Friday, January 30, 2009

Ted C Blind Item

Crawley McNugget is a quasi-pint-size playboy in the fickle and lust-filled town of Hell-Ay, even though he may not look the part. Like, at all. Regardless, Crawley's somewhat public womanizing track record shows he's gotten to bed many notorious (for nothing) ladies even though scores of coke-snorting bystanders manage to marvel at McNugget's success—through the haze of blow-filled highs, no less.

But look, the really ridic thing about the dude is that his real-life sex manners are not at all like the nice TV character he plays. Here's how:

As one would suspect of his unimaginative type, Crawly frequents the Hollywood club scene, a lot of the time with other famous pals, looking to score some ass. And he does too, tons. C.M. takes the babes back to his Hills home with the assumption that they're sure gonna do the dirty, and most of the time they sure do. Jeez, you straight chicks can be as easy as us gay slutty ones, I swear! I digress.

But for any gal who prefers to just fool around without closing the deal, be prepared for McNugget to scream louder than a Desperate Housewife with bad lighting. "Get out, then!" he will squeal with high-pitched yelping not dissimilar from the zealous Chihuahua he resembles. He then calls a cab for the discarded dame.

Gentlemanly? Hardly. Why, the last babe who got kicked to the curb dished to us that when the cabbie picked her up, the driver snarked, "What is this place?" She proceeded to tell him the name of the nonlikely hunk that lived there. "I'm here nightly," the cabby said. "Sometimes a couple times a night."

Guess you get cab fare whether you seal the deal or not. One thing's for certain: You don't get to spend the night. Ever. Why? Because the last honey Crawley tried to make it work with burned him for life. No joke. Life. Now, he treats his women as badly as she did him.

And It Ain't: John Mayer, Matt Dillon, Verne Troyer

37 comments:

amazonblue said...

David Spade??

Taylor said...

Kevin Connely

Taylor said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Harriet Hellfire said...

"E" from Entourage. What the hell is his name?

Dee said...

David Spade was my first thought too, but he doesn't play a nice guy on TV, he's always kind of a jerk. How about Kevin Connelly? He's short, always at clubs, and used to date Nicky Hilton, who could be the one who ruined him for life.

Harriet Hellfire said...

Right. Kevin Connely. *LOL*

T said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
T said...

Kevin Connelly from Entourage?

canadachick said...

I concur with the Kevin guesses -first one to pop into my head.

Idiot Watcher said...

I'm on board with Kevin Connelly. It just fits. I'm not sure this even counts as a blind.

Never said...

Wilmer Valderrama??

Princess Buttercup said...

I think Connelly as well. He does not physically resemble a Chihuahua (except for being short) but I was thinking it could be a Hilton reference even though Paris is the "dog lover".

There was also that item recently about how he thought it was ok to break up with women via text message. It could have been taken out of context but it is still pretty douche...like Phil Collins with a blackberry.

Lydmila said...

Kevin Connelly was the first person to come to mind. But I don't really think he looks like a chihuahua...he's kinda cute, actually. I don't think David Spade plays a "nice TV character," but Kevin definitely does.

AnonMom said...

Kevin Connelly.

Kraymond19 said...

WOW!!! I actually understood that one! Someone else must have written it.

I vote Kevin C. as well.

Little Miss Smoke and Mirrors said...

Absolutely Kevin Connelly. We've got an Entourage co-star in the "ain'ts" and Ted gave his subject an Irish name. Plus, the guy is about 5 foot 1.

Kraymond19 said...

SOLVED!!!

Quote from Entourage (I knew McNugget sounded familiar!)...

"Vince (got offered a lead in a Martin Scorsese movie): Thank you Ari, thank you.
Ari: You know what? Don’t thank me, thank E. For once in his life the little McNugget delivered. Where is the little freak anyway?"

Katie said...

im onboard for kevin connelley, but he was the one that cheated on Nicky Hilton.

Mooshki said...

How awesome is it that Verne Troyer is an "Ain't?!!!"

amster said...

I agree Kevin Connolly. I think David Spade is actually nice to his women which is why he is the rebound guy.

BlahFrickinBlah said...

When he and Adrian were on Stern, they were commenting how they are the opposite of their characters in real life. Kevin was the whore and Adrian the nice guy. Kevin sounded like a douche which is a shame cause he's a little cutie.

5'1"? Holy shit!He must have the short man jackass syndrome.

LT said...

It looks like all signs point to Kevin Connelly...I wouldn't know...not an entourage fan...that said, since I know nothing about KC, the next best guess is definitely Wilbur.

And yes, this was a fairly comprehensible Ted C blind!

Ellen said...

I was thinking David Spade or Jeremy Piven when I first read this, but everyone's argument for Kevin Connelly makes me think it's him now. I had no idea he was so short!

stiffkittens said...

It sounds like KC, and i really want to believe Spade is a sweety...But for shits and giggles:

"Because the last honey Crawley tried to make it work with burned him for life. No joke. Life. Now, he treats his women as badly as she did him."

The only thing that can burn a manwhore FOR LIFE (if you don't count incurable STD's) is a woman getting pregnant on purpose for the child support money (as in the woman tricked him into fatherhood).

A child is a lifelong responsibility (and a financial/legal one for 18 years), and would mess up your opinion of future lays due to not knowing if they are going to trick you as well. He is a celeb with money - he's regularly going to attract gold diggers.

David Spade had a child with a playmate, which he had to have a paternity test for:
"
The actor, 45, announced in January that he had a brief relationship with Grace, and if proven to be the child's biological father, he would accept responsibility. The baby was born Aug. 26."

It doesn't sound like he was okay about it - no 'happy accident' or 'im excited/thrilled about this new chapter' bull that usually comes out with this kind of story.
Also he looks like a whiny little dog (as much as i love him).

palealebrew10 said...

Yeah I think this is "E"-Kevin Connelly. Didn't he punch someone at a club or something a while back?

And maybe the girl who burned him-Julianne Hough? I know he went out with her and she told some magazine she's saving herself not too long ago.

kanonymous said...

This sounds like someone who was with Paris Hilton for two reasons:

1)"he's gotten to bed many notorious (for nothing) ladies"

2)"the last honey Crawley tried to make it work with burned him for life. No joke. Life." Herpes!

Nature Girl said...

IMDb says that Kevin's 5'7", which probably means he's really 5'4" or so. From watching Entourage, I noticed that Kevin's shorter than Jeremy Piven (who's short), but about the same height as his character's ex GF (played by Emmanuelle Chriqui, who's IMDb lists her as 5'3")

Douche

ms snarky said...

This is so E. and he got burned by Nicky Hilton when she dumped him after he cheated on her, and then he was on Howard Stern talking about how he was so into that blonde dance instructor (Julianne Hough) from Dancing with the Stars, but she blew him off.
Poor Kevin.

and p.s. I don't think it's David Spade and Gillian Grace - Ent said "the last honey Crawley tried to make it work with," and there's not even a tiny idea anywhere that Spade wanted anything more with her than some quick sex.

Eddie said...

Just to be different - maybe Seth Green? He seems like an a-hole.

emailchallenged said...

kevin cheated on nikki, what about jesse mc cartney? he's slightly chichichuasesq

Ms. said...

Careful, Eddie. I love Seth Green. Just love him.

Audrey said...

David Spade.

stiffkittens said...

ms snarky:
This link could be evidence, if its true -
http://www.celebitchy.com/8808/david_spades_love_child_was_planned_he_broke_up_with_girlfriend_after_learning_of_pregnancy/

lachickforever said...

Matt Dillon is not on Entourage, his brother Kevin is.

Elizabeth said...

weird, I thought kevin c. too, and I know nothing about entourage 'cept for piven's douche baggery. There must have been something in the blogs about kevin that made him pop into my head.

bionic bunny! said...

i just saw seth green on bonnie hunt this morning. no way it's him.
i also can't believe it would be david spade, he usually plays an annoying prick, but he's supposed to be a nice guy in reality. he also said from the beginning if the kid was his, he would (and did) take responsibility.
never watched entourage, but it doesn't sound like someplace i'd want to work!

joo said...

Ya know, I know everyone thinks he's gay, but I thought Ryan Seacrest for this one. He "dates" lots of "models" you've never heard of, and is a nice guy on TV. However, I don't know who the woman who burned him for life would be, or what that would refer to.