Full Frontal Friday

Aah, that time again. If it is time for naked peen it must mean the weekend is upon us. Of course many of you would probably like to be upon or have Alex Dimitrides upon you. Today you get to find out what he would be bringing upon. I know it makes no sense, but the flask in my desk is half empty, so who cares. I want to get back to the flask, so without further ado, click here for Alex and many, many others.

Four For Friday - Top 20 Show Edition - Except For The First

#1 - Don't be fooled by the rumors. They are a distraction. You may have heard this former A list singer has been dating a hockey player. Nope, not the one in the stories. A married one. She doesn't need the bad press and so the other name was floated out there.

#2 - C+ list actress co-star on a Top 20 network show. You would know her face if you watch the show, but doubtful you would know the name. But not for the reasons you think. Anyway, you would think since her boyfriend can't get a job he would at least find time to help raise the baby while our actress is at work. I mean it is his kid I think. But, no, he makes the actress get a nanny so he can go hang out at strip clubs all day with her money.

#3 - Foreign born B lister who is the lead in his Top 20 network show. Umm, if you are going to do some work on our actor's house, you may want to consider insurance or a lawyer. A group of people were repairing our actor's roof. One of them slipped on the roof and fell to the ground. Hurt badly. Our actor would not let the man into his home, and said that because the hurt worker was an illegal immigrant, no one would care about him one way or the other and to just get him off the actor's property.

#4 - Want to know the new lover of our fake bride? Not going to back and rehash. Someone help everyone else out. OK, our actress is probably C+ list, because everyone on these ensemble shows makes some dough and they are on television every week, but they are not household names. Well, our actress has been on several hits, but this is her biggest and she is a co-star on it. She is a little older than our fake bride but they have been inseparable for the past two months.

Random Photos Part One

To all my readers and friends in Canada, enjoy your Thanksgiving weekend. I hope that all of you get to spend time with your family, your friends, and those close to you. I'm actually getting impatient for Thanksgiving here because it is my favorite holiday. I actually thought about flying to Canada this weekend and just crashing a house of a stranger for some turkey. But, with my luck it would be probably be some student or something who couldn't go home because they had too much studying to do and they would be going out to dinner for some Chinese food and I could have that just as easily here. Well, in any event, make sure that whatever you don't finish on Sunday, go ahead and send it to me. Don't know if I can wait six more weeks for Turkey.
Ummm. They must be playing hockey in hell because Ben Affleck is holding his daughter and is out in public with her. I would have also accepted, "Look, up in the sky. It's a bird, it's a plane. No, it's a pig."
For those of you who have not seen Beck in awhile or didn't catch him on Letterman.
Calle 13 - New York
Corbin Bernsen is looking pretty damn good.
Is it me, or does Josh Brolin look a little different?

It's actually sad that Giselle can make it tough to decide which one is plastic and which one is real.
Duffy - London
Yeah. Despite the idiocy that is Dania Ramirez and Jay Hernandez I really want to see their new film Quarantine.
Too much Charlize Theron lately, but she is playing golf. Never seen it before so I had to include it.
Kevin Connelly is directing the music video in which Gisele is starring in. Somehow the two got separated from each other in the photos. Not on the set though. On the set they were like glue. And not Elmer's or all the paste you ate as a kid, but super glue. Like construction helmet to the beam super glue. Like be careful playing with it and then your beans or the emergency room is going to laugh. Oh yeah. They didn't know I could hear them but I could.

You can't actually buy Dep anymore can you? I mean where is Jason Wahler getting his tribute to the 80's hair gel from anyway?
Jonathon Schaech. Don't like the guy, but he looks decent here. He has a girlfriend who clings to him like Kim Kardashian to a rich guy, but he looks decent.
OK. Listen. I understand Joey King is in the film. But she is like what? 8. I don't think she should be seeing the film.
Is Joe Jonas wearing makeup? Is that why he is so upset at getting caught? The happy go lucky face isn't there when he isn't expecting it.
Been too long since we have seen Maggie. Of course the pose looks like she just got arrested and is being booked, but it is great to see her.

Mel C. - Manchester
Apparently Katie Price actually does ride horses and is not doing a Civil War reenactment.
Kinky - New York
At what point do you suppose Katie Chonacas decided that she just couldn't find the right pair of jeans and said f**k it, just wearing the shirt.
Probably my favorite photo of the day. Sting and Elle Macpherson.

You know. This doesn't even look like a good idea in the photo. Perhaps the baby should be on the boat side arm instead of hanging over the railing above the sea. Just a tip.
This is some French television dude named Stephane Bern. Apparently he has no friends.
Like it? It is by Picasso.
Has anyone ever seen Marin Hinkle at any event ever? I don't even think she does press for Two and A Half Men. And she picks Quarantine to be her first? Interesting.

Your Turn

I have to say that last week everyone gave me lots of great ideas for future Your Turns. We have talked a lot about films and music in the Your Turn segment, but never your all-time favorite television show. You know the one, where if you did not have a way to record it or watch it online. No matter what you would be in front of that television watching that show.

Daily Mirror Blind Item

Which rowdy celeb is hounding his ex with text messages and is still under the illusion they are dating? She has definitely moved on.

I Don't Think Gift Clement Is Real

For those of you who were readers of the site last year, you are probably familiar with my torrid romance with Gift Clement. Sure, she could be a little flaky, and sure, it was just e-mails, but I could feel the passion in each one of them. Yeah, I know, she was in love with me, but my photo was of Ted Casablanca, but I think our love would have survived such a lie. It was a true, unrequited love. A love like no other that anyone has ever had with an e-mail scammer. Or at least I thought so. See, the other day I got another e-mail from Gift. Sure, it had been awhile, but I thought that maybe she realized what we had and decided to return to my arms. I know, I know. Now that she has given away her fortune, we would be poor, but I figured true love would conquer all. Turns out though that Gift may have been just playing me for a fool all along. Why you ask? Well the letter she sent me is almost identical to the one she sent me a year ago. I will spare you her e-mail. If you want to read one almost identical, just click on her label and you can read about our love and romance. Here though is my e-mail back to her.

Dearest Gift,

It has been ages since I have heard from you. I was worried that your former in-laws may have finally succeeded in killing you. I'm grateful you are still alive and that you somehow manage to evade them despite being bedridden in a hospital. I was not only shocked to hear from you, but even more so that you still have not given away the fortune of your deceased husband.

We could have done so much with that money. Do you know how much good we could have done with it. Not really the good you probably intended since you wanted it to go to churches or to charities, but it would have made me feel good, and really isn't that what is important. Oh sure, I would have given a few dollars here and there to the Campaign To Eradicate Paris Hilton or the Denise Richards Dog Foundation, but primarily it would have gone to making sure I was happy and you had the best 24/7 hospital care that $18.47 a month can get.

The last I heard from you was that you were traveling through India. I pictured you rolling through the streets of Delhi in your hospital bed as hundreds of people looked to you for a few dollars or kind words. I admit that I was jealous. I thought you had found some other person to share in your multi-million dollar fortune. Oh, how I was jealous. But, because I know you have a good heart and would never try and take something that belonged to others I was happy for you and your new boyfriend. Did he love you like I did? It's ok. You can tell me. I have moved on.

I know, I know. If you were thinking that perhaps we could rekindle our romance, I must tell you that I met a woman from the Ivory Coast who has $14M she inherited from a long lost uncle. All she needed was my bank account information, my photo and my full name and now she is going to share that money with me. I know this might seem callous of me, but she does have twice as much money as you, and because she is not confined to a hospital bed or being hunted down by relatives, I thought it would be a little easier on me. Plus, honestly she is in her 80's and so is likely to not be around for much longer. You on the other hand seem to have an ability to stay alive despite all your infirmities.

I see from your e-mail you have moved to Somalia. I hear it is lovely place, if you have a gun and a certain sense of adventure. I admire your spirit and your spunk. I want you to take care of yourself Gift. Think of me often, and remember to take the safety off before you start firing.

All my love,

Ted

OK, I Laughed

Yes, I admit it. I laughed when I saw the clip of Oprah from the new season of 30 Rock. Whether it is because Tina Fey set her up beautifully, or whether Oprah does actually have some comedic timing, I don't know, but their sneak peek scene from the November 6th episode is funny. Really funny. I also want to send a special thanks to the people at NBC for only including Jennifer Aniston for about one second of the 30 seconds from the preview. It is one second I won't get back of my life, but I do appreciate it.

Matthew Shepard - 10 Years Later, We Remember

Sunday, is the 10th anniversary of the death of Matthew Shepard. Don't let his death be in vain. Fight bigotry and hate with both words and actions wherever you go, and in everything you do. To read a report from Matthew's mom and to see a video of her on CBS discussing what progress has been made over the past ten years in the fight against hate, click here.

What Is Lindsay Scared Of?

Although I have not written about it much, you are probably aware that Samantha Ronson got her ass kicked by a gossip blogger and had to pay fees to him. Well, apparently Ms. Ronson being the litigious sort she is, decided that it was her lawyer's fault that she got her ass kicked and so is suing him for malpractice. When her current lawyer loses that case, she will then turn around and sue him and it just goes on and on.

Anyway, as part of the suit, Samantha's old attorney is taking the deposition of Lindsay Lohan and Lindsay is freaked out about it. Freaked out enough to go to court and try and keep it from being videotaped. It is bad enough that all of us will eventually hear about it probably, but there is no way on earth she wants people to actually hear the words coming out of her mouth. Just channeled Chris Tucker in Rush Hour. That doesn't usually happen.

OK, so Lindsay is worried because she is going to be asked questions about the drugs that were found in her car the night of her infamous drug arrest, where they came from, how they got there, and what she did that night. In addition she will also be questioned extensively about the true nature of her relationship with Samantha Ronson. Interesting. So, what the hell does Lindsay not want the world to see? Do we really care who gave her drugs or how many she took? Hell no. That is old news. According to her filing seeking no video, she said it could cause her "unwarranted annoyance, embarrassment, oppression, undue burden and expense."

Annoyance and embarrassment huh? Well we already know about the drugs so how could she be annoyed or embarrassed about that? Uh oh. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Are Sam and Lindsay faking it? Is she walking in the front door with Sam and walking out the back door with guys? Is there something kinky about their relationship she doesn't want the world to know? Does Lindsay go home at night and dress like Michael? You know, put on a see through mesh shirt and pose? All I know is that it must be something big to go to the trouble of not taping the deposition. Even if there is no tape, someone will leak the testimony anyway.

Stalker Watch

There are way too many stalkers for me to keep track of. It would not be a bad idea for a a website though. Just keeping the public updated on where the stalkers of celebrities are and what they are up to. What magazines they like to read while stalking. Any favorite beverage to keep them up at night as they stare through the windows of a celebrity home looking for movement. That kind of thing.

Well, one stalker I have kind of kept my eye on is the one who was arrested for stalking John Cusack last year. She was arrested outside his home. If you will recall she was arrested when she took a cab to Cusack's house but did not pay the cab driver. The cab driver called the cops and somehow Cusack came outside, saw her and the cops arrested her. Her first stalking charge was as a result of the 200 messages she sent Cusack which consisted of love letters weighted down by screwdrivers and rocks.

Yesterday she could have had a plea deal which basically would have seen her go home. Instead, she rejected the deal or didn't understand it and so her trial starts today and she faces 4 years in prison if convicted. Stalkers are dangerous. I understand that. This woman needs help though. From what I read about her appearance in court yesterday, the woman has no idea what is going on or is in and out of reality, and sending her to state prison for your years is not going to help that situation. It is just going to make her more unstable, and when she gets out of prison, whoever her focus ends up being, is in for a world of hurt. Yes, maybe even Misery hurt.

Playboy Becomes Girls Gone Wild

Before the internet when you had to get your porn by stealing magazines from 7-Eleven there was sort of a pecking order. In Playboy you were going to get tasteful shots with a heavy emphasis on articles. Penthouse was kind of your middle of the road fun. A little freakier than Playboy. Then there was Hustler. That was for your gold chain wearing guys who traded their wives on the weekends. Sure there were lots of others, but those three magazines were like the McDonalds, Burger King and Wendys of porn. Your Coke, Pepsi and 7Up (Dr. Pepper) if you will.

Playboy was class. If someone saw you with a Playboy you might have actually been looking at it for something other than photos. I always thought the way Hugh Hefner carried himself in public and in appearances was impeccable. There was a quality standard that no other men's magazine met.

As much as I might be snarky about Holly or Kendra, but of course never Bridget, at least I think the women were close to representing what Playboy has always been about. Remember this is the magazine that had Marilyn Monroe. So, when I saw yesterday the two women Hef is pretending to sleep with for the next season of the show and for his girlfriends I got sad actually. Here is an 82 year old man with two 19 year old twins. He was eligible for social security when they were born. He was in his 30's when THEIR parents were born. But you know what, I could almost be ok with that. What really ticked me off about this and Playboy's reputation is that these are two girls who are probably too trashy maybe for even Girls Gone Wild.

They both have a felony conviction, and one of the twins has another misdemeanor charge that was reduced from a felony. They are 19. How do you think they are acting at the Mansion? Do you think they give a f**k about Hef? Nope. It is all about the money. I wouldn't be surprised if they are looting the mansion as we speak. While Hef takes one of his many naps, they are taking crap and yelling at Hef's secretary. I'm sure Hef got talked into the twins by the producers of the show talking about how it would be good for ratings to have the twins. But what he is doing is just trashing everything he has worked at for the last sixty years.

So, my advice to Hef is show some balls, and kick the girls out and go live with Barbi Benton. You liked her best anyway and she is within 30 years of your age.

Ted C Blind Item

First, gotta say how much I’m lovin’ these cranky-ass comments everybody’s leaving. You all make sinister voice-mailing Alec Baldwin seem like some sort of friggin’ pansy, by comparison. Particularly intrigued by all the Queen Latifah remarks that claim I’m the one who’s ultimately being antigay by writing Blind Vices about closeted celebs, making it seem like their actions are sinister and bad, therefore I’m the one promoting self-hating activities by gay people, and therefore I’m part of the problem. Screw that crap. Just the messenger here, babes. I mean, by that warped thinking, half the White House press team is responsible for the war in Iraq, just by virtue of reporting it, what a crock of BS.

And just to prove my point, here we go again—and babes, is it ever an evil delish one! Dimpled Drew is a most successful performer. He’s got it all, good wife at home, a family who adores him, looks, bucks, nice bod, cute face, what could possibly be missing? Uh, well, for starters, certain activities that involve the type of person Eddie Murphy’s infamous for transporting in the middle of the night: trannies. Transvestites, to be exact, i.e., men who dress in women’s clothing, often for the purpose of sexual pleasure and to perform lustful exercises for seemingly straight men.

You know the type these pretty hons hook up with: Dudes who pretend they’re all happy and het in their other life, all the while they’re getting down with male-male sex on the sly, and convincing themselves it’s OK, ‘cause the dude’s wear lipstick and a wig. You straight men just crack me up, particularly when they’re as stupid as Dimpled Drew.

See, D2, always deftly used an anonymous email account to set up his rendezvous with his fave tranny, let’s call her Maxi Knee-Pad. So, Maxi was always given strict instructions: leave the front door to her apartment open, lights out, candles only, then Dimpled would creep on in at the appointed hour and get serviced (a lot, and all the hell over, babes, pretty horny dude here we’re talkin’ about, hardly just a homo-curious lad, he’s an all-out slut!) and then slip away into the night, D.D.’s true identity undetected.

And it worked. Until one day, the handsome dumbass made a date with Maxi from his regular email account, which had his real name on it. Hmmm. Wonder how the fan base you’re, like, totally effing with by lying to them, would feel about this, Mr. Drew? Shall we find out?

Today's Blind Items

Last week, this A list director of some very huge films was shooting his new movie. After work, our director went to a local restaurant (as was his routine) where he picked up two local floozies. After buying them a few drinks and impressing them with his big-shot “I’m a Big Hollywood Director” come-on, our director took the two tramps back to his hotel for a night of debauchery. Little did our director know what he was getting himself into!

Turns out that this pair of hometown hotties weren’t as dumb as our director thought. In fact, there were certified pros, if you get my meaning. (Word has it ugly pros, too – but hey, whattaya want.)

Anyway, flash forward a few hours

Our director wakes up the next morning feeling all kinds of groggy. He discovers his wallet missing, and worst of all – his laptop stolen. On the purloined laptop was reportedly the script to his new movie and several highly secret, ultra-confidential, For-His-Eyes-Only visual FX sequences for the new movie that could be leaked any day now. Not surprisingly, the studio is furious with our director and his utter lack of discretion.

Random Photos Part One

Well, I think that if you are brave enough to pose on the cover of a national magazine while breast feeding you should get the top spot, so here is Angelina Jolie doing just that.

George Clooney. Definitely not breast feeding. Well, at least not in this photo.

First time appearance for Charlie Hunnam and Ron Perlman, but definitely not so for Katey Sagal.
Yeah Carmen. That's the way we felt when we saw Disaster Movie. So, when are you going to announce your pregnancy, or did she? I can't keep up.
Beverley Knight - London
Buckethead - Asbury Park, NJ
Just because it has been awhile since I had Lindsay Lohan alone in the photos.

You might not like her music, but I always love the way Katy Perry dresses.
Like the world needs a 60 foot high billboard of Jennifer Lopez. Lucky for us it is only in Tokyo.
Some art of John Lennon on display in New York.
I don't think I have ever had Jennifer Garner and Liv Tyler in the same photo. Throw in Summer Phoenix and you have a winner.

I will always love Samantha Mathis because I loved Pump Up The Volume.

Apparently when Sarah Jessica Parker doesn't want to do her hair, the whole damn family doesn't get to do their hair.
Xenu Cereal coming to a store near you. Yes, I know it is pudding, but the cereal thing works better.
I love these posed photos in the park.
Michael Chiklis. Totally unappreciated in my opinion.