Friday, September 24, 2010

Ted C Blind Item

Cass Stimulatia is such the outrageous charmer, it's really a shame she's having these current problems—mostly of the physical kind. Ya know, girl stuff.

And Cass—some think she's a looker, others not so much—hasn't exactly been quiet on the subject of the female body predicaments she currently faces. Her friends are really tired of hearing about it, like, totally!

See, Cass wants to expand her rather currently small domestic situation by having a kid, but the docs are telling her something that was a prob the last time she tried is really a problem now:

Bacteria most likely got into Cass's reproductive system when she was a wild and crazy thing, still a kid, really, when she decided she should at least appear she was still a virgin (we're talkin' when C.S. was really young, babes). So Cass made all the boys slept with agree to anal sex only, thereby remaining, supposedly, a virgin. Granted, that's not that uncommon a situation. And it's a totally ridiculous thought-process, but, hey, when you're young, you do stupid things.

Problem is, Cass often changed her mind during the rear-entry days, deciding the front entry was what she wanted, after all.

This was a very bad idea.

Cass has been told by her docs that, most likely, some kind of bacteria infection resulted, causing her child-bearing capabilities to be limited, at best. At least, this is what poor darlin' Ms. Stimulatia is blabbin' to her pals.

So sorry, Ms. Cassy! Ain't it a bitch when society judges you for your less-than-popular sexual choices, and then nasty Mother Nature gets in on the act, too. No fair!

It Ain't: Nicollette Sheridan, Jennifer Aniston, Courtney Love

41 comments:

Adventurous Kate said...

I already hate Ted, so the fact that he's revealing someone's medical information changes nothing.

This is the case to get yourself checked for chlamydia, kids. It has no symptoms and causes pelvic inflammatory disease, which causes infertility.

rebellious, contrary and nice said...

Drew "will always be a drunk" Barrymore? I can't wait until she hits old age in non-Hwood years!

__-__=__ said...

Cameron Diaz? Really, young women should be more informed - especially these days. And what we read here isn't the only thing that can cause chlamydia either. I'll always believe the medical community refuses to keep us informed so they can make money. I think that's terribly unethical from a group who's oath is to "do no harm".
/end of whine

Michaela said...

Jessica Simpson

ms snarky said...

why would Drew Barrymore ever care if someone thought she was a virgin?

chicken said...

Brit-Brit. The whole "virgin" thing when we know that not only was she sleeping with JT but she f*d around on him. Plus she seems like the type to flaunt her embarrassing body problems. Plus it says expand her "currently small domestic situation" and it makes me think she wants to have another kid with the new guy.

awesome balla. said...

@Michael: i think you got it. even the nickname mimicks her name cass = jess. would make sense to regarding the wanting to remain a virgin and the some people find her attractive others not, since her increase in weight. she also tends to be very tmi so i can imagine her sharing this w friends.

ms snarky said...

ditto Cameron Diaz.

I think the Jessica Simpson guess is closer to the mark. I think possibly Brittany is a good possibility, too, since she's probably looking to have a kid with the new boyfriend.

ms snarky said...

sorry, I'm so conventional that I totally forgot how Brit actually spells her name. : )

msgirl said...

The 3 ain't are all in their 40s so it's got to be someone older than Brit, etc.

Tatyana said...

So sorry to rain on Ted C.'s women-hating parade, but medical science advances should make it pretty easy for his BI victim to use a surrogate. Chlamidia doesn't affect your eggs, right?

And ms snarky, isn't Brit-Brit just honoring the name her *parents* chose to give her? Besides, she already go two kids.

ms_wonderland said...

Look at the 'aints'. Two Friends and a blonde - got to be Lisa Kudrow. She was supposed to be a virgin on marriage, when she was past 30.

See where all this so-called abstinance BS gets you!

msgirl said...

Kudrow already has kids, no?

Christine said...

Betty White.

I don't know. This BI is gross, not for the information, but for the sadness of it.

__-__=__ said...

Lisa Kudrow?!?!!? Doesn't she have kids???

Daveb said...

I interpreted the three aint's as women who were involved with singers (Bolton, Myer, Cobain). So I assumed were we looking for someone currently involved with a singer.

chopchop said...

I immediately thought Britney too but the aints are all older. Hmmmm.

GauchoGirl said...

I agree with the Jessica Simpson guesses. Her "virginity" was always discussed when she and Nick were engaged, but it's known that she was claiming virginity because she never had vaginal sex before their marriage, only anal.

shakey said...

It's Courtney Love, not Cox. All 3 are blondes. TV actress/TV to movie actress/singer. Jessica Simpson had her own show, was a number one star in Russia with her movie, and she is/was a singer.

RocketQueen said...

I think Simpson is probably the best guess here, but I also think it's probably someone older that we haven't guessed yet.

Very said...

When I hear some think she's attractive and others don't, I automatically think of Uma Thurman. They call her a jolie-laide (pretty-ugly) Age and hair colour fits....

MISCH said...

Isn't this one of things mommy teaches, wipe front to back or else you'll get a nasty infection...I don't even want to think of sex back to front...ugh!

Cheryl said...

I've heard a similar rumor about Mariah Carey. She never claimed to be virginal, but while denying that she slept with Eminem, she said that she could count all the people she had slept with on one hand. Another Mariah rumor is that a botched abortion left her unable to bear children.

I don't know if I believe this, but that's what I've heard.

ms snarky said...

In nursing school, the terminology is to wipe clean to dirty. Eek.

sunnyside1213 said...

I am going with Simpson, the three singers thing has me thinking.

Jennifer said...

I'm going to say Jennifer Love Hewitt.

Marion said...

Whoever - GROSS !

Jamie's Girl said...

Well, it's sad, because once again, women lack education about their own bodies, and accept rumors from their girlfriends. BTW, I don't think it's Simpson. Simpson is still in her 20's. Those women are all in their 40's. Plus they were something more popular in the 90's, and not now. SImpson is popular now. Let me think some more.

Dolly72 said...

What about Courtney Cox?? Was on Friends, had alot of problems getting pegnant the first time around?? She has always projected a bit of the 'holier than thou' attitude I think??

domingo said...

drew barrymore -- lived the wild life before she was 18, rehab, etc. has a history with musicians.

taco said...

fergie from black eyed peas. had to have good reputation in all girls group then got into crystal meth

Squeezebox said...

I'm saying Julia Roberts, because there've been past blinds about how she loves, loves anal, and she has had some problems conceiving.

Basil said...

Judging from the clues, and that "ain'ts" I think it is someone now in their 40's, has been around for awhile and while younger professed to be a virgin, and she already has probably only 1 kid.

Okay, so how about Brooke Shields? She was pretty big on insisting she was a virgin back in her heyday. She even wrote a book about it. She has had 1 child, and apparantly there were problems, though not clear on what they were exactly other than the depression thing. Her questionable choices in partner could be a reference to Andre Agassi. They seemed the perfectly happy couple, but only later we found out it wasn't all peachy keen. She also "dated" Michael Jackson, which many people thought weird.

Monica said...

Does anyone find it horrible that Ted C. is blasting this woman for her sex acts and then losing her reproductive abilities? Seems kinda crass, even from Ted. I feel guilty even guessing who it might be.

Catherine said...

hate to say it but my guesses were Drew and Alyssa Milano

Kimstyle said...

Ok, it needs to be someone who's "virginity" was an actually a discussed issue...

I can only think of Britney and Jessica simpson

Britney has two kids, meaning she is/was ABLE to have them since her wild young days, and I would hardly call her domestic situation small...

Jessica fully works...totally

I kinda like the drew guess, but really, when has she ever claimed she was a virgin? She was in rehab by 13!? I doubt she was too concerned with saving herself at that point...

Jessica..100%

Angela said...

A few years ago, there were blind items supposedly about Jessica Simpson digging anal sex with Johnny Knoxville when they were shooting the Dukes of Hazzard movie.

Britney Spears acknowledged that the virgin stuff was fake and that she had sex with her boyfriend, who happened to be Justin Timberlake, as any regular girl would. But Jessica Simpson basically had a career thanks to a reality show that was greenlit under the premise that she was a virgin before her wedding.

In Italy, a few decades ago, there were many stories about girls having lots of backdoor action rather than losing their virginity because it was a huge deal for the guys they would marry due to the influence of Catholic church and prejudice. So, technically, they didn't "have sex". This is the kind of attitude I can perfectly expect from Joe Simpson's daughter...

J said...

I remember hearing this exact story about Jessica Simpson(saving virginity by using back-door). She has a new bf that she seems smitten with & I wouldn't be surprised if she was trying to have a little one.

Invitro is another option.

J said...

Cass Stimulatia =
Jess Simpson

Hannah said...

The ain'ts makes me think Ted's pointing to an older generation... even though I think J. Simpson is TOTALLY stupid enough to believe in that idealogy. But the "like, totally!" made me think Alicia Silverstone.

fester said...

Brooke Shields fits age-wise and virgin story-wise. And she underwent IVF, so the trouble conceiving part might fit too. The only clue that's iffy is the bit about the small family unit, since she's got a family of 4 (2 kids + hub). Not particularly small, just average.