Friday, October 14, 2011

Your Turn

With all the stories about missing infants and babies dying, I wondered if there was a national baby day or something like that. Turns out there is one, and it is this weekend, October 15th. Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day is a day of remembrance for pregnancy loss and infant death which includes but is not limited to miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS, or the death of a newborn. There is also apparently an International Wave Of Light which sounds really cool, and almost Star Wars like. So, for today, if any of you have something you would like to share on this topic, feel free.

37 comments:

selenakyle said...

I'll bite:

Dear God, please bless and keep the souls of all innocent babies and children sent to heaven too early for whatever reason.

And doom to an eternal burning Hell all those who purposely mistreat all innocent creatures, big and small.

Amen.

selenakyle said...

Heaven, sorry.

firebugDVM said...

Thanks for posting this. I had a miscarriage last year (right after I had bought my older daughter "I'm going to be a big sister shirt.") I never knew there was a day dedicated for the babies that have been lost. I'm sure they are all looking down on us and smiling

old ;ady said...

Right now there is a missing baby in Ludington, Michigan. At 4 months old her father took her because he didn't want his parents to know. She has been missing since June 29th. The Mother took and passed the polygraph. The father has been in jail since the day the baby went missing. He was found with the carseat and diaper bag in his truck and the clothes she was wearing wadded up in his pocket. He refuses to tell where she is. Ludington is a very wooded area with a lot of swamps and lakes. Someone needs to get this douchbag to talk.

K Dub said...

I'm so sorry for the loss of your pregnancy firebug. Such a difficult thing to go through. ((hug))

Jeri said...

I didn't know there was a day for this but it is a wonderful thing.

All those who have lost a baby and all the babies and babies to be that are gone deserve this rememberance.

Here's hoping some can find consolation.

Christine said...

Like firebug, I've suffered miscarriages. Five to be exact. Four before the birth of my first son, who was born courtesy of Dr. Alan Beer, the late, pioneering reproductive immunologist. www.repro-med.net. I then had another miscarriage and figured, well, one child is better than a lot of people get. Then I got pregnant again (unintentionally - because my iPhone app did not accurately predict fertile days LOL). And thought for SURE it would be another miscarriage. I hadn't done any of the treatments or anything. But there was a heartbeat my little one grew and grew. And now I am blessed with two sons.
Miscarriage is cruel, and people's reactions to it are unfairly dismissive. It's a loss, and the woman will always carry the pain of the loss with her.

Christine said...

And thank you, Enty, for posting this.

bluebonnetmom said...

I have had three miscarriages and I do think about how old the children would be. I will admit to crying my eyes out when I read "Heaven is for real" and the little boy says we will see our children we have lost again. And our beloved pets. That made me feel really good.

Moosefan said...

I am a member of a support group called MEND. We have members who have lost a child due to miscarriage,birth defect, cord accident, or unknown causes. For more information you can go to www.MEND.org to get more information.
Sending love and blessings for those that have lost their children. You are not alone.

Sis said...

I am so sorry for your losses, my heartfelt hugs to each and every one of you who has experienced such a loss.

fordellcastle said...

My daughter was stillborn January 21,1998. I'd been advised to have an abortion due to complications and results of amniocentesis. I believe in freedom of choice, but I personally could not do that. I ended up in ER bleeding horribly. My husband at the time was nowhere to be found. They told me there was no heartbeat. I wanted to die, too. Labor and delivery alone was a nightmare. I'm still overwhelmed with guilt due to chronic diseases I suffer from that could have harmed her.

Theresa said...

My son Henry was born still at 7months five years ago this December 16th. To this day, it amazes me how even family are so reluctant to talk about it. I have a friend who lost her little girl last year, and she says I am the only person she knows that will let her cry and talk about it. People act like these precious babies never existed, and that is as heartbreaking as the loss itself.It's a hole that will be there forever. So thank you Enty, for being probably the only blogger or website that even went so far as to mention the significance of tomorrow. Special thoughts for all the other ladies here who have experienced this loss too.

Christine said...

That's what is so hard about miscarriage and babies born still. There is usually not a method to grieve them. When a person who has been around awhile dies, we have our memories of them, at least. But for miscarriage and babies, a lot of times, the mother doesn't even know the gender, or what they looked like. And yes, combine that with no one wanting to talk to you about it, or worse, telling you to "just get over it" (as if you ever could) --- it's really a recipe for unresolved grief and more heartbreak. To the other moms on this thread, my deepest condolences on your losses.

Sue (in MO) said...

Six times in my life, there was life inside of me. Six times I lost those sweet souls. It's something only another woman who has been there can understand, but all too often it's a pain we carry alone. No one in my family wants to hear about lost babies... They don't even know about three of them. But for a few days, a few weeks, a few months... there WAS life. And no matter what others think or what they believe - it matters. To me. Thanks Enty for mentioning Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. And hugs to all of you who share this day with me.

Me said...

i had a son die at birth. the worst thing really is that no one else remembers. no one. maybe thats why they have this day. no one likes to talk about dead babies/children or bring them up. i always feel a sort of extra special connection with him on his birth day (which no one else remembers). not sure why, but i FEEL him. maybe bcause that's all i had of him

i had a close relative tell me (at the time), "well, at least you didn't get attached".

it was over 10 years ago, and i have other children. but even now, writing this, i'm getting misty eyed. i never "get" to talk about it. i remember my grandmother having a similar thing happen and she referred to it as, "that baby deal", we all felt very awkward and HATED it. so i get that it makes people uncomfortable.

i'm in therapy, but haven't even gotten to this. thinking i will be in therapy for-ev-er.....aw well, at least i have insurance that covers it, right?

Ms Cool said...

I had two miscarriages before I was lucky enough to have my sweet son. I was devastated. I feel so lucky now.

Maja. With a J. said...

What a sad thread - but I do think it's a good thing someone is talking about it. It's one of those subjects nobody brings up, it's just not mentioned. I'm so sorry that so many of you have had to go through that...I can't even imagine.

feraltart said...

My husband and I are infertile. It is devastating to know that you will never have the children you longed for. We found out we were infertile on a Friday and as we drove out to a friend's house on the Saturday I told my husband not to say anything as I thought they would tell us they were pregnant. It turned out two of our friends were pregnant, so we couldn't share our grief with anyone for months, as we didn't want to take away from our friends good news. I have a dear friend who lost her daughter, Rebecca, at 37 weeks gestation. I talk to her about Rebecca, because I know that it means a lot to her. One time we were talking and she was complaining about the children when she said to me "you're probably not the person I should be saying this to". I am fine with people talking about their children to me, but just the fact that she was so thoughtful as to say that meant the world to me. I hope no-one who has actually lost a child is offended that I posted as well. My heart goes out to all of you.

endoandbeyond said...

Thank you for posting this - long time reader, first time commenter.

I have had 4 miscarriages and am still struggling to get pregnant. My thoughts and prayers are with those suffering.

I always remember them and will especially remember them tomorrow.

thanks again

Shoeaddict said...

I'm so sorry to all of you who had miscarriages and gave birth to babies born sleeping. I've had miscarriages. I also, finally, have a gorgeous, healthy, wild 2 year old daughter. ALL BABIES are special and wonderful and it's a PRIVILAGE and HONOR to be a mother. As well as hard, hard and HARD. May every single person who has ever lost a child be comforted and every single person that's been cruel to one be miserable and burn in hell.

JessieE said...

I know that tomorrow www.bandbacktogether.com is dedicated to lost babies. It's a great site for anyone who wants or needs to share their issues, whatever they might be. Aunt Becky (Mommy Wants Vodka) runs the site and has grown it to encompass all sorts of needs...

redronnie said...

My long awaited sister died moments after birth. To my family it was if she never existed, my mother never spoke of her. My husband and I had a surprise shortly after I turned 40 - and we were stunned then delighted, we started picking names, I miscarried at five months. We both think about that little person and wonder what they would have been like, who they would have looked like and how wonderful it would have been if..I'm grateful my husband shares those mental milestones with me and wonders what if with me. thank you everyone for sharing.

kp said...

I lost lil punkins at 19 weeks in 1996 and 12 weeks in 2001. I still think of them every day. They aren't here but are no less special than my 3 living children. Love and blessing to anyone who has ever had this experience. It does get better.

girltrav said...

Sad day at my apartment building... 7 month old choked to death about 1/2 hour after this post. Been watching the cops come in and out all day-and the coroner just left. No one's fault, just life.
I've never had kids, but after reading your posts and what happened here-I have...sorry not enough words right now.

Jennifer said...

My cousin is currently 4 1/2 months pregnant with a baby they know will either be stillborn or die within a few hours of being born. She and her husband decided that they couldn't go thru with an abortion after watching their baby alive and moving on the ultrasound. My heart breaks for her knowing what she is going thru. Her pregnancy will progress. People will be excited to see her pregnant belly and ask her when she's due and if it's a boy or a girl. Meanwhile, she knows that she will never bring her son home from the hospital.

lanasyogamama said...

Lots of prayers, positive thoughts, and hugs to everyone here who has experienced this.

firebugDVM said...

It's amazing how a gossip site can bring so many together on one topic. After my miscarriage last year I got a series of steroid injections for my back when has (up to this time) made me infertile. That being said, I do have a 2 year old daughter and if she is the only child I can carry I am OK with that. I want to adopt (of course by hubby "needs" a blood-borne boy b/c his last name dies with him), so would love to be able to carry a namesake for him. However, we will be parents to a full family one way or another

Thanks you to everyone for sharing their thoughts and experiences. I cannot imagine having a still-born or losing a child that's already been born. This experience was so hard as it was and I cannot even imagine going even further into the pregnancy (we were at 8 weeks when they discovered the baby had no heartbeat). Love to you all! And happy procreating on those that are trying :)

firebugDVM said...

"An Angel in the book of life wrote down our babies birth, and whispered as she close the book....."Too beautiful for earth."

Love this

GladysKravitz said...

I'm sorry for everyone who has ever experienced this kind of loss. I can't imagine the pain of it and I doubt if I could bear it. The world seems so unfair to me and I wish none of us had to experience this kind of loss.

Jesse D said...

I love you guys. Prayers for all tonight.

Jonel said...

My son was born still July 2010 @ 31 weeks...I wonder how my baby Noah would have been each day...I am fortunate to have a healthy 6 year old...I wish I could talk about him more but people seem not to want to and I feel awkward bringing him up to other people besides my daughter and boyfriend...

sorry to those who have had other children pass...it truly is the hardest thing I have had to cope with and these past 2.5 years have been very trying (dad died in a freak car accident in '09) but at some point things have to get better, right?

Miss X said...

I've never lost a child (I have none) but I can imagine the pain of losing that child. I'm close to someone who lost a baby who was born too early. She has other children now but I'm the only person she's really able to talk to about the child she lost. Just because we don't have time to really get to know the lost child does not make that child any less human. Or any less important.

I'm so glad this day exists. Thank you for posting about this!

lutefisk said...

When I was about 12 weeks pregnant with my son I most likely miscarried his twin. I hadn't had an internal sonogram yet so I can't be positive, but something enormous came out of me, I was hysterical and flushed it away. This was Thanksgiving morning and I was expecting a house full of people. My daughter, then two, told my sister I had a baby in my tummy. For some reason my sister got upset because I hadn't told her earlier, stormed out of my house, and my entire family followed her and didn't speak to me for months. The next morning I did have an internal sonogram, and there was a heartbeat. My son was born two months early after a horrible pregnancy. I decided not to have a third kid after that.

My sister became pregnant with mono-amniotic twins. She was advised several times to terminate the pregnancy since it is rare to carry twins in one amniotic sac full term. She felt that she could be one of the people to get through the pregnancy. At 31 weeks, two weeks before she was scheduled to deliver, she didn't feel anything. Sure enough, one flipped and strangled the other, causing them both to die. It was so horrible and something you never, ever get over, but 14 months later she gave birth to a beautiful little girl, and unexpectedly got pregnant again with another little girl and had her when she was 45.
Ironically, there is no history of twins in our family.

hoosierlady said...

Thank you, Enty. One miscarriage. One nurse asked me if I knew why I couldn't quit crying, I said no, she said because someone had died and I was to remember that no matter what anyone else said, that to me that baby was someone, and that someone had died.

Thank you God for that nurse.

Lelaina Pierce said...

@hoosierlady - Perfect thing to say and I hope it brought you some comfort.

I had a friend who lost a child to SIDS. Absolutely heartbreaking funeral.

Lelaina Pierce said...

@hoosierlady - Perfect thing to say and I hope it brought you some comfort.

I had a friend who lost a child to SIDS. Absolutely heartbreaking funeral.