Friday, August 14, 2009

Ted C Blind Item

Handsome enough, Fruzzy Tuna-Stench has never really had much of a problem with the ladies—that's because they usually don't tip each other off! Take a recent conquest of Fruzzy's, a babe who was so delighted to have found herself in Mr. Tuna-Stench's Hollywood Hills home, she wanted to squeal! Oh, my! And they'd only been dating for a bit, she thought, and he's already taken her into his private and storied man-quarters, such an achievement!

So there they are, the gorgeous brown-locked luscious one and her very, very famous bed partner, writhing away on the famous actor's oversize mattress. Tops off? Check. Jewelry off? Check. Then off fly the undies, too, so hot!

And there before our lucky gal lies the utterly nude, quasi-sculpted bod of Mr. Fruzzy...

Whose endowment our darling sex-horned babe cannot wait to devour and jump on—and dine away she does, impressive, horny girl! Only problem is…Mr. Fruzzy's private parts aren't exactly responding in kind. Something's wrong. Our sexed-out source wonders, Is it me? As she's a knockout above all knockouts, highly unlikely.

Disappointed with the fun foreplay stuff, Fruzzy's bed partner decides to just jump ahead to the main course, and go ahead and let daddy have his entrée right away, maybe he's just not a nooky appetizer kinda guy? Just strictly a meat and potatoes dude maybe? So they assume the position. And, well, nothin's happenin' in that department, either.

Alas, Fruzzy just can't get it up, and the amorous evening of promising love bites is a bust. Utterly depressed, our disappointed babe watches as Fruzzy, still naked, gets up and walk into his den, where he stays for some time. So she decides to follow him, wondering what's up.

And guess who's sitting at a computer Googling himself without a stitch on? Best part of all? Finally something had arisen—and it wasn't just the poor girl's irritation.

And It Ain't: Bradley Cooper, Stephen Moyer, John Mayer

49 comments:

Quintessential Southerner said...

no keanu guesses please. thank you for your kindness.

Little Miss Smoke and Mirrors said...

To my mind, tuna = Piven.

And the rest of it fits his douchebaggery to a T.

Little Miss Smoke and Mirrors said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
shazzzba said...

OMG....FUNNY.

Oryx said...

i agree with the piven guess. loooser.

Kara said...

That is really funny.

AvaMore said...

No way is it Piven~ he is hardly "gorgeous"!

Hmmmm.

John Mayer & Bradley Cooper both dated Aniston.....could this be a clusie...let me investigate.

If he wasn't married, and no way wouldn't cheat on Angelina, think arrows would be pointing at Brad Pitt!

AMD said...

The nots are a clue. All the name end in -er. And what's with the cooking and food refs? Somebody that has something to do with cooking? Am I reading waaaaay too much into it?

Who was on that cooking show with Nicholas Brendon?

AvaMore said...

Gerard Butler for the possible win~ v v sad if true....in a movie w/Aniston like Bradley, rumours of dating like John, sort looks like Stephen, also foreign.....

What do you guys think?

AvaMore said...

Just saw AMDs comment.

Yup.

Gerard for the win.

Little Miss Smoke and Mirrors said...

No way is it Piven~ he is hardly "gorgeous"!

AvaMore - I know Ted's hard to read, but he describes the woman as "gorgeous," not Fruzzy. He describes Fruzzy as "handsome enough" and having a "quasi-sculpted bod."

Butler's a great guess and it certainly may be him, but "tuna" still smells Pivenesque to me.

Lisa (original) said...

Quintessential Southerner, way to take the wind out of my sails! lol, Guess I'll get on the Gerard bus then even though, he's no longer even remotely "quasi-sculpted.

sunnyside1213 said...

Is Piven very very famous? But the "tuna" points to him. Please don't be Gerry. I love him.

Daaimah said...

I say Leonardo DiCaprio. Wasn't there a blind item reveal awhile ago about him not being able to get down with the get down.

Gerard Butler is also a good guess too.

not on my dollar said...

Lainey had a blind similar to this one a while ago about Leonardo and a woman that he picked up at a club in Vegas.


I don't know if it's true or if Lainey and Ted's B.I.'s are credible at all.

whole_lotto _luv said...

"Tuna"=chicken of the sea/Jessica Simpson. John Mayer dated Jessica Simpson.

Johnny Knoxville has a home in the Hollywood Hills (per http://www.celebritydetective.com/). Didn't Jessica Simpson have a fling with him? I'm gonna go with the jackass dude.

Not a strong argument, just throwing it out there.

selenakyle said...

@AvaMore--I think the "gorgeous brown-locked luscious one" refers to the chick, not the guy.

I immediately thought of Megan Fox for the gal.

No ideas about the guy, but I cannot IMAGINE Megan Fox would want to f*ck Piven or be anywhere near so excited at the chance.

I thought of someone totally up there like Clooney for some reason...

Someone who lives n the H Hills...

AvaMore said...

Ah~ you are right Little Miss....do we call him sculpted tho...?

True Not On....I remember that one as well....

But still think, (sadly, cause I love him too!!!!) our man Gerry.

Lori said...

I thought of Adrian Grenier for this.

ms_wonderland said...

I think the 'bit' and 'bites' are clues to playing a vampire, and Gerry played a vamp. Also all the aints end in 'er'.

whole_lotto _luv said...

ms_w, Butler played a vampire?
Stephen Moyer, isn't he in that vampire show? That would wrap it all up. I think you changed my mind - Gerard Butler ftw.

g said...

Clooney... ok probably not it, but it makes me laugh

RocketQueen said...

I think the Butler guess is great - I was thinking it had something to do with all the last names ending in "er", too.
Definitely a lot of food references, tuna and "squeal!" - like a pig?
The only problem is that I would say Gerard is definitely sculpted, and moire than "handsome enough". There are also no clues as to whether he's a musician or actor, which is unusual, and leading me to believe it might not be an actor.

svd said...

I'm going with the DiCaprio guess.
Because:
-He's just signed up for Aquaman... hence the fish reference?
-He was recently photographed hanging out on the beach with some gorgeous models. One of which had long brown wavy hair.
-He lives in the Hollywood Hills.

mngddess said...

For God's sake, could someone translate? I'm too old and tired to decipher. Thank you.

mngddess said...

AMD, AvaMore..my God you girls are smart....

linoge1 said...

I would like to think this is Butler.But how does the tuna add up?
I always thought Butler was more Bi- sexual or gay.

Can someone tell me if these ever will be revealed.Link??

AvaMore said...

--Bows with a flourish-- Why thank you mngddess! ;)

Although, as much as it feels right, I truly would hate to think of Gerry this way~ he looks just like my man, so I feel a certain "proprietress" w/him!!

Lissette said...

Can't see Leo for this...
quasi-sculpted??? No way! Have you seen his potbelly in surfer shorts look? I am leaning towards Gerard Butler. I remember reading an article where a magazine sent a reporter who had no idea who he was interviewing (even when he got there) and Gerard went through the trouble of looking for information on him and movies he's made to show the guy interviewing him. He was described as excited to do so, actually.

Lissette said...

P.S. all of these "and it ain't" are somehow connected to Jennifer Aniston, either by "supposedly dating, movie, or events they were pictured in together (Moyer). I remember before Moyer came out as dating Paquin, there was a rumor about him and Jennifer Aniston, so I am strongly leaning on the Gerry guess since he is in a movie with her. Has he done any cooking movies, etc.?

BigMama said...

In my heart I know this is probably Gerard Butler, but damn, I want it to be Jude LAw sooooooooooo bad because of the fuzzy....LOL

linoge1 said...

But what's with the tuna stench??

And does Ted ever reveal the blinds??

sunnyside1213 said...

Gerry has a restaurant in LA and just bought a house out there.

Ted never reveals.

lutefisk said...

I have a question--this obviously came from the woman, not whoever the blind is about. How do we know it is even true, or in fact made up by a scorned fan? Anyone can start a rumor. However, I would like it to be Ben Affleck, & he was in "He's Just Not That Into You" with Jennifer Aniston.

Cheryl said...

My first thought was Leo, but you guys have convinced me it's Mr. Butler.

not on my dollar said...

Adrian Grenier?

Catherine said...

Could it be Aaron Eckhart? He was in 'No Reservations' with CZJ and I think he was romantically linked to Jennifer Aniston....

d said...

I wonder if the vampire references were meant to identify the woman -- Asia Argento was in a French movie titled in English, "Love Bites"

Kim said...

Also, AvaMore - Brad Pitt is NOT married.

Jaiden_S said...

Gerard Butler was in Vampire 2000. I think he's our guy.

ardleigh said...

Gerry and Megan Fox.

shazzzba said...

IN ANOTHER BLIND DIDN'T G.B. HAVE A PHOTO OF HIMSELF IN FULL 300 ATTIRE NEXT TO HIS BED .....

RagDoll said...

I actually thought Leonardo DiCaprio right off, too. I was so convinced too, until reading all the Butler references, but it still feel like DiCaprio. "Tuna-stench" could be a hint that nods towards the beach photos we've been seeing of DiCaprio lately, or, in a more disgusting turn of events a reference to the fact that he was hanging around with a bunch of girls in those pics (if so, eeew, Ted, eeew).

Quintessential Southerner: "Orange you glad I didn't say..." heh heh heh heh!

Reeves actually didn't cross my mind because of the self-Googling, computer reference. For someone who avoids publicity and being photographed when he's not actually working,to the point where he tries to make it a monetarily worthless pursuit for photogs by dressing the same all the time (devalues the pics) this particular manifestation of narcissism doesn't fit, compared to some of the other actors whose names are in the hat.

TinselSass said...

I think GB has too good a sense of humor and true swagger to be this kind of pathetic performer. Or at least, his PR machine has me fooled. I'd hate it to be Leo but Mr. Faux Green himself is my bet.

Moira said...

Gerard Butler has been in New York since June filming The Bounty with Jennifer Aniston. He has only had a few days in LA since then for TUT premiere/press stuff and also a few days in London but been on East Coast rest of the time.

telesma said...

Gerard Butler. He was a marine biologist in Nim's Island. :)

Dawn said...

I believe this is TOTALLY Jared Leto

MarcomMom said...

I don't think Gerard Butler dates many women. According to earlier reveals and what I've read online from women who've been with him, he just buys the women he finds attractive some stuff for awhile and then cuts them off with barely a goodbye.

MarcomMom said...

Also, although he may have bought a better place, I had read he owns a condo in the valley.