Friday, July 31, 2009

Ted C Blind Item

What a mess Terry Tush-Trade feels overwhelmed by right now, both professionally and personally.

If only someone could shake Terry's well-coiffed little head and say it's all OK, you've got the world before you, fans are quivering at your gorgeous toes—you have nothing to worry about, sweet stuff!

But Terry just doesn't see it that way, not at all. Result: The good-looking Twilight franchise performer is sinking further and further into checking out, via booze and drugs, nothing too heavy right now, but we all know where that getting-high road leads, right?

Dammit, get it together, Tush-Trade, before it's too late! Pressure to perform for Summit in top-capacity isn't the only thing troubling TTT. As we told you before, Terr-bear's got a little lovin' secret (actually not so secret) that's already creating pressure for the beauty. Not to mention affairs of the heart from both sexes pulling TTT strongly.

And now, to add to that very Toothy Tile-esque endeavor, Terry's getting piles more directions from Summit on how to act, what to say, what not to say, don't go there, don't wink this, don't utter that—Terry's goin' nutso in the process!

Therefore, Tush-Trade's mode of response has become increasingly...

Soaked in the 80-proof stuff, not to mention smoking this and popping that, just to keep it together.

Oh, if only everybody concerned (mainly you, Summit, you chastising corporate spoilsports) would let Terry be the natural bisexual lover Tush-Trade was born as. I mean, certainly didn't hurt Angelina Jolie any, right? She finally chose a mate to settle down with, once she was allowed to romp and roam on whichever mattress she chose.

And good for her! It's one of the things we admire about Jolie, that she never hid her sexuality, something Terry's dying to do, as well.

But Terry keeps getting told, "Pull that one, and you're on the next train to Rachelle Lefevre-ville." And we all know where that is: totally the wrong side of the career tracks...for now, at least.

Fight back, Terry and Rachelle, you can both change the world!

It Ain't: Rachelle Lefevre, Ashley Greene, Billy Burke

32 comments:

diatribes and dish said...

My guess is Taylor Lautner. I definitely get a not-straight vibe from him (maybe because he looks exactly like my brother's ex boyfriend).

.robert said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzW0qNrlR9w

kathryn said...

I wish you would translate these, Enty.  I can't even
read them anymore.

Cait said...

What about Jackson Rathbone?

Mooshki said...

Warning, mini-rant ahead: I hate how bleeping prudish our society is. Primetime tv shows mangled corpses, but a woman's bare boob is HORRIFYING!!! The Powers That Be would rather have this poor guy secretly on drugs than openly bi. How messed up is that?

Mini-rant #2: Apart from the homophobia, it also drives me crazy that the pr machines keep trying to force these kids into finding their "one true love." They're young as hell, let them just casually date around for god's sake!

gossipbebeh said...

you know this is pretty blatant for Ted. Only a hand full of performers in twilight and he has notted 3......
Hmmmm.........

wildflower said...

I vote Nikki Reed. I thought it was a guy at first, but with the AJ reference I think perhaps a girl.

selenakyle said...

Really is unfair to the guys, as it only boost the gals. Sad.

lyz said...

I don't even know what it said...my head hurts now.

figgy said...

I used to read Ted's column religiously, but since he's pretty much converted himself to being a full-time Twilight flack, I haven't read it in months.

empyrios said...

this is Robert Pattinson for sure.

the "well-coiffed" comment cinched it for me.

plus, it's no secret that he's having a hard time dealing with the fame and everything that it entails, personally and professionally.....

Dorinda said...

Tom Cruise

jmg said...

billie burke was an actress in 1930's a play on names i think it's a female

DNfromMN said...

It has to be a female. When was the last time you referred to a man as "a beauty"?

Terry Tush Trade prior blind here.
Notted: Dakota Fanning, Elizabeth Reaser, Chris Weitz.

My original guess was Kellan Lutz, but now that it's a female, Nikki seems most probable.

Andy said...

I dunno, I always figured Reed was a little more level-headed, given she's been emancipated since 14, wrote the script for "Thirteen" with Catherine, seems to have gotten a lot of stuff out of her system, etc.

Nikki said...

nikki reed is my guess, a few months ago i read a blind that pointed towards her and said she was snorting an insane amount of cocaine

Nikki said...

also, it seems to be a chick from the mention of angelina and the who it ain'ts.

and it isn't like reed doesn't have the history....the movie 13 anyone?!

tbmdevilboy said...

Terry is Kristen. Nevis is Rob.

jax said...

totally Nikki Reed, i've always had the bi vibe from her.

gauchogirl said...

I think it's Nikki Reed too. I think her "secret" was hooking up with Rob Pattinson, but obviously, that's not the biggest secret.

Guttersnipey said...

I'm only saying this in the hopes that Ted himself checks out CDAN:

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY? JUST SAY IT. Someone's snorting the booger sugar, might be bi, and is freaking out her studio. Thanks! See, I can translate, but you have to wade through the most annoying goddamn syntax in the world to get there. It's like Ted's "schtick" or whatever to be the shittiest writer in the whole entire universe, and he revels in it.

Why do I read it? Why don't I skip these posts, you may ask? Really, I'm just curious as to whether Ted is capable of penning a blind that doesn't involve same-sex genital-licking. But, no. Week after week, he is not.

The nation's unemployment rate is skyrocketing, yet this dude has a job. That's fucking fair. And as far as I can tell (and I would LOVE to be proven wrong, so please, bring it if you can -- seriously), NONE of his blinds have ever been proven correct.

Barton Fink said...

Oh god, another Twitard BI. I must say, I don't care what happens to any of these people. They are to celebrity what Palin is to eloquence. I would rather see photos of Tara Reid in cutoffs! (Ew, I just saw one. Maybe I would rather not see that again.)

ms snarky said...

I think it's Kristen. There have been a bunch of stories about how often Joan Jett is visiting the set of the Runaways movie, and hanging with Kristen. Hence 'the natural bisexual lover Tush-Trade was born as' comment.

ms snarky said...

Billie Burke (one of the 'nots') starred in "The Runaway" on Broadway in 1911.

gotta be Kristen.

ms snarky said...

okay, what I meant was that the coincidence between Ted mentioning Billy Burke when he was clearly talking about a girl in the blind might have been a reference to the old Billie Burke (glinda the good witch) who was in the Runaway.

just a theory!

brendalove@gmail.com said...

I think its Kristen. She's very butch-y to me.

ardleigh said...

Ted gives me headaches & I can only read him here because almost every post he does is Twilight related. Has he been replaced by a 16yr old schoolgirl?

Judi said...

Kristen's shooting a butch role right now. Much has been made in the press about her hair style for this role. I think it's her.

kari B-rum said...

@ms snarky Good work indeed. I read it and instantly thought Kristen. Thanks for the verification of my suspicions. Well coiffed is the hair she's got for the bio pic.

I love romp and roam

sunnyside1213 said...

Kristen is supposed to be Twyla and Ted says he never gives more than one name to BI victims. Nikki and Kellan are the favorite guesses.

GoddessNow said...

I really do not enjoy Ted's blinds.

shibajonz said...

Ted admires Angelina - since when? More twisting of reality to suit his story of the moment!