must be playing hockey in hell because Ben Affleck is holding his daughter and is out in public with her. I would have also accepted, "Look, up in the sky. It's a bird, it's a plane. No, it's a pig."
For those of you who have not seen Beck in awhile or didn't catch him on Letterman.
Calle 13 - New York
Corbin Bernsen is looking pretty damn good.
Is it me, or does Josh Brolin look a little different?
Duffy - London
Yeah. Despite the idiocy that is Dania Ramirez and Jay Hernandez I really want to see their new film Quarantine.
Too much Charlize Theron lately, but she is playing golf. Never seen it before so I had to include it.
Kevin Connelly is directing the music video in which Gisele is starring in. Somehow the two got separated from each other in the photos. Not on the set though. On the set they were like glue. And not Elmer's or all the paste you ate as a kid, but super glue. Like construction helmet to the beam super glue. Like be careful playing with it and then your beans or the emergency room is going to laugh. Oh yeah. They didn't know I could hear them but I could.
Jonathon Schaech. Don't like the guy, but he looks decent here. He has a girlfriend who clings to him like Kim Kardashian to a rich guy, but he looks decent.
OK. Listen. I understand Joey King is in the film. But she is like what? 8. I don't think she should be seeing the film.
Is Joe Jonas wearing makeup? Is that why he is so upset at getting caught? The happy go lucky face isn't there when he isn't expecting it.
Been too long since we have seen Maggie. Of course the pose looks like she just got arrested and is being booked, but it is great to see her.
Apparently Katie Price actually does ride horses and is not doing a Civil War reenactment.
Kinky - New York
At what point do you suppose Katie Chonacas decided that she just couldn't find the right pair of jeans and said f**k it, just wearing the shirt.
Probably my favorite photo of the day. Sting and Elle Macpherson.
This is some French television dude named Stephane Bern. Apparently he has no friends.
Like it? It is by Picasso.
Has anyone ever seen Marin Hinkle at any event ever? I don't even think she does press for Two and A Half Men. And she picks Quarantine to be her first? Interesting.
I have to say that last week everyone gave me lots of great ideas for future Your Turns. We have talked a lot about films and music in the Your Turn segment, but never your all-time favorite television show. You know the one, where if you did not have a way to record it or watch it online. No matter what you would be in front of that television watching that show.
Yes, I admit it. I laughed when I saw the clip of Oprah from the new season of 30 Rock. Whether it is because Tina Fey set her up beautifully, or whether Oprah does actually have some comedic timing, I don't know, but their sneak peek scene from the November 6th episode is funny. Really funny. I also want to send a special thanks to the people at NBC for only including Jennifer Aniston for about one second of the 30 seconds from the preview. It is one second I won't get back of my life, but I do appreciate it.
Sunday, is the 10th anniversary of the death of Matthew Shepard. Don't let his death be in vain. Fight bigotry and hate with both words and actions wherever you go, and in everything you do. To read a report from Matthew's mom and to see a video of her on CBS discussing what progress has been made over the past ten years in the fight against hate, click here.
Anyway, as part of the suit, Samantha's old attorney is taking the deposition of Lindsay Lohan and Lindsay is freaked out about it. Freaked out enough to go to court and try and keep it from being videotaped. It is bad enough that all of us will eventually hear about it probably, but there is no way on earth she wants people to actually hear the words coming out of her mouth. Just channeled Chris Tucker in Rush Hour. That doesn't usually happen.
OK, so Lindsay is worried because she is going to be asked questions about the drugs that were found in her car the night of her infamous drug arrest, where they came from, how they got there, and what she did that night. In addition she will also be questioned extensively about the true nature of her relationship with Samantha Ronson. Interesting. So, what the hell does Lindsay not want the world to see? Do we really care who gave her drugs or how many she took? Hell no. That is old news. According to her filing seeking no video, she said it could cause her "unwarranted annoyance, embarrassment, oppression, undue burden and expense."
Annoyance and embarrassment huh? Well we already know about the drugs so how could she be annoyed or embarrassed about that? Uh oh. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Are Sam and Lindsay faking it? Is she walking in the front door with Sam and walking out the back door with guys? Is there something kinky about their relationship she doesn't want the world to know? Does Lindsay go home at night and dress like Michael? You know, put on a see through mesh shirt and pose? All I know is that it must be something big to go to the trouble of not taping the deposition. Even if there is no tape, someone will leak the testimony anyway.
First, gotta say how much I’m lovin’ these cranky-ass comments everybody’s leaving. You all make sinister voice-mailing Alec Baldwin seem like some sort of friggin’ pansy, by comparison. Particularly intrigued by all the Queen Latifah remarks that claim I’m the one who’s ultimately being antigay by writing Blind Vices about closeted celebs, making it seem like their actions are sinister and bad, therefore I’m the one promoting self-hating activities by gay people, and therefore I’m part of the problem. Screw that crap. Just the messenger here, babes. I mean, by that warped thinking, half the White House press team is responsible for the war in Iraq, just by virtue of reporting it, what a crock of BS.
And just to prove my point, here we go again—and babes, is it ever an evil delish one! Dimpled Drew is a most successful performer. He’s got it all, good wife at home, a family who adores him, looks, bucks, nice bod, cute face, what could possibly be missing? Uh, well, for starters, certain activities that involve the type of person Eddie Murphy’s infamous for transporting in the middle of the night: trannies. Transvestites, to be exact, i.e., men who dress in women’s clothing, often for the purpose of sexual pleasure and to perform lustful exercises for seemingly straight men.
You know the type these pretty hons hook up with: Dudes who pretend they’re all happy and het in their other life, all the while they’re getting down with male-male sex on the sly, and convincing themselves it’s OK, ‘cause the dude’s wear lipstick and a wig. You straight men just crack me up, particularly when they’re as stupid as Dimpled Drew.
See, D2, always deftly used an anonymous email account to set up his rendezvous with his fave tranny, let’s call her Maxi Knee-Pad. So, Maxi was always given strict instructions: leave the front door to her apartment open, lights out, candles only, then Dimpled would creep on in at the appointed hour and get serviced (a lot, and all the hell over, babes, pretty horny dude here we’re talkin’ about, hardly just a homo-curious lad, he’s an all-out slut!) and then slip away into the night, D.D.’s true identity undetected.
And it worked. Until one day, the handsome dumbass made a date with Maxi from his regular email account, which had his real name on it. Hmmm. Wonder how the fan base you’re, like, totally effing with by lying to them, would feel about this, Mr. Drew? Shall we find out?
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Last week, this A list director of some very huge films was shooting his new movie. After work, our director went to a local restaurant (as was his routine) where he picked up two local floozies. After buying them a few drinks and impressing them with his big-shot “I’m a Big Hollywood Director” come-on, our director took the two tramps back to his hotel for a night of debauchery. Little did our director know what he was getting himself into!
Turns out that this pair of hometown hotties weren’t as dumb as our director thought. In fact, there were certified pros, if you get my meaning. (Word has it ugly pros, too – but hey, whattaya want.)
Anyway, flash forward a few hours
Our director wakes up the next morning feeling all kinds of groggy. He discovers his wallet missing, and worst of all – his laptop stolen. On the purloined laptop was reportedly the script to his new movie and several highly secret, ultra-confidential, For-His-Eyes-Only visual FX sequences for the new movie that could be leaked any day now. Not surprisingly, the studio is furious with our director and his utter lack of discretion.
Well, I think that if you are brave enough to pose on the cover of a national magazine while breast feeding you should get the top spot, so here is Angelina Jolie doing just that.
George Clooney. Definitely not breast feeding. Well, at least not in this photo.
Yeah Carmen. That's the way we felt when we saw Disaster Movie. So, when are you going to announce your pregnancy, or did she? I can't keep up.
Beverley Knight - London
Buckethead - Asbury Park, NJ
Just because it has been awhile since I had Lindsay Lohan alone in the photos.
Like the world needs a 60 foot high billboard of Jennifer Lopez. Lucky for us it is only in Tokyo.
Some art of John Lennon on display in New York.
I don't think I have ever had Jennifer Garner and Liv Tyler in the same photo. Throw in Summer Phoenix and you have a winner.
I will always love Samantha Mathis because I loved Pump Up The Volume.
Xenu Cereal coming to a store near you. Yes, I know it is pudding, but the cereal thing works better.
I love these posed photos in the park.
Michael Chiklis. Totally unappreciated in my opinion.