Friday, April 08, 2011

Your Turn

Not meant to be dark or depressing, but just an interesting question. Someone yesterday commented in the Manhattan apartment story about how they don't even want a coffin for their funeral because it is so tight. So, it got me to thinking about what you believe happens to you after you die, and how you want your funeral service. I want to be cremated and definitely want people to have a big party and celebration and get absolutely hammered. Oh, and there has to be a buffet. And one last question as a part of this. If someone could predict your date of death, would you want to know? Answer for me is no way.

60 comments:

RocketQueen said...

Cremation, ashes buried somewhere meaningful to me under the cloak of night by my loved ones :) Nah, I wouldn't want to know, and yes, I hope my farewell is a celebration of my life as opposed to a sad affair!

MizCaramel said...

I would not want to know my date of death, even if I had 50 years left. I would want a big party for my funeral and my family would get hammered anyway, they don't need any excuse to down bottles which is fine with me (even though I'm over 11 years sober myself). I don't like the idea of cremation (too final) and being buried seems claustrophobic to me. So cryonics is the way for me...

timebob said...

I am so nosy I would love to know when I am going to die.

Unless I commit suicide, so, then I guess it would my choice date....

I just hope we all get past December 21, 2012 ;-)

fordellcaste said...

My kids already know I want to be cremated, and my ashes to be scattered in my backyard. It is illegal if they get caught, but my yard is big and fenced in. I don't want a funeral, memorial service, nada. I hate going to them, and don't want to be present or force people to endure one for me. I wish I weren't so interested in science/physics in answer to what happens after we die. I do believe in spirits, lived in a haunted house in St. Joseph MO at one time. The spirit was a little girl. I don't believe in God, though. Don't believe in Heaven or Hell, either. I like to think I can go wherever I want, past, present, or future. I had an aunt who could predict peoples futures with tarot and crystal balls. She predicted her own death within 3 days of it 60 years later.

Sue Ellen Mishkey said...

I don't want to know anything about it. I don't even want to think about it it. All I know is that since my family is Irish, I want a proper wake. Out with a bang. No tears of sadness, just laughter.

MizCaramel said...

timebob, 12/21/2012 is my 5th wedding anniversary! I don't fear that date but if it's true, I think at least I'll be with the man I love...

MISCH said...

Cremation ...and a party a few month after for my friends..

blondegossip said...

Life ends at death-I don't believe in god or an afterlife of any kind.

Donate any useful organs or body to science, cremate the rest.

Make sure my husband & dogs are cared for and loved.

Have a party but don't utter one bit of religious non-sense.

Instead, serve great food & adult beverages. Also? Bong hits, pot brownies, even lsd & 'shrooms for the hard partiers.

Play my favorite music-Phish, GDead, Prince, Coltrane, Miles Davis, Sade-and dance.

Celebrate life b/c it is short and there's nothing left to do but smile, smile, smile.

blondegossip said...

And yes, I would love to know when I'm dying--then I could make the most out of the time I have left!

iheartjacksparrow said...

1. What happens after we die: I think we are reincarnated into someone or some thing.

2. How I want my funeral service: No service. I have already told everyone I want to be cremated and my ashes dissolved in sugar water and put into my hummingbird feeders. Then I'll be able to fly.

3. Would I want to know my date of death: Heck yeah! That way I could live every day leading up to it doing things I've always wanted to do and never had the chance. Of course, the closer we get to 12/21/12, I may have to start doing those things just to be on the safe side.

The Nightmare Child said...

Oh, I'm one of the most death obsessed people you'll ever meet.


Cremation, with my ashes to be scattered/placed in thirty-three specific places across the world that are important to me. No ceremony, no wake. Burn my body and put the ashes where I want them.


And I already know when I'm going to die. The exact day & time and location.

Klondyke said...

i am a believer/follower of Jesus Christ, so therefore i want my reward once i take that trip into outerspace. i very much believe in heaven.

i don't deal with fortune tellers and the like. i also wouldn't pay attention to what a doctor had to say about when i would die. if i ever get a terminal illness.

just a wake, then the next day a small funeral with close family only is what i have planned.

Sue Ellen Mishkey said...

Isn't 2012 on the same level as Y2K was in the late 90's?

And nightmare child, please tell me you know specifics because you read palms.

feraltart said...

Nightmare Child, really curious as to how you know?

I want to be cremated and scattered to the ocean. Don't want anyone wearing black at my funeral, would like it to be the most colourful funeral ever. I am a little psychic, so I am curious as to what happens when we die. I do think we are reincarnated. I feel like my husband and I have connected in past lives - not necessarily as husband and wife each time, maybe siblings, friends, but I do feel our connection is deeper than a one time go round on earth.

I don't want to know when I die.

Ms Luey said...

I'm an atheist, I think that nothing happens to us after we die. People ask me if I think that's frightening, but I really don't. It's not like we will know what's going on.

I want to be cremated and ashes spread somewhere nice. My husband, though, wants a "home funeral" where his family prepares his body. No cremation, no embalming, no coffin, just buried in the backyard. It will be so hard, but if that's what he wants, then that's what he'll get.

I wouldn't want to know my own date of death.

ea17 said...

i'm not trying to be rude here, but nightmare child i've always gotten a vibe from you. are you planning a suicide?

ea17 said...

also...i'm not going to apologize for asking, if saving a life is possible.

sue ellen, i sum up 12/21/2012 just like y2k.

Sylvia said...

I told my husband I want to be cremated. Also told him since he is a truck driver to carry me with him if I die first that way he has someone to talk to lol. I might be curious if someone was good at predicting.

Terri said...

I believe in reincarnation. I hope to watch over my loved ones for a few years before I come back.

Cremate me. If I die first, just toss my urn in the coffin with my husband when he goes and we can share a tombstone. If I go last, I want my urn buried over my husband's body by some drunken college students who are relatives and toast me with some trendy shooters (or whatever the kids are drinking at that time.)

reticulation said...

Oh yikes, I definitely wouldn't want to know when it would take place! But I want whatever is cheap for the family - if it's donating to science than so be it. Death shouldn't cost money. And there should definitely be a food-related gathering after the service.

Jessica said...

It's truly depressing how many here believe in this end of world on 12-21-12 nonsense.
Give me a break...

SkittleKitty said...

A man who died in my area recently had a 'green' burial, which sounds nice.
http://www.newsobserver.com/2011/04/04/1103384/advocate-gets-his-own-green-burial.html#storylink=misearch

I prefer the idea of cremation but it does cause pollution, I think.

Jessica said...

ea17 said...
-----------
Don't worry, it's just the stereotypical emo playbook, which will be denied to the death. See they want you to ALWAYS think they are going to die any second, they want others to feel pity, but they will deny it ferociously.

bluebonnetmom said...

My Husband wants cremation (and me to sprinkle his ashes at a Indian National Park in NM he is fond of), I want burial or a crypt. We are going to have to decide. We both like the idea of a big music, dancing, food and liquor filled party for our loved ones after a proper funeral. I do believe in Jesus/God and Heaven. I believe my loved ones will greet me on the other side and we will be free of pain, peaceful and happy. I definitely would not want to know when my time was up, it would affect how I lived my life, good and bad.

bluebonnetmom said...

@Nightmare Child. I am worried about you too. : (

Sherry said...

I don't really know if I'd want to know my date of death. I'd have to think about that one.

I think some people are reincarnated and some people move up a level. I'd like to think that the really awful people get to come back as occupants of a third world country and have a miserable life. I am a huge believer in karma.

I want to be buried and I hope my kids bring all of their friends to the funeral and have a party after. And then, move the hell on with their life knowing that their mom did everything she wanted to do and had a ball doing it.

kelly said...

I believe in Heaven and Hell and that I will see those who have gone before me in some form.

My funeral song is going to be "Goin on up to the spirit in the sky " my brother is going to say a little something from a Little House On The Prarie episode I love and there IS going to be a red velvet rope and bodyguard at the door to a big party and if your name is not on the list you don't get in (hear that in-laws from hell? you are NOT getting in)

And cremation. If I could know the date of my death I would not want to. My family was asked to be part of study because of all the cancer. It would tell you if you have a certain cancer gene or not. I didn't get involved because I feel either way I would chang the way I live my life (good and bad)

valerie said...

I want to be cremated, and no headstone. I believe you live on through the memories of others, but don't really think there's a heaven/hell. I've never really been able to get past the whole idea of 'why would there be a heaven/hell for humans but not for bugs and other creatures' idea.

Split my ashes in two - half goes wherever I'm living at the time, and half goes to London.

Treesap-Covered Lady, the Humanist said...

I put my dog down yesterday, and I like to think his spirit is that of a young dog again and he's off taking care of important dog business (smelling, pooping, chasing cats, barking at squirrels who farted two blocks away, etc.). I'm planning on spreading his ashes in his favorite places (hiking trails, mountains, rivers, and the ocean) with the bulk of them going into the ground under a tree in my yard. Tonight I’m having friends and family over and we’re having a wake for him (which sounds crazy if you’re not a animal/dog person, but luckily everyone I know is). Good food, good booze, great stories; I know tonight would have garnered his paw of approval.

I figure if my loved ones handle my death in a similar fashion, I would be pleased enough to not haunt their asses.

Maeve said...

I just watched the movie, Hereafter. Weird stumbling on this thread. Want to know when I am to die and will donate my body to science or the Body Farm in TN. No funeral or wake...I'd hate to think of no one coming. Chronic health issues end up estranging friends (and ex-husband), so it would be anticlimatic. I do believe my grandfathers visit me in my dreams. I have lovely dreams of simply catching up with them about my life. Believe in something more, but don't know what it is.

Merlin D. Bear said...

It's interesting that this topic comes up now, at least personally. I just found out that the warranty on one's body really does expire at age 50.
So, one sustained rapid heartbeat and 4 days in the hospital later, I realized I shouldn't put it off any longer and I'm doing my paperwork.
That being said, I want to be toasted and Roasted when the time comes. Cremate the remains and have one helluva party in my honor.
As for the afterlife, I'm open to the entire 'other realm' concept, however I think there's a reason they call it 'the great Unknown'.
I'll find out when I get there.
As for date of death, no thank you. Suprise me.

RocketQueen said...

Sorry about your pup, Treesap :(

Merlin D. Bear said...

And I'd like to add one addendum:
If it's possible to come back and haunt, I have a list.
So beware.

califblondy said...

I've been thinking more about being cremated because it's cheaper. But, then you gotta worry about who gets the ashes or where they'll go.

I'd love for my ashes to be dropped from the Empire State Building, but my kid said he doesn't want to go to jail for anthrax. If there's a service I don't want any creepy organ funeral music. I want cheesy disco music blaring and everybody grooving to K.C. and the Sunshine Band.

I would like to know when I'll die. I'm a planner and I'm sure I'll need shoes.

Bottom line though is I'll be dead so I guess they'll do whatever the hell they want with me and if I don't like it, I'll haunt their asses.

looserdude said...

I want to be cremated and have my ashes scattered in West Texas. The wind out there blows forever. I don't believe in an afterlife but I like the thought of blowing in the wind.

Ida Blankenship said...

@Treesap -- I'm so sorry about your dog. That's such a hard loss. I'll never trivialize the death of a pet, ever, because it's so much like losing a child. Okay, admittedly, I've never lost a kid and I imagine that's the worst thing EVER, but I hope you get my point. Anyway, my deepest condolences to you.

I'd like to die in my sleep before I fall into full dementia. Like, when I'm eightysomething? I dunno. I'd also like to have had a full meal and an orgasm beforehand, please. Yes, I plan on keeping ALL my appetites into old age.

When my bucket gets kicked, I want to be tossed in the woods and have animals gnaw me away. I'm serious: no crematory chemicals, no embalming fluids, no wasteful coffin or tombstone. Too bad it's highly illegal...

I DO want some sort of memorial, though. Like some sort of plaque in a pretty garden is fine. And I want my epitaph to say "L.A. Face with an Oakland Booty."

Little Miss Smoke and Mirrors said...

I absolutely would not want to know the date of my death, and I can't be buried. The Neptune Society's Memorial Reef may be for me, but only if they have one in the Pacific off the U.S. West Coast.

Treesap - So sorry about your sweet doggie.

Ida - What are you talking about? You passed at your desk at SCDP.

RocketQueen said...

@Ida - before my father died (he was a handlogger/beachcomber, worked on the ocean 9 months of the year), he told us all many times that if we could manage it, he wanted to be put into a sack and thrown into the ocean to become food for it when he died. I always thought that was most noble :) We couldn't manage it, but I never forgot it.

HannahPalindrome said...

In a nice coffin wearing pajamas w/socks.

Billie said...

Wow, so many cool ideas (if dying is cool). I'm an agnostic, but I do believe in Karma. I just think it takes a lot longer than we want, most of the time.
I want to be cremated, no flowers, nothing expensive, unless it's spent on a party. I've always wanted to fly, too, so I like the idea of putting my ashes in a hummingbird feeder! I can't afford it, but I always thought it was pretty cool that Gene Roddenberry (he created Star Trek) had his coffin shot off into space (or was it his ashes). I definitely believe that there is alien life, I just hope we find it in my lifetime. But that's probably the subject for another CDAN Your Turn.
I don't want to know when I'm going to die, because then I will just fixate on it and obsess about it and not enjoy the time I have left.
I think that after we die it will be similar to when we were born. And who can remember that? It probably wasn't bad, so don't fear the reaper. But if there is reincarnation, I think being cremated will quicken the process!

alex said...

I'm religious so I do believe in an afterlife, heaven/hell. So there's that answer.

As for death, my friends and I were talking about this the other day, and since some of them are approaching 80 and I am in my 30's, it was an interesting conversation. I have it in my will that I want them to basically take whatever they want for donation and donate the body for science.

My friends are of the opinion the hospital will refuse my lovely donation and they will have to come get me. I told them to prop me up on the back of the horse trailer and hit all the bars on the way home and have a few for me.

Anotheramy said...

My wishes are in writing, and have been explained to my kids. Its so much easier if people know in advance. Straight to the oven, then sprinkled illegally. I'm stealing the bird feeder idea. Problem is, birds metabolisms are so fast you'll be back on the ground in a few hours.

I know there's an afterlife because Ive been in haunted places, been touched by people or things that arent there, and have been given information I would have no way of knowing any other way. In case youre wondering, it was nothing like Ghost Whisperer or Medium and not even a 1/4 as exciting as TAPs.

I would want to know when I am going to die. I'm living my life assuming I am going to be around a long time. If I'm not, I need to adjust my plans.

There has to be a creator. Nothing as wonderful as life could have happened by chance.

Jasmine said...

Ida Blankenship- OMG HAHAHHAAH. You are AWESOME and i totally want to go just like you do. Orgasm, Awesome last meal, and green planet- feeding burial.

mygeorgie said...

Whatevs, I just hope I'm freshly waxed. Lasting impressions can be horrific.

I hope I don't die on some memorable date so it taints the day's celebrations for my loved ones. Wednesdays are cool.

Jasmine said...

@Looserdude- what you said about wanting to blow in the wind was really moving to me for some reason. As an atheist I will admit to some slight anxiety since I dont believe there is anything lovely like the utopian Heaven that Christian's belive in the afterlife and your description of the wind was very beautiful and soothing to me :)

As for the arrangments for fam and friends- in the Jewish culture we all gather after the funeral for days and eat together and simply tell stories about the deceased. Its funny at times and moving and you just FEEL the person still there. This is the only religious type aspect I would like to incorporate into my death.

ardleigh said...

I think that could have been my comment. Since before birth I never liked confined. I was born weeks early because of it.

Cremated, tossed in the ocean or off a mountain. Of course have a party--IRISH wake with no body.

I'd like to know when I'll die. I'd have everything planned out and hopefully be debt free. I wouldn't want to leave those after me to have to struggle to gather crap together the way we did my Nana who never threw away an "important paper".
The woman passed in 1986 and still had the warranty on her fridge from 1940's. UGHH!

KLM said...

No way would I want to know when I am going to die. Yikes, I have anxiety just thinking about aging.

Treesap - sorry about your dog. I know how horrible it is.

Nightmare Child - count me among the people who are a bit worried about your response. You okay? I hope so...

New Life and Attitude said...

As to what happens after death. I was raised Catholic and always believed in Heaven and Hell. But after many years with my mother-in-law who was very spiritual (and recently passed away), I kind of believe how she did. If we have left unfinished business here on Earth we come back again and again until we have taken care of everything. Once we are at peace we can become guardian angels.
I want to be cremated and my family/friends can have them to do what they want. I only ask that a little bit of my ashes be spread in a few special places. My hubby loves fireworks and when he dies he will be cremated and most of his ashes will be packed into fireworks and then we will have a celebration of his life (there is a company that does this here in California). I also don't want a religious ceremony or anything - just have a party and remember me by doing things that I liked to do and listen to my favorite music. Since I no longer drink or do drugs the one thing I ask is that they all respect that and do not partake in any of that in my honor.

Middle-aged Diva said...

@treesap...so sorry about your dog. Hugs.

Syko said...

I don't want to know when I'm going to die. But yes, cremation and a celebration. My mother died a few years back, she was 82 and the last of her siblings, there really was nobody to attend a funeral so we didn't have one. She'd left her body to the medical school anyway, which after using it for research and training, cremated the remains and buried them in a memorial garden on campus. My kids and I all lived at least 1000 miles from her, so we didn't make the trip, but instead had a nice dinner in her honor and talked about her. She was a churchgoer, and she died on a Sunday morning, so the service that morning was dedicated to her. That doesn't sound so bad.

I think big funerals are not so expected any more. It used to be a necessity almost, but I've heard of a lot of people opting for the party and a quiet cremation.

Moosefan said...

It is in my will, that no family or close friends are to wear black. I want a New Orleans style or old school Southern Church Service with laughter, praising and singing. I want to be cremated and I want half of my ashes to stay with my family and the other I want my family and close friends to take me some where fun and drop me there. It could be Disney, the beach, the fishing pond where my husband and I like to go.

bramblewitch said...

I just had a weird flash yesterday (really) of a crazy funeral for me with my taxidermied body propped up straight with a Miss Haversham white dress on scaring all of my family and friends. (I am sort of death obsessed too)

But the reality is, I would want to either be cremated or have a green burial.

I would not want to know the time and date of my death, nor do I believe in god-the apocalypse or any of that stuff.

Whinemaker said...

If I can go a little off topic ... My adored 43-year-old brother died on October 4 after battling esophageal carcinoma. It was harrowing, to say the least.

He was a professional race car driver. His wish was so have his ashes scattered around one of the race tracks that he loved to drive. So, next month, he will be scattered by one of his best friends and fellow drivers at one of California's most popular tracks. I know he is smiling about this from above ...

michele said...

I don't know what happens after we die.
I would ideally like a green burial but they are around $40000 or so and I think that is ridiculous so cremation it shall be. I want part of my ashes spread at Roseman Bridge in Madison County, Iowa. I would like another part to be spread out over a bluff along the Oregon coast just north of Newport.
I do not want a funeral. I want a celebration of life where my friends and family will eat great food (hopefully some of my favorites) and listen to some tunes I have already selected.

Lian said...

I think right now, I want to be cremated, and have my ashes mixed with my husband's (depending on who dies first, the other will keep the ashes in an urn), and then we'll always be together. And probably buried somewhere we have chosen.

I'm agnostic (against organized religion), but I believe in the idea of a spiritual world. I kind of hope against reincarnation - selfish, but I like my current life. I don't want to re-do it. I like to think that my grandparents are watching over me, so I hope that I'll get to watch over the rest of my family (with my husband by my side!) when I go :)

And I crave spoilers, so yes, I'd definitely want to know when I die. Then I can stop worrying about it and just live :) (I'm like that way with mystery books/movies - I can stop focusing on trying to figure out the ending and just focus on the details and enjoy the trip)

Paige said...

My boyfriends sister in law passed away suddenly right before Christmas 2009. Her family had a service then we took her ashes and went to the beach, at a cabin we always stayed at. She sat on the mantle and we had family and friends come and we had food and it was nice. Then we got up the next mrning and scattered her on the beach. I would like something similar and I would not want to know when it was going to be.

shakey said...

I wouldn't even want to know that someone knew how and when I was going to die. I don't want to know, but I'm too curious for my own good, especially since I've obsessed about death far too much. Guess it's an Irish-heritage thing.

Cremation and a big-ass party for me. Our province is passing a law of some kind stating urns have to be stored somewhere, so no Algonquin Park for me. My husband wants to be stuffed and mounted on his Harley in the living room and every time the phone rings, his eyes would light up red.

Best funeral I've ever been to was my uncle's. He died and was cremated in August of one year, then the end of that September he was buried with my grandparents and my grandmother's aunt. Those who smoked, smoked (cigarettes only) and we all had a shot of Jack Daniels because that was his favourite drink. One uncle is diabetic so he poured his into the hole and after a couple of sips I did the same. Everyone was laughing and having a great time. Then we went to the bar he frequented for so many years and had our party there.

mygeorgie said...

Lian, that is such a beautiful outlook. You don't often hear about spending the 'ever after' with one's partner. I'm jealous :)

Mango said...

@ mygeorgie: My sister died on April Fools Day. A friend of mine told me to think of it as her way of saying, "Just kidding! I'm not really gone!"

I'm atheist and I don't want to know when I'm going to die, but let it be very sudden and painless, please.

I like the idea of cremation BUT ONLY IF I'M REALLY DEAD. I think burial plots take up too much space and the whole funeral business is a huge racket that takes advantage of grieving loved ones who are in a vulnerable state.

My brother lives in CA and has a plane. I kind of like the idea of him dropping my ashes over the Pacific.

Incidentally, my parent's ashes are in boxes in my linen closet. I still haven't decided what do do with them. Maybe I will combine their ashes and have my brother do the drop over the ocean.

MCH said...

@Treesap - Really sorry about your pup. :(

I believe in heaven. And especially the Lovely Bones version of heaven where your dogs are.

I went to a green funeral and the people chose it because it was LESS expensive than a regular funeral. I thought the idea sounded nice but if it's really $40k, then I can just be cremated. Location TBD.

If I live a long full life, I like the ideas here about having a big party...If I were to die young though, I don't see my family going along with that. I HATE going to funerals though so I wouldn't have one of those receiving lines which I dread standing in.