Friday, March 27, 2009

Your Turn

After taking a break last week from the spicy and salacious, this week brings it all back and then some. Everyday I hear stories about celebrities who are having an affair or had an affair or are contemplating an affair. Actually affair sounds too pretty and quaint. Lets face it, they are cheating. Today the topic is have you ever cheated? Have you ever wanted to cheat? With whom did you cheat? Were you caught? Are you still together? So many possibilities with this great topic. As always on Fridays it is anonymous so feel free to release those demons and share it all.

212 comments:

1 – 200 of 212   Newer›   Newest»
Chickenshit said...

Well, I'm not going first!

Anonymous said...

Yes, and we're still together. He left his wife (they were rocky before we even hooked up) and we're getting married this summer. It's been 5 years, but we knew each other for 7 years before that.

Anonymous said...

I was with a married man for a year. But I was single. Nothing too exciting about it except it was some of the best sex I've ever had. I did run into his wife at a wedding. Apparently she was good friends with the bride. I don't think she ever found out because she didn't try to fight me.

Tessa said...

I'm hoping that someone starts posting celebrity cheats on here. I LOVED all the gossip stories from a few weeks ago!

Anonymous said...

Yes - we started dating and fell in love 7 years ago - we dated on and off for a over a year, then lived together for 6th months. When we broke up we found ourselves drawn back together. I like to say I fixed him and he moved on to a real relationship...got engaged, got married to another woman - only thing is we still sleep together every 2 or 3 months and he still owns my heart.

Yep it is horrible and i am trying to heal my heart. But i am single... he's not and I did have him first - hmmmm I know no excuse! Going anonymous on this ones kids

Anonymous said...

No, I can honestly say I have never cheated. I can understand the temptation to a certain extent, but I guess I'm just not enough of a selfish whore to do it.
Don't even get me started on women who sleep with married men - or the other way around. I get really workd up about it *LOL*.

Chickenshit said...

OK, now that I'm not first...

This might not officially count as cheating because I thought we were breaking up.

My longtime GF & I decided to call it quits. (lesbian, btw) I decided to leave town for the weekend to cool off. Stayed with a friend. Ended up sleeping with her AND her GF...at the same time. Twice.

Flew home, patched things up with the GF. NEVER told her. That was 10 yrs ago.

I'm sweating...should I hit send?

Closing eyes, and...

Katie said...

I have cheated on every single boyfriend I have ever had except for one, and he was The One for me. He was my first "real" boyfriend. We were in college though and the timing was wrong and blah blah blah. I have never been in a relationship again with that level of depth and emotional support since. I have been cheated on a lot though, so it all evens out in the end. But whatever, I'm 25 and not done having my fun yet.

Please don't hate on me, I'm just being honest. Human nature is ugly!

Anonymous said...

I did (and then he did), and yes, we're still together. In gay relationships the stakes and approaches can be different but the emotions are the same. However, we got through it and we're still committed to each other. We've been together more than six years.

Anonymous said...

I fooled around with my best friend/room-mate's boyfriend and it was FABULOUS.  Best.  Sex.
Ever.  She has never found out and I will never tell her. The guy is long gone.  Not proud of it, but, damn.     

Anonymous said...

My Mother used to say, "Take it to the grave." I know she cheated with her stepfather. How her Mother could ever forgive her, I don't know.

Anonymous said...

I've never cheated on any of my previous boyfriends. Was tempted once or twice, but never followed through. But I did have a wildly passionate 2 year affair with a married man. He was in the military; supposedly his marraige was over, she had cheated on him several times while he was on deployment, yada yada. I held on for two years; no kids were involved, btw, or I would have never gotten involved at all. This relationship nearly broke me - I cried every day for a solid year after we ended things. Then I went into therapy for another year. Four years wasted on this guy. Interestingly enough, he did eventually divorce his wife, but by then I was long gone. That was 10 years ago - to this day I've never come close to loving anyone the way I did him.

BTW - even though I knew his wife had cheated on him several times, I still feel guilty for what I did, and will regret it till the day I die. Two wrongs never make a right...

Barney Fife said...

Never have cheated and never would. But, I have been dumped. :(

Anonymous said...

My Mother used to say men invented marriage to keep women at home.

Married to 3 abusive men (I know, I finally learned), I used to cheat on them when they would beat me up. It made me feel better.

Anonymous said...

I cheated a few years ago with the assistant manager at my old work place. I was in a long distance relationship with someone I am currently in the process of breaking up with. I was 18 or 19 and the assistant manager was a 23 year old man whore that I had a crush on. It was fun while (5 months) it lasted... made me feel so bad (in a good and bad way). I think he started to fall a bit, then I chose my long distance boyfriend over him, when he came to stay for the summer. Then one of my best friends ended up falling in love with the guy I was cheating with once I chose my boyfriend over him... A couple months into their relationship, we had another encounter... I found out months later that he had been seeing that friend and that he cheated on her with me. They hid their relationship from me! Anyways he fucked her over with lots of other chicks after that. We go on myspace and laugh at his new pics he posts cause he is laughable now.

I think about sleeping around with guys in serious relationships sometimes... seems like a good idea cause they are probably pretty clean as far as diseases go and they probably don't want to lose their girlfriend so wont have to get emotionally involved. But I always think of how pissed off I would be if someone I loved did that to me... so I don't enter that territory.

Little Red Leo said...

Never would cheat, never really felt tempted by anybody but the person I'm with. I'd rather break up then start playing with people's heartstrings.

Anonymous said...

I've been married to my husband for only two and a half years, cheated on him last year. I answered an ad off craigslist and starting sleeping with my "dream guy", who was also married. My husband found out in August, and left me. I've done extensive counseling for the last six months to discover why I always feel the need to hurt people, and have done a lot of hard work, and am happy to report that he moved back in two weeks ago and we're stronger than ever. Don't cheat. It is so not worth it. And it's rare that you can ever fix the damage that is done.

Anonymous said...

I've never cheated on a significant other, but I did date a guy who was cheating on his girlfriend. Classic story, "I'm not in love with her like I am with you; I'll leave her when the timing's right." Well, the timing was never "right", and I finally got over him five years later, when he was still with his original girlfriend. How foolish could I be?!?!?!

wade said...

I was cheated on and it was one of the worst feelings I ever had in my life.

An old friend of mine cheated on her boyfriend about 30 times in the time I knew her. She then got angry when she found a note with a girl's number on it in his wallet. She got so mad at him she went on a rant about what a scumbag he was and a cheating bastard. I had to stop her and tell her "hello, uh...what about YOU?"

I would never cheat. I couldn't. I'd never be able to live with myself or the guilt.

Anonymous said...

There are many reasons to cheat but i think we do it for a cheap thrill.
I've always had this strong attraction to this one guy at work but never went past harmless flirting.
He had a girlfriend (not that it really mattered) and I left it alone.
However, one night we were stuck at the office late to check inventory and decided to take a break and went down the street to a divebar. 3 beers and 2 tequilla shots later, I found myself a new playmate. And this was MY BEST SEX EVER.

Anonymous said...

Oh yeah, and this one time, two weeks after I got married, I was away at a cabin weekend with some friends (but sans hubby), and I was sitting on a dock with a guy just chatting, and if he would've made a move, I would've been tempted to make out. But nothing more. I much too repressed for that.

Anonymous said...

When I was young I cheated on my boyfriend to become a member of the KMET all girl harmonica band.

Anonymous said...

I was in a shitty relationship with a guy who didn't much care for me and I ended up falling in love with a friend of mine and the friend, who was also in a relationship, fell in love with me.

I ended up breaking off my relationship after not too long. He did not. The worst part about it was the guilt, because I knew his girlfriend and I loved her to pieces.

Actually, the worst part about it is that it's been several years and we still sleep together sometimes. I've been in several relationships since and, for the most part I am faithful, but every once in a while, the guy and I will find ourselves alone together and we slip into our old bad habits. I'd like to say I can't help it because I love this man, but I know that there is absolutely no justification for my actions.

He's still with the same girl. All of us are still friends. I gave up on the idea that he would break up with her for me a long time ago because it won't happen. I also realized that he would be a lousy boyfriend and I would never be able to trust that he wouldn't cheat on me. I also must reiterate that I love her, too, and have no desire to be a homewrecker.

I would have no problem forgoing a sexual relationship with this man; he's just kind of pushy about it. He's got this crazy passion for me, which I can't help but succumb to on occasion. But I also know he fucks around with other girls, too. So complicated.

Yes, I'm a horrible person for this. Horrid.

Dianne P said...

I cheated on a long-term (4 year) boyfriend with 2 other guys. I am a real goody-two-shoes and I was shocked at myself. The two cheating episodes were very different--1 of the guys I loved very much and should have been with in the first place. The other was just sex.

I do think people sometimes cheat as a safety valve to their primary relationship...Instead of breaking up, they get their needs met elsewhere for awhile. Or they use the outside person as a way to get out of the relationship.

My long-term relationship was so awful and it took me a year and half at the shrink to get myself out of it.

I learned so much by those other relationships and at least I stopped the holier than thou crap.

Anonymous said...

I was dating this guy, who left me for a girl, she found out and said some nasty things to me, later on he called and we got back together for one night, odds are I wouldnt have if she wasnt such a bitch, I did it with no remorse I had him before her and had him after ... I took comfort in that.

CLS said...

I have. Definitely have. Its the corniest thing ever, but i met the love of my life online 10 years ago. (i'm only 24 now lol so yes - when I was 14) We stayed in touch over the years, and at some point, 'feelings' began to grow. We were on opposite sides of the world, so we swept it under the rug and ignored it.
We both carried on with life, and I began seeing someone who turned out to be VERY abusive. Emotionally, mentally, physically. One day, my online sweetheart had decided he'd had enough, and wrote me a heartfelt e mail pouring out the feelings he had for me. Abusive boyfriend ended up snooping my e mail that day, saw it and in return, i got one hell of a beating. When online sweetheart heard what happened a month or so later, he ended up getting on a plane, moving me out of abusive boyfriends house and we've been together since.

I guess it was more of an emotional cheating, due to distance.

Yuck. what a long winded story I just pumped out lol. Sorry!!!

Anonymous said...

My husband cheated on me while I was on a trip back to my home town to order a head stone for my mother's grave. Don't know how I lived through it all. The experience changed me forever.

Anonymous said...

I cheated on a boyfriend in college with a guy I'd hooked up before being with BF. The guy was cheating on his girlfriend being with me, too. Ironically, she liked me because I was one of his few (maybe his only?) friends who was nice to her (i.e. none of his friends really liked her and she could tell). I didn't have any problems with her, but I didn't think they were a good match.

I believe they broke up (nothing to do with our hookup, BTW), got back together, got married and are now divorced.

I dumped my boyfriend, with whom I'd never seen a future with anyway and ended up marrying the perfect guy for me, whom I would never cheat on--no need to and the guilt would kill me. [I actually dreamt once about kissing another guy and woke up in a cold sweat thinking I had cheated on him.]

Anonymous said...

When I was very young & single I was the "Other Woman" many, many, many times. All of the girlfriends/wives were beautiful women & it was an incredibly selfish self esteem boost. I was ruthless & the sex was always hot. So hot I still have no regrets over a decade later.

Anonymous said...

I hate all you cheaters. If you hate your significant other enough to cheat on them, then have the courtesy to break it off with them first. Now go see your doctors and get blood tests. Sorry, that's just how I feel.

Anonymous said...

I was tempted to cheat on my husband with an old friend many years ago. We carried on an emotional affair for quite a while, but we both realized we needed to put a stop to it. My husband got involved in a similar situation recently (we now have 3 children) and it was devastating. We are both so grateful that we came to our senses early. It might be different when you're younger, but when you're married and there are children involved, you really have to think about whether that intense sex is worth breaking someone else's heart. I've read several blogs recently, written both by people being cheated on and by people doing the cheating - and the pain on all sides is pretty overwhelming. If anyone is on the fence about having an affair, I'd advise them to read some of those blogs. Someone usually ends up getting hurt, oftentimes all three people.

Anonymous said...

In relation to a celebrity cheating....
A couple of years ago, my friend told me this story about Britney Spears. My friend's cousin used to be a back up dancer to Britney Spears way back when she was dating Justin Timberlake. Anyhooo, it was well known amongst the back up dancers that no only did Britney Spears hook up with a dancer but would also bring random ass guys back to her hotel rooms for some effity times if you know what i mean.

Momster said...

Never cheated, had my chances and luckily didn't act on them. And I will be celebrating my 20th wedding anniversary this year. And totally worth it.

Anonymous said...

I fked Rob L when I was in my early 20s. bought everything about publicity marriage due to a certain tape. but how could I not.

8 words.

About Last Night

St. Elmo's Fire

Soda Pop

Sarah said...

About Britney, I always felt like her relationship with Justin was a studio creation.

I mean, what straight male says "Yes, Sir, I would love to be a Mouseketeer!".

little J said...

I never have, nor have I ever had the opportunity, but one of my oldest friends was the "other woman" in college. She only did it for the attention and to lose her v card. I doubt she even liked the guy. I don't know why she would have anyways, he was younger than us and terrible in bed. She still brings it up, even though it's been many years, for the attention.

Anonymous said...

12:52 PM

I know it makes my blood boil whenever I hear about people cheating on their spouses. I think it's even worse when they've been in a relationship for a long time and or have children involved.

12:40 PM

No offense, but you already are a homewrecker. She might know, she might not, but I think you are just a selfish person. You love her to bits? Please! If you had any kind feeling towards that woman, you wouldn't be sleeping with HER man.

Anonymous said...

all you dumb whores have serious emotional issues. go to a therapist instead of someone's spouse.

Anonymous said...

@ Anon 12:20PM did you really say that you would PREFER to sleep with guys who are in SERIOUS relationships becuase they don't have diseases, yet your story is about you in a relationship cheating with a guy who was in a relationship (although you did not know at the time). What is the difference between his situation and a serious relationship? I just want to understand your thought process.

Anonymous said...

1:06 PM - gee, you must be holier than thou to throw rocks at our glass house.

Anonymous said...

Never cheated on a BF, but I have been cheated on too many times to count.

One particularly horrible BF, I always suspected of cheating, but never could really catch him and in the mean time he used to make me feel like crap for even thinking it... But what is one supposed to think when a BF of three years starts taking YOU to restaurants out of town and at off hours???

Any who, one day I have to find him for some reason or another, his roommate tells me he's at the bowling alley... I find him there driving another girl's car, and surprisingly, I'm still not suspicious... He peels out and drives to his house... what the hell, I follow, but still not suspicious. He jumps out of the car telling me she's just a friend and he thought I would go crazy. Which I'm still not at this point. So he says we should talk about it the next morning. I'm still a little puzzled, but agree. I arive early with breakfast, his car is not there, but the same car from last night is... Now. Finally. The lightbulb has come on.

He answers the door, I push my way inside and find her nekkid in the bed. He leaves (to cheaters, never do that by the way, your house will be trashed when you return). She says she thought I was his "psycho ex-girlfriend." Looking quite psycho at the moment, my retort is... "Oh, I'm psycho alright, but NOT his ex-girlfriend."

We actually ended up having a good conversation about the b*st*rd while trashing his things. She proceeds to tell me he's basically slept with everyone under the sun including some of my close girl AND guy friends...

We both swear to dump him. I do. She doesn't.

I saw them together a few years later at a book store, looking all cozy.

Come to find out he got married one month later, to yet another girl. I feel horribly bad for the one he cheated on me with but wonder if the new wifey has a clue what a creep Erich was (and likely still is).

Worse thing for me was as I was crying on the phone to my sister about it that day, she says... "I know you're feeling bad about it now, but next time a friend of mine tells me about her boyfriend problems, do you mind if I use you as an example." [?!?! Can I NEVER catch a break !?!]

Sorry for the long post...

Anonymous said...

I caught my boyfriend in bed with his co-worker. I picked up a baseball bat (YEP) & destroyed his TV, stereo, computer, bookcase, mirrors, etc.
The girl locked herself in the bathroom. He was standing there naked with this look on his face (LOL) "she's CRAZY"
Yes, I was crazy! I was also pissed.
I went into his closet & threw a lot of his clothes out the door.
I tried to break open the bathroom door.
He called the police to get me out of there.
I heard the girl left the company after the incident. I heard she was terrified that I was going to go after her...hmmm...me? Why would she think that???

He never pressed charges. Snort.
The funny part was I never cried the whole time. I must have looked so crazy.

I guess I should be happy I never went to jail. I could only see that happening if I killed him.
He wasn't worth the kill.

Anonymous said...

Great. I'm going to be up all night again reading these. ;)

nate said...

@ ANON 1:06 - That is harsh, but I totally agree. Men and women who cheat on their significant others have no excuse, it's kinda sad really.

Having said that, I appreciate that everyone is sharing their stories because it is a valuable learning experience.

Anonymous said...

I was dated a guy for almost 4 years. At the beginning of the third year, I was out for drinks with a good friend of mine (who was a booty call years prior when we were both single), and I just wanted him so bad. We ended up sleeping together that night, and the next day met up again and got a hotel room. We carried on for about 4 months, and neither of our significant others were any the wiser. We are still great friends to this day and none of our mutual friends or our exes ever found out. My new man doesn't know either.

jagerlilly said...

Ah, catharsis. Yep, I've cheated - ALOT. Young and stupid is the only excuse I can give. My final affair was out of desperation. That one cost me my first marriage (all of my affairs - 4 - were during my first marriage). I did marry the guy and we just celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary, but - the hundred thousand dollar question - would I do it again? Probably not. Way too much pain, guilt and trauma.

Anonymous said...

I have been the other woman many times myself. I have also been cheated on, but no hurt feelings. There was this plain guy I had met at work. He charmed me, but he was also married. I was invited to his home and started an affair with his wife instead. His wife and I had a very loving relationship for about 1yr or so. She broke up with me and I was very hurt by this. Her husband though was still enamoured by me. I persauded him to leave her for me. They seperated and we have been married for a couple of years now. She is still very bitter about it and I can see why. She gives us so much hell whenever she can. She still spies on us and she remarried 2wks after we had. I'm not sure if she still loves him or me, but it's definetly one of us.

Anonymous said...

many spouses, unless in an open relationship, are territorial of others moving in on 'their' spouse. so i take it that this is were the hostility is coming from.

TerriAnn said...

Never cheated. I fantasized about it when in bad relationships, so you don't "need" to actually do it as a safety valve as someone said.

I have been cheated on. Even for revenge I didn't cheat.

I don't think cheating is cute nor funny. It's ALWAYS wrong. You are willfully hurting a person you don't even know (not to mention the kids if there are any). Why would you do that? Just for sex?

Sheesh, masturbate instead.

Anonymous said...

Cheaters never win. NEVER.

Cheating is the most selfish act a person can committ, and what goes around does come around.

Anonymous said...

I've had married men/men in relationship pursue me, without me knowing that they were in relationships. Never slept with them, but they really had me going and the emotional high was quite addicting. It is so unfair to the spouse and I feel horrible about even getting emotionally attached.

An ex-friend of mine met her current hubby online when he was married, as well. It was a forum for married people, and they both cheated on their spouses to be with each other. Shame on them. I fucking hate her for doing that, and also for living in a big old fucking house right now, as a stay at home mom. I hate cheaters who get away with shit.

Anonymous said...

Towards the end of my first marriage, I cheated on my husband with ...my boss. He had some people over to his house (he was recently divorced) one hot summer night and the drinks were flowing. Before we knew it we were the only ones left and I made a comment that he either needed to show me a guest room or call me a cab. He showed me a guest room. I thought it was to sleep it off, although we'd been flirting all night. Next thing I know, he whips my shirt up over my head, bra and all and my thought was, "oh, I guess we're going to have sex now!" And we did. And it was awesome.

It was a one time thing. I didn't feel bad for it then, and I don't feel bad for it now. My marriage was basically over by then. That was a few years back. I still work for the same man and no, we are not together. We work fine together, though, and although it was a little awkward for a short time, we just went on with life. Not worth ruining a good working relationship for one drunken roll in the hay. That was the one and only time I've ever cheated on anyone.

Anonymous said...

we were going thru a rough patch, he cheated & told me. i did it back to feel better...never told though. 8 yrs & the thought has never gone thru my mind since then

Anonymous said...

I walked in on my step-father having sex with my step-mother(yeah, do the math) while my mother was in hospital having surgery. I was 11 years old. Oh, and they made me go to school, and told me that if I told my mother and she she died from surgery, it would be my fault.

Total screwed up family. Thank God they have money to leave me.

Anonymous said...

Oh, wait, Anon at 1:31 with the boss affair here.

I seem to have forgotten that not only was I a cheater, I have recently become a cheatee. So I'm setting the record straight. After my split with my husband, I met my now ex-boyfriend. We lived together for about a year before I broke up with him.

He has since had two girlfriends and has cheated with me on both of them. Oops, kinda overlooked that the first time around. Well, I guess it's wrong of me to help him cheat, and he's the only person (that I know of) that I've done that with. But something in my head rationalizes that I had him first. It's a long story, but we still love each other and if certain circumstances on both ends that won't ever change were different, we'd be married by now. So I'm currently helping my ex cheat and it's the best sex of my life (and it was when we were together, too).

Anonymous said...

I was in a relationship with a married guy when I was engaged. I couldn't bring myself to have sex with him, because I felt too guilty.

It was very serious, and we both almost left our mates for each other. I wouldn't have done that if it wasn't serious. Flings are a dime a dozen.

I finally ended it. The wife knew something was wrong; she never found out about me, though. What killed it was when he said he didn't care how she or their kids felt. That really bothered me.

I also embarked on a 12 year, flirtation/heavy petting, very on-and-off thing with my brother-in-law that ended last year. Wife knew about it for years, but never did anything, and when it was discovered, made the most ridiculous scene ever.

I've learned a lot from this stuff, and I'm not going to bother with it ever again. I was very emotionally dissatisfied in my marriage (I'm still married), but affairs won't fix that.

Anonymous said...

Four years ago, at the end of my second marriage, which I knew was a mistake the day of the wedding 7 1/2 years earlier, I cheated on my now ex-husband. (He would have been an ex even if I hadn't cheated. It was a miserable, lonely, depressing relationship.) I was too chickenshit to leave for financial reasons, so I subconsciously used that to drive him away. Consciously I didn't want to be a single parent, trying to make it on my income, yadda yadda yadda. I held on to the marriage much longer than I should have. I didn't wake up one morning and decide cheating was the answer to all my problems, it just sort of happened, on a business trip. Then the opportunity to cheat with 'the other guy' kept presenting itself, and I didn't say no. I certainly didn't cheat for the sex, because this guy had the smallest winky I've ever seen on a grown man -- he was hung like a hamster, I tell ya! No, I did it for the fun, the companionship, the knowledge that someone actually wanted me. This guy made me laugh (not because of his size) and he made me feel alive again.

After my marriage broke up for good about a year later (and yes, it was ultimately because my ex found out about my affair which had already ended by then), I looked back on that period of time and I could not believe I turned into THAT person. I would NEVER, EVER do that to anyone ever again. Before this marriage, I couldn't understand how anyone could cheat on their significant other, but after I did it I knew exactly how it could happen. (I'm feeling sad now, just thinking about it again.)

I've been in a relationship for 2 1/2 years with the love of my life, and I've been completely honest about my past with my man. He's struggled with it, but every day I work to prove to him I'm not that person anymore. "Once a cheater, always a cheater" isn't always true, and it's certainly not in my case.

For those of you who want to flame those of us who have made mistakes, feel free. I've already flogged myself more than you ever could. But before you get all holier-than-thou, just realize it can happen to anyone. Even those of us who thought it never could.

Anonymous said...

I never have, and I can't imagine ever doing it. I think I'm too Catholic, and I would never be able to deal with the guilt.

I know someone who is in a terrible marriage. She has one child and is sleeping with her abusive husband's best friend. She won't leave her husband out of some wrong headed feeling that that is better for the boy, but meanwhile the poor kid knows about the cheating and I feel so awful for him having to cover up for his mom. I have no idea why she is the way she is but she introduced her husband's married brother to her own best friend and they're now having an affair. Not only has she encouraged her best friend in this affair, but she invited herself and her best friend over to her brother-in-law's for dinner so that her best friend could meet her lover's wife. It's awful. The whole thing makes me want to take a shower.

Anonymous said...

I was dating this guy for about 6 months when his brother introduced me to his wife. I never had a clue that he was married and ended it instantly.

Anonymous said...

I hate cheaters who get away with shit.

Me too, but remember karma will eventually slap them in the face.

I've never cheated and never will. A former friend of mine, whom I lost all respect for, had an affair with a married man and then married him when he got a divorce. Now she's having a fit because she just found out he's cheating on her. I laugh.

I wish nothing less on all the cheaters out there. May they all be cheated on.

Anonymous said...

yes, i have cheated on my bf at that time...he was 3k miles away...and i'm sure doing the same thing i was...

if you're doing it...more than likely they're doing it too...

however, i no longer cheat i simply tell the truth, no matter who's feelings get hurt. i was cheating myself more than anyone else during that time....

Anonymous said...

i'm loving at these excuses...i find it HILARIOUS!!! The mind will make up any excuse so the ego will be in charge....LMAO!!!

we cheat because we are not happy.

and happiness is not found in a person....it is a state of mind..."be"ing happy.

Anonymous said...

Thirty-seven years ago, my fiance cheated on me with a girl who was hit every self-doubt button in my body, three weeks before the wedding.

I ran away to another city, to stay with an old friend. She introduced me to a guy who had recently been dumped in a similar way about two hours after I arrived.

We married six months later - it's the best mistake I never made, and has been, for 37 years. I adore him, and he me.

Here's the GOOD part - ex-fiance begged forgiveness on his knees, and never got over me. He married girl nearly identical to the one he cheated on me with, and she tossed him - using his unrequited love for yours truly as one of the reasons.

Anonymous said...

Anon @ 1:27, this is Anon @1:41...

I beg to differ. Despite making the biggest mistake of my life, I won. I got the wonderful relationship I've been wanting all my life, my kids are growing up happy and healthy, I make good money, have a stable job, and I'm digging myself out of the debt my ex saddled me with in the divorce. MY life is GREAT!

My ex, on the other hand, has filed bankruptcy, the house we once owned went into foreclosure, and he recently was "laid off" from his job (which in this case is a euphemism for fired). He's in a relationship with someone and it's EXACTLY like our marriage was - loveless, sexless and lifeless. (Yea, he's given TMI and has told me what his relationship is like.)

So unfortunately, you can't tell me cheaters never win. Sorry. :)

I think how you come out of it on the other side really depends on what you think about what you did. I had guilt and regret and 4 years of soul-searching to figure myself out before my new man came along.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
all you dumb whores have serious emotional issues. go to a therapist instead of someone's spouse.

You got that right. Have some fucking self respect. I hope you find the man of your dreams and he cheats on you. Repeatedly. there is nothing to be proud for fucking another woman's husband, no matter 'how bad the marriage is' according to the married man inside you.
Pathetic.

i am completly disgusted. and no, i have never cheated. i actually believe i have some self worth.

Anonymous said...

I cheated my ass off during a long-term, live-in relationship with a younger guy. After a couple of years he never wanted to have sex, but we had a great friendship and home life together, I guess you'd call it.

Most men found me quite attractive, or I suppose they just hoped I was easy, whatever! I tried to be good but every now and then I had to have some sex. Gave me lots of guilt, actually.

I broke up finally after 8.5 years when I fell for a f*ck buddy. Which was thankfully short lived, but it got me away from the asexual hermit monk I'd been with for so long...

Funny part is after I left, we had split all our stuff including pets, felt it was all my fault, got very depressed, seeing a doctor, down to 103 lbs., not taking care of myself--not til THEN did he confess to having fooled around that whole time himself.

Little f*cker.

Now I'm married to an older but horny as hell, REAL man who wants it 24/7 and loves me. We've been together 7 yrs and married the last 2.

Anonymous said...

1:54 who is also 1:41 - the guy you're with now is cheating on you right now. NOW THAT'S KARMA!!

Anonymous said...

...me again. Meant to add that HELL NO I've never cheated on horny new hubby because I'd never need to.

Now, he WOULD let me bring another woman home If I wanted to...but that would be HIS treat, not like me cheating on him.

Anonymous said...

Anon@12:46

3 words about your husband.

What. An. Asshole.

Anonymous said...

My friend Julie recently celebrated her wedding and I feel ashamed for going. I felt it was a fraud because she used to cheat on hubby with a cop whose wife just had a baby and was suffering from post partum depression. Poor cop just had to have a girl on the side to relieve the stress of his wife having ppd. I hate pigs like that, and no, I don't mean in a 'cop' way.

Anonymous said...

i cheated on my ex-husband with a guy we knew. much younger than me, danish and very appealing. we started meeting once a week for sex and a shower and it was actually a lot of fun.
but i knew from the first time it happened, my marriage was over. i never would have done such a thing if i'd planned to stay. 8 months after it began, i moved out of my husband's home and got my own place. saw this guy for a little bit but it was never about him. i just stumbled into him on my way out. my ex never found out, as far as i know.

Anonymous said...

I have never cheated and never even had desire to. My sister on the other has cheated on her husband throughout their marriage. I'm not sure if he has cheated on her, as I really don't want to know. My sister saw nothing wrong with John Edwards affair and thought the media was being cruel to him. She thinks 85% of people cheat and the ones that don't are too ugly to find anyone to cheat with. Yea, we don't get along very well.

Anonymous said...

My ex-partner (gay male relationship) cheated on me, we went to couples therapy, thought we got over it, caught him again. We stayed together for another 2 years but during that time I revenge cheated on him repeatedly. I hadn't ever cheated before. I cheated all the time, nost often with married closeted men. I guess I figured they'd be more discreet. Anyway, he never found out and I broke up with him. I've never really felt guilty. All that work to get over the first cheating only to have him do it again. I still don't feel guilty.

Anonymous said...

Anon@ 1:11

AWESOME ;)

Summer said...

When I was in my early 20's I had a bisexual boyfriend who started dating a guy while he was seeing me, and he broke up with me to be with him. He moved into a beach house with his new boyfriend, and during the summer he invited me over for a long weekend to meet the new bf so we could all make peace and be comfortable with each other and the situation. I have to mention, the new bf was gay..he had never been with a woman, only men, and it was a strange thing seeing them together and me as the third wheel, but we all got along.

You can imagine my surprise the second night when I was woken up in my room around 2 am by the gay bf, who asked me if I wanted to go on a walk with him. Don't ask me how but we ended up fucking on the beach like that scene in "From Here to Eternity." Afterwards we snuck back into the house, him to the master bedroom he shared and me to the guest room. The (bi) bf was still sleeping and never knew we were gone.

The (gay) bf and I ended up having a lot of sex on the sly all summer. He told me he never knew sex with women could be so much fun, it was a totally new thing for him. The bisexual former bf eventually found out and he was mad at first, but what could he say, since he had basically been cheating on both of us in the beginning anyway. Last I heard, my bi bf went on to someone else and the gay bf went back to being gay. Being the first and only female he had sex with, I don't know if it's a compliment or not! This affair is something I'll always remember.

Little Red Leo said...

http://www.yahbon.com/albums/userpics/10003/normal_cheating_husband.jpg

hee hee, I'd do a lil more than that

Anonymous said...

LOL @ LittleRedLeo

you win :)

Anonymous said...

Years ago, the hubby and I were going through a rough patch of no sex. He was battling depression and some other emotional demons but refused to get help.
After a year of zero sex and very little intimacy we had a calm adult conversation where I told him, "I love you, I am spending the rest of my life with you and we will get through this patch. However, withholding sex and intimacy was not part of the deal when I said 'I do' and if you can't provide me with the intamacy that I crave then I will be forced to go outside the marriage to fulfill this base need."
He didn't like it and asked me not too, but couldn't hold up his end (so to speak) so I found a meaningless guy to fool around with. I had no emotional connection with the stand-in and ended things pretty soon after they started.

Hubby and I are going strong and are completely back on track and stronger than ever.

I agree that serial cheating is kind of skanky, but not all cheating is hateful and evil. Every other part of my marriage was great, but it was being slowly eroded by his depression and lack of 'attentiveness'.

'Cheating' saved our marriage - stand-in was able fill a need where my husband was unable to - it helped me stick-it-out a little longer. Which happened to be long enough for hubby to get healthy again.

Summer said...

Oops I left off the last part. I meant to say that this affair is something I'll always remember because I still have yet to figure out who was cheating on who, LOL.

Anonymous said...

I have been with my husband for over 20 years.
Gotta say, I love him as much now as I did the day we met. Never thought once about cheating on him.
He is smart, funny, handsome, thoughtful, he will rub my feet, never complains about my bad cooking, and makes my heart skip a beat every time I see him.


Counting my lucky stars.

Anonymous said...

Love how its supposed to be confession time and half the posters show up to talk about how they never cheat and never would and anyone and everyone who does is awful. I don't recall passing judgment on others being on today's confession topic but good for you that you get the ego boost of one-upping complete strangers.

Anonymous said...

TerriAnn said...I don't think cheating is cute nor funny. It's ALWAYS wrong. You are willfully hurting a person you don't even know (not to mention the kids if there are any). Why would you do that? Just for sex?

Sheesh, masturbate instead.

You are great - perfect comment. Obviously, I am of the non-cheating persuasion.

Anonymous said...

2:15, one-upping complete strangers on the www is half the fun and the best part is that you get to stay anonymous, too :)

melissa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

"I hate all you cheaters because someone cheated on me so I am going to whine like a child!"

Anonymous said...

2:18 - nice try, but no.

Nobody cheated on me and I've never cheated, but I still have no respect for people who do cheat.

You can call it sour grapes, but I'll call it having morals.

I'm with those who hope you cheaters learn a lesson by being cheated on by someone you really love. You deserve nothing less!

Chickenshit said...

LOL, 2:15. And right on.

Anonymous said...

i've cheated on every boyfriend i've ever had, but i've only ever had two. the love of my life was the only man i didn't cheat on and wouldn't even consider it. i was so incredibly jealous of any woman he even talked to.

just this past monday, i remembered *why* i've been cheating and what i've been missing. some of the best sex i've had in YEARS. yeah, i've been seeing guys since we have been married (7 years) and even before that. maybe i'd forgotten how awesome sex can be with someone i'm wildly attracted to ... and it seemed to release some kind of old guilt. i've been grateful for the guilt and have taken a couple of days (well, all week, now that it's friday) to deal with it.

but what am i going to do? compartmentalize the guilt, make excuses, whatever i have to do to get the sex back. at least, that's what i think right now. i was so nervous around the guy the other day that i don't know if he is going to be worth it.

i'm looking for the perfect sex companion, someone who isn't my husband, to whom i'm not attracted in the least and never have been. he's not attracted to me, and we don't have sex. yeah, i'm in therapy for this. he doesn't seem to realize there's a problem. (am i blaming this on him? no, i'm not. i know this is my issue as well.)

so every once in a while, this comes up in my life, and i go have my little adventure, get laid, and get over it. am i proud of it? absolutely not. am i terrified that he'll find out? yeah, i am. do i feel guilty? you betcha. but guilty enough to stop doing it? not right now - i'm not strong enough and not ashamed to admit it.

he just walked in the door as i posted this.

Anonymous said...

Hey EL how about we change today's topic to, "Let's discuss how awful cheaters are and how morally superior we are!"

Anonymous said...

I feel like I'm in the confessional...

I was in married to my husband for 11 years. During this time, I was told by many of his friends that, while he was away on business trips, he would get "special haircuts" which involved a bj a the end. I don't know why, but it didn't disturb me as much as when I was then told that he was cheating on me. Also by these so-called friends. When I brought it up to him, it was always denied; meanwhile, he became more distant both mentally and physically from me.

At work, there was a pretty boy that paid attention to me... found out later he paid attention to all the ladies. But I did begin an affair with him, looking for affection and someone to acknowledge me until my husband would. I was like a schoolgirl until the affair ended (he moved onto his next conquest), and I tried to glue the marriage back together but couldn't... Rather then continue the pain, I left him about 6 months later.

Do I regret the affair?
No
Why?
Because it showed me that I was desirable and got me out of a marriage that probably would have destroyed me.

Wow, that was some tough stuff to write and admit... for the first time almost 8 years later.

Anonymous said...

Well bravo for you 2:21 why don't you go pat yourself on the back in the mirror to get the full effect. Watch your step as you descend from your throne.

Anonymous said...

I cheated because I was young and in my first long-term relationship. We were long-distance at the time and he was acting differently. Had never been with anyone else. I later found out he was cheating on me with a fourteen year old, which I found out from his prison letters.
The guy I cheated with told me he was separated from his wife and I believed him, so i was the other woman.
My karma was quite quick, and yes, this sucked.

Anonymous said...

@2:21 Hmm and while we're on the subject of morality and everything, I don't know that you should be feeling too high and mighty just yet. Wishing that someone is cheated on, because they've done that to someone else...well that's just petty and nasty.

Anonymous said...

I could never cheat on my husband, not even with Daniel Craig. I love my husband so much and could never hurt him or disrespect him. If it were anyone else and I was tempted, I would break it off before cheating. I've seen too much how painful cheating is.

My dad cheated on my mom when I was in high school. It crushed my mom, made me hate him and forever changed his relationship with his kids. He pays for that affair every day even though my mom took him back. I have forgiven him but he flogs himself and my sister and brother don't like him or respect him and never will.

My brother-in-law cheated on his wife and they had 4 kids under the age of 7. She is a miserable nasty person but that was one of the cruelest things that I have ever witnessed someone go through. They had a nasty divorce and her life's mission is to make him pay for the affair forever. She manipulates the kids to hate him and confuses them terribly. I can see why he would divorce her but the affair was not the way to do it. He is still with the woman he cheated on his wife with - she is nothing like the ex. Sometimes, given my family history it is difficult to like her but I really try.

Please consider others before you cheat. The pain you cause is awful and it isn't only to families but yourself, too. I can see how the temptation can be overwhelming if you are in a bad relationship but you will be able to live with yourself easier if you make a clean break first.

Anonymous said...

I am one of the have not and will nots, but that doesn't mean I can't understand how it happens.

Anonymous said...

Cheating isn't nasty? Who knew?!

Anonymous said...

No- I have never cheated. But I can understand why some of you have... Life isn't straight and narrow and yes, in most times I think all parties concerned get hurt.

The closest I have become to being another woman is a long time ago (13 yrs +) before my marriage and basically, I was a booty call for this guy who I knew for a long time. I thought we were both single but later on I found out he had a girlfriend and yes, I was made out to be the homewrecking tramp!

Personally, I think I did the girl a favour even though I didn't mean to and I was basically forced to move on. Which was a good thing, since I met my hubby and we have been together 10yrs+...

Yes, there have been times in our relationship where I could have cheated ( and once when I was accused by his family which wasn't true... They now have NOTHING to do with our family) but I just took that to be warning signs that we needed a discussion on things. Our relationship isn't perfect, but it is good, and we do try to work most things out...

Anyway, I wish all you guys the best!

Anonymous said...

I cheated on my ex. Twice I almost got caught because he came to my apartment literally minutes after the guy I was cheating with left. I'm still not sure if they crossed paths. I cheated with his friends, with strangers, with another woman...I used to be a little slut.

Anonymous said...

I'M READY FOR THE PICS AND BLIND ITEMS!!!

Anonymous said...

Re: "No offense, but you already are a homewrecker. She might know, she might not, but I think you are just a selfish person. You love her to bits? Please! If you had any kind feeling towards that woman, you wouldn't be sleeping with HER man."

Homewrecker here. I can't justify my actions, like I said. I am a very selfish person for doing what I do. There is no justification. But that doesn't mean I don't love them both. She is wonderful and it would break her to know what he's like. And I wish I could promise I would keep my hands off him in the future but it's never as easy as that. And, for the record, he pursued me. He initiated the sexual relationship and he always the initiator these days. Again, that's not a justification for either of our actions.

This is going to sound bullshit cop-out to everyone but knowing him has made me realize that people are capable of loving more than one person at a time. It's not his fault that she is hardwired to be monogamous and he's not. I know I shouldn't be involved with him but the relationship he and I have simply doesn't have anything to do with her. Again, I know that sounds totally unbelievable but I can't explain it any better than that.

Karma has bitchslapped me mightily for it, too. I've been cheated on by other boyfriends and physically abused by others. I went through years of disgusting amounts of guilt and suicidal thoughts and attempts. I hated myself because of it, I hated him for pursuing me in the first place, and I hated him for not breaking up with her. Eventually, though, I had to give up the guilt because it would have killed me. I put up with so much garbage from men because I think I deserve it. And I do.

I'm not trying to justify anything I've done. But it's just not always as simple as saying cheaters are evil people.

Anonymous said...

Damn this is a 'hot button' topic. Why do I love drama (not creating it, but reading about it)?

Anonymous said...

Married 3 months and the husband decides I'm a "nympho" and starts to withhold sex. After eight months of nothing I ask if he is having an affair. He answers in the negative. We're in our 40's so I just assume his libido is shot. We begin having intimate relations, very infrequently, but I don't stray. I'm faithful, four years pass, but physically something doesn't feel right. Go to the Dr. Yes, I now have an STD. Confront husband. He denies, denies, denies.
Give him his prescription. I finish my medication and go for another test to make sure I'm clean. Find a strapping young man and have hot monkey sex like I used to with the husband. File for divorce.

Anonymous said...

2:38, that sounds like a mastercard ad :)

Man O War said...

Anonymous 2:15 said...Love how its supposed to be confession time and half the posters show up to talk about how they never cheat and never would and anyone and everyone who does is awful. I don't recall passing judgment on others being on today's confession topic but good for you that you get the ego boost of one-upping complete strangers.

Anonymous 2:22 said...Hey EL how about we change today's topic to, "Let's discuss how awful cheaters are and how morally superior we are!"


EXACTLY, ITA 2:15 and 2:22. EL never said the topic was about passing judgments, it's about confessions: Today the topic is have you ever cheated? Have you ever wanted to cheat? With whom did you cheat? Were you caught? Are you still together?. So people, get off your high horses because when that horse bucks you off - and it will happen eventually, believe me - it's going to be a long, painful fall.

nate said...

Yeah ANON 2:35.. you should not have even posted that last bit. If you love both of them, why don't you tell her the benefits of a 3-way relationship using powerpoint and other visuals. Hopefully, she'll find it humorous.

Anonymous said...

Nope, never cheated. Got married later in life and realized this is as good as it gets.

Maybe lots of bad-dating years helped make me more appreciative of stability....Boring is good!

Anonymous said...

My story about cheating is a litle different. I've never cheated on anybody. Sure, I've been tempted, but I've never acted on it. Maybe because I know how it feels.

Ten years ago, the summer before my senior year in college, I started dating my first serious boyfriend. We had been friends for a long time beforehand so we knew each other pretty well. The girl he had dated before me had a lot of emotional problems and was very attached to him. He wasn't looking forward to telling her that he had started dating someone else. We had been dating about six weeks by the time school started and she came back to town. Within days, she was dead. One night, she went back to her room, swallowed all of her sleeping pills, laid down on the bed and went to sleep. (ironically, the same night we were having sex for the first time. And it was MY first time.) I was horrified and devastated. My boyfriend told me that she had killed herself because she was upset that I had started dating him. It took me years to get over the guilt. He was always very supportive -- sort of. He was all, okay, maybe it *was* because of you, but you shouldn't feel bad about that.

Four years later (six months after we had finally broken up), I discovered something. We still hung out at the time, and he had asked me to search for an old email on his computer, one that had some instructions he was looking for. I was having a hard time finding the instructions, but I did find something else.

One of them was an email to another ex-girlfriend of his that he had written on the one-year anniversary of the girl's death (while we were still together.) In it he confessed that the real reason she had killed herself was not, in fact, what he had told me at all. It wasn't because of me, or the fact that I was dating him. It was because he had slept with her the night before and she was upset when he didn't come back. You know, because he was off taking my virginity. Apparently she left a suicide note that was so vitriolic her parents refused to show it to him. They begged my boyfriend to tell them why she had been so upset, but he refused to talk to them.

The bottom fell out of my world that day. I could not believe he knowingly led me to feel responsible for four years in order to assuage his own guilt about cheating on me. He let me think that I was responsible for someone's SUICIDE. All because it was easier than owning up to his mistake. All because he cheated.

I have never gotten over it. Sure, I've made my peace with the situation. But if it's possible I feel even more protective towards her now than I did when I thought it was my fault. He did this to both of us. And he left her parents searching for an answer, believing their daughter went off the deep end when in reality somebody pushed her.

This past summer I happened to be passing through -- for the first time -- the state she grew up in. My fiance and I drove three hours out of our way to her hometown to visit the cemetery. And I finally got to meet her. I brought some flowers, and I left a note for her parents, and I said the things that I had always wished I could say.

I think about her every day. But I think it's safe to say that she and I are both at peace now. The boyfriend, however, is another story. And the kicker? If you ask him about it now, he feigns a mental condition and insists he has no recollection of what he did to me.

I hope he rots in hell.

Anonymous said...

I would never cheat on my current husband. This is the real thing 13 years.
I had a 4 year affair with my high school sports coach. He was 21 years older than me. It started when I was married to my 1st husband and I was 21. I had known him well since I was 12.
He was married with 2 kids and strung me along long after I left my husband (he was a loser anyway - still is). He kept telling me to hang in there. I was trapped emotionally. I finally managed to break free after his wife bought a gun and threatened me. (Really awkward as we live in Mayberry RFD)

He never left his wife. I still see them occasionally. My family hates him. His wife hates me.
Oddly we are still friends all these years later.

I think he probably manipulated me, but there was genuine love under all those feelings. It should have remained a friendship.

I don't feel bad about his wife. I did not marry her - I did not promise her anything. It was not MY vow to keep or break. It is important to remember to blame the cheater.

Anonymous said...

@2:35, I would not say you're evil. And not making a moral judgment but in reply to your statement that people can love more than one person at a time, and it's not his fault that his gf is hardwired for monogamy, true, however, he can help staying with her when he knows this is true. It's not fair to her. It's not. Nothing can make that okay. Nothing. And to continue with what makes him happy all the while knowing that this would hurt her? Isn't fair and isn't right. He can't help feeling the way he does. He can help patronizing her while doing something he knows would hurt her if she knew.

nancer said...

just reading all these and i think this is a GREAT topic.
i do, however, agree that the judgment is unnecessary. why do people feel the need to break their arms patting themselves on the back for being so superior to those who cheated?
shit, nobody's perfect. we all make mistakes. lighten up, dickwads.

Anonymous said...

never, ever cheated nor been cheated on (that I know of)

Anonymous said...

2:38 I have a lot of respect for you because you did the important thing and got out of the marriage.

I don't think cheaters are evil, I think they're fucked up and selfish.

Heather said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

The juice isn't worth the squeeze.

Anonymous said...

2:38 Here

Really came off my high-horse after that marriage, when I realized how destructive living in a loveless relationship could be. Got my self-esteem back by being desired. Gave me the strength to move on.
I'll never know if the ex-hubby truly cheated, so I'll always be the "bad" one that ended the relationship. And he was PISSED. Wish divorce was priceless LOL!

Anonymous said...

I was cheated on by my long-distance boyfriend of 2 years, who denied anything funny was "going on" despite the fact that he had f'd a stranger, gotten her pregnant and married her - all without telling me, because it "had nothing to do with" me. During our third year, he played the hot/cold game and flat-out lied to me often but kept telling me his distant behavior was due to job and $ stress. He had the balls to make me feel bad for wanting to see him because he was 'so stressed out' - not cause he was married. Uh huh. When I discovered the truth and confronted him, it was vindicating (I KNEW something was going on!) but I can't adequately describe how broken-hearted and disgusted I was by someone I had loved and respected, who turned out to be such a filthy liar.

On top of that, I was mortified that for over a year, the person I knew as my boyfriend was also someone else's husband. *I* was the one who felt like I was in the wrong for calling someone else's husband (even though I totally didn't know) even though I was totally clueless, and realistically she probably knew he had a girlfriend at the time they met & went home together.

The excuses he gave were so inadequate and even if he did "hate himself" and "wish we were together" instead of him being "stuck" with his baby-mama, NONE of it made up for the suffering he put on me.

I don't know firsthand how cheating on someone feels since I've never done it, but I can promise you that being cheated ON by someone you love is a mindfuck. Betrayal is not an easy thing to get beyond.

My consolation (and it is a big one) is that my options are wide open; my love stories are still in the future, and he wasn't my One Who Got Away, but I think that's what he views me as. As he told it, his life with the cheat-ee is about endurance...he has to endure it. How pleasant. I'd pity him more if he hadn't hurt me so much.

Anonymous said...

2:38 (2:59)

- Is he or was he a trucker? Because some aquaintances have mentionned to me that they got std from toilet seats (haha) or that they touched their hiney with greasy hands when they were pissing on the side of the cab.

I sh*t you not, I've heard those excuses before. The funniest thing is when dopey wifey believes it even though she KNOWS that you can't catch an std from a toilet seat.

Anonymous said...

I've cheated more than I would ever admit to anyone, not a therapist or best friend, NOBODY will ever know. I always did it when I was lonely and feeling neglected, and in retaliation (after a boyfriend cheated first), so I felt justified at the time, but now I realize that isn't a good excuse.

The one thing I would never do is have sex or make out with a guy who already had a girlfriend/wife. If he's in a relationship I run the other way, attached men are off-limits.

My cheating days are over, I'll never do it again. I last cheated 14 years ago so I feel confident I can stick to that promise I made to myself.

Anonymous said...

This is sort of a long story. When I was pregnant with my second daughter my husband cheated on me. It was also just a couple of months after we got married.

An ex girlfriend who had cheated on him and hurt him was with some mutual friends when he was out one night. He proceeded to kiss her and feel her up and basically just put the moves on her to get her to beg him to take her back. He then put his wedding ring on in her face and told her that he was married and that he would never leave his wife for a slut.
Though I am his wife I thought that was so cruel to treat her that way. He confessed all of this when he texting a friend about how he has never "really" cheated. I actually made him apologize to her. Trust was still broken so we had to go to therapy. Though I have never cheated and have been cheated on I don't think people should post all of these cruel and mean comments.

Anonymous said...

I haven't ever cheated, but I have been cheated on. I agree with 3:02, it was a total mindfuck and something you don't get over easily.

Cheating is bad news.

Anonymous said...

The funniest thing is when dopey wifey believes it...

Maybe she's dopey because she's giving her husband the benefit of the doubt instead of wondering if he's fooling around with some immoral skank.

Anonymous said...

Someone very wise once said the opposite of love is indifference.

I've never cheated and believe it is morally wrong, but towards the end of my marriage, my ex was so indifferent to me and so distant, that I completely understood the reason why some people cheat.

Now, I do think some people cheat because they are selfish assholes, but I can understand how a bad marriage with a spouse who is unsupportive and unwilling to work things out can drive someone to cheat and effectively end their marriage.

Anonymous said...

I met my husband when I was 18 on my first day of college (he was a year older). He was my third boyfriend. We have been together ever since. I just turned 30. We have spent, since the beginning, months apart (totaling YEARS if added up). We were each others first. Neither of us has ever cheated. And that has never even been an issue (in terms of worrying if the other will) in all the time we have been together. But, if he ever did it would break my world and I don't know if I would ever recover. I think it would be the same for him.

Anonymous said...

Married for 14 years. My husband married his first wife straight out of High School then found her in bed with one of his employees. Because of that he promised that he would let me know if he ever felt the urge to cheat. 3 kids later we are going through a divorce because he found some one who "understands the preassure he deals with at work". Wanker. Gilly, the other woman, is also married with kids. She works with her husband and they both work with mine. If anyone finds out who he was with, he gets sacked and there goes child support. Again, Wanker.

My oldest daughter overheard them talking and asked me if she was going to have a new brother (Gilly's son). Cheating involves the families and has far reaching consequences. There is never a valid reason for being unfaithful.

Anonymous said...

I've been cheated on...destroyed me. I hate cheaters and those who go along with them knowing they're with someone else. It's bullshit.

Anonymous said...

I think all the "cruel and mean" comments mentioned above show how much of a touchy issue this is. For every cheater, there is a cheatee.

Anonymous said...

I didn't cheat, but my husband did. He left me for the girl he was cheating with. 2yrs later, WE started sleeping together regularly. For 7 yrs we had the hottest BEST SEX EVER, even while she was pregnant, ah, sweet revenge. He finally, after much pressure from her, married her after being with her for over 8 yrs, and I ended it just before the wedding. He called me 2 wks before to have me once more, because he knew I don't sleep with married men, but I said no. *Sigh* I still miss the sex, but I don't miss being married to him. Oh, BTW, today is their son's 6th birthday...I'll sign this Anonymous somewhere near Tampa, FL. Happy b-day Nate.

Anonymous said...

2:38 again -

nope, soooo not a trucker. Slick salesman that had me questioning my sanity.
I love him, I miss him, but I didn't trust him. We did have counseling during the separation to see if things could be patched up, but there was too much hurt on both sides.
And we all have the right to be loved the way we need to be loved.

Anonymous said...

I've never cheated on any boyfriend/husband that I ever had in my life. Even stupid high school boyfriends. Never. If I ever had the urge to cheat, I knew it was time to move on.

I have been the other woman in two relationships that both lasted years. Both of these men are still married and both of their wives found out about the cheating. They both were surprised when I told them that if I were their wife and they cheated on me, I'd kick them to the curb with a quickness. Funny thing is that they both commented that indeed that fact influenced their decision not to leave their wives. Point being, they would cheat no matter what and it has nothing to do with the woman involved. People who say that people should have enough decency to stay away from a married person and they are scum of the earth-homewrecker-whatever I have to ask this: Who took the vows? The two people in that marriage are the ones who are responsible for being faithful to their spouse. No one is putting a gun to their head. The girl(or guy) didn't screw with your relationship-your spouse did. Place the blame where it needs to go--on the cheating fuck in the relationship. Society is not responsible to police your morality.
I'm too old to put up with that bullshit today. I'd never marry anyone that cheated on someone to be with me-girlfriend or wife. I'd never be able to trust them. Fine for a romp in the hay but nothing serious. I couldn't deal with a physical infidelity let alone an emotional one. (emotional being worse in my eyes)
People cheat for all sorts of reasons. What is sad is that they don't stop, think and figure out why their eye is wandering before doing the damage. You can't unring a bell. Personally, I don't get why people put their relationships to risk like that but I don't have to walk in their shoes either. I'd be paranoid as all hell and I couldn't hide that shit for long.
Oh and one other thing---if you do cheat-like a slip up on a business trip or something like that- don't go admitting that shit to your significant other. You aren't doing them any favors by dragging them into your guilt and regrets. You are just hurting them further to ease your own guilt. You get it off your chest and throw it right on their heart.

Anonymous said...

Fuck the comments. There is nothing crueler and meaner than having an affair. It's never okay. Period.

Anonymous said...

Not cheating isn't being morally superior, it's about being strong enough not to do something that you know is wrong, all shitty relationship excuses aside.


I have a lot of respect for the people above who actually acknowledged how much they might have hurt other people through their cheating.

Anonymous said...

This is a perfect time for some bloggers to post answers to some blind items without consequence.

Anonymous said...

I haven't cheated myself but I have been cheated on and it sucked. However, I had a friend who dated a married man for several years even moving halfway across the country when he did, to stay near him. It was awful to see the anguish she went through being "the other woman". One morning, I got a call from a mutual friend saying she had killed herself the night before. She couldn't take it anymore.

Miranda said...

Glad to see the Morality Police out in full force today!

I've been both a cheater and a cheatee. Both suck. I cheated because the relationship was dead and I went looking for attention before doing the right thing and ending the relationship. I was immature and I fucked up. I know not to do that now.

Funnily enough, one of the exes who cheated on me ... it was weird. I was mad for about half an hour, then shrugged it off, said I was okay with it, then took him back. I was not so kind to the other one who cheated on me. He was kicked to the curb.

I got to admit, based on personal experience (and some of the stuff in this thread), cheating, while it can be terribly hurtful (especially if you're married and/or children are involved), isn't a black and white issue. But I'm not here to pass judgment ;) More confessions please!

Where's FFF?????? said...

TOTALLY OFF TOPIC (kinda sorta!) but does anyone know whatever happened to Full Frontal Fridays?

Anonymous said...

First boyfriend cheated on me all the time. Twice in front of my face. When I would leave him he swore I was seeing things, and I always took him back. After all that he dumped me. I was the other woman after that in several relationships. They weren't marriages, and I figured better the girl find out now he's a cheat. My next 2 boyfriends cheated on me too, but I never cheated on them. Maybe it was karma.

Harriet Hellfire said...

No. The answer is no. I have never cheated. I don't know...if I found out that my husband had fucked someone else, I don't even think I could be held responsible for my actions. It would be so incredibly heartbreaking and humiliating. And that is why I don't cheat - because I could NEVER do that to HIM.

I have zero compassion for cheaters and homewreckers. At the same time I realize that people do make mistakes, and if you are able to learn from them and move on as a better person, then good for you. But I know girls who repeatedly sleep with guys who are in relationships/ marriages.
They are holes. That is it. THEY think they have the power, but that's not true. Oh, and SURPRISE!!! THEY ALL HAVE DADDY ISSUES!!!

*LOL*

I knew I couldn't post this anonymously because you would all know who I was or think I was jax...*L*

bionic bunny! said...

@anon 12:37:
kmet as in dr. demento?

Anonymous said...

When I was single, I had an affair with a married co-worker. His wife was the daughter of a high-ranking member of their church. She was taught by her own mother that sex was bad and its only purpose was for procreation. She gave up sex after the birth of their last child. In their 15 years together, they only had sex about 2 times a year at most, if they even had it all that year. Amazing how they ever managed to conceive.

Anyways, pictures of him and his wife always showed them sitting at least a foot apart. His phone calls to her were always his being annoyed with her. They had a loveless marriage, but he loved his kids. He initiated our affair. I never wanted to run away and marry him: I didn't fit in his WASP-y world. It was all about the sex, what his wife didn't think she had to give him, now that she got the kids she's always wanted.

I never thought I would ever cheat, especially since my ex-boyfriend at the time had cheated on me before I met this guy.

His wife never found out; they actually moved to another state and we ended it once they did.

Here is my reverse morality criticism:
So if any you think that your sex life is perfectly fine (fewer than several times a month), your partner might be cheating on you and you won't even know it. Expecting him/her to accept that you don't want/need sex any more as part of your marriage: Good luck with your partner keeping up his/her end of the bargain.

Kudos to those of you who manage to keep sex in your marriage (at least several times A WEEK) many years/decades later and remain faithful. Those of you who say otherwise and claim that your marriage is perfect regardless: Innocent friendships can and do bloom into something more.

Anonymous said...

I left the message a couple of weeks ago about cheating with the (not married but living with someone) boss...

First off, I am divorced and have never cheated on a partner, before or during my marriage. Since I have been involved with the boss, everytime I have started to "date" someone I stopped seeing him...though no doubt the he is a huge distraction and is waiting in the wings licking his chops has assured the demise of all other relationships..

I do realize how much I am hurting someone else....here is the kicker....they were both cheating on their x spouses with each other...got caught....each left their partners and now they are together....kids involved on both sides so it is ugly.

When i first started with him (first week on the job....how dumb) I thought he was single...not so...should have ended it then but did not...

I don't think he wants to be faithful to anyone...claims he is not hardwired that way....says he is slightly psychotic...living in multiple "realities"....he is brilliant....but full of shit i think...

Despite it being the best sex i have ever had in my life....and the fact that i really did fall for him....he is a selfish man who i know i could never trust even if he did belong to me...

I feel enormous guilt, even though some would say this woman is only getting back what she got, I am getting therapy and trying to forgive myself, regroup and move on.

The good news it that I finally have ended it...it has been over 3 months since I told him to contact me only professionally....the even better news is that I still have my job....though it is uncomfortable many days...

sorry for the long post....

Judi said...

Since I've been married, no.
35 years ago, I cheated once on a boyfriend. He never found out. Few years after that, I was with a married man for 2 months. Sure, boyfriends I've had cheated on me, too. I didn't care - none of the relationships were serious.

Anonymous said...

Sorry, but act like a worthless whore, get JUDGED and treated like one.

Get over your own pathetic excuses about why you did it and be accountable for your actions.

What I find most disgusting is the women practically patting THEMSELVES on the back for "having the best sex of their lives!" with someone else's husband or boyfriend.

You're gross and karma has a special treat for you.

What pathetic excuses for women.

Oh and I'm not on my high horse, I've done plenty to save me a seat in hell.
Fucking another person's spouse isn't one of them. I have self respect and control.

Go work out your Daddy issues in therapy and stay off my husband.

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately I did once...it was my first "real" boyfriend in my freshman year of college. I cheated on him with a few different people. He refused to have sex with me and I felt like it was my fault...it was just so strange I can't even put it into words. We were becoming more like friends at that point anyways. After sleeping with 3 people while still with him, he broke up with me. As far as I know, he doesn't know that I cheated, but maybe someone told him and he was too afraid to confront me about it.

Now I am afraid that is going to bite me in the butt...my current boyfriend (long distance relationship) that I love to death and am going to marry eventually might have cheated on me....I was doing a bad thing and snooped through his myspace messages and found some with a girl and he was asking her questions like if she was a virgin and her favorite position and they always talked about her coming over late at night and how he would cook for her and watch a romantic comedy together...I confroned him and of course he denied doing anything with her but I think about it every so often just wondering...fuck now I am about to cry...ugh...

jax said...

damn, i missed some good shit!

never cheated since high school and felt terrible. never had anyone cheat onme, that i know of.
but if i did, he'd be toast and if the girl was a friend of mine she better start fuckign running. lol.

cheating is sad and fucked for everyone involved.

jax said...

lol Harriet, i'm late to the party and did the same thing.
no point posting anon.

BlahFrickinBlah said...

"Go work out your Daddy issues in therapy and stay off my husband."


Can't your husband keep the women off of himself? If someone isn't going to cheat, it doesn't matter who jumps on your man. The same goes for someone who IS going to cheat. Don't blame it all on the "other" person.

ms snarky said...

Those self-righteous here who think they would never cheat have just never been in a wretched marriage, or figured out they're married to someone they don't even know, or been seriously depressed or confused, or a million other different reasons that don't make you a vicious man-hunting whore, just a person who needs some comfort, or just maybe a little fun that they don't have to explain to everybody and anybody who thinks they have a right to know all about your life.

Cheating isn't willfully hurting your loved ones. No one ever finds out, hopefully. And sometimes it's the only thing that keeps you sane and hopeful tht there will be a life ahead for you.

So, suck it, haters. Judge not lest you be judged, I believe the kindly religious folks say.

Emobacca said...

Am I the only one who wished serious harm on 1:54?

Smug bitch.

Anonymous said...

my ex-boyfriend cheated, caught genital herpes, and passed it on to me.

You may think you're cheating just to have some fun and it won't hurt your partner since they'll hopefully never find out, but when you give him or her herpes they are going to find out and be very very very very pissed.

Guess what, you can catch incurable STDs even if you use condoms.

The only consolation is that my cheating ex-boyfriend has to deal with herpes for the rest of his life too, and he's a total germ phobe.

Anonymous said...

I was married when I was 20. A few years and a baby later I cheated with my husband's brother-in-law that he knew since middle school. Sounds horrible, but no one ever found out, and he made me feel pretty and desirable when my husband told me every day that I was fat and worthless and that no one would ever want me cause I had a kid and was old.
I was 24, gorgeous, tall, thin, and scared every minute that everything he told me might be true, and that maybe my life was worthless and I would never have anyone who actually loved me. It was emotional abuse and I finally got the courage to get out of it. But that affair kept me from giving up and falling into a deep depression. Or maybe I did it because I was already in a deep depression and was rebelling my way out of it. Whatever. I don't feel guilty one bit. By the way, the guy was married too.

Ms Snarky is right. Suck it, haters.

Anonymous said...

I was so sure until about six weeks ago that I would always be on the never ever would do it side. However, I met this man on business travel and I have no words to describe the utter lack of control over myself I felt/feel.

I get the impression that he loves the ladies a lot without a care in the world about his wife except hoping she keeps his perfect life in order.

I have been with my husband for ten years, we have two kids and I am in love with my life and would never throw it away for sex.

I didn't sleep with him but - and I hate to admit this - only because we live on opposite sides of the state and didn't have the chance when we met.

Logically I cannot imagine being stupid enough to want to have sex with a man that acts in such a repulsvie manner and obviously does not have an abundance of respect for women. But even thinking of him now I feel like a rutting wild animal rather than a woman that has always felt morally right in such situations.

So now, I have no idea what to think...

Anonymous said...

Anon 4:01 said:
"...stay off my husband!"

Honey, your husband could be the one who is jumping on other women.

Anonymous said...

I have never cheated and don't condone it, BUT, I have to address the people who are putting all the STD crap out here. Cheaters are not the only people who get STD's. Anyone who has unprotected sex, whether you are single, married, dating, straight, gay, bi, at an orgy, or on a one night stand - anyone can get an STD. So drop the STD shit, it has nothing to do with cheating.

Anonymous said...

@Ms Snarky - So if cheating isn't willfully hurting your loved ones, then what is it exactly?

And are you seriously quoting the kindly religious (pffft!)...please they are the ones doing all the dirty sh*t.

Anonymous said...

I have a life-long STD because my ex cheated on me, so yes it does have something to do with cheating.

If you are STD-free and don't cheat on your partner (and s/he doesn't cheat on you) then you won't get an STD. Pretty simple.

Anonymous said...

I wonder how cheating became so prevalent in our culture. It's obvious that some people don't even feel any guilt about it. Is it just human - has it been going on since the beginning of mankind? I wonder if it is just the internet making it seem more prevalent since everyone has rapid access to information. The internet allows us to push gossip at the speed of light and, of course, gives that anonimity to those who need to speak their mind about their achievments and misdeeds. I am guessing that cheating is just part of human nature. We still, however, have the choice not to cheat. I guess it depends on how we view ourselves and the others involved. Do you still value yourself after you cheat? Then maybe you can morally get away with it.

Anonymous said...

You are missing the point, Anon 4:43, the point was that cheating isn't the reason for STD's. Of course it can be a side effect because you are having sex, but some of the previous posters against cheating were making it out to be a direct correlation.

Anonymous said...

@ Anon 4:45pm
Are you projecting? Because I did not get that sentiment from any of the comments posted involving a cheating spouse/bf and STDs.

Anonymous said...

Monogomy is hard. We do it because we live in a society that was strongly influenced by the church. It isn't natural and it has always been this prevalent.

Anonymous said...

Anon 4:51 What are you basing this on? What makes you think that we are polyamorous?

Sis said...

My first serious boyfriend I lost my V to cheated on me with a woman whose kids I was babysitting while they went on dates, he even paid me through her! And yes, the woman and he knew the whole time!

I broke up with him after I found out, especially since I grew up with a father who cheated on my mom with her family members, yep my dad could not keep it in his pants, and to this day I doubt he still does.

Anonymous said...

1:40 here. Believe me, the last thing that was on my mind was cheating. I never dreamed I'd find myself in the situation I did.

He and I both felt something so strong that we couldn't deny it. I've never felt that strongly about anyone. That was the only reason we both pursued it.

Even though I loved him dearly and still do, the main reason I called it off was because I couldn't live with myself if I busted up someone's family. The guilt ate at me every day, knowing what I was doing to my fiance (who didn't find out the whole of our relationship), his wife, and his kids.

So for those of you who are high up on your pedestals, what would you do if this happened to you? You're not God. Don't judge.

Anonymous said...

Can't believe I'm posting this with all the f'in judgmental people out there. But, since I can be anon...I've never cheated. My husband was my 1st bfriend so I never even had the chance to wonder if I would & never had the chance to be cheated on. But, there is one man in this world who I would cheat with - the only other man I have ever loved. He was my first & we were very, very good friends for several years until he ultimately broke my heart. I never stopped loving him though, and I love my husband too. The other guy is married & could care less about me & probably never did, but that is my truth that I live with. Matters of the heart aren't always black & white. AND YES, I already know I will burn in hell for it. I still feel better letting my secret out...so there.

Anonymous said...

I have never cheated on anybody, but I was cheated on by my college boyfriend. He cheated on me with at least two girls that I know of. When I told him I thought he was cheating, he got so angry at me for daring to accuse him and that pretty much confirmed it for me.

Thing is, this guy was no prize believe me but I still cried over him so many times, and it took me a long time to get over him. Now if he even crosses my mind I just cringe and wonder what I was thinking.

Anonymous said...

This is kind of weird but I cheated on my boyfriend with my ex-husband.

Anonymous said...

I am currently being heavily pursued by a guy who is engaged and has a baby with his partner. It started out innocently - we met through watching the same sports team and see each other on a regular basis

Things have developed, and i am now going out of my way to avoid him. His fiancee has found some of the messages that he has sent me and ordered him to delete all ways of contacting me. Yet he is still finding ways of sending me messages.

Now last saturday I am having a drink in the usual bar i go to before a match and he turns up. Buys me a drink. A few more drinks and a heck of a lot of flirting later we almost kiss. I freak out and run away

Now the secret messages have gone into over drive - he needs to see what the chemistry is between us, he needs to see me one on one to figure out whether the feelings he has are real. I am totally disturbed by this, yes i find him incredibly attractive and we "click" if thats not too cheesy. However, he has a freaking fiancee and child.

He now wants us to meet in a hotel in my home town (he lives about an hour away).

I am ignoring him, but i have the feeling he is going to turn up on my doorstep or something. All i can think of is if i do act on this then i could potentially break up a family. And also, if he loves his future wife and kids, why the hell is he doing this - he knows damn well i am not going to give him sex straight away lol

Anonymous said...

Cheating is never good. No one has really touched on the STD's that one gets when someone is cheating. My wife and I know of a guy who cheated on his wife, got AIDS, went home and gave it to her. Suffice to say, they are both dead now, and left behind two orphaned girls (age 6 at the time). Cheating sucks, and I hope all you cheaters get what's coming to you.

Anonymous said...

Yes, I have cheated quite often. Several years ago I cheated on my-then fiance with someone I will call Mr. X.

After I started dating Mr. X exclusively (I left my fiance for him), I then cheated on him with a co-worker (who had a girlfriend; we all worked together!) and Mr. X's friend from childhood. It was a very fun time in my life.

I ended up marrying Mr. X's friend from childhood; we have been together for 15 years. I have not cheated on him and have no desire to. I am pretty happy!

Oh, and the co-worker I was cheating with and his girlfriend are still together, they got married and had a baby.

Anonymous said...

I cheated on my husband two weeks after we got married with a man I barely knew. It was the greatest sex of my LIFE!

My husband was a lousy lay, horrible and tiny and there was nothing I could do to help him. he wouldn't listen to any suggestions and would act terribly offended if I tried to suggest I wasn't happy.
This was the only time I cheated, it wasn't planned and I stayed married to my husband for seven years after this, but eventually I left him because I just didn't want to spend the rest of my life having sex with him. I've never told anyone this and have always felt a little guilty but mostly grateful for the lifeline.

Anonymous said...

Yes, I will admit I cheated during my first marriage. I slept with my best friend. (a dude, sorry to disappoint you pervs LOL)
Shortly after that, I realized I was in love with him, and had been for quite some time.
I left my husband and my BFF and I have been together and married for 11 yrs. this August. No lie. Crazy shit, but I'm forever grateful that I did it.
I know, I know--usually that shit destroys your friendship and your life, but not this time.
We belong together. :)

Anonymous said...

I've never cheated. I never will.

But I have found myself fantasizing about a married man in the past few months. I've had a innocent from afar crush on him for almost 7 years. He finally noticed me because I've dropped a massive amount of weight (over 100 lbs) and look like an entirely different person. I catch him staring at me at times or going out of his way to be in my orbit and it is a total turn on. He is exactly the kind of guy I would go for if he were single. He is my ideal in pretty much every way.

I have to admit that his interest in me is quite the ego boost. But he is married with children and the only cheating that will be happening is in my head.

Mooshki said...

Never. Hell, I'm even usually a serial monogamist with my fantasy guys, LOL!

Anonymous said...

The only reason any of you twats come to this site is to point and judge celebs.

How different the story is when the finger points at YOU for a change.
Freaking homewrecking hypocrites. Keep on trying to justify deplorable behavior, maybe one day you'll even believe it.

Anonymous said...

as far as 'stay off my husband' goes, let me tell you something. i was a single woman working for almost 20 years---mainly with men.
married men are easy, ladies. they are willing. they are looking, and they are the horniest bastards out there. i don't care HOW good you think your marriage is, men cheat. i've had to threaten to call the wife to get a man to leave me alone. and often, they just moved on to one of my co-workers and had better luck.
i think a lot of women have had this experience---so just aim your outrage and anger at the right target. why do you always blame 'her?'

Anonymous said...

I am 35 and cheated on my husband of 10 yrs with a 20 yr old

Anonymous said...

Married my high school sweetheart, only guy I had been with, he was Navy, we lived on Naval bases, I never cheated though guys would come up, hit on me even his so called best friends. He on the other hand cheated constantly, my son has a half sister 2 months older than him. Finally after 12 years during a fight I ask him "is it me, is it something I'm not doing? He says on a scale of 1-10 you are a 12, but if it's on offer why not take it. That moment I knew we were through. I figure why stay and be unhappy, I can at least be content by myself. The problem is I still have only been with one man in my life, can't trust men since the love of my life messed over me.

Anonymous said...

Asexual ftw!

Anonymous said...

It bothers me when people are like "oh but people aren't meant to be monogamous, blah blah hormones and chemistry!" and use that as an excuse for infidelity. Hey, try exercising some impulse control. Do you eat every piece of food in front of you? Do you steal things you want from the store? Come on.

Anonymous said...

had an affair with a married man. it started when i was in my 20's and he was in his 30's. i knew their marriage was over and she had been having an affair for a few years (all 4 of us worked in the same field). anyway, i was addicted to him, the sex, everything. when his wife finally moved out he announced that he was marrying someone else. i was so devestated that i moved across the country, leaving no forwarding address. guess who shows up at my door one day 2 years later. it started AGAIN, only now he has another wife. i was physically sick from the stress because i found out that a child was involved but i was "addicted". so again i moved and left no forwarding address. a couple of years later, just days before my wedding he left a message on my voice mail. i changed my name when i got married (over 10 years ago) and haven't heard from him since.

AMD said...

I've never cheated on anyone, but I was unknowingly the other woman. I met this Marine (of course) 6 years ago and we slept together a few times. He went off to Japan and then the emails started. His wife kept emailing me and telling me to leave her husband alone. I kept telling her I didn't know he was married and I wouldn't have slept with him if I had. She finally believed me and we actually became friends. Last I heard they were still together even though he'd given her an STD twice.

ms snarky said...

----------------------------------
Anonymous said...
@Ms Snarky - So if cheating isn't willfully hurting your loved ones, then what is it exactly?

And are you seriously quoting the kindly religious (pffft!)...please they are the ones doing all the dirty sh*t.
----------------------------
first, I was being ironic. I don't think any one of you has any right to judge anybody. I've been hit on by more married men than I can count. Do you angry married women on this thread seriously think that desperate single women are actively pursuing your husband in a sad attempt to get a husband for themselves? Please. He's out there looking. Hunting, actually. Maybe it's because you've let yourself get out of shape and don't work to keep his attention, or he's just a jerk who's a cheater from Day 1. For whatever reason, your husband is out there hitting on women using all kinds of tactics trying to get laid, pretending that you don't have sex anymore, or that he realized he never loved you but stays out of guilt, or because of the kids. It's not the girl seeking him out. It's your husband, on the hunt for some on-the-side sex. Pretending that the girl shouldn't fall for your husband's line doesn't make your marriage any more sacred. You married a cheater, and you're willing to stay with him and blame the "sluts" who he cheats with. If you want to call something pathetic, you should look at yourselves first. Stand up for yourself, and don't live with a cheater just because you're too lazy to get out, or because you don't want to stay attractive for your husband. Put the blame where it belongs. With your cheating husbands. And with you, for staying with a lying cheat.
I found out a guy I was in love with cheated on me, and I got out because I have respect for myself. It wasn't the girl's fault, although for a few weeks I tried to pretend that it was. It was my boyfriend. So I dumped him and found a good one. Before you get all self-righteous and seriously arrogant about your supposed moral superiority, look at your relationship for what it is. Neurotic dependency on a cheater who doesn't value you. Blame the girl if you want to. But a woman of any intelligence knows it's her husband who is the bottom-feeding cheater. And a woman of substance can admit it.

hammyjam said...

There is something that I learned from an anthropology class, just to throw another view out there. Monogamy is rare- we are one of the few societies who "practice" it. Polyandry is very common throughout the world and it was argued many times that it is kind of human nature. It was a way for men who had good genes to spread those genes to as many women as possible. Though there are also reasons monogamy developed, like to provide better care for the child (because human babies require a lot of care for a child, unlike monkeys who only typically need a few months or a year). Yeah this doesn't have a whole lot to do with cheating, but I guess to let people know that true monogamy is typically uncommon.

Anonymous said...

OMG. ms snarky, you are my hero.

Anonymous said...

Two years ago, I was 25 and felt like a freak for still being a virgin. I met a man at a bar who told me his girlfriend was away for the weekend. Bottom line, we went home together, even though I realized in the cab that I wasn't terribly attracted to him. The sex was not bad, but he ended up being a real jerk. I left at 6am the following morning. Cue a terrible urinary tract infection and pregnancy scare (we didn't use condoms and I wasn't on the pill). Then I fell into a terrible depression. Two years later and it's still the only time I've ever had sex. (BTW, I was sexually abused by my much older brother when I was under 5 years old, and have all the associated trust issues with men.)

I don't feel bad for the girlfriend that I slept with her guy but I do feel bad for her that she's with such an asshole. Sometimes I think I should have waited until she got home and told her about him. I don't know. Relationships just aren't worth all the bother.

whole_lotto _luv said...

When in my early 20's, a co-worker pursued me relentlessly. I tried to blow him off because I'd been told he was living with his g/f of 5 years, but he persisted. He even got transferred to my department and got the desk right next to mine. He moved (probably just some) of his shit into his mother's house to prove to me that he and "Betty" were over. So, I slept with him for about a year, but we kept it quiet because office romances were a no-no. Betty still called him, but he claimed he was attached to her kids and that was the only reason they stayed in touch.

At a company softball game, Betty showed up. She was about 20 years older than I, slightly heavy while I was young and petite. And at that moment, I knew he'd been lying to me for a year. This woman was self-confident, attractive, and financially stable. Instantly I felt bad, but not for her - I felt bad for me.

That was it. I didn't confront him. The next night he made excuses for Betty's presence: "I didn't invite her! I love you!" I ended it. To this day, I know he was cheating on her, but it sure as hell felt like he was cheating on me.

Over the next couple of months, I was the "immoral skank" who slept with 2 of my other (also middle-aged) co-workers who were married. Both were on (separate) business trips, where we got drunk and I remember nothing except waking up naked in their respective beds. I was drunk, the men were probably less so. Maybe I didn't actually fuck them, but I think the nudity was close enough to be cheating. But it was cheating for them, not for me, as I wasn't in a relationship.

Yeah, it takes two. But really, the middle-aged men who can't keep it in their pants are the cheaters, and have more of a moral obligation to "be strong" than an unmarried, insecure young woman does.

Anonymous said...

9:06 you're still very young. Childhood scars fade with enough time. Don't say never, just say not now. The best thing is to make good friends and if you're lucky maybe someday a friend will turn into something more.

ms snarky said...

oh, heck, anon 9:06.

a lot of men are wretched. I know, for my whole life, from the time I was 10 or 11, I somehow attracted inappropriate interest from men. old men, creepy men, men on buses, young guys who I had crushes on. I was terminally shy, but something in me made them think I was a target. Because I was really young, and seemed vulnerable. They're the creepy ones. It's not your fault. You were a little girl, and for some reason, your parents didn't know, or couldn't see, that you needed protecting. They probably were just hoping that the world would be a wonderful place for their daughter and didn't see what was happening. I hope.

It's not your fault. Not all men are horrible wretches. Get some therapy, and find a nice guy who thinks you're the best girl he's ever met. Sex should be fun. Not guilty, not dirty, just a lot of fun with someone you like who likes you back. And if you get to throw a little love in there, well, then you're a lucky girl. But if nothing else, it should be fun and healthy.

Don't let that creepy pseudo-brother ruin your life. It was his freak, not yours. Even if you enjoyed it a little. It's normal to have sexual urges, even when you're little. It's just confusing when you know you're in a situation where it's not right. He took advantage of you. You were a defenseless child. Don't think you can't have a normal, fun relationship with a guy. You can. And one that's worthy of you.
You have to stop thinking that it was your fault. Get a good therapist who can help you get past the past, and let yourself be open to a future without guilt. Life is nice. You should let yourself live it.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your kind comments, Anon 9.32 and Ms Snarky. I just find it really hard to make male friends (especially ones I could potentially find attractive LOL). Girl friends are so much easier.
I don't feel guilt over the abuse per se, I never enjoyed it because I hated my brother. He was physically and mentally abusive to all of us. My parents couldn't control him. The worst is I still have to see him occasionally and my parents don't know about the sexual abuse. It would break my mother's heart if she knew. I have tried therapy but I just hate talking about it.
Is this stuff genetic? Apart from my brother, there's my dad who's a huge internet porn addict and another brother who doesn't know that years ago I discovered his stash of online child porn. But everyone thinks they're such great guys, which they are in many other respects. Like you Ms Snarky, I get a lot of inappropriate attention from men which makes me feel ill. So I guess you can see why I have trust issues with men, ha. It's horrible but I can't even love my nephew as much as my nieces (they're all little kids) and he's adorable. If I had a son, would he be a sexual freak too?
Sorry for getting off topic here. This whole anonymous thing has got me in confessional mode...
Anon 9.06

Anonymous said...

I don't mean this to be a judging comment. I am just wondering at the reasoning of cheating when a relationship, as people have said, is "over". Technically, a relationship can't be over if you haven't even mentioned it to the other person. I just don't know why people want to be with sleazebags who are also in relationships, when they could just get a divorce and move on to a healthy and happy relationship.

I have never cheated. I do however have a very good friend who does very often. What bothers me the most, as it does with many cheaters, is that she thinks she is doing nothing wrong. She gets in relationships with these super-dependent momma's boys who worship the ground she walks on. She then takes "breaks" or makes it an "open relationship" unilaterally and cheats on them with multiple people, but really, there is no change besides her cheating in the relationship. She just wants to act holier than thou, as she does with everything else in her life. I feel bad for these poor guys, who would never dream of being with someone else while with her.

Anonymous said...

I think the people who have this narrow-minded view of cheaters are funny. Just as there are a thousand ways to love someone, there are a thousand reasons someone makes the mistake of getting involved with someone they shouldn't. Cheating is a mistake, and it hurts to be the one cheated on, but there is no one so perfectly without sin that they can cast stones at someone else.

Maybe I feel this way because I was a serial cheater, and it took a long time for me to realize why.
I was sexually assaulted when I was 12, by the older cousin of a classmate of mine. When my mom told my dad of the situation, he mulled over what to do, finally deciding that my family wouldn't press charges against the man, because, as he said, "Boys will be boys."

From that point, my trust in men was shattered. I spent the next several years confused and scared about being intimate with a man. Although there had been men interested in me, I shied away from any sort of intimate contact with them.

I finally did start dating someone after high school. I wanted to trust him so badly, and our relationship progressed rapidly. Shortly after our engagement, I told him all about the rape and how I had been scared, and how I was so happy to find someone to trust with it. The guy called me a few days later to break off our engagement.

Naturally, I was devastated. I felt worthless. The man who picked up the pieces happened to be a married coworker of mine. He told me I was gorgeous, and that that made me feel gorgeous. He told me he loved talking to me, and it made me feel needed.

It was a while before we had sex. It wasn't great, but I felt obliged to give my body to someone who made me feel worth it.

Eventually, his wife suspected the affair, and he broke it off. I went through a series of traditional relationships, but I wasn't capable of getting past the initial attraction.

Shortly afterwards, a friend of mine got a job as a stripper. She was making loads of money, and told me it was so easy, and so much fun. Once I tried it out, I was hooked! The dancing was easy, and I got tons of the adoration I craved, without any of the complications of real intimacy.

Through that job, I began a series of affairs with married men who came in there. It seemed like a perfect arrangement -- I loved men unafraid of telling me I'm beautiful, and they loved having an affair with someone who didn't want anything more.

It was great -- Until I got pregnant.

The first time I got pregnant, the guy paid for an abortion for me. The second time I got pregnant (a little over a year after that, with a man who lived a few states away but who came to my town on business), I decided God was trying to tell me something. I quit stripping, had a beautiful little girl, and decided to go back to school.

I eventually met someone online who made me feel wonderful, but I cheated on him, still addicted to the need to feel attractive and in demand. While the guy didn't know I had cheated on him, I still broke off the relationship, because I felt like I was in it for the wrong reasons.

I'm running out of time to be anonymous, so let me wrap this up. I spent three years without a man, until I could get my head wrapped around the idea of having a true, real relationship. I recently married the man who doesn't know about my past, but whom I love deeply and completely.

Anonymous said...

broke up with C to be with B, didn't become intimate with B until three months later, I am a very sexual person went back to C until I started becoming intimate with B. Stopped with C. B left for training started again, B never found out. Started sleeping with C again, after B left for training for a better job, gonna break it off before B comes home. I will never tell him as he is the one I want to marry, kinda stupid huh...but I know I can't marry C because he is just weird ( that paranoid about the government type) had to take the ECP pill with C because I was stupid...

Anonymous said...

I did love C at one time tho, not anymore but the sex is really hot, and I do realize thats not a reason to cheat, but in some stupid way I feel like after I leave C I LOVE B more, does that mean I am nuts?

Anonymous said...

Ms. Snarky, I love you!

I'm single and average looking, I dress nice and professional, not slutty, but for some reason I get hit on a lot, maybe it's my charm (LOL), I really don't know what it is. I work in a profession with the majority being male, mostly all married, and most all of them have flirted and made it plain that it could become something more. Even socially I get hit on, even by gay men. I have no idea where it comes from......except maybe it's a male thing? They are usually always looking?

Btw I've never slept with anyone from work, so it's not as if I have a reputation of getting around, and I'm picky so I don't go home with strangers from parties, either. I'm not leading anyone on.

It's real easy to lay a blanket blame to the faceless other people for affairs but who you should really be taking into account is the partner you're supposed to trust, as difficult as that may be.

Anonymous said...

i cheated on a boyfriend several years ago with my boss. my boyfriend at the time was a total douchebag and my boss and i were having an on-again-off-again affair. i tried not to cheat, but i didn't have the balls to dump my boyfriend at the time since i knew he'd create drama. it obviously didn't last. not with the boyfriend or the boss and i'm better off that way. the boyfriend was abusive and the boss was more trouble than he was worth in the end and while i never felt guilty about cheating on that boyfriend, i can't imagine putting someone i actually care about through that especially now that i realize how stupid and selfish it was.

i don't regret it, but i wont do that again. i hope karma doesn't find me on that one.

Anonymous said...

@ 12am - my heart goes out to you and i sincerely hope things work out with your new relationship.

Anonymous said...

I always get sick and tired whenever a remorseless cheater uses the "Don't be judgmental or act holier than art thou line".

The fact is that cheating, although it happens, is incredibly destructive and needs to be stamped on hard. If we get tagged with the moral police tag, so be it - at least it's better and less harmful than what you cheaters do -trying to make this behaviour sound cool and entice others.

Those who cheat have no idea how much it damages the betrayed partner and families - it damages trust in humanity and can takes years to recover from. Some people even commit suicide because of the pain. Make no mistake - cheating is a form of abuse; an abuse of trust.

All of you wives/husbands who cheated and blame your spouses or ex-spouses for a bad marriage, bad sex or being a douchebag, let me ask you this question: how are you different? You're just as responsible for the state of the marriage as they are and if anything, behaved worse than they did - they may not know about the affair, but it still happened.

If you were unhappy, you could have just left - don't say that cheating was a coping strategy because the end result was the same anyway - you still left. But you could have left with dignity.

12.40 - You say you love your female friend - personally I don't think you do, because if you did, you'd leave that couple alone and give their marriage a chance. But let's just say that you're right - then I truly pity you.

One day you will get found out, trust me, and when you do, you're going to have a front row seat to watch the devastation you caused and it's not going to be pretty. Wait till you see the pain of your girlfriend; it will be even harder than usual for her because it's a double betrayal.

Anonymous said...

Cheating is a mistake

no,cheating is a choice, and people know it's wrong and immoral when they do it.

pls don't try to sugar coat something that leaves people and families devastated.

ms snarky said...

@ anon 8:34

Yes, cheating is a choice. and yes, it is destructive to everyone, including the single person who gets hurt when the married one dumps them after they've gotten their little thrill.

but blame? look to the married cheater first. they are the ones who are potentially hurting their families. The foolish single people who cheat with marrieds think they have found their true love. Stupid and selfish, yes. Evil, probably not.

If you feel a need to lay blame, lay it on the married person. They're the one disrespecting their family.

ms snarky said...

@ anon 10:04 -

Don't worry about breeding a sex fiend if you have kids. Water down that gene pool. Get yourself a blonde, blue eyed viking if you're Mediterranean, or a dark, handsome Mediterranean if you're a blonde German. Throw some variety in there!
My theory is that kids are 25% heredity, and 75% how you raise them. And I'm sticking with it.
(except for the occasional flat out nut case kid, in which case they're just crazy crazy and you can't do anything about it. But your family does seem to be overloaded with sex obsession, so by the law of averages, you'll get a normal kid. Trust ms. snarky.)

Anonymous said...

Yes I have. Never on any boyfriend or fiance before, but recently on my soon-to-be-ex husband. When I describe the situation y'all are going to think I'm a messed up skank and will probably tell me to get therapy - I'm in therapy and on "psych" leave from my job, so I'm trying to take care of it. Also, some of you might be able to guess who I am, but I don't care. Warning, this is going to be LONG : )

I cheated on my husband after we separated five months ago with about 7 men. Five of them were from the married cheating website that is on the radio ads all the time. The sixth man was my pot dealer. The seventh was my married co-worker.

This is not an excuse, but just to tell what frame of mind I was in when this started. In August, I woke up and my husband was having sex with me. This disturbed me because I had been raped when I was 16 and very drunk and passed in and out of it, but was very clear on the fact that I was raped. This brought up old memories and reactions. During this time, a very nice co-worker having his own marital problems starting talking to me and we began an emotional affair. In the meantime, after making a specific plan that he would never have sex with me in my sleep again (he told me I was making advances in my sleep and that he was sure I was awake - I WAS NOT), I woke up and he was having sex with me in my sleep AGAIN. I struggled to get away, but he held me down until he was done. He wouldn't acknowledge that he did anything wrong and I was very damaged by this. Things ramped up with my co-worker and I detached from my husband. At this point my co-worker and I were just making out in elevators. My husband was harboring guilt over what had happened and didn't know how to deal with it and sensed my detachment. Since he has psychological problems of his own, he coped by emotionally and verbally abusing me. Meanwhile, my co-worker had never had an affair and neither had I. He couldn't bring himself to go all the way and I was looking to have sex with anyone but my husband. I was telling this to "my best friend", my pot dealer and he came onto me hard and I messed around with him for a while before finally doing the deal with him after I left my husband. Then I didn't like something he did so I've been inventing reasons to not ever since.

I was in counseling by this time and told my counselor what I was doing. She said that the incidents of sex in my sleep probably brought back memories of being raped and that I sexually act out to cope. Of course, I could barely bring myself to have sex with my husband, because I felt like he was my rapist, but I dutifully did that once a week. Eventually I was diagnosed with mild PTSD, which I was also diagnosed with when I was raped. I'm trying to fix myself but it's a really slow process. Anyway, back to the cheating:

I left my husband (as a separation) in late October. I had sex with my co-worker very shortly after and that continued off and on until last Thursday because it's getting too difficult for him logistically, and he's too nervous to come to my house. Before that, I had sex with my dealer. I didn't have sex with them at the same times - I was with the dealer when I wasn't with the co-worker and vice versa. However, before that I had a string of one offs with the married website guys. Met some guy in the parking lot of a Greyhound race track and did it behind a tree in the woods, one guy actually took me on a date to meet his friends and I went to his house, met a cop at his house and met a guy in a hotel room he had rented right next to the one he had with his wife, but we didn't go all the way because he was weird. I guess that's only four. I either miscounted or I'm forgetting someone.

I DID use protection with ALL of these people EVERY time. And, when I was done being random, I got tested, and I am ok, thank god. I know that I took some bad risks. My counselor would like for me to not have sex with anyone right now, but she has settled for me not having sex with anonymous people as she says that is dangerous to my safety. I guess I would have to agree there.

Currently I am having sex with a single guy who I know through mutual friends and who has issues of his own and just wants a friend with benefits. I'm happy with that I guess but I know I'm messed up.

I will NEVER get married again. Right now I can't imagine ever being tied down in any kind of committed relationship ever again or even calling someone my boyfriend. Friends with benefits is all I can handle, but I feel I NEED the sex. At the same time, I want this to be a person that I would be friends with and who is nice to me and treats me with respect even though I'm just a piece of ass.

Oh, and I never felt guilty about fucking married men. I've found that men cheat because they already have significant problems in their marriage and many are staying for the kids. I really didn't consider it my problem. My problem was my marriage - and I felt no guilt there either. So, I either turned into a sociopath or I felt like I was getting back at him for the abuse, but most of all for feeling like he had raped me multiple times.

Sorry for the long post.

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