Thank you. Thank you for finally going out and buying some kind of ring to make this whole engagement thing look more real. I think even your most ardent fans and people who want to believe that you and Hayden are actually a couple were having a tough time understanding why you have not worn an engagement ring the entire two months you have allegedly been engaged. I mean, I would think you would be excited and thrilled to be engaged and would love showing off your ring to the world. Wasn't Hayden upset that you had not bothered to wear it even once over the past two months?
Whatever it was, I think your decision to go out and buy one this past week was a great idea. These are the things you need to think about before you have your publicists announce an engagement. It isn't as bad as Hugh Grant forgetting the ring in Four Weddings And A Funeral, but it doesn't quiet the rumors when you have been photographed a million times since the holidays and have never been photographed once wearing a ring.
Now, with you flashing that ring directly into the eye of the camera lens, people can stop wondering if you are really engaged. If you go to the trouble of wearing one you must be engaged right? By the way, can I just say that you are buying enough groceries to feed an army. You are like a one person stimulus there.
As I have said to you before and offered many times, I would be happy to sit down and discuss with you your engagement to Hayden and to share your joyful news with the world, but I doubt you will sit with anyone to explain and I sincerely doubt that ring will last on your finger much beyond the date of the premiere of your next movie.
P.S. I still feel bad about knocking you over at the bookstore and I'm just grateful you were not Nicky Hilton or you would have made a citizen's arrest and I would still probably be floundering in the judicial system.
P.P.S. When you talk to Mischa, please tell her that all of us are worried about her career and there is no shame in working at In-N-Out.