Friday, March 11, 2011

Ted C Blind Item

In case you're all feeling sorry for poor Marky Sweet-Puss—the talented, put-upon husband to the notoriously demanding and overly controlling Cruella St. Shackles—well, don't stop. He needs all the help (and prayers) he can get.

But just wanted to let you all know that Marky's hardly the only man in Cruella's labyrinth-filled past of scheming personal vendettas and bossed-around men.

In fact, she's still getting paid off by...

Another magnificently rich (and just as ambitious) Blind Vice Superstar! Someone, say, somewhere between the ages of 33 and 49 and a half? Pretty good-looking dude, too. But, they had an awfully rough break-up.

So much so, Cruella, who's always looking to get a leg up—just as much as an extra buck or two—signed a deal with this handsome movie star for him to pay her for life. What for, you ask?

To not reveal any of this chiseled guy's deep secrets, which friends say, at this point, he's convinced even himself he doesn't have any more! The man is in such colossal denial, Toothy Tile would be impressed, we're certain!

And Cruella was counting on this stupid lack of introspection when she made her departure deal, once she and her ex broke up. She knew this would be a good little trust fund, if she just always kept her trap shut, which she always has. Consequently, Cruella, to this day, receives very nice checks with lotso zeroes. Every friggin' month.

Jeez. Must be nice. Get all the money you can from the last cuckolded dude while you're still taking it from the current one! Of course, Cruella knows it's a dirty two-way street, and that last lover of hers could also make life very uncomfortable for her. This is actually a stronger possibility than vice versa, but, don't think St. Shackles last man (who's actually damn lucky to be outta her life, and he knows it) has the gumption to pull it off right now, maybe later (let's hope).

Still, this woman Cruella should get an Oscar for the private performances she pulls.

Or, at least a mention in Forbes richest Hollywood heathens.

It Ain't: Angelina Jolie, Gwyneth Paltrow, Scarlett Johansson

55 comments:

SkittleKitty said...

Is this Nicole Kidman?

KLM said...

I like it, SkittleKitty!

mindyj9 said...

Keith Urban, Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise?

BigMama said...

@SkittleKitty - yeah, it is widely believed to be her. Ted hates her

Jamee said...

Yep Nic Kidman, Tom Cruise is Fey Oiled Tush. Ick.

Nosey Parker said...

IA - Kidman, Urban and Cruise.

RocketQueen said...

Man, Ted really hates Kidman.

reticulation said...

Sounds like Nicole Kidman's the one.

But I'm really confused by what Ted's trying to say. Can someone please decipher this into normal speak? From what I get, she's getting money for keeping secrets. Right?

Little Miss Smoke and Mirrors said...

To Die For, art imitates life (though so far, to my knowledge, Nic's ambition hasn't actually killed anyone yet).

bluebonnetmom said...

@ reticulation - She is keeping her ex in the closet. I guess the current Mrs. C will get quite the exit package as well. I bet that kid of theirs is not his and was her prior boyfriend's. Looks just like him.

Nosey Parker said...
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Sylvia said...

Thought of Kidman, urban and Gay Cruise hehehehe.

Wasn't she involved with Ewen McGregor also??

3 Degrees of Frustration said...

Here's another possibility:

In the blind Ted says, "somewhere between the ages of 33 and 49 and a half..." Well, those just happen to be the exact ages of none other than Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore!!!

Hmmm...I wonder if the former would be Bruce Willis? Would necessarily have to be, as the lover in question could actually predate him!

Just a thought...

BigMama said...

rumor was she was carrying McGregor's baby and thats why Tom split, seems Ted is telling us that was a lie as well.

MISCH said...

So this says Tom's still paying Nicole to keep her mouth shut ?

Little Miss Smoke and Mirrors said...

3 Degrees - That's an interesting thought, except it says that the current husband is talented.

ms snarky said...

would we call Tom Cruise "chiseled?"

3 Degrees of Frustration said...

Oooo!!! VERY good snark Little Miss! :-)

MISCH said...

Ugh ! Ted makes my eyes cross....

RenoBlondee said...

Ted couldn't have made this one more obvious.
Someone said he always loved Nic until some pap incident or something. Anyone know?

feraltart said...

Years ago I spoke with someone who worked on Moulin Rouge, not only did Nicole do Ewan, but an Assistant Director as well. His comment was she was nice but a bit of a tart. Well you would be when your husband isn't touching you. Also, a newspaper, not a gossip mag, outed Ewan as cheating on his wife all over Sydney.

Meir said...

I was thinking Melanie Griffin, Zorro Banderas and Crockett (he mentioned the word "Vice") but they're all over 49. Ratz.

RocketQueen said...

I think Ewan and his wife might have an open relationship. That's what Lainey has implied, anyway. Sometimes he brings ladies home??

BG wrote an obvious blind the other day referring to Kidman/Cruise saying that the miscarriage never happened, but that SAYING there was one was part of their divorce agreement to make Tom appear potent and masculine when in reality, he is neither.

Mimi said...

Ok, so according to Ted even though Tom Cruise was in Nicole´s hands he still managed to give her a very public slap in the face with the unexpected divorce papers, blame her for the break up (didn´t he say that, contrary to what she claimed, Nicole knew exactly why they divorced?) and get the children custody? I don´t buy it. Ted is full of BS.

Jamie's Girl said...

Tom doesn't even control Tom, Scientology does, so I don't know what to make of this mess.

Tea Lady said...

I don't think this is Urban/Kidman/Cruise. (I like to subscribe to the syllable rule with Ted C. It also doesn't say divorced, and since Two of the three "ain'ts" are not married, I suspect Cruella isn't either. Plus, I can't see anyone describing Tom Cruise as chiseled.

RocketQueen said...

@Tea Lady - Ted has done several items on this Cruella person, I think he's just running out of people for the "Aint's"!

MacVixen said...

Ted hates Nicole Kidman something fierce. She must have run over one of his rescue puppies or something. He pretty much flat out states that she is a terrible mother that uses her children for photo ops (which is hilarious considering how often Ms. Suri is photographed), that Connor & Isabella are with Tom "for a reason", etc.

Certainly popular guesses is that this is Nicole/Keith & Tom. If it is - I say good on Nicole for holding something over Tom's head,and having the smarts to get paid for it ;-)

amoteafloat said...

Anyone who gives the *slightest* crap about celebrity gossip already knew all of this, like, three years ago. Is this some sort of Vintage Blind, Ted?

NEXT.

RocketQueen said...

@amote - he's been doing this a lot lately - old, really obvious blinds. He's slipping.

sunnyside1213 said...

I don't think he hates Nicole more than Jen Garner.

nepenthe said...

Wasn't she involved with Ewen McGregor also??



**********Isn't that who knocked her up while filming MOULIN ROUGE?
Remember the drama about her having a "miscarriage" about that time....then suddenly she and Tommy Boy were divorcing.

Nu's Woman said...

Sunnyside, why does he hate Jen Garner? Because she is a push over when it comes to her man? Other than that she seems nice enough.

Sis said...

I like the Demi and Ashton guess!

sunnyside1213 said...

Ted hates Jen Garner because she was insufferably rude on the red carpet to either him personally or his intern or both.

Nu's Woman said...

Umm...I'll give her a pass. :)

Mooshki said...

Now I want to get famous just so I can be insufferably rude to Ted on a red carpet.

MadLyb said...

I wasn't sure of who Cruella was until now - but Tom Cruise is 49 1/2 and Katie Holmes is 33, so I think it's Nicole Kidman.

warmislandsun said...

Halle Berry was my first thought when I read all of this. The last part an Gabriel fit, but I don't know who would be paying her so much money.

kariodi said...

I agree that it sounds like Nicole, but do people really think that Keith Urban is "sweet" and totally oppressed by his wife?

Sonny Amou said...

FWIW, I wiki'd Tom Cruise's age, and he was born 7/3/62. Or 49 1/2 (okay 49 2/3), which makes me think that it's Nicole/Keith/Tom. And that the age range is a false lead, with the far end of the range the big tipoff.

Still, yeah, this one's pretty obvious.

Dove said...

Melanie Griffith and ex Don Johnson
Blind Vice Superstar - Miami Vice

mcelebslut said...
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crazycatladyx6 said...

I thought Nic was pregnant by Steven Bing?

kathrynnova said...
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P!LL said...

Nicole was Tom's beard and Tom was Nicole's beard and now Nicole is Keith's beard . It has to be NK

shakey said...

I was born in 1962. I will be 49 at the end of August. 2011 is not a 50 year, 2012 is.

It is absolutely despicable if that miscarriage turns out to be a lie. I had a miscarriage a few months before she did so I completely empathized with Nicole. What makes it even more upsetting for me is when the story came out, my work "colleague" (she was a total bitch to me) told someone in a loud enough voice for me to hear she thought the miscarriage was made up because some people make up things to get more sympathy. Then she gave me the side-eye. I cried so hard over that remark.

The Black Cat said...

I thought this was about Kelly Preston and John Travolta as her current husband and Charlie Sheen as her past lover with all the secrets.

Jillian said...

First time poster, long time lurker. I agree with Black Cat - Kelly Preston could be Cruella - with George Clooney and Charlie Sheen as past loves, I am sure there are a lot of skeletons in multiple closets...

katiekat said...

First of all, Shakey I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how devastating that must have been for you. Your coworker is a twunt.

I'm on the Kidman/Urban/Cruise bandwagon. So who's Suri's dad? Chris Klein? Is that Katie's ex's name?

The Black Cat said...

You know, when Suri was younger she sure looked like John Travolta's kids to me.

City Councilman Doug said...

The "and a half" nails it. Good work Black Cat!

Rhesa said...
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pdxbellarocks said...

J-Lo! FTW!

MCH said...

This is a day late and a dollar short but I had to share since it's semi-relevant to y'alls guesses...

My MIL was visiting recently & we were discussing conceiving children. She was saying how some people just can't conceive together. And to give an example, she said "Just look at Tom Cruise & Nicole Kidman. Married all those years, no kids. Get divorced, they both have kids."

I almost spit out my sweet tea. Even my non-gossip reading husband looked amused.