Over the past few days, Mayim Bialik aka Blossom has been promoting her book and discussing attachment parenting. Apparently her entire family lives in a one bedroom house and all sleep in the same room. She also continues to breast feed her children until they are about 4. That seems a long time. How long is too long when it comes to breastfeeding and would you want your child to be almost in kindergarten and still breastfeeding?
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63 comments:
It's a personal choice of course, but once the teeth come in, it's time for the sippy cup.
Some cultures believing in breast feeding till that age.
I recall when I was in elementary school I visited my bf at the time home and to my surprised I walked in on her mother breastfeeding her 5 year old little brother. They were from the Middle East.
If they can ask for it, they're too old.
I dunno. I don't have kids. But I probably won't parent like that when (if) I do. I think I'd like my kids to be super independent.
Bitty. Bitty. BITTY!
(off to go watch some Little Britain sketches)
Sounds like Blossom has been eating a few too many poppies...
When I lived in Berkeley, California, I found that this was pretty common there.
From what I know of child health and development, the physical benefits from nursing drop off precipitously after 12 months. Not to say it does damage, but not sure that the benefits are anything but emotional.
My first thought, though, is how the heck do Mayim and her husband have sex?
Whatever works for you.
Nothing gets people crazier than to have their child-rearing choices challenged. Nothing.
Some babies can ask for it at 6 months. They aren't too old.
Full disclosure, I nursed DD until she was three.
It wasn't until I had children that I became a believer in many facets (not all) of attachment parenting.
califblondy said...
It's a personal choice of course, but once the teeth come in, it's time for the sippy cup.
Good point. If the kid still wants it, use a pump.
I am not really into the whole attachment parenting thing, but to each their own. I have several friends who breastfed their child/children until they were 3 or so. My son stopped breastfeeding at 10 months because he stopped - I don't know what I would have done if he had still wanted to after a year. I always planned to stop at 12 months, but it's hard to say. I am pregnant again, and again am planning 12 months, but we'll see.
And I agree with LMS&M - nothing pisses people off more than having their parenting choices challenged.
I think it's a personal choice. If I had children I am pretty confident to say that I *wouldn't* choose it. I like the idea of making kids more independent.
I breastfed my kids until their teeth started to come in(mine were biters and it hurt!) which was on average 6-7 months.
The short one made the decision for me just as I was thinking it was time to close up shop (at a little over a year). Worked out great! I have friends who went much longer (less time, too) than me but kept my mouth shut about it. It's such a personal decision, and it's so easy to be judgmental (or seem like you are judging, even if you're just commenting).
@Little Miss - you're absolutely right!
I did not attatchment parent my child but I would have if that's what she wanted.
I nursed her until age 2 and she weaned herself. I'll admit I was not expecting that and we were down to just nursing at night before bed.
I did sling and backpack her always--no stroller. She was raised vegetarian. She did have daily routine though and nap time.
She preferred her crib until almost four and was reluctant to have the front gate removed. Big girl bed came soon after.
Kids tell you what they need if you listen.
I love her natural ways.
To backtrack to Alicia Silverstone--I never prechewed but I did bite off a piece of something or touch it to my lip to see if it was hot.
What I find strange is when adults put a pacifier in their kids mouth--how unnatural is that? Plastic or silicone for them to suck on all day? My daughter never had a bottle. She nursed and we used a small spoon or pipette (straw) to give her water as a baby and used sippy cups we helped her with until sshe could do it herself.
I did not attatchment parent my child but I would have if that's what she wanted.
I nursed her until age 2 and she weaned herself. I'll admit I was not expecting that and we were down to just nursing at night before bed.
I did sling and backpack her always--no stroller. She was raised vegetarian. She did have daily routine though and nap time.
She preferred her crib until almost four and was reluctant to have the front gate removed. Big girl bed came soon after.
Kids tell you what they need if you listen.
I love her natural ways.
To backtrack to Alicia Silverstone--I never prechewed but I did bite off a piece of something or touch it to my lip to see if it was hot.
What I find strange is when adults put a pacifier in their kids mouth--how unnatural is that? Plastic or silicone for them to suck on all day? My daughter never had a bottle. She nursed and we used a small spoon or pipette (straw) to give her water as a baby and used sippy cups we helped her with until sshe could do it herself.
Well I wouldn’t want to go into the ER with my titty in my hand saying “ You ain’t gonna believe it doc, but my kid bit mah titty off...guess junior got too thirsty...."
(in an attempt to keep from being neither "peachy or fudgy" haha)
I always held to the belief that if they can unbutton the blouse it might be time to stop. I nursed all three of mine with formula suppliments till about 9 months.
As for the sleeping arrangements.....meh, whatever works for them. Probably the best birth control around.
@figgy I think you're right, past 12 months it's more about comfort for the kid than nutrition.
When I had my kid, I was bound & DETERMINED to bf for 2 years. Then it took more then 5 weeks of frustration I can't even begin to describe before he could latch properly. Then he went on a nursing strike at 9 months, and despite the help of numerous lactation consultants, could never get him back to nursing. I still pumped till he was 17 months old, and honestly if I could go back, I wouldn't do it again. I would have stopped worrying about it after the nursing strike, fed him formula till 12 months, then gone to milk. I still can't believe I kept myself hooked up to that fucking pump EVERY DAY for 8 months.
Oh my god, *than *than *than, I can't believe I did that.
Unclear^?? I nursed and had to use suppliments as well.
My youngest just turned 2. While he still wants to be nursed, you can tell he's not getting as much comfort from it as he used to. Also, he's getting bigger so it's physically awkward for both of us. After having kids though, I don't judge. I do wonder though if in some cases (maybe for Mayim, maybe not), it's because breastfeeding helps some women take the baby weight off.
I don't have kids, so I will be the first to say I don't know much about the argument nor have the experience as basis for my opinion..BUT I agree @Ashlea, if they can ask for it, they might be a wee bit too old for it!
I wholeheartedly believe though that as long as parents are raising their kids in a loving, supporting manner - there should be no judgement about their methods. We have too many (we all know from Blinds on CDAN) parents in this world who f*ck their kids up by physical and verbal abuse, and just plain not being around to waste our time condemning parents that do care.
They have proven it's not as safe for baby to sleep in mom and dad's bed though. They should be in their crib or cradle with no bedding or accessories for the first 4-6 months.
Oh, and putting ANYthing from your mouth into your child's mouth, whether it's a pacifier or food you chewed or a spoon--BAD BAD BAD idea.
This is a great way to spread cariogenic bacteria, i.e., cavities are contagious, and you will give your kids early cavities by doing this.
To each their own. But I do believe in some privacy, both for the parents and the kids. It's good for everyone to have their own space to retreat to. At the very least, they must get on each other's nerves. My mom loved the phrase "Go to your damn room and stay there". She said it a lot.
I nursed for up to 10/11 months. By then it was just the night-night one, but I still had to give my kid - who is ginormous - a full-fledged bottle of milk. And, my baby always took a bottle while I nursed because I went back to work like 2 months in. I totally got SUPER depressed when I stopped nursing. And like a week later, my milk started to come back in. It was so uncomf. But, my baby really did not care one way or another if he was getting my boobie or the bottle. And by that point, he was eating so much food, it just didn't matter.
My sister in law nursed her children until they were hella old. Sorry, I just find it bizarro when children who are 2 or 3 are still getting nursed. And they are sticking their hand down your damn shirt. And the whole teeth thing. Shudder. I do think alot of times the person with the attachment issue is the mom, not the baby. Sorry if my opinion offends, but this blog asked. Once the child gets to a certain age, they are getting minimal nourishment from it. So, I don't get the point. My SIL also always claimed that all three of her babies would NEVER take a bottle. Again, I don't get that. You just keep trying. If they want the milk, they'll take it.
Both my sisters nursed their babies as well, but not past age 1. All of the children were weaned at different times.
It really is an individual thing.
If it works for their family and doesn't harm the children, then I'm all for it. Not sure I'd do the same thing if I had little people, but who knows?
To each their own. For me, a year's the limit, in part because I want my life & boobies back.
I think that you should look at it like you would formula. When the child is ready for solid foods I don't see a need for breastmilk; however I do believe that if you want to give your child breastmilk longer for nutritional benefits, you should just pump.
Do vegans breastfeed? I read that Alicia Silverstone breastfeeds, but isn't that an animal product?
generally, i think breast feeding past 3 is freaky. but i admire her ao much that i'm not bothered. attachment parenting is hard work! and she went back to school, after she was a star/had money, and got a PhD! she really lives what she preaches, so good for her.
It's definitely a personal choice. I nursed my first for only 4 months and quit cuz 30 years ago you didn't nurse in front of people and it became really tiring to have to excuse myself every 2 hours. My second child was a different story, eleven years later, tho. He nursed for 9 months and went straight to the cup. He was too busy to be bothered with it. Neither one ever bit. Teeth aren't involved in nursing. On the other hand, I find attachment parenting a little too much for my taste.
I'm not a parent, but I'm currently reading the book because I adore her and I'd like to learn about parenting just in case. I'm not very far into the book yet, though. I LURVE her writing style -- check her out on FB and on Kveller -- and her attitude about AP is very cool; it works for them and if others don't want to do it, that's cool, too. I'm pretty sure she addresses the how-do-you-have-sex? question, but like I said, I haven't gotten there yet. :-)
In my opinion, if the child is capable of walking up to you and lifting up your shirt to get a drink, then its past time to wean.
In general, when it comes to parenting, I try to have the opinion of 'whatever works for you' but this is one of those things that I do get a bit judgy about.
has anyone seen the documentary from the UK about the lady that was still bfing her girls who were like 5 and 7? The kids drew freaking pictures of the boobs and named them? ugh
We have kind of a quasi attachment parenting style for our 7 month old. I breastfeed (mostly pump though, since we had to supplement & I'm not as fast as a bottle & he gets frustrated). He definitely nurses for comfort when he's upset though - both my husband & I think it's really sweet. My aunt breastfed until my cousins were at least 2 - I think my last cousin was 3. I think the WHO says that the world average age of weaning is 3, but I'm not sure.
We have a stroller and use it most of the time, but when he was younger (under 6 months) we used the Ergo carrier more. Our little guy is the size (length) of an average 10 month old and he weighs 20lbs, so he's heavy for me to carry him for very long.
As for co-sleeping, I can completely understand the love of it. My son LOVES it when we let him - he almost always sleeps in his crib in our room, but if he gets up at 6am on the weekends, we let him come into bed with us so we can sleep in. We put him at the top of the bed between our pillows (so even if we pull the covers to our chins, he doesn't have blankets near his face). Never when we've taken cold/pain medication or anything either.
But like others have said, whatever works for you is what's best for you (my sister only formula fed, kids in their own room and never had a carrier, only strollers, but that's what worked for her and her kids turned out wonderfully). Honestly, I think a lot of it comes down to the child feeling loved and respected.
It seems like the whole family would be sleep deprived, but that is their concern.
I am about to have a baby and have been doing a lot of reading on attachment parenting, etc. I think I will draw from some of their ideas, but not all. Again, to each their own. I will be a working mother but plan to breast feed/pump. It is extra work when you have a busy career, but of course it's worth it to me. That being said, if I can get to the 1 year mark with my daughter I will be pleased.
I will not co-sleep with my children. I have already lost 4 babies during pregnancy and feel like having our children sleep in our bed would just heighten the chance of something happening and I can't bear the thought. My children will sleep in a cradle next to my bed for the first few months and then will move to their crib (that will not have bumper pads).
I know some people who subscribe to attachment parenting in its entirety - including a lot of the things that Mayim Bialik is promoting in her book. Fine for them, not entirely the way I will choose to parent.
My sis breastfed her son forever, but he is very well-adjusted. I think it's a personal choice - they probably should stop before kindergarten, though.
I like Mayim Bialik's alternative parenting. It'll be interesting to see how her kids turn out, but there's nothing wrong with raising them to not buy into the BS - that fame, money, power, etc. are everything.
OMG. Good luck, SnowCherries. I wish you a happy and healthy pregnancy and baby. And, good luck to all the other mommies to be as well.
I occasionally slept with my baby in the first five months. Sometimes, he would fall asleep on me while nursing. We had a bassinet in our room for 3 months, and then I switched him to the crib. I truly think my baby slept more soundly by himself.
Everything is a personal choice with a baby. I believe you just have to see what works for your baby.
I don't get the whole attachment concept is it to make your child more attached emotionally? Me and my child have a great relationship. I bf till around 1 never co slept unless she was ill She walked when she could I dislike buggys once a child can walk and never used a dummy Never saw the point really. Potty training is a bug bear of mine I trained from 18 months wasn't easy but it's not supposed to be but my niece is 4 and 4 months and still in nappys i find that just strange tbh
Yes, Vegans breastfeed. Human breast milk is meant for human babies. Cow's milk is not.
My little guy was too weak to nurse so I pumped and fed him for 14 months. I felt so helpless given all his medical problems that it was a great thing for me to be able to give him breast milk. I wish I could have nursed him but feeding was such a special experience, I am glad my husband and mother could be a part of it, too.
I feel that whatever works for your family is good (within reason). Personally, I always felt if the child can unbutton the blouse, then it is time to move on!
Someone mentioned pacifiers - I want to say that they really helped me little guy. He wasn't able to eat food when he was first born and the pacifier helped him to learn to suckle. Also, it helped him to self soothe which was especially helpful after his 4 heart surgeries! Again, to each their own.
I agree that nothing riles parents more than criticizing their parenting methods. I've been guilty of judging and am more relaxed about my opinions on benign topics.
I was in the Army when I had my daughter. Breast feeding was not an option. I will tell you about my Aunt Susie instead. Aunt Susie breast fed her kids till they were starting kindergarten. My mother said that the kids was killing her. She was all skin and bones. She couldn't have weight 95 lbs and was 5'6. I think when your child is on nothing but solid food, start the weaning them.
I agree with Grow Farmington. Almost 30 yrs ago when I had my daughter breast feed for 5 1/2 weeks. She was losing weight and I haden slept in 5 1/2 weeks. She took to the bottle with no problem and an infafeeder. At 8 months old she was walking and could get out of her crib so we let her go from the crib at 4 or 5 am to our bed. Then at 3 she got her own bed and room no problem. Cat slept with her then.
Now my Daughter, Son in law and Granddaughter live with me. Granddaughter slept in crib until about 6 months old. Her father is a Truck driver who is on the road for 3-4 weeks at a time. She sleeps surrounded by large pillows and with a very large Dog in the entry way to the bedroom. (No one is getting in there who isn't supose to be). Sometimes my Daughter will go on the road with Hubby and Grandma babysits. I usually put her in her parents bed and she is fine. Remember Big Dog is in the Doorway. One night about 2 am she came in my room and said "Move Ma Ma", I moved over and got her in the bed and we slept together. She was 2 at the time.
My daughter couldn't Breast feed because of the Medicine she has to take for her Kidney's. So she was on formula and we used a Infafeeder. Just little her mom when she was little my granddaughter eats every kind of vegetable. She gets a lot of them everyday along with fruits.
I know my Mother breast feed all of us for a few months. There were 7 of us and 3 were actually 1 year apart. I only remember getting into parents bed when I was scared a few times. I always had brothers or sisters bed I could get in.
Parenting rules and ideas have changed over the years and you use what works for you. You do not have to follow any one else's. They are your kids and as long as you do not hurt them or "cosleep and end up on top of them", its pretty much your ideas. Just sometimes we end up paying for it, I mean the entitaled monsters or the spoiled brats. The worse are the MY CHILD WOULD NEVER DO THAT,.
I knew a gal who nursed well past kindergarten. I always said 3 or 4 would be tops for me,and only at night. I didn't even make it past a year with any of mine tho. Teeth hurt!
Having once watched a 2.5 year old help himself to a boob while his mom was strolling along completely oblivious at kmart my mind-set changed a bit anyway.
If they can unbutton the blouse then it is time to enforce the not in public rule. It was ridiculous,kid was dive-bombing for a completely exposed boob and she didn't even notice.
I am judging the hell out of Blossom!
But it's not my kid who will refuse to leave home at 40 so play on.
I'm more freaked out by Alicia Silverstone.
People sure have a lot of rules here!
WHoever asked, attachment parenting is considered to be extremely helpful for a kid's self-esteem and trust. Because they feel loved and and don't fret over their basic needs being met. Because that's pretty much all babies think, and fear.
I did some of that, Baby Borne as much as possible except had to stop at 9 months because he was a huge baby! Breast fed til 2.5 but the last year was only nap time and before bed, which slowly dwindled down to only bed time. I was so worried about how to wean him but when he forgot for 2 nights I figured that was it and I just said we don't do that anymore. And that was that.
He also had trouble latching on for the first week, and then at about 7 months went on boob strike so I pumped and let dad bottle feed him (which dad did before) but then my son decided only 1 day later he wanted to nurse again.
I say do whatever makes your kid happy AND you comfortable. If you don't want to nurse, nobody should judge you. And if you do after the first year, nobody should judge either. I had no problems with teeth. If I did, well, I sure would have stopped!
@Seachica .. LOL!! I was just totally envisioning Walliams as I read the story!
@SnowCherries .. blessings to you, sweetheart! I am holding a thought for you to have a wonderful parenting experience.
I am not sure what I would actually do breastfeeding-wise if I ever had children. Way too unhealthy and way too old [TMI MOMENT OF THE DAY!!! I think I discovered I have entered peri-menopause last night after I think I had my second and by far most "Phoenix-like" hot flash!] to have children now .. but I think if I had had children I would have breastfed them. Not sure how long .. I guess it would be a matter of how long they wanted to and I was able to. I think I would have probably stopped long before Mayim, though, I can tell you with 100% confidence.
I don't understand these people who say that "the child will let you know when they want to wean/sleep in their own bed/be toilet trained," etc. Isn't it your job as a parent to help them grow and develop? Shouldn't the parents be the ones calling the shots and setting the schedule, not the children?
Granted, I (thank the good Lord above) don't have kids, but I can't imagine BF past one year, tops. After that, there's no nutritional benefit. And a toddler's system needs to start processing pureed foods, etc. Plus, it's just weird when a kid in pre-school screams for the bitty (another Little Britain shout-out). And yes, I saw that DEEPLY disturbing video of the English weirdo who still BF her grade-school daughters. Sorry, but that's inappropriate.
The Alicia Silverstone thing grossed me out. And as someone who works in public health, I can tell you that it is quite unsanitary and dangerous, not to mention off-putting.
Co-sleeping is also dangerous. People should NEVER sleep with their babies. It's OK once they are toddlers and have a nightmare or something, but babies should never be sleeping next to an adult without a barrier. Plus, I just don't think it's healthy, emotionally or psychologically, to force everyone to be together all of the time. People need privacy.
Re: the sling, it's her back that's going to be rounded by the time she's 40, not mine. But babies need to develop leg muscles in order to learn to crawl and walk, and I am concerned that if she's carrying them everywhere, that's not happening.
I do like the idea that they don't load their kids down with tons of toys, etc. Kids have too many toys nowadays. They are always all over the house, and they never play with more than 5 or 6, anyway. It's a waste of money.
I'll bet you anything she is going to "unschool," too, which is a huge crock of shit.
BETTER THAN A MANGO, EVEN!
Good points, Texshan!
Blossom can do no wrong
I guess as long as people's children are happy, healthy and well cared for I don't necessarily care what they do (I just judge internally - my inner monologue can be such a bitch! :))
And thanks, guys. We have waited a very long time to have a healthy baby and now she's almost here - 10 days out from my due date so any time now. I just want her to get here - it's making me anxious!
If you'd like to do co-sleeping, but are afraid of rolling over on the baby, there's a co-sleeping device that's pretty much a baby bed w/one side open that attaches to the parents' bed. The baby still has their own space, but if they start crying in the middle of the night, you only have to reach over to get them. Several friends of mine have used them, and are very happy with them.
If I had ever had children, my intention always was to breast-feed, but probably only until they were old enough to be weaned. My siblings & I were all bottle-fed, since that's what everyone did in the early to mid '60s; my mom feels guilty in retrospect that she didn't nurse, seeing as my brother & I both have allergies and I have asthma, but I try to remind her that nobody, including the doctors (who basically pushed bottle-feeding then; it was the clean, "modern" way to do it), knew just how beneficial breast-feeding was for kids back then. Live and learn, I suppose...
I wasn't able to BF either of my babies, i had no milk, so I can't really say how long I would have nursed for. I think I would have stopped before 18 months. Since they were on formula, they were both on the bottle until one year old. After that it was homo milk in a cup or sippy cup.
My oldest often slept in my bed, he still comes in when my husband gets up for work, and he's 5. The toddler is still in the crib right beside me, mainly because we have nowhert elst to put it. (the crib)
Sadly, he's never slept with me. He just will not. I love cuddling with my babies! :-)
And I just noticed some of my typos. Typing on my "smart" phone!
The only opinion I have is I don't think you are enough of an expert to write a book before your children get out of their teenage years (at least). I thought I had done everything write with my Son until he turned 15 then WOW he turned into a different child before my eyes. We fought for 3 years until I was listening to the radio one day and someone had called in about almost the same problem and the Dr said to reverse roles so we could each see how we saw each other. It worked the very first time. So when her children are adults and are living a good life then she can write a book and I may just buy it
I did co-sleeping, bathing and breastfed my daughter liberally until she was about 13 months (when she went to daycare...up til then I worked with her on my lap). I continued to breastfeed her infrequently (like evenings) until she was about 2. Attachment parenting principles definitely resonated with me. :)
But I am Team To-Each-Their-Own!
WHoever asked, attachment parenting is considered to be extremely helpful for a kid's self-esteem and trust.
THIS.
There's this perception coming through in some of the (judgy) comments that extended breastfeeding promotes dependence. Not true. For many babies, it gives them emotional security which can help lead to healthy independence and self-esteem later in life.
I let my kid self-ween, he was 3.
Power to Blossom, I think she rocks.
Don't know nothing about birthing no babies. All i can suggest is read Ms. Cool's and Old ;ady's posts; then add your own 'best' and 'worst' stories/experiences, and THEN go w/your gut feelings. You're all good [if you're reading here], and you'll do the right thing.
ugh, I hate reading the mis-information posted on here sometimes.
There are PLENTY of nutricional beneits to breatsfeeding after 12 months - if there wasn't, then wouldn't every baby wean? And not to mention the comfort of it all - breastmilk is liquid love.
To each her own.
Monica, no, there aren't any nutritional benefits to breastfeeding after 12 months, no matter what the La Leche League and other breastfeeding zealots tell people. There are some immunological benefits for a breastfeeding toddler, but not nutritional benefits. A toddler should be ingesting things other than breast milk after 12 months. BF is fine as a supplement, but it should not be a toddler's only source of food.
I am really put off by you characterizing breast milk as "liquid love." So you're saying that moms who don't/can't breastfeed don't give their kids as much love?
Texshan, breastfeeding doesn't mean that's the only food a kid gets. No twelve-month old will only be having breast milk (in the developed world at least).
Many comments here are a bit silly. Some babies get teeth pretty early and you can also teach them not to bite pretty early. Breastfeeding is easy (hmmm, okay for some, and certainly gets easier after the first few months), and natural. If you can't or don't want to do it, fine. But there's nothing wrong with breastfeeding a kid for longer than six months if you want.
I did it for 18 months, but the last ten months of that were just at night. Always thought I'd stop earlier, but it didn't quite work out like that.
I know it's a cliche, but until you've actually been there, you can't know what you'd do in that situation.
Helen, I never wrote that people should breastfeed for only six months, so I don't know where that came from. My statement stands -- there is NO nutritional benefit to breastfeeding after 12 months.
And please don't trot out the old "oh, you don't understand if you aren't a mommy" cliche. It's smug and dismissive.
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