Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Johnny Depp & Vanessa Paradis Have Split


One thing I will say for Kneepads, they rarely go for the good gossip, preferring instead to kiss as much publicist butt as possible, but when they do, they are always right. Their cover story this week is all about Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis and how they live separate lives and how after 13 years of being together, it is over. So, dig through your closet and find your best clothes because you never know when you will have your chance to get some one on one time with Mr. Depp. You might even want to clean the dust off your well worn VHS copy of Private Resort and explain to those younger than you what exactly a VHS is. Oh, while you are at it, cassettes too. Don't bother to explain an 8 track because you will just blow their mind and look at you like you came from the future.


I guess the cleaned up Johnny Depp knows he needs to do something to look nice for the ladies. He is just like any guy. Let yourself go to hell after you find someone and when they dump you for passing out on the sneeze guard at their sister's wedding, then you clean yourself up and drop one or two pounds.

53 comments:

Kimberly said...

Seeeee..shes tired of the heavy drinking and recreational drug use..

pr787 said...

Jolie messed with him during that film they did together and since then both his behaviour and films have gotten worse.

Kimberly said...

How did she,mess with him

figgy said...

He's a heavy drinker? Please tell me he did not succumb to Jolie, ick.

MISCH said...

If you've seen the pictures of Vanessa and how awful she's been looking you didn't need People Magazine confirm this...It's sad for the kids.

EmEyeKay said...

I think part of the JD attraction is that he's been in a long, monogamous (?) relationship, a family man. For me it is. Weird to think of him as being single and dating.

Tempestuous Grape said...

We would make wonderful wino's together...CALL ME, JOHN!

MonstersInc said...

I'm 20 and we had VHS and cassettes when I was little but I have NO IDEA what an 8 track is?

Syko said...

You said it, Misch. I saw a picture of Vanessa and Lily-Rose on surisburnbook.com last week and she was one tough, pissed-off looking woman. The little girl was adorable, though.

Syko said...

Someone explain 8-tracks to MonstersInc, please. I know very little about them because in their heyday I was still spinning my vinyl records, and I think I owned one 8-track tape before cassettes moved in and made them obsolete.

Rose said...

I can't think of a more attractive man that looks so unattractive all the time than Johnny Depp. I know their is hotness under all that filth. I wish we got to see it once in while.

Jessi said...

Sad.

ms snarky said...

Johnny Depp can do no wrong, unless he had a dalliance with Angelina Jolie. Could this woman possibly wreck more relationships than she already has? I geniunely dislike her.

msgirl said...

You people are honestly putting the blame on AJ? Wow.

This is sad, I liked them as a couple. I honestly think Vanessa gave him an ultimatum about his mid-life crisis drug and drink bend. Remember, he's had this trouble in the past - busting the hotel room with Kate Moss, etc.

BigMama said...

Several things are going on right now in the world

1. Winona Ryder is hitting the gym, plastic surgeon office and rehab all at the same time

2. Kate Moss is doing the same thing while contacting a divorce lawyer (isn't she married?)

3. Angelina Jolie will be seen drapped all over Brad Pitt until this dies down

4. Every female with a hidden tiger beat photo under their mattress with a 21 Jump Street era Johnny Depp photo is flipping the hell out and trying to us GoogleEarth to find his home address

5. Kris Kardashian is trying to figure out a way to get Kim in the next Pirates movie.

Ms Cool said...

I am sad for their family. I don't understand how AJ is to blame, though.

Ms Cool said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rose said...

I don't blame AJ but I do remember the rumor going around at the time of filming The Tourist that they had an affair. Obviously, I wouldn't know if it was true but it wouldn't surprise me.

mikey said...

8-tracks were popular in the mid/late 70's - until CD's came on the market. Like a cassette in a bigger box - hard to explain. They were bulky, hard to store but did hold up better than cassettes. I wore out my 8 tracks of Boston and Frampton Comes Alive. I had an 8 track player installed in my Camero. How's that for going back in time?

RJ said...

mikey, my husband's first car was a 78 Camero. But I think he had a cassette player. My first stereo had an 8 track, and I always thought 8 tracks sounded better than cassettes, although records sounded best of all.

Seachica said...

My cell phone cover is a cassette tape, and I get strangers stopping me to ask about it. I love it.

I have always been impressed with how long this marriage lasted. Depp has to have temptation thrown in his face constantly.

Big mama - you forgot that LindsayLohan is applying to the courts for a visa to travel to France

Seachica said...

Knee pads -- I know that depp being single again feels like a throwback to the 90s, but you didn't need to go completely retro with the JFK jr story too

crila16 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
crila16 said...

Are you sure Jolie fooled around with Depp? I had heard that his BO was soooo bad (cause he never showers), that she couldn't stand working or being near him during the filming of the Tourist.

Wasn't born when 8 Tracks were used, but it's basically a cartridge the size of a VHS tape (maybe a little smaller...more like a Beta tape size) and you shoved them into a car or stereo, just like a vhs tape into a vhs player...and it played music. Then the cassetts came out, followed by CD's...now Ipod. One day, you're all going to feel old when your kids ask "What's a CD?"

BigMama said...

@Seachica - OMG you are so right....Oh and don't forget Jennifer Aniston's manager is trying to set up a "date" right after they make her break up with whatshisbutt

BigMama said...

I can see the headline now

Jennifer gets what Angelina couldn't! Johnny Depp! Expecting triplets after worldwind romance!

I tell you, it's gossip rag GOLD!

swedishfish said...

I grew up in the end of the records/beginning of tapes era. I have a brother 10 years younger than me, and when I was 15 I showed him how to play a record. I got it on the player and started it, and he said, "Is it rewound?"

msgirl said...

8 tracks and Beta tapes certainly didn't last long! Kind of like BluRay vs. HD.

I think this pair were doomed when Depp moved the family off the farm in the quiet town in France to Hollywood. Hollywood got to him. Again. So this is why he's been saying these crazy things, like supporting Polanski?

moondancekat said...

Wow, I just figured out what kneepads stands for...after all this time too! doh...
JD should stay single. Actually so should all of Hollywood.

AKM said...

Heheheh, I wasn't sure what "Kneepads" was either, moondancekat, until I just now thought about it.

This would be the answer to that blind about the couple splitting up and his ex wanting to get back in, right? The ex being Winona or Kate; my guess is Kate, BTW.

For what it's worth, I just bought a new used car last summer and I haven't bothered to put in a CD player yet. All my Springsteen and Fleetwood Mac cassettes still sound great, thank you very much! ;-)

Cheryl said...

My mother had an 8 track stereo that you could record on so she would make them for her friends with lots Rufus featuring Chaka Khan and Barry White.

And my 11 year old laughs when I call an iPod a Walkman.

timebob said...

I think Johnny & Winona made a cute couple. They were just too young when they got together.

It would be interesting if they hooked up again later in life and more mature about things.

RenoBlondee said...

@msgirl you forgot to add Laser Discs to that list, lol. I had a player in the 90's and still have several discs now that I don't know what to do with. I feel like I shouldn't throw them away!

My favorite coupling was him and Wynonna.

old ;ady said...

I still have my 8 tracks in my mothers no my nephews garage. Big Mama makes me laugh so hard my sides hurt and I need it right now.

Little Miss Smoke and Mirrors said...

Blogger Rose said...

I can't think of a more attractive man that looks so unattractive all the time than Johnny Depp. I know their is hotness under all that filth. I wish we got to see it once in while.


Co-sign this. I see him, think he's talented and handsome under all the smoke and dirt, but ultimately... I wouldn't.

Unknown said...

our 77' Cadddy has the 8-track player still, love playing it with the top down on a summer night...but the gas mileage is for shit!

Susan said...

Yes, BigMama. Your list is a winner.

I watched 21 Jumpstreet religiously. So pissed off that they made a ripoff movie of it.

Definitely think JD is back on the sauce.

OMAMA is BROKO said...

OMG, "dust off the VHS and explain what it is..." LOL. Try getting grounded kids to use, (how dare I say....a land line) PHONE!!!!!!!!!!

Their response, "we don't talk on the phone." Fine f them!

**they don't use phones, cd's, dvd's, all they want are their androids and laptops. When's Iran shooting off that EMP???? It may be the salvation of the USA youth. For real.

DixieTheNoble82 said...

@BigMama nailed this one, for sure!

nolachickee said...

Johnny lost me after 21 Jumpstreet. When on that show, he kept his hair cut relatively short, had no ridiculous facial hair and looked as though he bathed. After that, he went downhill in my book. Isn't it funny - he played an undercover cop on that show. It's like he was undercover from the real Johnny Depp as well!

The Black Cat said...

Never found him attractive, ever.

mikey said...

RJ, those were the days, weren't they?

Kimberly said...

Susan...I must.see the new 21 jump street because they fimed parts of it in my.hometown of.arlington texas, which they will call Dallas.and.some in,my high school..wow

Lelaina Pierce said...

@MonstersInc - Here you go. A pic of the grand ole eight track. :)

My mother had an in dash one in her car in the early 80's. We wore out her Motown and "beach music" eight tracks.

14 years is a long time in Hollyweird. Wonder what went wrong?

Jessie said...

I'm not very familiar with Paridis but from interviews I've read and the movie Heartbreaker she seems very sweet and loving. Sad to hear they're splitting up.

GSDlover said...

I'm sad to hear that they are breaking up after all this time together, the kids are the ones I worry about.
I remember watching 21Jump Street as a kid and I thought JD was really cute then and he still is.

RocketQueen said...

Lol thank you, msgirl. I knew as soon as I saw this headline at least someone would be in here blaming Jolie for this. Ridiculously hilarious.

Idontwantaf*ckingblog said...

someone posted on DListed that the rumor in Europe is that he got down with Eva Green.

I saw elsewhere (sorry, can't remember which site), that Paradis and her mother are really controlling. Not saying he doesn't have his own set of flaws, just throwing this into the mix.

Unknown said...

Gee, Enty, I remember all your nice posts about Johnny. Now I feel a chill breeze. 8-track is a drug reference. And Vanessa - well, from things I've read other places, she's no saint either. But Johnny will take the blame, just like he did when he and Moss split.

MonstersInc said...

Lelaina Pierce Thank you. That thing looks MASSIVE!!!!

Lurky Loo said...

My thought is that JD was too smart to get involved with Angelina and saw right through her BS, though time will tell. Sad but they are probably just a couple more casualties of a celebrity marriage. Nothing to look at here.

lzahart said...

I would love to understand how 8-track is a drug reference. Is it because it has the word "8" which is also in the term "eight-ball" and also the word "track", like track marks? Please educate me on how on earth that is a drug ref. It seems a little far to go to write 3 sentences from VHS to cassette tapes to 8-tracks all for the purposes of subtly hinting at something. Not saying JD is an angel- clearly not- or isn't a drug user- he very well may be again, esp if he really passed out at his sister in law's wedding then yeah it would seem so- but I don't understand how that one thing was the drug reference

Unknown said...

An 8-track is 1/3 oz of cocaine. In an episode of 21 Jump Street, Holly Robinson's character tried to buy an 8-track from a dealer. Vanessa's sister isn't married, so the passing out reference to something else, and probably the Private Resort reference, too.