Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Ted C Blind Item

Enough with the skanky, closeted "straight" movie stars out getting photographed with their pretend girlfriends while doing guys on the side.

This week we're goin' back to those sneaky heterosexuals who originally wrote the book on cheating on their partners, not to mention the public!

Quidget and Bridget Barks-a-Little are a Hollywood dream couple, as in they both do it all with darling personalities and multitalented careers. And oh, aren't they gorgeous to look at, too, what with their sweet smiles and even sweeter kiddies?

Then there's the much darker celeb duo known as Harry and La-Feelya Fun-Tanked, an amazingly hard-partying twosome who are much better known for their combative social and cohabitation skills than they are for any picture of domestic bliss.

I mean, most folks don't even know Harry and La-Feelya have kids, that's how much their domestic side is never played in the press—or any place else, for that matter. White-picket-fence types they're so not.

So isn't it so interesting that La-Feelya, who's still awesome-looking with her curves and cat-like attraction, and who has pretty much decided she's had it with too-far-gone Harry, just recently set her sights on a bacon-earner with a little more, how shall we say, predictability (i.e., steady paycheck and richly rewarded career)? Yep.

So much so that...

La-Feelya just went whole horny hog on the poor Quidget (who's marginally handsome) and seduced the crap outta him—almost literally! Quidget almost forgot sex could be this hot again! Which explains, of course, why he and La-Feelya have decided to leave their respective families and hook up together, permanently. So glad to know it's not only the gays who make dumbass decisions after a few really hot nights in bed!

Only one little prob: Quidget and La-Feelya haven't told their spouses yet. Ouch.

Wonder if this heartbreak will actually come to pass? Something tells me that once Bridget Barks-a-Lot finds out what her ordinarily soft-spoken hubby's been up to, she's gonna call up every soccer mom she can for a little sympathy. Then she's going to see to it that every cent of her family's money will never be touched by slinky La-Feelya's slim and very gorgeous fingers.

In fact, I guarantee it.

So, here's what I predict: Once Quidget tells Bridget of his departure intentions (which I hear he's planning on doing momentarily), he will be knocked so far back on his slightly soft ass he'll just as quickly beg Bridget to forget it—he just can't go through with it all, breaking up his family like that.

But it will be too late. Bridget ain't the type of gal to go for that weakass apologetic crap. She'll want out for good. It's a certainty.

Oh, and what's Harry doing through all of this turmoil, you ask?

Just getting high. He doesn't care either way, really.

And It Ain't: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes; Sting and Trudie Styler; Jerry O'Connell and Rebecca Romijn

84 comments:

CM said...

Anyone else have a headache?

IrishGossip said...

Goopy Gwen and That Coldplay dude for the first couple - she doesnt seem the kinda girl who would take somebody back after dumping her for another chick lol and the bit about him being marginally handsome fits., right?

The other couple??

mngddess said...

CM - I'm with you. (And my initials are also CM.) Ted's freakin' ridiculous.

West End Girl said...

Que?

Jennifer said...

I thought Affleck and Jen for the first couple - the "soccer mom" bit screams Jen to me...

No idea for the hard-partying duo.

Anonymous said...

Affleck and Jen, for sure, but the other couple?? And no one knows they have kids?? If this is true, we'll find out soon enough if the split is imminent.

I do smell a Goopy divorce after the holidays...

kimmypie1 said...

Drea De Matteo and Shooter Jennings for the party couple

Anonymous said...

Another site mentions Courtney Cox, who left her show for a family emergency.

valerie said...

Demi and Ashton came to my mind immediately for the second couple. Could the kids be hers from her first marriage? Demi defines 'cat-like attraction' to me. And I be Ashton would be nice and high in te background.

First couple...I'm guessing Courtney Cox and whatshisname. He told her this week, which is why her show was shutdown.

Little Miss Smoke and Mirrors said...

I was kinda thinking CC and Arquette for couple #1, but I like the Garner/Affleck guess, too. I can see either guy being too stoned to care.

Couple # is more of a mystery.

RocketQueen said...

I don't think Cox/Arquette fit either couple - they have a kid and that is widely known, and I wouldn't call them a "dream couple with multitalented careers - plus they only have ONE kid.

I like Garner and Afflect for couple #1, how about Fox/Green for couple #2?

Anonymous said...

That has to Michelle Pfeiffer, though it pains me to say so. Cat reference, and the white picket nod to her husband.

Anonymous said...

What about Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelo for couple #1?

Me.. said...

SHE has "family money"... Goes Garner or Cox fit that???

nothistime said...

Tobey McGuire and Jennifer Meyer (her dad is all kinds of loaded)?

Jaiden_S said...

Kelly and Mark were my choice for the first couple, too. No clue on the second one, though.

Jordan M said...

Quidget and Bridget are defo Posh+Becks!! multi-talented, and you can imagine how much money he's earned over the years with soccer and endorsements, all the while followed around the globe by his faithful wife Posh. He's cheated before, and is 'soft spoken' to a fault. He seems like he could easily be seduced by someone sexy. Could sex with posh be that fun anyway? She's basically skin and bones!! Hard partying couple? I'm not sure, can anyone shine some light on this? x

Idiot Watcher said...

Cox has family money, but I don't think Garner does.

nothistime said...

Ooooo....I see Spidey in the photos today too!

Blue Satin Sashes said...

Victoria Beckham has family money (that's why her Spice Girls name was Posh), David is soft-spoken and duh, soccer moms. But I wouldn't describe David as "marginally good-looking." And Victoria stayed after he strayed years back.

looserdude said...

Can't be Garner/Affleck for the first couple because Ted makes a point of saying how not attractive the husband is. I think Ben Affleck is still pretty good looking.

Idiot Watcher said...

I like Chris and Goop for this, except that Chris has been cheating for years, and Goop has always taken him back. I think Cox-Arquette may be the best guess yet, considering her time off from her show.

sunnyside1213 said...

What about Kevin Bacon and Kiera Sedgewick for the first couple. They are doing all kinds of commercials to get back the money they lost on the ponzie scheme. She could make sure she got all that's left.

kitty litter said...

what about josh brolin and diane lane for #2?

heatherlynn said...

In the pictures it says Eric Dane is a step away from losing everything...could him and Rebecca Gayheart be couple 2?

I hope not, I love him.

Jordan M said...

@looserdude About Quidget and Bridget: "And oh, aren't they gorgeous to look at, too, what with their sweet smiles and even sweeter kiddies?"...where does he make "a point of saying how not attractive the husband is" ?

RocketQueen said...

@notthistime - I'm TOTALLY on board with this being Toby Maguire and his wife Jenn - I just looked her up and was about to suggest them when I saw you'd beat me to it. Fits perfectly (semi-handsome, soft-spoken, kiddies, wife from money).

As for couple #2, could be anyone he met palling around with Leo D? I still think Megan/Brian AG are a possibility.

Jordan M said...

Quidget "who's marginally handsome"...David Beckham on second thoughts is not marginally handsome, neither is Toby Maguire though, or Ben Affleck...I'll have to change my guess to Chris Martin for Quidget, because he really is, and its the whole British thing with Bridget as in Jones and Quidget (we call pounds Quid). Also the family's money would be from Gyneth Paltrow, wasn't her dad a director??? WHY WOULD ANYONE HIT ON CHRIS MARTIN though???

nothistime said...

RocketQueen -- can't be MF/BAG. Harry and LaFeela have kids.

Lisa (original) said...

Agree w/ heatherlynn. I was about to make the same statement.

RocketQueen said...

@notthistime - it says most people don't KNOW Harry/LaFeela have kids, but I suppose you're right.
I just can't think of anyone else cat-like, but now that I read it again, I think it's someone older by the way Ted writes that she's "STILL awesome-looking with her curves and cat-like attraction". Hmm.

Nature Girl said...

OK...who's who?

Quidget - Multitalented, great personality, marginally handsome with a nice smile, cute kids, steady paycheck, soft-spoken

Bridget - Multitalented, great personality, picket fence type with great smile, cute kids, friends with soccer moms, comes from family money

La-Feelya - Still awesome looking with cat-like attraction, curvy, combative social & cohabitation skills, not known for her kids, set sights on Quidget's steady paycheck

Harry - Into his drugs, career falling, combative social & cohabitation skills, not known for his kids

Anonymous said...

David E. Kelly was a writer on the show Picket Fences and the BV refers to "white-picket-fences."

Anonymous said...

definitely posh and becks (soft-spoken, soccer mom, etc)
who have they been hanging out with lately?

Anonymous said...

What about Felicity Huffman and William H. Macy for couple number 1?

Jingle Belle said...

Just my 2-bits but I don't find Ben Affleck good looking at all and Toby Maguire isn't much better. It's all down to personal taste. Who knows how people rank with Ted Casablanca?

Anonymous said...

Couple #1: Tom Hanks & Rita Wilson

Couple #2: Sean Penn & Robin Wright Penn

rebecca said...

#2: Lisa Rinna and Harry Hamlin? It seems odd he'd actually use the guy's name, but ...

And I like the "picket fences" David Kelly and Michelle Pfeiffer. He writes and directs and produces, she sings and acts.

rebecca said...

ANd thanks, Nature Girl, for breaking it down. It was a LOT to process.

Ed said...

Cox/Arquette was a good guess,

I also thought of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie

Guttersnipey said...

Ooooh. Personally, I agree with the person who mentioned Michelle Pfeiffer and David E. Kelly for Q and LF, respectively.

Michelle is fifty-one years old. FIFTY. ONE. And she IS catlike -- those almond eyes, her slinkiness, etc. There are many aging actresses in Hollywood, and a few of them are aging gracefully and gorgeously (Sarandon, Streep, Denueve), and Michelle is tops among them, in my opinion.

Blah blah blah. I have no fucking idea about the other one.

Guttersnipey said...

P.S. I don't WANT to think this is Michelle, though. :-( I've always loved her partly for her lack of real life drama. She seems like a good mama.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 4:14: Tom Hanks is an interesting guess. IIRC there was a BI during the past year (not necessarily on CDAN) about him and Ginnifer Goodwin?

That said, my first guess regarding couple #1 was Michelle P. and David E. Kelly. The "picket fences" and "cat-like" cannot be ignored.

Guttersnipey said...

Also, Ted, if you read this site, THANK YOU for not featuring another GODDAMN TOOTHY TILE blind or any OTHER blind remotely resembling anything Toothy Tile-esque. I'm sick to DEATH of reading about supposedly hetero actors who love peen.

SkepticRN said...

Couple #1 HAS to be David E Kelley the Pickett Fences reference is a give away. Also Michelle WAS Catwoman all those years ago in the Batman Series! Thus the cat like reference!

Char said...

No one would call David Beckham "marginally goodlooking". Even if he's not to your taste, you'd still realize that he's widely considered one of the most attractive men in the world.

That being said I don't have a better guess.

I do think that it not being widely known that the 2nd couple has kids has to be a big clue. I mean who wouldn't people know that they have kids? And why not? Does that mean the wife wasn't famous when she was pregnant? Wouldn't it have been widely reported that she was pregnant and taking time off or whatever. It doesn't seem like he's saying they HID that they have kids, just that people don't know which means they can't (or she can't) be that famous. Or at least can't have been that famous at the time she had the kids.

Anonymous said...

#2-Can't be Michelle Pfeiffer and David Kelley. Everybody knows they have kids together. #1 maybe...

miss gabby said...

Recap:

Couple #1 are a happily married dream couple who 'have it all' Multitalented, good careers, good reputation, "sweet" smiles, sweet kids, family money. The hub is so-so good looking, soft spoken with a slightly soft ass ie. not known for his bod, BUT has a richly rewarded career. The wife doesn't put up with s**t. Has soccer mom friends. Does their name have any relationship to barking, dogs or sounds like? That they are "gorgeous to look at" but he's "marginally good looking doesn't make much sense, but anyway...

Couple #2 are partiers, "combative socially and as a couple" so they're not known for their blissful relationship, their rep doesn't include huggy kid photos but they do have a kid(s). Hub is not on top of his career, a druggie with a career going south. Wife is "cat-like", ambitious, with a curvy figure and slim and gorgeous fingers(?) and no qualms about destroying two families for security.

Anonymous said...

Heatherlynn, that struck me too. I think Couple #2 is Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart. Do they have kids? And my guess for #1 is Michelle Pfeiffer and David Kelley.

Anonymous said...

Couple 1: perhaps the wife is not in show business or is a behind-the-scenes person. Don't state she is an actress just "multi-talented". So wife could be a business woman who has a lot of money of her own or a person who will inherit lots of money from rich folks.

couple 2: I don't know how we wouldn't know they have kids but then I remembered that i never knew Tina Turner had kids. I'm still not sure she does. So maybe, as was said earlier, this person had kids awhile ago, b4 they became famous. Also, item doesn't say this couple are actors, could be producers, fashion designers, chefs, set directors etc - something that made them famous in Hwood but not necessarily to the public.

Tanagra said...

I think Rebecca Gayheart is currently pregnant, but that they don't have any children yet.

Keeping the descriptions separate confused me. The "catlike" woman is the hard-partying cheater from the second couple, so I don't think Michelle Pheiffer is her.

I can't think of a well-publicized, raucous couple whose kids I'm not aware of.

PJ Nelson said...

Good it's not Sting and Trudie because they came to mind immediately - I do love them. I would find it difficult to believe Michelle for either of these two.

Poppyblue said...

Quote: Nature Girl
Quidget - Multitalented, great personality, marginally handsome with a nice smile, cute kids, steady paycheck, soft-spoken

Bridget - Multitalented, great personality, picket fence type with great smile, cute kids, friends with soccer moms, comes from family money

I think Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow are a perfect fit. He earns a lot from Cold Play and she comes from family money.

I have no idea on the hard partying couple but I'm thinking somebody younger.

genesis said...

Asslee Simpson and wentz for the younger couple?

Katja said...

#2 Michael Douglas and CZJ (she is cat like)
idk if they are wild, although he was so maybe they are.

SkittleKitty said...

First couple made me think of Tim McGraw and Faith Hill. Not really 'Hollywood,' though he's in "The Blindside".
She's acted a bit, too.
Probably not them, but both multi-talented and 'family-oriented' plus he's not as hot looks-wise as some other guesses.

Anonymous said...

#1 - Michelle & David
#2 - Dinae & Josh

chihuahuense said...

I say

David E. Kelly *husband #1* is getting it on with Diane Lane *wife #2*

Michelle Phieffer *wife #1* will not take crap, and Josh Brolin *husband #2* will roll a doobie.

Liza said...

Couple #2 immediately sounded like Cindy Crawford and Rande Gerber to me. They're hard partying on George Clooney's yacht all the time. Up until the very recent nanny scandal, I don't think most people knew they had kids. Cindy still has those curves that made her famous when she was a supermodel in the 80s. Not sure what Rande's financial situation is, but Wikipedia says he's "owner/operator of the Midnight Oil chain of bars and lounges" -- maybe the chain's not doing so well?

I really like the Chris and Gwyneth guess for couple #1.

Morrighan said...

I don't care who it is as long as it's not the Garfflecks. Couldn't stand the heartache.

Anonymous said...

mickey mouse and minny

donald duck and daisy duck.

Alice D Millionaire said...

Liza I have to disagree about people not knowing about Crawford's kids. Lainey talks about them on a regular basis and how they defy her celeb baby theory (eyeroll). And even for non-Lainey readers...I see them out pretty often...I have always thought they were both beautiful children. That little boy and that blond hair!

Anyway, it is hard for me to think about a celeb couple that has kids that not many people know about.

4angelsmommie said...

Isn't Randy Gerber the heir to the Gerber baby food fortune? I thought I had read that somewhere.

Daveb said...

The blind says that both couples have multiple children ("kiddies" and "kids" respectively. Therefore the various one child guesses are out (i.e. Cox/Arquette, Dane/Gayheart).

I think we're not focused enough on the economics here. Harry and La-Feelya have had some form of careers but very erratic. Harry is smoking more than he's making and La-Feelya is looking for a steady earner. The only names above that seem to fit that are Diane Lane and Josh Brolin but there are problems with them. They are "combative" but are married (not "cohabitation"), have no children together and Diane Lane doesn't have a wild enough public image.

The high end hotel business is dead and I'm sure Rande Gerber isn't making what he used to but Cindy Crawford is too rich to need a steadier paycheck. So she isn't La-Feelya and she isn't Bridget because Rande isn't rich enough to be Quidget.

I don't have any names but I wonder if Harry and La-Feelya could be more hip hop related. You virtually never see those plyers with their children and many careers are erratic.

Anonymous said...

Gwenyth Paltrow, great personality? Could be that she does privately but isn't she generally known for her boorish public comments?

Doesn't Brian Austin Green have a child from a prior relationship (Vanessa Marcil?). Not widely known.

Craig said...

I thought Harry Hamlin and Lisa Rinna for #2, but would Ted be brazen enough to not change "Harry" for the man's name?

Rack, said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
shakey said...

I throw my vote behind chihuahuense.

You Give Love A Bad Name was written for Diane Lane. (Was it that song or Bad Medicine?) She was with Bon Jovi for years. Supposedly treated him like dirt.

watcher said...

It's not clear to me that Bridget comes from "family money". The clue reads: "Then she's going to see to it that every cent of her family's money will never be touched ..."

The money could be what Bridget and Quidget have acquired together - probably alot.

If it is "family money", then Michelle Pfeiffer and David E. Kelley are out - Michelle's bio on Wiki doesn't show her coming from family money. Her Dad's an air conditioning and heating contractor while her Mom's a homemaker. In high school she worked as a supermarket check out girl - would girls with "family money" like Gwynneth Paltrow and Paris Hilton so that??

Mango said...

Gawd, Ted C's blinds make my head hurt!

Whitney said...

Am I the only person who thought of Will Smith and Jada Pinckett for couple #1? Will has a pretty wholesome image, what with his action/comedy films and noncussing rap lyrics. Along those lines, both are multi-talented, with acting and rap/singing careers, and their kids are adorable, and Will was in that one movie with his son. Also, I don't see Jada taking any crap. I don't know, just throwing that out there since no one has guessed that yet...

Anonymous said...

# 1
ben and jen
Quidget and Bridget rhyme

Anonymous said...

# 1
ben and jen
Quidget and Bridget rhyme

E said...

I think KimmiePie's got the second couple right. Definitely sounds like Drea De Matteo and Shooter Jennings.

selenakyle said...

I wish Ted wouldn't put me in his blinds...

*meow, hissss*

chihuahuense said...

oh, and although Josh and Diane don't have kids together, he has two and she has one from previous relationships.

RocketQueen said...

Do Drea and Shooter have a kid(s)?

Anonymous said...

Peeps. BAG has a kid. It is not Foxy's, but they are "raising" his child together. She also has fucked up thumbs, but her fingers are fine. So couple #2 is probably MF/BAG.

Not sure about #1. I like Ben & Jen or Martin & Goopy.

Anonymous said...

Drea & Shooter have a daughter. He isn't exactly sober and reliable.

La Feelya - Adriana La Cerva, her character on the Sopranos?
Cat-like - After her Soprano's character was killed off, this cat started showing up and the other characters would say that must be Adriana reincarnated. Also, Drea does have very cat-like eyes.

Hard-partying - You betcha.

Still awesome looking - Who has seen Drea in the past two years? Guess she still has that Sopranos body, wherever she is.

Anonymous said...

I immediately thought of Michael Douglas and CZJ, no idea for the second. Remember when Michael Douglas was in Basic Instinct, and reviewers commented on his "slightly soft ass"? And they are known to have a strong pre-nup, therefore #2 wouldn't be getting her hands on all that money. They are both multi-talented. Him for acting and producing. Her for acting, singing, and dancing.

I also immediately thought of Tom Hanks for #1.

sarah said...

I initially thought of Reese and Jake for Quidget and Bridget, because although they aren't married and those aren't his kids, they sure seemed to want to put forth the image of a happy family. They're considered "darling" (by some, not by me), she has acted and sang, he's soft-spoken, she has a sort of soccer-mom thing going... I don't know how much water the whole gay rumor holds, but I'm willing to not believe it. And now here they are, broken up, right on time. So... Jake and Courtney Cox? Is that insane?

Nina said...

I think the second couple is Diane Lane & Josh Brolin.

TheGoldenSockPuppet said...

no, no, no...La-Feelya is Ruth Bader Ginsberg and Quidget is Tiger Woods. If it aint them I will LITERALLY shit my pants.

jamieB said...

Couple number 2...Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon, all the way.