Friday, July 10, 2009

Ted C Blind Item

Our superfamous naughty couple today is by no means as interesting as Hard-Nipple Nick and his megastar wife. Quite the opposite, in fact. Sorry! But get this:

It's high time everybody met Jerry Rock-Butt and Chutney Jones—an insanely gorgeous duo. The stars (one A-List, one B-List, sorta) have been dating for a couple of years now and they're the epitome of dull, dull, dull. Bland expressions when they're out together, same routine dinners, blah blah and more blah. Yech, already.

But it wasn't always that way, we assure you:

JR-B has always been a ladies' man, and has quite the track record of bedded A-List hotties. Not that he always made it to a mattress, but you get the general idea, I'm sure. Oh, and these exes of Jare's never let him lose his hard-partying ways. They were supersmart about that—quite unlike how stupidass (tightass) Chutney's being with Jerry now.

See, Rock-Butt is no druggy—don't get us wrong. But when he's out with the boys or in a crazy mood, he doesn't mind dabbling in the occasional Hollywood party favor: coke. J will do a couple of lines here and there, just to help him get his dance and flirt on.

But Chutney isn't having any of that. Not that we condone drugs here at the A.T., but C.J. is just as pissed that Jerry does blow as she is that Jerry has fun! She's such a stick in the overly coiffed spa mud, and she sure as hell isn't any fun to take out—and that, of course, means Mr. Rock-Butt shouldn't be out and about either, so Chutney thinks.

Well...let's just say Jerry's been sneaking off to Vegas a bit more than usual, as a result. Sin City is where Jare gets all his sins outta his system, fer sure.

And we think Jerry has had it with his leecher girlfriend. They've been on rocky ground for a while, and studly J is starting to miss the nightlife and bevy of hot female fans. And trust, this sexalicious guy could have practically anyone. Guys or girls. But he chooses the latter, despite his metro-esque appeal.

Here's hoping JR-B ditches the douche ball and chain and goes back to the single life. Preferably for his first love. Now they were a fit like no other.

And It Ain't: Sean "Diddy" Combs, Ryan Phillippe, Emile Hirsch

45 comments:

ElsieFire said...

Timberlake & Biel

AnonMom said...

Yep, my first thought was Timberlake and Biel.

Little Miss Smoke and Mirrors said...

I agree with everyone @ Ted's site and here (so far) that it's Pippy and Biel.

Not understanding why he's with her in the first place.

empyrios said...

i wouldn't consider either of them "insanely gorgeous" and i definitely don't think JT could have "practically anyone".

i don't think it's them. that being said, i don't have a guess right now either, lol.

nichole said...

What about Jim Carrey?

David D. said...

"Douche ball and chain" just has to be Jessica Biel. And Justin certainly has "metro-esque appeal".

Edward said...

Beckham and Posh

shazzzba said...

YES...YES...JUSTIN AND THE MAN...

selenakyle said...

I dunno..."overly-coiffed spa mud" doesn't quite sound like Jessica Biel to me...

She seems more down-to-Earth, being photographed so often out dog walking w/o makeup, and overall having what appears to be a more natural beauty.

That being said, I of course have no guesses of my own at this point...

Ice Angel said...

Ted is a big fan of the Dick in a Box, so I would expect him to say JT is gorgeous. And wouldn't he just LOVE a JT-Brit reunion. Lots to talk about!

selenakyle said...

Didn't we think the BI about a star getting a hummer in the coat closet was JT a while back?

And she's gotta be at least bisexual--remember the pix of that big chick groping her butt at a sports event?

Mooshki said...

If this is JT, LOL at Ted wanting him back with Britney. Biel's an idiot. He's the best beard she'll ever find. She needs to take off his leash and be grateful he's still letting her tag along at all.

vitazza said...

I want o agree with Edward.. I initially thought of Posh and Becks especially when Ted mentioned the spa trips…..the problem is they are married. So it must be Boring Beil and JT.

empyrios said...

maybe it's Brangelina!

lol

Thisisridiculous said...

When I think insanely gorgeous I think of Halle and Gabriel or Angelina or Brad.

That said I agree that it's J.T. and Biel only Ted would think those 2 are insanely gorgeous... bleh

Tea Lady said...

Maybe Ted means J.T. and Cameron Diaz. That would make more sense.

Mike said...

Am I getting crazy or was that a Ted C blind item that was actually easy to read and made sense without a translator? Wonders will never cease.

I personally don't think it's JT and JB, but I don't really have a better suggestion.

As for whether or not, J Biel is "insanely gorgeous" or not, I'm not sure Ted C would be my go-to guy on judging the female form, if you know what I mean ;)

Jill said...

Definitely Justin T and Jessica B! Thought that all along, but the last line about Britney sealed the deal:)

Pookie said...

oooh...am liking the gabriel aubrey/halle berry guess...

whomever it is tho, applause to the female for not being into the drug scene. that's awesome in my book, considering how accessible any and every drug is w/in the ent. industry. go her.

itsnotabear said...

i guess i'm waaaaaaaaaay off, but i was thinking jake and reese or miranda and orlando.

Madison said...

I had thought originally it was Hugh Dancy and Claire Danes (overly coiffed, stick in the mud, looking glumy, etc.)

Napoleon In Rags said...

If not for the fact that most people assume Toothy Tile is Jake Gyllenhaal, I'd swear this was him and Reese. They fit the time frame, are never seen doing anything very interesting, she's thought to be very serious and restrained...plus, one of the characters in Legally Blonde was named Chutney, had hair that turned out to be a plot point, and when Elle goes to interview her mother, she's at the spa. It just seems too perfect not to fit, but doesn't Ted stick to one name per person?

Also, Ryan is Reese's ex and Jake and Emile are often compared to one another - if I could only figure out the Diddy connection...

nunaurbiz said...

The "And It Aint's" seal the deal for JT and JB. Diddy for obvious reasons. JT and Emile Hirsch were in "Alpha Dog" and I JT and Phillippe are sometimes mistaken for the other, lookwise.

caligirl said...

Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart

AvaMore said...

I like the JT/Jessica~ but is he "A-list"?

Jake isn't either.....


Hmm. Back to the drawing board.

sunnyside1213 said...

Gotta be JT and JB. She thinks it's hard to get work in HW because she is soooooooooooo attractive. (Gag.) And I think his first love would be Diaz.

Anyone think Mary Louise Parker would take Hugh Dancy back if he dumped Danes?

BinkyM said...

@nunaurbiz: Thanks for putting the "And it ain'ts" together for me! I'd been thinking people were insane for the Timberlake guess because I couldn't tie him in. My guess had been Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner (though her hair didn't fit the blind," and sure enough, the Puff Daddy "Ain't" fit, though I couldn't tie the other two in. but then you made it work!

Still have a hard time with Timberlake being A-list (though I grudgingly admit he's a damned fine actor; I've somehow managed to see all his movies), but perhaps Ted means he's A-list in music.

Melissa said...

I read in an US article about JT having to leave the table at a dinner in VEGAS because she kept calling him incessantly. Nice.

stiffkittens said...

I think Ted finds Biel attractive because she looks like a guy.

It seems to fit them - especially the fighting/JT partying (and the resulting photo ops by her to prove everything's fine).

Grace said...

I think the word "leech" confirms it for Jessica Biel, who is often called one or something very similar on gossip sites.

Quintessential Southerner said...

teddy boy used to be an addict. surely he's not insinuating that recreational drug use is okay. hmm...

anita_mark said...

JT is A-list.

At first I thought Charlize Theron and Liev Shreiber but then the last part about the first love made me switch to JT and Jessica Biel.

RocketQueen said...

I LOVE JT and think he probably could have anyone. I also hope this is true so I can start to stalk a single JT ;) I do think this is about J&J, although the "overly coiffed" thing throws me a bit.

Goodgrief said...

Yep, I think it is JT and Beil with Britney Spears being the first girlfriend.

Andy said...

JB is insanely gorgeous from the neck down.

One thing I don't get. If they are bearding for each other, as the rumors go, why would she give a crap if he was off getting his freak on? My only rules would be don't get caught and call before you get home so I can send my "friend" home.

JB is a fitness fanatic and has the body to show for it. So I can see her being a bit of a hard-ass about overindulging. But if they were just a beard relationship, would she care?

i.e., maybe she actually does care about him. Just a thought in between the Haterade.

Judi said...

Naomi Watts is with Schreiber. Stuart Townsend is with Theron.
It was Billy Crudup who dumped MLParker for Danes; not HDancy.
Yeah, JT and JB.

Dorinda said...

Charlie Sheen

Type-A Bride said...

Yes yes yes to Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel.

southerner09 said...

definitely biel and timberlake. lots of people think they are attractive.

Janet said...

Wow. EVERYTHING about that blind fits Timberlake/Biel. There's nothing vague about it.

Ells said...

It was Billy Crudup that dumped MLP while she was pregnant for Danes.
This blind makes me angry, because while he says he doesn't condone drugs, he follows by putting down the woman for wanting her man to stay clean.

Miss X said...

I'll go with the JT/JB guess. And I wouldn't mind seeing JT back with his 1st love.

And, Ted really seems to be advocating recreational drug use. Stupid!!

whole_lotto _luv said...

Ted C has recently posted that he's smoking cigarettes again and not happy about it, so maybe he's trying to tone down his anti-drug stance because he's feeling like a hypocrite? I know it's tobacco, but he's preached against cigarettes the last few years.

Plus, Ted isn't writing a lot of his stuff. This blind, for instance, sounds much clearer than his usual style. On his other posts, he gives credit for "additional reporting" to various combinations of Taryn Ryder, Becky Bain, Lindsay Miller and Martin Haro. Maybe one or some of them are responsible for putting together the blind, too.

Aline said...

I'm in agreement with the JT and JB guess. About the first love, it always seemed to me that Cameron was his first adult love rather than Brit. I always thought JT and Cameron were cute together with a good sense of humor.

City Councilman Doug said...

"They were a fit like no other"--because if they got back together all the gossip bloggers would probably stand on their heads and shoot firecrackers out of their asses.

HAS to be Justin & Brit Brit.