“I have known Billy Bob Thornton for many years. From the first days on our set of filming, I knew I would end up taking Laura Dern from him and that as many times as John Cusack hit on me, I would keep ignoring him. Too vanilla. I like spicy. Nothing says spicy to me than a guy who is 5'5” and weighs 95 pounds. A man who hates Canada and chain smokes while we have sex. A man who calls Brad, Bradley and teases him about his hair. A man who is not afraid to be rough with me and call his ex-girlfriends while we have sex and invite them over.
I remember the day when we got some razor blades and were going to chop up some coke when the blade slipped and cut my wrist. Suddenly there was blood and I told him we should put some in vials and wear them around our necks. So, we dumped out the coke and put the blood in there and then smeared it all over our bodies and had sex while we watched “Friends” and I plotted getting my next man.
No, not Brad. But Max. This was the end of my relationship with Billy Bob. He was jealous over my son and we also knew that if we were to continue, one of us would die because the sex was too intense; neither of us ate for weeks on end in a competition to see who could look more anorexic; and his hair coloring was out of control. A box a day is just too much Billy Bob. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the book as much as I enjoy my time with Billy.”