Friday, August 21, 2009

Your Turn

I loved all the recipes from last week. I know many of you bookmarked the page, but I want you to know there is also a link over on the left side of the site now and hopefully in the next few days will have a pretty picture to go with it. Because I didn't want to miss any of the recipes by trying to group them into meals I have been going in order which will make for some very interesting combinations of food. So far, I have tried the first four and I will write a report about them after I have ten.

This week I was reminded of something that happens all too often in the workplace. Bad co-workers. Oh we have all had them. There is probably some guy who stunk or someone who wouldn't shut up about who they had sex with the night before or how they talk about stuff that is not interesting to anyone but themselves. Today then I want to hear your worst co-worker stories. Everyone has someone who did something or they couldn't stand. Someone who cheated with everyone in the office or made that Christmas party extra special. Anything and everything about your best co-worker memory.

61 comments:

Kara said...

I've had lots of co-workers that just hated me. It must be them, no waaaaaay it could be me. However, other than petty meanness - only one co-worker stands out.

She was about 40. Seemed mentally slow. Was chubby. Somehow, it was my job to tell her that her clothes were inappropriate for work. Every day she wore extremely short skirts and no panties. And she had to bend over a lot for filing. It was interesting.

MontanaMarriott said...

Being in the arts I am so NOT a morning person. I had a co-worker once who was cheery, sweet and chatty the moment I would come in and the bitch would not stop. She drove me fucking nuts. She would proceed to tell me about her life, family, etc as if I gave a fuck. From that point on I made it a point NOT to befriend co-workers.

GladysKravitz said...

I'm a nurse and I used to work with a nurse--let's call him Henry. We had a saying--if you see Henry with a backpack......RUN! We were all afraid he would go postal.

So Henry worked 7a-7p. As we all know, nursing is a 24/7/365 kind of job. It's nice when we get off work on time, but it's kind of a 50-50 gamble in most units. Well, this day was so busy that we were running out of nurses. The head of the unit--the nurse that goes to meetings and shuffles papers--even came out of the office so that she could be the charge nurse and the charge nurse could take patients. The OR was churning out patients and we could not keep up.

So 7:00 rolls around and then 7:15 and no relief shows up for Henry. He goes up to the department director (now acting as the charge nurse) and says in his scary-precise way, "As you know, I am scheduled to leave the premises at 7:00 PM. It is now 7:17 PM and I have not been able to give report to my relief. "

Our director, who was a no-nonsense kind of gal, said, "That's because I ain't go no relief for you. Hold your horses and when I have someone, I'll send them to you. Until then, just sit tight with your patients."

Henry was clearly angry, and he just walked away. When Henry was angry, it was scary. His face got contorted and turned a bright red. All of his upper body became stiff, so he walked like Frankenstein.

Several of us were afraid that he was going for his gun or his bow and arrow (he hunted deer with a bow and arrow--he was just an odd guy). But he just went back to his little corner and then a few minutes later, he asked a nurse in his area to watch his patients while he went to the restroom.

He returned a few minutes later, and then about fifteen minutes after that, two city policemen walked into the unit. They went up to the department director, who was behind the desk, still trying to direct patient flow. "Excuse me, but we received a report from a man named Henry X that he is being held against his will."

I thought the director's head was going to fly off. Instead, when we were drowning in patients, she took Henry and the cops back to her office, and used five minutes of her precious time to settle the situation. The cops left. Henry stayed. He was suspended the next day--but not fired!

As far as I know, he's still doing patient care. He is one of about five reasons I left that hospital. I was literally scared to come to work every time he was there, because it just seemed a matter of time before he really did go over the edge and I was afraid I'd get caught in the gunfire.

.robert said...

Let's see:

The guy that no one can understand what the hell he is saying (in Spanish and English).

The Smoker, 20 minutes of every hour all day long.

This is from when I was in the military, but the Parent who decided to marry another GI and that is why I always get night shifts and have to work on holidays.

Just stupid lazy people who fail to do their work so you do it for them and it isn't like it was hard work so you never understand why they can't do it but it is infinitely better to do it yourself than wasting time trying to make them do it.

I could go on but finally, Me!, pedant and know-it-all.

Hilary said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Coloratura said...

Earlier in my career, I took a job at a recruiting firm in a big city on the West Coast, mostly out of desperation.

The owner of the firm had cancer and was sort of out of it. She appointed a very flamboyant gay guy to run the place. I have nothing against gays, but this guy set off my Crazy Meter, something fierce.

He would bring me coffee in the morning and I *always* felt like he was lacing it with something. I wouldn't drink it. Something about the way he'd set it down on my desk and look at me was just all wrong.

It was pure entertainment to listen to him bullshitting clients on the phone. In addition to his over-the-top personality, he would just outright lie to clients, sending totally unqualified temps to various companies. I think he would have eventually run the company into the ground, or at least got it involved in several lawsuits.

One day, he announced to everyone that he was HIV+ and was dying. Not a big surprise. His behavior took a fast downturn from that point on. It was rumored he was doing coke and his behavior certainly seemed to back that up.

Not long after that, he didn't show up to work one day. We all speculated as to what could have happened. And that night, turning on the news, we found out.

He ended up in a shoot-out in a fleabag motel, a coke/sex deal gone wrong. I think he was wounded in the shoot out, can't remember. He was sent to jail. The newspaper did an interview and he said that he would die there, that he had no family. I think he most likely did.

Working there/with him was one of the weirdest 3 months of my life.

Hilary said...

I used to work at a vocational rehab for the mentally ill- Our staff was 30% representative of the population and we had between 20-80 clients in the office at any given time- I have a lot of stories to choose from. Ever work with a person suffering from borderline personality disorder- it is TOUGH, as a result of their disease, they do everything they can to make you NOT like them and they are also really needy- its a brutal combination and my heart goes out to people that live with it.

bramblewitch said...

I wish I could post mine, but I still work there and it needs to be anonymous.

AnonMom said...

Same here, bramblewitch!

All I'm going to say is that if you're going to preach sanitation, you should wash your hands more often.

Kate said...

My former coworker may be appearing on American Idol this season.

During college, I waitressed at a restaurant in Woburn, Mass. It's an upscale chain and I transferred there from another location, so I was kind of new, but knew how to do my job.

This chain location had four college student servers and the rest were lifers. The lifers, including this girl, did everything to make sure that the "rich," "privileged" college students didn't make as much money as them, for why would we need it if we would eventually have a cushy college degree? >:-O

This redheaded waitress was rude, fat and to top it off, she got pregnant, didn't tell anyone, and drank throughout her pregnancy.

She used to be a hairdresser and spent all of her money on makeup and beauty supplies while taking food handouts for her child from relatives.

She then decided to start every pre-shift meeting by telling the entire staff about "someone" (always me) who was doing stuff wrong, never naming me or speaking to me privately.

American Idol went to this exact restaurant to film a segment during Boston auditions. And this girl is an avid singer.

If it's her, I'm going to the tabloids. I swear to God.

JudyPatooty said...

There was the secretary who was so desperately man-hungry that she wore a big flower tucked behind her left ear EVERY SINGLE DAY because she had once heard that it meant that you were available to date. As opposed to wearing your big f***ing flower behind your right ear, which meant you were married.

Perhaps if our office had been in Tahiti then men would have understood her coded message. As it was, everyone - men, especially - just thought she was nuts and avoided her like the plague.

nichole said...

No one in particular stands out, but it annoys me to no end when people clip their nails at the office. Ick. Nast.

*Miss_P* said...

I had a colleague who took a week off sick.
He returned a week later with a fabulous suntan.
A week later another colleague came to work with her sons's holiday photos.
Our colleague had been on a stag-holiday and was snapped in the holiday pics.
The thing is, we are teachers and het 12 weeks off a year so taking a week of sick for a holiday was a bit of a liberty.

Kate said...

Re: the American Idol coworker:

I just Googled American Idol filming at the restaurant. It is not the horrible pregnant drinking waitress. It is another former coworker of mine.

She's pretty nice. She boned the bartender, but she's nice.

diatribes and dish said...

I've had a bunch of co-workers that bug the piss out of me, so none stand out. My best co-worker memory, however, is having sex with a co-worker on the floor of my office. That was memorable.

AvaMore said...

My ex-coworker weasled her way into a friendship with me, then a relationship with my husband-at-the-time~ they are now married.

But I thank her all the time~ because I broke up with my ex, I now am with the most wonderful man in the western world.

It was v v v hard at the time though, I lost my job as well because I gave her a verbal beatdown in the middle of a bunch of other co-workers, so everyone would be sure to know what she did....ha, always wonder what it was like for her to go to work there after~ she no longer works there either......;)

Wow~ thanks for reading my novel!

kelly said...

Well there is one...I am VERY tolerant of almost anything as I have worked with all men for the past 18 years (plumbers, gas fitters etc) so I have heard and seen it all or so I thought. We had this employee about 6 years ago who decided to see if he could piss me off (takes a lot). He started telling me about sex he had with this women and it was the grossest thing I had ever heard. I told him to stop, he wouldn't, I left the room, he followed, finally I called my boss and told him I was going to file a complaint if he didn't shut him up. I am the manager of this company and do the hiring and firing but this particular employee was older than me and never did anything I told him until he checked with the owner. I fired him shortly after but to this day have never told ANYONE (not even my husband) what he said. I truly had no idea words could be put together that would be that offensive.

Momster said...

I once had a male boss who told me I had the perfect hips for childbearing! WTH!? He later married a woman he picked as a mail order bride from overseas. She was his second choice, the first declined.

My hubby once had to share offices in the early 1990's while remodeling was done. He had to share w/ a co-worker that had all this Star Trek Next Generation memorablilia. She had this life-size cutout of Captain Picard that always creeped my hubby out, and if she got mad at him, she phasered him. No joke.
Can't wait to hear about the recipes.

JJ said...

I can't decide which was worse.

I walked in on two people who were making out in a storage room at work. Both were married to other people at the time and both came up to me to try to explain the situation. The woman said the man was in love with her and talked about marrying and having a baby once she got divorced. The man said the woman was having marriage trouble and he was just helping her out. The man is/was/will always be a total sleeze.

At a pharma job I sat next to an idiot in HR who used the speakerphone for everything. One day I seriously laughed out loud when I heard her call a prospective employee...

'Hello, is this Mr. Cum Laude'

Lissa THEEE Pissa said...

The one who drinks black coffee and smokes all day long and has horrible poopy breath and bad teeth.

The one who stands way to close to you when she talks and makes it even hard to move an inch or her face will be right in yours, as she tells you about having sex with her therapist.

The too short, female pattern balding one who was brought in as a manager and ended up finding ways of terminating certain employees until one day the owner came in and escorted her from the building himself.

The boss's daughter who got paid six figures to run a marketing department which consisted of making personal phone calls and lunch dates all day, and hiring other companies to do marketing jobs. She's also the one who used to bring her dog to work who was a Jack Russell and would nip the customers' legs much to their horror, but would have a hissy fit if an employee had to bring a child into the office, but brought her own baby in and worked from home the minute she had one.


I could go on...

ElsieFire said...

Worked at a bar with a really great gal who was the manager. She was married to this really uptight guy who would always come into the bar just before shift ended for the night to pick her up. They always fought, always about the same shit: was she fucking around on him.

About two months after I moved away, I got a call from a friend to let me know that he killed her and then shot himself.

Syko said...

Worst coworker ever - let's call her Amanda. Bleached blonde with heavy kohl all the way around the eyes, she spoke with a shrill nasal hick accent (think "Alabama redneck white trash psychopath") and stomped around the office so hard it shook things on the desk. She worked for the managing partner and she thought SHE was the managing partner. She would sabotage your work. If you had the day off sick, she would go through your desk and rearrange things. She'd lie to the lawyers about you. She always had one chosen victim and more than one of us admits that when we'd see her picking on a new person, we'd wipe our brows and go "whew". Once I had a tube of hand cream that she didn't like the smell (mango) so she stole it and threw it away, after several trips through the office shrieking about having to get a clothespin for her nose.

Then there was Debby, who wore bedroom slippers to work. And sheer, too-short blouses over her size 24 body, so her stomach roll was exposed.

Julie, who wore the same black skirt every day (I gave her a bunch of clothes but she said they were too colorful for her - all those navies and browns and grays) and when she sat down, would hike the skirt up so short that her buttocks showed, then sit down with her legs spread. Her desk was in a public area, so it was free beaver shots every day.

James, who had an affair with a client's wife, denied it hotly for weeks, then the wife decided to reconcile with the husband and turned on James and tape recorded their telephone conversations. James was a dumbass in spite of having gotten a perfect score on the bar exam the year before. Once the client played the tapes for the managing partner, he didn't last long.

Last but not least were Sarah and Jason. Both married to others, he with children, they had a torrid affair. I worked for Sarah and she would give me every detail of the affair, including size of peen, etc. Jason missed his kids after his wife moved out and left him, but Sarah's husband, who had never worked a day in his life, was more forgiving because he didn't want to give up being supported by her. Both ended up spending days in alcoholic stupors, getting fired, and going somewhere. I hear they are still together, but she's still not divorced.

I could go on for hours. Law firms are hotbeds for the insane and ridiculous.

Pandora said...

Larry.

Larry was an odd duck all the way around. Annoying as hell, but he seemed harmless. Seemed like a real digger - within weeks of his hiring we all noted that he was first in the office in the morning and last to leave at night.

We all felt a bit bad for our very attractive receptionist, as Larry would hover near her desk more than she appreciated. Still no real alarm bells.

After a few months, the security company found the back door to the office open and entered. Of course Mgmt was called to come check the premesis and ensure that it was locked up and the alarm re-armed.

Larry was found by the Mgr sleeping in a storage room that had been 'redecorated' as if it were his own little home. There was a hot plate, foodstuffs and a cot - and some really funky reading material.

Our receptionist's gently perfumed sweater that had gone missing from her office chair was clutched tightly up to his face while Larry slumbered away.

Note that Larry had a house, wife and three kids.

Yep... Larry was the worst.

The other real gem was... Heather. We'll call her Heather.

She'd been hired to train under me as I was prepping to move to another position. Heather had no filter.

One day, I'd gotten news that my Mom had some medical test results come back that weren't so great. Ms. Heather overheard me talking to my Boss about the various issues and I made the mistake of making an innocuous joke, "Jeepers! It's like the warranty is running out." I was really concerned about the many medical issues she was facing all at once.

Ms. Heather piped up, "Maybe she just isn't getting enough sex? Your Mom might just need a really good lay."

Yep - she absolutely went there about my 72 y/o sick Mom. And yep, she knew how old my Mom was.

Sweet girl, that one.

braverwoman said...

Oooh - I love this topic! I've got shit on my "fellow" co-workers going back to the 70's. Sounds vindictive, but you gotta call it as you see it.

1. The office gay who at one time tried to pretend he was straight by commenting on my ass and once while I was bent over ran the edge of a file folder down my ass-crack.

2. The office dirty old man who unzipped his fly and pulled his shirt tail through it and "flashed me". Musta learned that one in jr. high.

3. The office asshole whom nobody liked. I worked for a large HMO as a personnel recruiter. We accidently hired an axe-murderer (not kidding - he lied on his app). We made the office asshole fire him in case the guy went nuts again.

4. The office white-trash-weirdo-chick (professional term). She was super skinny, greasy hair, coke-bottle glasses, huge blackheads on her greasy face - and did not wear underwear! She used to sit on people's desks to talk. When she got up there would be wet spots.

I could go on...

Sylvia said...

I work at an office with 2 bosses. Next door to me is the CEO he has 2 secretaries. One of girls likes to come over and ask me for supplies. Which I don't mind but if you need the same thing over and over than I do mind. Also she started asking for my food supply again I don't mind once or twice but more than twice I do mind. Anyway this has been going on forever. I hate being rude and was trying to think of a way not to sound too rude. I decided to send an email to both girls that because of the economy my food supply and office supply was limited and if they needed something they would need to replace what they take. Anyway she girl that likes to ask for my stuff had stopped but again she started doing it again so I asked her when she was ordering her supplies especially if she uses the same stuff over and over. I just don't understand why this pest doesn't get it to stop bugging me.

Princess Shyness said...

I worked with a woman who was so gleefully obnoxious it would make you want to take your shoe off and hit her with it. She was pretty delighted with her life and loved to talk about it. All the time. I lost count of how many times I heard her say that nothing less than a Cadillac was good enough for her ass. She talked non-stop about her personal life, which was preferable to hearing about her cringe-worthy political and social views. On topics like ebonics, affirmative action, etc.

Although she didn't stint on basic hygiene, she was a bit overzealous with the perfume. To the point where you could actually taste it if you used the phone after her.

To be fair, she did do me a few good turns. When I worked with her, I was trying to quit smoking. As soon as she heard this, she wouldn't shut up about how hard it had been for her and how she'd gained 20 pounds, blah, blah, blah. More from spite than anything, I vowed to myself not only to quit but lose 10 pounds. And I did. It was hard, but her daily presence motivated me like nothing else.

This story does have a happy-ish ending. Although we never became friends, I did develop a real respect for her. Looking back I was probably a white hot bitch around her, but she was unfailingly polite, in spite of everything. And she did finally ease up on the social commentary after a few 'spirited' discussions.

figgy said...

I had a coworker who didn't like it when I asked to look at some of his data on a project.

So after I walked away, he had a nervous breakdown, right then and there in the office. Or should I say, on the office floor. He slumped to the floor, lay on his back pounding his heels and clenched fists on the carpet, with his head flailing back and forth, screaming and moaning.

Finally some people got him into an office where he proceeded to scream and yell more, much of it consisting of MY NAME and the rest in Hindi.

Someone almost called an ambulance, but they got him calmed down and his wife came and picked him up. I was told that "no one blamed me," but still, holy shit.

A couple days later he was back, came over to my cube babbling about how his Holy Man had told him he had to forgive me, blah blah. I'm like, "okay, I don't know what I did but..." and he'd interrupt me with "no! no! I forgive you!"

The thing is--I hardly ever worked with him. I have no idea what that was all about, but I avoided him until I left a few months later.

.robert said...

@JJ,

I forgot about the speakerphone freaks. If you set off one of those canned horns every time they activate you have a good chance of training them out of the behavior.

Sylvia said...

It's hard to decide whose story is worst hahaha.

Moosefan said...

Worked for an MD that was so cheap he would: buy his medical instruments at the flea market-the stainless steel ones, he lived close to the beach and his toupee always had sand in it, his bonus to the employees was a $25 voucher to his brothers restaraunt.
Was targeted by an angry lady. I did not meet her until working for the company for 6 weeks. She had been out due to a hysterectomy. Anywho-she targeted me-asked me if I had any "black" in my family tree because I had "black" hips-whatever that meant. Would take my supplies and then complain that I would not share supplies, then she went to human resources and accused me of hitting her in front of the patients and said that I called her the N word. When I got called into human resources, I had gotten the page that a family member had been in a horrible accident and I needed to get to the hospital. I told the mgr that I needed to leave, employee said I needed to leave because I was guilty I said no, there has been an accident.I could not leave until they got the statement. Top it all off, while I was in there, she took 5 messages from my family telling me to get there ASAP and then with a smile on her face as I am walking out of the office says "You need to talk to your family because they keep calling here about someone dying". That is how I found out my brother in law and 2 other coworkers had been killed in an accident. There was an investigation from NAACP, ACLU and our legal department and nothing was founded. Dumb Bitch still sat 4 feet from me during the investigation. I got a card a couple of times telling me to hang in there and that everything would work out-but it was not signed. On my exit interview from the company, I asked why I had to go through all of that and why no one stuck up for me. Come to find out, this woman had targeted other employees over the years and was a bully. Everyone was afraid of her because she played the race card. Found out later that her 2 sons got sentenced to life in prison for their part in a drug deal/murder, that another employee ended up filing charges against her and sued the company for a hostile work enviroment and the dumb bitch for harassment-(ps-they won $300,000)

Elle Kaye said...

I was fired in March for the first time. Ever. I'm 33 years old and have been working since I was 15, maybe 16; that's a pretty good length of time to never get fired. So I have all of this anger built up over it. For instance, I wish the restaurant would go through an epic fail and then, maybe the owner who fired me would get some more young waitresses pregnant, and the teeth already rotting from his mouth would fall out. Basically, everything that anyone wishes on someone they hate.

His teeth are so gross. They look like you could take your fingernail and scratch the plaque off and maybe there would be white enamel underneath. How can someone look at that mess in the mirror everyday and do nothing about it? If you are narcissistic enough to spend over $100,000 on BMWs and take up jogging for a few weeks every few years, why can't you brush your fucking teeth? It's disgusting. And when teeth appear gray, the breath behind those teeth...well, let's say you can smell how long it took for that breath to travel from the 9th circle of Hell to escape that awful vessel.

This guy owns a restaurant in the neighborhood where I live. I worked there for almost 8 years. He had kids with a friend of mine who was also a waitress there briefly. I guess he thought it was a great idea to start fucking her best friend a month after he moved out of their house. So, I spent the better part of a year listening to the two of them tell me about sleeping with him, confusion about their relationships, and how he wanted more children with one and a whole new gaggle of babies with the other. Time well spent, right?

Shockingly, I managed to be pretty diplomatic for that year and keep all these dirty secrets for him. (I'm a single parent and I REALLY needed my job.) I finally screwed up. I got a text message from a lesbian in NYC asking me if HER GIRLFRIEND slept with Satan's Breath, too. Wow. I slipped and, because it seemed so absurd at the time, I told the girl with the two kids. She went ape shit on him and he let me hang out for a few weeks. I think that's because I was going to NYC with his other girlfriend and one of the managers so he didn't want to ruin their trip. The next weekend he approached me and said, "Hey, I hired someone to cover your shifts; tonight was your last night."

I left relieved and embarrassed. I knew I should never have mentioned the lesbian text but I was finally off the hook. The best part is, I told everyone that asked the truth about why I thought I was fired and he told everyone, including Unemployment, that I just wouldn't work more shifts. He wanted three and that's what I worked.

He recently switched his business to cash only and is being audited. I guess he won't be alleging to have spent that cash on aesthetic self improvements.

braverwoman said...

Oh Moosefan how awful! My heart goes out to you. I think, unfortunately, you win the worst co-worker story. I'm so sorry about your brother-in-law and the others who died. I'm shocked by that bitch's behavior. God has a place for her, but not near him.

GingerD said...

I worked with a guy who claimed to have both ADD and Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. We were both hired for the same job, which was to answer inbound client calls, open support tickets and distribute them to the techs. He'd play video games at his desk (to help his concentration of course)or compose 3 foot long emails to all his friends, but he couldn't do his job, because he claimed that his ADD prevented him from concentrating for long periods of time. Also, he'd KNIT, claiming that it was therapy for his wrists. I often wondered if playing bass in a band nights and weekends was also therapy. I spent a year doing twice the work for the same money before I found out that the dr's notes came from his FATHER, the dr, and the boss was a good friend of his older brother. As a Born Again Christian, he would wander the office, barking his beliefs in everyone's face, and brought in a 3 foot high cross he'd made out of coat hangers, stating that to ask him to remove it from his desk was religious discrimination. When he announced that he was leaving the company, he asked if anyone was going to throw him a party. "Oh, we'll be throwing a party, kiddo..." A Haz-Mat team was brought in after his departure to clean 2 years worth of boogers from under his desk, where he'd been wiping them. Supposedly, he left to attend a prestigious medical school- my guess is as a medical oddity. Years later, I was interviewing at a different company and during the tour, I spotted him- he was an employee. I turned the job down, simply because he was there!

Leah said...

I worked with this girl when I was 16 and she was 26, we were both receptionists and she seemed really nice... in the beginning. Actually I should say she was really nice and very happy, she really put you at ease and she had such a great and warm smile. She was a bit of a bigger girl but still pretty and seemed to enjoy showing off her naturally large breasts. Since we work in a casual office, I would wear a t-shirt and jeans to work. My co-worker would wear a knitted halter top and black dress pants. She was asked repeatedly to wear something more professional to work, and that she must have fabric three inches from her neck and her stomach must be covered. She said that she was comfortable with her body and anyone that didn't like it could just deal with it.
One day, while wearing a mid-rift bearing halter top she turned around in her chair quite fast and her entire boob fell out of her top and was laying to the side. Our boss, said to her, umm perhaps you should wear a different shirt to work, this one doesn't seem to be covering you very well. She looked down at her boob sitting outside her top- literally nips to the wind and she accused him of sexual harassment. She never went further that saying it loudly in the office, but from that point everyone thought she was crazy.
She managed to get the attention of a 30 year old delivery driver who asked her out while we were all sitting at our desk (three of us share a 20 foot desk) she was so excited she talked about it all day. The next day she came to work wearing the same slutty outfit that she wore to work and complaining from a kink in her neck. She told my and my other co-worker that she had a great time last night, but the deliver boy/man wouldn't let her up into his apartment because she'd been up earlier and his female roommate didn't like her, so they left and had sex in the backseat of her Honda hatchback. They fell asleep in the back of the car and he left in the middle of the night and she woke up alone in his car garage where she drove herself to work without bothering to go home and shower/change. My co-worker and I were absolutely floored! We thought she might be nuts. If that treatment was bad enough, they continued to see each other, with her spending the night in her car (because she lived at home with her mom)and she'd tell us when she'd get lucky and her boyfriends roommate would be sleeping when they got back, so she'd be allowed to stay the night in his bed, but she'd have to be up early and outta there before she caught her.
Within two months she was pregnant, she told us that she conceived in the back of her car, and we found out she was bipolar or something, but due to her pregnancy she was unable to take her medications. Which led to crying fits and sobbing in the bathroom. She was horribly mean to all the co-workers and she'd complain that she wasn't sexy anymore. She would yell at customers and then burst into tears at her desk. It was terrible.
The boyfriend dumped her before the second trimester, he couldn't handle the mood swings.
I felt really bad for her, I did, but I felt worse for this poor baby entering such a messed up situation.
She was one of the worst co-workers I've had.

Majik said...

I'm pretty sure I AM the annoying co-worker.

mwah ha ha

Leah said...

Eeep! That was super long, sorry!
Pandora- we had a "Larry" but not as bad. We thought he was so determinded because he was always the first to work and the last to leave. The only issue was that he kept asking for money and cash and couldn't wait for payday. Then we found out he was sleeping in one of our shop vehicles out in the back and one of our other co-workers knew about it and was bringing him blankets and coats. He eventually left the company and stayed in a crack shack motel 30 mins away after our boss gave him a bunch of cash. One of our co-workers ran into him and said hey and remember when you worked for (our company) to which he had ZERO recollection.
He also was looking for our boss and he walked up to our boss (Dave) and said "Hey have you seen Dave?" This is after he'd worked there for four months and had received over $600 in cash advances from the boss's own pocket.

Miranda said...

Hmm. I don't have any horror stories quite as bad as that!

I did have a manager once who micromanaged everything I did to the point where I had to take two weeks of stress leave from the company (I quit instead of returning). I was the fifth person under her who'd quit in two years; at what point does the company realize their managers are driving employees away?

She drove me to tears more than once and I spent most of my lunch hours weeping until I wanted to vomit. One morning, she called me into a meeting with her and her supervisor. She started the meeting by aggressively asking me, "Do you even want to be here?" Um, way to put me on the spot. I wish I'd said, "no, there is no one in their right mind who'd want to work for you."

I wrote a long letter to HR after I quit detailing my grievances but they didn't care. They said there was a grievance process and I should have stuck around for it. Yeah, I prefer being sane, thank you very much.

She got restructured out of her job less than a year later. That made me feel a lot better!

Leah said...

LMAO at GingerD!

"A Haz-Mat team was brought in after his departure to clean 2 years worth of boogers from under his desk, where he'd been wiping them."

Tasty!

Ms. Hathaway said...

I've been pretty lucky as far as co workers go, but one woman (who friended me on Facebook and then didn't like what I had to say about John McCain) then told the entire rest of the staff that I am an atheist (doesn't actually say that anywhere, nor is it 100% true, only 85%)and I received three books at Christmas about tuning into my spirituality & giving of myself to give to the lord.

I immediately Freecycled them, because not only am I an atheist, but also a hippie.

Little Miss Smoke and Mirrors said...

Well, this one is pretty easy for me. I work somewhere that had a disgruntled employee who came in and hunted down his two bosses and shot them dead before turning the gun on himself. Three senseless deaths. I don't know if I'll ever recover.

You hear of people going postal, but when it becomes personal, it really fucks with your head. For about a week after it happened, all I could do was watch mindless television or sleep because it was unbearable to think about it. I still cannot reconcile the guy I knew with the guy who left three families - including his own - devastated. Some of the people who actually witnessed it are so traumatized, they were never able to return to work.

jbdean_79 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Harriet Hellfire said...

A fellow postal worker (several years ago) who didn't shower more than maybe once a week. We shared a district and he smelled like the garbage does when you forgot to take it out the same nigh as you had shrimp for dinner. He asked me out once. I politely declined.

A current co-worker that I have been seeing around the office for a long time, who NEVER smiles. EVER. I always reacted to it, I would say hello in the elevator or break room and she barely acknowledges me. Now she has moved to the other side of my cubicle wall. And she is an ANGRY person! Everything that comes out of her mouth is a complaint, or calling someone an idiot, she is rude to people on the phone. There is this little mean cloud of bitterness around her at all times. And still, after 3 years in the same office, I have NEVER seen her crack a smile. Of course, this means I have to be overly nice to her every time I see her. I smile and say hello in my very chirpiest voice. So she probably thinks I am her most annoying coworker!

My previous manager who talks with food in her mouth, doesn't understand the concept of personal space, and can't differentiate between "your" and "you're". All major pet peeves of mine.

And, to top it off: Just the other day, I was in the washroom, in a stall, taking care of bidness. Someone comes in and enters the stall next to mine, and takes a massive, explosive, stinky shit.

The leaves the bathroom WITHOUT WASHING HER HANDS.

And the worst part is, I still have no idea who it was! I am afraid to touch anything in the office!

B626 said...

Had a guy back in the 80's always trying to get me to read his 'wife swapping' mags that his wife and him were 'into'. I BET she was.
He's curently on his 3rd divorce, multple stalking charges, just got out of prison.

shakey said...

Moosefan, your story made me teary-eyed. Honestly, may she rot in hell.

I have a few stories:

Coworker who was jealous of my abilities (or anyone who ever worked with her). Real bully and loved to change the rules almost every day. 3 months into my job, I became pregnant and was terrified at what she would say. I miscarried and for a long time afterwards I blamed her for that. When Nicole Kidman had her miscarriage, she loudly said to someone else "maybe she lied about it" because "some women do that to get attention". Devastated me. I came home crying every day for 2 years except when she was on vacation. Everyone knew what a shrew she was, but no one did anything. Her twin was one v.p. among many. When I became pregnant again, I had an anxiety attack. Strangest thing I ever experienced. I was off for two months. Toughed it out to the end, then I was laid off as soon as my parental leave kicked in (me and a few others so I didn't take it too personally). I was relieved.

Where I work now - had a "supervisor" whose mother developed breast cancer. She announced to everyone she would take days off to escort her to treatments. One of our coworkers knew the mother. Chick never took her to the hospital/stayed with her.

Had a micromanager "team leader" who was like my first comonster in that she was very intimidated by people with more experience. I went from being one of the best in my dept to almost being the 2nd person ousted out of there because of her. I left the dept. A few months later, she tried to turf someone else. Writing was on the wall after that so she left - she had been bumped from dept to dept in that company. After she left, someone found a memo she wrote stating that people should only be allowed to go to the washroom during their breaks or at lunch, never at any other time. She supposedly left to pursue a career in HR. We all had a good laugh over that one.

ardleigh said...

I use to think the people on Jerry Springer were made up until I worked with two girls who were dating twin brothers. These brothers actually did end up on a talk show. They had each gotten these girls preggers and one of the girls family member too. Co-workerA's cousin slept with both brothers and didn't know which was the lucky daddy.

I work at a hospital.One lady in my department use to deliver meds AND steal lunches to every department she went into (even off
patient trays.)Unfortunately she was not only a compulsive eater but forgetful and left her lunch in a med cabinet. When the RN went to get Joe Blow in RM 210 a pain med,out also pops a BLT.

bonnjill said...

I worked in a very small company in Germany (6 people). Our 24-year-old intern who shared my office asked me out and I said no. A month later we found out that he and the boss's 42-year-old wife were now together. My boss and his wife divorced, and they dated for a year after that. He had the audacity to ask my boss for a letter of reference and threatened to sue if it was a bad one. It takes all kinds...

sprinkles said...

Let's talk about "Stacey."

"Stacey" is the asst. manager where I work. I have a hard time understanding why she got promoted to asst. manager but I'm not the boss so I don't get to make those decisions.

If you don't do things EXACTLY the same way Stacey does them - for example: putting things in the same in place in the file in the same exact order, etc - you're doing it wrong. If for some reason she has to go thru your file on your day off and it isn't put together EXACTLY the way she would put it together, she will make sure to tell everyone in the office that you don't know what you're doing because you didn't do it right.

She is always right, you are always wrong.

I have seen her repeatedly treat co-workers like shit and have been on the receiving end of being treated like shit. It's not fun! If she doesn't like you, she doesn't hold back. I think she finally figured out that I do not like her and I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO RESPECT HER so she's eased up on me a bit lately.

If you have a problem of any kind, no matter what it is - expect NO sympathy from her. She will tell you to your face that it's your problem, not hers. Unless it affects her immediate life directly, she's not interested in hearing about it.

When one co-worker's husband was in the hospital dying of terminal cancer, she stopped in for a few minutes one morning before she went to see him. Stacey could see the co-worker from her office window but refused to come out and say hello. Said later that unless the co-worker was there to work that there really wasn't anything to say to her. Um, maybe you could try saying, "Hello, how ya holdin' up?"

She couldn't possibly care less about my personal life but on occassion likes to share hers. Not sure why she thinks I'd want to hear about hers if she couldn't bear to lower herself to ask about mine once in awhile but whatever.

The manager is fully and completely aware of how the asst manager treats people. I know this because I know people have complained about Stacey yet the manager defends her.

If Stacey treats co-workers this way, I wonder how she's treating our customers?

Nicola said...

There's this one guy who I work with, not long after he started working he pulled out of a shift and had to get the owner to cover him because he wasn't feeling well. Turned out he had a hangover.

Recently he had been caught giving away free stuff to pay of his drug debts.

He should of been fired by now but this guy's parents are friends with the owner, so it's kinda awkward. But to make things worse, whilst the owner was on holiday the little shit came to his shift 30 mins late, and then closed up an hour early. So when the owner comes back next week and he finds out about this latest incident I'm crossing my fingers he will be fired.

AnonMom said...

Harriet Hellfire ... our coworkers must be clones of each other ... all of the ones you mentioned.

hammyjam said...

Well I work at a retail store. This one girl, who even though she was knew a lot of people liked her because she did good work, made a bad decision. She decided to steal money from the registers and steal merchandise. She got hauled away by the cops while at work. Oh yeah and she was barely 18 by only a month or so so she ended up being screwed probably.

Erin said...

We had a pharmacist called "Sam". He was a tall skinny guy that was ok at his job. He was a little weird in the way he would talk to the female techs. Just gave you the heebie-jeebies. Sometimes Sam liked to bike the 3 or 4 miles from home into work. He also wasn't very fond of deodorant. We all gave each other the "Oh shit" look when we saw him stroll in with copious amounts of sweat rolling down his face and his helmet in his hand.

One day Sam didn't come into work. We later found out he had complete mental breakdown from the stress off the job (24 hour pharmacies are TOUGH) and he would not be returning. He stayed in the local mental hospital for 3 months before being released. He is currently still working as a pharmacist. I have talked with other pharmacists who have been around for a long time and as soon as I mention his name....we share our "stories about Sam."

We also had a female pharmacist named "Sylvia". She took all kinds of legal prescribed meds for all of her valid diagnoses. She was actually good at her job and nice to all the techs. We knew she was going through a divorce and that was taking a toll on her and her children. But when we found out later she was stealing Oxycontin from the pharmacy we were actually shocked. She was fired. She is also still currently employed as a pharmacist. It takes all kinds....

ambernyc said...

I had a coworker once who was under the assumption that she was the best dispensary for advice ever. She also thought she was a doctor and would try to diagnose people any time they sneezed or coughed. She once told a girl who had been down with the flu for about a week to get checked out because she might have HIV. wtf?

Anyway, when I was six months pregnant I was placed on light duty and had the joy of working with her. First thing she says to me after our introduction? "Honey, I know a fabulous doctor who can help you to lose weight! Shedding those few extra pounds couldn't hurt!" My jaw hit the floor. I only put on maybe 20 pounds when I was preggo, and I had a huge bump- which I had to explain to her, because she thought it was just my stomach. Bleh

She was also the type who would leave Chick tracts and other religious notes/fliers/etc ANYWHERE SHE COULD. The bathrooms, the cafeteria, on and in other peoples' desks... she was a nightmare.

RagDoll said...

I worked as the assistant to a woman who was absolutely brilliant, and an amazing architect (with a Master's from Harvard GSD, no less)...but for all her brilliance she had NO people or management skills whatsoever. Her designs were gorgeous, otherworldy, unholy beautiful things...but to work in her office was a torment.

2 things she did still make my skin crawl 10 years after quitting that bitch:

1. After a phone call with a negative report from a jobsite regarding the progress of work, she threw an open, full can of Diet Coke at me. She threw it so hard that it left hole in the drywall next to my head (for which she had actually been aiming)

2. This is the one that made me leave: she was bad at the bank accounting, but was a control freak who didn't let anyone take over, so I used to take my paychecks to THEIR bank and CASH them, as opposed to risking the price of all the return check fees of a bounced check by depositing the check to my account. So, one day I got to their bank to cash it, and it bounces. No surprise. The surprise came when she found out I had tried to cash it and SHE incurred the "bounced check fees" She went ballistic, throwing things around the office and she actually BLOCKED the door with HER BODY when I tried to leave. Eventually i talked my way out the door, and i never looked back, not even to retrieve the sweater I had left hanging from the back of my chair.

Bxrlvr said...

I worked briefly for a dentist who required you fastidiously wash your hands then wipe them on a paper towel. After wiping, you had to flatten the paper towel back to it's original shape and carefully stack it in a box where it would be reused for items that he wrapped and sent to the dental lab. How cheap and unsanitary.

Another job - we had recently hired a guy with creepy eyes that I got bad vibes from. A bunch of girls were on a break in a private area and having a "girl talk", discussing a male co-workers anatomy that one of the firls had seen first hand, discussing how large it was. Creepy guy walks in on this conversation and decides to stay and listen. Later, he walked up to one of the girls when she was alone in a office area, unzips his fly, lays his equipment on the back of her chair and asks her if ne measured up. It turned out he had used a similar approach with at least a couple of other women and was let go a short time later for sexual harrassment.

Sara Bellum said...

Well one stands out to me. We should have seen the red flag when she ran out of the room during a meeting with a panic attack after another coworker was laughing so hard he started coughing. Apparently she was phobic about choking -- among other things. The list would increase exponentially as we got to know her.

We transferred her to our location, and over the past few months, discovered she was truly certifiably crazy and alarmingly unproductive. She claimed to be OCD and had to work from home at least 2X a week. After her antics I now believe it was a way for her to get out of working. She had SIX WEEKS to complete a project for a major release. Her agoraphobic partner (so yes, two crazies in a relationship) was allegedly "helping". Fast forward to a week before the due date, nothing is done. NOTHING. We had to bring in a contractor at the last minute, who managed to get enough done for the release in a week and a half.

She claimed she couldn't handle her original job AND the project. But then when she DID come in, she was one of those who spends half the day talking to others. 20 minutes at that coworker's cube, 20 minutes at the other coworkers cube, and so on. Also, she didn't pick up on visual or verbal cues to get out or leave. I had to result in being outright rude and mean to get her out of my office.

Oh and she's one of those who always had a "crisis" or a "tragedy" so she couldn't work for whatever reason. When she started all this crap about being to crazy to work at the office, I said you could get a note from your doctor. She claimed that she had to go visit a doctor and couldn't afford it. Now I know for a fact that you can get a note for free from whatever doctor diagnosed you, so I'm calling shenanigans on her "craziness".

The most classic with this woman was when a VP came in from another state and took all the women in the office out to dinner. She weaseled her way into getting her partner an invite - which I though was extraordinarily rude. Just because your partner is the same sex as the invitees, it doesn't mean she gets a free pass on a company dinner. However it was this woman's MO.

Well, we end up waiting for more than 45 minutes for her to show up before we break down and order appetizers. We wait another 20 minutes and give up and order our dinners. Time goes by, and one person leaves, saying that it was almost 8 and she had to get home to get her kids to bed. Mind you, we had to be at this dinner at 6:30. Then, at 8:15(!) The VP gets a phone call. It's her. She claims to be "lost" and asks if it's okay if she still comes. The others at the table just groan, and the VP cordially says "sure". More time passes by. She doesn't show. It's finally almost 9 and my coworker and I say that we have a long drive home and leave. I have no idea if she eventually showed up, nor do I care. I think she sent a half-assed apology email to my coworker.

Now I've been late, but I've realized it, I try and call the affected people as soon as possible so nobody waits like that for me. SO RUDE.

Christina Penn said...

The worst I dealt with was a former coworker (delightfully colorful) who, years later working for another company, hired me to replace her junior. Supposedly the junior was was incompetent at her job and judgmental that my friend was engaged to a married man.

So I started working for her and immediately I got a weird feeling. No one in the office was friendly toward her or me because I was associated with her. We were friends from our old job so we talked quite a bit and I learned she's the homewrecker who had caused the separation in the first place. They were on the phone 4 hours of an 8 hour work day. My boss was overseeing this guy's divorce (on the phone in her office), planning her lavish wedding (also on the phone in her office), and talking shit about every person in her life and the company. She hated her fiance's two children, who were annoying her with their emotional damage over their parents' split. Because she was so busy taking care of her personal biz at work, she didn't have time to actually do her work (she was strictly 8-5, 1 hr for lunch), so she had me do it all, plus my work.

She would get high before work and smoke joints at lunch, and every evening would get drunk and high as shit. She hated all coworkers (stupid) and would get into confrontations with everyone. But she would also smile and laugh like she was your best friend, and had all sorts of great stories of her wayward youth (and not-so-youth).

During the time that I was hired and new to the company my dad was in the terminal months of his life. I was very close to my dad, and my boss knew that and was close to hers too. After he died I couldn't hold myself together in the office, and she told me to go home because the CFO didn't want to have to walk past the desk of a crying employee. That if her father had died she would take a week off to deal. So I did, and went into the hole on leave, which she would later use on my performance evaluation as evidence of my poor work ethic.

I was also planning my wedding (set for the weekend before hers) but never did wedding stuff at the office since I was busy. The week before my wedding I was working OT, but not putting it on my timecard, because she said I had to get things done, but she wouldn't sign a timecard with OT.

After we were both married she was worse than ever. Once she hauled me into her office and screamed at me so loud about the OT I was working that she got a call from her boss to quiet down. She went to HR about me to file a reprimand, and I went up too to explain myself. When I got back to my desk she said "We're done," because I talked to HR.

The next afternoon at 4:45 my boss was again up with HR calling for my head. The weather was calling for snow flurries and though in our area that freaks many out, it isn't an emergency situation. But out assistant manager came around telling everyone to go home because the roads would be unsafe. I was carpooling with my husband and had to wait for him to pick me up. The manager said, "no you have to leave now." So my coworker offered to let me sit in her car with her and wait. A couple of minutes later we saw through the office window my boss, the HR director, and the largish IT guy clear out her office and escort her from the building. I was so afraid of her at this point my friend moved her car so we wouldn't be seen when she came out.

That night she called my house repeatedly. I was freaked out and wouldn't answer the phone. She left voicemails saying I had lied about her, gotten her fired, and probably she and her family would end up on the streets. Then some guy showed up at our house asking for some made up person and a few minutes later she left a VM saying, "I know you're there."

Since she knew where I lived, and I knew that she had guns, I was freaked and stopped answering the door and would run inside if a car like hers would drive by. To this day (nearly 6 years later) if I were to see this woman in public I will RUN the other way.

Anna said...

There are crazies everywhere. I have two favorites:

"Bob", a former boss, who would sleep sitting upright all day. He went through two divorces while I worked for him - both of them for cheating on the SAME WOMAN. He had anger management problems and his exes refused to let him see his children. I know this because Bob opened a folder on the public company computer server and left all kinds of stuff on there, including letters to his exes and therapist.

Allegedly (I wasn't there), Bob threatened some employees while in the field, and locked himself in the company car with everyone else outside for hours. He supposedly wasn't fired because he was a government employee.

My other favorite was my last boss, "Tom". Tom made several inappropriate comments to me, like "all the women I hire end up wanting to sleep with me." I was the only woman in a company with only 4 other employees, including my fiance. My fiance was angry, but we needed the job.

But then, Tom had me forward his email while he was out of town, including all of the disgusting porn he had sent to him. Really awful stuff. My fiance found out and hit the roof. We both quit. And that's why we're still unemployed months later. Bonus! I wasn't full time and am not eligible for unemployment.

Beetlemier said...

I had a boss that yelled at me when I was late to a meeting because I was pregnant and had to go pee first. So I made sure it didn't happen again.

But when pains started in my belly (I was at 7 months) he assumed I was trying to get out of the meeting to go to the bathroom. So he kept it real long. Turns out, I didn't have to pee.

I was in labor! I had to go on bedrest for the rest of the pregnancy.

This the same guy that freaked out when a co-worker missed a meeting due to an approved overseas vacation. He insisted that our Team Manager call the airline and have them turn the plane around from en route to Paris so she'd be at the meeting.

amanda rae said...

When I worked for a telecom company, I got a new boss. The first thing she did was ask me if I liked working 10-7, and stupid me, I said that I loved it. So of course she immediately put me on 8-5, which was brutal because of the horrendous rush hour traffic where I lived.

Another time she wrote me up for putting an "X" in a box on a checklist instead of a check mark. She had never told me that she had any specific guidelines for that checklist, she was just being a bitch.

Later on I found out why she hated me so much. I had been dating a manager of another area, and like a month before we started dating, she had tried to hit on him and he completely shut her down, because she was short, chunky and had the absolute worst gym teacher bowl cut hairstyle. So she felt slighted and made it her mission to fuck with me for something I had nothing to do with.

It's ok though, because I learned a very valuable lesson...that other women are the enemy and can never be trusted or befriended. I would never EVER work for another woman, not for all the money on Earth. I don't have (or want) women friends, and my life has improved immeasurably since I made that decision. It's not like it was just her, it was EVERY SINGLE WOMAN I have ever come into contact with, but that was just the straw that broke the camel's back.

But it's cool, she's still stuck there at that shitty job, in that miserable area, married to a loser that she's supposedly cheating on, while I'm in sunny Florida with my soulmate, who wants me to stay home and work on my tan...so I suppose people DO get what they deserve sometimes in life :)

Drcocks said...

These are some pretty amazing stories and they make me think of many crazy situations I have dealt with but one does stand out. I was managing a bank at the time and I hired this woman who seemed to have all the makings of a good teller. In the first week I had a steady stream of employees telling me the most bizarre stories about her behavior and asking not to be next to her in a window. She told them stories about how people were breaking into her house at night and stealing her pantyhose and home made soup. She also claimed that her cat could walk through walls and talked to her during her favorite tv shows. If a customer asked her a question she would sometimes yell at them for interrupting her. One day one of our customers who happened to be a police officer asked to see me. He told me the new teller was a psycho that called the police all the time. She was well known for being cuckoo. By this time all staff refused to work next to her and all sharp objects had been removed from the teller area. The police offered to stand by while I fired her. When I told her she was being let go she told me her cat would get me, stood up and slammed the door to my office so hard a ceiling tile fell on my head. The police rushed in and escorted her to her car with instructions never to enter our business again. That being said, I have been out of work for 2 years and I would gladly put up with the crazy just to have a job again.

Babs said...

Late to this party, but after reading all of these stories I am realizing just how great I have it at work! I've worked with some definite oddball personalities, and some truly nasty people, but nothing like some of the stuff you've all written.

Guess I'll stop whining and try to be appreciative of just how good I've got it.