Friday, December 10, 2010

Ted C Blind Item

Before you start feeling too sorry for poor, mixed-up, closeted celeb Butter Pussy and how the babe's scared coming out will affect her and her loved ones' incomes, listen up. Butter's hardly a saint.

Far from it.

Sometime ago, Ms. Pussy, who's really fabulous at her very celebrated career, came home from a hard day's work and her man happened to be home. But he wasn't alone:

Butter found the partner she genuinely cared for—but whom she also conveniently used (a lot) to help sell her fake heterosexuality to the gullible public—in bed. With company. And it wasn't another chick, either!

Butter's man was in bed with...one of Ms. Pussy's employee's. How awful! How humiliating! How déclassé!

So, Butter-babe did what any megastar worth her very butch reputation would do: She got a knife and threatened to "cut" the philandering partner. And guess what?

She did! Badly. So much so, the sliced-up dude had to be taken to the hospital—and his recovery took some time.

Now, to make up for things, the cheating dude who got knifed by the always well-coiffed and formidable Butter Pussy gets regular paychecks, per their postknifing financial arrangement.

And some folks think the guy's sticking around (and getting to enjoy the fancy life), just to help Butter parlay that straight-chick image.

Well, maybe a little—and maybe a little because both players here do still care for each other. But trust, those aren't the emotional ties than bind them.

It's blood. Literally.

AND IT AIN'T: Jada Pinkett-Smith, Dolly Parton, Diane Lane

33 comments:

Cecilia00 said...

Oprah?

janele said...

Oprah Winfrey. Yeah, I know she's denied it already.

Her name fits the syllable scheme Ted often uses.

I think the greater secret is that she could be related to Stedman. I don't think the "literal" blood refers to the attempted Lorena Bobbit, but genetics.

looserdude said...

You guys are good. I could totally see it being Oprah. "Butter Pussy" cracks me, too.

Cheryl said...

Definitely Oprah, but the part about finding Steadman in bed with one of her employees is an old, old, story. Supposedly it was Andre, the hairdresser and that's when Steadman became rarely seen and Gayle became more visible.

rockmastiff said...

Pink.

rebellious, contrary and nice said...

{how the babe's scared coming out will affect her and her loved ones' incomes, listen up.}

Oprah isn't scared of a loss of income. She also does not take care of many of her family members. Just mom and dad.

Pink is an interesting guess.

The Tempestuous Grape said...

I'm trying to actually picture Oprah actually doing this.. cracks me up!

Aly said...

Second on Cheryl: If this is Oprah, it is an OLD-OLD one. This goes way back with Steadman, Opie and the hairdresser.

RocketQueen said...

The timing on this is just too convenient. Previous Butter Pussy blinds have all but revealed it as Oprah, so to release another one at this time is really pushing it.

lyz said...

so who's wanger got whacked? the significant other or the employee? I'm so confused.

Cheryl said...

The last Butter Pussy blind was about how she was encouraged by Ellen's coming out.

Momster said...

Sorry, I just can't get past the words, "Butter Pussy."

MadLyb said...

Oprah and Stedman were my first thoughts.

mingreader said...

Mariah Carey?

Cousin said...

Beyonce and Jay-Z? Though married, I never bought into them being a true "couple". Also, B has already revealed she has an alter-ego: Sasha Fierce. She is truly mega-star status with singing, dancing, acting, modeling, etc., etc. The "loved ones' incomes" could refer to her Mother and her House of Dereon clothing line, her sister Solange's music (cough) career, her Dad's music management business, and also Jay-Z's Roc-a-fella records. Recent news also has Beyonce spending $2 million (!!!) on a Bugatti sports car for his birthday.

Reviewer said...

The richer the person is, usually the greedier the person is, too. That's why I believed a woman who I met who said Oprah Winfrey worried more about her income than anyone she had ever known.

Maja. With a J. said...

I think he wants us to believe that this is Oprah, still don't think she's gay.

RJ said...

@Cousin, I like your Beyonce guess.

I still think Butter Pussy is Martha Stewart. Her empire would be a lot more shaken than Oprah's would by coming out. I figure the core of Stewart's fan base is a bunch of upper middle class, conservative, type A perfectionist types who would be unlikely to be ok with her as a lesbian. I don't think Oprah's world would be rocked by coming out. She MIGHT lose five to ten percent of her audience. Martha would lose about 75 percent of hers. Plus, a bitch learns how to use a shank in the joint.

story said...

Crazy, but Jessica Simpson was the first person that popped up in my mind.

ara said...

Kimora Lee & Djimoun Hounsou

sunnyside1213 said...

I wish it was Steisand, but the big O makes more sense.

Johanna said...

What about Halle Berry?

Yvie said...

Alicia Keys and Swizz Beats

Janet296 said...

Paula Dean. She well known to love butter.

Gypsy said...

Oh
my
god.
My mom LOVES butter. Should I be worried?

Kelli said...

Yeah but the blind takes about a "very butch" reputation. Who is very butch? And always "well coiffed"? Makes me think of Jessica Biel. Everyone calls her she-hulk and she always looks put together. I can't think of anyone else.

ChasingHeaven said...

Martha Stewart is butch and always has everything perfect and well coiffed. Syllables work too. Also doesn't her daughter have income off her? She did that show and on the radio because of Martha but don't follow the family to really know for sure. Maybe there's a clue with the aint's...I'm sure there is, I just suck at figuring it out.

Lioness70 said...

I think Martha fits this one more than Oprah. But who's her man?

Lioness70 said...

I agree with Martha's audience being more shocked and dropping her like hot potatoes than Oprah. My mom, for one! She actually watches Martha's Hallmark, is it? show. I'll but the magazine once in a while, but that's it.

Katja said...

There is no way Pink would be afraid to come out she is admittedly bi and for a while took her then gf to all the awards show & held hands.

Char said...

This blind is well-known to be Oprah. I definitely believe Ted is talking about Oprah with these, I'm just not sure he's telling the truth. Kinda the same way I feel about Toothy Tile.

Then again, Oprah was an Oscar-nominated actress for the Color Purple. She knows how to work her audience. I can see her being this deceitful.

ChasingHeaven said...

It's not Martha per Ted today 12/16/2010:

Dear Ted:
The only fabulous, perfectly coiffed female media mogul my two rescue dogs can think of in conjunction with the words "butch" and "butter" is Martha Stewart. I think they might be on to something because who else would always have a knife handy for cutting some "bitch"? Hugs from me and big, sloppy kisses from the dogs.
—It's Parkay

Dear Prison Butter:
While Marth may have the street cred from her time behind bars to shank a be-yotch, the Vice is much more delish because Butter seems like the oh-so-innocent type. Until you hop in bed with her fauxmance fellow, that is.

Read more: http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth/b216508_bitch-back_miley_cyrus_causes.html?cmpid=sn-000000-twitterfeed-365-awful&utm_source=eonline&utm_medium=twitterfeed&utm_campaign=twitterfeed_awful#ixzz18Hm2SFhy

Tea Lady said...

On the Beyonce train.