Engaged? Not Engaged? It Doesn't Matter - The Jennifer Love Hewitt/Jennifer Garner Conspiracy Theory
There seems to be a battle of tabloids this morning as to whether or not Jamie Kennedy and Jennifer Love Hewitt got engaged last night in Long Beach. At a comedy club. That's right because everyone knows the way to the heart of a woman is to get her to come up on stage after she has been forced to laugh at your stale jokes for two hours for the umpteenth time and then get proposed to with no ring in front of a surly drunk crowd that has just been forced to buy 3 drinks at inflated prices and are just now receiving their bills. Mmmm. That is a Hallmark moment for sure.
The NY Post says the engagement is real. Others have jumped on their bandwagon. Why not? The wagon is big and shiny and filled with good news. Then there are those who say it was all just a ploy from the audience because they were drunk and thought chanting, "marry her," would be better than "show us your t**ts."
What all the tabloids are forgetting is that it doesn't really matter if they are engaged or not. The only thing an engagement does is allow the tabloids to run some covers of Jennifer's dream honeymoon or dress or blah, blah, blah. They love Jennifer though. You know why? Because all they have to do is change the occasional Aniston to Love Hewitt and substitute some pictures and they are good to go.
I haven't been able to figure out what makes Jennifer Love Hewitt dump them. I do have a theory I would like to share with all of you now though. I know how much you enjoyed my last theory about how Four Weddings And A Funeral is essentially the same movie as Notting Hill.
My new theory is that this Is Jennifer Love Hewitt's Jennifer Garner moment. Yep. Let us go back in time shall we. Jennifer Garner was on a hit show and was married to Scott Foley. Jennifer Love is on a hit show and was engaged to Ross McCall.
Jennifer Garner started dating her co-star Michael Vartan. Jennifer Love Hewitt started dating her co-star Jamie Kennedy. Michael Vartan got his heart crushed. Jamie Kennedy will get his heart crushed. Now, Jennifer married Ben who was dating a Jennifer. Jennifer Love is going to marry the next guy she dates who was dating a Jennifer. See how this works? It is like some Kennedy/Lincoln thing. This is the kind of thing that keeps me up at night. Well, that and an enlarged prostate.