Friday, January 09, 2009

Ted C Blind Item

Crescent Kumquat sure has many swooning ladies—and drooling gents—wondering which way this young hunk swings. His precious looks seem far too well-groomed to be that of a sports-watchin', belch-providin', crotch-grabbin' hetero fella (well, his crotch, at least).

We've heard many stories of Cres' femme conquests, raunchy, watery and fairly athletic hookups to be exact. But even Toothy Tile's been known to dabble in dames from time to time, if that says anything about Cres-Cres' not-so-straight ways. And if Mr. Kumquat's more frequent nightly habits are at all telling, we've got bad news for the horny-for-Crescent gals out there:

See, Cres loves to go out and party. Yeah, so what, who doesn't at his age? A few drinks turn into a lot more, and before ya know it, dude's libido leads him every which way—par-tick to the bedroom, or whatever comfy surface he can park his luscious, long...limbs on.

Often with a bunch of like-minded (and beautifully skinned) boys 'n' girls. But guess what? Despite C.K.'s female kiss capades with other gals of his status, Kumquat's often found after these debauched nights out waking up in the arms of his "very close" guy friends. Spooning. Friggin' entwined, folks. In front of the gals he was supposedly getting all debauched with the night before.

This certainly is as telling and de-lish a plot development as Crescent's day job churns out, I'll tell ya that much.

And It Ain't: Adrian Grenier, Penn Badgley, Kellan Lutz

43 comments:

FreeThinker said...

Chance Crawford

joymichelle said...

The first person that popped to mind was Ed Westwick...as I don't think i have ever heard of Chace Crawford's conquests. And there were rumors going around about Chace and Ed. And then there were all those stories about Ed making out with Drew Barrymore at a club...hmmm....I'm going with Ed Westwick.

AnonMom said...

Ok, was the "see, cres" in the third paragraph an intentional Ryan Seacrest outing???

Very close guy friends = Mario Lopez?

ms_wonderland said...

I was going to say Robert Pattinson, until the last line about plot development. He's been talked about with lots of girls, but none for very long.

bloodonthescreen said...

Shia LaBeuof or however you spell it!

JS said...

What about the guy in Disney's High School Musical, can't think of his name right now. If a 'wholesome' Disney franchise is his day job, wouldn't being gay be a "de-lish plot development"?

FreeThinker said...

Chance Crawford is questioned by bloggers who say he has the gay face..

Chance has been linked to 2 co-stars recently.. Taylor Momsen and Jessica Szohr..

There's always photos of him and Ed Westwick at parties together drunk.. (could be Ed..)

or whatever comfy surface he can park his luscious, long...limbs on.


Chace is tall :P

Despite C.K.'s female kiss capades

Both stories about Taylor and Jessica were about caught kissing.. Jessica's was in an airport no with photos?

debauched nights out waking up in the arms of his "very close" guy friends

Him and Ed

and in the ain'ts is Penn Badgley a co-star

Allison said...

we have heard about Chace's conquests...Carrie Underwood

Green Wave Gal said...

I thought Ed Westwick was kissing Jessica...I'm going with him. He seems more exciting. :)

West End Girl said...

I thought Chace was one of Lainey's BIs? "Boys in the city", wasn't it?

Ror said...

all of the Jonas twinks

Ed said...

My first thought was Zac Efron but Im changing to Chace Crawford

jw12 said...

Michael Phelps

RakeshR said...

Ed Westwick

Taylor said...

Thank God it's not Kellan.

JS said...

hmmm, good catch on the "See, Cres"

Angie said...

The first one who popped into my head was James Franco - he was in Pineapple Express--Pineapple, Kumquat, fruits? I don't know who he's dated though.

SeekHer said...

I literally can never read to the end of one of "Ted's" posts. They read like they have been reverse translated back into English from Tagolog. Except for the heavy handed alliteration. That just screams crazy desperate.

Jo said...

On what planet would Adrian Grenier be considered as having well-groomed good looks? I think his inclusion in the aint's goes without saying based on the provided description. Yuck.

DNfromMN said...

I wanted to go with Pattinson because of the Kellan Lutz clue. But he's certainly not well groomed, at least he wasn't when he was stateside.

Alexis said...

I also thought of Ed Westwick. I hope its not true! I wouldn't mind Ed coming up to me and saying "I'm Chuck Bass" before sticking his tongue down my throat.

Mooshki said...

I vote Chace Crawford. I wouldn't call Ed's looks "precious."

Jamie's Girl said...

Jesse Metcalfe!

I got it. (above post is a joke)

Jill said...

"or whatever comfy surface he can park his luscious, long...limbs on."

Usually the phrase is "luscious, long locks" = long hair. James Franco had long hair in Pineapple Express....

Ms. said...

Alec Baldwin.

BinkyM said...

@Jill: Because of the ellipsis, I think Ted was going for a dirty word, not "hair."

This sentence:

"This certainly is as telling and de-lish a plot development as Crescent's day job churns out"

if written by a normal person, comes out:

"Crescent's day job churns out telling and delicious plot developments."

How literally should we take "day job"? Beause it's making me think soap operas, talk shows, newscasts, that sort of thing (in which case Ryan Seacrest would seem to have been a very good guess).

Nature Girl said...

Chace, for sure.

- precious & well-groomed
- always partying in nyc & photographed with the ladies and his "good friend and roomate" Ed.

GG is a show that has "de-lish plot developments" like this one.

Elizabeth said...

I was thinking RPatz too, not just cuz I'm obsessed. First, Crescent is one of the phases of the moon (New Moon was one of the Twilight novels). Kumquat = fruit, Twilight has a pic of an apple on front.

The parenthetical reference in the first paragraph has me confused (I hate to quibble about gossips' syntax but PLEASE). It makes it seem like the "far too well-groomed" applies only to the crotch, and Pattison is famously ill-groomed.

Reference to his luscious, long... limbs can also mean the trademark long hair?

Bebedog said...

What does he mean with "cres' femme conquests, raunchy, watery and fairly athletic hookups" What does watery mean?
Ted gives me a head ache!

c. said...

"Beautifully skinned"--Chace Crawford's dad is a dermatologist.

David D. said...

Exactly, bebedog--who is well-groomed and has had many stories about 'raunchy, watery and fairly athletic hookups'?

lutefisk said...

The well groomed guys are all Disney/Gossip girl stars--they have the waxed eyebrows & flat ironed hair.

not on my dollar said...

Mario Lopez

Ms. said...

@ bebedog
I think watery means water sports (pissing on someone).

labgrrl said...

could adrian grenier be listed in the Ain'ts because he plays a guy named vincent CHASE??

btw, i still can't tell zac efron and chase crawford apart. seriously, are they not the same guy??

Anotheramy said...

"This certainly is as telling and de-lish a plot development as Crescent's day job churns out, I'll tell ya that much."

Is this a soap opera star? Who is young, long legged and popular right now in the soaps?

shakey said...

Ed Westwick had a lot of photos taken of him at the beach with a bunch of girls around him, during filming. Maybe that's what Ted's alluding to. Ed's the fug with the pork pie hat? Him.

Jaiden said...

It's Chase and Ed is his very close friend.

No1uNo said...

I'm confused by this blind. The guy is seen "spooning" with another guy "in front of the gals he was supposedly getting all debauched with the night before" so... he gets wasted with a group of people (guys and girls), and when he wakes up he's wrapped himself around another dude in his sleep? Or did he have sex with the guy while the girls were watching? Or do they assume he did but they're not sure because they were passed out somewhere? Or they all had a big orgy but because he curled up with a guy at the end he must be gay, or something? I even usually understand Ted C's blinds, honest, but I'm not sure what I'm looking out here...

No1uNo said...

looking AT, not looking OUT, sigh

becki626 said...

Michael Phelps-
watery and fairly athletic hookups
long limbs

muccimooch333 said...

Oh crap! Oh, please, please, please, don't like this be Rob Pattinson. But, I am afraid that this TOTALLY READS AS ROB. SHIT!!! There goes my fanstasy.

Jerry said...

Anyone else notice that no CDaN veterans are discussing this blind?