Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Playboy Says No To Tanning Mom


Apparently Tanning Mom thinks she is all that. You know, with that horribly premature wrinkly skin and the at home dye job that somehow misses the roots everytime to the effects of kicking pack and enjoying your box of wine every night. So, naturally she volunteered herself up for Playboy. Hopefully she did not hire some poor photographer who right now is going through post traumatic stress because I know I would. Can you imagine getting paid to photograph tanning Mom naked for a test shoot? Have you seen Something About Mary? You know, Mary's neighbor with the tan? She is so much hotter than Tanning Mom and would you want to see her naked? Exactly. Anyway, thankfully Playboy turned down Tanning Mom and said she is out of her mind. I am scared though that Vivid might throw her a couple of bucks and we would be stuck with some double feature of her and Octomom called Octomom Goes Tanning.

31 comments:

selenakyle said...

Jesus. She is only in her early 40's, correct? She looks like an old hag.

Thank JAH that Playboy turned her down!

*shudders*

Ms Cool said...

I bet someone says yes.

AthleteKitty said...

She looks like she's 80 in that pic.

EmEyeKay said...

I, too, say no.

MISCH said...

oooooooo so gross

Tempestuous Grape said...

Stone cold fox! Owwwwwwwwwwwwww!

Seachica said...

I'm sure somewhere there is a tanning fetish site that will pay her $5 and a pack of marlboros to pose

cheesegrater15 said...

So that's what oatmeal tastes like coming back up. Thanks, Enty.

JoElla said...

How sad is it when Playboy has to release a statement stating that no.. we do not want to see your tan bits

I guess in a weird way, all is right in the universe again LOL

cheesegrater15 said...

JoElla, I imagine it literally looks like beef jerky down there. Either that or Snausages.

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarf.

Unknown said...

are her 15 minutes over yet? please?

Evil Kumquat said...

With as much Photoshop retouching they regularly do to their models (up to the point that most enter the Uncanny Valley), I don't see why Playboy didn't hire her to pose.

Is she REALLY that much less gross than Pamela Anderson at this point?

__-__=__ said...

And this is why we have Hustler.

anita_mark said...

Proofreading isn't illegal. Just wanted to put that fact out there.

@Evil, she is that gross. Photoshop couldn't help this woman.

katsm0711 said...

LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL SHE'S THE LADY FROM THERES SOMETHING ABOUT MARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bally said...

Every time I see her, I think of that episode of Seinfeld when Kramer tanned with butter.

RenoBlondee said...

^ or when Ross kept missing the turn for the spray tan on Friends.

Robert said...

Magda!

mynerva said...

Enty, that is just a horrifying image.

chopchop said...

Hey now! What's wrong with boxed wine?? It's better for the environment, people!

nolachickee said...

Is there a market out there for dudes who like to whack off with leather objects? If such a fetish exists, jump on it, Vivid.

AuntJess said...

Lets all be glad Bob Guccione is dead cause that tan man would be all over this trick.

kriss_t said...

I'd be curious enough to look.

kriss_t said...

I'd be curious enough to look.

lisap515 said...

Oh classic! This just sent me into a fit of hysteria.

"Vicki Cupper said...JoElla, I imagine it literally looks like beef jerky down there. Either that or Snausages."

LMAO. Thank you for that guffaw!

misspoppypants said...

Omg, she looks in the mirror and thinks, 'Playboy, yeah baby!' I look in the mirror and think, 'take that f**king bobby pin out of your hair, you look like Tanning Mom.'
There must be a polar opposite affliction to body dysmorphic disorder. I wonder if it's cured by a full page spread.

Jessie said...

Self esteem issues can make one do crazy things.

Robin the Mad Photographer said...

But...but...we're all jealous, fat & ugly, remember? *snort* Damn right I'm fat, but I'm sure as hell not jealous--I'm 8 years older than she is, but my face and overall skin tone is a HELL of a lot better than hers, to the point where most people guess me as 10 years younger than I am. Again, jealous? Hardly...

(Once again, Vicki takes the cake on this one w/her beef jerky/Snausage comments...beef curtains? Beef jerky curtains, maybe... *shudder*)

~{songbird}~ said...

Huh. People.

Lelaina Pierce said...

She is delusional, but I admire her self confidence. Thank you world, for delivering this lovely person to us.

AngusParvo said...

I can't imagine what kind of sick bastard would want to see that naked

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