Friday, May 15, 2009

Ted C Blind Item

If you have a problem with yet another Blind Vice being about veiled same-sex goings-on, you really are reading about the wrong community. This is Hollywood, home of the unfree and the unbrave, a city where everybody pretends to be something they're not—and I don't just mean the gays.

But today's Blind Vice is all about a TV personality who not only goes commando when he's hanging at his buddy's apartment, but who hits on whoever walks through the damn front door!

Woody Drop-Hint's a total guy's guy. He struts around his nonscripted TV offering, helping run things, not only with considerable aplomb and charm, he's totally doable while doing it, too! Woody's a really approachable guy, for sure. So much so he approached a guy who just happens to be...

A very close friend of the Awful Truth, if Woody only knew! So, there Mr. Drop-Hint was, all studly, burly and hangin' loose in his gym shorts over at a friend's Hollywood apartment. But Woody's pal, who was out at the moment, needed Drop-Hint to do a favor for him: As he was moving soon, would Woody be so kind as to show the pad to a potential renter?

Sure thing, bro, no prob!

Buzzz. Flop. Flop. Flop. FOT (Friend of Truth) hears Woody coming to answer the door, just off the Sunset Strip, obviously barefoot. The posh apartment door swings open and Woody's eyes laser right through FOT's humpy and chiseled bod like he's something up on some porno website.

Woody says, "Hey..."

FOT, taken aback by the double whammy of Drop-Hint's fame, as well as the eyeballs so busy undressing him, says, "Oh, hi! I'm here to look at the apartment!"

Woody: "Yeah, that all?

FOT: "All what?"

Woody: "You want to look at?"

FOT [Awkwardly grimacing]: "Yes...?"

Our intrepid and pretty pumped source then toured the apartment as best he could, despite Woody getting an erection beneath his unstrung gym shorts, fondling it and asking FOT if he didn't "want to stay a while?"

FOT, for some reason I'm not entirely not sure I understand, declined. But suffice it to say, he's probably happier with himself today because of it. Toothy Tile he's obviously not.

It Ain't: Ashton Kutcher, Ryan Seacrest, Howie Mandel

17 comments:

margarita said...

Nonscripted? Brody Jenner.

It's just me! said...

Ty Pennington

Kristen S. said...

One of the home improvement type shows: "helping run things".

Ty Pennington?
Andrew Dan-Jumbo?

David D. said...

Ty.

mngddess said...

Gee, I was thinking more along the lines of Mario Lopez..

WBotW said...

Ty Pennington! I remember watching an episode of Trading Spaces YEARS ago and during the end credits there was a split second shot of Ty, nekkid except for a tool belt. It was a side shot so nothing hung out but I have never forgotten it, lol.

Reverend Ramona said...

My vote is for Jeff Probst. He is friends with Colby Donaldson, who could be the guy who was renting the apartment out.

Sarah said...

Jeff Probst immediately jumped into my head (and his FFF pic, too).

sunnyside1213 said...

Ty was naked? Oh how did I miss that?

figgy said...

I really think Ty. He makes my gaydar shriek.

Jungle007 said...

WHAT THE FUCK?

maryja said...

Hey, is it my imagination or was this blind item...understandable? Did Ted C actually dial back the florid descriptions and just gave us the damn blind?

This was the first time I haven't wanted to headdesk myself after reading a Ted C column.

Oh, by the way, Ty all the way.

Pookie said...

matthew mcconeughey!

shelley502 said...

I'd be very sad if it's Joe McHale.

Judi said...

I doubt Probst has time to help a former Survivor contestant show an apartment, no matter how good friends they are.
This sounds like something Russell Brand would do but I don't think he has an tv show here.

gay tallywacker said...

OMG Figgy, I can't stop laughing!

DNfromMN said...

Joel is married, Ted wouldn't leave out that juicy bit. (Isn't Probst married now too?)