Oh King Schlong! How happy you're about to make many of your groupies all over the world, when they find out that high profile relationship you're in don't mean a thang.
See, King is king for a reason. He's charming, knows how to command a room, and is good looking in that yeah, I know I'm the s–t kind of way.
So, it only makes sense he found an equally yummy counterpart whom he has flaunted all over the world.
But does she know where her man's penis plays when she's away?
Lots of places, really, but one girl she might be super pissed about her man shagging is a well-known L.A. party chick who has bedded the likes of one Shafterella Shoshtein's boy bitches, Super Duper-Cooper, and the bisexual star who gave Crescent Kumquat herpes.
Don't you just love the one degree of Blind Vice separation in this town?
Anyhoo, party honey was pulling her phone out and showing all kinds of dirty texts that King Schlong was sending her while he was supposedly with his pretty babe.
“She's so stupid,” quipped the preening slut about King's main gal. “He cheats on her all the time. But he's good in bed and hot, so I don't feel bad about it.”
It's true, King Schlong has his moniker for a reason. He's quite royally equipped.
And it's only a matter of time before that gorgeous babe of his catches him putting his jewels where they don't belong—and calls it off.
Clearly, it's what the eternal bachelor is aiming for.
And It Ain't: Joel Madden, Kanye West, Johnny Depp