Friday, February 06, 2009

I Feel Sorry For Jennifer Aniston


I actually never thought I would ever write the words in the headline unless of course you know someone died or something that she knew. Oh, and if she got a grey hair or there was a pot shortage and she didn't have any that she was growing. I don't know if she is growing any, but would it really shock you if she was? No, the reason I feel sorry for her is because Bret Michaels is in love with her. Apparently he isn't going to stop professing his love for her until he gets her attention.

Earlier this week he tried to get people to pay attention to his proclamation of love for her but no one really paid him any mind. But, to prove he was serious he has been talking about it every chance he has had since then. Seriously, it is like high school. Earlier in the week he had a friend call and e-mail some media outlets saying that Bret liked Jen and when that didn't work, Bret started calling them himself. Now, Bret, I don't know what to tell you man, but I think you are probably going to strike out on this one. Hell, I know you are.

Have you seen the women on your show? Yeah, and still you slept with all of them. It isn't like you have a very discerning palate when it comes to this and now you want to add Jennifer to the feast? I don't think so. No, your best chance was before you became a balding, yet long haired Gallagher looking caricature of your former self. That was your only chance to get Jen. You needed to get her when she and Courteney kept alternating Adam Duritz like he was choice beef.

I know what it is like to have those unrequited crushes Bret. I have had and have lots and lots of them. My best advice to you is on your next show, have the casting agents find you a bunch of Jennifer Aniston look-a-likes, but strippers and porn stars of course. And if that doesn't work go find C.C. Deville, put a wig on him and call him Jennifer.

18 comments:

Ror said...

Okay, this is wierd. Because on the Ted C. blind, Bret came to mind.

We came across his show last night "Rock of Slut Bus" or whatever. I asked the g/f "Seriously, who would WANT to fuck that bald hasbeen?" Besides a unemployed stripper fame whore.

Would rather watch snow melt.

amster said...

I feel more sorry for her because her next movie is titled 'The Baster'.

David D. said...

Well, they *are* practically twins.

Molly said...

ror, that's why i think we have to eliminate him. he's hardly 'undeniably sexy'. he grosses me out. and he's so immature, that this line from enty was perfect -

Seriously, it is like high school.

dude needs to grow up.

Kat said...

Oddly enough, she actually talked about finding one long grey hair this morning during an interview on Ellen. I don't know, I kind of thinks she's alright. She's never going to be a Cate Blanchett or even a Kate Beckinsale, but she seems to know and understand who and what she is. I wish people would just leave her alone, and this includes that sad old thing, Bret Michaels.

Mika said...

They do look alike...

Cheryl said...

Two words: restraining order

Harriet Hellfire said...

I kind of like Jennifer Aniston too, she just seems kind of normal to me. It just seems odd that Bert would go after someone like her, considering all the miserable old slutrags he has on his show.

He looks more and more like Goldie Hawn every day. And you should know that I am a big Poison fan.

Molly said...

i don't mind j.a. either and really don't get all the hate.

cheryl, no kidding. this is beyond creepy - it's stalkerish.

Harriet Hellfire said...

"Bert"...*LOL* I meant Bret.

The Pants Down Explainer said...

can anyone point us to any pics show bret in all his baldness?

The Pants Down Explainer said...

can anyone point us to any pics show bret in all his baldness?

Molly said...

pants down, if we had them we could probably fetch a pretty penny for them. i don't think any exist. i think the stupid do rag is permantly placed there.

MizCaramel said...

I didn't know he was balding either, but he grosses me right out, all that kissing one girl after the other, they french kiss him like he's ribs dipped in bbq sauce ewwwwww! I wouldn't touch him with another woman's vagina.

B626 said...

I don't watch Bret's latest
slutfest, this rejection By Jen A. will only further fuel his mistreatment of fake female suitors. Oh goody.

Lisa said...

LOL at what MizCaramel wrote.

Hey Bret, if you're reading this, perhaps you could pass Jen a note in remedial math class. Circle Yes or No.

Bwahahaahah!

Harriet Hellfire said...

Well, at least he has admitted to having hair plugs and weaves.

Heather Matthews said...

I really like Jennifer Aniston, I think she looks great and her body is fantastic, better than Angelina's in my opinion. Jennifer has made herself look as great as she possibly can - what else can she do? I liked her in Office Space, and Object of My Affection. I think she gets a raw deal sometimes. In interviews, she always seems sweet and down to earth. I'm on Team Aniston.